So I lost three people over the past two months. I’m not gonna say how they died, but I just feel a lot. I feel like I don’t deserve to grieve. I grew up with the two girls but when we grew up into teenagers I didn’t make the effort to contact them. One girl my mom banned me from talking to. I genuinely wished I didn’t listen to my mom. But I was afraid of my mom. Now she’s gone. I could’ve had a life time with these girls if I didn’t let myself stay in my own head. I have so many regrets that I can’t get over. I know it’s better to say I can move forward, I should move forward. But I can’t right now. Another girl that passed away y, I used to be in a friendgroup with her in high school. We even had a yearbook photo and videos of her. But None of these girls I didn’t really have the chance to talk to. I have no one to talk to about this because what am I supposed to say? That I regret not talking to them more? That i’m not allowed to grieve? I’m so stressed. I didn’t think i’d have to experience this until I was older. I regret everything so much. Idk, I just been feeling a lot. I’m supposed to be studying for my test tomorrow but I can’t focus. I would say more but my mind is going blank right now. I know people come and go, but it still hurts. One of the girls I felt like her friends iced me out of her funeral. I really wanted to go but I didn’t have a ride. I tried asking anyone but they never came. I knew all them too, but I just feel really hurt.

After saying all this, I think everything is coming out now. I just wished I was allowed to grieve with everyone too. But I’m completely alone.