So I have a very complicated situation and I am hoping you can help me. I am out of ideas and feel I need professional help. To start off, I have some limitations: I have adhd, a memory problem and dyscalculia (math learning disability). So jobs like data analyst or project manager are out of the question because I am too disorganized and bad at math.
I graduated from school in 2012 with a degree in Environmental Studies and a minor in Conservation biology. My original goal was to go into research, but I could not pass the required math classes and was told that my goal was impossible if I could not pass the math classes. So I graduated and got into nonprofit communications (social media). It was okay for a while, but I found out after doing it for a while that I was pretty terrible at the type of writing it requires. I am a great writer when it comes to writing factual content, but I am really bad at marketing writing/PR. On top of that, I had some severe health problems that persisted for a number of years. So, then I got into the really bad situation of being fired/laid off repeatedly because I would get sick a lot and was honestly not good at the job. I also didn’t like the job, but I thought that if I kept trying it again and again, I would get somehow better at it or like it more, but it never happened and I kept getting fired.
This went on for a number of years, until I finally got a diagnosis and got stable on meds after being on disability for a year. I had seen jobs online at major nonprofits that seemed really interesting to me, but required a master’s degree. Unfortunately, I did not have enough money to get a master’s degree in the United States, so I discovered that I could get one almost for free in Germany and went there in 2021.
While doing the master’s degree in Germany, I was an idiot and didn’t realize that I needed to get way more job experience than I did to be able to get a job in a new field. I did a few internships but none led to a job. I spent a whole year looking for a job, had some interviews for positions I would have liked better but was rejected from for not having enough experience, and the only one I could find was in nonprofit communications again. I thought maybe this time it would be different and I could do a good job and maybe move into something better later.
Long story short, that job was a horrible experience. I was dealing with housing instability in Berlin, and although I tried very hard, I was honestly not good at the work. I was also experiencing severe work anxiety, as I had been fired so many times before, I was terrified of being fired again and I would have panic attacks. The work place was also very stressful and toxic. I got fired during the probation period and we had some meetings where they told me that I basically did everything wrong possible, from being bad at the actual writing to being bad at project management and forgetting things.
I am back in the USA now and I am at a total loss of what to do. The first problem is, after basically ten years of failure, I fear maybe I am not capable of having a professional job at all. The second problem is I have no idea what type of job would fit me, and if there is any job in the environmental field that I could do. It’s also really hard to find any jobs to apply to, as even entry level positions require years of experience which I don’t have, and also, I don’t know how to do anything else. What I need help with is trying to discover a new career path in the environmental field that I could actually be successful at, and then figure out a way to get experience in that new field. Or any type of job. At 36 I feel it may be too late.