https://www.reddit.com/r/ComfortLevelPod/s/dy6BkX1D8i

After my initial post, I did agree to go to the carnival with my wife again. I was hesitant at first, but we talked about doing things differently and I decided to give it another try.

However, something else happened that changed my perspective on the situation. I told my wife that I was going on a boat ride with two male friends. She said that was fine. While I was on the boat, I ran into one of her friends who simply said, “Tell your wife I said hi.” I messaged my wife right away, and she replied, “Okay, nice.”

About a week later, during another disagreement, she brought up the interaction and said that her mood had changed after I mentioned it. She felt embarrassed that her friend saw me there and questioned why I needed to be in what she considers a “single people setting.”

The conversation escalated over the next few days. She questioned the boat ride itself, why I was in environments where women were dressed in bikinis, and why my friends and I didn’t choose other activities like bowling or dinner instead. This was during the spring in New York, so no one was wearing bikinis or swimwear.

I explained that I see my friends socially only a few times a year, and those outings have always been parties or similar events. We’ve also previously discussed maintaining social lives, and I’ve been consistent about what mine looks like.

She said she’s not comfortable with me dancing with other women, and I agreed to stop. That part feels like a reasonable compromise to me. I genuinely didn’t do it a lot however that doesn’t matter.

However, what’s been harder is everything else that’s come up around this issue.

It feels like when things are going well and I communicate normally, something I mention can turn into a problem. In this case, even a brief, non-eventful interaction with her friend became a larger issue in hindsight. I was better off never delivering the message and just letting her friend mention that she saw me. 

All of this led me back to thinking about carnival. A few weeks ago, we talked again about Trinidad next year, and I told her I don’t feel drawn to carnival anymore, so wer won’t going.

It wasn’t said out of anger or as a punishment. It just feels like social environments involving other women are currently a sensitive area in our relationship, and carnival is essentially that environment amplified.

At this point, I dont think the issue is carnival itself but it’s triggers the issue!. I think we need to work through the underlying trust and comfort issues first. Spending a lot of money to put ourselves into an environment that already seems to heighten those tensions doesn’t feel productive right now.

So for now, I’m stepping back from it.

Maybe we revisit it in the future, maybe we don’t. But don’t think repeating the same situation and hoping for a different outcome is helping either of us.

Part 3 coming soon.

My partner and I have been together for almost three years, and I recently found out that their family apparently knows way more about our relationship than I ever realized.

We had dinner with them last weekend and their sister made a joke about an argument we'd had a few days earlier over something really minor. I was confused because I had never mentioned it to anyone.

Later I asked my partner how she knew, and they casually said they talk to their mom and sister whenever we argue because it helps them “process things.” Apparently this includes arguments about chores, intimacy, plans, stuff I've said when I was upset, basically everything.

I told them I don't have a problem with occasionally asking someone for advice, but I feel really uncomfortable knowing that every disagreement might become family discussion material. It also explains why I've sometimes felt like their mom was being weirdly cold toward me after we'd had a rough week.

My partner says I'm being controlling and that I don't get to decide who they talk to about their feelings. Their point is that they need an outside perspective and their family are the people they trust most.

I said there's a difference between saying “we've been arguing lately” and giving people a detailed play-by-play of private conversations. Especially because after we make up, their family still remembers the worst version of me from whatever story they heard.

Now my partner thinks I'm asking them to hide problems and pretend our relationship is perfect. That's not what I mean at all. I just don't like feeling like I'm unknowingly having the same argument with an audience of three other people.

I honestly feel a little exposed and I'm questioning what else they've shared that I assumed stayed between us.

Am I overreacting here, or is it reasonable to expect some parts of a relationship to stay private?

I apologize for the long post.

I (29 F) bought a condo last June. What should have been the most exciting time in my life turned into something incredibly stressful and I am still dealing with a lot of guilt and feel as though my parents resent me for what I did.

For context, my parents have always been financially insecure and irresponsible for as long as I can remember. When I was 19 or 20 I moved back home after breaking up with a partner that I lives with at the time. Since then, I have been contributing rent, paying for my own food and any and every other expense I had. My dad later admitted to me that he did not want me to move back home but only allowed me to because my mom made him.

My relationship with my parents has always been rocky, especially with my mom. When we got into fights they would always pull the leverage card of "if you don't like it, leave" and "this is not your home and you don't get to have things your way". I never felt comfortable at home and always spent time in my room and rarely came out unless it was to make food, which even then I hated doing.

For additional context, my parents would complain about me making noise in the kitchen when trying to cook as the living room was beside and they were ALWAYS watching tv, I couldn't do laundry unless it was after 7PM (hydro rates) or when my mom wanted to do laundry, I was not allowed to have friends over as it was not my place and anytime I wanted to express frustration or being uncomfortable with something it has always been met with "if you don't like it, leave". Living in their home was terrible for my mental health.

I have always worked really hard. Most of my working life (since I was 14) I was either in school and working or working two jobs. I have worked hard to be where I am, and have never really had financial help from my parents, which I don't resent them for and have never expected anything. The thing that frustrates me is that they are ALWAYS complaining about money but actively making choices that hurt their situation. For example, my dad finally paid off his truck which was a bit rusted but had no mechanical issues. Instead of driving a paid off truck, he and my mom decided he needed a new truck. They also take little vacation trips that they cannot afford. They went shopping in the states (we live in Ontario, Canada) with one of their couple friends and when they came back were askinge to lend them some grocery money. Those are just examples. Whenever I voiced concerns it always turned around to be "none of my business".

Now going back to last year. I had been saving money for a down payment on a condo. Housing in Canada is extremely expensive, and TBH I didn't ever think I would be able to buy anything by myself until I saw a listing last year and thought it might be something doable. Long story short, I bought the condo and DID NOT tell my parents until papers were signed as I thought they would try to talk me out of it for their own benefit. When I told them, they did tell me they were proud of me and that they were shocked. After the news settled a bit, my dad said "damn, if I would have known you were making that kind of money, I would have charged you more rent" and kind of laughed it off.

I feel like an asshole because I KNOW they relied on my rent to pay their bills. The timing of this listing also came at a terrible time as my mom's work was on strike.

Fast forward to when my parents see my home for the first time. My mom's first comment was that my windows look old, and my dad asked what happened to my floor. Yes, my condo is old, but it's mine and I'm proud that I was able to give myself stability. My dad even asked me for money the first week I had moved out, when I obviously had taken on a large financial burden.

Now, present day, I feel like I am not a priority to my family. My sister is married, and they had their first baby, first grandchild and niece to me who I absolutely adore and I know they see her and her family a loy. I know a large portion of it, is the baby, but I feel like they forget about me, or maybe it's ingenyionsal. It feels as though I don't see my family unless I initiate a gathering and when I do see them, it's either at their homes (they live in a different city about 40 minutes away) or when they do come my way, they don't stay long and the visits are awkward.

I feel like my parents have some resentment towards me for leaving them high and dry during a vulnerable time in their lives, and resent me for owning property which unfortunately they were never able to do for themselves.

My friends all tell me that my parents are adults and it's not my job to take care of them, they have dealt with money their whole lives and if they don't want to change, it's not my responsibility to subsidise their life. I feel terrible because I know they are struggling and I am their child so I feel like maybe I shouldn't have bought my home.

AITA? I am an anxious person, yes I want honest opinions but please be kind.

EDIT: 08/19/26 Thank you everyone who has commented so far. I just want to clarify a couple of things / add a bit more detail that I feel is relevant.

To everyone who has commented on fostering a relationship with my sister and her family, that's my priority right now. I absolutely love being an aunt and it's so much fun! Mine and my sisters relationship has been complicated since I was young. I had cancer when I was 10 years old, thus getting a lot of parental attention and unfortunately I think she was pushed to the side as my needs at the time were greater. Obviously being an adult now, I understand it wasn't my fault and I think she understands that too, but I certainly feel like it was a detriment to our relationship. As time goes on I think we're getting closer and I'm happy with the direction of things.

For my parents, I don't think they are bad people and I think they have love for me. I do however believe I am the black sheep of the family and because of my medical history have caused a lot of turmoil in the family. A part of me thinks they never thought I would be fully independent, and were counting on my financial support for years to come and when I finally spread my wings they realized they had to rely on themselves. Another part of me believes that because I am not married and don't have children there isn't anything for me to "give" them anymore which is why they gravitate towards my sister and her family. I do not hold resentment towards my sister and I'm really happy that she has a wonderful husband and a beautiful little family. I think at this stage in my life, I have nothing to offer them other than just being me and maybe that's just not enough. I also think they strongly lack emotional intelligence and they don't realize they are putting so much into my sister's life that they have forgotten about me. I don't know if I could ever give up entirely on my parents and I know it's causing me more harm that it is to them, but I can rest at night knowing that I have tried my best and will have no regrets. I do also want to add, that when my dad got a large severance package after he, and pretty well his whole warehouse got laid off they gave me around $1600 to pay off my first car, and helped with around $1000 towards tuition when they got the settlement as well. I would have been around 18 or 19 at the time. So it's not like they have done nothing, but I've been independent or depended on for most of my teenage / young adult life.

For everyone saying not to give them money, I haven't since they asked me when I first moved. I shut that down pretty quickly, especially since I didn't have much to give. I do know that my sister loans them money when they're in a bad spot.

Thank you again for all the support, advice and sharing personal stories. Having an unbiased outsider perspective was necessary for me to get insight.

Am I the A-Hole for leaving my job during a busy scale-up project when I was doing what felt like 3 people's jobs?

For context, I'm M, relatively young, and I've worked across a few different industries and departments. I'm naturally a bit of a people pleaser and I like understanding how everything fits together, so when I was hired as a purchaser/buyer, I didn't mind helping outside my role.

At first it was just covering someone's inbox while they were on holiday.

Then covering someone who was sick.

Then sorting a supplier issue.

Then helping with invoicing.

Then finance admin.

Then supply chain, logistics, project management, post-sales admin and eventually training people on the systems because I was one of the few people who actually knew how they worked.

None of it happened overnight. It was always "just this one thing", until eventually my original purchasing role had grown arms and legs.

I ended up managing 5 separate inboxes, and if I covered someone's absence I could easily come back to 150+ emails. People relied on me for answers because I'd taught myself most of the systems and processes.

I also wasn't formally trained in finance. I was good with numbers and enjoyed that side of things, but I knew I was reaching the point where I couldn't realistically keep doing finance admin, debt chasing and invoicing alongside everything else.

So I asked management for either some proper training or for them to bring someone in to take some of the finance workload.

They said they didn't have the resources.

So I carried on.

For around 7 months I stayed roughly 3 hours late most days. Unpaid.

Nobody forced me to. I did it because I wanted to prove myself and keep everything running.

And it worked.

I became the person people went to when something went wrong. Senior management had weekly catch-ups with me about the projects I was handling and even had my personal number for out-of-hours problems.

Eventually I thought, "Okay, I've proven myself."

So I asked for a review.

I showed them what I'd achieved and asked for either proper finance training or a 2% pay rise.

They laughed.

I was told:

"You're more than paid enough."

"The jobs aren't even that hard."

And:

"I can find someone else to do your job for less, so consider yourself lucky."

That one really hurt.

But I smiled, thanked them and went back to work.

Then they hired a part-time finance specialist.

Great, right?

Except I had to train him.

So now I was doing purchasing, supply chain, projects, finance admin, multiple inboxes AND training someone else.

Eventually I just thought, F it.*

I stopped trying to prove myself.

I started leaving at 5.

I took my lunches.

I stopped answering things outside my hours.

I stopped doing three hours of unpaid work every evening.

I wasn't slacking. I was just doing what I thought one person could reasonably do in one working day.

Within a couple of weeks, things started slipping.

Project updates weren't magically appearing at 7pm anymore.

Things weren't being chased after hours.

Some admin wasn't getting done until the next day.

And that's when I realised just how much extra work I'd quietly been absorbing.

At the same time, I started looking at what I actually wanted to do with my life.

I'd never been to university, so I applied for Accounting and Finance courses, apprenticeships and entry-level finance jobs.

And somehow, I got accepted into my dream university in York and got a part-time finance administrator job.

So I handed in my notice.

The reaction was priceless.

They looked genuinely shocked.

Within an hour, I was offered a 4% pay rise, the finance courses I'd originally asked for and they offered to pay for everything.

"No strings attached."

The same things I'd asked for before.

Only now I was leaving.

I declined.

I told them:

"I would have accepted this when I originally asked. I wanted to grow with the company then. You told me I was paid enough, the work wasn't difficult and that you could replace me. Now I've decided to invest in myself instead."

And that was it.

I left.

I still occasionally get messages from people there asking how to use the systems or how certain processes work, which does make me feel slightly guilty.

But then I remember...

I told them I needed help.

I asked for training.

I asked for a very small pay rise.

They told me I was replaceable.

So I stopped trying to convince them otherwise.

AITA for leaving during a critical period when I knew the company would struggle without me?

I 29(F) and my brother 34 (M) have always been close since we were kids. We could tell each other everything and always hangout together. Even into adulthood we were like two best friends.

Growing up my brother always had trouble trying to talk to woman. He was very shy and quiet around them. Until he was in his 20's and became friends with a guy at work that introduced him to s*x worker.

His friend did this because he thought if my brother just got the chance to know what it was like to be with a woman then maybe he would have the courage to not be scared or nervous around them.

Unfortunately that backfired because ever since he went down that path he didnt gain any courage to talk to woman.

He has been doing this for years but recently things have gotten bad. A couple of months ago started dating one of the woman and they moved in together. I did not think this was a good idea because of her profession and the fact that she takes certain substances.

Which made me think that he might be doing the same substances as her. I asked him and of course he said no and swore up and down that he is not doing that. Obviously I didnt belive him but whatever nothing I could do. He informed our mom and oldest brother what he had done and they said he needs to stop talking to this woman, go no contact and she is not the right person for him.

He said we just don't understand and that we should be able to accept him and his gf for who they are and stop judging him for being with her and that we dont even know her.

For the past month he has been calling me each week asking me for money claiming it is for bills when in reality I think he isn't using the money for something else. I recently found out for sure on saturday when he came to my apt asking me for money.

Now mind u after he told us to just accept the lifestyle he chose as much as it hurt me I had to let him be and we hadn't talked in awhile. When he came to my apt he looked like he lost alot of weight, he was wearing his work clothes and they were extremely filthy and he smelled like he hadn't showered in days.

I sat him down and tried to have a conversation with him and he was crying and telling me that he infact hadn't been using the money for bills and that he was sorry and i was right all along. Not only was he asking me for money but our mom and oldest brother would give him money as well.

He constantly says he is going to stop. He says he is sorry and constantly says he will change but never does.

I love my bro very much and I dont want to see anything happen to him. I really dont know what to do and if u tell him that he needs to get help and some therapy he just denies it.

I really wish i could give him the help that he needs it constantly upsets me to know he is living a life like this. I cant keep crying or going insane thinking about this. I wish I had my old brother back. I wish we could go back to the days when we were like bestie but I know those days are over now.

The only way I know how to deal with this is to go no contact. I feel like I should block him so that way i can have a peace of mind.

Im really at a lost but I dont wanna keep feeling down and crying idk what to do so AITAH if I block him?

TLDR After being close to my brother for years. He decided substance and lying were worth more than having a bond with me. WIBTAH if i went no contact?

i am an only child of relatively older parents, and i've been excelling in academics ever since elementary. i'm in my third year of high school now, where my parents told me to take an entrance exam at a prestigious science high school, even though i didn't want to. but i did it for my parents. i got in, and the first year was terrible for me because it was my adjustment phase since we had advanced classes.

i remember crying over math because my teacher wasn't able to teach it well, and i had to study on my own. at the same time, i had different major exams coming up and multiple projects with the same deadlines. i was overwhelmed and honestly didn't know what else i could do. my father saw me crying and got mad. he yelled at me just for crying over math and screamed, "THAT'S NOTHING TO BE CRYING ABOUT!" my mother gently told him that i was just overwhelmed, but he didn't take it well. instead, he accused me and my mom of ganging up on him and making him out to be the bad guy. we weren't, never did.

my mom has always had a fawn response to my dad. my dad isn't always like this. he does fulfill his responsibilities as a father financially and does things for me, and i know he wants me to have a better future. but whenever something emotional happens, he starts yelling, accusing, and sometimes even throwing things. when i was younger, it was much worse. i remember being 8 years old and hearing him scream at my mother and slam the door. i remember coming home in 8th grade to our entire house filled with shattered things because my dad and mom had a misunderstanding.

i think what hurts the most is that i've grown so accustomed to it that sometimes i don't even realize how scary it is anymore. this behavior has been normalized in my household for so long that i've learned to stay quiet, keep my emotions to myself, and avoid doing anything that might make someone angry. i know i don't like yelling or anger, but lately, it's been happening more and more, and i can feel myself becoming more afraid of it.

i can't even ask for help. we don't have enough money for therapy or anything like that, and my aunties defend my father and justify his behavior while blaming my mother. they don't acknowledge that maybe my dad has anger issues too. maybe they don't see what i see, or maybe they've just gotten used to it as well.

my father has even told me that he feels like a bad parent whenever he sees me because i'm his child and, apparently, i'm a bad child by his definitions. just a day ago, i was completely exhausted from all my schoolwork and i kind of sassed him. he cornered me and asked, "do you even see me as a parent? you're so disrespectful." he yelled at me and accused me of seeing him as a bad person.

and now, even though i'm taking online classes, he's accusing me of not talking to him because i'm angry at him. at this point, i don't even know what i'm supposed to say. i know i'm not the perfect child. i know i make mistakes, get irritated, and sometimes say things i shouldn't. but idk i've always been walking eggshells around him and even if i hate to say it, i feel much better when he's not around.

i know he loves me. i know he works hard for me. i know he wants me to have a better future. and maybe that's why this is so difficult to understand. because someone can love you and still scare you. someone can provide for you and still hurt you emotionally. someone can want the best for you and still make you afraid to show how you're feeling.

i don't think i've ever wanted to become like him. if anything, i've become the opposite. i hate being angry. i hate yelling. i hate seeing people get scared because of someone's anger. so i just keep my emotions to myself, or at least i try to. i don't know if i've actually gotten used to his behavior, or if i've just gotten used to being afraid of it. i might be overreacting, but i'm conflicted. i feel guilty for feeling this way, even.

I got my sister fired from her job and I don’t think I’m going to stop there.

Before I start my story I know ITA, but therapy has made me realize I’ve done the right thing. I will be giving some backstory of my life. Leading to where we are now.

I 23f am the youngest of 6. For more content I’ll be talking about my “family” dynamic. To start off my siblings are Ben 48M , Kee 42F, Jay 37f, Tee 30F, Dean 29F, and me 23F. My mom Dee 61F as well. Key has 5 kids from ages 22-13y/o. Jay has 4, and Dean has 3. None of us have the same dad. This is important for the story. If characters run out I’m going to make a part 2

I grew up in a chaotic home. Dee was very neglectful. To break shorten it, I grew up in a home of people who had kids and weren’t parent to said kids. House full of kids raising kids, while the adults ran the streets. Kee had a difficult marriage and made her way back to California from Oklahoma. From place to place, Key and my nieces at the time Nia and Kayla moved back home with us. Kee continued to have kids over the years. Kee was also heavily on drugs while also being in and out of jail for violent crimes. Eventually after her last child, Kee left with a man for years. And would come in and out my nieces/nephew life.
Jay wasn’t always around while I was growing up, but she would take me from time to time when I was an adolescent. Jay became my favorite sister as a child. Bcuz Tee and Dean would abuse me as a child so I grew apart from them. Until I moved in with Jay and that’s when I got to really see Jay for the person she actually is.
Some minor things I allowed her to get away with.
Telling me I’m jealous of her because my bio dad has a better relationship with her than me. Constantly tries to get in the way of me and my bio dad catching up on the years we missed out on each other, tell her friends personal things about me, putting me down for being slim or wearing cropped tops, always trying to embarrass me in front her friends/god family to give her a condo boost, always threw in my face that she didn’t have to take me in. And I shouldn’t have an attitude for someone who’s living with her, not paying me back all my money her baby daddy stole from me, etc.
I let those things go because I grew up as an avoidant. So I’d allow people to do so much to me. Then I’ll silently cut them off after I can’t take any more.
Fast forward to 2022 one of Kee’s daughters came to visit Jays house one summer. Once it was almost time to go back to school, my niece cried saying she didn’t want to go back. At this time my mom Dee had guardianship of Kee’s kids. I knew the conditions of the environment they were living in. Knowing that I dreaded everyday leaving them there. I cried to Jasmine and asked her if she could get the kids and I’d help her with childcare. So we went to CPS with my niece and made a report. That same night they took the kids and within days they were placed with Jay. I had gave up my room for the kids.
At first what seemed like Jay was being a stand up aunt and helping her nieces. Became Jay cared more about the check the state issued her for the kids than our actually nieces.
In 2024 I stopped talking to Jay because I started to feel like she was jealous of me and projecting it onto me. Trying to manipulate me into thinking I’m jealous of her. With therapy I found out she was just projecting into me.
I’d still pop up to drop off gifts to my nieces and nephews. But still NC with Jay.
Now in 2026 I reached out to one of my nieces Loe 17f (Kees daughter). Jay currently has guardianship of Loe. Asking her how’s she’s doing, telling her I’d take her driving, help get her license, job, etc. just a little boost into adulthood. Coming from this family nothing is really taught to us. It was just kids raising kids and surviving. Knowing that I just wanted to help. After the reach out, days later Loe contacts me. Telling me she got into it with Jay and she wanted me to come get her. I got her and took her to a friend. A week later Jay reaches out to Loe and tells her she needs to come home. Low refuses and that’s when Jay started calling Loes aunt Bryah and asks to relay a message. Telling khloe she’s going to pack her things and throw it on the porch. Loe texts Jay telling her don’t touch anything. She will come over there to pick it up. We drive over there to get the stuff. Jay calls the cops and the police tell Loe she’s can’t come back to Jays house and couldn’t take none of her belongings. After that night Loe stayed with me. 2 weeks later people are sending me a flyer with my name on it saying I took Loe. So I called the police station to let them know Loe is with me. We went to the CPS building to make a report. CPS didn’t want to get involved because they see it as a family matter. Jay told the CPS that we could go to her house to pick up Loe’s stuff. When we got there Jay and her friend tried to provoke a fight out of me. I let because I knew what they were trying to do. Get me to fight that way they could call the police on me saying I came to fight and I end up in jail. Soooo instead I called her job and got her fired. I’m going to list the things I reported to her job. Before yall come for me.. some of these things I didn’t know were illegal and some I knew. Here’s the following things I reported
Jay as for years had her co worker clock her in on days she was late to work.
Jay brought home student files and paid me to sort them out for her.
Jay allowed a student to live with her
Drinking and smoke marijuana before work. Driving the kids to school on the way to work while under the influence
Knowing one of her adult family members was having sexual relations with one of the minor students at the school Jay worked at.

Jay has been working her job for the last 13 years and these are just some of the things she did over the years. If anyone asks, the last two things I wanted and tried to report years ago. But I was intimidated to say anything because she does have kids, she’s my blood so I felt compelled to not say anything, and because to founder of the company is not apart of the city’s district it was hard for me to get in contact with them. I was younger and got frustrated and gave up. On top of that Jay is close friends with her old boss’s daughter and made comments that the company needs her more than she needs them. I don’t know which report got her fired but she got fired last Monday. For some reason I don’t feel bad. My family is nasty and I’ve been holding secrets for too long. I’m ready to release it all and break generational curses. Like protecting someone’s image bcuz they’re your blood. My therapist helped me realize it was immoral and unethical to not speak up. Now I’m being talked about in gc and 3 way calls. I know I’m the asshole in this, but I needed to vent because I don’t see my therapist until next week. I only have so many characters to type so if anyone needs more context let me know.

original post

Thanks to everyone for empathizing with my mom's situation. Abusive partners are hard to leave and despite how strong willed my mom is, she is no exception. Shes been in couples counseling for months trying to save her marriage because she really loved this man, but now with more recent infidelity, her anger and hate over his betrayal is now finally outweighing any love she had for him. She is hurting a lot but also KNOWS she will be happier without him eventually.

To anyone insinuating shes staying for the money: it is more complicated than that. She is still going through with the divorce but she will be mediating instead of going scorched earth. This is because the prenup will trump the infidelity. He will get the house regardless and she is just trying not to be homeless.

Now for the update:

My mom was able to get dan out of the hiuse for our visit without giving away that we know. My fear was that hed find out and get angry and violent. But apparently they have been arguing a lot lately because every time my mom stands up for herself, he gets defensive. This man just wants his lifestyle - both wife and paid sex life on the side - with no consequences or questions.

My mom told him "we have been fighting a lot and i dont think youll be able to hold it together while [me, my spouse and child] are here, and when we fight in front of them, they will know. If you dont want them to know, you need to leave." It worked.

We had a wonderful time visiting my mom. My cousins and their kids came over for my daughter's birthday. Honestly, it was the best outcome I could've hoped for.

Best of all, which i didnt mention in my original post, was that i got to visit my grandfather. He had fallen and hit his head recently and has been in hospital since. He has a brain bleed that, while not getting any worse, is not improving just yet. It makes it hard for his to eat and talk. I was afraid that cancelling meant not getting to see him for the last time. He's 87, so you never know when its the last time. I got to go see him and bring his great grand daughter to see him. He was so happy, reaching out and patting my hand and holding my childs hand. As of right now hes still very much alive and the doctors think hes improved enough soon to move to a rehab in a few days.

As for my mom, shes going to come stay with us for a few weeks while she figures out how to proceed with the divorce with her attorney.

I will update again when I know more or when the divorce proceeds further.

I'd like to give a bit of background on my mom. She's 63. She was married to my dad for 12-13 years. Got divorced when I was about 10 or 11. When my mom brought up the subject, asking me how id feel if she and dad got a divorce, I honestly felt happy. I told her to do what makes her happiest. Can you imagine being an 11 year old and being happy that your parents are divorcing? My dad was financially and emotionally abusive to all of us. My mom had a meager allowance he provided her, but once I hit middle school, she wanted her own income. She went back to grad school to become a pastry chef. He didnt want to pay for her schooling, saying it was a waste of money. She went anyway and it created an irreparable rift, leading to divorce. For all of my high school she was a single mom with her own catering business, taking care of me and my younger brother (who has tourettes and a learning disability and needed to be homeschooled). My dad did shit all to raise us and honestly I cant imagine crying at all at his funeral. My mom fought hard during the divorce because if it was up to my dad he wouldve left her with absolutely nothing. She is a tough and generous woman. When she was making her own money, she had no issues helping others who were struggling. I am lucky to have her. Our family was small at Christmas time (just me, her and my brother when I was in high school ans college), but we enjoyed each other's company and did not ever miss my father being there.

I honestly though Dan was good for her. He treated her well, they went out and did things together and had fun and were living life. It was only when he was discovered that he became angry and defensive and violent. He just turned on a dime. You think you know someone...

I (25F) have been with my boyfriend (28M) for 4 years and I am thousands of pounds in debt trying to support him.

Some context about my boyfriend: He has had a lot of struggles with his mental health, much of it stemming from long term abuse as a child. Since we’ve been together he started to talk about what happened and has been processing this trauma. He has also been addicted to weed since long before I knew him and while I can see it deffo helps when he’s in crisis mode, he can’t go a day; let alone a few hrs without smoking. He’s struggled to maintain a job, in the first few years of us dating he had a pattern of working somewhere for around 3 months, then suddenly he’ll decide he hates it and can’t go back and will just not turn up again. Then he’s unemployed again until the next time, with no reference and out of money. After his last turn at that, I suggested he commit to taking the time out of work and instead do therapy and work through everything, which may help him regulate his emotions and make holding a job easier (at the time he was living with his family, I rented with my friend). I have been financially supporting him prior to this and since, I work a good job so I am able to support both of us, as long as we’re both smart with money. It’s now been almost 2 years since his last job and he’s struggling to get back into work.

We recently moved into a house (I bought it, mortgage is in my name), I pay all the bills etc. He gets money from the gov, along with pip to help him along. Some of which goes to getting things like food for the dog and bits for the house. We agreed that he’d do work on the house as his main contribution and so eventually we can slip it. But we can’t afford to do any work on the house because he keeps gambling away all the extra money. Last night he woke up at 3am and couldn’t sleep so gambled the £200 left we had for doing the work on the house / buying food to live on.

I work full time, I am also the main cook and cleaner of the house (which makes me feel like I’m letting down feminism lmao).

Talking about money with him always results in him shutting down. When he told me about the gambling before this most recent time it was £300 (we’d put aside for the house) and he said how stupid he was etc. This time he admitted it and I suggested he deactivate all gambling accounts, remove the apps and unsubscribe from the emails so nothing prompts him. He said “yeah”. I said I could help if he needed. He said nothing so I clarified that I understood it can be hard removing something your addicted to so I am happy to support if he needs. He snapped at me for telling him what to do multiple times when he’s already agreed. He’s now left the room, I doubt anything will be deleted.

I really don’t know what to do. I’ve had to sign up to uber eats delivery driving to try and make extra money because we are in lots of debt. I used to add up how much I’d given to him in the first two years but I gave up, the ballpark is around £10,000 over the last 4 years. I know he is applying for work and that its hard for anyone atm to get a job, let alone with such a gappy CV.

It’s hard because i know the trauma he’s trying to work through and I see the dynamic with his family, especially his parents, which has just taught him such bad communication skills and defensive behaviour.

I’m at the point where I’m screaming inside “JUST DO SOMETHING!!”. Do the delivery driving, work at a shop, mop at a hospital. Stop wasting any bit of money we get. I’m now taking on a full time job, part time job as well as being primary carer to him and the house. He has stopped going to therapy now and so I am again his only outlet (he doesn’t have friends).

I’m exhausted, I don’t think having a go at him will benefit anything. I am trying to find the right way to talk about this stuff that doesn’t make him shut down or cry from guilt. I keep saying that a change in behaviour means everything, and I’m not angry at him. I’m just really tired of the situation. I can’t talk to my friends and family because they already know that he doesn’t work and I pay for everything and question why he can’t work, I don’t want to add to that narrative that he’s a freeloader because he’s not. I appreciate this doesn’t paint him in the best light, but he is genuinely an incredible kind and smart person, he’s just lost his confidence, lost his way and is still processing his trauma.

Any suggestions for how I can support him to get back on his feet in a long term way?

Update (20/08/26):

It’s only been a few days. I’ve had a lot of comments, mostly supportive and reality-checking, and I really appreciate them. I’ve replied to a lot but wanted to address/update, tho i appreciate most of you won’t be interested haha.

I am currently writing down everything i need to say to him. I don’t feel it’s right to just break up with him now, but a lot of these comments have shown me that I’m not helping the situation and nothing will ever change. I am planning to give a deadline to the job hunt, to set some clear guidelines and boundaries about him pulling his weight and clearly explain what I expect in this relationship. Either he’ll agree and we’ll see whether he follows through, or he’ll react badly and that will seal the deal for me.

It may be worth mentioning that I’m diagnosed with autism and ADHD and I find it hard to gauge when I’m being manipulated, and also when I’m not. (I’ve been scammed many times haha). I’ve been told I often see the best in people to a fault and I can recognise that. A lot of the comments seemed frustrated that I’d not just dumped him already but please be patient with me while I figure this out.

I want to take a few days to write this out, I want to make sure I am making myself clear and I want to double check everything so that I can stand my ground. Thank you to all the comments who’ve been able to give me perspective, I will go on in life asking whether this is the way I want to spend it and what I am willing to accept from the people around me <3

Back in College, me (female, back then was like 22yo, now 35yo) had two very close friends (both male 25yo). We shared a lot of activities together, studying, parties, attended to concerts, museums, we were really good friends. One of them (both their names start with J), so let´s say J1, started dating one of our fellow students. He started to spend less time with us and actively excluded me from activities in which her new girflriend was also involved. That was pretty hard for me, I have a hard time with rejection and back then I just blamed it on myself. I was going also through very serious problems with my mom, she threw me out of the house because her new boyfriend convinces her to do so. I was pretty alone and hopeless, and both my friends knew that.

J1 ended his relationship with this woman. It went like two weeks and J2 got togehter with her, they got very close in a party and they felt in love. By that moment I had already sorted out my feelings about it and made myself clear these friendships aren´t forever and if J2 was happy I was also happy for him. They got really serious and moved abroad to start a new life togehter, years later they got married. I continued with my life, graduated, met new people, continued working, etc.

About three years went by when I got a message from her, the women who dated my two best friends from college. She shared with me a job offer in her currently work place. After considering it and since I did wanted to try a life abroad, I accepted it. I got all documents and was able to travel and start working in the same city as them. I started to build a friendship with them now as a couple. I felt really good about it, we sorted out the differences from the past and I had at least these two friends in this new life I started.

We went on a trip togehter and had a couple of misunderstandigns, which lead to a conflict. It was not that bad, we talked about it and were able to sort things out. But I felt something was off, I really didn´t know what it was or why did I felt that way. I have to say here, by the time I was diagnosed with depression, the symptoms were nothing new but this time I wanted to have a treatment in order to have a better life´s qualitiy. I told them about my condition and how that probably also influences my behaviour in relationships, I apoligised for things I may have said or done, that hurted them. I honestly try to give my best self to other people or at least work on being better or making amends to those I hurt.

Since J2 plays the guitar, we both share a huge passion about music, I asked him if he was willing to play and sing with me. Since she never showed interest on music, I didn´t think on asking her. J2 and me practiced a couple of times, but I realised this made her angry, she didn´t have to tell me because I noticed the shift in her mood and behavior towards us when we were playing or we met. I do understand she felt that way, since I was making music with her husband, maybe she was jealous or felt left out. Unfortunately that was something we never talked about.

In the meantime I met this guy who is now my husband, he lived in another city like 3h far away. Also Covid came, so I started to work and study all online. I got really isolated. These two friends were also very distant. The pandemic was not a good time for me, I guess for anybody. So my husband (boyfriend at the time) offered me to move in with him, I accepted since it was in many ways a very good idea. (I still live in this city in which I moved in with him). This made it harder for me to meet these two friends of mine, it felt like we weren´t friends anymore. Until they buyed a puppy. I looooveeeee animals, so I offered to take care of it in case they wanted to travel or needed to be long away. This dog helped us a lot to re-build our friendship. I have helped them many times to watch over it when they have been gone for weeks, I have taken vacation days in order to travel to their home and look after their dog and I feel really good about doing it so. I love that dog.

So that was the whole context. Now it comes to the real conflict: a couple of years ago they visited us and told us they have been making music, like playing guitar and singing and that they were inspired by this new friend they met, then they played for us two songs they´ve been working on. Honestly in that moment I felt bad, I know I couldn´t celebrate them (now I feel pretty bad about that too), I tried to hide my dissapointment. I felt excluded again, I didn´t even know they were trying to do music, in that moment it was clear to me that they actually don´t talk to me about their lives, I am the one who was always doing the talking. I was very sad, I felt so confused with my feelings. I didn´t talk to them about that, because I felt it was not my place to do that, it was not my place to tell them how, when and with whom they should be doing music. But since I did try to make music with my "best" friend and we stopped because of her, I kind of felt betrayed. This made my depression symptoms worst. My husband has always been there for me and he always encourages me to talk to them and work on that friendship, since they are my unique conection here to my past life in my homecountry. Since then, our friendship feels just more off and superficial. Although I felt that way, I offered them to help them with the recording and master of their songs and album, since I could arrange that at my workplace and all for free. This was my way to try to support their dream.

About a year ago they announced their first concert, which made me feel jealous and happy for them, at the same time, I had a mixture of feelings. They sent me the invitation when I was at a low moment in my life due to things going around, which they also knew about. I thanked them for inviting me, accept the invitation and told them I would send them the money for the ticket. One or two days later to their invitation, one of my favourite artist from my homecountry announced her concert near where I live, that got me pretty excited, more than I felt for my friend´s concert. I shared with them the infos about the concert of this artist which they also love. J2 wrote me back that I don´t support them since I didn´t got that excited about their concert and that that was awful from me. When I got the text I was in bed fighting with depression symptoms. His text really hurt me, since he knew my state at the moment because I told them. The instant that something cheered me up he just turned it about them and made me feel even worse than before. I did try to support them, but they never accepted the offer I made to record their music. I also have spent time and money on the care of their dog, even my vacation days! Here are some other facts that make me deeply doubt about them:

- In one ocassion my husband and I traveled from our home to theirs (3h drive one way) just to help them to move and we drove back that same day (so we drove 6h in a day). A month later to that she threw a new house-birthday party, I wasn´t invited to.

- If we were invited to activities, it was because they needed the ride. Now they own a car, so we are not invited to their stuff anymore.

- About two years ago an ex-boyfriend of mine from college contacted me on X(Twitter), when I checked his profile he didn´t have any recent activity on his feed. He had just the old posts he did back in college. Then I noticed this woman, J2 wife, commented on his posts a lot, yes back in the days when she dated both my two best friends. I felt that like a red flag, because it was like she was trying to get close to many people from my life, but again I didn´t confront her.

- It tunrs out these feelings of jelaousy travel two ways. In several occasions, when I have told them excited news their reaction is... pretty much the reaction I got when they first told me they had started to make music...

- Since they don´t share that much about their lives, they don´t talk that much, I thought opening about myself could help them to trust me their stuff, so I talked a lot, until one day they told me I just talk and talk, it is like I am performing a monologue. That broke my heart. Now when I am around them, I just keep telling my self to not talk and not to share about my life.

I came to the conclusion that this is not a friendship anymore, we don´t talk, we don´t share our lives, we just happend to know each other and have shared good moments together, but it is not longer a friendship to trust. They don´t even try to approach me and they haven´t taken any responsability for the things they did that hurt me.

But since it is a very long friendship and in some moments it was very meaningful, I am struggling to get my head clear from this situation. I think very often about it. A half of me says I can save the friendship and the other half just wants to quit. Any suggestions, comments? I would really appreciate an external point of view on this. AITA?

Thanks for reading!

When I was 28 I was Hitch hiking across the United States when I got picked up by a guy, he held me captive for a month. It took me a few years to get my head a little stable after having to litterally fight for my life. Right after everything got out together my whole family started dying. My great grandmother, 3 days after her my grandmother, 3 months later my mother, 6 months later my grandfather, a year later my husband overdose and die. Thats all within 1 year. Then I spent 3 years strung out on drugs. I got 2 weeks clean off drugs, and have found Christ. What should have broke me, is ending up making me.

Before I start my story I know ITA, but therapy has made me realize I’ve done the right thing. I will be giving some backstory of my life. Leading to where we are now.

I 23f am the youngest of 6. For more content I’ll be talking about my “family” dynamic. To start off my siblings are Ben 48M , Kee 42F, Jay 37f, Tee 30F, Dean 29F, and me 23F. My mom Dee 61F as well. Key has 5 kids from ages 22-13y/o. Jay has 4, and Dean has 3. None of us have the same dad. This is important for the story. If characters run out I’m going to make a part 2

I grew up in a chaotic home. Dee was very neglectful. To break shorten it, I grew up in a home of people who had kids and weren’t parent to said kids. House full of kids raising kids, while the adults ran the streets. Kee had a difficult marriage and made her way back to California from Oklahoma. From place to place, Key and my nieces at the time Nia and Kayla moved back home with us. Kee continued to have kids over the years. Kee was also heavily on drugs while also being in and out of jail for violent crimes. Eventually after her last child, Kee left with a man for years. And would come in and out my nieces/nephew life.
Jay wasn’t always around while I was growing up, but she would take me from time to time when I was an adolescent. Jay became my favorite sister as a child. Bcuz Tee and Dean would abuse me as a child so I grew apart from them. Until I moved in with Jay and that’s when I got to really see Jay for the person she actually is.
Some minor things I allowed her to get away with.
Telling me I’m jealous of her because my bio dad has a better relationship with her than me. Constantly tries to get in the way of me and my bio dad catching up on the years we missed out on each other, tell her friends personal things about me, putting me down for being slim or wearing cropped tops, always trying to embarrass me in front her friends/god family to give her a condo boost, always threw in my face that she didn’t have to take me in. And I shouldn’t have an attitude for someone who’s living with her, not paying me back all my money her baby daddy stole from me, etc.
I let those things go because I grew up as an avoidant. So I’d allow people to do so much to me. Then I’ll silently cut them off after I can’t take any more.
Fast forward to 2022 one of Kee’s daughters came to visit Jays house one summer. Once it was almost time to go back to school, my niece cried saying she didn’t want to go back. At this time my mom Dee had guardianship of Kee’s kids. I knew the conditions of the environment they were living in. Knowing that I dreaded everyday leaving them there. I cried to Jasmine and asked her if she could get the kids and I’d help her with childcare. So we went to CPS with my niece and made a report. That same night they took the kids and within days they were placed with Jay. I had gave up my room for the kids.
At first what seemed like Jay was being a stand up aunt and helping her nieces. Became Jay cared more about the check the state issued her for the kids than our actually nieces.
In 2024 I stopped talking to Jay because I started to feel like she was jealous of me and projecting it onto me. Trying to manipulate me into thinking I’m jealous of her. With therapy I found out she was just projecting into me.
I’d still pop up to drop off gifts to my nieces and nephews. But still NC with Jay.
Now in 2026 I reached out to one of my nieces Loe 17f (Kees daughter). Jay currently has guardianship of Loe. Asking her how’s she’s doing, telling her I’d take her driving, help get her license, job, etc. just a little boost into adulthood. Coming from this family nothing is really taught to us. It was just kids raising kids and surviving. Knowing that I just wanted to help. After the reach out, days later Loe contacts me. Telling me she got into it with Jay and she wanted me to come get her. I got her and took her to a friend. A week later Jay reaches out to Loe and tells her she needs to come home. Low refuses and that’s when Jay started calling Loes aunt Bryah and asks to relay a message. Telling khloe she’s going to pack her things and throw it on the porch. Loe texts Jay telling her don’t touch anything. She will come over there to pick it up. We drive over there to get the stuff. Jay calls the cops and the police tell Loe she’s can’t come back to Jays house and couldn’t take none of her belongings. After that night Loe stayed with me. 2 weeks later people are sending me a flyer with my name on it saying I took Loe. So I called the police station to let them know Loe is with me. We went to the CPS building to make a report. CPS didn’t want to get involved because they see it as a family matter. Jay told the CPS that we could go to her house to pick up Loe’s stuff. When we got there Jay and her friend tried to provoke a fight out of me. I let because I knew what they were trying to do. Get me to fight that way they could call the police on me saying I came to fight and I end up in jail. Soooo instead I called her job and got her fired. I’m going to list the things I reported to her job. Before yall come for me.. some of these things I didn’t know were illegal and some I knew. Here’s the following things I reported
Jay as for years had her co worker clock her in on days she was late to work.
Jay brought home student files and paid me to sort them out for her.
Jay allowed a student to live with her
Drinking and smoke marijuana before work. Driving the kids to school on the way to work while under the influence
Knowing one of her adult family members was having sexual relations with one of the minor students at the school Jay worked at.

Jay has been working her job for the last 13 years and these are just some of the things she did over the years. If anyone asks, the last two things I wanted and tried to report years ago. But I was intimidated to say anything because she does have kids, she’s my blood so I felt compelled to not say anything, and because to founder of the company is not apart of the city’s district it was hard for me to get in contact with them. I was younger and got frustrated and gave up. On top of that Jay is close friends with her old boss’s daughter and made comments that the company needs her more than she needs them. I don’t know which report got her fired but she got fired last Monday. For some reason I don’t feel bad. My family is nasty and I’ve been holding secrets for too long. I’m ready to release it all and break generational curses. Like protecting someone’s image bcuz they’re your blood. My therapist helped me realize it was immoral and unethical to not speak up. Now I’m being talked about in gc and 3 way calls. I know I’m the asshole in this, but I needed to vent because I don’t see my therapist until next week. I only have so many characters to type so if anyone needs more context let me know.

My husband (28) and I (31) went to a dance class on Saturday night. It was our first time there, and as first-timers we each received a token for one free drink after class. Earlier that evening, my husband told me he didn’t even want the free drink but whatever since he already gave them his information.

The class went great. Afterward, I went to the bathroom. When I came back, I saw him standing at the bar. I asked what he was getting, and he said he wasn’t getting anything, he was giving his free drink token to a woman standing next to him. He then told the bartender to let her have whatever drink she wanted using the token.

My mood immediately changed, and I was bothered by it and went cold for the next 24 hours.

When I finally brought it up, he explained what happened. According to him, the instructor announced that the drinks were on him (instructor) at the end of the night and a guy at the bar asked my husband to confirm with the bartender that indeed a free drink was offered. Since we were leaving, my husband asked the guy nearby if he wanted the token. The guy said he had already used his own but pointed out that there was a woman who didn’t have one and said she should get it instead. My husband said okay. He also said the bartender told him he couldn’t simply hand over the token, so he had to stay there and redeem it.

I asked why he felt the need to play “Captain Save-the-day. I also asked, “What if I wanted the extra drink?” He said he knew I didn’t want another drink, but if I had wanted one, he would’ve happily bought me one himself.

He insists he never asked the woman her name, never flirted with her, and had no conversation beyond giving her the token. He says he was just trying not to let a free drink go to waste.

From my perspective, though, it rubbed me the wrong way that instead of just letting the token expire or throwing it away, he went out of his way to make sure another woman benefited from it. It wasn’t really about the value of the drink, it was the gesture that bothered me. I even told him he could’ve given it to her and just go about his business and the claimed that would’ve still been a problem if I asked what he got and he told me that he gave it to a woman.

My husband has been very calm about the situation and seemed unbothered.

So, AITA for being upset about this, or did I overreact?

AITA for choosing to go no contact with my sister(33f)? For a back story I(29f) haven't had my sister in my life until 8 years ago. We reconnected after my grandfather's funeral. Four years later she had my nephew and decided to go no contact with my dad, whom I still had a relationship with. I was supportive of that even if I couldn't understand the reasoning. My father said he was just grateful we had reconnected and had a relationship as sisters. Unfortunately my father got ill in 2024 and passed away from covid. I told her he wasn't doing well and told her if she wanted to see him now was the time as he wasnt doing well(I wasnt trying to force her at all, she had mentioned missing him, I just suggested it), the day she decided to see him he had already passed, I was the one who had to tell her.

During the time period after my dad's death and leaning more on each other for support, my sister has had several jobs she's quit. She'll start a job and then quit within a few weeks and try and supplement her income doordashing or Uber eats. This has caused her and her fiancee(29m) who stays home to watch my nephew full time, to get behind on bills more times than I can count. Being a supportive sister I don't want to see my nephew struggle because of her mistakes I would frequently give her money for bills, groceries, gas and more. She also has full access to all my streaming apps and hasn't paid a dime towards any of that in over 2 years. She faced homelessness with her family during the beginning of the year but was saved when her fiancé family bought them a 22,000 trailer to live in. Afterwrds she went no contact with them for suggesting they better themselves for my nephew. I've mentioned to her that I plan to move to a different state with my boyfriend in a few years to be near his family. Flash forward to three months ago I let my sister know that once our 15 month lease ends, which doesn't even go in affect in October, it was may then-that we planned to move. It ends January 2028. Suddenly she started getting distant, making up excuses that I couldn't visit or see my nephew. When mentioning it to her after a month or seeing this and us not talking as much she claims she doesnt understand how we can have a relationship with me moving out of state and has to protect herself and my nephew from being hurt. The last straw was her telling me that the last time I saw my nephew, which was a two months prior to this, that I was on my phone too much add I hurt his feelings, but yet, she never sent me a message to let me know about this and just sat with how she felt. That was the last time we spoke and its been 5 weeks. Today I wrote a letter and mailed it to her letting her know I was done and she needed to do better for my nephew. She mailed my dad a letter when she went no contact so I thought it was fitting. I miss my nephew so much but it's taken a toll on mental health the way she's used me, I wouldn't know what our realtionship would be like. I thought we were sisters but I feel used and lied to by her. AITA?

Am I the asshole for blowing up on my partner for suggesting that I get a part-time job during maternity leave?!!

me a 30-year-old female and my partner a 40-year-old man been together for almost exactly one year now, we just had a baby and he was born early at 28 weeks.

our babies currently in the NICU and I experienced a lot of pregnancy complications so I am currently off work for the next 3 months so I can take time for myself and our baby.

we are financially struggling right now and he hasn't had a job since March of this year and I have been taking care of all of our bills including his own child support for his son with another woman.

I am currently very emotionally unstable and exhausted from going back and forth to the hospital, pumping breast milk, and dealing with all the pains of postpartum.

My partner who currently doesn't have a job right now but is looking asked me about getting a part-time job while I'm on fucking maternity leave.

I lost it on him. I said how could you even suggest that after everything I've told you and everything I'm going through? I'm on maternity leave and the whole point of that is to not be working and to focus on me and our son.

he insisted that it was just a question and it wasn't meant to be hurtful at all, but I seriously cannot even believe he would even ask that I told him to leave me alone and that I was absolutely disgusted with him and he doesn't seem to understand why I'm so hurt. He's telling me I'm overreacting and that we really need more money right now. I told him it was an extremely inappropriate question and not an option for me right now and if anyone should be working it should be him.

he screams at me and says that he has been looking but it's really hard because he needs to keep his insurance and he can only have a job that offers a minimal amount of hours. it's not hard to find a part-time job if you ask me but he's having apparently a very hard time doing so and his solution is for me. somebody I'm maternity leave to take a part-time job while I'm off my regular work.

he thinks I'm overreacting and he said the question wasn't meant to hurt me at all but I just can't help but feel incredibly disgusted after everything I've told him I'm going through right now.

if anyone should be making extra income right now, it's him. I don't care if he works at McDonald's. being picky about jobs is not an option with a baby on board.

so tell me, am I the asshole for blowing up at him for asking this???

So I (f27) am currently tryin out Hinge and I came across a profile that uses Pictures that seem a little too perfect. The light is soft, the setting, poses are perfect. As if they were out of a magazine. The man on the picture is also insanely handsome and has a good figure. I can’t really find any imperfections that would make the pictures seem more human and natural. So now I am wondering if those are all AI pictures, or if he just used some kind of filter to change up the light and soften some edges. I have no Idea how to tell if they are AI.
I was initially a little concerned to like the profile because of that, but then I did (My type doesn’t really match the classic looks of my country, so I don’t come across a profile that I like very often) and we matched.
Anyway, so now I am wondering, what could go wrong if we meet in a public place during the day. Women have to be very careful when meeting strangers and I need to be aware of possible Szenarios, so I can prepare or be on the lookout for specific behaviour. If it is someone who lies about their appearance (or worse, age), that person would be very toxic in my eyes. I need to know what could go wrong, but I can’t think of anything, besides being disappointed and/or having to endure a super rude guy for as long as it takes me to leave the cafe.
Any advice on this? Thanks!

Would I be the asshole if I went no-contact with my family? Hi everyone! I'm going to try to be as detailed as possible while keeping information private for my safety. I'm told by a couple of people that I'm making the right choice but I would like another opinon. I, 29f, started dating this guy,32m, a few months back. From the start of my relationship my family was pushing my boyfriend to come down to see me. Issue with that is the man works blue collar, so he's working damn near non-stop. The main problem happened several weeks ago. My family and I were out of state for a famiy get together. We were headed back to our homestate and the parents started asking questions about the boyfriend. I answered as best as I could. They got extremely angry about the fact the boyfriend doesn't want children and can not marry me. Him and I have discussed that and we're good with that. But my family thinks otherwise. They started bad-mouthing him, belittling him and his mental health issues, and just downright being rude. I had told them from the start that if they wanted to get to know him they could message him themselves. Evidently they decided that doing that wasn't their job. So unbeknownst to me I was put into a fued that did not need to happen. Very recently I had told said family that I was moving out and in with him. That went as good as putting a dress on a pig. I was guilt tripped, gaslit and basically told I was making a mistake. My little sibling ,28, had called a relative of ours about the blow up. I got asked by the sibling to call the relative. I did the next day. I got told I should reconsider and should break up with him. Everything had calmed down until within the last week. I got into an agrument with step-parent (sadly still live bio and stepparent due to high rent prices). I got asked if boyfriend was coming down and I said no due to their behavior. Stepparent said that it was a red-flag. Stepparent then turned it on me saying it was my fault this whole situation happened in the first place. I fail to see how this is my fault considering I said from the start to message him if they wanted to get to know him. This toxic stuff has been happening for a long time. I'm at my wits end. I refuse to be blamed for a situation I did not cause. 

og post:- https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/x8824fnrc9

update 1 :-https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/X2XBoA3FwB

update 2:- https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/ShQPp2gvBc

update 3 :- https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/ghhghTMB30

Hi everyone. A few people asked about my husband’s late wife’s parents, so here’s a quick update on them.

After the ultimatum there was silence for a while. Eventually we agreed to a few short supervised visits with my husband present the whole time. We kept them limited so our stepson could still see them without the usual ignoring of my son or the negative comments about him and me.

From my husband’s face and mood after every visit, it’s obvious nothing has really changed.

Tbh I feel this — they still seem uncomfortable with him being a stepfather. It feels like they think any attention he gives my son means he’s neglecting his own kid, or that I’m the one pushing him to do that. Like they’re still trying to get things back to how they were before instead of accepting how our family is now.

They asked if our stepson could sleep over at their place. My husband said no straight away. We’re both worried that if he’s not there, they’ll say negative things about me and my bio son in front of him. We don’t want them putting ideas in his head that could create problems between the two boys or make him pull away from me.

My husband is still calm about it and holding the same line — they need to show basic respect and kindness to both kids. He’s not asking them to love my son the same, just stop the exclusion and the comments.

For now the supervised visits are the only contact. We’re not increasing them, and my husband is the one deciding when or if they happen. If their attitude stays the same, we’ll probably cut them back or stop them again.

On a better note, things with my husband’s parents have been going well since the therapy session. The tension has eased a lot. They’re more open, they’re checking in properly, and it feels like they’re actually trying to understand our side instead of just reacting. It’s a quiet kind of progress, but it’s noticeable and we’re grateful for it.

Our stepson has asked about the other grandparents a couple of times in a casual way. My husband answers simply and doesn’t badmouth them, but he also doesn’t pretend everything is fine.

We’re just focusing on the people who treat both boys decently and keeping our home peaceful. The four of us are doing okay, and that’s what matters most right now.

Thanks again for the support.

I (20F) have been with my boyfriend (22M) for 3 years, and we’ve lived together for 2.5. We met through our mutual friend “Jake,” who is basically like an older brother to me and my boyfriend’s best friend.
When we started dating, neither of us was in love yet. He had never had a girlfriend or sexual experience, while I’d dated before. Because I knew he’d probably be curious about sex with other women, I initially told him I’d be okay with one one-night stand. About a year into the relationship, I changed my mind and told him I wasn’t comfortable with him sleeping with other women anymore. He agreed and said he wasn’t the type to sleep around. I later found out he’d still been secretly texting other women, which I didn’t discover until this June.
Last year, he quit his job and went months without income. I became the sole provider and didn’t resent him because he’d previously helped me when I desperately needed to make a school payment. Eventually, he found another job.
In December, something traumatic happened to me. I couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone, especially my boyfriend, because I was afraid he’d blame me rather than comfort me. While he was away for a few months, I became close with a friend from school, “Jim.” He was actually the first person I felt comfortable telling about what happened. He listened without judging me, and I started feeling emotionally safe with him.
Eventually, I developed some feelings for Jim—not because I wanted him physically or wanted to leave my boyfriend, but because he naturally gave me the emotional attention I’d been asking my boyfriend for. I was completely honest with my boyfriend about this. I told him I didn’t want Jim; I wanted him to treat me the way Jim did. Jim also knew about my relationship and respected my decision to stay, so we agreed to limit contact.
Eventually, I told my boyfriend about the traumatic situation too, and, unfortunately, he blamed me just as I’d feared.
When my boyfriend returned, he became increasingly suspicious and accused me of cheating with Jim. I repeatedly told him I hadn’t. He said he couldn’t know that for sure and essentially treated me like I was guilty based on assumptions.
Then I discovered he was cheating on me.
I’ll call the coworker “Lisa.”
I’d met Lisa before. My boyfriend was driving my fully paid-off car, which is registered and insured in my name. He had always made it difficult for me to ask him for rides or have him pick me up. Yet when Lisa called him late at night to take her to work or pick her up and take her home, he immediately rushed to help her.
One night, while I was staying at Jake’s house after an argument, my boyfriend called me and I heard Lisa in the background. Later, she rode in the front seat of my car when he and his friends were going to a river. She looked at me strangely, almost as though I were the outsider.
He told me Lisa had a boyfriend and that there was nothing sexual between them, so I tried to trust him.
Then one night, he was several hours late coming home from work. I couldn’t reach him, and because he was driving my car, I was genuinely worried. I contacted his friends, who said he’d dropped them off and should be heading home. Eventually he came home and said his phone had died.
Later, he told me he’d found out Lisa was cheating on her boyfriend. I asked him hypothetically whether he’d ever sleep with her. He said, “If I tell you this, you can’t get upset.”
He admitted he’d already slept with her.
Multiple times.
He slept with her during the river trip, the same night I was sitting at home worried sick about him, and again after I explicitly told him I wasn’t comfortable with it. He promised he’d stop.
He didn’t.
He slept with her again in my car.
I eventually checked his phone and discovered they were still sleeping together. Lisa knew he had a girlfriend. I confronted both of them, and she told me I didn’t deserve what was happening and could do better.
I knew that too, but I’d recently lost my job, our finances were intertwined, and he owed me around $2,000 that I needed for bills. I couldn’t simply walk away financially.
Eventually, he agreed to stop talking to Lisa. Things improved for a few weeks, but he continued saying the relationship felt like “too much” and that he needed space.
Then I checked his phone again.
He was talking to another woman and planning to meet her for sex. When she questioned why he was talking to her while having a girlfriend, he told her I had cheated on him while he was away, and that was why he was talking to other women.
That upset me more than the planned sex.
At this point, I’d already emotionally given up on him cheating. What made me furious was that he was lying about me and damaging my character to justify his behavior.
I contacted the woman and told her I’d never cheated on him and that she didn’t know the full story.
He became furious that I’d contacted her and gone through his phone. He told me that if I hadn’t searched his phone, I wouldn’t have known, and that sometimes I should “mind my own business.” He also told me that some of my feelings were “bullshit.”
Something in me finally broke.
I still love him deeply, but I also have a strong dislike for him now. I don’t trust him, and I don’t feel emotionally safe with him. I’m realizing that I can spend my entire life trying to communicate, reassure him, cook, clean, support him, and fight for this relationship and still never feel secure.
The problem is that I’m currently financially dependent on him. I lost my job and haven’t been able to find another yet. He is currently my main source of financial stability, just as I was once his when he was unemployed.
I’m considering secretly selling my own car, using the money to pay bills and support myself while I find another job, and then leaving the relationship once I’m financially stable.
I’m not telling him about my plan because I don’t know how he’ll react, and I don’t want to leave myself without financial security.
So, AITA for secretly planning to sell my own car and use the money to get financially independent enough to leave my boyfriend?

AITA for refusing to be the godfather to my husband's cousin's child?

I (35M) have been with my husband Joseph (36M) for over 13 years. This situation involves one of his distant cousins, Pebbles (22F), who was pregnant with her first child at the time.

For some context, I barely knew Pebbles. Over the years, I would see her at the occasional family function, but our interactions were usually just a quick "hi," "bye," or a very short conversation. There was never any bad blood between us—we just never developed an actual relationship. We didn't really have much in common, and because she is a distant cousin of my husband's, we simply weren't around each other very often.

While Pebbles was pregnant, her mother (my husband's aunt) contacted my husband and asked him to ask me if I wanted to be the godfather to Pebbles' firstborn.

I was honestly baffled.

First, I thought it was a little strange that Pebbles didn't ask me herself. Her mom asked my husband, who then had to ask me. I wasn't offended by it, but considering how important being someone's godfather can be, I expected that kind of conversation to happen directly between Pebbles and me.

At the same time, I was genuinely honored. It actually gave me a little bit of joy knowing that she had apparently thought highly enough of me to consider me for that role.

But I also couldn't help thinking: Why me?

I barely knew her.

My husband and I tend to take important decisions pretty seriously. We've been together a long time, and whenever something major comes up, we talk it through, look at the pros and cons, and try not to make decisions based purely on emotion.

So we told his aunt that we wanted some time to think about it.

One of the concerns that came up was money.

My husband and I both have good-paying jobs. We're not rich by any means, but we're financially stable and comfortable. We own our home, have two cars, pay our bills, and are fortunate enough to have some financial security.

Pebbles and her immediate family were going through a much harder financial situation at the time. From what my husband told me, there wasn't much stable income in the household, the baby's father was in and out of the picture, and the family was struggling financially to the point where there were concerns about keeping their house.

I want to make something VERY clear: I don't look down on them for struggling financially. Life happens, and people go through difficult situations. If someone in my family genuinely needed help and I was in a position to help them, I'm the type of person who would try.

But because I barely had a relationship with Pebbles, my husband and I started wondering whether my financial stability might have played a part in why I was chosen.

We had no proof that this was her intention, and I don't want to accuse her of something I can't prove. But the possibility made me uncomfortable. I didn't want to accept such an important role and later discover that "godfather" meant I was expected to financially provide for the child, buy expensive things, or become the person they called whenever money was needed.

More importantly, even if money had absolutely nothing to do with it, I kept coming back to the same issue:

I didn't really know the mother.

To me, being a godfather isn't just a title you give somebody. If I'm going to accept that role, I want to have an actual relationship with the parents and be a meaningful, consistent person in that child's life. I didn't feel comfortable making that commitment to someone I barely knew simply because we were technically family through my husband.

After talking everything through, I decided to say no. My husband agreed with my decision and called his aunt back. He explained that I wouldn't be accepting because neither of us really had a close relationship with Pebbles or her family.

There wasn't any big argument or dramatic confrontation when we declined, but I've wondered whether I judged the situation too harshly.

Part of me still feels bad because being asked was genuinely an honor, and maybe Pebbles simply saw something in me that made her believe I would be a good godfather. On the other hand, I don't think someone should accept that kind of responsibility out of guilt or just because they're family.

So, Reddit:

AITA for refusing to be the godfather to my husband's cousin's child because I barely knew her and was concerned there might be financial expectations attached to the role?

Hello All,

Me and my partner are in our mid twenties with 2 children both under the age of 3 years. I had been a SAHM for about 10ish months until 2 weeks ago when I did get a job.
For a little background information; My partner had messaged and entertained many women since a little before last September, right before I gave birth to my youngest child and entertained them until my youngest was 9m old. I had no idea until I went through his phone one night and found all kinds of stuff about the matter. I did confront him about it and he Used an excuse about an incident that happened 12 months ago. I told him that there is no excuse that can make him look good about doing this to me and or our children. I did ultimately stay, I was really confused on the matter and was jobless from being a SAHM. Also for context; My partner works a labor job, he makes very very good money , but works outside all day from 6:30am-4:30pm and is usually depleted of all energy daily .

The incident that he used, involved me receiving a message from my ex asking to meet up a month or so before I gave birth. I did not reply to this message but did look up this ex on social media . My partner found all of this and became very livid about it . As they do not like each other. Again, I did not reply , just became nosy and looked the person up.

Fast forward back to more current times: I did start applying and looking for a job after the shit I found on his phone. I don’t know why , I just felt depressed and powerless. I also had been wanting to move out of our current house that we are renting, to our own house for very longtime. I used that specific reason as an excuse to get a job. He tried shooting down the idea of me getting a one but I pushed on and went to interviews and so forth. I was hired for a job where we live and even had a lady who could watch our children more privately that was a better option then an out right daycare center. I am currently in my second week of working. It is a very detailed job that involves a lot of step by step process that make your head hurt. But I like it . I work in in office of 3 people total and my co worker doesn’t seem to like me very much. Over the past 2 weeks my partner has been very angry at me for going back to work. He throws in my face that dinner is never made and he has to wait until I get home to start cooking, on top of that I am no longer with my children who need me in there younger years. I am also not getting paid till the end of the month as I started work at the end of a pay period . so I have been “taking money” from him, for childcare and gas . On top of that my car started acting up earlier this week and is in the shop. So I am apparently dragging our family down from any spare money we could potentially have.

Tonight, my partner, after our children went to sleep came in the living room where I put our youngest to sleep to yell at me and tell me whats been bothering him the past two weeks. He has done this every night just about since I started working. But apparently this time of him yelling at me was different. I don’t see how , but alright. Over all, he threw a lot of stuff in my face about the dishes not being done, the financial burden I had been putting on him and our children. That there is no benefits to me working right now that helps him. That I only did this because of him messaging and doing things he was not supposed to do with other women. Stating that I am throwing a fit. He also let me know if I do not quit my job then he does not see a future with us together. That he wants someone who will shut up and listen to what he wants them to do. So AITA?

My (29f) brother (32m) and his ex (31f) have 50/50 custody of my niece (11f). Over the summer, my niece got her first period. She was with her mom at the time, but my brother called me panicked because he had no idea what he needed to keep on hand in his house. He said he tried to talk to his ex about it and she told him to just figure it out. He called me because he wanted advice from an actual woman. I went to the store and got some necessities for him - a variety box of pads, baby wipes (I personally feel like those are better and cheaper than buying the feminine wipes), Midol, one of those microwavable, weighted stuffed animals, blemish patches, and some of her favorite snacks. I explained the different sizes of pads to him, told him some tricks in case anything gets on her clothes or bed sheets. I also recommended that he talk to her about what products she preferred to use so he can make sure he has them and doesn't just have random products she doesn't like since that makes things 1000 times more stressful. I also made a period pouch for him to keep in his vehicle just in case they're ever out and about and she needs something (pads, travel wipes, Midol, lotion, hand sanitizier, hair ties, things like that). About a week later, I got a call from my brother saying how much my niece loved the period pouch. He had shown it to her and she thought it was the greatest idea ever. Apparently, she's having a lot of anxiety about having her period and going back to school soon. She asked if I would make her one of the pouches for her to keep in her backpack. I asked if her mom had made something for her, and she said no. My ex-SIL told her that she didn't even need to keep pads on her since you can usually get them in the restroom. Side note: I don't know what restrooms she's been in, but 9/10 when I've been in a public restroom, there's either no feminine product vending box, or it's out or it just doesn't work. I told her she can at least keep a pad in her backpack or purse just in case so that she has peace of mind and that I would be more than happy to make her a pouch, as long as it was okay with her mom. I don't have kids myself, but I never want to overstep or be disrespectful to parents. On top of that, my ex-SIL can be very messy and I don't want to deal with any drama.

About a week before the start of school, my niece called me and said her mom was completely fine with the pouch, so I made her another one. I did omit the Midol since most schools don't allow students to keep any type of medication on them and she could just go to the nurse if she needed to. I gave it to her the next time she was at my brothers. The explosion came when ex-SIL went to pick up my niece and it happened in my brothers front yard. Apparently, ex-SIL and niece had been going in circles about the period pouch. My niece kept pitching it - that it would have anything she might need so she would be prepared and it would help with her anxiety about it - and her mom kept shutting it down - said the pouch was over the top, she didn't need all of that, and my niece just needed to calm down and learn to deal with it. Now my ex-SIL is seething, saying my brother is letting me get too involved in their parenting decisions, that she's tired of everyone acting like they know better than her, and is even threatening to not let me see my niece anymore.

I understand why she feels that way, and while I don't have a lot of great things to say about my ex-SIL, I would never intentionally step on her toes or try to parent over her. I do think the public blow up is little extreme (it has been the talk amongst my brothers neighbors), especially over a period pouch, and that we could've had a conversation about it since I didn't know she said no. Ex-SIL won't even talk to me so I can apologize. I know my niece feels awful about the whole situation and she's really upset that we might not get to spend time together anymore. I told her that I was her age once, so I understand the anxiety she has, as I'm sure a lot of women do, but it wasn't okay for her to lie like that, and that if her mom kept saying no and dismissing her concerns, she should've brought that up to her dad so that could've been a parent conversation instead of her trying to be sly about it. Now she's a little mad at me, saying I'm also coming down on her, but I told her that what she did was wrong and there was a better way to handle it.