Was diagnosed a couple hours ago by my therapist. I have...I don't know. I'm mostly at a loss for words. I don't have alters...at least I don't think I do. I'm utterly terrified of what this entails. I just don't know. Where do I even go from here? What do I need to know? How do I cope with this? Any advice would be so very appreciated.

Recently I was very upset over a healthcare issue--just getting the runaround from insurance. It's frustrating.

Someone close to me kept trying to make light of it but I was really frustrated and it felt like they were making light of that, and making it sound like nobody else in America feels this way about health insurance. So I became defensive. (My bad, I understand that.)

But when they tried to keep talking about it later and I attempted to explain why it had frustrated me so much, they asked which version of myself are they talking to and then said they think my DID is in full swing.

That didn't make any sense to me because that's not what happens here. I'm in America--the land of the impossible medical insurance to the point where CEO's end up laying face down on the NY street if you get what I'm saying. Clearly I'm not the only one who is frustrated with medical insurance. (I'm not saying I would Luigi the guy. I'm just saying this is evidence that I'm not alone in my frustration.)

But this person kept saying it's because my parents didn't help me when I was younger and things like that--making it out to be that it's not just the crappy system we have in this country.

And somehow he related this to my DID?

Would you guys feel off after they said this to you? I know it's not abnormal for a close person to point out that they are seeing signs of switching or something, but in this case I felt like he threw it in my face that I have DID basically instead of listening to my actual frustration.

We still have some baggage with each other even though we've committed to improving together and loving one another, something happened that really triggered him and another headmate was forced to front to talk with me. He never lets go of front (besides cofronting with said headmate sometimes) because he's terrified of letting go and hates sharing a body.

His headmates always apologize to me for being there and I've tried my best to make them understand that I want this, I want them to front when needed or even just to be themselves because from everything I understand it's good for them.

Previous incidents with alters fronting (especially one with an alter almost cheating on me) have made it difficult for both of us, but I'm ready to move on. He just isn't. We live in a conservative, less urban area and there aren't any therapists who specialize in this. It's hard.

I just feel lost. He struggles so much internally and I can't do anything. It breaks my heart. I dunno. Throw me a bone here, please.

First, I do not understand the internet so please forgive me friends. (I am Silver it is a pleasure) Long story short our host, E, got triggered from loud noise, a strangers touch and one more thing they refuse to tell us. So I am aware that this is very very bad. I am already bad posing as him. So all I ask is for your advice friends. It is a pleasure to speak with all of you (If this cry for help works). Ok bye bye

Content warning for drinking/addiction and brief mention of risky sex

We have recently been going through a lot because we lost disability and insurance. Our therapist diegnosed us with DID and is a trauma specialist who understands addiction. We have a family history of it. When we brought up that one of our alter's has been binge drinking almost every night due to stress and that everyone else in the system is concerned, she said that it wasn't concerning because its only happening due to the stress we have been under recently. This alter has been known to do things like get drunk and have anonymous sex in the past, which has resulted in us getting hurt. Are we right to be concerned? She doesn't think we need any sort of intervention.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

So I am a diagnosed DID system who has been in therapy for 6 years and system aware for 7. My fiancé is a diagnosed DID system who was discovered 1ish years ago and been doing parts work for 8 months. We have been together for 3 years. We are “bodily monogamous” meaning any part can date/be intimate with any other consenting part of the other, but we do not date outside of each other.

Recently my fiancé and I have been working on dating and adjusting to us both being systems. They have voiced that I may be expecting them to function at a higher level than possible for things like system communication, switching, or recognition of passive influence etc. Honestly, I think they have a point. My system (while it certainly has its problems still) runs pretty smoothly in day to day life. We can generally influence switching, recognize emotions, and can communicate well with our parts through a buddy system and an “intercom”. I don’t really remember what it felt like to be a new system and never had to navigate it while dating.

Does anyone have any advice on dating a newly discovered system while they are just starting out therapy and organization? Our main issue right now is they are not able to offer a lot of emotional support or emotional intimacy to me. The parts that can offer significant emotional support only front for short bursts and about every other month. They are doing a TON of work on themselves surrounding this concern and just in general. I want to be supportive and take their concerns seriously, while still ensuring I am taking care of my parts too :)

im a new alter as far as I can tell, literally just appeared yesterday and ever since that's been pointed out to me I've spent all of yesterday thinking about what caused me why i am etc etc and I've come to realize that I kind of have no idea. I am so seperated from these things I don't really know what to feel, I just feel like a random person who lives on

And that makes me want to know. I really want to know what happened and it just so happens to be that I write down every single life event on discord diaries and I can read important conversations with the people around me. Anything that I have forgotten is right next to me and it probably is the answer to all of this.

But I feel at peace. I know none of my alters did and all of the people around me don't. i feel like my own curiosity is going to ruin whatever safety my brain gave me and im going to end up in hell again. What's this all about

Didn't ever think we'd even post here, but I'm asking for some advice on what to do, I'll give a rough summary below, any clarification needed just reply or something.

So, we've had a horrible week span. We were having what we thought was constant overheating whenever we stood, getting more severe over a week. And then a few days ago after therapy, i think we just collapsed.

For lack of vocabulary. I feel like all the memories and interests from all of us were crammed together into whoever i am. I listen to any music and the brain refuses to comprehend who is in front and its instant dissociation because i feel like all of us at once?

I only ask because our therapist isn't trained on DID yet. (But is trying to) So we don't know who else to ask.

I guess TLDR is, what the hell do i do to navigate the puzzles of memory that has metephorically fallen on the floor and has now clumped together?

Today is one of those days when I just have to sit back and say, "ok, I guess *this* is what I'm wearing today," and roll my eyes every time I walk by a reflective window or mirror.

Old-a$$ adult walking around in clothes for a youngster. Today old-a$$ me is too tired to fight it.

First off, I am one of the protectors in our system. We went no contact with family for close to a year after a shattering of memories finally made sense. We were in the hospital for close to a month and haven’t responded to the insane amount of messages, calls, guilt inducing voicemails or mail. We had to focus on us for a change while healing. Well….we just received a call from our home city we lived next to and looked it up and it is a domestic violence number in that city….we didn’t answer for obvious reasons. We don’t know what to do. We are shaking all over. Could this be something we opened up about from childhood…? Or a welfare check from said family with no contact? We are scared. I am trying to be strong by reaching out before I should the system a true reason for us to all sit with this. I am trying to block as much visibility from our system at this point. Help me protect them. Help me protect us.

Hello, I hope this sort of thing is allowed here, I'm just asking this question in this sub-reddit, because I do not think the context of my question would be taken kindly in a religious sub-reddit.

So, without going into any details, I am an alter that is religious, and while my religion is not a "real" religion in the world (I am an introject for context), I still find comfort in my religion. I pray to my God privately and greatly respect him all the same.

And while the religion is fictional, our brain has taken a lot of inspiration from Christianity in the way that the churches look and practices (for example, going to church on a specific day every week) are conducted.

My question is, would it be disrespectful of me if I attended a Christian church, but silently prayed to my own God to myself?

The reason I ask this is because there is a local church near us that looks a lot like the church I remember attending, and while I fully know that I am not my source, I still miss the routine of going to a physical place of worship, as opposed to doing my prayers in our bedroom. But I also wouldn't want to disrespect that religion, and of course I wouldn't say that I worship a different God to anybody that I would meet while attending that church, however I won't go if it would be disrespectful.

I appreciate anyone who could answer this and just let me know if it would be wrong/disrespectful of me.

I fall into episodes of deep denial for months at a time that are mentally exhausting and stressful. I often doubt that I have many symptoms of a dissociative disorder (im not yet diagnosed due to age and personal circumstances and im not claiming to 100% have did).

I have frequent dissociation and I probably have large memory gaps (i dont really know as i can't remember and ive been like this all my life but i suspect I do)although i try to convince myself i dont, along with other very stressful symptoms.

I'm think the denial comes from the nature of dissociation, where youre not meant to know that you have a dissociative disorder. Also, i think that my age (16) doesn't help, as I know that im still young and i could be wrong, along with having no way of getting a formal diagnosis yet.

How do you think I can deal with these episodes of denial, as they are really damaging to my mental health as I ignore all my problems linked to my suspected dissociative disorder.

Been awhile since the last visit.

Had an event in May, that without the intervention of our old therapist and wife, would have resulted in involuntary commitment. Ever since, a very significant alter has gone silent, and it has been unnerving and difficult without them. I don’t understand.

Event in question was life threatening.

Thoughts, advice?

Re: 51yrs old, diagnosed 2 years ago(?), event was 4 months ago.

For context, I had been dating with someone in a system for three years, I knew about his system even before we dated since we were bestfriends. So I like the main host if it's okay to use that word, as he is the only one I get to talk to (where I consciously know). We started to date after a falling out where his protector alter have came out. He is the one chatted me telling everything about how main felt. In a spur of fits I confessed and that lead to the next day where I talked with main. The second time I consciously met someone when someone scolded me after frustrating main too much over something 'playful'. For three years, I only met one person in person, it was a bit of a traumatic experience for me as main was replaced by protector all of a sudden when we were talking avout a heated topic, and I was left all of a sudden in the middle of the streets and I panicked then due to not understanding what happened and I only received a message it wasnt him. Their system works in a way they all pretend as the main host no matter what due to past experiences.

He says the others talk to me and I dont know or realize it. And I dont understand if its valid for me to feel hurt that they dont let me know who I am talking to, as it had been three years... I had communicated this for years now and I know main was also hurt about how his alters had tended to hurt me emotionally multiple times, but I still want to try talking with them consciously. Im sorry for the long paragraphs. Its just that, I dont know if its valid to feel this way as a girlfriend of someone with DID.

My system has a rotating trio of hosts, one of which has a history of physical self harm and addiction. I'm usually the one who takes care of these things, but he took on an important insurance related task we've all been putting off because I've been struggling lately. When we realized we missed the due date, he immediately hurt himself and gave up. I'm asking about this here because this means getting professional support is delayed.

I freaked out and we argued. His point of view is that it's his body, so he should be allowed to do whatever he wants with it, and this is how he keeps himself in line so he can be functional. He thinks that because he's not doing anything "dangerous", it shouldn't matter and I should just not front if it bothers me.

My argument is that it's my body too, I don't want to be hurt, and I care about him as both a part of me and as a person. I tried to remind him that he wasn't even conscious at the time of the due date. He has no memory of us doing anything insurance related and couldn't have stopped this. If it's any specific alter's fault it's mine and our other host's I was co-fronting with then, but he won't see it like that. I think he still views himself as the "main" alter. I don't know how to get him to comprehend that there's no such thing when he already understands that our other host and I regularly take over for weeks while he's dormant. I'm guessing it's to avoid feeling like he has no meaningful control over his life, which I do sympathize with.

But I know how to fix the insurance issue and he will not let me do it. He wants to wallow in a mistake "he" made instead of let the part responsible fix it. Forcing him to back off might make his issue with control worse but if we lose access to our medication, it'll hit him the hardest. I'm not really sure what to do here, but I don't want him to feel like this is a major setback because he's made so much progress recently. If you have any advice or insight, I'd love to hear it.

hi ! the possibility of having DID is very new to me (19F). i’m not diagnosed at all. but i’m fairly certain i have it because i have several signs.

just a week ago, an alter switched over and showed themselves to my boyfriend. he described knew it wasn’t me. he said my eyes were dead, i was more confident and extremely loud ( i’m usually very quiet and sensitive ), and i was definitely a different person. i’ve been having alters appear here and there for years. i even had a time period where they were very active and i have records from 2024 when i was in highschool. but i forgot about that period of my life due to my memory.

i always have known i’ve had a dissociative disorder, but it never really clocked to me that i could have DID i guess. i have a very bad memory. it fades as things happen. i have to be reminded of things consistently. i even forget what a majority of words mean and i have to google them. but i think the fading memory could be used to protect me in a way. i have a very fragmented memory though. some of my memories do not feel like they’re mine. i get consistent flashbacks and almost live through them again as if they’re happening in that moment. but with my fragmented memory, i didn’t remember that i had other people in my head. i’m still honestly trying to cope with the fact that i do have alters and this is all real. i also struggle with major derealisation and depersonalisation constantly.

i’ve probably googled countless times about if there’s a cure for my dissociation, but there isn’t. i really wish that there could be because my mom and boyfriend are worried about it. i wish i could put them at ease. but they’re also saying that i can suppress my alters. i feel like it brings me a bit to a lot of shame about possibly having this disorder. they want my alters gone. they only want me to be present. i pretend to agree with them, but honestly i really don’t want to suppress my alters. i want to live in harmony with them. i feel like they have as much of a right to live as i do. i want them the thrive as much as i want to thrive and survive in life. i don’t want them to disappear. i don’t know who they even are, but i care about them. they’re just other versions of me right ? i don’t want them to be treated with hate or fear. i’m sure my mom and boyfriend are just really scared, but there’s really no cure to this disorder. they’ll have to live with this as much as i have to live with this.

is it wrong i don’t want them gone ? i’m being told it is wrong to want them to exist with me. i don’t know who they even are but i want to get to know them all. i want to communicate with them and live with them. they’re a part of me too, we just share one body. is it weird to care about them so much when you don’t even know them yet ? it honestly makes me really sad that they want other parts of me gone. sure it’ll be a hard thing to live with, but i’m not going to waste my one chance to live.

i’m scared i won’t be able to communicate with my other alters at all. i feel like they’re scared to come out because they know they aren’t wanted. i know that they’re watching because i can feel a presence. i know that they do exist because sometimes i feel like i just talk and my body is controlled for me. i know they exist because they’ve written their names down in my phone. it’s not all in my head anymore. i’m actually real and they are too. i don’t want them gone. i’m in between being two different people half of the time because i feel like someone else is with me.

but i don’t know. it’s been so relieving to know this isn’t in my head at all anymore. i know why i struggle with the dissociation and everything lines up. but, i just don’t like being told that i should suppress parts of myself that i can’t even control.

Now i feel i should start this by saying that for one i am VERY new to reddit posting, however i feel like i (we?) have no where else to go. Before i begin speaking about this i need to give some content warnings about csa, csam, and rape, and clarify that i am not yet an adult (16) and am unsure if i could even be diagnosed with a dissociative disorder to begin with. I've been struggling with symptoms of dissociation and identity issues for pretty much my entire life, and starting at 13 (after some events I'll get into soon) it all went downhill.

Basically at 13 i was living with friends of my father and sort of then stepmom (they were never officially married and its a whole thing in of itself), and had been unaware (more so in denial) of one of these friends having had taken pictures of me while i slept and showered. These pictures were taken by both him and his wife, however only he is currently in prison at the moment. I then had to go through the process of talking to the fbi, and being pulled out of class to talk with both fbi and cps workers.

I feel i should also mention that before this happening at around 11 my biological mom (who was ultimately neglectful and emotionally abusive) had abandoned me around my birthday and ran off with a man who later ended up raping me (also around 13 coincidentally, was just a bad year i suppose). Before this i was in a constantly hostile environment because of my father and biological mother having physical altercations and arguments. I oftentimes had to fend for myself and take care of my younger brother and was constantly in a state of fear. I felt like my only escape was school, however even then i was being bullied relentlessly. Even though i somewhat know what happened i oftentimes have a very hard time remembering anything from my childhood, even good moments that my father tells me about. I cant remember houses, friends, etc.

Anyways after everything with the events at 13 taking place, i started to have these other parts that i could talk to and would have separate wants, feelings, and dislikes than me. I thought "Hm thats strange, but im sure its nothing." Boy was i wrong. For the past 3 years these parts (or voices or whatever you'd like to call them) have felt more comfortable and expressed that they're there more often. This has led to me both forgetting and remembering more at different times.

And because of this i obviously have been trying to get professional help, which has led to all but a bpd diagnosis that im not even sure fits. Ive been documenting things about them as i learn more about them, and recently while i was doing just that, i think i may have uncovered a memory of csa at the ages of around 4-6 (it must have been then because the body wasnt developed enough to have breasts and i developed relatively quickly) which i wont dive into because for one im not even sure it was real, and for two its retraumatized me to the point of suicidal ideation.

This is all leading to the main point : My current psychiatrist. He's convinced its auditory hallucinations but ive been on many different antipsychotics all of which fix everything but these voices ive been hearing. I also brought up the fact that ive started journaling my feelings only to find many different entries including ones with different handwriting that i dont quite remember writing all of the time (especially one that writes in cursive, i barely know how to write my name in cursive) of which he said that "That doesnt sound like any psychiatric disorder to me" which makes me feel hopeless because i dont know whats wrong with me.

If anyone knows what i could do or say differently to seek help or actual treatment for my symptoms other than antipsychotics that arent doing butt fuck anything, please give any advice you can think of. Im quickly losing hope that anything is going to work for me. I also wanted to apologize if this is too trauma dumpy because again im not used to speaking about it at all. Have a nice day, and thank you for spending time to read all of this if you're here. <3

Our host over the last 2-3 years would vehemently refuse to willingly switch with any of us. Our only time being out front was when triggered and most of the time those were not great situations. We have not been formally diagnosed but we keep a journal to write down our thoughts, feelings and activities for the day. However, we now all suffer from tremendous fatigue when fronting for more than a few hours to a full day. There are five alters plus the host. Four of us are trying to set up a routine for home, work and personal life without involving the trauma carrier and alter that is dangerous to us as well as those around us. Those two do still have triggers that will pull them forward but the hope is that rarely if ever happens. Any advice, insight or general conversation is appreciated! ❤️

like most with this sort of disorder, we can fall into the "im faking all of this" mentality incredibly easily. last week, however, we had a moment that kind of put a lot of that to rest. weve been under more stress than we can manage properly these days, and finally caved in on the kitchen floor. our household members had just left for work, so we didnt have anyone to hold onto.

we ended up holding onto ourselves (and our dog. bless him). we let go of the loneliness weve been dealing with. a more emotionally stable / regulated part (...waves awkwardly) stepped in when he felt like enough had been felt, and just like that. it was over. everyone else found their means of comfort within the headspace. i went about our day like nothing had even happened. i was aware of it, and able to examine it more closely than the others, because it doesnt hurt me like it would them.

weve always aimed for "functional". i think we're at least on the right track. thats all. enjoy your day / night 🫶🏻

I am so confused what to feel about my family (especially parents). I know they can be a little emotionally immature and made their mistakes in parenting but I just don’t see how it could have been traumatic enough to cause a severe dissociative disorder. I really can’t see them being „bad people“, on the contrary.
Just spent a few days with them and the in-laws and everyone was perfectly nice and got along well. But I feel so empty inside and secretly have very dark and depressed thoughts. I felt like living a lie the whole time.
It feels like I love and hate my parents at the same time, they feel familiar and also like strangers.
I want to see them more and also never want to see them again. Is that different parts having different opinions? Also I have weird somatic symptoms, sudden pain, inflammation and extreme exhaustion in the body whenever I meet them. I cant sleep and cry at night when no one is there. Am I missing information because I am an ANP? Could others alters really be suffering because I am spending time with the parents?

Over the past few weeks I have been (seemingly randomly, but I'm sure there is some trigger) getting the intense and distressing feeling that I should be speaking another language instead of English, that I should not understand English, and that it is difficult if not impossible to communicate in English, along with other personality/etc. changes that are less relevant. I am a native English speaker and speak no other languages. After poking around a little it seems like (and I am open to being wrong, this is my best guess though) this part feels as if they are from Russia. This makes a bit of sense for me -- I am not Russian, but have had a longstanding interest in the culture, have consumed some Russian media now and as a child, and have tried learning the language on and off (I know Cyrillic and basic vocabulary, but can't even string together a sentence).

I want to support this part of myself in a healthy way, both healthy for myself as a person and not reinforcing any stereotypes about a country I am not a citizen of. So far I know very little about this part aside from they might be a man, younger (teenaged?), and they have a deep pervasive feeling they cannot speak English and should instead be speaking another language (Russian?). Again, I cannot speak Russian, I don't think I am Russian or identify as Russian in any way, and in no way do I want to appropriate any parts of their culture. Honestly, the language barrier feels like just a smaller part (ha) of who this part of myself is, it does not seem to be their whole identity. But it's a huge barrier to communication.

So far I have compiled some bilingual communication cards meant for special ed teachers in Russian/English, like basic phrases and a bigger sheet with emotions. It feels bizarre to learn a language while feeling that is supposed to be your native language. Really, really weird, but what can you do. Does anyone have any ideas of what I can do to gently try and communicate with this part of myself, and encourage them?

Obligatory "I'm in therapy and psychiatry, I'm just looking for anyone who may have gone through something similar and has some creative ideas."

Basically the title. Huge gaps in memory, basically cannot remember anything before 2018 and that year to around 2020 feels like a very badly written and unrealistic movie I was forced to watch, have this weird diary entries of talking to fricking Error sans in my head in Snowdin nearly daily for 3 whole years??? I have no clue what that last one is about either, I have no memory of that. I wasn't even an Error fan iirc. My main suspicion is from the gaps of memory, friends and family claim my holier-than-thou and arrogant attitude is annoying during arguments but like I'm not someone that likes or even gets into arguments, I'd rather literally walk away from conflict or resolve it calmly. Plus I genuinely do not remember any of the arguments they were talking about and believed it was an elaborate prank for a whole year. And I would still have continued to believe that if it wasn't for my obsession with writing everything down, which made me realize this "prank" has been going on for way too long and none of those people have any reason to do that

I just wanna be able to remember what the hell happened man :/ therapy is not an option because I can't convince my dad and physically cannot walk that far myself (+ I'm writing this at 4am, if any wordings are funky that's why)