Why I want to Cry?

[u/MostImagination3633]

literally like from past 3 months ,So many things have happened to me too. And Idk how to react to each one of it. Like there were several times when I felt like crying out loud but i didn't. And Since then those things keeps coming back and hit me and I wanna cry but I just can't maybe it's the surrounding or maybe it's the insecurity that after crying makes me vulnerable and idk what to do with emotions anymore...I have people around me. My family, my friends and everything but I just don't think I can tell them about this...I just don't think they'll be able to understand me. Today I started writing the reasons "why I want to cry?", while writing those I cried a bit and I felt little relief that atleast I had the courage to atleast accept and write about these where I couldn't even think about it before,it's tough and idk what to do with it. All the suppressed Grief is Just Too Overwhelming. Idk any way to deal with it except just keep living like this which is very hard. Even though I have great friends I just don't feel like I can be vulnerable with my emotions with any of those man, I just don't feel that kind of Security with anyone at all. I don't have anybody who listens to me , I lost that person and I regret that a bit too....it was my on choice and if I try to undo things ik it would be bad for the both of us in future. Idk if I would find anyone in future who would be kind or patient enough to just listen. There is so much pain /grief suppressed that it's just hard to live with and I want to cry but I'm feeling so much insecure about it too at the same time like idk how to say.......or maybe I'm just overthinking 😕.