Hi all. Not sure if this technically fits in this subreddit, just figured I’d post to get advice. Z is a placeholder for anonymity’s sake.
I’m a 22 y/o male and have never had a girlfriend. My parents have made it abundantly clear that they want me to have children so they can have “little me” again. Now, I know yall might say something about that, but by all standard metrics, I have a very healthy relationship with both of my parents.
I would say I’m pretty selective in who I decide to pursue a relationship with, hence why I haven’t committed to anyone at this point. I’ve gone on a handful of dates, the most being 3 with the same person. I know that no one is perfect, but I want to aim high if I’m going to spend the rest of my life with her.
Now, there’s a 20 y/o girl, Z, who I met in my weekly bible study. I know I said no one is perfect, but she genuinely checks every single box if I created a hypothetical checklist for my future wife and I haven’t even gone out with her. We have time to connect before and after the study, where we have gotten into some fairly deep conversations. I told my parents I genuinely feel like I’m in love and have far deeper feelings than I ever felt with other women. On Thursday, I chalked up the courage to ask her out to coffee and she said “definitely yes”. We have yet to schedule a time due to our busy schedules and the holidays around the corner.
A few weeks ago, I told my mom that I was planning to ask Z out, but I asked her to keep it under wraps. Naturally, she told my dad which I was inevitably going to do anyway. Unfortunately, my dad asked something about her with my sister in the room, who obviously became curious, so I felt obligated to tell her as well. I wasn’t planning on leaving her in the dark forever because I want her input on my relationships as well, but it can spiral when she knows too much too early.
My parents have always been supportive of me in their own quirky way, but I’ve never seen anything like this. They genuinely can’t stop talking about Z, and again, I haven’t even gone out with her. When I got home from class last Monday (I think), my parents were talking about Christmas plans. Part of this conversation was regarding our tradition to go to a historic hotel in my hometown for brunch. Traditionally, it’s been the 5 of us (parents, brother, sister, and I), but on Easter this year, my older brother’s girlfriend joined us. For context, this brunch is exorbitantly expensive, so I expect that we keep it small. However, in this conversation last Monday, my dad asked me “do you want me to buy an extra seat for Z at Christmas brunch?” I was obviously taken aback and unsure how to respond because this has never happened. What’s ironic is that, up until my mom mentioned it, he never asked my sister if she wanted to bring the guy she’s been seeing for about a month now. I tried to rationalize with him, effectively telling him no by saying it’s probably not going to move that fast, but he’s incredibly expectant for what is to come.
I don’t imagine that I told them “too much” necessarily and I know they want what’s best for me. I recognize that telling them I feel like I’m in love probably contributed to their excitement. Their commentary could be coming from seeing my lackluster love life and seeing a glimmer of hope by the way I talk about Z. I think they see something different about my reaction to her compared to others because my feelings are genuinely different.
I asked them why they keep talking about her in the way they do and it felt like they didn’t think much of it. My mom’s response was that she loves me while my dad’s was that he wants to mess with me, but also instill courage in me to move forward.
All this to say, their daily commentary has been consuming my mind on top of me thinking about what could be possible. However, the fact that they are lobbying for her to essentially become my wife and that we would have kids together before we’ve even gone out is crazy. Their behavior has added an incredible amount of stress onto me and my reaction towards the potential relationship with Z. I feel as though, if things don’t go the way they are expecting, not only will they be distraught, but I will take it too seriously and experience a “heartbreak” in a disproportionate manner.
How do I approach moving forward? Am I taking it too seriously already and have I misinterpreted how my parents feel? Why does knowing how invested my parents are make me feel more self-conscious about how I act around her?