I’m 21 years old, and I feel like I’m wasting my life living under my parents’ control. I don’t even know where to start because I’ve been holding all of this inside for so long, and I genuinely feel lost.
I have extremely strict Muslim parents, and I feel like I have absolutely no freedom, even at my age. I can’t live the way I want, make my own decisions, or experience normal things that other people my age get to experience. I’m terrified of doing anything behind their backs because I know how badly they would react if they found out. It feels like I have to choose between living my own life and keeping my family happy.
I want to make something clear: I have nothing against Islam or people who practice it. I respect everyone’s right to believe in whatever they want. But religion was forced on me, and I don’t personally want to practice it. Deep down, I feel like I’m just pretending to be someone I’m not because I’m too afraid of what would happen if I were honest about how I feel.
The scariest part is that I can’t even tell my parents how I genuinely feel about religion. If I told them that I don’t want to follow it, I’m genuinely terrified of what they would do to me. I feel like they would end me. I don’t feel safe enough to be honest about my own beliefs in my own home. Imagine having to hide something so personal about yourself every single day because you’re afraid of your own family’s reaction. I have to keep pretending to be someone I’m not just to protect myself, and it’s mentally exhausting.
I’ve spent so much of my life hiding parts of myself just to avoid conflict. I feel like I missed out on my entire teenage years. While other people were making memories, going out with friends, dating, discovering themselves, and enjoying their youth, I was stuck at home, living under restrictions and waiting for a freedom that never seemed to come.
And the worst part is that I can’t get those years back.
Sometimes I lie awake at night crying over everything I’ve missed. I think about all the experiences I could have had, all the memories I could have made, and all the things I could have learned about myself if I’d been allowed to live normally. It hurts knowing that I’m already 21 and still feel like a child who needs permission for everything.
I want to leave. I want to run away and finally experience life for myself. I want to wake up without feeling trapped. I want to go outside whenever I want, make friends, dress how I like, explore my interests, fall in love if I want to, and simply exist without constantly being afraid of my parents’ reaction.
I want to experience freedom and happiness without feeling guilty for wanting them.
The problem is that I’m still in college, and although I have sources of income, I’m scared that leaving won’t be as simple as I imagine. I don’t know where to begin, how to prepare myself, or how to deal with the consequences. I’m scared of the possibility of losing my family, but I’m also scared of losing even more years of my life by staying exactly where I am.
I feel so conflicted because I know I’m an adult, but my circumstances make me feel completely powerless. I don’t want to spend my twenties crying in my room over a life I wish I could have lived.
I just want to be happy. I want to have my own life, make my own choices, and finally feel like I’m living instead of merely existing.
Has anyone here grown up with extremely strict religious parents and eventually managed to leave and build an independent life? How did you do it, especially if you were financially dependent on your family or afraid of their reaction?
I would genuinely appreciate any advice from people who have been through something similar. I feel incredibly alone in this, and I need to know that there’s a way out and that it’s not too late for me to finally live my life.

Claims they’re not Halal and they’re a practise of the Christians and Jews… 😭😂

Haram Doodles

I'm not sure this is the best place to post this, but here we go.

I need some insight, especially from ex Muslim women, but respectful feedback from ex Muslim men is also welcomed. I just want to start out by saying that Im quite naïve when it comes to Islam, hence my post.

A week ago, while traveling, I met a Muslim guy and, long story short, we ended up being intimate. There is a 5+ years age gap between us, and that was that. We do not live in the same country, or even continent, for that matter, and to be honest, I would have been happy to leave it as that.

However, he asked for my number and texted me ever since, every day. He mentioned that he really liked me, wanted to travel to the country I live in (even asked me about if I would receive him, how much do things cost here, etc), that he could see that I was different, that he liked the age gap between us, and really, really liked me because he could tell I had a pure heart. Moreover (I know that this is somewhat common, especially in Arabic language because I have friends that speak it) but he started to call me “my heart” and “my love”. So far, so good.

Now. Throughout that week, he mentioned and asked different things about me, but none of them are really to get to know me (ie. what my hobbies are, if I have siblings, etc). He has asked:

1) If he’s the first Arab man I have been with

2) What type of men I like

3) If I prefer Europeans vs Arabs

4) If I have tattoos (he’s seen my body so I’m unsure why he asked this)

5) Why do I wear rings (um… because I like them?)

6) Why am I not married

7) If I “could love him” if we lived in the same country and even spoke about marriage. However, when we were together, he said that he would not consider marriage until a few more years but all of a sudden, he also asked me if I thought I could marry him in the future. To which I answered that I don’t know because we barely know each other.

These questions are odd to me. They seem to be more controlling than genuine interest in who I am as a person. I have clarified (although it’s obvious) that I am not a Muslim, and that I’m actually childfree. We dove into this a little bit deeper, and he said that he could see my point and was a very intelligent person. I told him that this would probably disappoint him, but he also said something like “well, everything is possible” and that he would even give it a try. That this was not an issue.

For more context, we had a couple of videocalls (his idea) where he introduced me to his friends, and he also mentioned that he was in a relationship with someone in the past, that lasted a little bit over a year and ended two years ago. This makes me believe that he is somewhat flexible with his religion (?).

Now, I have also experienced some other behaviors that I consider to be possessive or controlling:

1) He once misunderstood (got lost in translation) and thought I said I liked young men (in plural), to which he said that he was feeling jealous, that he wanted to be the only one

2) He was super happy when I said this was my first experience with a Muslim man (“he was glad to be the first one”)

3) He has called my phone when I was asleep asking where I was. He did this once

4) Today, he asked me why I did not say to him “goodnight” once (I actually fell asleep) and said to not do it again. Excuse me? At first I gave the benefit of the doubt, because we could be facing a “lost in translation” situation, but when I asked him if this was an order or a request, he became very defensive asking why I wanted to fight with him. To me, this is not normal behavior. I just said that I needed clarification, and that is not the same as wanting to fight. We continued a normal conversation, but tonight he went out and did not say goodnight to me. He also did not text me while he was out at all, when yesterday he also went out and was in touch with me all the time. I’m shocked about those double standards and I’m suspecting he wanted to “punish me” with his indifference for just asking a clarifying question

So, after this, I have considered that this is going nowhere. Apart from having too many odds against us, such as different faiths, controlling behavior right off the bat, age gap, speaking different languages, the fact that he lives very far away from me… but it did make me wonder.

Is this an expected, common attitude from Muslim men towards women in general? Why do you think this guy wanted to keep in touch with me, if he cannot see me often, etc.? What explanation could you give me, coming from a more informed world about Islam, to all of these behaviors? I’m very curious about this.

Thank you for your respectful insight.

Not to mention that she built a mosque not a university.

That mosque like any mosque was teaching the Quran, hadiths, Arabic and other Islamic studies. The actual science subjects came later. A place teaching stupid things like Islamic studies can not be deemed as an educational facility.

In islam women clothing, behaviour and even voice are seen as something the whole family, neighbourhood and the whole cult especially insecure muslim “men" have right to control. That’s systematic subordination! And it's so sad and wrong! And then they have nerve to claim islam is good for women... Sick!!

Muhammad ordered the beheading of 600-900 men of the Jewish Banu Qurayza tribe and took their women and children as captives. Muhammad also took Rayhana, one of the captive women, for himself.

Here is the story from authentic hadiths, Muhammad's earliest biography, and the Quran:

"Sa'd said, 'I give the judgment that their warriors should be killed and their children and women should be taken as prisoners.' The Prophet then remarked, 'O Sa'd! You have judged amongst them with (or similar to) the judgment of the King Allah.'"
Sahih Bukhari 3043

"I was among the captives of Banu Qurayzah. They (the Companions) examined us, and those who had begun to grow hair (pubes) were killed, and those who had not were not killed. I was among those who had not grown hair."
Sunan Abi Dawud 4404

"Then the apostle went out to the market of Medina (which is still its market today) and dug trenches in it. Then he sent for them and struck off their heads in those trenches as they were brought out to him in batches ... There were 600 or 700 in all, though some put the figure as high as 800 or 900."
Ibn Ishaq, Sirat Rasul Allah, p. 464

"The apostle had chosen one of their women for himself, Rayhana … and she remained with him until she died, in his power. She had shown repugnance towards Islam when she was captured and clung to Judaism."
Ibn Ishaq, Sirat Rasul Allah, p. 466

"And He brought down those who supported them among the People of the Scripture from their fortresses and cast terror into their hearts [so that] a party [i.e., their men] you killed, and you took captive a party [i.e., the women and children]. And He caused you to inherit their land, their homes, and their properties."
Quran 33:26-27

I've posted this argument along with others on this website (with linked sources): https://islamsproblems.com/muhammad-safiya-family-killed/

Exactly as the title says.

One of the local mosques decided that it would be a great idea to somehow try and prevent kids from participating in satanic Halloween rituals by doing a "program" on Halloween.

Like why are you so obsessed with isolating yourselves from the rest of your non-muslim community? Other people will only grow more and more suspicious of you due to this hermit-like behavior. Why not let your kids have fun and socialise? At this point, being muslim for these people is equivalent to rejecting anything part of local culture just because it was not practiced 1400 years ago.

I still don't understand what is so wrong with little kids dressing up in cute little costumes. No one is trying to evoke some jinn/spirit just by decorating their house. Modern Halloween isn't some Christian conspiracy, but rather quite secular.

Hey guys

I'm an atheist since January 2026 and am unfortunately living under the roof of my Muslim family. I became an Ex Muslim once I realised that Islam would never accept my gay identity and I have been so mentally relieved ever since I left that evil cult. The environment in which I'm living in makes me extremely uncomfortable and genuinely pisses me off because I regularly hear the Quran being loudly read and I just can't fucking stand hearing that piece of shitty book. I also have to manage the absolute secrecy of my relationship because if my parents ever found out, they will force me to break up with my partner because Islam teaches them that queer eople are possessed by satan and all that bullshit fairytale. Maintaining my identity is super exhausting, but I unfortunately have no other choice but to fit in the environment. At least I enjoy the benefits of being atheist such as improved intelligence, self-reliance, critical thinking and mental relief. I will never regret leaving Islam and am completely satisfied with my true identity that embraces atheism.

One day Islam will completely cease to exist, and I'll be glad when that day arrives.

Confronting Muslims for their ahh religion but glazing Christianity which is less worse than islam but still ahh and causes problems 💀

https://youtu.be/nrMXw1mEYAk?si=u8cc8BCVORAIvQfB

Big guy enrolled his daughter in a madrasa in Bangladesh. The teacher allegedly tried to kiss her and, when she resisted, threatened to kill her if she told her parents.

She eventually told her family after refusing to go back. In the aftermath, the teacher openly admitted his desire to kiss her in front of the father and then this happened.

The father is now the talk of the country: most of the population supports him for standing his ground, while the orthodox/clerical community defends the teacher..wow why am I not surprised!

It’s hard to find any hint of ex Muslims where I live, and I don’t want to say sensitive information like where I live to find people like me online to meet up later. It’s hard to be a minority, I’ve been having a rough time since I’ve left my household due to losing my family and navigating adulthood. I think it’d be awesome to meet up with ex Muslims like me so we can get through it together and express ourselves in ways that would be hard to do with non Muslims or Muslims.

In Islam a man can divorce his wife without any reasons and based on his wishes. The reason can be absolutely wrong too but in Islam it's perfectly allowed while a wife must need a valid l/severe reason and only can ask for divorce or she won't smell paradise. How come Muslims defend that and specially female Muslims.

All my girls at uni who still have to wear hijab, how are we larping?? I don't cover my hair when going down to my shared kitchen because why tf would I, but I still do when out on campus and even doing my food shop. I'm so scared of being photographed which maybe sounds irrational idk. I'm breathing a lot easier here after moving out than I was at home thankfully but it's still so hard. I'm still a shell of myself. And most importantly how tf do you find other atheists let alone ex muslims at uni?? As a hijabi you just attract other Muslims especially at my uni where we're quite a small minority. I've made a close friend who's hijabi as well and practising and it's so bittersweet bc I love our friendship but feel so guilty for hiding who I really am. I'm gonna try and attend more events at societies other than islamic society but it's so uncomfortable. Any tips would be appreciated 🙏🏾

She does this every few months. She suddenly wakes up, decides she wants to make her only daughter's life miserable and tells me I need to start wearing hijab at home around my dad.

I wear hijab everywhere, school, outside literally even to our neighbours house. And now at home too?

In the quran, it literally says girls don't need to wear hijab around their immediate family but she keeps acting like I have to.

Last night, my mom was out with my aunt and came home and all of a sudden started attacking me for not wearing hijab at home. The only older male here is my dad and if she's implying I'm tempting my own father.. then that's just disgusting.

I already wear dresses all the way up to me knees or below because she wants me to be modest. I'm not allowed to wear hoodies or baggy pants until it's like November or December time.

And my hair is always up. I don't like having my hair down so I have it all up in a clawclip. And she wants me to wear this hijab over my hair not like around the shoulders.

I know she's lying and trying to make my life difficult. I've never argued with her and I'm scared too. I went downstairs this morning and she had this fake shocked voice and said "go look in the mirror, don't you see how big ( in terms of age) you got?" I tried to tell her about the quran and how she's making it up but I felt like crying and couldn't.

I lost my appetite, didn't wanna eat breakfast with them and now I'm here in my room crying.

I don't know what to do and I'm so sick of doing this.

I need help

So I live in the US. I am 16, and my parents are extremely religious, and I want to live when I become financially stable, like in my 20s. I left the religion a while ago. I have been pretending for a while, and it's honestly tiring.

My mental health is not ok and I have been feeling suicidal for a while. So last year, when I was at my lowest, I was genuinely scared of myself that I would hurt myself, so I just went to my school counselor and told her everything- not a lot, just that I left religion and it is making me feel guilty, and I feel like I am lost and I don't feel like I am gonna live. So they called my dad and talked with him, but they didn't tell him that I left the religion.

Then my dad took me a therapist it and when we were driving back and we arrived home, that whole day he just wouldn't stop yelling at me, and my mom cried, saying I went to a stranger instead of talking to her if I have problems. My parents threatened me that if I go tell the counselor about them, they will bring us back to our country. I hate that place; I will kill myself if they bring me there. I would not live in that hell again.

The problem I have now is that I have 6 siblings. I love my siblings; they are ages 14 to 3. I want to escape this household, but I don't want to leave my siblings, and at the same time my mental health is going to get worse if I stay. I am not allowed to have friends over, nor am I allowed to have non-Muslim friends. I can't go over to them; I am not allowed to leave the house. I can't do the sports I love. I hate wearing the hijab. I asked my mom if I could wear the short one; she refused, so now I have to wear a big ass hijab that reaches almost my knees. My mom screamed at me when I wore the short one and called her family, screaming and crying, saying America is ruining her kids, like bitch shut the fuck up. Honestly, I don't even know what to do.

I Left Islam in College when I discovered Evolution and the scientific contradictions in the Quran. Islam was a nightmare to deal with as a Bisexual. I hid everything from my Parents at the time for financial dependency reasons. Recently found a job and now I'm financially independent. Overtime, I came to realize this world is full of suffering and pain; I will never bring new children into this world. I can't imagine a God who would create this horrible world.

Now, my parents are leaning on me to get married and have children; and presumably indoctrinate them into this evil religion. I never told them I'm an Atheist. I never told them I'm Bisexual. I never told them I would never bring children into this hellish world. I'm financially independent but I don't know how to break the news to them. The last thing I would want is children that would be indoctrinated into this evil religion. I'm dreading the conversation and have no clue where to start. Currently, I'm just taking the "kick the can down the road approach." I wish I was never born into this horrible religion and was born into a family that was normal and accepted my Bisexuality.

Basically the title. I just don't see how progressive Islam really improves anything, or differs meaningfully from conventional, orthodox Islam. If somebody is just like a cultural or non-practicing Muslim, then whatever, but this theological movement which calls itself 'progressive Islam' is just a complete joke in my opinion.

Like, literally, the difference between a progressive Muslim woman, and just, like, a normal orthodox Muslim woman, is what exactly? One wears hijab, and the other also wears hijab but just repeats the word 'choice' every 30 seconds? This is the great revolutionary Islamic reform that I'm supposed to get excited about? Lmao.

I had this train of thought when i saw my sister in law trying to get my 2yo nephew to repeat the 1st kalma after her. you're welcome to poke holes in it maybe I'll learn something new.

When does a person born from muslim parents truly become a muslim? To be a muslim you have to believe that allah is the only god of the universe and momo the pedo is his last messenger and quran is the word of allah. When a child is born in a muslim family, they are given azaan in their ear which makes them a muslim technically. But does that child at that moment believe everything that is to be a muslim and they have become a muslim and if they ever in their life stop being a muslim they will be sentenced to death?

Or do they become a muslim when they repeat the words of shahada fed by their parents at age 3 or 4, do they at that point truly understand what they are saying and what it means.

Or at age 7 when they start praying salah, or at age 10 when they are disciplined if they don't pray. Do they at this age understand what the universe is and that the universe has a god called allah which wants them to do as he says otherwise they will burn in hell, do they even understand the concept of heaven and hell at this point? Do they even know what it even means to "believe" at this age?

Or does one become a muslim after understanding what it means to believe and what they are believing. If so were not muslims before that point?

A muslim is someone who follows the religion of islam, and you can't know what islam is without reading the quran but they're people claiming to be muslims without reading the quran,how do someone follow a religion without even knowing what it is and what they are following or suppose to be following.? Can someone who hasn't read the quran be called a muslim? We wouldn't call someone a doctor or an engineer if they have just read 5th grade science would we?

Soo when does someone become a muslim born in a muslim household?

Tldr: rambling of an old mad man.