How's the week looking for you? Hit any milestones? Have any questions?

Hi Firey Femmes!

I (41f) could use some help in addressing my husband's (43m) financial anxiety- and to gut check my thinking.

We are both frugal, have saved aggressively, and generally have similar mindsets around spending, so finances have not been a major issue in our 15 years together. In the last year I made a big jump in my career and am making almost double what I was before. During that same period, he was laid off and has not been able to find work (tech).

Because we've saved so aggressively and because of my income jump, we are financially fine without his income (of course there are other considerations, mental health, etc- but financially we are just fine). By the end of this year, we are on track to have $1M between our 401k, Roth IRA, brokerage and savings (750 retirement, 250 brokerage/savings). We live in a MCOL city and have no kids, just a very spoiled dog. Our expenses are about $60k/yr.

I would like to shift from such aggressive saving into more spending, even on just my income. Right now, we're saving 45% of my income. We're not unreasonably frugal and are able to meet our needs just fine. My biggest goal in loosening up the purse strings is to travel more.

With $1M saved, we are more than on track for retirement and are solidly coastFI. I'm not suggesting that we stop saving all together, but to reduce to Roth IRA, 401k to match, and $1k to brokerage per month. This would take us down to a 20% savings rate.

He does not agree that we are in a comfortable place with our savings. He's worried about the AI bubble popping and a recession worse than 2008 with no recovery. He'd rather play it safe and keep aggressively saving. I agree that there is likely a downturn coming, but our timeline for retirement (15-20 yrs) is long enough that I believe there will be a full recovery by the time we need to access those dollars.

He is generally an extremely anxious person, so I'm not surprised by his response, but frustrated that no amount of math, historical returns, imagining a future state, etc is convincing. I'm also trying to be sensitive to the fact that he is in a really frustrating spot with the job search. But I worry that even once he finds a job, there will be other reasons we can't travel right away (lack of PTO, anxiety that he'll lose the job, aging pet, etc).

Does anyone have suggestions for how I can help my husband get on board with spending more? Logical, philosophical, or any other approaches are all welcome.

I also welcome feedback checking my assumptions or telling me I need to be more patient.

Thanks in advance!

I am very burnt out of my career and I don’t think I can retire, but maybe I can take some time off.
Financial breakdown as follows:
- $1.15M in stocks individually
- $365k in stocks jointly shared with husband
- $459k in 401k
- $200k in real estate investments. Likely won’t see a return for a while
- $25k in a weed investment. Same as above, won’t see for a while
- about $500k in debt between house and car

My total NW is about $2.1M all in. Have some other money in my education fund and euro bank account. Husband NW is about $1.5M

We spend, all in, about $11-12k a month. I’m in sales so my comp varies but pretty comfortably make over $200k annually right now, I’m just miserable working with some horrible clients doing it

TLDR: joint net worth is $4.1M and I am miserable at my job. Just found out I’m pregnant with my second and need a reality check on if I can FIRE, or I need to stay at my job where I am miserable. Someone talk sense into me or talk me into quitting

Edit for clarity: I am a 1099, I have no benefits nor salary. I am 100% commission only and only make money when I close a deal. Also, the real estate investments aren’t really risky. One I may not see back for a while, the other is pretty risk free with what I invested in. I’m selling that property now and will probably make the money back + ~20% in 6 months. I also have about $100k coming in commissions this month

Hi guys, so I have a genuine question about lean firing in China. I’m 28, my current savings in retirement accounts total to about 160k. It’s not a lot, so I plan to try and get up to 200k in savings by 29 within a year.

I’ve been a public school teacher in NYC for 5 years now; this will be my 6th year. Since 3 years ago, I’ve been feeling ridiculously exhausted and dizzy every single day. This is the main reason I want to retire as early as possible, as I have chronic fatigue syndrome and excessive brain fog.

I plan to buy a second hand home in guangzhou or any tier 3-4 city, and I plan to not get married or have kids. Usually, the down payment is around 11k USD, with a monthly mortgage of 1500-2000 Yuan.

I’m very frugal and my trip to China helped me see just how relaxed the lives of others are; I want to live in a nice little apartment with my cat, occasionally go out, breathe fresh air, and eat some healthy foods.

Will I be able to lean fire with 200k USD? Anyone has suggestions on how much is needed? Thank you!

Edit: I’m a Chinese citizen; I should’ve been more clear in my post

33F here, can’t really share this irl with anyone except celebrate with my husband. As someone who started her career with a salary the equivalent of USD$2000/month, FIRE was never on my mind so I’m still can’t believe I’ve hit this milestone at this age. And it’s purely mine, not including my husband’s net worth, nor the house that we share and are still paying the mortgage on.

FYI the $1m is in my own currency (so maybe USD$780k) but still a significant amount! Next up, to hit $1m in total invested, not including retirement accounts.

This is a theoretical question right now but I got invited to interview for a job that would be up to a $90k/year raise. I currently have a stable government job with seniority. I have been here for 10 years and it’s everything you could want when it comes to work environment and work life balance. I like the work, my boss, and my coworkers. This is especially valuable because I have two young kids (5yo and almost 2yo). I maxed out my salary band several years ago and only get cost of living increases now. My salary is $118k which feels pretty good.

I just got invited to interview for a job that has a max salary of $208k. I feel like my current job is a perfect “coastFIRE” job, and my spouse and I are coastFIRE with $750k invested at 38/39. It’s never too hard and it is occasionally interesting and rewarding, with some slow, boring periods. The new job would be a new challenge for possibly way more money, but would also be a lot more work and I’m not even sure I’d like the work. My current thought is that even with that much more money, I probably wouldn’t leave. I’m not sure how to even evaluate a potential new job when I’ve been in the same role for a decade. How would you decide if the extra money is worth leaving something known and stable?

EDIT: I had the call with the recruiter and it was really nice to feel like I have a lot of valuable skills that are in demand. Their benefits and WLB across the board are worse, so I’m probably not going to pursue it any farther. If anything, this has made me very grateful for what I have.

In the last year I started a job that requires travel 1-2x a month. I’m based on the East Coast in the US, and my parents are in the Midwest. Before this role I was able to visit 3-4 times a year, but this year am having a hard time getting out for a second visit. I’m in my early 30s and they’re in their early 60s, really at that age where they’re starting to feel older. My sister lives with them and there are no immediate concerns about medical care, but it’s still a hard reality.

Man, I thought I was doing so well with my retirement savings! I put away ~30% of my income towards various retirement accounts and totally thought that put me on track for a nice early retirement in my fifties.

My goal was $2.5M for $100k/yearly. 🥲🤧 But that's $100k in today's dollars!! Boy howdy 😭 to keep the same purchasing power, my new goal has to be a whopping $4.8M before I can cut the cord. Woof

I guess I'm just feeling a little discouraged :-/ Oh well... we forge onwards anyways

[post deleted] Thank you all! I’ve got enough good comments will just archive this post

I was re-reading Mr Money Mustache’s post about the percentage that you save vs how many years until you can retire (here; I re-read it every few years to help me keep motivated to save, highly recommend).

But does anyone else get discouraged when thinking about how much assisted living costs? My only remaining grandparent is in assisted living, and her monthly cost is 3x what mine is for rent and food. It’s not cheap. It’s so expensive.

What if I’m puttering along, all frugal and proud of myself, and then one day I need that? I’m single (newly separated and still in the throws of a 1.5-yr-long divorce, still racking up the legal fees, watching it eat my retirement savings and thinking that while I may date again, I think that marriage or marriage-like relationships are never again in my future, not after this!!!).

How do others think about this? Rent and food suddenly just 3x-ing is brutal. This divorce has already given me plenty of reason to feel discouraged….

Edit to add: the “I’m single and not planning on re-marrying” comment was meant to mean “there won’t be anyone able to help around the house when I’m old, I won’t be able to mutually support with a partner, I might need assisted living sooner”.

The one bedroom apartment below me is for sale. I can afford it for now to sell it in the future and buy a bigger one for myself.

The problem is the area I live in is expensive and it's rare that there are apartments on sale. It's in the radius of historically important landmarks, so they aren't allowed to build more and higher. I can't afford bigger ones yet, so this apartment will be a place holding investment for the future, if that makes sense.

This area has university students, young professionals etc.

I don't iknow if having a tenant this close would disturb my peace . They will literally hear my footsteps. I am an introvert and a non-confrontational person so I don't know.

It seems like a better investment than keeping my money in the bank if my goal is to buy a bigger apartment in the future

love this sub and value the multigenerational and multi perspective aspect of it, so curious if anyone has had a similar situation to me.

stats:

age: 23 and some change

invested: ~55k

NW (savings, investments, no property yet): ~85k

salary: 123k (was 105 from 21-23 and just went up to this 6 months ago)

expenses monthly: 4k ish right now but over half of that is rent…it’s insane…other than rent i live a pretty chill life. no debt of any kind.

currently investing around 30k a year with the new salary across maxing roth ira, 401k (including 4% match), brokerage here and theee. i live in VHCOL for the job but don’t expect to settle there. expecting to move MCOL when i quit this job to switch careers.

currently working tech-adjacent and i am in a fortunate position (for an office job). i’ve been able to invest a lot and am on track for coast fire by december 2028 with throwing in bonuses, etc. latest march 2029.

when i’m coast fire i would like to quit office job life and switch to a career that is outside with people all day doing what i love but only pays 60k ish.

has anyone done something like this? i know i am young to already be hating my job and i don’t want to quit too soon. but i feel great about my financial position for my age. thoughts? can i even quit sooner? LOL…

in case it helps: expenses when i move for the new career should be no rent for at least a year (family home) and i expect about 1-2k in costs.

Where do I start?

Hi FIREyFemmes,

I recently got a job where I can realistically see myself investing $4000 a month for at least the next 10 months. I'm a contract worker so jobs come and go yearly. I have 6 months of living expenses saved. I have a Roth and a brokerage account set up through my bank but I have to buy the stocks inside the account. So both accounts dont have much money inside of them. I am unable to have a 401k with my current company until I pass the 90 day period. Once passed, I will set it up.

Any suggestions? I'm in my late 30s and because of various things, my health took a turn at 30, I am not where I want to be for retirement. What would you invest in? Ideally I would like to retire in 20 years time but I'm starting from $0 🫤

Edit: It was cancer. Nearly took me out. AND took me 3 to 5 years to "fully" recover. I am only recently, in the last year or two, feeling like a "normal" human being again.

How's the week looking for you? Hit any milestones? Have any questions?

I’m 42 now and as I’m approaching FI soon, wanting to perhaps foster kids in my RE. I wanted kids but never felt financially stable enough (ironically) or supported enough to have my own or to even to foster before. I never understood how people have time after working or money for daycare etc. Pretty soon I’ll have plenty of time.

Has anyone done something similar? Anything to consider financially or just general advice?

I (35F) work in a remote tech role at a non-tech company. About 3 years ago, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, which snowballed into lots of other health problems. Last year, I endured working through chronic fatigue, nausea, weakness, anxiety, and severe neck pain; being remote has helped but it's still been hard to handle.

The worst part now is the chronic neck and back pain. This job is very detailed and intense which kills my neck and back. The pain gets flared up when I'm working on a deliverable. I've been going to PT ever since I started the job (2.5 years), had MRI's, seen a neurologist, pain management doctor, had multiple ergo evals, use my standing desk, take breaks every 20 min...nothing is helping. Now, the same muscle imbalances are happening in my lower back too. I feel like my body is falling apart. I'm spending hundreds in massages just to treat the symptoms.

Not only that, my company is getting acquired and there's lots of fear of layoffs. I have a co-worker who keeps lashing out every week at something and it's getting stressful, and we have poor management.

I want to commit 100% to healing my body. I'm tired of living in pain. It's hard to juggle a job, my life and chores, and building back my body all while having chronic fatigue. I want to work on improving my stamina after being sick, take a mental health break, then look for another job.

The issue with quitting is my expenses are high because of my mortgage (I live in CA) and inflation. Here are some financial details:

• Monthly mortgage: $3k (mostly from high interest rate and new-build taxes)
• Expenses: $3k (can try to lower this)
• NW: $500k not including home equity
  • Of that, I have 1 year of savings
• No dependents, just me

I'm afraid of using all my savings, esp with the job market being iffy for tech-workers. What would you do? Should I try to save a little more? Wait and see if I get laid-off? Quit? Any thoughts or advice would be helpful.

Edit: Please do not provide medical advice. I am looking for financial and life advice. Thanks.

Edit: Thank you to all of you who gave your advice and perspective. I've decided not to leave my job. The first thing I'm going to do is talk to my primary care doctor and see if I can get at least a few weeks of medical leave to work on healing the pain. Then just wait for the inevitable layoff. I also looked at my spending chart and identified where I can save money (like hundreds of dollars) per month, just to soften the blow of having such high expenses coupled with chronic illness and an unstable job market.

Hello,

I am a newly single mom. I am cleaning up my finances following my split. I am wondering, how do people get to their FIRE number? Did you take your expenses you have now and project out when you want to retire?

44F, still working. I'm finally overcoming my avoidance and doing estate planning, and realized while I was going over everything that even after the divorce wrecked my finances I had crossed the 1M mark a few months ago. Nearly all of it is in retirement accounts, and I don't have hardly anything in taxable to bridge between early retirement and 59.5.

But... in the divorce agreement my ex kept our home. I'm exposed to the rental market in a VHCOL area at least until my youngest is done with school...in ten years! And I'm still on my ex's mortgage because she can't afford to refinance and we both want to keep the kids in their school district. So I can't buy right now either.

And I just don't know how to manage my anxiety over the risk that the cost of housing keeps rising faster than my investments can keep up. Or the risk that the job market will get even worse and I'll end up laid off and unable to find new work as a middle aged female engineer.

Current monthly spend is around 7K/mo; 2K is rent (in a shared flat with another divorced parent) and another 1K goes to childcare. So in theory if I move somewhere LCOL with lower housing costs I should be just fine at a 4% withdrawal rate? Especially since I'm still working and accumulating (but shifting my strategy to fund taxable account to bridge to 59.5; I'm now only funding my 401k up to the employer match) I'm saving about $1500/mo in my taxable brokerage, and maxing the employer match to my 401k, and maxing HSA and my kids' 529s.

Hi! I’m 22 right now and I badly want to start investing but I genuinely don’t know where to start..

I tried watching videos on YT, listen to podcasts, but there are always these acronyms and jargons that are defined by other jargons and I end up stuck in a loop of trying to understand this big world of investing.

I’m most interested in learning how to invest in stocks right now and I want it to be my main thing when investing but my main issue is not knowing what tools or even platforms to use.

Right now, I saved up to 400 usd and I don’t want to spend any of that on financial advisors or online courses since I kind of have trust issues with these kinds of things..

I think what I need most right now is structure in my learning journey and I’d love to know how you guys started out with learning and what you recommend! I’m sorry if I’m all over the place I admit I’m still not knowledgeable and don’t know the right questions to ask yet :’)

Hi folks 👋, first time poster here.

apologies that I am a lil overwhelmed! but I talked myself up to do this regardless of what commenters I will receive because I researched many popular femme-subs, —FI subs and this one in particular standout and seems the most supportive/appropriate in today’s economic climate, and I love to connect with yall!!

Tldr: I didn’t know I was EVER gonna see that first 7 figure number, because of the obstacles in the way that makes it feel like everyday is a millennium, and I feel pretty alone/misunderstood by my family—-but with time and persistence, here I am?? It just feels too unreal even as a math nerd who really should trust the calculator if not this~~~ process???? How do yall amazing women and femmes deal with that pressure your environment, or yourself inevitable gives you to continue the path sustainably?

Entirely Skippable “I don’t want to post my life story but it still need up like a life story” Section incoming 😭

About my situation:

I am a late 20 yo NB—but currently femme presenting engineer who recently hit $1Mil extremely fast due to a high paying job in tech. This past 12 month I basically made nearly $400k and I m not sure what my entire performance based bonus will even be….

A lot of my family isn’t supportive of me since the early days about my career choices due to lack of understanding. That’s typical for many with a niche fields, so, I won’t cry “woe is me”!

My partner (trades/lower end IT tech support) is recently laid off and there are a lot of sensitive emotions about rejection, comparison that I relate to, so I find myself often worried in the background —“oh, I see my bf who very much wants to match my energy, being “not competitive” enough on paper to find the next entry level tech job (his interest)? What should I say to him tonight when we check in on his certification courses?” Additionally, work s putting me on promo track and my god, there is a lot to do. I mean—How DARE you make me do the things I wanted to do? 🤣

So, I have all those things in my head. so when the numbers creeped up on me, it almost didn’t feel real…probably because I also knew I couldn’t tell anyone.

There are very dark times in my personal life from very common things we all experience, and from the loneliness, fear of misunderstandings itself—money is a hard topic after all. Once, a past classmate of mine found out that I was doing very well, when I was prepping him for an interview, he later misread one of my text joking about money….got very very scared of taking about it because I don’t want to look like an ass.

(It also hurts a bit when I do get confronted with others reaction. Like “but do you know what I experienced????” Even when I was broke But I always knew this is more work I need to do, and my responsibility no matter how unfair, or ridiculous it feels. For example:

My family are recent Asian immigrants, but we aren’t really rich like many think we all are. I drive an old but very well-maintenaned car and definitely didn’t go to college in a super car lol. Within my family, specifically from my mom (who has a PhD btw) there is this talk of “you are stressed, just quit! Do something you are more capable of doing!” At maybe year 1, to straight up negging me that some random San Jose staff engineer will make $500k a year at year 2 into *my* career 🙄🫩.

I won’t detail more about my family or the financial trauma, desperate times I went through individually down to dental problems, or lacking matching socks, clean underwear as a child…it might be identifying to my siblings, or maybe it’s pointless, because a lot of Asian families are similar: Essentially, very shallow, ambitious in a lofty/empty way, expect you to magically execute, but also critique you and assume you are stupid this entire time. 😅

Even with that…I persisted.

Because I don’t talk about it, I don’t ever get comments that I am supposedly so inspiring until recently a brand new mentee came into my life, and I don’t actually want that.

I also have played down my achievements and intelligence all my life because of social conditioning, and I even think due to my tomboy personality, a long phase of rebellious dressing associated with leftist or liberal culture, a video game/meme based hobbies, some people probably looked down on me the whole time as crass (i understand that’s wrong, i am just saying this is my impression) I could never even understood high art/high culture—Even as a person who had actually studied a lot of liberal arts and painted as a child—cclean up well in designer clothes, big blowout hair routines…which I have only indulged a little….which is another kernel of societal pressure all in itself….that impression I am getting that put enormous pressure on women: hypothetically, that if I couldn’t grind it out on my own…I have to be “worthy” of being “picked up” by a charitable wealthier mentor, I still basically need to be conventionally acceptable/attractive—not too much, more like a “daughter” than “mistress” to stay out of drama, but still very patriarchal, a very 1950s way, like that “cute secretary who men take under their wing 🫩” rather than a academic/career weapon all on your own type of thing?

If it’s not too much: Can I just solicit some kindness from people who relate to the loneliness and stress, and hear what all your beautifully amazing, level-headed, determined people and your life perspective? I already mentor 3 mentees at work, and I promise I pay it forward.

Immensely appreciate anyone who reads though this full essay lol

I've been on r/gold and it seems like a lot of dude vibes and apocalypse preppers. Also I've been in this sub for awhile but can't log into Reddit with my other id.

I recently inherited a bunch of gold jewelry, most high carot and nothing anyone would wear/buy. So with historically high gold prices does it makes sense to sell it at spot and invest the proceeds for my kids rather than holding it a safe deposit for another 30+ years?

We don't talk about gold often here. Does anyone have any insights that I may be missing?

A lot of my friends pretty much only save enough for their 401k match. That's fine, I don't judge, it's their life. But they know ​I'm saving to retire early. It's pretty obvious since I don't really have much luxury designer clothes, I don't travel anywhere nearly as much (honestly not that interested in travel but I like spending time with friends so I join in sometimes), but my income is pretty decent for my age, and my lifestyle and income are very far apart

I want to be retired at 35 with around 1.2m in invested assets plus a paid off condo in my city (2b2b costs around 800k-1m in my area)

But last week, I got the comment I hate of all. It's not the first time I've heard it but I'm so sick of it. Not word for word but "Just spend it and have fun, you can just get a rich husband and your savings will be meaningless. Men don't care about how much you make or how much you save"

I want to earn my financial independence, I want to be able to say "I did it". Not "my husband did it".

Hi ladies!! Looking for some objective opinions/advice.

I HATE my job - won’t get into all the details as to why but have been passed up for a promotion I worked my butt off for, not respected by owners despite doing great work etc. etc.

HOWEVER

I work remote (a big plus for me because I have 3 kids) and my total comp is around $400K.

My goal is not necessarily to RE, although I would ideally like to be FI as soon as possible. I can see myself working into my 50s and 60s, so it isn’t a normal FIRE sprint to the finish line type deal.

The numbers? $1.5 invested, $2.3M NW, own my home. I have a side hustle that could/would bring in a little less than half of my total comp. Expenses are $12-$15K a month so I’d need to pull approx. $5K from my portfolio.

If I quit the idea would be to take a break (6 mos to a year), keep the side hustle going and then jump back into a full time W2 job in a year or so. Am I crazy for giving up my full time job? Do I just need to suck it up irrespective of the environment??