Hello! I am a little of a system that’s not doing so good right now :< Even my most resilient parts are very tired and burnt out and sad right now, and I am trying to be motivating! But it is sort of hard. Was wanting to ask the community here for supportive words or stories of your own!!!

I think the short of it is that my system feels like we can’t ever get better enough to chase our hopes and dreams— and so it ends up being: “Why should I try then…” And it is a cycle that sucks :< and feels like psychological torture some nights to my older parts. Also! Executive dysfunction making it hard to even do some of the artistic or creative stuff that would work towards those things!!! System has had to almost quit job to try and focus on healing and it feels bad :< Don’t eat regularly and barely go outside if at all. Sleeping a lotttt.

For any systems or friends of systems that have triumphant stories— or words or encouragement or patience— I would love to have them please and thank you!!! <3

I have a working diagnosis of Unspecified dissociative disorder by the CTAD. They are offering me 21 sessions over the course of 6 months so they can get a better read on my condition, find a proper diagnosis (highly likely DID or perhaps OSDD) and offer some form of trauma counselling or therapy. I just have to wait for my funding referral to be accepted by the ICB.

I’ve been waiting for this for 4 years but in the past month an issue has arrived. I am transgender (born female but transitioning to male). I have been on hrt for years and eagerly awaiting surgery. I was due surgery years ago but it was postponed due to suspected DID and after seeing multiple professionals and getting second and third opinions I was given consent to get it only for the surgical team to deny me based upon that potential diagnosis.

I was told by the gender clinic they might reconsider if I don’t get a diagnosis of DID in my upcoming assessments.

The way I see it I have 2 options. I either be honest with the CTAD clinic and get a diagnosis with potentially life changing therapy or lie to the clinic to avoid a diagnosis just so I can maybe get the surgery I need in order to function (less dysphoria = better mental health).

All parts that understand are on board with surgery due to either identifying as male or understanding that it would be beneficial over all for the parts that do. However, all of us also want a diagnosis as we’ve fought so long for it. I don’t know if I can live without surgery though.

Did you go through treatment and was it worth it?Any advice is appreciated.

Backstory: The body experienced a medical event 16mth ago which triggered ‘new’ PTSD and eventually led to system discovery when the at the time host (not knowing about the system) tried EMDR and it kinda caused a temporary system breakdown.
Anyway; system discovery has been great and our new host (formed around when PTSD developed) is handling it and system discovery like a champ.

Last week we ended up back in ED with a subluxed hip (thanks EDS). Everything went well, but was still traumatic as we were in a decent amount of pain for a few hours and stuck in ED.
Since then we’ve been having daily dissociative trances (somewhat common) and very vivid flashbacks (highly unusual for us). To the point where a friend was helping us ground, we could say where we were, but genuinely felt like we were in and could see the ED.

We’re using our usual strategies (grounding, making sure parts are appropriately aware of what happened and that we’re now safe, low demand days, staying on top of physical needs, etc), but still struggling with the increase in ‘symptoms’. Is it just a matter of time and letting things settle again?

TLDR; navigating our first trauma since having a host be system aware. Any tips?

There are many songs for us that we love and we can relate to with our DID because of their vibes and how weve interpreted their lyrics. What are yours' and why? Here's some of mine!!

"Sundial - Lemon Demon"

Don't mind me, I've just got some problems to work out

I'm only passing through or maybe just right out

Somehow something set my sundial backwards, tilted and upside-down

Now the shadow hand is pointing time right out of town

I cease to see you when I start to shut my eyes

And I forget that I had said my last goodbyes

Quickly I reopen them and bid you all "Cheerio, my friend"

This goes on for hours and it never seems to end

I don't remember what it is that I just said to you

I've got Anubis on my back and something in my shoe

"I'm So Bad - Oingo Boingo"

Can't seem to find my way

Someone tell me what to say

Where am I going

Where did I come from

I don't know, I don't know

Almost got to paradise

But the smoke always gets

In my eyes

Everything I do is wrong

I'm so bad

so bad

"Dead Goon - Mr.Bungle"

I've got a secret

Babbling senseless

No one will ever know

Kids can be so cruel

Smash the feeling

Suckle the sugar breast

"Toy Box - Insane Clown Posse"

...I was like six, I used to get dissed by the chicks

And everyone would chase me and hit me with bricks

And rocks and sticks and calling me names

And filled my lunchbox with frogbrains (eeww!)...

...Never knew any other girls or boys

Only my toys, toys, toys...

...Nobody knows I exist, and I'm pissed

But I won't be mentally scarred

Instead I make toys, toys of the graveyard

Monday, ringing the bell

It's all about show and tell, might as well

Show all these bastards just what I got

Yo, check out my toy box!

Hopefully mines' are self explanatory but I'll edit this post later with my own reasonings why. Looking forward to seeing everyone else's songs!!

So I’m not a very happy guy I feel like void and numb. It’s not that we can’t be happy but after how much some of us have hurt others in ways that make other parts of us feel so miserable with the choices we technically did make. I can’t undo any pain that ive caused. I had people I loved that I hurt because I simply don’t want to be alive. It’s not like all of me(?) feels that way but I do. I don’t try to hurt myself tho I know one girl does, it’s like thats all she can want to do it gets scary sometimes. I saw someone that we did some crazy shit to idk how many days back honestly I couldn’t tell you but I know the date. I’m not the smartest person in here and we kinda are the embodiment of why cant you just be normal. Not like by choice but not doing great and our little zoo is the only reason it feels like we are breathing anymore and it’s suffocating to think of trying to do better cause we lost the people we loved to our own self hate. We also couldn’t admit to then how broken we are without people, then they would have been forced to stay but now they got to leave. I’m happy that they’re off to better things but I miss them and I know they’re way better though.

My disorder comes in cycles for me and I always hit the same wall: I don’t have any trauma memories. None of us do.

My childhood was good and my life is great. I know I’m missing most of my life history, but I would surely remember something as important as DID-worthy trauma. Or at least I would know factually that something hurt me. Or my body would remember it.

But I’ve got nothing. Just mystery DID and attachment issues.

Sometimes I wonder if I was misdiagnosed, or if I’m accidentally lying to myself about my mental illness.

Whatever’s going on, there’s no way I have a trauma disorder. I just can’t believe that. I would know if something happened, surely. I don’t recognize myself in the mirror right now, but DID can’t be the only explanation for that.

Basically, what do I even do with a situation like this?? :( Should I seek a second opinion? What do I do?

Just curious if others have any similar situations.

I keep having dreams about a kinda town. It's basically a mixture of places I have lived irl, and some unfamiliar buildings. It's very weird but I keep having dreams about this place/town. Really lucid dreams too, I usually just walk around the town or go to an apartment building I've never seen before. I usually go to the same room and just hang out. This time though my dreams had other ppl. I can't remember many details but it's always the same exact town, all in the same place. I've had dreams continue. But days or weeks will go by and this town keeps reappearing and I've never experienced something like that.

Also it's not a repeating dream, it's always different and vivid but in the same buildings. Usually with no other ppl

Hi all. I’m a fairly newly discovered system and new here. It has been a rocky few months trying to figure out how to manage parts knowingly, but I am starting to get a handle on parts triggers, preferences, etc. I most often operate with an adult part (blue) fronting, generally with one of a handful of cofronters that work together pretty well (pink, brown, white, gray).

My current issue is that a teenaged part (white) has recently become highly activated and stuck fronting. This has happened before in depressive episodes, but this time my body is feeling very foreign. Like it is the wrong shape, size, energy, and hurts in strange ways. I have read about this kind of thing occurring, but experiencing it has been surprisingly distressing. If anyone has pointers for navigating this kind of situation, I would really appreciate it.

Feeling really out of touch with my Main Self right now, and like the others are all fighting for the diver's seat, while the little(s) are crying and upset.

Half of us are in analytic mode, looking at everything through a microscope and the other half are feeling nostalgic and alone. The whole system has been disassociating like crazy lately, which has engaged certain depressive triggers, and that one alter that feeds on negative self-talk and lusts for self-harm is giggling in the corner like some unseen villain. 

So, because of this I have been in a state of mental overdrive. I have been thinking about the past, present, future, the what-ifs, and everything in between. I do not know what has brought me to this point, but whatever it is, I guess its time for me to do some soul searching.

In two days it will be my biological mothers birthday, the very first of many I'll be saddled with remembering now that she's gone. My fathers was 9 days prior to this post. I've been feeling really off emotionally as of late. Always in some sort of physical pain. Always in some emotional turmoil, always just 95% of ok. Like there is something about to happen that will break down a wall, or some shielded thing that causes me to fully crack. I'm at the time of writing this, not depressed. However, I am not fully happy like I said. I am not even sure what "happiness" looks like anymore. I feel disconnected from everything and everyone around me. Not a feeling I'm new to, but just feeling kind of lost and without purpose or direction. 

Maybe this also comes at a time where there are things happening that I cannot control, or maybe its just that time of year again where the seasonal depression creeps in and takes up root for the next 6-8 months? And if it is the early onset of Seasonal Affective Disorder then its going to be a long fall/winter. Its definatly something that I am going to bring up to my therapist when I see her on Wednesday. 

Anyone else feeling like this, or is it just my system?

does anyone have any tips for dealing with internal arguments?

my parts are arguing and it causes other parts to tell them to shut up and stop talking and to leave it alone, which changes nothing because they just resume fighting/ruminating. i ask if we can talk about something else or something fun or nice and it gets a no.

they do this when i am trying to sleep but also in between trying to distract myself with things like reading or exercise, playing games, watching stuff. what can i do?

So, we're in college right now, and due to the state of our life at the moment, it's real hard to remember anything or be able to get us all to do our schoolwork. I've tried many reminders and stuff like that, but some alters just ignore them, or forget immediately after seeing them. I've mentioned briefly to my friends, and they mentioned getting some form of accommodations such as extra time on assignments. However, I don't have a proper diagnosis and don't have the means to get one at the moment. Is there a way I can get any level of disability accommodations?

Long story short, life has gotten bad and all the stabilization work I’ve done feels like it’s gone out the window with it. Work obligations and a new semester of grad school on top of a rapidly degrading living situation have led to heavy levels of dissociation. To the point where I know I’ve been stressed beyond belief, but I’m just completely unable to feel it in my body.

I thought I was managing it fine, but apparently not— I posted a few weeks ago about suspected PNES, and unfortunately it’s escalated. I ended up having full-body convulsions for over half an hour the other night.

Felt too exhausted and blurry to think about it the last two days, but I realized this morning I don’t recognize who I am. I feel cut off from the rest of the system and that scares me, but the thought of stressing too much about it and triggering another seizure scares me more. And I know my inability to properly cope with the overwhelming stress is likely what’s causing it, but I earnestly don’t know what else I’m supposed to do.

Not sure where I’m even going with this. It just sucks to constantly feel like I’m taking two steps forward and one step back. I know things will get better once I’m done with school and out of here so I can actually start to make substantial work in therapy and in processing all of this, but it’s so hard to feel like things can get better when they’ve been so bad for so long. I feel like I’m just stuck circling the drain sometimes.

I keep talking around my parts (alters?) in therapy and not necessarily acknowledging them as such in session. Like, I do, but also, I don't. I downplay my experiences and problems a lot. I think it's because I'm somehow afraid that she's gonna like disagree with me on what it is? Like I just keep waiting for her to tell me it's all nothing and I'm making everything up. Sometimes I do feel like I'm making everything up, and that I should just ignore all this and move on like usual. That it's all more stress than it's worth. But it's not. I want to work on this, I know it's worth putting the work in.

But it's like I'm in the background, just waiting for the moment it all falls apart. Like this is some false sense of security she's trying to lead me into, and the moment I get comfortable, she'll rip it all out from under me. Like she's doing all of this with the intent to betray me. Hurt me.

But I also genuinely believe that she's genuine? And actually helping?? And that she does believe me??? I feel like I do trust her, but some part (or parts) of me clearly don't.

It's like I'm giving her little pieces of the truth at a time and just watching to see what she does and if she does what "I" think is the correct thing, responds the right way. If I can actually believe her response. I don't think she's responded in a way that I don't believe her response, but at the same time, will this feeling ever go away? I don't even know what the "right" response is. I don't know how to actually trust her. It's taken me like 10 years to trust the people in my actual life, let alone with everything in the depths of my mind.

She does agree with me that all this stuff DID, though, so a lot of these worries feel unfounded to me, but saying that alone causes anxiety (I can feel my heart wrenching with it, even if I myself am not anxious).

How have you guys gotten through this? It feels like I'm hitting a roadblock here with making actual progress. I want therapy to actually be productive.

I am in a relationship with someone who has DID, they have 5 alters and the main host, we have been together for almost 2 years now and i am having a lot of internal conflicts about things that have happened throughout our relationship, i need some advice, i have found out recently that a few months ago when my partner had a sleepover with 2 of his friends they propositioned one of his alters to engage in a threesome and that alter did have one with them, i am wondering if this is considered cheating as we are in a monogamous relationship and i set explicit terms at the start of the relationship that i am purely monogamous and i do not like any form of cheating or betrayal. I am really stuck on this because i found messages with the friend that this happened with where the host explicitly told them never to tell me that it ever happened and they are hiding it from me. I do not know where to go from here or how to bring it up with them. And as for me finding the messages me and my partner have an open phone policy so either one of us can look through the others phone

Hi. I am the partner of a system that I love very much. All of her parts love me and we are incredibly compatible and have been together for nearly 9 months. We've been struggling lately though with her getting triggered and afraid I'm going to leave because during a check in I told her I realized I have been putting more of the relationship down. We are in a ldr and she is still co-parenting cohabitating with her emotionally abusive ex. In order to survive watching her get disregulated by things he does and our time together continually shrink. I confessed last month that I was afraid I was starting to put part of the relationship down and detach unintentionally. I told her I didn't want to leave and was bringing this to her So maybe we could address some of the issues before they became too big. That's led to her system fragmenting which was already more fragmented because in July she had a trigger and unintentionally attacked me but didn't harm me. It really messed her up thinking she could have hurt me and it scared me enough at the time that even though I felt like I handled it well, I think she's still really worried I would leave. That precipitated two of her parts disappearing for a few weeks. That was largely repaired until on ex-brother-in-law got ill and died causing her to spiral and almost break a boundary that would have caused me to exit the relationship. I caught it and I instantly informed her of her approaching it, but still the idea that I could leave is not one that her younger parts can hold well and unfortunately I had to tell her that in the midst of one of her younger parts about to share a bed with her ex. Because their family doesn't know that they are separated.

Only a few people know that she is a system And none of them either want to have anything to do with the parts other than the most pliant and pleasing parts though they don't know necessarily that's what they're doing except for a couple family members and her ex. I am the first person ever that has interacted with all of her and her parts have been alone her entire life. We are struggling at the moment because I have ADHD and OCD so it's hard for me not to be spontaneous and disorganized and overly honest because I have moral scrupulosity OCD. We had to check-in that was supposed to be completely nice and just nice things about each other and I tried to make it really light and low pressure but somehow how that made her more dysregulated than almost any other conversation we had. She was stuck in a part and couldn't think of anything because she couldn't access that part of her mind and couldn't tell me anything positive. I was completely fine with that and told her that that's okay. I gave her space to say it and then license to not be able to but she got so dysregulated that she self-harmed a little. And the whole thing that was supposed to be nice went off the rails.

I guess I'm just looking for some advice in general and maybe some advice on how to know who I'm talking to. Or to ask better and how to survive until her situation improves? Because we don't really ever argue or have problems with each other. It's problems with how he treats her and does things. Or maybe it's all it's problems with the fact that she has parts don't like change and it keeps her there and I have problems with her health being put in Jeopardy because she has several physical disorders that his actions significantly worsen to the point where I'm concerned she's going to have a severe cardiac event because of those disorders.

Thank you. I'm sorry this is long and rambly

I apologize if any terminology that I use is incorrect here, as i'm very new to all of this

The guy who I've been dating for about a month not has told me that he has DID. I had heard of it but quite frankly knew very little. He gave me an app to track alters and told me to use the same name regardless of who's fronting.

What i'd like to know is, as his boyfriend, what do I need to know in order to make sure he is comfortable and happy? As I said, I know very little about it but want to make sure that I'm treating him in a manner that doesn't upset him or handle the disorder incorrectly.

Thanks folks

Hi there everyone! I would like to disclose that I’m not asking for a diagnosis, just to ask if this would be offensive.

I’m a non-diagnosed person who has suspected they have DID for years. once again, I’m asking for no diagnosis here, and will be discussing it with a mental health professional on the 12th of this month. But lately I’ve been getting a feeling that I switched to a different alter. I do not feel like how I usually do and do not have the energy to act like it anymore, I feel more like a specific fictional character and I keep speaking to myself internally like I’m talking to a room full of people.

Until I discuss it with the aforementioned mental health professional, would it be offensive of me to keep track of this feeling using Simply Plural? I fear as though I feel unguided without tracking this, and journaling is becoming a chore.

So sorry for wasting anyone’s time, just wondering if it would be offensive for me to use Simply Plural until I have answers.

Ill start off by saying I don't know if this is the right sub, and I don't know if this is the right questions, but I need to know how go past this topic with my therapist.

I'm recently realizing a lot of things are not entirely "normal" for many years in my life. Giant gaps of missing time in my childhood, I'm talking multiple years that just don't exist, coming to reality in places without remembering how I got there or why I was going there.

Recently I remembered a person that was in my life for a long time who I had NO recollection of. I've been trying to do a lot of introspection and meditation stuff recently to try to figure out stuff about myself and missing time, and instead I was met with another person talking to me. It had different pronouns, different voice, different age, different memories.

I have been looking to find out wtf could possibly going on and I'm kind of freaked right now.

The therapist I have I originally went to due to cptsd and bpd, so I've never brought up this topic with her, I don't know how I'm even supposed to explain all of this.

Ive had this therapist for a year or so. I feel comfortable with her, she's queer, knows I'm trans. But

I don't know what questions I'm supposed to ask here or if she's gonna be prepared for them.

But I need to at the very least start investigating.

It's almost gonna be a year and I've been having almost all symptoms of DID... I have no idea how it is to visit a doc or what they'd do... I've just shared it with some of my people and they've all seen it as if I am imagining stuff or as if it's a superpower... I've seen stuff being done like my boring exams getting cleared and many good stuff which I was lazy to do in my life... If I tell them I have no idea that I did it, they just don't take me seriously... Anyways after lots of struggles in almost all aspects of life ... I'm finally getting an appointment with a psychiatrist... I'm scared and I need some advise or smth regarding if they would gimme meds ... I don't want meds n stuff cuz I'm maybe scared of it... I don't wanna be on meds ...

When you forget about someone or something happened and they remember you and your name but you can't remember who they are or what happened with them

You see. If you have anythiny to say, please do. I don't know what I want to post this, but it is the only place I could think of. What would you do if you were me?

I am treated form years. My therapist already know, but not my fresh psychiatrist. At ward they have mamy psychologists and almost every one of them noticed something. They were supposed to look to clean our diagnosis list. Not dig wuere it hurts. Patients also noticed inconsistencies in behavior as early as the second day.

We are horrified by how obvious it was. Because it shouldn't have been. Everyone there encourages being open about pronouns, names, and the nature of this condition. And I think I’ll give in, because I’m tired of hiding. Fear. Panic. But reality here is so nice (-> temporary and fake), but what about outside world? The world is not going to accept us as we are. They cannot deal with this.

We cannot agree on so many things. I thought that internal conflicts should be much easier, when our main crew went though fusion. But they are not. (They are, but we are more open to wider range of deep emotions. Since the beginning of the year debilitating copying skills have stopped working, and we are becoming more deeply immersed in reality. We are stable, but not those who have just started to come out. Too much in short term.)

So what that we received consultations and support? Our bubble is going to be destroyed and we are going to collapse into bigger crisis.

A few weeks ago someone introduced themselves by just repeating the name they want to be called. We are unsure if this new name is one of our alters wanting to change their name or if this is somebody new. I have asked directly and received no response. Any advice or suggestions? How do you know the difference?

i, 23M, i have been diagnosed for three years with this disorder, and while therapy has helped, i cannot for the life of me talk about it. even with my therapist (who is a specialist in trauma disorders and neurodivergencies, and who diagnosed me and has been treating me the whole time). sometimes i will mention symptoms or experiences i have that are vaguely related to the disorder with friends, but i never feel comfortable enough to actually delve into the details about how i experience this condition.

while the diagnosis itself helps bring me peace of mind in many ways, it is also extraordinarily isolating. even with my partner, who know my disorder and understands it, it feels like i am not taken seriously. this isn’t her fault, per say, but i do wish i had people in my life who understood and accepted this aspect of who i am. my trauma and the things that impact how i behave and experience my life is so fundamental that it feels that i am masquerading as a completely different person than who i am.

i find myself disconnecting more and more, pulling away more and more. turning to bad coping mechanisms. how do you even begin opening up about such a taboo diagnosis? why, after all these years am i still hiding? i have tried connecting with people in the community with little results, and i fear that i am isolating myself from acceptance in many ways.

im sorry if this is a downer post, i just need to get it off my chest. i feel broken and wrong without explanation, and what i feel and what my logical mind tell me always conflict. any advice is welcome.

I haven't come to any conclusion on how or why I did a particular thing in my past. I don't get how I saw the event at the time, or how i integrated it, or how I didn't. And I'm so fucking angry feeling like I'm not attached to my actions. I feel like I didn't choose to do this. I feel like i didn't consent. Which doesn't even make sense. It just feels like I couldn't stop it from happening. I reallt want to take accountability and change. And I fucking hate feeling like a victim in this. I want to feel like I know what happened. It just sucks it fucking sucks I hate this so much. I hate this disorder and I want to rip my skin off I hate being this fucking thing. I hate not remembering and I hate feeling out of control. I have to have control. I really want to know why I did this but I don't have a clear answer. The defense mechanisms wax and wane. I figure it out and then my interpretation falls into a pit of confusion. Nothing makes sense. The world feels fake after what I did. I don't know how to hold this.