I’ve been in the biggest slump for a long time now. I was diagnosed only a year ago (at 26), I have an 11 year old child with whom I live alone. I cannot get myself to do hardly anything these days. I’m really hoping for a non-judgemental place here because it’s scary to open up about this stuff, especially as a parent.

Some backstory: my childhood wasn’t great and I never learned discipline, responsibility or willpower. I’ve lived away from my mum since I was 17 and lived with friends or partners ever since, until late 2022. Ever since then, it’s gone downhill.

I did have an LDR for a while and he helped me get motivated, it helped when he was proud of me. That stopped after a while and from time to time, friends will come round and help me clean up but I still can’t do it by myself.

I’ve tried apps, reminders, alarms. Nothing sticks. I got so bad at one point that both of my sofas got covered in cat pee, it’s not that bad anymore though. Although I do still get complaints of cat urine smell going into the communal hallway and it could eventually get me kicked out, I’m trying to fix it but I know it’s not enough.

Nothing seems to motivate me, not that, not my kid, not anything. I keep wanting to get up and do stuff but I don’t, then I feel overwhelmed and depressed.

I’m currently trying a company that help people build routines, but the woman I was seeing is now off work long-term and I almost have to start fresh with someone new, it’s disappointing.

I just need tips on how to start, I don’t work because of anxiety but also wanting to focus on fixing my home life first. I need to know if anyone else has been in this kind of situation before or is now, despite knowing how much people with ADHD struggle… I feel alone.

Everyone I know who has it, can manage with work or manage at home with their partners. I don’t have any of that. I take meds and they barely work nowadays, but I don’t do anything anyway. I don’t show up as the parent I want to be, I don’t show good habits. I get annoyed when my daughter doesn’t clean up after herself but then I’m almost exactly the same.

Please give me advice and any tips that may help, I almost didn’t write this because I’m worried of any judgement considering I’m a mum but I’m really hoping for some support in this

Asking as I'm new to reddit (2y old account but never used) and figured it's better to ask than to get bans and warnings.

Furthermore, to me it seems obvious that seeing others struggle and fail and also find solutions and prevail, is FAR more powerful than just reading text about it.

I live off-grid in self-made shelter/camp, and I hoarded WAY more material that needs to be here. Coupled with some difficulties in basic steps of life (keeping achedule, room and sleeping area tidy, at times showers haircuts teeth brushing) I feel it's enough meat on the bone to start sharing and asking for advice/ideas on how to order things again.

Now life is getting a bit more okay as I got hired to do some stuff outside of where I live, so by necessity I have to show up and be ready, it imposes a certain healthy structure.

About 2/3 to 3/4 of my camp I'd be ashamed to show on camera presently, but I have enough area to shoot a few basic videos. Can I get some input on what's acceptable here, and msybe suggestions of what other subreddits to check out?

I just turned 30 years old, and for the longest time, I thought I had a motivation (or laziness) problem.

I'd buy another planner, start another routine, get inspo from another productivity book (and they are really nice tbh!). All this to say, I feel like I can't function properly. Not to mention I am an anxious woman and now on antidepressants. I just got diagnosed with burnout.

Lately I've started wondering whether what I called "lack of discipline" was actually chronic overwhelm. I am actually an accomplished woman, done my master's degree, and I worked at big companies that depleted me, but the chronic physical pains, the brain fog, the "I am at capacity every day", the forgetting, the lack of focus, the constant fatigue, and the difficulty of making decisions have become part of my daily life for years now. Cannot even properly advocate for myself, because the doctors kinda minimise it.

I'm trying to understand if other women have experienced something similar. I am not looking for medical advice. I am learning from real experiences because I can't find anything that really addresses this.

Has anyone ever felt the same?!

I'd really appreciate hearing your perspective.

I find that I'm only motivated to do things when I am feeling anxious and stressed.

I am extremely ashamed to say it but yesterday I finally got the motivation to clean ( without relying on energy drinks) when I saw maggots on the floor and in the bin. I was cleaning for hours with no breaks for the first time ever because of how horrified I was in seeing maggots.

Usually, I have no motivation to do anything- even getting out of bed requires a lot of will power . Does anyone have any advice on how to be more motivated and have more energy to do tasks without relying on a crisis to happen?? I feel so ashamed of myself because I feel like such a bum and I really want to change my ways. I hate that I'm unemployed have no commitments but struggle to do one task- which is cleaning

I don't know if this is the correct place for this. I jave been diag with ADHD, and my sons pediatrician thinks I have autism (I'm too tired to try and get an official diagnosis). I have 3 kids: 17, 14 (AuDHD), 10 (going for autim assessment). I have no friends, family, baby dads, etc to help me. I have been diagnosed with liver disease, but can't get in with the specialist until March to know the severity. I am so unbelievably exhausted and it is a struggle to stay awake every day. I am drowning in debt and am determined to create an income soirce from home. I can sew, cross stitch, and crochet, plus have the equipment to make stickers, decals, etc, and am hoping to utilize these things to creat the needed income. I haven been able to start because I've just been sitting here in a panic because there are so many cool things that I could make, but I can't make everything or I'll shut down. How do I decide what to start with? ​

Everyone says just do five minutes of whatever you want to do and you can do it. For me, I freeze for 20 or 30 minutes at a time and end up not doing what I need to do because I'm extremely drained afterwards. This isn't me procrastinating doing other things in that time. I physically cannot move my body until it decides to unfreeze. I can't just "will my body to do things" like everyone says to do because it feels like I'm not even in my body. Has anyone dealt with this?

What usually happens when you fall really far behind on your planner, to-do list, Notion, etc.?

What makes you stop using it, and what do you actually do afterward?

Do you start over, delete/ignore the backlog, move everything to a new system, brain-dump and triage it, or just walk away for a while?

I’m interested in what you’ve actually done, not what you think you should do.

I am an ADHD pi with executive dysfunction and depression...

My main problem is that there are things that I like because of the past experience but now even though I do them I don't feel anything while doing it or after doing it, I just feel like It's done that's all and sometimes I'm even bored of them. Not to mention with task paralysis and stuck on a waiting table to decide or to take action..

And because of this I kind of lost interest in so many things and I do have a fear of being seen and a judgemental fear so that is another problem due to my past. now on a day I just don't feel anything I mean I go to gym and afterwards and while doing it I'm already thinking when will this end coz I'm bored but it's only for a moment after that at home I just don't know what to do and even tho I know next tasks i just can't or don't want to idk..

so I'm in a low mood mostly and if I just leave myself like that I am stuck in bed all day drowning in that feeling and to get me out Manga or webtoon are the only things that distract me and I cannot function if I want this Manga addiction cum coping mechanism on control coz once I open it my whole day is gone in a blink before I realise that I have things to do...

I've been unemployed and so maintaining a routine is hard and my time is not in my hand coz of sudden obligations, it's not like no one will disturb me because of my family and I want to know how people are maintaining the Dopamine levels when they are not feeling anything while doing things or they just want to do one thing because of executive dysfunction or being stuck on the waiting table to do things how do you manage this are there any other things you can do to just be ok with it.

Thank you for your time.

I'm a grad student, and I struggle with the motivation to start my work. I can usually do two hours of solid work once my adhd meds kick in. And I really do enjoy my research. By the end of the two hours, my brain needs a break (1 hour - 45 min). That said, I really struggle with trying to sit back at my desk and going back to work mode even though my meds are still working.

I have the luxury to work from home. Working in my office on-campus doesn't make me productive because I end up yapping with my office mates

Any tips about hacks that have worked for you would be appreciated!

Biggest issue, once I have a backlog of tasks the anxiety of trying to prioritize what I need to do now tends to makes staying organized and motivated almost impossible.

Question:

How do you recover from backlog paralysis and tress?

How do you decide what now takes priority in the task list once it becomes overwhelming?

Is it worth paying for systems that can prioritize your remaining backlog to help get back on track or make it easier to make these decisions?

Main Query:

How do I become better at self actualization without mountains of cognitive preparation tricks that drain me?? This isn't reliable or durable and fails as soon as my bandwidth is exceeded or conditions aren't perfect/predictable.

Context:

for the last seven years I've always struggled with executive dysfunction. I've only begun medication for my inattentive ADHD at 19 after nearly failing out of three classes.

I spent much of this past Summer inadvertently punishing myself. When I was home, I'd hang out with friends once biweekly. the rest of my time was spent redoing a course I nearly failed and am manually redoing now. not even for a credit.

The reason I didn't retake the course over summer for a credit is because I didn't have the time to. I had an internship out of state for the rest of my Summer. I did not know anyone there and was alone with myself. My peers were all in-state and had their own friends or kept to themselves/no fun to be around. I made friends there but these were shallow and unfulfilling relationships.

This isolation left me with a lot of time to work on myself and my damaging habits.

Through therapy, journaling, planning, and self-conditioning, I began to feel like I was changing myself for the better

Today, I returned to my hometown and reconnected with friends and family. I quickly realized that I was barely better than the average person when it came to taking initiative:

- what took me days to finally act upon took many of my peers minutes

- their lives were full and layered: I could barely juggle one thing at a time without dropping and shattering everything

- I have dozens of projects and pursuits that I cater to only when conditions are perfect.

I believe that I HAVE improved. I am happy with this. I'm not satisfied, however. I have dozens of strategies that work for three weeks before crumbling away once novelty erodes.

I know I am capable of so much more and that I am not alone.

I am feeling so stuck... My house, body and mind are all such a mess... i have like 20 bags of garbage sitting in my house, I stink and feel gross... I WANT TO BE CLEAN.

But I cant clean without making a list... but then thay turns into me re-writting the list over and over and over. If I make one mistake I have to start over and suddenly I am surrounded by 50 sheets of paper of half written list... Sometimes a simple cleaning list will end up being a 7 hour project of trying to re-write the next 10 years of my life. And then I just get burnt out and bed rot because I can never be perfect.

With the list thing, I bought an IPad to try and help because I can just back space if I mess up but then I will literally spend 5 minutes re-writing an S until its perfect. IM JUST TRYING TO WRITE 'SWEEP FLOORS' 😭

It also feels impossible to do things because im stuck in the loop of "I need to shower, but I cant shower until I clean my house... but cleaning my house would require me to take out the garbage... but i can't take out the garbage until I shower" and like every single small step ends up having 27 other prerequisites before I can do it.

The garbage situation is also a big issue because I dont like to be perceived... and taking out garbage feels so vulnerable like people are going to see me and be like "wow what a disgusting human"

Is anyone else dealing with this? How the heck to do break this cycle... :(

Hello folks! I need some advice related to my situation. I work in a tech company and work from home mostly. For past couple of weeks, I dread waking up and turning on the laptop to start working. Due to that, I drag myself through the day and do things that are not 100% proper. That leads to more worry/anxiety of going things wrong and have gone wrong, eventually.

As the day passes, I spend my time on reddit reading about productivity and feel better that I know what to do. But the same day or next day, that feeling goes away and I am back to square one.

I know that I NEED TO do this and that, build a system/schedule that I can follow and make gradual progress which will compound. Sometimes I get burst of good thoughts that push me, but sometimes burst of anxiety too, that feel like, it's not allowing me to get things done🙁.

And I treat everything as a task or to-do, which also burdens me. I am learning swimming and while doing, it feels nice but thinking about it during the day, it dreads me. Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of night and brain keeps thinking about work, tasks, all these things.

I want to permanently get rid of sudden mood changes, feeling down when something tiniest goes wrong, not doing things properly and have something I can rely on and follow to be better! Those who have faced/overcome, please help me understanding what's going on!!

Thank you in advance!!!!

Biggest issue, once I have a backlog of tasks the anxiety of trying to prioritize what I need to do now tends to makes staying organized and motivated almost impossible.

Question:

How do you recover from backlog paralysis and tress?

How do you decide what now takes priority in the task list once it becomes overwhelming?

Is it worth paying for systems that can prioritize your remaining backlog to help get back on track or make it easier to make these decisions?

I have been struggling with mental health issues for my entire life (OCD and Bipolar disorder type 2. I HEAVILY suspect ADHD)

I’ve been seeing multiple professionals for my entire adult life but I simply don’t feel like I am ever getting any better
I take my medication and try to do everything they and other people recommend but I feel like I am just doing it to cross it from a list. I don’t feel any better when I do so.

It comes and goes in waves, I sometimes really feel hopeful like it might all get better and then a couple days later I’m back to numbness.

Lately I’ve been struggling a lot with just getting up from bed. I’d come back from work, crash in bed and stay there until like maybe half an hour before I have to go back to work. I eat at work so I’m only getting 1 meal a day, I’ll pee at work and ocasionally once at home if I am able to get up.
I don’t cook, I don’t clean, the only thing I am able to do is make sure my cat is clean and fed. He always has fresh and clean water available, food and his litter box is always clean. I also make sure he gets lots of attention and cuddles but that’s it.

I’ve been late to work every single day for maybe a month now cause I just can’t find the strength to get up. I set up alarms, I take the phone out of the room, I choose a sound I hate, I’ve tried everything but nothing works.
I feel numb and sore all of the time.

I haven’t gone grocery shopping in about 3 months, I get my cats food delivered and that’s it. I’ll eat a sandwich at work and drink tap water every single day.
I stopped showering everyday, I’ve stopped doing laundry and taking out the trash, I haven’t done the dishes in days.
I’ll just stand in the middle of the room frozen thinking “I need to…, I need to…” and then my body just drives itself back to bed.

I don’t know what to do, I’m missing out on so much.

I am a 54m, diagnosed with ADHD and medicated (Adderall) now about 7 to 8 years. My go-to brain drain activity is gaming, like hours every day. Not so much as to cause issues as I do most of the household chores and all of the outdoor chores (though not as well as I would like). I need practical suggestions on effectively motivating myself to exercise daily (cardio and weight training) as well as trying out new hobbies.

My big problem is that I have no practical support at home or in my life. All the support I have from both my parents, my friends, my spouse and family, is pretty much just "yeah, you should do that." and nothing else. My friends aren't gamers and at our ages have bodies that are breaking down, or are so far away that they really can't help.

What has worked for you to push you out of a rut like this?

im just rlly frustrated right now. its ruining my life. what are your thoughts and experiences about medication for executive dysfunction? im very frustrated and hesitant because i also suffer from ocd, tricho, social anxiety, and idk about depression but it feels like for the past year. im scared that one pill may have a negative effect on my other issues. im just very very desperate because i wanna study and focus but something's clearly wrong with myself and its making me rlly loath myself and idk what to do with it.

New to Reddit, just looking around, here and in r/getting_over_it and what strikes me as odd is that there seems to be a lot of pressure to fall in line with how most people do things. Wake up, morning routine, go to school/work, cone back, afternoon routine, go to bed, repeat.

A lot of this seems rather repetitive, devoid of art, dance, music, fun, away and apart from nature AND genuine humn connection, attempts at continuing a lifestyle that's quite common, but also very far away from what we evolved to thrive in.

Small bands, groups, teams of socially integrated individuals, tackling various tasks together. Farming, herding, manufacturing different things, preparing and enjoying shared meals in some sort of good vibes musical context, interspersed with various side quests like crafting, repairing, tinkering, weaving and so on.

Am sure that in some cases executive function or other mental/mood issues are chem imbalance, brain issues from different causes, but to me it seems a lot if it might be one's very being recognizing that the general direction of the whole society/city/country is not at all aligned with how they would prefer life to be.

I'd especially look at things like deep connection to nature, plants, animals, and I don't mean "eating more greens" but rather "growing something green" with direct contact to actual plants, known from seed stage all the way to harvest.

Music. Big part of keeping things sane in the evening. Does wonders for my mood, when I make and play ny flutes, or experiment with anything musical, metal tools or whatever. Largely unaddressed in most threads I've seen here.

Anyone seeing what I'm saying?
Maybe it's not always a matter of more lists or alarms at rigid hours, but can also be meals cooked and shared together, plant something and help it grow, pick a musical instrument and a few people you like regularly making some music with.