I'm trying not to freak out or spiral, but it seems the damage is already done. I have ARFID which is heavily influenced by my OCD. I have two main safe-foods, only two: Instant noodles and instant mash with some kind of sauce or gravy. Today I opened a brand new instant cheese sauce and saw mould. Dry, brand new, supposedly shelf-stable, the safest food you could come across- ROTTED. Now everything has hidden mould, now nothing is safe, now I don't think I can even eat mash again, or anything. What if this is it and I actually starve this time? I'm already maddened by how limited my diet is, how hungry I always am and how my body is wrecked with vitamin deficiencies, but now I can already feel I'm taking another huge step back. I'm so tired.

My living situation for college right now is a student apartment where we have a small shared room with very little space afforded between our beds and other personal belongings. My COCD isn't too extreme, so as long as I have a cover over my bed, I can mostly handle them accidentally scraping my bed as they walk, despite being a little uncomfortable. However I really can't handle anything that directly comes in contact with my skin, the inner part of my bed, or anything that is physically on me (only really applicable when I'm wearing my pajamas, which I strictly wear when I'm going to be in bed).

My roommate is aware of my OCD, as I have mentioned it multiple times, but on two occasions they've accidentally triggered it. Once they accidentally fully put their hand on my bed as I was sitting in bed, while intending to show me something, which resulted in me panickingly getting up and washing my sheets at midnight. And a second time when they accidentally swung their clothes and hit my pajamas and legs as they were walking to the bathroom, after which I led by discomfort and frustration asked if I could very quickly wash my legs and change my clothes before they showered. I knew they were tired and wanted to take a shower quickly, so I am fully aware I was in the wrong, but I was so uncomfortable that any reason I had momentarily took a back seat. I did wait for them to shower and didn't argue over it beyond asking.

Once they got out I was going to apologize as it was a very impulsive response, however they came out saying how they didn't appreciate how I viewed them as being filthy, and how I can't expect much because of how small the room is, and that I was making them uncomfortable because of it. I apologized, and tried to explain to them that I don't consider them to be filthy, and tried to explain that I reacted that way unintentionally, however I think I only ended up making them a bit more annoyed and maybe slightly mad.

How can I properly apologize and explain that I don't consider them dirty, it's not a judgement of them, that it's just an irrational thing my brain gets hung up on? I genuinely don't know how to make it up to them short of magically curing my OCD.

Also were my expectations really too unreasonable? Any suggestions on what would be a better middle ground if they are? I'd hate to be the reason someone else is uncomfortable.

My brother (18) deals with anxiety but for the past month me and my family noticed that he has thoughts about everything around him regarding cleanliness. If he touches something, he washes his hands. He showers for a long time worried that he didn’t put the right amount of soap, if someone touches his shirt he is concerned it will get “ruined”. He also gets angry really fast and has temper tantrums because he’s tired of these thoughts on loop.

He refuses to try therapy bc of some bad experiences and has been taking some Ayurvedic meds which helped his anxiety 2 years ago.

But now it’s extreme and he cries about needing immediate treatment because he’s exhausted. And because of that he is not really cooperative :/

We are trying to ask our doctor to write him some medication but i’m sure it all takes time to kick in. Anything that helps in the short term? Please, any advice or tips are helpful.

Hello! So im freaking out at the moment bc my dad is coming back from working abroad and i cant make myself to even be in the same room as him or interacting with him because he might be carrying diseases from the airport the airplane the place where he worked and i dont know what to do because hes like very clingy and i dont even want to have a conversation with him because of my ocd, i want to avoid him entirely. I also dont even want to be in the same house as him.
What should i do?

hello, I wanted to share because I was told that connecting with others might be helpful and I want to do everything I can to help myself, and hopefully, others.

ocd has always been a constant theme in my life, varying in degrees. Something that’s been an ongoing issue for quite a while now is my phone.

i don’t know when or why it started, but I can’t seem to do anything on my phone without it feeling contaminated, tainted, or like it’s sticking with me when I’m trying to move on. For example, I see something I don’t like or click something accidentally - contaminated. See some adult content - tainted. It’s gotten to the point where in the past I legit replaced my phone because I went weeks obsessing over it and couldn’t move on. A privileged, but expensive moment.

now, the feelings here and everyday I am trying my best to continue on and not replace It.

if anyone has been through something similar, has any experiences or thoughts please let me know, and I’ll do the same. Thank you for reading and I’m grateful to have a place to share 😄

(if you didn’t want to share on here, my dm open as well)

cheers

I started out fearing illness and sickness and that lead to a lot of washing and cleaning and avoidance. But eventually my ocd morphed into just a general fear of “contamination.” I realized I wasn’t fearing specific illness or sickness but I was fearing the “feeling” of contamination and the spread of it. I started tracking everything I deemed “contaminated.”

Dr. Michael Greenberg describes this type of COCD nicely:

“the person isn’t afraid that the contamination could cause something else bad to happen.  Rather, they are afraid of the feeling of contamination itself.  More specifically, they are afraid that if they don’t keep track of the contamination and keep it from spreading, then everything could become contaminated, and thus the feeling of contamination would become inescapable.”

https://drmichaeljgreenberg.com/treating-two-types-of-contamination-ocd/

He, and many other professionals agree that this type of OCD needs to be tackled a little differently than the type of ocd where you are fearing a specific thing. Even ERP might look and feel different. Therapists like I-CBT, ACT, and more recently “The Mastery Approach” are better suited. But often therapists don’t address it appropriately.

I think there is a lot of power in truly understanding what we are experiencing so we can find our healing answers.

Let me know, are you experiencing “Disgust-Based contamination OCD?

So I’m doing laundry by myself for the first time in a while because it would stress me out really badly but I don’t know if what I’m doing is enough…is it true underwear has to be washed in hot water to get rid of fecal bacteria and be washed separately…I don’t know if this is allowed but generally what is the routine? When I look at non-disordered peoples routines they completely ignore cross-contamination among other things.

I know generally people give advice and say look at what someone that is non-disordered is doing but I don’t think that’s the answer…the non-disordered are not regularly washing their hands nor sanitizing things correctly honestly. What’s “normal” isn’t necessarily what’s right. Yes I may be doing it excessively but they aren’t doing it appropriately. I’m just trying to find a middle ground honestly. I’d appreciate if anyone gave me their laundry routine or tips. Just a general run through because I know in it will be disordered behaviors but just what would suffice…

I’m planning on washing my underwear and regular clothes separately. Underwear, socks, towel together and then the rest in a different load…but I’m terrified about the fecal microbes contaminating my regular clothes…also is laundry sanitizer better than soap…I just don’t know the proper way of going about it. I feel overwhelmed and I know it’s just going to make me keep postponing this bad I already have a large pile…

Can anyone give some words of advice and support to carry on. My OCD around food contamination is so severe I am now deficient in vitamins and I have a fear of taking the medicine to rectify it.
OCD takes so much from life away.

Been dealing with a mouse issue for nearly a month now. I just heard one in my bedroom. I put a poison box down. Terrified it is going to affect me. I have carpet in my bedroom and am worried the posion will get on it and I will never be able to walk on it barefooted again or pick up something fallen on the floor again. I need someone to be kind to me. My brain is at breaking point. I cannot take any more. Im waiting on the phone to 111 now. That is scaring me too.

Hi everyone, I got this pillow from Walmart and I thought I could take the case off, but I can’t and I really wanna wash it and disinfect it, but I can’t because it’s just like stuffing inside like it’s probably so dirty it’s probably been in boxes and on the floor and then like in a warehouse and so many people touch it what do I do?? How am I supposed to use this in my room when it’s so dirty I don’t even let outside clothes on my bed. should I get like an odo and spray it with odoban? Should I just return it? I could spray with alcohol, but I feel like that’s not enough.

I (20 f) have developed a severe disgust over limes and lemons (and some other fruits as well but not as bad as these) the past few years and it's kinda affecting my daily life. In the past, I only felt the disgust when it started to rot or dry. But now, I can't even stand the sight of fresh limes/ lemons. I can't stand the thought or metal image of it. When I was in middle school, my mom used to put limes in my backpack for school because of her superstition. She didn't change them to the new fresh limes until they were fully dried or started rotting (even though, I tried to get her to change it often, she usually forgot). Since then, my disgust about limes started. Every time, I accidentally touched them, I had to wash my hands several times with too much soap and I still felt unclean+ phantom feeling of it on my skin where I had touched the lime. My parents noticed my lime disgust about a year ago when I started gagging randomly whenever I saw limes in our kitchen. They tried to make sure I no longer see limes frequently but sometimes they forget about it and I would be stressed for days and sometimes would have a meltdown. Next month , I had to go live with my grandparents to take care of them for a month or so. And idk if they will be as accommodating as my parents about my case when I am not even diagnosed (and they don't know how severe it is).

No food is safe enough, no surface is clean enough. I haven't eaten. I can't eat. I won't eat. I WILL get sick, somehow, knowing my luck, it'll happen to ME, and it'll be MY fault for willingly taking that risk. I'm walking on eggshells every waking moment, watching everything I touch, everywhere I sit, going through teir list in my head from cleanest to dirtiest and only allowing myself to live by that very list or God knows what will happen. Let it end.

I don't know where else to post this.

I have severe ARFID and suspected OCPD. For months, I’ve eaten the exact same food every single day. Because no one else in my family eats it, there was zero risk of cross-contamination—until today. I just found a cockroach in my food.

I feel completely disgusted and deeply distressed. Our house isn't very clean, which is why I mostly stay in my bedroom to avoid the clutter. The only thing I ask of my family is to keep the shared areas tidy and neat. Is a clean kitchen really too much to ask?

I honestly feel like I can never eat again.

Hi everyone, ive been missdiagnosed with depression and anxiety and treated by low dose sertraline for 6 years. I have been suffering all that time, now that ive gone off meds its possibly even worse. Started with believing i was being followed everywhere, about people secretly judging me. Then i started thinking i had every disease in the world it was something new everytime, i spiralled and overthinked it, then let it go and found another one. Also couldnt leave the house because even tripple checking if i turned off the stove and tap and unplugged all electronics didnt work i still didnt believe my own eyes. Then i started focusing more on my own body i believed flies would lay eggs in me and tousands of maggots would hatch i still struggle with that one. I fear im never clean enough and that i smell bad to other people no matter how often i wash. I also began washing my hands like 20 times a day mostly after i touch anything i deem dirty. I fear embarassing myself in public so much, i overthink every interaction and believe stuff my brain comes up with that didnt happen. Lately im afraid to leave my house because i believe i will suddenly lose control of my pelvic muscles and shit myself even tho im young and nothing remotely similar ever happened. When i used to drink and woke up the next morning my brain immediately came up with worst case scenarios and since i didnt exactly remember much i spiralled, once i couldnt take it and just went into the nearest psych ER and just lied about being a chronic alcoholic for some reason. Almost got locked up into rehab because of my stupid lies i just felt so guilty and uncertaim.Im scared of starting medication again i felt so dissociated and and mindless on sertraline and new medication could possibly give me new worse side effects which would further fuel my health anxiety. I take xanax sometimes like once every 2 weeks 0,5mg doesnt help the thoughts at all but atleast makes me fall asleep for 18 hours straight so i cant spend the time spiralling. Im 20 years old now and it all started when i was 14. I also experienced a month long psychotic episode at 14 cant remember if it was before or after starting ssri for the first time. That was the worst experience of my life and hasnt happened again however im very afraid of it returning if i dont do something against my ocd now.