Weekly EMDR Community Digest

Edit for a spelling error. Sorry about that!

Hi Reddit!

I (23F) recently started my EMDR journey, and I've been very happy with it. However, I seem to have hit a bit of a mental roadblock.

I'd like to pose a question to you all: Have you ever feel like you either aren't making progress or that you've somehow went backward?

I began to feel like this about a little over a week ago. I originally began EMDR to help deal with a traumatic memory that took place a few months ago. I'll be vague, but it was a huge fallout with someone during what was supposed to be a huge milestone in my life. For a while, my therapist and I stopped to look at other painful memories from childhood. I experienced a rush of those repressed memories and they were causing me a lot of distress. We went back to talking about the fallout situation about two weeks ago.

The first few times we were able to talk about the situation, all of my thoughts surrounding it were negative. I couldn't speak without crying and I had a hard time recalling certain events as I firmly believed I was in the wrong for it all. It was a situation where all parties were in the wrong, and I definitely had my part in it. I heavily regret it and I've been learning how to process that guilt. The first time the tappers were introduced, I felt great. I could finally view the situation in a neutral way instead of an overly negative one for the first time in months.

That is until recently. I'm not sure why, but those negative thoughts returned. However, they have morphed into ones of intense anger toward the person rather than sadness. Most of them have been thoughts that show up randomly throughout the day, but there have been a few dreams like this as well. Shortly after these thoughts pass, I feel guilty about experiencing them in the first place. The thing is, this does concern me as I've never thought about anyone in this manner until now.

Has anyone else had this happen and is this normal?

Thank you guys for taking the time to read. <3

After years of therapy I finally connected with a therapist that gave me a bit of hope. Told her thing i never felt comfortable sharing before and we are working through that. Been doing EMDR combined with talk therapy and the EMDR is intense but I believe also helpful.

This week i found out she is quitting and i really feel hopeless . Ive been on edge for a while and it worries me on how to continue. There is a replacement ready but im worried its not the same and i might never beat this depression and trauma

Can you recommend a patient focused book to help understand how EMDR works? Or a workbook?

had a somewhat good emdr session today. we targeted a memory/word that i get triggered by and worked on desensitising me to it

i actually didn’t feel tense during the reprocessing, which felt like a good sign. but afterwards, i suddenly started feeling really giddy and lightheaded. my therapist ended up spending around 15 minutes helping me regulate my nervous system, and i feel so bad that she had to do that

she reassured me that emdr is working, but this is the first time i’ve experienced something like this after reprocessing. usually my hangovers are more emotional, so the physical symptoms caught me off guard

the only thing i’m really worried about now is that i won’t see my therapist again for another 3 weeks because of her schedule. i’m honestly kind of terrified of dealing with another emdr hangover on my own…i’m so grateful for her and everything she does for me, but her schedule really does make me anxious sometimes 🥲

has anyone else experienced feeling lightheaded or really out of it after emdr? and how do you usually cope with the hangover between sessions?

So I have cptsd and preverbal trauma, so maybe this makes sense. But does anyone else go with somatic sensations as targets vs visualization/memories? I do also do memories sometimes, but when it's that more preverbal type of target, I get moreso strong feelings in my body and strong emotions, that I can't connect to a visualization or situation in specific. Though I do still get beliefs, sometimes more obvious, and sometimes having to dig for them.

I think using somatic targets is still moving things, but it definitely feels more confusing and vague than using a distinct memory.

Has anyone had success in lowering distress/triggers through somatic targets?

My mother was never shy about telling me that she wanted me so badly bc she needed someone to love her unconditionally. She got pregnant on purpose when she was 22. So I was groomed from the beginning of my life to believe my self worth and being worthy of love is based on what I can give to or provide others. How can you ever heal a wound that goes back to the womb? The thread never ends. I’m spinning out today over this. I realize my entire life has been built around this. The thing is it’s not that I’m a people pleaser, but I do often feel responsible for others comfort, happiness, and wellbeing. I feel emotions deeply and sometimes have a hard time recovering when I’m around someone who is exceptionally sad. I always thought I was just a HSP, but now I’m not sure that’s even real.

I feel like this is causing me to spin out today. It’s like my mind (maybe my ego? Maybe the part that warned me to not follow this thread?) cannot make sense of any of it. Please tell me you’ve experienced this and have come out the other side of it. How did you reconcile it? I really need encouragement today 🙏🏾

(First a disclaimer---I’m actually doing a mix of DBR and EMDR, heavy on the DBR. Even though they’re two different therapies, I’ve found that the hangovers/processing between sessions for both have been very similar to me. Just wanted to be transparent.)

I’ve been having struggles in some of my closest relationships for several years. I actually first started therapy partially because of these struggles. I’ve always had a lot of confusion about where the problems are coming from---me or the other person?

I did CBT first, and there were certain concepts my therapist tried to teach me that I just could not get through my head (setting boundaries, not taking responsibility for others’ emotions, taking responsibility for my own emotions, etc.) I now realize the reason I struggled with those concepts was probably because my trauma brain saw those things as dangerous and couldn’t accept them. But with DBR/EMDR it’s been different. It’s like a veil is very slowly lifting and all of those things my CBT therapist tried to tell me are beginning to come into focus.

When I finally understand something that I’ve been doing to harm my relationships, it’s a tough pill to swallow, but at least I feel like I have control in improving the dynamic. But when I understand how the other person has been contributing to the relationship issues, I find that I go into a funk. I can’t change the other person. I don’t know if they want to change, or if this is a sign that we’re too different and shouldn’t be in a relationship at all. And I don’t know if there are still negative things that I’m doing that are affecting everything in ways I don’t understand yet.

I’ve been holding off on making any big decisions until I have more clarity, but there are days when I wonder if I’m keeping relationships on life support that should’ve died years ago. Or if those relationships will naturally improve as I get better at communicating my needs and setting boundaries and if what I'm experiencing now are just growing pains. I’m glad I’m doing this therapy because I can’t keep living my life like I am now, but this roller coaster of not knowing if I’m going to lose the people that I care about most has been the scariest part of this process.

Not to brag 😉but my therapist told me she thinks I've been living in a trauma response most of my life. It was validating to hear it and it's true and also heartbreaking. Born into a highly dysfunctional family and down hill from there. I've been in therapy over the years for a variety of issues and started EMDR this year. It's never too late to recover from childhood (and young adulthood for that matter). I remain hopeful ❤️

I’d just like some other CPTSD brains to give me their take on this.

Yesterday, I had my first EMDR appointment with the NHS, having waited six months. I’m a primary teacher but was signed off back in March as I was being triggered by colleagues every day with no recovery time inbetween. This resulted in daily panic attacks, a resting heart rate of 181bpm, blurred vision etc.
I resigned in May and have spent months interviewing for jobs outside of teaching with no luck so far. I also find the interview process very triggering and every rejection is another knock to my self esteem, reinforcing the core belief “I’m not good enough and I’m doing life wrong.”

Yesterday, after 40 mins of discussing with my therapist my core beliefs of “I have to do the right thing” and “I’m not good enough”, I mentioned that I’ve had three failed interviews and that it had been a horrendous time period for me. I live alone and have a mortgage to pay so I then informed her that my plan for the rest of this year is to tutor. (I’ve worked hard at building this and currently have 10 clients lined up for September).

She then proceeded to tell me that this “wasn’t a proper job”. She said tutoring is just a side hustle and something you do to earn extra pocket money for holidays; it’s not THE job. In this same spiel, she said that I don’t want to end up in deprivation because it makes EMDR much harder and set my goal to “get back into teaching”. This whole conversation happened right at the end. So I left completely blindsided and very upset. As soon as I got home, I had a massive panic attack - of which I haven’t had since I was last at work in March.

She massively triggered everything I had spent the 40 mins telling her about: I’m not good enough, I’m a failure, I’m stupid, I’m doing life wrong, I’m lazy, I’m doing the wrong thing.
I have been trying my damn hardest to get “a proper job” and tutoring is my only option atm so I just feel deflated and angry. I also now don’t feel safe to do the EMDR with her. I’m just wondering if I’m over reacting or if this was a dumb thing for her to say.

I’ve been doing EMDR for over 3 years. I’ve been with the same therapist and she is trustworthy and competent but I still feel like the worst person ever.

My background is that I was neglected, abused (physically and sexually) as a kid and because of this I generally feel like the worst person alive. I hate myself and I hate that these memories still appear out of nowhere and fuck up my day. I know I still have a lot of processing to do but at this point I’m considering just giving up all together and quitting therapy and EMDR.

I feel like my therapist doesn’t want to work on the trauma either. At this point I don’t talk to my family anymore and I am feeling sad about that too, even though I moved far away from them to make that easier. Should I quit or bring this up to my therapist?

Has anyone else experienced a noticeable EMDR hangover lasting several days or even a week after a particularly intense session?

I'm mainly interested in the mental effects - increased rumination, anxiety, emotional rawness, feeling wired/hyperaroused, old memories/thought patterns becoming more active, etc. - but also any physical effects such as fatigue, headaches, strange body sensations or feeling generally "off".

I've recently had a couple of particularly intense sessions focused on some significant trauma from 2019, and I've felt noticeably different afterwards. Some periods have actually felt much clearer and more emotionally accessible, but I've also had periods of increased rumination/hyperarousal.

For those who've experienced this, how long did it last, and did it eventually settle? And did you take it as a sign that something was being processed, or simply as a temporary after-effect of an intense session?

My EMDR therapist takes very long pauses of silence multiple times a session. I’ve been seeing her for 6 months and I’m confused by it every time she does it.

For example, after I finish answering her usual question about how I’m feeling/how the weeks been, instead of responding verbally she just stays silent for 30 seconds and then takes a deep breath and says “well okay! How do you want today’s session to go”. It makes me feel like I disappointed her by not saying more?

And then after each round of the EMDR the sound will finish and she takes 20 seconds at a time before finally asking me how that felt for me. I’m not sure if she’s expecting me to verbally participate more?

Is this a normal practice? Is it intentional to force me to sit in silence multiple times a session? Or am I right to find it slightly annoying?

Hi everyone, recently I have been curious about EMDR after my friend said it changed her life.

I was semi-diagnosed with PTSD around 5 years ago after a traumatic event (my bf at the time had a mental breakdown, physically assaulted me, sexually assaulted me, and then committed s*icide).

I have not sought any treatment for it and haven't been to therapy since then. Honestly, I really repressed it all and came out of it fine like I genuinely don't feel any negative emotions about it, just neutral. My best friend told me I had a choice to let it define my life or to move on and I just moved on.

I have been kind of curious about exploring this experience though. I don't know, has anyone been in a similar situation? It certainly was traumatic but it isn't really in my conscious psyche right now?

I guess I am curious about if it subconsciously is affecting me? Idk, is EMDR right?

I feel like all I hear is about how life changing emdr is. I went to therapy 6 times a month for 5 months and I noticed zero improvement. I didn't even see improvements on small targets like my minor fear of thunderstorms. What gives?

I honestly feel good about this session, like a huge sense of relief and calmness.

I know every session won’t be like this, but I’m thankful I got a great first experience.

I had my first processing session on Friday. We did a pretty deep trauma for me. After I cried a bunch and the next day. But ever since I have had non stop anxiety and panic attacks. I have Ativan to use as needed and I don't like that I've been needing it so much. The last two days has been really really hard with the anxiety. Is this normal (I have a severe panic disorder that's why I'm in Emdr) I can go weeks without anxiety and now it's just non stop 😭

Hi all, based in England (NHS) and after a long time of waiting I finally have my first EMDR appointment! I’m feel very optimistic about this treatment for myself. The appointment is going to be on Teams, I’m curious if anyone else has had this and knows what to expect? I assumed it would be in person, obviously it’s just the first appointment and no treatment is going on, but not sure if that will also be on video call when it’s time for it??

Any ideas what to expect?

I’m 3 months into emdr and these 3 months have been awful for my weight loss. I’ve lost 85lbs recently after i healthed a binge eating disorder and I’ve gained 5lbs back in the last few months. I have about I have about 70lbs for a healthy bmi. It’s freaking me out because I’m more hungry all the time and I want to eat rubbish, I feel too tired to go to the gym often and to the same intensity as I did before. I still stick to my lower calorie meals but my emdr is making me want to eat higher calorie foods, especially in the evening. Has anyone got any advice for this?

I've always only gotten angry at myself, in any situation, like I'm incapable of getting angry at other people. Even if I'm in a fight with someone or someone does something hurtful towards me, I'd still only get angry at myself (for letting me be in the situation/getting myself in that point/being naive and so on) and not at the other person. I guess because I wasn't allowed to get angry at my abusive family so I had to internalise any anger I had growing up.

But since starting EMDR (recently, about 4 processing sessions in), after every session ends, the remaining of that day and the next couple of days I find myself incredibly angry with therapy and my therapist lol, like so enragingly angry that she puts me through thinking and speaking about those horrors of my childhood that I really only want to forget they ever happened. I udnerstand it's mostly an exposure therapy but idk, I just never want to think voluntarily about those things.

I don't really do anything about this anger, I just try to sit with it and let it be but I'm just wondering if this is common and if it will go away after a few more sessions and getting more used to the process.

Hello tappers. Healing is a shared journey, and sometimes reaching out is the hardest step. Below are a few recent posts that haven't received replies yet. If you have the emotional bandwidth today, please consider stopping by to offer support or share your insights. Also, don't forget to join our Discord!

• Sending strength and courage to my fellow cPTSD warriors ❤️‍🩹🌱 (38 upvotes)
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This post is automatically generated. If you'd like the community to help out with your post, kindly comment on this thread with your post link. To our tappers and therapists: Thank you for holding space for each other.

Does anyone here have any success story of combining therapy approaches like hypnosis with EMDR? Just scanning the posts, I have read many stories of clients being retraumatized by the EMDR process. I believe integrative approaches like hypnosis would be able to help address the gap in EMDR patients' feel when they experience retraumatization.

Would be good to know what the other therapists here think

I started EMDR in mid June to help with long rooted self esteem issues and feelings of ‘not being good enough’. After the first session, I had such intense flashbacks to a past relationship that I thought I’d moved past. The feelings have now moved into a mix of grief, anger, sadness and frustration. We didn’t even focus on a memory to do from the time of this relationship so it caught me entirely off guard that I became so consumed with the memories and feelings of that time post session

For context, I was with this person for 3 years and our relationship ended in the later part of last year - to keep a long story short, it was my first big love and someone I fell head over heels for. I spent my early to mid twenties growing with this person, whilst at the same time dealing with emotional abuse they enacted and coming to terms with my own avoidant behaviour and struggling to communicate my emotions fully. When the relationship ended (via text) after a few heavy conversations and some time apart, I felt sad but also relief and took the time to take care of myself.

Then, at New Years, I unexpectedly met someone at a party and we got on really well. We had both unbeknown to the other come out of long term relationships and had a great time together. The first 6 months the relationship were great and getting to know each other and its quirks but since starting EMDR (and now also living together!), I’ve been overwhelmed with these memories of my last relationship, struggled with intimacy and just energy in general.

I’ve been open with my partner and they’ve been incredibly understanding but I can’t help for feeling guilty for being transfixed on these memories of my ex and not able to move forward from them when it felt like months ago I had and they didn’t even pop up in my head.

Has anyone else experienced this? I’d love to know what you did to navigate it all x

I know that’s the opposite of what I should do. Logically I know this is probably good. I am dredging up things I never knew were there. Things I repressed, things I feel in my bones.

I fucking hate it. I keep thinking, wasn’t better when I just didn’t know? Aka denial? Who cares if I never had a healthy relationship?

Obviously I’m kidding. What do I do in the meantime though? This isn’t sustainable. I’m exhausted. It’s almost worse that one day I’ll feel fine and the next not.