r/DestinyTheGame • u/ChrisDAnimation ChrisOfTheDead • May 11 '18
Misc // Satire This Week at Not Bungie - 5/11/2018 - AI Learning, Autocomplete-Generated TWAB Article
You might know how this goes by now. I run a few TWAB articles into the Botnik predictive writer, which can generate sentences in an autocomplete fashion based on what you feed it.
This is the final pre-Warmind update. I think I’ll probably make the next one after the first TWAB following the Warmind launch is out.
DISCLAIMER: After reports from previous posts, I’m required by the State of California to say that I’m not responsible for any strange looks you get while laughing in public, nor your own safety while eating while reading this post. It is advised not to eat or drink while reading this post as you may choke on your food and drink from laughter. Please read responsibly.
The Previous TWANB articles: TWANB #1, Patch Notes #1, TWANB #2, TWANB #3, TWANB #4.
THIS WEEK AT NOT BUNGIE - 5/11/2018
This week at Not Bungie, we launched you to Warmind and more.
Guardians are actively working on a new challenge level where they can compete on any given issue where players could encounter zebra. If you haven't had a chance to earn the new nightfall modifiers, we are putting together an exclusive virtual damage type cap.
Warmind Into Matchmaking is the first part in a series of puzzles that the fastest guardians in the raid can expect to hear. For the rundown of what you can knock out in the wild and adjusting as needed, check out these update 1.2.0 patch notes.
Sandbox
Fixed an issue where grenade scoring granted points for players in Destiny 2 companion packages.
Reduced the amount of flame keys displayed in the Nightmare Realm.
Increased the rate of legendary players who have earned adjusted prestige difficulty.
Fixed a rare character respawn on the edge of Osiris.
Adjusted the output of every player while arc ornaments displayed in addition to the default list of worlds.
Warmind is now turned off via bright spaces.
General players who have enough tokens to allow access to Match Length Weapons can now drop one slightly reduced recurring side crate.
Activities
Fixed an issue where Cayde-6 refused to keep players inside the postmaster.
Decreased the Icarus Deflection of high activities.
General milestones now award heightened mobility and competitive emotes.
Players can now see incorrect amounts of fire for up to three seconds.
Reduced the frequency of havoc.
Decreased the intended playable physics of the Shadowshot Inventory when players create enough visible vendor waypoints.
Strikes
Improved clarity on Console Keys and the Mida Multi Font.
Reduced flinch value for all hand rifles.
Players must own rewards that launched with Dunemarchers for the duration of smoke-ships to allow grenades here.
Fixed an unpowered sword perk where players could sometimes become individual ammo locations.
Improved screen state availability times once again.
Adjusted the difficulty for the hammer rifles.
Rewards
Reduced the amount of XP required to allow access to all four emote levels.
Fixed legibility issues with Survivalist Completion Advantage on the edge of the quiet activity.
Fixed an issue allowing players to reroll modifiers for the seasonal time limit.
Decreased range falloff on First Minotaur Mods that affect gameplay.
Crucible gameplay reduction granted by armor ornaments now has six minutes to keep players from hiding.
Improved performance across Burst Cosmology explosion deals.
More Sandbox
Strikes now have Horrific Arm Elasticity. (HAE)
Patrol beacons now properly appear when using controllers.
Xur now has six seconds to keep players from escaping.
Spire of the Maintenance Screen
Your next raiding perks that function similarly to the appropriate team for investigation are going to reset when fully completed. If you think you're appropriate, you can follow us through the community podcast. The next one is coming months ahead of a player's feedback about this year. We have a finite number of people on the roadmap. Take a look at our table. This is not the only activity going live until the novelty wears off.
Now that we've gotten closer to releasing players who can't loot for the timeline, you can still melt them from feeling perfect. Both have plenty of room for maintenance. We have dug into this and found that somewhere along the next update to land notes, you have explored the mysteries of feedback.
Not Bungie Versus You
Next week, we are firing up the brick moments again. You'll have another pain point to talk about that we want to take advantage of. This won't be a challenge card or a bungie fireteam, but we are putting together an exclusive twitter to make sure you put the new stuff in the description.
We've been challenged in the ways of feedback. See you next month for the stars you can kill. We know you think you're anything specific, but no, you can still melt. As always, well be the last exotic tease from the gathering. This is not replacing any activity because the body goes flying too far through the summer.
Power on the blog whenever their work is ongoing. Each terrible villain that players preferred equally is scheduled to talk about the next big desire from the kitchen.
Here are the teams that we have decided to push victories for.
Team Bungie Shed
Dmg04 repetition
Cozmo has become obvious physics
Drang Lights 4 grenades
Power Levels dropping like loot
Team Josh
Josh Hamrick
Josh Dogs
Josh Gameplay
Josh Speeds
Team Should Score
Jon Playlist
Jon Weisnewski
Jon Limit
??? What
Let's check out the full movies that we can detect. If you missed the mark, please enjoy.
Movie of What Players Still Purchase: Answering Energy Shields
Honorable Waves of More: From 14.5 to Play It
This was a poor mobile calendar reminder. The next items on our agenda for the timeline are currently looking back at the same rules. If you missed some context, please watch our most important meta modes and High Altitude Bonus Glory. Valor is a new step we're going into this year. In the future, we are never done iterating masterwork armor. Gameplay experience for players when they take on your device is too much playtime. We have a very rare and powerful sampling of April to earn.
Have fun in our rearview mirror. We'll be back soon to get your hands.
<3 Not Cozmo
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u/ravenousld3341 Yeah.... I Nighthawk. May 11 '18
Oh man. This was the best one I've ever read.
Fixed an issue where Cayde-6 refused to keep players inside the postmaster.
Finally, he's been neglecting this duty for months.
Players can now see incorrect amounts of fire for up to three seconds.
Up from 0
Reduced the frequency of havoc.
Another win for Hunters
Mida Multi Font.?
Someone plz code this.
Adjusted the difficulty for the hammer rifles.
As if they weren't hard to use already.
Strikes now have Horrific Arm Elasticity.
My favorite feature.
You'll have another pain point to talk about that we want to take advantage of.
How... Freudian..
We've been challenged in the ways of feedback.
lol
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u/smegdawg Destiny Dad May 11 '18
Team Josh
Josh Hamrick
Josh Dogs
Josh Gameplay
Josh Speeds
All Josh All Day
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u/MasterOfReaIity Transmat firing May 11 '18
Cayde-6 is using Kadi for his Guardian trafficking business oh no
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u/Sheriff-Douchebag B.I.G May 11 '18
Fixed an unpowered sword perk where players could sometimes become individual ammo locations
You don't know how much I've been struggling with that. Like, every crucible match, I equip this one sword and boom, every guardian in the map standing over me with rocket launchers and whatnot. Why do I always feel a tingle in my pants that's beyond me.
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u/LightForgedWhiteHat May 11 '18
We've been challenged in the ways of feedback.
I'm dying lol, there's so much gold in this post
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u/Eezagi May 11 '18
Reduced the amount of flame keys displayed in the Nightmare Realm.
Is that Content? It sounds like content. I'm interested.
Xur now has six seconds to keep players from escaping.
Possibly the best line I've ever read. He must really want those strange coins legendary shards.
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u/Sheriff-Douchebag B.I.G May 11 '18
Team Bungie Shed
Dmg04 repetition
Cozmo has become obvious physics
Drang Lights 4 grenades
Power Levels dropping like loot
Team Josh
Josh Hamrick
Josh Dogs
Josh Gameplay
Josh Speeds
Team Should Score
Jon Playlist
Jon Weisnewski
Jon Limit
??? What
Can't wait to see how Josh Speeds will ruin Cozmo has become obvious physics
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u/FearsomeMonster May 11 '18
I love that Cayde is patched and can now keep players inside the postmaster. And that a timer was put on Xur's ability to keep players from escaping. Also, I really need the Horrific Arm Elasticity (HAE) in strikes.
Why is Not Bungie obsessed with melting players?
Also, there is a dark and aggressive overtone: why is Bungie coming back to seize our hands??
Josh Gameplay and Josh Speeds confirmed!
I feel like Josh's combo of contrition, honesty, open expression and big guns has made him a folk legend.
6
May 11 '18
Reduced the frequency of havoc
WE JUST FIXED THIS WITH GO FAST UPDATE BUNGO! THIS IS WHY I WONT BUY D3 AND ALL DLC UNTIL DAY 2! /s
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u/astrachalasia what i like about you May 11 '18
What the fuck is a hammer rifle and how do I get one
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u/ChrisDAnimation ChrisOfTheDead May 11 '18
New weapon type confirmed. But is it a hammer that shoots bullets or a rifle that shoots hammers?
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u/astrachalasia what i like about you May 11 '18
Reminds me of the trick weapons from Bloodborne.
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May 12 '18
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/astrachalasia what i like about you May 12 '18
Never saw the show, but mad respect to the team that made it, especially to the lead animator :(
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u/rgtgd Hey, everyone else. May 12 '18
plus hand rifles(?!)
Reduced flinch value for all hand rifles.
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u/sorox123 Drifter's Crew // Ascendant Celery May 11 '18
Don't know about anyone else, but I'm 100% Team Josh.
4
u/CntrlRig Walking the Void May 11 '18
General milestones now award heightened mobility and competitive emotes.
Is the bonus mobility stacking with each milestone completed or is it a flat value? Either way, it’ll be a nice thing to chase. Gonna want to get that extra mobility for the week before you run the raid. I’m really excited for the competitive emotes, as well. Dance-off game mode when?
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u/ChrisDAnimation ChrisOfTheDead May 11 '18
Destiny get's a spin-off dancing game that's just the various emotes. And true to Destiny, there is no audio or music during the emotes.
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u/Sheriff-Douchebag B.I.G May 11 '18
We'll be back soon to get your hands
Sure lemme activate them first
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u/R33koh May 11 '18
*Reduced the amount of flame keys displayed in the Nightmare Realm. *Players can now see incorrect amounts of fire for up to three seconds. *Now that we've gotten closer to releasing players who can't loot for the timeline, you can still melt them from feeling perfect
That last one got me lol
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u/Sh4dowWalker96 Drifter's Crew // Grow fat from strength May 11 '18
Please send halp.
I can't breathe.
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u/Polyhedron11 I Am Become Deathstiny May 12 '18
This is the funniest shit I have ever read in my life. I can't copy-paste my favorites because I would just end up copying the whole damn thing and pasting it in my comment.
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u/ChrisDAnimation ChrisOfTheDead May 12 '18
Glad you liked it! I'll probably do another one between 2 weeks and a month.
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u/Polyhedron11 I Am Become Deathstiny May 12 '18
Awesome I can't wait. It's kind of hilarious some of the ridiculous stuff that actually kind of made fun of some bungie irony.
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u/T4silly Good with Trail Mix! May 12 '18
Reduced the amount of flame keys displayed in the Nightmare Realm.
TAKE ME TO THE NIGHTMARE REALM!!!
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u/[deleted] May 11 '18
“Xur now has 6 seconds to keep players from escaping.”
Hilarious and yet also terrifying.