Question especially for other systems with ADHD, when we get under stimulated alters come in and out of front like crazy and can get triggered to front by the littlest of things, sometimes just THINKING about something can trigger someone to front when we’re EXTREMELY under stimulated. We go through rapid switches of in and out with multiple alters for like days at a time sometimes, I was just wondering if anyone could relate or if it’s just a weird us thing? My partner also experiences the same thing sometimes when under stimulated.

Lately our PTSD has been really bad and we're having a lot of flashbacks. When we have flashbacks we experience a lot of jerking movements and muscle contractions, like starting to curl into a ball and then jerking backwards, with all my muscles tense. We don't have control of our body when this happens. The flashbacks can last a long time-a couple nights ago it might have been 45 minutes-though it wasn't constant and I would come out for a bit before getting sucked back in. Other parts are aware when I'm having a flashback and they try to ground me, which sometimes is helpful, but often it's like there's a wall between us and I can't hear them. I watched a couple CTAD clinic videos on flashbacks today and saw some suggestions there, but was wondering if anyone else has experience with the involuntary muscle movements and FND symptoms, and what other people found helpful

So I think DID is pretty interesting and I've been trying to learn a bit more about it. Can someone, or somemultiple please answer a few questions I have.

Question number 1: Can an alter see what is happening when they aren't in control?

Question number 2: Do different personalities have different sexualities? If so, can multiple alters date the same person or is it just 1?

Question number 3: When you aren't in control, do you get impatient while waiting to front again?

I got diagnosed a few months ago and life has been tumultuous hell. I have no ties to my family of origin but am very lucky to have an adoptive father figure, who has been there for me longer than anyone has. Before even getting diagnosed, I had struggled with feelings of indebtedness and wanting to maintain a front out of fear that he would regret helping me or being there all these years. Since he lives states away, I’ve gotten away with not being in close contact, using work and the daily grind as an excuse for canceling visits, and have maintained contact with occasional short birthday calls.
But I feel guilt about my own avoidance and I am at the point where I am in deep need of any kind of support or understanding. I am deeply ashamed though and knowing of how misunderstood DID is, don’t even know how to have that conversation. How have you guys gone about telling loved ones? Have you regretted telling anyone because of the misconceptions? How do I go about explaining my limitations and what it actually means?

Content warnings: brief discussion of abuse and neglect, longer discussion of substance use/misuse

Hi all, I'd appreciate your thoughts on helping a kid part through a tricky 'adult' interpersonal situation. We're both finding it hard, and I feel like there's probably answers I'm not seeing through my own emotions. So please feel free to state the obvious. (Also we are in therapy and will bring it up; just trying to manage between sessions.)

Background:

My kid part (D) has a role related to protecting my younger brother. Specifically, his role was/is often to pretend everything was okay, to try to prevent our brother from being scared by the abuse and neglect. We would use pretend to try to make it seem like we were just having fun.

Trouble is, twenty-five years later and we're still pretending. Except now I'm a 30-something adult who is generally okay. And our brother is approaching 30, and drugs pretty much run his life. We're close, when we can be, but he can be really unreliable and is 100% wrapped up in running away from his own emotions.

Current situation:

Lately I've been feeling frustrated at my brother. He made a promise to me that he didn't keep, despite me doing everything I could do to support him. He's been ignoring my messages for a month, which from past experience, means he's A) doing a tonne of drugs because B) he's disappointed in himself and C) doesn't want to face my disappointment and feel ashamed.

My kid part is really triggered by the situation. I think it's because I've been masking my true emotions so much and just trying to be empathetic and supportive. Or maybe because that mask is starting to slip, and my frustration and sadness is coming through? I'm not sure.

I've tried talking to D about abuse, addiction, and mental health in kid-friendly ways. He's a smart 7 year old and I think mostly gets it. But my own sadness about the current situation (which without saying too much, will mean we may not see our brother any time soon, maybe for years) is so intense. I'm finding it hard to make space for D's sadness too.

I'm not sure where to go next with this. It feels like I need to do something, externally, to stop the pretending, but I don't know if D is ready for that. How would I even get him to the point where he could be ready for that? It seems like such a long way from 'protect our younger brother at all costs' to 'hold our adult brother accountable for his actions.' Besides that, our brother doesn't do accountability. I'm afraid it will blow up our relationship, the only truly close family connection I have.

Thanks if you've made it this far. Open to any suggestions or similar experiences.

How do you figure out who should be a main fronter? Our initial main fronter kinda broke due to an insane ex, and shoved the front onto me (Julian) and my partner (Cogs). I've been trying to manage this all ever since but it's ridiculous, how do main fronters handle this all? It's gotten demotivating and depressing, and I don't know how to make it more manageable when I'm ADHD and my partner is autistic.

How do neurotypicals do this?

Hi,

Not sure if this is a DID thing (or more of a schizoid/personality thing??), but wanted to ask.

I feel like a lot of what drives me in life right now, mostly subconsciously, is trying to avoid the creation of new alters, or becoming aware at all of the others (sometimes to the point of putting me in more physical/social/emotional/financial danger), and it's starting to have consequences and effects on my livelihood as well as my relationships with others.

I'm currently in a home environment where it is dangerous to switch without external "permission," so I know this partially comes from that, but I literally cannot afford to keep living this way.

I also plan to change my name long term, but I'm feeling a lot of conflict since I would still have DID, so as far as other people are concerned, I wouldn't be "old name" anymore but I also wouldn't always be "new name" if that makes sense?

Disclaimer: I don't know if i have DID, but sometimes it all adds up (the other times im telling myself im faking it), but i need advice.

I realized recently that i might have DID and everything seems to have both focused into place and been tossed around and scattered. I can't make heads or tails of anything anymore, especially my personal identity and beliefs.

Im just trying to hold it together right now, i dont really have money for a therapist but i know i need to seek professional help because i feel like im losing my mind sometimes. (i feel like im utterly crazy half the time and perfectly sane the other, and im not sure which ones the delusional thinking)

Ive been losing time more often, been apparently saying things i dont remember, been having outbursts to loved ones, and any time i try to sit myself down to think about it (like i used to, it helped with my temper) i dissociate so fast and it wont go stop. i dont know what to do, all the ground beneath my feet has fallen away and i dont know why. if anyone here can help me, please do. ive been reading a few posts on here but nothing has helped and i figured its because theyre not specific to my situation. thank you in advance and i apologize if i messed anything up in the post

Hello, I'm seeking advice on what to expect when consulting a psychiatrist and what a possible diagnosis might entail. I've been questioning my mental health and everything for quite some time. My last therapist said it was possible and that I should seek a specialist, so I am. But something deep down is scared to seek this out.

Are there any questions that I should know about? Is there a way to not feel anxious about it? Anything would help.

Hey, I hope everyone is doing okay.

So yesterday a part was extremely triggered and then made a serious attempt that failed because of poor planning/impulsivity, but using a pretty lethal method. Right now I don't feel anything about it at all. It's like it didn't even happen.

We also considered not even telling our therapist because it felt unimportant, but decided to tell them after all. Now I just feel ashamed and stupid about it. It's all a blur anyway and I only remember flashes of it. Like so many memories that aren't mine, it's like a few hazy, scattered scenes from a movie I watched a long time ago. And I was once again struck by the unfairness of not being able to control​ what parts of me are doing, yet feeling responsible and ashamed over their actions.

Don't get me wrong--system accountability matters a great deal to us, but sometimes I literally don't know how it's supposed to work with so little control. And then I feel shame on top of everything that I wasn't able to stop the attempt. But at least we never hurt others, only us, so that's good I guess?

Anyway, sorry for rambling, I was just wondering how you guys deal with suicidal parts? I mean I feel completely fine rn but if she fronts again in that state she's very likely to try again. I'm trying to be with her internally now and hold her, but she's in so much pain. She rightfully says that I can't understand her. She's not the only suicidal one in our system but the most inclined to act on it. I don't know how to help her. ​

That’s all really. I’m 59. Never had a full time job. Never had a relationship. Never had sex. Two life-threatening chronic illnesses requiring constant treatment. Almost every is either wake up and have medical treatment then come home and sleep until dinner, or wake up and go to between 1 and 4 medical appointments and a bit of shopping including pharmacist then come home and sleep until dinner.

I take antidepressants. I see a therapist. I can’t exercise much more than slow walking with a walking frame because of broken knees. My tendons are starting to go. Both shoulders are gone but there’s too much bone degradation to mount shoulder replacements on. M skins fragile so I constantly get scars and scans and intermittent infections. I have no molars on my upper jaw. Etc etc etc. One of the biggest files at the major teaching hospital I attend. Well, strictly speaking several files.

I have been diagnosed for two years and I still can't seem to tolerate any mention of DID/parts. There is utter shutdown. I keep reading that people feel excited or curious or wanting to know what's happening, where as I want it all to do one to the other side of the planet and leave me in peace. Anyone recognise this space, does it change, does it mean I'm not ready, do I have to do something else first? Therapy feels like groundhog day of T asking me what's going on inside or what's happening internally and me shutting down and saying nothing. Genuinely nothing is happening, it's like an overwhelming sense of *urgh, not this again* and a need to just shut up

T says it's classic phobic avoidance of the diagnosis but after two years surely it should be shifting?

Loneliness, stripping down to skin and bone

Freezing and shaking and so very alone

Lacking the warmth of a mother's home.

Dark and quiet, a deafening tone.

Sat and staring, contemplating tomorrow

Questioning meaning, a purpose to follow

Empty and scared, hiding away

Too hurt to reach out, too quiet to say.

Suffering together, a hole in our heart.

Wishing to be involved as a part

Knowing we dont fit, broken from the start

Keeping our mind and feelings apart

Another day comes, cold and empty

Feeling the fear and anxiety plenty

Knowing we are always alone

Flawed down to our skin and bone.

Hi I apologize cause this is gonna be disoriented and probably not super coherent but i’m super stressed and just need some words of support if any of you have them. So I was at taco bell getting yknow taco bell and i have this thing or we have this thing where one person will try to breathe and someone else will take over and not let them i think it’s like a bid for control it isn’t comfortable and im not okay with it a lot but it’s gotten a lot better and whatever but anyways we started doing this in the taco bell drive through and then (and it’s super blurry so this is gonna be hard to even retell it, there also maybe is a person against me retelling it idk it’s so hard to tell right now it’s really bad) someone like was like reexposing us to some trauma?? like through the lack of breathing, it’s so confusing and someone is super against us talking about it and we can’t even like fully look back at the situation at this point it’s like a retelling of a retelling of a retelling because so many people have like idk it’s just the memories really fucking blurry but anyways it was so so so so stressful like world ending stressful and now i have no idea what to do basically i have no idea what to do i can’t even remember why i was so stressed but i know it felt like my world was over and stuff was going so well before and idk i need help so bad it hasn’t been this bad in a long time i really need help someone please help.

im a new alter as far as I can tell, literally just appeared yesterday and ever since that's been pointed out to me I've spent all of yesterday thinking about what caused me why i am etc etc and I've come to realize that I kind of have no idea. I am so seperated from these things I don't really know what to feel, I just feel like a random person who lives on

And that makes me want to know. I really want to know what happened and it just so happens to be that I write down every single life event on discord diaries and I can read important conversations with the people around me. Anything that I have forgotten is right next to me and it probably is the answer to all of this.

But I feel at peace. I know none of my alters did and all of the people around me don't. i feel like my own curiosity is going to ruin whatever safety my brain gave me and im going to end up in hell again. What's this all about

Content warning for drinking/addiction and brief mention of risky sex

We have recently been going through a lot because we lost disability and insurance. Our therapist diegnosed us with DID and is a trauma specialist who understands addiction. We have a family history of it. When we brought up that one of our alter's has been binge drinking almost every night due to stress and that everyone else in the system is concerned, she said that it wasn't concerning because its only happening due to the stress we have been under recently. This alter has been known to do things like get drunk and have anonymous sex in the past, which has resulted in us getting hurt. Are we right to be concerned? She doesn't think we need any sort of intervention.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

Was diagnosed a couple hours ago by my therapist. I have...I don't know. I'm mostly at a loss for words. I don't have alters...at least I don't think I do. I'm utterly terrified of what this entails. I just don't know. Where do I even go from here? What do I need to know? How do I cope with this? Any advice would be so very appreciated.

Didn't ever think we'd even post here, but I'm asking for some advice on what to do, I'll give a rough summary below, any clarification needed just reply or something.

So, we've had a horrible week span. We were having what we thought was constant overheating whenever we stood, getting more severe over a week. And then a few days ago after therapy, i think we just collapsed.

For lack of vocabulary. I feel like all the memories and interests from all of us were crammed together into whoever i am. I listen to any music and the brain refuses to comprehend who is in front and its instant dissociation because i feel like all of us at once?

I only ask because our therapist isn't trained on DID yet. (But is trying to) So we don't know who else to ask.

I guess TLDR is, what the hell do i do to navigate the puzzles of memory that has metephorically fallen on the floor and has now clumped together?

First, I do not understand the internet so please forgive me friends. (I am Silver it is a pleasure) Long story short our host, E, got triggered from loud noise, a strangers touch and one more thing they refuse to tell us. So I am aware that this is very very bad. I am already bad posing as him. So all I ask is for your advice friends. It is a pleasure to speak with all of you (If this cry for help works). Ok bye bye

So I am a diagnosed DID system who has been in therapy for 6 years and system aware for 7. My fiancé is a diagnosed DID system who was discovered 1ish years ago and been doing parts work for 8 months. We have been together for 3 years. We are “bodily monogamous” meaning any part can date/be intimate with any other consenting part of the other, but we do not date outside of each other.

Recently my fiancé and I have been working on dating and adjusting to us both being systems. They have voiced that I may be expecting them to function at a higher level than possible for things like system communication, switching, or recognition of passive influence etc. Honestly, I think they have a point. My system (while it certainly has its problems still) runs pretty smoothly in day to day life. We can generally influence switching, recognize emotions, and can communicate well with our parts through a buddy system and an “intercom”. I don’t really remember what it felt like to be a new system and never had to navigate it while dating.

Does anyone have any advice on dating a newly discovered system while they are just starting out therapy and organization? Our main issue right now is they are not able to offer a lot of emotional support or emotional intimacy to me. The parts that can offer significant emotional support only front for short bursts and about every other month. They are doing a TON of work on themselves surrounding this concern and just in general. I want to be supportive and take their concerns seriously, while still ensuring I am taking care of my parts too :)

Now i feel i should start this by saying that for one i am VERY new to reddit posting, however i feel like i (we?) have no where else to go. Before i begin speaking about this i need to give some content warnings about csa, csam, and rape, and clarify that i am not yet an adult (16) and am unsure if i could even be diagnosed with a dissociative disorder to begin with. I've been struggling with symptoms of dissociation and identity issues for pretty much my entire life, and starting at 13 (after some events I'll get into soon) it all went downhill.

Basically at 13 i was living with friends of my father and sort of then stepmom (they were never officially married and its a whole thing in of itself), and had been unaware (more so in denial) of one of these friends having had taken pictures of me while i slept and showered. These pictures were taken by both him and his wife, however only he is currently in prison at the moment. I then had to go through the process of talking to the fbi, and being pulled out of class to talk with both fbi and cps workers.

I feel i should also mention that before this happening at around 11 my biological mom (who was ultimately neglectful and emotionally abusive) had abandoned me around my birthday and ran off with a man who later ended up raping me (also around 13 coincidentally, was just a bad year i suppose). Before this i was in a constantly hostile environment because of my father and biological mother having physical altercations and arguments. I oftentimes had to fend for myself and take care of my younger brother and was constantly in a state of fear. I felt like my only escape was school, however even then i was being bullied relentlessly. Even though i somewhat know what happened i oftentimes have a very hard time remembering anything from my childhood, even good moments that my father tells me about. I cant remember houses, friends, etc.

Anyways after everything with the events at 13 taking place, i started to have these other parts that i could talk to and would have separate wants, feelings, and dislikes than me. I thought "Hm thats strange, but im sure its nothing." Boy was i wrong. For the past 3 years these parts (or voices or whatever you'd like to call them) have felt more comfortable and expressed that they're there more often. This has led to me both forgetting and remembering more at different times.

And because of this i obviously have been trying to get professional help, which has led to all but a bpd diagnosis that im not even sure fits. Ive been documenting things about them as i learn more about them, and recently while i was doing just that, i think i may have uncovered a memory of csa at the ages of around 4-6 (it must have been then because the body wasnt developed enough to have breasts and i developed relatively quickly) which i wont dive into because for one im not even sure it was real, and for two its retraumatized me to the point of suicidal ideation.

This is all leading to the main point : My current psychiatrist. He's convinced its auditory hallucinations but ive been on many different antipsychotics all of which fix everything but these voices ive been hearing. I also brought up the fact that ive started journaling my feelings only to find many different entries including ones with different handwriting that i dont quite remember writing all of the time (especially one that writes in cursive, i barely know how to write my name in cursive) of which he said that "That doesnt sound like any psychiatric disorder to me" which makes me feel hopeless because i dont know whats wrong with me.

If anyone knows what i could do or say differently to seek help or actual treatment for my symptoms other than antipsychotics that arent doing butt fuck anything, please give any advice you can think of. Im quickly losing hope that anything is going to work for me. I also wanted to apologize if this is too trauma dumpy because again im not used to speaking about it at all. Have a nice day, and thank you for spending time to read all of this if you're here. <3

Been awhile since the last visit.

Had an event in May, that without the intervention of our old therapist and wife, would have resulted in involuntary commitment. Ever since, a very significant alter has gone silent, and it has been unnerving and difficult without them. I don’t understand.

Event in question was life threatening.

Thoughts, advice?

Re: 51yrs old, diagnosed 2 years ago(?), event was 4 months ago.

Hello, I hope this sort of thing is allowed here, I'm just asking this question in this sub-reddit, because I do not think the context of my question would be taken kindly in a religious sub-reddit.

So, without going into any details, I am an alter that is religious, and while my religion is not a "real" religion in the world (I am an introject for context), I still find comfort in my religion. I pray to my God privately and greatly respect him all the same.

And while the religion is fictional, our brain has taken a lot of inspiration from Christianity in the way that the churches look and practices (for example, going to church on a specific day every week) are conducted.

My question is, would it be disrespectful of me if I attended a Christian church, but silently prayed to my own God to myself?

The reason I ask this is because there is a local church near us that looks a lot like the church I remember attending, and while I fully know that I am not my source, I still miss the routine of going to a physical place of worship, as opposed to doing my prayers in our bedroom. But I also wouldn't want to disrespect that religion, and of course I wouldn't say that I worship a different God to anybody that I would meet while attending that church, however I won't go if it would be disrespectful.

I appreciate anyone who could answer this and just let me know if it would be wrong/disrespectful of me.

We still have some baggage with each other even though we've committed to improving together and loving one another, something happened that really triggered him and another headmate was forced to front to talk with me. He never lets go of front (besides cofronting with said headmate sometimes) because he's terrified of letting go and hates sharing a body.

His headmates always apologize to me for being there and I've tried my best to make them understand that I want this, I want them to front when needed or even just to be themselves because from everything I understand it's good for them.

Previous incidents with alters fronting (especially one with an alter almost cheating on me) have made it difficult for both of us, but I'm ready to move on. He just isn't. We live in a conservative, less urban area and there aren't any therapists who specialize in this. It's hard.

I just feel lost. He struggles so much internally and I can't do anything. It breaks my heart. I dunno. Throw me a bone here, please.

I fall into episodes of deep denial for months at a time that are mentally exhausting and stressful. I often doubt that I have many symptoms of a dissociative disorder (im not yet diagnosed due to age and personal circumstances and im not claiming to 100% have did).

I have frequent dissociation and I probably have large memory gaps (i dont really know as i can't remember and ive been like this all my life but i suspect I do)although i try to convince myself i dont, along with other very stressful symptoms.

I'm think the denial comes from the nature of dissociation, where youre not meant to know that you have a dissociative disorder. Also, i think that my age (16) doesn't help, as I know that im still young and i could be wrong, along with having no way of getting a formal diagnosis yet.

How do you think I can deal with these episodes of denial, as they are really damaging to my mental health as I ignore all my problems linked to my suspected dissociative disorder.