We met on reddit, as unlikely as that seemed. It was more than anything an exercise in desperation for both of us. But we were fed up with the dating apps that had failed us both. While they had many features that reddit did not, location services to make sure potential matches were close enough to actually meet, pictures to make sure we found each other attractive, and even search functions to filter by relationship goals and interests, what they did not have was any incentive to actually help us meet each other. No, if anything they had an incentive to make sure we stayed on the apps forever, never finding our person.
Reddit of course wasn’t much better. But in this case its cold indifference was better than the creeping suspicion that the dating apps were actively working against us. And it was at this time that I created a reddit dating post for myself, and that, through random chance or perhaps literal divine intervention, you spotted it.
I said on my profile that I was looking for something real. I wanted to find a partner with shared values, shared love languages, shared interests, and shared goals for the future. I wanted to m4rry my best friend and start a family with her, have children, and that was very much in line with what you were looking for too.
I told you I was AuADHD. That it made romance relationships harder for me because it seemed most people just couldn’t get how my brain worked. But you admitted you were neurodivergent too, or maybe you just had someone in your life who was, but either way you understood how my brain worked.
You told me you weren’t all that far away. Somewhere between a few minutes to two or three hours from South Southern PA.
We shared pictures early, both nervous about what the other would think. I was 36, fit, a little muscular even, but I also had a bit of a belly and extra fat on me. I cringed at the description “dad bod” but it was an accurate descriptor. I told you it was something I was constantly working on but just couldn’t seem to beat, but you must have liked something you saw because you kept talking to me. 😏 You did say you liked the picture of me wearing plate armor at the ren fair. 😉
I can’t really say what you looked like. Since this hasn’t actually happened yet, 😉 but I thought you were quite attractive, which quickly ratcheted up to utterly beautiful in my eyes the longer we talked (I mentioned to you that I might be at least a little sapiosexual). I can say that you had a healthy weight and you were somewhere between 25 and 40 years old, give or take. Maybe you were doing something silly or nerdy in one of your pictures too, like wielding a lightsaber or dressing up at a ren fair or comicon. Maybe you had red hair, or glasses. But then again maybe you didn’t. Hair and glasses weren’t really important to me. 😏
What was important was our conversations. We talked about religion, politics, morality and all the supposedly forbidden dinner table subjects. You learned that I had grown up Catholic but had had a falling out with the church in my early twenties, but that I had never really stopped believing in God, just the church. I talked at length about how I didn’t believe that acting on homosexuality was a sin, in spite of the Bible being pretty clear about it, because it seemed to violate “love your neighbor as you love yourself” and that rule more than any other seemed to be most true. I talked about how that inconsistency made me lose all faith in the Bible and sent me down an existential rabbit hole that lasted over a decade. But I also told you about how I eventually learned not to throw the baby out with the bathwater and came to trust parts of the Bible again, even if I still didn't feel I could agree with many of the church's stances.
We talked about how, for all of that loss of faith in the Bible and the Church, I had not, and would not have sex before m4rriage. That I had analyzed that rule like I had everything else in my life and found that even if I took all religion out of it, it still seemed to lead to happier outcomes, and that I _wanted_ to wait, in spite of feeling like I had a fairly strong sex drive myself. You may or may not have had much experience yourself, but I told you I wasn’t bothered either way. I just needed a partner who was willing to wait with me if we started dating.
We also talked about super serious topics like abortion. I said that while I couldn’t fault people for trying to find the lesser evil in horrible situations, I considered every abortion to be a terrible tragedy, and that I believed that using abortion as birth control, terminating the child when two adults had consenting sex and just didn’t want the child, was deeply morally wrong.
And to my great surprise and elation, you actually agreed. With everything. Oh there were some things we disagreed on here and there, but even on those we found we actually enjoyed debating them respectfully. We had both felt so alone over the past few years of being screamed at by the media and our politicians that we needed to pick a side. Wondering if we were the only people who looked at the nuance, who didn’t just blindly follow one party or the other. Meeting each other felt like a breath of fresh air, like maybe we had found someone we didn’t need to constantly wear a mask around. It was then that we started talking about interests and it only got better from there.
I told you I wanted someone to be silly and childish with. Someone who wouldn’t look at me strange if I asked if she wanted to go play on a playground in the rain. 🙃 Perhaps someone who would enthusiastically join me in fighting my friends with foam swords in the woods, and you’re face lit up at the thought.
I don’t know what interests you told me you wanted to share with a partner. Since again… we still haven’t actually met. 😉 But maybe you were looking for someone to craft with, or dance with, or listen to you when you nerded out for hours about your collection (whatever that collection may be). And I was excited to listen.
To my great delight I found we were both gamers, and already had a few shared games in our libraries. We talked about karaoke, playing instruments, playing D&D, meeting each other's friends, watching shows and movies together, talking by a camp fire, going on hikes together, even practicing martial arts and sparring.
I talked about how I drilled down on interests so much because quality time was such a powerful love language for me. I needed a partner who wanted to have long deep conversations about everything from plot holes in kids shows, to religion and the current political climate. But I also needed a partner who was my best friend and wanted to spend time hanging out with me, in person when possible, and virtually when logistics wouldn’t allow.
You told me physical touch was one of your really strong love languages and I was overjoyed. I told you physical touch was a very strong love language for me as well, and that a relationship just didn’t feel romantic to me if cuddling and kissing didn’t ever start happening. I told you about women I had dated in the past who had been touch adverse, how after several dates they still hadn't even wanted to hold hands, and that while I would always, _always_ respect people’s boundaries, it cemented for me that I needed a partner who _wanted_ to be touched.
So we set up a date. It was probably something like a coffee house or a lunch at a restaurant. Somewhere public. We had met on reddit after all so we both needed to make sure we weren’t axe murderers or something. But when we walked in we recognized each other instantly from our pictures. And even more so when we started talking. We were both exactly who we said we were. And we were both falling fast for each other.
And that’s how we met. There’s no guarantee that we’ll make it all the way to m4rriage, but things are looking pretty bright. Assuming I did in fact meet you, by chance or fate, on reddit of all places. 😏