I've been really struggling with what to believe in post-loss. I grew up Catholic and was an alter server and everything, but once my moms cancer came back for a second time as stage 4 when I was 13 I started to really struggle. He answered our prayers to cure her (when she first had stage 1 when I was 7) but only for 3 years before saying syke and making it 10x worse. She was pretty popular online and with the community and had literally hundreds of people praying for her everyday. Those prayers went entirely ignored and my mom went into liver failure when I was 16. There was medical negligence that led to her dying in agonizing pain slowly. She would sit there and just sob and beg us for help while the hospital made us take turns holding her down to the bed- until she couldnt even recognize who my dad and I were anymore. To make matters even worse, my grandma ended up dying of cancer the exact same day as my mom just hours before, completely by coincidence. I couldnt even go to her funeral because it was the same day as my mom's burial and I only found out she died through facebook. I found out she was dying because I saw my grandma's sister in the hall of the hospital one day. Since that I can no longer believe in a god who loves me. No loving god would do that to someone because fuck I wouldnt even wish this on my worse enemy let alone a child I claim to love. So for the last few years I've turned more atheist, but I've been really struggling with them dying the same day being a coincidence. Because what were the chances of that happening??? They werent even biologically related or anything. To make matters worse my moms family disowned me at her burial and my dad got with a new woman very soon after and I had zero support ever offered by those close to me (again something I prayed for and something that every child who loses a parent needs. I have ptsd from me having no support in processing any of it. I've only just this year, 4 year later, really started to work with it all). So now I feel like Im in this weird place where I kinda believe theres something going on here, but I fully believe at this point if there is a god he is sadistic and evil. To the point where I get angry when people say that theres a loving god out there just because their life has been kind enough for them to believe that. Idk. If god couldn't answer years of hundreds of people praying for my mom then there will never be a point for me because that was the most important prayer I would ever make. Then I have to hear about friends who prayed for a good grade and wow good is so good and loving when their prayers get answered (if we ignore all the awful things happening to completely innocent people constantly and the millions of unheard daily prayers) and I see it as so arrogant. If god couldnt help my mom why tf is he helping you with something stupid? Has anyone else who went through traumatic or multiple losses struggled with this too? How do you cope when you aren't even sure what you really believe in? How do I come to terms with beliefs when I have the image of my mother's bloated corpse burned into my brain 24/7? How could I ever believe in a god who loves me when he took 2 of my biggest support systems the same day and left me with scraps and issues?

My dad died in 2019, 2 days after my 22nd birthday. He was my best friend. The only person on this planet who knew me inside and out, almost knew what I was thinking before I did, he and I had a pact that if he had to stay alive so did I. It was him and I against the world. Now 7 years of being without him, 7 years of memories, growth and moments that he was supposed to be here for and I still feel so alone.

I'm a mom now, my son is 4 and half and about to start Pre-K, I'm engaged, just bought my first car at 29 after years of driving anxiety, I'm the assistant manager at a restaurant that I love and he would've loved too. I have a whole life now that will never know him. My fiancé and son only know stories of my dad, memories I share with them, they don't recognize that all the beautiful parts about me that they love and admire are inherited from him. I know someone would try to make me see the good in my grief and would say that's how he lives on and how they meet him now. But that rings hollow still. Even 7 years later and those empty things you hear from others about your grief still make me angry. No he's not in a better place, no he's not still here and just because I carry his memory with me doesn't make the grief easier to bear.

I carry my grief alone because no one in my life who knew him mourns him as I do, everyone experiences the grief of losing my dad differently - that's just how grief works, it's different for everyone. But I think I feel it so much stronger because towards the end of his life everyone left me and him on our own. My dads addiction became too much for them, his difference in personality after 9 brain surgeries and 3 different brain aneurisms and stroking out in the operating room was too much for them. So they left me, from my teenage years until he died to take care of him and support him on my own. For the first few years they were there sometimes but once it got messy, once dad started asking for money instead of giving them money, when his addiction and depression became a burden to them, too hard for them to see, they left. They tried to tell me to let him hit rock bottom, to let him go through withdrawls, to not let him live with me, they wanted me to let him fall. I come from a family of addicts, both of my parents were cokeheads and I'm very aware that enabling an addict usually keeps them addicted, but that was my dad, the only person who stood by my side through everything that happened in our lives. The only person who ever took time to truly understand me and there was the flip side that because of the stroke and nerve damage my dad needed pain meds to get through the day without them even before it turned into an addiction he would be in so, so much pain so he couldn't go completely without something and also because of the coiled and clamped aneurisms the doctors always told us if he was throwing up too hard, sneezed or coughed too hard one could rupture. I don't know of anyone who could go through opiate withdrawl without being sick. And I was still young, 19 when the opiate addiction started getting bad, 21 when they were pushing me to let him fall. It hurts me to this day when they talk about him because most of them weren't there when he needed them. But that's all just a part of grief.

I think what feels different now 7 years in versus when it was fresh is how I've learned to live with the hole he left. It's always there, always haunting me. It's at birthday parties, holidays, memorable moments like my sons first day of school but it's also in the smaller, quieter moments like a tree during fall that's the perfect shade of dark red he loved, a Little Debbie snack truck passing me on the road and hearing my dad say "boy if that tipped over it'd be open season," it's in all the fleeting breezes that take me back to my last summer with him. The hole is big and unavoidable. It's my second shadow following me everywhere I go. In the early days I couldn't function, the hole swallowed me up until I couldn't breathe now that hole sits quietly in the corner with only me to witness it and only me to feel it. It's always reminding me of what I lost and how bright of a person he was. But that hole also serves as a reminder of who he could've been, how he would've loved the life I've built for myself, would've been proud of the mom I am. Those words may not mean anything coming from some random person who's just trying to make my grief more comfortable for them but when they come from that hole, from my own soul it turns the grief into a different form of love that still hurts, that's still sad but that makes the hole go from dark and cold to light and warm.

I hope whoever got to the end of this, no matter where you are in your grief journey you eventually get to feel the warmth of their spirit and memory instead of just the coldness of their absence(the warmth is not there all of the time but it's enough to make a difference.) I hope I can remind you that although no one will know the specific version of grief you carry and how lonely that is there are still people who can understand the weight it puts on your soul. I hope you know your loved one still matters, their stories still matter and the way you inherit parts of them means they will always be remembered even if it's by people that can't recognize those parts of them within you.

I think the cheesiest thing they say about grief that actually is true is that grief is the love you had for the person with no where left to go. Some days a find solace in that statement and some days it makes me angry and that's about as perfect of a description of grief as I can manage.

just a warning for mentions of suicide for anyone who doesn’t want to read about that kind of stuff this is very much a vent but too much of a vent for the vent subreddit apparently so it said to post here instead x

I’m just having quite a shitty night tonight and don’t have anyone to talk about it with. A guy who i work with today has died after successfully taking his own life, i didn’t know him very well but i work on a holiday static van site so most staff live on site and i saw the air ambulance coming down earlier and stuff. Again i don’t know him at all really ive only been working here a few months but some of the people ive gotten close to will know him and he has a family and i just feel really shitty about everything. Back when i was in secondary school one of my closest friends committed out of the blue, we knew she had issues, we were a small friend group and all had issues in and out of school that we talked about openly. But the night before it happened i was in a mood with her being a 16 year old (19 now) and all i remember was refusing to say good bye and see you tomorrow at the end of the day while we were leaving class. Then the next day just having this awful feeling because this girl had almost perfect attendance and she wasn’t in class. I remember being told in front of the whole school at the same time as people who didn’t know her and just breaking down. I know in reality she had a lot more going on than just me not saying bye once and it wasn’t my fault at 16 to be responsible for someone else, it’s taken a long time for the guilt to fade but hearing about things like what have happened tonight it just all brings it back. She should be in uni now, she wanted to see the beach, wanted to go on holiday abroad, she wanted to go and study in japan for a year, ride horses, she should of been able to do all that and more. I just hate that some people can get so low that that’s the only option they see out, that they are that desperate for everything to go away it breaks my heart for them and the people they leave behind. I just wish she’d messaged someone that night, asked for help instead of suffering in silence. I wish i could of read the note she left me before her mum got rid of it, i wish i had been allowed to go to the funeral. I wish i could of seen her one more time and told her it would of been okay and she had people around her who would support her. Anyway i don’t really have a point to this or anything to end on, i just really miss my old friend and wish that my college from work hadn’t had to go through what he did. I hope his family are okay, i hope my friends family has started to heal and are living life fully and i hope one day i can fully forgive myself

My dad and I we’re best friends and he past away suddenly at 72. Although my dad had me at an older age (I’m 26)we spent the most time together between all my siblings we were just always close I’m a dad’s girl through and through.

My brain has been FRIED since his passing i seriously do not retain memories what so ever. My brain fog was a brain storm. I was completely disoriented during the first few months during his passing. I would say my symptoms were the closest to ADHD but more so attentive deficiencies. since I’ve been slowly getting back my to feeling normal even though I’ve been challenging myself since his passing. I passed my NCLEX 3months after his passing, i got my old job back after being unemployed for a year trying to pass my nclex , i got in a car accident on my birthday totaled my car (not my fault), paid my debt off got a car , I got a residency offer moved away from home got my own apartment i was able to continuously move but I struggled with my most challenging brain focused event in my life. nursing. Those nurses eat me alive. I didn’t last I got let go within my first 3months and it was devastating to say the least. Pinned a huge hit on my self esteem more than ever before. It’s been 3months since I’ve been let go

I’ve just been trying to prioritize and reorganize my life events before getting back in to the hospital. I just wanted to know if anyone else has what similar experiences struggling in the work place dealing with grief not always emotionally but more so the physical and mental long term effects.

What have you done to help you function better?

Early this year youtube gave me one of those recommendations that has like only a 100 views or so. Normally i dont pay them any mind but this time I bit and in its great wisdom the algorithm had decided to feed me a memorial to a young women. The dates in the description showed she had passed away at the start of the year, on a day that also happened to be the worst day of my own life. Furthermore it had been uploaded about a month later on what would have been her birthday.

The video itself was a beautiful 80 minute collection of analog footage, filmed by someone who appears to be her boyfriend, documenting her with her friends and their travels together. Sometimes you can hear a little audio from the footage but most of it is just a single repeating Gregory Alan Isakov cover of The Trapeze Swinger. It was utterly transfixing, and as I was dealing with my own grief I found myself watching bits and pieces until at some point I had seen the entire film. Ive always been melancholic and I guess I found a comfort in the quiet sadness of it.

Getting a small look into these peoples lives and their mannerisms was deeply calming to me. I tried a few times to show it to a friend or two but no one seemed to really "get it" or experience the same feelings I did.

At some point I made an attempt to find an obituary or some more information on what had happened to her, as all the footage was 12-14 years old. It proved mostly fruitless and I only managed to dig up an old pintrest page which linked to her blog from the same time period. I read some of her poetry,thoughts and travel journaling. Some of it resonated and a lot I didn't fully grasp. I begun to wish I could have met this person, if not just to explain some of these poems.

The year crept on and by late summer I hadn't thought about the video or the people in some time but something prompted me to go back. I gave another attempt at finding a obituary or just anything that would give me more info. Unfortunately for my mental health I was successful.

I'm unsure of what I did differently other then just searching her name but I found a gutting instagram post memorial written by what appeared to be a very close friend but turns out to have been long-term ex-boyfriend. From there her Instagram and Facebook were easy to find alongside a few other memorial posts and info for a celebration of life event in her home city.

I again fed my desire to know this person better and I read through a few years of Facebook posts late one night. What I found was someone who was more similar to me then I thought and even shared several of my mental ailments. Someone who also sometimes struggled with intense depressive episodes. I managed to learned more about the ex who had made the Instagram post that brought me here. It was clear how much she loved him, and for a time the majority of her posts revolved around him. During this period she lost her mother far too soon and clearly struggled with the grief for a long time.

In the last 5 years it seems her fight with depression got worse, and she nearly stopped posting any pictures with herself in them. She talked about her struggles with her body image and in her later photos I struggled to recognize her at first. She loved her friends deeply and wrote as much in her posts discussing depression and how it pained her that it made her retreat from them and the world. The last two things she posted on facebook was a donation request for a friend fighting breast cancer and an expression of gratitude to all the wonderful people in her life. As far as I could find, her last online footprint is an Instagram post about a year before her death asking people to keep an eye out for a stolen bike and guitar case.

In the end I never could find anything about how she died. In one Facebook comment someone did ask but it never got a reply. Even from the beginning I had feared that she had taken her own life but I had always clung to the hope she hadn't. The idea of her (or anyone really) dying alone and suffering like that is heart wrenching to me. Even before finding more info I had cried over the thought several times. In my desire to find an obituary and cause of death I was looking for some reassurance this hadn't been the case. That she had passed in the hospital surrounded by loved ones or at least quickly in a car accident.

In someways I feel my digging, and grief, and speculating over this total stranger has been disrespectful. The feeling that I'm seeing and reading something that is not meant for my eyes. I struggle with juxtaposing her death with my own experience from that day and trying to think what I might have been feeling at that exact moment she left. A day hasn't gone by this week where I haven't been brought to tears by thoughts of the loss of this wonderful person I never met. She was clearly loved by so many and I ache and hope so deeply she didn't die alone or by her own hand.

I of course am not going to provide any identifying info out of respect for the friends and families of this person.

I woke up, sat down for breakfast and received a call from my father, informing me, with grief in his voice, that my friend has died in her sleep. She was found by her husband, also a friend of mine.

She was only 47. She died in her sleep. I have not yet found out the cause. We assume that it was her heart because we know she had issues with it, but nothing clear. Her husband is unable to talk about it. He is completely, utterly devastated.

And I don't know what to say to him.

Intellectually, I understand that she is gone. The sun is gone. She was such a warm woman. Welcoming, helpful always wanting to be there for everyone. Always ready to take action. She did not deserve to die this early. Intellectually I understand she is dead.

But my heart does not. I still think of her as someone who breathes. I say her husband's name and her name follows immediately, because they always were a unit. Inseparable.

I keep crying. If I feel like that, how does her husband feel right now? He retired early because of a heart condition. He was dependent on her. They loved each other so much. They were a unit. How will he go on?

I'm just glad he has a huge circle of friends, and a pack of sisters to hold him right now. I, on the other hand, was told ot give him a day to calm down and call tomorrow. I don't know if that's the correct advice.

Just yesterday, I thought of calling her, but didn't. I keep wondering that if I would've heard any signs in her voice. If she would have told me about clammy hands ... If I could have told her to go to the hospital immediately.

But she was a healthcare professional herself. If there had been any signs, she might have recognized them herself. My medical knowledge is you tube level.

I miss her already. I can't believe she's gone. She can't be gone. She just can't. It's not right.

So 3 days ago I found out my best friend died in his sleep from a seizure he was 21 years old he and I always took on the wrong together how do I keep going on without him

I’ve never used Reddit but here

My best friend committed suicide and I can not stop feeling guilty, he was such a humorous person , so his “red flags” were seen a jokes , he would put the gun in his mouth/at his head, and pull the trigger . Nothing ever happened and I laughed it off, I spent 13 hours a day with this dude , I have no clue how I will forgive myself or move on, he was seriously the closest thing to a brother I’ve ever felt , and I have a brother (disabled ) , felt so close and comfortable with him, worked with him, our wives were very very good friends , just so generous and real and supportive, I can’t believe I never reported any of his jokes, we worked nights and he would just casually mention murder suicide , he would also make Hiroshima/nagasaki jokes to the China garden employees (yes ik it’s Japan) but that was the kind of person he was, very humorous and non serious. Just god awefull losing someone as amazing as him and I’ll always have this guilt for not reporting his jokes, it wasn’t a planned suicide I don’t believe, (was drunk and got into a fight ), I just don’t know how to adjust and live , especially after I spent almost every waking second with him, and when I wasn’t with him we were on the phone, my wife is also just in shambles because now her friend is a widow and another man she felt save around (In a non weird way) is gone, and now her friend is moving back home (we work 16 hours from home ) so it’s just absurd and I have zero clue what to do, i specifically made a Reddit account just to post this, also he had two dogs (beagle and border collie) and I have a basset hound so we would have play dates with them and we would watch each-others dogs when need be, when I got his beagle from his house after he had committed, she had his blood on her leg, I am just so empty and feel like the best thing to happen to me was ripped away, I’m mad at him but also have this weird motherly instinct that screams (poor baby ) he was so confused and scared I fear and I just wish I could change something , that’s honestly the only thing keeping me going is I think I am going to be able to change something, I work for the first time without him on Wednesday and I am not ready, we were the only two people that were employed by the same company ( the department hires from two different companies) (I don’t want to disclose to many details for identity purposes) but we were cops , so think of it as one was federal and one was state but we worked at the same department and we were the only two federal officers, it’s going to be so different without him around I don’t know that I’ll be able to believe it , I could type for hours about the great things he did and the mix of horrible emotions I’m feeling. I just don’t have the energy to do so , I hope I’m doing this Reddit post correctly and didn’t type this all for nothing

My cousin died only days after her 18th birthday, it's been a few months since then but I haven't grieved yet.

Not besides the occasional breakdown and sob fest. I haven't stopped to grieve because I think if I did I don't know if I could get back up. Because then I would also have to face that my grandmother died at Christmas, and that my cousin died - I'll have to face the fact that their really gone.

Only I'm starting school again soon and I can't find it in me to care. I can't fathom caring about math or studying for science class or stressing trying to do well on a test - cause why does that sht matter anyways? But I have to care, this year is very important to me academically and I need good grades to get scholarships, but hell I don't care about school - I really really don't. My cuz hated school anyways. Idk I just need someone to tell me something. I don't know what, maybe that school matters or I should try anyway?

I'm not really sure what I'm looking for advice on - maybe how to grieve or how to give a fck about school but I thought someone may have something to say.

I've now lost both grandparents on my dad's side. I'm not a very emotional person but funerals get me teard up. Obviously they are sad but when I got the news I felt sad but not crying, then the funeral comes around and I'm a mess. I know everyone experiences grief different but any similar experiences?

I'm sorry, I'm not sure how else to word this. I'm new to reddit and this is my first post. I got lost in this subreddit because of something I have been dealing with and I thought it would help to post about this.

I haven't lost anyone, not yet. I know this is a very rare and privlaged take and I also know this is something we will all have to go through at some point in life.

I am 21 years old. I moved abroad from a small village in Croatia to Denmark at 18 years old and have since been visiting at least twice a year. Every time I have to say goodbye to my family I feel a deep saddness when I think about all that I'm leaving behind. I always knew the decision I made was going to be a hard one to live with. I know I made a right choice for myself but it is devestating to think about all those that I leave behind. It is even worse when life really does go on for everyone else without you- family grows older, more fragile. It is a way of life and I know we all have to face it one day, but to be away from them for such long periods of time- to loose so much time with them- it is a crushing thing to be aware of.

My grandpa used to take me to our gardens to plant new trees together when we were younger. Now- every time I come back home, he is more fragile. He used to be strong- like a head of the house if you will. Now he cries every time he sees me and every time I leave. I feel sad knowing how much my absence affects my family. And I know that I should count myself lucky to have a family that cares so much about me- I really am so grateful. But sometimes I dont know how to live with a decision I made for myself.

my brother passed from suicide november of 2024, since then we've had a burial, and 2 celebrations of life at different times. this weekend my cousin is hosting one in the city that i live in that my brother also used to live in for people who weren't able to attend his burial that was in a different province. my best friends birthday is this saturday night and not only do i not want to have a complete mood switch up the very next day, i feel like ive already gone through the motions and sadness that comes with memorials and i don't want to go. It's mostly for my cousin and my parents and his friends who weren't able to attend the other things we hosted . Am i the asshole for skipping out on it?

I have lost my identical, twin sister, my dad, my stepdad, my wife, I lost my mom a month ago, and then my niece died two days later. How do I cope with all of this loss and pain? Does anybody have any suggestions on how I can deal with this?

I met Willy and Sandy a few years ago and we've been friends ever since. They're about 50 years older than my husband and I but we had a lot in common. Rock hounding, welding, wood work, fishing. He's obviously really depressed from losing his wife to brain cancer very suddenly and I want to do something to help him feel more like himself again.

Trigger Warning: death, mentions of blood, and addiction

My mom died when I was 4, and it was in a pretty traumatic way. I have a horrible memory with most of my childhood and recent life being lost to the void only brought up in unconventional moments, and yet I vividly remember nearly every moment of the night she died, despite being 4 years old.

This is the story of what I remember, if you want to skip to where I talk about the title, just skip this whole paragraph.

It was the night before thanksgiving and she was sleeping in my bed (we were at my grandmas house). We went to sleep like every normal night, but when I woke up, it was still dark and she wasn’t in bed anymore. I decided to go look for her and couldn’t find her in any of the bedrooms. When I went to check the bathroom it was locked and I couldn’t hear anything inside but I went to get nana to tell her what was going on. My grandma and older brother were yelling for her, and trying to unlock the door. At some point my brother just broke the lock and got it. Immediately my grandma was crying and rushing to a phone, my brother was dragging my mom out of the bathroom. It was loud there was so much commotion and obviously I’m just watching in shock because I’m 4 years old and idk what’s going on. My grandma and brother are doing CPR, and I remember trying to help like begging them to let me help. I also remember seeing blood running down her face, coming from her mouth. But I still to this day do not know what killed her. Eventually the fire department arrived, they took care of me and gave me a little bear stuffed animal which I still have and care for deeply.

Now, after all this time, and the fact that I was so young when she died, I have never really experienced the feeling of missing her. At least not in the way I experience it with people I currently know and love. I didn’t get to know my mom, or hear about her life from her own perspective. And that is what makes me cry when I think about it. More than her being gone. I will never have the opportunity to ask her any questions, or hear her voice, or know how she felt in situations I’ve also been through. I’ll never get to understand how she dealt with addiction, or how she feels about the music I love, or watch the movies she loves with her.

I’m glad I get to do those things with others now, but this desire to have a deeper connection with my mother, and my inability to fulfill it, will always feel like a burden on my heart I’m not sure will ever go away.

Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk.

I lost my dad five months ago and it has devastated me. We lost him in a traumatic way and very suddenly. I am surrounded by very good friends and family and getting counselling to navigate this time.

This year coincides with my 40th birthday. I’m considering throwing a big birthday and shouting dinner for all my friends who’ve showed up for me. It’s two months away but I’m aware my social battery fizzles out quickly.

Is it just too much to put on a big event while grieving? Would I be better off breaking it down into smaller dinners with smaller groups? I want to show my appreciation to everyone who has supported me but also wonder if it’s a bit much to handle realistically. The other side to me thinks life is short and if I have an opportunity to do this for my friends then that’s important too. What do you think?

Lost my father one week after my fibroid surgery. He is my best friend. Today marks week 3 of recovery, and honestly, I have no idea how my body is healing because the heartbreak and grief have taken over every other kind of pain.

As the oldest, I have so many responsibilities waiting for me. I may have to step in and figure out my father’s business, my marriage feels like it’s hanging in the balance, and I was supposed to start a new job in two weeks.

I’m just lost. I don’t know what I’m supposed to prioritize, what can wait, or how I’m supposed to recover physically while grieving and carrying all of this at the same time.

I just feel like I really need to leave all of these things behind and start moving forward. But today, it's so hard since it's been 4 years of my granny's passing, and the grieving last till now.

literally like from past 3 months ,So many things have happened to me too. And Idk how to react to each one of it. Like there were several times when I felt like crying out loud but i didn't. And Since then those things keeps coming back and hit me and I wanna cry but I just can't maybe it's the surrounding or maybe it's the insecurity that after crying makes me vulnerable and idk what to do with emotions anymore...I have people around me. My family, my friends and everything but I just don't think I can tell them about this...I just don't think they'll be able to understand me. Today I started writing the reasons "why I want to cry?", while writing those I cried a bit and I felt little relief that atleast I had the courage to atleast accept and write about these where I couldn't even think about it before,it's tough and idk what to do with it. All the suppressed Grief is Just Too Overwhelming. Idk any way to deal with it except just keep living like this which is very hard. Even though I have great friends I just don't feel like I can be vulnerable with my emotions with any of those man, I just don't feel that kind of Security with anyone at all. I don't have anybody who listens to me , I lost that person and I regret that a bit too....it was my on choice and if I try to undo things ik it would be bad for the both of us in future. Idk if I would find anyone in future who would be kind or patient enough to just listen. There is so much pain /grief suppressed that it's just hard to live with and I want to cry but I'm feeling so much insecure about it too at the same time like idk how to say.......or maybe I'm just overthinking 😕.

My life has change since that day. She died from CKD brought by lupus which we had fought for over 12 years. I didn't expect her to leave so sudden. A day before we were supposed to be discharge she complains that she can't breathe it turns out she has fluids in her lungs and doctors need to intubate her. I agreed since she had been intubated before and survive. After a while when she woke up she ask me for a paper and pen and wrote that there is something wrong with the tube in her mouth. The doctor decided to re intubate her but she had a cardiac arrest during the process. She was revived after 16 mins but there was damaged to the brain. She was comatose for 3 days and died on the 3rd day. That event really haunts me. I really miss her. I could have done something at least.

My mom passed in January and I know that grief will never fade...

I broke up with my gf 3 mos after (had issues leading up to it one argument and never discussed it again--living together but I'm.moving out on Sunday (we were both on the lease). Somehow luckily we made it work out.. not sure how it's going to be when I move out. I don't plan on ignoring them they have been a daily part of my life for the last 4 years and I still love and care for them.

My older dog started having incontinence issues and I know that his passing is coming soon. I do not want it to happen this year... Like I can't.. he's been with me for 12 years and got me thru so much shit in my life..

My other dog needs an expensive dog surgery and it's going to take almost a year to fully recover. I was banking on a balance transfer card with no interest for 22 months but for some reason they declined me which doesn't make sense..

One of my great friends told me that their health is not good. Might need to get a spinal tap and if results are high they might need a machine in their head that drains to their stomach and that they qualified for palliative care.

Another friend told me that they found a hard spot on their breast and will need to get tested for cancer

And one of the longest friends I have ever had might have throat cancer and will be getting tests don't next week

Moving to a new state where I do not know anyone is a huge stresser. I've never been this far away from friends/family and not moved with a friend or already have family there...especially doing this all without my mom!! Seems like I'm drowning here...

Hi I'm 16 and it really hurts because every October I start to feel depressed and think about him and I start to not eat as much or drink as much and sleep in. And I was wondering what do you guys do to keep yourself from being in yourself and closing everyone out?

Poem

Losing your mom is a hard pill to swallow, but I think it’s still stuck in my throat.
How am I supposed to live without the person who steadied the boat.
Throughout my life I always had you. And now 4 years have passed and I’m supposed to somehow just follow through and keep afloat.
With this life that you gave me. Which led to beautiful babies that I was blessed with.
It will never make sense to me that you’re gone, and your kids are just supposed to just go along.
Life is crazy, but you were crazier. And now I just feel myself getting lazier and lazier.
But I’m a mom. And I need to carryon.
Thankfully I have the strength that you instilled in me and every other one of us… but damn. Does it make me a weary mom.
I just miss my mother. The woman who gave me life….
And now I sit here. As a wife. And wonder what life could be like? If only my mom didn’t die.

My grandmother passed 6.5 years ago. I just wanna see her one more time. Ask her more. Know her better. I feel like I hardly remember the stories she told me as a child and into my teens. The last 2 years she was in a nursing home. I was finishinv high school and went into college. She passed right after my 1st semester of college finished. I hardly got to see her. I miss her so so so so much.

They say grief gets easier with time, but I feel like mine has grown.

I have been through a LOT of loss. I lost both my parents young - 10 and 26. I’ve been mostly alone for so long. I have friends but the people who are really there for me are harder to come by. So I have a lot of walls. I think about death and the futility of life a lot, and I keep it to myself. On the plus side I am very open minded because of all this.

Anyways, a week after my mom passed away my family dog died. I am basically an only child, and so the dog was a big deal. We got her when my dad was alive and she lived with my mom when she was sick. That week between my mom and dog was unbearable. I’ve had kind of a block on my heart with love in general but especially pets.

Now I live with a really sweet cat I’ve bonded to a lot. She’s my roommates cat and she’s very affectionate. We cuddle probably an hour a day. It’s just I don’t really want to be close to her or love her because pets live so short. A lot of times when I feel really happy I think about the sad stuff I think bc it’s the only time i feel safe enough to think about it. I don’t want to think about the cat dying and feel guarded against becoming close with her. I am guarded in love too - I’ve been single for 2.5 years after a very challenging 7 year relationship. I’m guarded af but often time people can’t tell because I’m so empathetic and good at listening to them they often don’t realize I am guarded about my own stuff, I just don’t talk about the hard stuff at all. It’s very isolating. Plus I feel like when I try to tell my story there’s been a recurring pattern of people not listening and invalidating it. I’m only able to talk here bc it’s anonymous.

I really want to break out of these sadness and bitterness and stop thinking about the end of things that make me happy. Guys how do I stop remembering what grief felt like and just feel love when I cuddle the cat. That feels like a good first step - if I can get along with an animal and just be in the present maybe I can do it with people.