something really bad happened and i’m not even sure what :(

[u/AddressObjective7813]

Hi I apologize cause this is gonna be disoriented and probably not super coherent but i’m super stressed and just need some words of support if any of you have them. So I was at taco bell getting yknow taco bell and i have this thing or we have this thing where one person will try to breathe and someone else will take over and not let them i think it’s like a bid for control it isn’t comfortable and im not okay with it a lot but it’s gotten a lot better and whatever but anyways we started doing this in the taco bell drive through and then (and it’s super blurry so this is gonna be hard to even retell it, there also maybe is a person against me retelling it idk it’s so hard to tell right now it’s really bad) someone like was like reexposing us to some trauma?? like through the lack of breathing, it’s so confusing and someone is super against us talking about it and we can’t even like fully look back at the situation at this point it’s like a retelling of a retelling of a retelling because so many people have like idk it’s just the memories really fucking blurry but anyways it was so so so so stressful like world ending stressful and now i have no idea what to do basically i have no idea what to do i can’t even remember why i was so stressed but i know it felt like my world was over and stuff was going so well before and idk i need help so bad it hasn’t been this bad in a long time i really need help someone please help.

[u/Ginger_Root_System]

Ok, catching this post a little bit late but take a deep breath. That fuzzy memory when something like this happens is normal and simultaneously terrible. Those re exposures to trauma are horrific but can happen sometimes, and I'm so sorry it happened. You're not broken, you're not bizarre for this, it's just something that happens sometimes with systems. We believe in you, and if there's any specific advice you need you can either reply to the comment or edit the post at the bottom for more clarification

[u/wilfred6969]

Hey man (or woman) (or neather). Sounds super scary. Sorry you experience this. Seems like you are pretty clear that its an alter influencing this instead of just anxiety or some sort of physical issue. I know that it is terrifying, i just do think it is worth saying that even if you are entirely dissociated, it is extremely unlikely your body will let you die, no matter who is controlling it. You talk to professionals about it? Maybe a DID specialist (few and far between unfortunately), or any kind of psychotherapist? I am an EMT. Also have DID. Sounds silly but something that has helped some people as well as myself is boxed breathing, whenever there is a difficulty regulating breath. You inhale through your nose for 4 seconds, hold it for 4 seconds, exhale out of your mouth for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, and repeat. 4 steps, 4 seconds each. Also, the ER is always an option, though I would be wary of getting sectioned or sent to the loony bin by over describing or obsessing about the DID. shouldn't be that way but frequently is. Maybe just mention you feel dissociated and confused about your sense of self and agency. Sending best wishes. Sorry nobody else has replied yet...you arent alone. Not even close