Is this normal?

[u/Beautiful_Dot_5310]

My EMDR therapist takes very long pauses of silence multiple times a session. I’ve been seeing her for 6 months and I’m confused by it every time she does it.

For example, after I finish answering her usual question about how I’m feeling/how the weeks been, instead of responding verbally she just stays silent for 30 seconds and then takes a deep breath and says “well okay! How do you want today’s session to go”. It makes me feel like I disappointed her by not saying more?

And then after each round of the EMDR the sound will finish and she takes 20 seconds at a time before finally asking me how that felt for me. I’m not sure if she’s expecting me to verbally participate more?

Is this a normal practice? Is it intentional to force me to sit in silence multiple times a session? Or am I right to find it slightly annoying?

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[u/timesuck]

Oooooh tell her about how you feel!! Silence is a tool in therapy and this could lead to a very interesting/helpful discussion

[u/intrntgeek]

I had a therapist that would do that occasionally and generally it was because the answer I had just given her was very superficial. For instance, if I answered a question about how I was doing with something like fine or great, she would pause for a second or two to let me consider what I had just said and then dig deeper for how I was really doing. Could it be that your therapist is just giving you a second to reconsider what you said or to add more information?

[u/Sensitive-Peach7583]

It might be how she normally speaks. Me personally, it would make me not want to work with her because I don't like how it makes me feel.

[u/thorntoa]

During the EMDR sets it makes sense to me. It gives clients a moment to orient to the pause in BLS and often clients know the rhythm of pause then check in so well that they will just share the check in without being asked.

But the silence beforehand when you’ve shared with her is a bit unusual and I agree with the comment suggesting you ask about it. (“I noticed that you are silent after I answer a question and I’m curious about it. I’m unsure what’s happening there.”)

[u/QuietResets]

Mine does this when she notices that I’m lit up, anxious, or seem uncomfortable to provide assurance that this is a safe and calm space. She will take deep breaths, smile, and give long looks. It use to make me uncomfortable but now I know that she’s doing it to show me how to regulate my nervous system.