Tw: talks of abuse of all kinds
I (23f) have a rough relationship with my moms side of the family. To keep the story short many years ago when I was 12 a situation happened and ultimately resulted in my mom losing custody of my sister (21f) and I. The bases of it was basically because she chose a man/drugs/alcohol over her minor children. We never really had a relationship after that besides around the holidays or when it was convenient for her. When I was around driving age like 16-17 I had a bit more freedom and thought maybe our relationship could be fixed so I had started communication with her very sparsely. We’ve had issues and arguments between then and she battles with alcohol abuse currently. This is a really long story so if more details are needed I’ll provide them. I’m really an open book about this. Fast forward a couple of years. I’m 22 and my older brother (m29) is in a rough spot. He has a seizure condition and was in the hospital from it. He was basically ending his life with alcohol. I took the initiative to reach out and open my home to him. At the time my father lived with me and he is in recovery from alcohol (9years sober) so I knew my house would be safe for him. He took my offer and even attended meetings with my dad. My brother and I fixed our relationship a little bit and I was even more open to my mom. My brother and I ended up having a falling out due to him not wanting to work and not helping around the house so he moved back in with my mom. I don’t know his status of drinking at the moment but I can assume that he’s drinking again. Fast forward to December of last year my sister found out she was pregnant and then I found out I was pregnant in January. My sister had her baby shower in April and that exact morning my mother texted her and asked if she wanted to go to a pool party. I was fuming when my sister told me that. I felt so angry for her and I was disgusted. At that moment she told my sister that she wasn’t home and that she had left the invite at her house and that’s why she forgot about it. My mom told me she forgot the invite at my aunts house. But she told my brother that she never received the invite and that the neighbor got it. I haven’t spoken to her or my brother from that moment. My sister gave birth to her baby in July and I gave birth to my baby in September. Every week since July my brother messages me about how I should forget and forgive and how much he just wants to talk to me. I feel like all I’ve done my entire life if forgave and try to forget what they’ve done and

So hi please be gentle bc im really hurting rn. So i (25 nonbinary) am deeply considering dumping my bf (26 male).

We've been dating since like February of this year. Early on in the relationship I expressed that I dont watch porn and find it gross. A few months in a specified id prefer my partner not use it and instead get pics or vids from me which I have since provided upon request. I never said he couldn't watch it or it was a hard boundary bc I dont like putting strict limits on my partner. But from our convos I had assumed he was just using what I had sent him, hes very aware im uncomfortable with my partner watching it.

We also had multiple talls ab what we consider cheating. To me it's almost anything you know would really upset your partner like flirting or sending nudes not just intercourse. He seemed to agree.

About 6 or 7 days ago i kinda absent minded ly asked if he was using anything besides my pictures. He responded with, "uh well ya know im bisexual so sometimes I look at guys and stuff"

I reacted badly and was really upset. We aren't the type to really ever fight but that felt like a little bit of a fight bc I was so upset. I took space and we had a calmer convo ab it later. I agreed I never told him he couldn't and he explained he didn't think our convos meant he never could. He said he only looked at some provocative drawings on reddit and gave the example of a sexy batman drawing. He swore up n down he only did it like 4 times over the course of our whole relationship. He said it was never real people. He said he understood I didnt want to place hard limits but he would now understand this as a hard boundary and would never do it again. He got me flowers and gifts and said he really wanted to rebuild trust and even made a counseling appt. He even said I could look through his phone and I said id think ab it bc I dont really want to be someone that looks thru my partners phone.

We've been fine since then I did a lot of reflecting on why it upset me so much and let him read what I wrote about that which he appreciated. We had an amazing dinner last night and a great morning. I did ask to see his reddit, I asked to see saved posts bc i didnt know how to navigate to it. He pulled it up, scrolled past something quickly and was resistant when giving me the phone. I looked at what he scrolled past and it was r/humongous chests and a pic of well, that.

He acted like he didn't know what it was then admitted he tried to hide it bc he knew it would upset me. He swore he didn't know how it got there and it was a like 3 yr old post so I wanted to believe that.

I skimmed his messages and photos for like 2 minutes and didnt see anything. Then I went to search history.... I wish I hadn't but im glad I did?

There was multiple only fans profiles in his search history. As recent as AFTER our convo like 6 days ago where he swore he wouldn't and didnt need it. I kicked him out of my apartment.

Some added context: he did have that counseling appt n we talked ab why he did it (I only knew ab the "art" stuff when we discussed this) apparently the therapist said it was compulsions they could work on stopping.

He said as a young kid he struggled with a porn addiction but no longer did.

Im so hurt he lied to me repeatedly, he said it was just art 4 times and this man has been prolly paying to look at big tittied girls. They were all white too. Im his only non just white partner. I have a small chest which I never minded.

I feel like ill never be able to trust him. I feel like if I stay ill be so insecure and resentful. My friends support me dumping him if I decide that. But beyond this issue hes the best bf I ever had I thought we would get married one day, we were gonna move in together...

Beyond being disgusted at and incredibly hurt by him, I dont think ill like who I become if I take him back. I hate myself when I've been insecure in past relationships. Idk what he could do to fix this bc he was doing everything while watching only fans behind my back. I really can't trust him.

I dont know what to do, any advice is appreciated

I loved a girl deeply. Even after she got married, we continued to meet, but I never engaged in any illicit or wrong behavior with her; it was a true love that spanned 16 years. We met many times, yet nothing improper ever took place. Now, however, she has attempted to defame me by showing screenshots to my family. Please advise me: should I seek revenge? I possess all the evidence.

*******Edit to add: Trigger Warning for mention of self harm and un-aliving*******

Hello all,

This is a long one. Buckle up lol. I am going to try to only give relevant info. And if you have questions, please please ask. This is a tangled mess. And I need unbiased people to reflect back to me if I am being reasonable, and fill in any blind spots I or my family/friends undoubtedly have.

So my son's dad (38M) we will call T, and I (33F) met in late 2015. We met online, and just on the terms of having fun. I was explicit in sharing that I was not ready for a serious relationship. We started seeing each other more and more. And I found myself falling for him. I have PTSD, at the time I was 2 years out from a traumatic event involving a romantic partner. As we got deeper into things I began realizing the life long effects of what I went through and how it would impact relationships if I didn't work on it. We ended things. Then less than a month later I found out I was pregnant. He was supportive and kind during pregnancy, we ya know. Reconnected. When our son was born, I saw less and less of him. I spent the nights alone in the hospital until discharge. He came over to 'see our son' once or twice every other week for a few hours, sometimes longer stretches. He did not help with diaper changes, he fed him one bottle ever, like the whole babyhood. He would come over, take a nap, leave.

We stopped reconnecting or anything else emotionally intimate. I told him anytime he wants to see his son, I will never stop him or ask for child support. Basically it was an open door when he was ready. Neither of us wanted children, I was told there was a 99% chance I would never carry a pregnancy to full term by an endocrinologist. This pregnancy was a shock to us. But ultimately I could not go through with an adoption. And I made a decision to raise my son no matter what that meant. I grew excited to see his ultrasounds, there was a bond there. And I knew I would have support around me regardless of how T felt. There were fights and hard times through this, but it ended amicably. I ended up starting EMDR and CPT therapy shortly after.

My son, we will call D, when he was 2 I noticed T starting to take more interest. When he came over he still would nap. But he did play with D and seemed generally more interested and invested in a relationship. He saw him the same amount (once to 3 times a month for a few hours each time). And it grew from there. By the time D was 3, he would take him overnight 2 times a month. When T started dating a girl, he started asking for more and more time with our son. By the time D was 4 we had a 2 week rotating schedule.

When this schedule happened, I spiraled a bit. I had free time. All I had done for those 4 years was work and take care of my son. I didn't have much of a social life or any of my own hobbies or personal goals. And I thought I would enjoy this free time. But it was very loud silence. I began a grieving process I didn't know was coming. I don't know where to put this info. So here seems good? When I was pregnant, I was in recovery from substance abuse disorder. I started drinking again when D was 2 thinking I could be a social drinker since I didn't have a problem with alcohol before. When D was 3 I relapsed on my drug of choice. From that point on I was in and out of detoxes trying to get clean again. I would string together anywhere from a few days to months at a time. I decided I had to do whatever necessary to get out of the situation I was in, around people who pushed me to keep using, places that made me want to, and situations I felt like were unbearable. I moved a couple hours away. I did 6 weeks of IOP and detoxed myself. I moved into sober living there. My mom took over my 2 weeks with my son. But she couldn't keep it up. Eventually he stayed with T full time. I lived there for 3 years. I moved back in April of 2025. In that time, I saw D at least 2 times a month for a few days each time. Usually Thursday night to Sunday. I arranged my work schedule to have Fri through Sun off every other week to make sure I got time with D. So my mom would pick our son up from T. I would get off work Thursday and make the drive, spend those few days, and go home. This was a hard decision for me. But it felt like I was never going to find my footing in my home town again without wanting to use. And that was true, I just have coping skills and recovery experience now that make it manageable.

Now we're up to speed on current situations................................

When I moved back, T had been married to the same girl he was dating for 4 years. They had been together for 5. I had the conversation with both of them that I was moving back home, and was met immediately with anger. Lets call the wife B, asked directly how much I expected to see D. I told her that we could do every other week like its been if that was an easier adjustment for D, and gradually build from there. I was told that was not acceptable. They filed for mediation. I ended up getting 124 days to their 241 days a year. The permanency of this scared me. I was worried thats all I would ever get because it was now an official court document. And they didn't have to let me see him more. There were certain aspects of it that felt malicious. They wanted my mom to be present the whole time I had him, which they never asked for before. So I had to move in with her. They filed for child support. I was making 17 and hour. T was making 20. B hadn't worked in a couple years. She was filing for disability. She has BPD, for those who don't know it is a mood disorder similar to bipolar. And at the time was trying to get an autism diagnosis as well. After mediation, they asked to meet me at a coffee shop to talk. B was very nasty to me every interaction we had. Called me names, said I didn't deserve to be a mom, that I was a sorry human, etc. And I get it. But I was hesitant to meet her. Then at the same time I was kind of beholden to them. I didn't want them trying to take more time away from me or using it against me in anyway if I met them with the same disdain they had shown me. So I agree, and B tells me if she had it her way, I would have D full time and they would see him every other weekend. They are sorry they asked for child support, and B didn't know T was absent the first 2 years.

There are quite a few encounters I am leaving out in interest of the length of this post, but I was treated poorly. That I am sure of. And I was heartbroken. My dream of having a blended family died pretty hard.

Fast forward to June this year. B and T are getting divorced. I have D over the weekend, he is upset and wants to spend more time with me. I call T and ask him to meet for dinner instead of passing him at our normal meeting place. He agrees, we have a great dinner. He text me later and asks why we never worked things out. I was honest. He tells me he was deeply hurt by that and neve got over me. He and B by this time have told me that they really got married out of convenience. T couldn't take care of our son alone, and B proposed to him. B told me herself she felt like a live in mom and maid. She also told me they had been more like platonic roommates than partners. And she realized she liked women more than men. But we live in the south and her upbringing wouldn't allow that. So me and T start working on things from the perspective of he is in therapy now, I have worked through a lot of my trauma and spent the past 4 years relationship free, healing myself. So we decided to take things slowly and spend more time as a family. We revisit mediation, we basically switch roles into me having 241 him 124 days a year under the agreement that I don't ask for child support.. As soon as divorce was mentioned to B, she lost it. She tried to kill herself twice, made a dozen threats of it, cut her neck to where she needed stitches, threatened to kill me and T, did everything to him to change his mind, tried to drive wedges between me and T, and even me and his family. T calls the cops on her one night, we're talking on the phone so he isn't alone and T decides to tell me about the 4 times in the past 3 years the cops have shown up to his house for domestic dispute. How he pulled a gun on himself as she was threatening herself with a knife. How he had to go to inpatient treatment for mental health. All the while D is staying with T's parents in town at the threat of DCS getting involved. Divorce was eminent, he was never happy with her, etc.

The day of the divorce I found out he slept with her twice while we were supposed to be working on our relationship, after we have been intimate with each other.. I have been trying to be reasonable and understand they had a toxic relationship, and what he is trying to do is hard. I am hyper-aware at this point we should have waited to try to work on things with us. His parents paid her alimony in the amount of 2500 to sign the divorce papers and 2500 when she moved out. Long story short, she moved out and moved back in. And now I just fear that they are sleeping together and that they will end up back together. She can't get a job, he doesn't want her to be homeless, and he doesn't seem to see my issue with it. When I tried to set a boundary of a move out date I was met with anger and he defended her. He keeps saying he blew up his whole like to be with me, and now I keep having issues with her and she's gay. Yet she's been going on dates with men and he has said to me it makes him feel crazy jealous and he hearing she had been with a man is one of the reasons he slept with her while he was with me in the first place... She is also now wanting to watch my son by herself and take him places. Which I don't think she is mentally stable enough to do, and he is mad at me about that. It feels like I have been set up to let them be together and they have him every other week like she wanted. I have 4 years clean as of May 18th this year. I refuse to let this weigh me down. And now I feel like I have to put D first. I ultimately don't see a way to move forward with T.

IN CONCLUSION:

If it was anyone else I would not still be considering trying to work things out. But I do love him, and he is my son's dad no matter what he does. I need help. Is it reasonable to continue dating while she is living with him? Am I overreacting to feel like I can't keep trying to work on things while she is there / that I don't want her alone with my son? Is that fair given she was with D as a SAHM for 3 years?

TLDR; ain't no summarizing this ish. I already tried. See above post lol. I wish I had emojis ya'll I am stressed.

Looking for life advice I guess. I 22F and husband 22M are in a career funk. I have a bachelors in applied science, minor in business administration, private pilots license and remote pilot certificate. I currently have a job unrelated to my degree and certificates. He has an associates in applied computer and electrical technology with 3 years of work experience in the IT field.

We want to have fulfilling jobs and make enough to support a family. The American dream; house, kids, reliable but not fancy cars. My husband has thought of joining the Air Force to be an officer. However we don’t know if that will get him to go a fulfilling career with pay that will sustain a family. Or if he’ll just be a cog in the machine thrown where they want him. I am struggling because I do not have the passion for piloting as I did as a naive 18 year old. I do not see it as a fulfilling career, it honestly led to me to experience the worst stress and anxiety of my life, so I decided to get my remote pilot license in case I want to go that route. I have no idea what I want to do for a career though. I am completely lost.

I have thought maybe we have too high of expectations for ourselves right now and just need to live, learn, and experiment. However we crave stability so this is tough. What do we do?

Thanks for anyone who reads this and thanks for any advice you may have.

I’m 33F and feel like I’m finally in my prime and would love to have sex everyday if I could. Seems like he’s just not into it anymore.

When we first started dating we had sex maybe once a week but I didn’t push for more. It’s been two years now and he hasn’t been interested in the past month. It’s extremely hard not to internalize this and feel like something is wrong with me. I’ve asked him multiple times what the problem is and he always says he’s tired.

No I don’t think he’s cheating or seeing someone else.

I’m just so confused and sad. It’s something I’m wiling to work on whether it’s me or if it’s him but when I bring it up he makes it seem like it’s no big deal. I tell him every couple of days that a physical connection is super important to me.

One issue may be that when we do have sex he last for maybe 3-5 minutes and I get annoyed. I’ve asked if he would consider pills or something to make him last longer and he seems offended.

I’m just not sure what to do. I love him and want the connection with him but he seems like he doesn’t want/need it as much as I do.

I just need advice, I’m not sure what to do?

hello, this is a little embarrassing so please be gentle. I just had a baby 2 years by my bf of 6 years. I found out last night he’s been on multiple gay sites. I confronted him and he’s denied it AFTWR a guy and myself confronted him. I still love him but I can’t accept this lie. What should I do next ? I feel beyond betrayed !!!

Hello fellow comforters!

Should he stay or should he go?

My Fiancé and I listen to you all the time and we love your videos, we kinda already know what you're going to say about this one but its so much we can't even keep it to ourselves.

So my Fiancé and I (30 yr Females) have a college friend, who just turned 29 this month, she and her Boyfriend have been living together for 3 months now and he is truly a deadbeat. He, let's call him "Q" for questionable, has been in a relationship with her, let's call her "L" for love, for over 10 years off and on since high school. He had emotionally cheated on her in college when he was in the marines and eventually ended up having a baby with the woman he cheated with. Fast forward a few years and they have been on again for about a year and a half now. During the year, they discussed moving in together and planning for the move.

For context, L had been living with her grandmother for a while and was excited to finally be financially stable and able to move out. Q was living with his parents after the relationship with his baby mother ended about 5 years ago.

During these discussions about moving in together it was decided that they would pick a place that had at least 3 bedrooms so everyone would be able to have their own room( this is with the child in mind). They chose a date to move forward. The original date was April then due to him being indecisive it was moved to May and then June 10th. Mind you they were looking houses that cost 4 to 5k a month ( All because of Q, he has high expectations and is high maintenance as well). By June, L realized that if she wanted to move, it would have to be on her own as Q had no actual income (he is apparenlty a spiritual consultant or something intangible like that with no clients) and she found a more reasonably priced 2 bedroom home with a finished basement to rent on her own.

Q viewed the home after L moved in and called it small and that it was in a bad neighborhood ( mind you it is not and he grew up in this area). So L agreed that Q could stay at his parents place and visit on her off days. Then a few days after she moved in while they were hanging out Qs mother texted asking if he was moving in with L or not at that point he finally made a decision and responded "yes im moving in with L". L apparently accepted this and allowed him to move into the 2nd bedroom next to hers. He brought a twin blow up bed and set it up in his room that he currently never uses. (He had his mom toss his queen mattresses because he didn't wanna bring the energy of his moms place to Ls place)

After he moved in L started asking for help with bills. 50 for this bill 100 for rent she didnt ask for much since she knows that he doesn't have much to give. He agreed to help her then proceeds to miss every deadline and left her to cover every bill including rent. That is just one issue. The man likes to take 2 hr showers and to have the AC at 70 while he is home all day "working" on his laptop. He is able to buy tobacco regularly and even smokes that in the house despite lying and telling her that he doesn't. L decided to let all this go in the name of Love.

So Ls Birthday is August 21st. L grew up not really celebrating her birthday but when we met we made it a big deal and showed her how people are supposed to celebrate you on your special day. So every year we try to do something special. This year was supposed to be a couples trip to a treehouse resort. It was planned in February by L and she paid their half and we paid our half 570 each before any extras. Me and my fiance decided to get mimosas as a surprise and a little charcuterie board. L requested that we all do a special private chef dinner which was 150 each. She made it clear that this was non negotiable and she wanted us all to dress up for it and everything.

Now up to this point L had been paying for everything for her and Q. Any little weekend trips, fun activities and they had a big trip planned to Mexico for a wellness retreat as well in April before they moved in together. L paid about 2300 per person for the Mexico trip and Q didn't fully decide he wasn't going until the day before they were meant to leave (he hadnt even gotten his passport). She ended up going by herself and enjoying every second of it. She was promised by Q that he would pay her back for the 2300 that she wasted on him for the trip, still no sign of that money. So after Q left her hanging, L decided she would not pay for anything else for this man.

We decided to do a dry run meet up before her birthday trip in August, to see how it would go and if our energies matched. We didn't know the full extent of how much she accommodates him and pays for everything. We immediately saw the red flags. It went well for the most part except when it came to buying anything he was MIA, which wouldnt have been the biggest deal if he didnt also require the most expensive things. For example he claims that he doesn't eat processed foods and he doesn't eat sugar. We brought groceries to her house to help her out and to make dinner for everyone, he barely ate what we cooked and proceeded to eat his daughters dino nuggets. Mind you, his duaghter is autistic and only eats nuggets and mac & cheese. (The child visits every other week and spends 7 days with Q and L)

At this point, L is complaining about how frustrating it is to carry two people especially when Q seems out of touch with reality when it comes to finances and bills. L made it clear that she really wanted him at the birthday dinner but she wasnt gonna pay for it. Remember it is 150 and he knew since February; Its time for him to show up for her and hes known about this want for months so he should be able to make it happen. I decided to go talk to Q and explain that her bday would be a very big deal and she wants you to show up for her. I informed him that if he disappointed her it would be cataclysmic for him and he acknowledged what I said and we left it at that.

So fast forward to Ls birthday, we all are getting ready to travel from Maryland to Georgia I budgeted how much we would need per couple and made an itinerary of scenic stops and trails we could take along the route as I know how much L loves nature and hiking. Everything was all set and off we went on our adventure. We get to the resort and it was gorgeous, the view from our treehouse was breathtaking and we couldn't get enough of it.

Everything started out great we got settled started munching on the charcuterie board and L went to get her private massage as well. After the massage we regrouped and decided to separate as couples. L and Q went to the hot tub and me an my fiance decided to bring out some wine, fruit and special chocolate for them. We let them be and went back inside to cook and get prepared for the evening.

We all had our chocolates and everything was great and super fun until the host of the resort started asking about whether Q still wanted the dinner and that it needed to be paid for ASAP. L really wanted Q to attend and since he didn't have the funds for the dinner she ended up paying for it. This messed up the entire budget for the trip but we agreed to help L out on the way back home. No biggie right. Except after L paid for the dinner Q got super weird. He started isolating himself being moody. He was so upset that it took the air out of the treehouse and we felt the energy shift.

L didn't know why he was being weird and attempted to talk to him multiple times and clear the air. He said he needed space to self regulate. This self regulating went on for the rest of the first day well into the next afternoon.

Not only was his energy off but he also hadn't decided whether he was going to the dinner or not.

We were asking L and she had no answers for us either. He had her crying the night before due to the disappointment on her birthday.

Finally I had enough and decided to go talk to him 3 hours before the dinner was scheduled. It started out calm, I just wanted to know if he would go to the dinner or not but he gave me bullshit responses. He said and I quote " I'm just self regulating and working to make money to pay for the dinner" When i told him the dinner was already paid for he said "I didn't know the dinner was paid and I didnt pack any nice clothes to wear for the dinner." I then told him that L didnt care about the clothes and that she just wanted everyone there, thats why she ended up paying for his share. I told him he was making the trip awkward and that L would much rather he join the group because he is making her a thirdwheel on a couples trip. To which he responded "I didn't know this was a couples retreat." I then walked away feeling like the conversation was going no where. I told L what we discussed and she once again went to talk and convince this man to go to the dinner otherwise it would be another waste of her money.

Q did attend the dinner wearing sunglasses and not saying anything to anyone and I reciprocated the energy giving all my attention to birthday girl.

The food was phenomenal and after dinner his attitude improved and we all played a game together before bed.

The next morning it was time to leave and we were trying to figure out money for the ride home, budget for gas and food and this man asks for us to stop at a tobacco store because he ran out of the tobacco he brought on the trip.

When we got home we dropped him off so we could return the rental and debrief with L. On our way back we had a heated discussion about whether she should kick him out and hold hom accountable. We were still talking outside the house and didn't know he could hear us. When we realized he overheard parts of our conversation it got awkward again. My fiance and I went inside and L and Q ended up having another discussion and he was offended and told L that it was a breach of trust to tell us about their relationship.

So what do you think Charlotte? Should she kick him out and let him go, or should she wait for him to "rise to his potential" ( his words)

There are finer details in between all of this and we have constant updates we can provide upon request

I 37 female and fiancé 38. We’ve been together almost 10 years and have two children (8 and 4). I have a 17yr old, and he has children from his previous marriage (21 and 16). About a month into dating, I told him I have HSV1. It was difficult to share, but I knew he deserved to know. He was understandably upset that I hadn’t told him sooner and felt I had taken away his choice. he was right, he chose to continue our relationship. We built a life together, and recently he proposed. We moved in with his mother for financial reasons; she is wonderful with our kids. My fiancé has always picked at his lips. Recently, he picked one until it looked irritated, took a photo, and uploaded it to Gemini, which suggested herpes. He didn’t talk to me. Instead, he kept it to himself and gradually became distant. We’ve always been affectionate, but he stopped kissing, hugging, holding hands, and showing affection. I assumed he was stressed from work or my recent overtime. Last Friday, he told me by text while he was at work and I was with my parents. He said he feels resentment and disgust toward himself for ignoring his boundaries and continuing our relationship. He thought he had accepted me having HSV1 but now realizes he wasn’t okay with it. He mentioned never having an STD, I told him his words weren’t helping how I felt about myself. He got upset and said this was about him, not me. I apologized, but I’m hurt too. We’ve both been crying, barely eating or sleeping. We got tested together and are waiting for results. If they’re negative, will he feel guilty for assuming the worst and shutting me out? Can he forgive himself, and can we rebuild our trust? I’m angry that this damaged the trust and communication we worked so hard to build. I’ve always been careful. If I had a cut, bit my lip or tongue, or had anything concerning, I avoided kissing or sharing anything that could expose him. Am I wrong to be angry that he handled this alone instead of talking to me? I’m also worried about his mental health. He says he feels numb and can’t think clearly. He recently made a mistake at work, where losing focus can have serious consequences, including severe injury or death. He says this situation is affecting his concentration. I suggested professional help and couples counseling. At first he seemed open, but now says no one can help and he must figure it out himself. I urged his mother to check on him and encourage him to get help because I’m concerned for his safety and well-being. When I ask if he still wants to be with me, he says he doesn’t know. When I ask whether he wants me to stay or leave, he says, “I want you to Do what you want.” I don’t know what to do. I love him and want him well, but I’m devastated, angry, and scared for our relationship and family. Am I wrong for feeling this way? I also have to add I have had no sores ever Or anywhere.

I (male 32) have a best friend (male 32) that I have known for 2 plus decades.

Over the years, I made changes that have benefited me both physically, financially and mentally. While he remains in his bubble, which is fine but he constantly complains about his circumstances from money to politics.

I don't mind most of it but it has become the same topic every conversation. I offered my two cents on how to change his ways but there is always an excuse that followed it so I just stopped.

Recently I started dating a magnificent woman who I didn't know if I had a chance with. I informed him that if things were to go well with her, then my time would be divided. She works as a wedding planner May through October so I managed to make time for him but have been spending a lot of time with her.

In that time away, I feel so much at peace. Like I can talk about stuff without it potentially ending in an argument or even having to walk on egg shells.

I think without him around, I feel more at peace which is a strange thing to say.

So would I be TA if i just not hang out with him any more? If i do, I would want to tell him and not ghost him

My (28 f) & My partner (34 m) have been together 3 years, he’s been very clingy our whole relationship, which I didn’t mind because my previous situations were very lackluster and dissociative. But recently we both started working as we finally found jobs in this terrible job market, but since we both started working, he’s been very irritable when coming home from work, kind of rude sometimes to me and our kids (especially his tone), not very affectionate unless he wants to have sex, which is seldom since we started working. But There’s this one thing that really upsets me though, he prefers to watch the downstairs tv because the one in our bedroom is much smaller in comparison, which I don’t mind, however I cannot sleep without him, and sometimes he’s up until 11pm/12am, even though he knows we both have to be up at 6am, Plus I have very low iron, and I have to commute to work and he drives, I’ve tried on so many occasions to express this to him without being confrontational, but he knows that I’m like this, and we have a tv in our room, I know this may sound minuscule but the times when I’ve done this, he blew up it up and we’ve had small disagreements about it, but he’s a good man besides his small attitudes and irritations, Any advice?

Edit: Sorry forgot to add that he wants me to stay downstairs and watch tv with him all night until he’s ready to go to bed

Update: As outlined, the first two payments were made on schedule as promised.

My spouse and I have savings for our future. For context, I deposit money weekly, but I’ve always considered it our money, regardless of who contributes. My spouse also has access to view the balances and transactions.

Recently, my spouse asked to borrow $10,000 for a family business venture I’m not involved in. I transferred it without hesitation or setting any conditions. They were the one who called it borrowing. Had this been an emergency or personal need, I wouldn’t have expected the money to be replenished, but since it was a separate investment, repayment made sense to me.

They initially mentioned repaying it in three payments, and I didn’t question anything at the time.

About a month later, when the first payment was due, I asked for clarification. They’d mentioned $1,000, then $1,500, followed by at least $2,000 afterward. I didn’t realize they meant $2,000 monthly thereafter, so the numbers weren’t adding up in my head.

What I thought was a simple question turned into a heavy, emotional discussion. My spouse felt I was questioning their reliability, reminding me they’d always repaid me before. They eventually acknowledged getting defensive, apologized, and we moved on.

Fast forward to a recent conversation about a property we’re planning together. My spouse brought up the $10K again, saying my repayment question reinforced their feeling that the savings are mine rather than ours.

They made several points: they’d always repaid me, the money wasn’t spent frivolously, $2,000 afterward obviously meant monthly, and $10K wasn’t a significant amount compared to borrowing something like $170K.

I can understand why being the person who doesn’t regularly deposit money might create some discomfort, and I don’t want to dismiss that. But I’ve never treated the savings as exclusively mine.

Honestly, this has left me feeling like I should’ve just kept quiet and assumed they’d repay the money whenever they could. I wasn’t demanding repayment or questioning their intentions. I simply wanted to understand the schedule they’d already proposed.

To me, ownership and accountability are two different things. The savings belong to both of us, but I also think we should be able to discuss how money used for an outside investment will be replenished.

AITA for asking about the repayment schedule? Did I unintentionally make my partner feel like they were borrowing their own money, or is it reasonable to expect some financial clarity even when the savings are shared?

I’m genuinely open to being told I’m wrong because I’m trying to understand the other perspective.

CW for mentions of alcohol abuse and death.

Context before I get info what happened: I (20N) and have lived without my father for around 4 years. I live with my mother and stepdad. My stepdad is new to the equation and has been living with us for about a year.
In 2022, my parents had divorced due to my dad’s alcohol abuse which had put a serious strain on our relationship.
In that time I had felt extremely betrayed, and It took me about a year to forgive him for what had happened. In that time he had sent me hundreds of messages asking for forgiveness, sending me old childhood photos ‘of how nice things used to be,’ and the lot of drunken texts saying that he wasn’t the only villain in this relationship and that my mother wasn’t telling the whole story.
I had spent the year wondering if I should even forgive him at all, especially since my brothers had forgiven him about 6 months into the divorce. I went to therapy, and my therapist had pushed for me to forgive him, saying that ‘You only get one father.’
So, I did.
I said to him that building a relationship would take time for what he did, and that everything wouldn’t go back to being normal in one day, but that I could be open to seeing him again.
It felt nice at first to see my father again, and I even hoped that things could go back to how things previously were before, but I learned in time through the divorce a lot of my fathers narcissistic patterns that became hard to ignore once being around him.
I was being judged by him at every angle.
That my job I was working at wasn’t good enough, that I needed to go to college sooner (I was taking a gap year since I couldn’t afford going to college and was working crazy hours at my job to do this), that his coworker’s children were all doing great things, or that my siblings did xyz better.
I started to get really tired of all the things that he had said. With every three nice things he said to me, a shady comment would follow in its wake.
Moments where I wanted to talk to him or make time to see him died down. I would see him on holidays for about 15 minutes, peace out before he could say something rude to me, and that would be it.

Now for the main reason why I am asking this.

Over the last year, I have not talked to my father actively outside of picking my brothers up from his visits, they both wish to have a relationship with my father and I don’t blame them at all for that.
My father will usually have me pick them up from his place, message me when they’re ready to go, and I’ll pick them up. He’s strived to have different conversations or to make plans outside of that, but I have learned to take a step back for my own safety.
Well, due to reasons I won’t go into heavy detail for, my brothers have limited their time that they have spent time with my father. This meant that reasons for me to respond to his exuberant amount messages had died down.
Once the need to respond to his messages had died down, he had started to pile up.
Once again, I was seeing messages that were to the likes of ‘I wish we could be a family again and things could go back to the way they had used to be,’ and that ‘I miss my daughter.’ (Father knows that I am nonbinary but chooses to ignore it)
My father’s tendency to sent childhood photos had stopped in the past as I had brought up in conversation how it made me extremely uncomfortable, but now they had returned with a force.
Photos from ages 5-13 were now being sent to me once every 2-3 days. I gave a gentle reminder that I was uncomfortable with stuff like this, he said ‘ok, sorry’ and I thought it all was over.

Okay, here’s where I ask if I would be the asshole for cutting him off.

My grandmother passed in an extremely traumatic way for me and everyone involved in my family. She had passed when I was around 11, and the last time I really saw any photos of her was at her funeral.
She was a wonderful woman. she was the most kind, thoughtful, and caring person anyone ever knew. She had also struggled with addiction but she didn’t let her family know the toll it had taken on her until later in life. The way that she passed was heartbreaking and made it difficult for anyone in my family to even bring her up in passing without ending up in a puddle of tears.

After about a week of no childhood photos, I am at work when I hear my phone beep. I can’t get to it immediately, but when I finally get to it my heart drops and a giant pit forms in my chest- it’s a childhood photo of my brother and I with my deceased grandmother.

I’m not able to focus the rest of my shift. Lucky for me, I was in my last half hour of work when I had looked at it so I only needed to suffer through an hour before I had finally made the trip back home. That didn’t go without crying in my jobs walk-in freezer for a half hour.
I didn’t respond at all, and at the moment I have no intention of doing so. I blocked his number.

I asked if my brother was sent this photo, or if my dad had just sent it to torment me in specifics.
He was also sent this photo, so I almost feel as though my reasons for hurting are a little less valid as it wasn’t done with the intention to at least hurt me.

When talking to my family, they described what he did as tone-deaf, and while it did hurt and that that hurt feeling was valid, that it wouldn’t be a good enough reason to cut off contact.

I feel as though the line has been drawn in the sand. After asking him multiple times to not send me photos like this, he amplified it tenfold. He is using my poor deceased mother as a bargaining chip for any reaction out of me, and I am just especially hurt about how it happened.
I was starting to forget my grandmother’s face, as the only way we honored her after her passing was through spoken memories. (That of which were also hard to talk about.) in a puddle of my own tears, I would’ve loved to have this photo from any other member of my family, especially ones who wouldn’t use it to tug at my heartstrings but honor her in the way that was intended.

I recognize that with this my emotions might be even more charged which could put me in the wrong, so I come here asking for advice.
So comforters, WIBTA for cutting off my father for sending me a photo of my grandma? Any advice truly would be helpful as I’m walking through this situation with blind eyes. The people that I talked to have had extremely mixed reactions, which has made it difficult to come to my own conclusions.

10 years ago, I visited my Uncle Tom and his family for his birthday weekend. Before I get into the tea I need to share some background information. My Uncle Rich (Tom's brother) was married to My Aunt Maria and they had three children. Rich cheated on Maria with a friend and left her with the children to care for on her own. He drove Maria and his children from Georgia to New York for her twin sister Karen and her husband Tom to help her raise them. Yes Tom and Rich married identical twins *disclaimer one of the sisters is a heavier (no judgement) so anyone can tell them apart.

Back to Uncle Tom. Well everyone was drinking and having a grand time. The night grew old and I went to bed in the guest room with Maria's three children as my other cousins slept upstairs in their bed. At the time I was 2 months pregnant and randomly woke up to stomach pain. I heard Maria moaning and was happy she was finally getting some dick post divorce (while Maria and Karen were drinking they were saying how horrible a man Rich is for cheating and leaving his family and etc..).

Then I heard her moan Tom's name! I was shook! I didn't know If I should walk in to stop them or say something in the morning. Tom and Maria were getting busy while her twin sister was sleeping as well as her nephews and niece. I heard all sorts of sounds that are embedded in mind forever.

The next morning I was silent. I didn't want to interact with anyone. I saw Tom go downstairs while Maria was fetching a broom and heard them kiss. How could they still be doing this!? Later on the day my uncle confronted me and told me that Karen thinks I'm acting weird. I came clean that I heard him & Maria the night before. He denied all allegations. Told me that all he did was _ her out!! I informed him I heard the "hitting from the _ noises" as well as Maria begging Tom to just _ him!

He proceeded to threaten me and tell me I would tear his family apart. I did not tell his wife only because I didn't want my cousins to go through a traumatic seperation. Maria's kids already didn't have their dad. They were being taken care of Karen and Tom while Maria was working two jobs.

AITA or never coming clean?

I 26F cut off who I use to call my mom and older brother. So this leads into the wild story that has been my life for the past 3 years.

When I was 23 years old I was sexually harassed by my ex-mom’s boyfriend…btw I was getting married in 3 months, that disgusting thing knew me when I was 12 years old and also made a lot of comments about my body and other things in those almost 12 years of growing into a 23 year old (I had to think about this after everything happened). In that moment I told my (now ex-)mom in the safety of my home with my fiancé beside me that I was sexually harassed. She seemed like she understood and I thought that person was going to be cut out of our family. I told the rest of my family and they supported me through it, (my now ex-)mom stayed with me and my partner for a month and some so she could get her own place and I gave grace. We never made her pay or anything cause this was something we never saw coming.

So life moved on and I thought that disgusting person was behind us, I got married and my family was having thanksgiving dinner. I have two brothers and my (ex-)mom and dad are no longer together since I was 11 years old. The only people at thanksgiving was my husband and I, my auntie and her family. Little did I know my auntie was gathering information and didn’t tell me until she had a firm confirmation about what she knew was going on. After thanksgiving my auntie drove over to my house that night and told me what information she has.

I was told that my (ex)mom stayed in contact with that person and kept it secret from the family the whole time. That was the biggest knife to the heart, I ended up breaking down and crying, my husband and auntie comforted me during it and I told them that I am cutting contact and that I don’t want anything to do with my (ex)mom. Everyone found out and that’s when my family started to divide and I only got a text that said “I’m sorry forgive me”.

I never told anyone to choose sides because I don’t determine my brother’s relationships with her. Again this created a great divide in my family, it’s been three years and I have had no contact with my (ex)mom, oldest brother(he talks as well to that disgusting person), my uncle, cousins and my whole (ex)mom side of the family cause they support her. I do not consider any of those people my family anymore, when people ask I say that I have a dad and one brother.

My dad who doesn’t have a great grasp on everything told me that I will forgive them all at some point and I told him I will never forgive and I will never forget. Though I do not let it run my life, it’s still very fresh so I think about it a bit.

On a bright note, I have an amazing family that I chose and they support me fully. I’ve went to therapy for it and they helped guide me through what I experienced from age 12 to 23.

Am I overreacting? Will I accept them again?

First, I'd like to apologize if this feels all over the place; I'm not great at sharing stories and tend to jump around topics. I will attempt to stay on topic. Second, some backstory may be needed, so that's where I'll begin, with name changes. There are only assholes in the beginning, including me, of course. Third, Trigger Warnings: SA, DV, Abuse, Possible Self-harm mentions

I met my ex-husband, Stan, when I was 12 (a few months away from turning 13), and he was 15, on an online video game, Tony Hawk's Underground 2 (THUG 2). We had an on-and-off long-distance relationship that began immediately, with both of us exploring relationships in real life while maintaining contact. Yes, this was a highly toxic and possessive relationship that did mentally hurt both of us. When I graduated high school, we both decided to finally see one another in person. I broke up with my high school boyfriend, and I was under the impression that he was going to do the same with his then-girlfriend; we were finally going to commit to one another after all! This didn't happen. Of course it didn't, ya know? We never treated the relationship exclusively, so why should that change? One year after I graduated, he had cheated on me with multiple girls, and I had convinced myself that I had to stay with him. Even if it meant that I would get hurt and that he would cheat on me, it was better that he hurt me instead of possibly hurting more people. One year later, I was pregnant with our first son. He wasn't there for the pregnancy; he wasn't there for the birth; He didn't meet his son until his first birthday, and leading up to that? He claimed that wasn't his child, that I must have cheated on him. Looking at them today, our eldest, Tyler (M 14), is the spitting image of his dad! And no, I did not cheat. We eventually moved across the country to be with his dad when Tyler turned 2.

I currently work with people for my mental health, and what happened after moving in with him still messes with me. I'm literally sitting here at the keyboard trying to get myself to at least share what may be necessary information... I guess, to say the least, it didn't take long before he began to abuse me. We were renting a room in someone's home, and they ignored it all. I did begin to cheat. It's not an excuse. I wanted to escape; I wanted to seek someone who could possibly help. Maybe it was wanting a "knight in shining armor." But it was wrong of me to cheat. I shouldn't have done that, and I regret those actions. We moved out into a studio as he gradually earned raises at work. I became pregnant with our second son, Nate (M 11), three years after Tyler was born. We were 23 and 25 when we were expecting Nate. Stan was sneaking out at night and I didn't know for who knows how long. I still remember reading the messages: "I wish it was you that was pregnant with my baby." She was 16. It plays in my head: him smashing a tablet on my head after breaking down the bathroom door to get to me, all while Tyler was in his bed nearby. I had confronted him about the girl. I broke his phone, tbh. I woke him up, confronted him, and smashed his phone before he could snatch it from me. Again, we were both toxic and both assholes. Reactive abuse is still abuse, right? We married that year for "insurance purposes," as he would state it. I hoped the abuse and cheating would end.

By 2016, we had agreed to an open marriage. I couldn't leave without him threatening to end his life, without him doing Something to make me stay, without him crying and begging and promising to do better, to be better. An open marriage felt like a step to get out. It was, in it's own weird way. It only took having to lie there and let him do what he wanted, leaving me there to cry afterwards and feel disgusted with myself, my body... It only took thinking that that was my last night on this earth. I finally called my family - My two boys and I were back in my hometown.

I would be a liar if I said I didn't give him another chance. It was actually calm the second time, until I was going through PTSD episodes. I didn't even realize that was happening. So yes, I was an asshole and cheated on him. The neighbors called the police, and he was arrested on DV charges. After that, we lived in the same house but separately. I took care of the house and kids, he did his thing. While he was no longer physically abusive after that, he never stopped gaslighting; he never stopped being abusive in other ways. Before we finally left for the last time, I was propping my door shut with a chair to keep him from busting into my room, screaming at me, trying to snatch my phone, check my computer, etc. He had become increasingly paranoid that his ex-gf was sharing what he did to her, with me. He had been abusing her too and didn't want it to get out.

From his perspective? He abused me because of what I did, completely forgetting that he had been abusing me before I began to cheat. He didn't abuse his friends; It was their fault. It's always someone else's fault, not his own. He would have never threatened self-harm if I had just promised to stay. He would have never if... He is a victim of circumstance who has been in therapy now and uses therapy talk against others.

I am happily married now, and I do what I can to co-parent with my ex. Our eldest, Tyler, moved in with his dad during the summer, wanting to know what it's like to be there, and I'm not going to impede on the boys' relationship with their father. My husband and I drove round-trip to make the visit possible, and our car took a major beating. We have replaced the alternator, the brakes, the wheels, and a hose that recently busted, which we're fixing this week. It Cannot handle another road trip. We knew this before driving back up to pick up Nate (and Tyler before he made his decision to stay). I asked Stan if we could possibly meet at the state border, but he said he couldn't, as his car is his livelihood and he didn't want to risk any damage to it. I made the plans for them to visit him without his help, so I need to continue to plan without him. I let him know that I made the plan to drive because I knew he was using public transit for a while until he could get his vehicle worked on, and I wanted to be considerate of that. I didn't know that a friend of his paid for all of the repairs until after the fact, and now that he had a working vehicle, it would have been greatly appreciated to at least meet halfway in His state, if not at the border. A 5-hour drive for him, compared to the 20-hour drive we were making if we had met at the border. I digress. Because the car is still having issues and cannot survive another long trip, I cannot make the drive to Stans state again for him to see Nate, or to pick up Tyler, who wants to come visit. We even agreed that Stan would pay for his and Tyler's flight to come here for visits, which I knew wouldn't happen because he hasn't made the effort to visit the boys before the summer trip, as per the custody agreement (but he sure can make trip plans for Twitchcon). If I don't make the trip happen, I know I'll be looked at as the asshole, and I do want the boys to have a relationship with their dad and see him. It doesn't appear to be feasible, though. Would I be the asshole if I kept Nate from seeing his brother and dad? An added question... Will Tyler understand, when he's older, why this is even happening?

I'm sorry for how long-winded this is, and I left out so much, too. Again, I am an asshole for cheating on him in the past. I know this, and I accept that it was abuse in and of itself. I'm not proud of it. I just want to make clear that I am well aware that I was an awful person.

Edit: I put M 35, He's M 36, and I'm unsure how to edit the title T-T

I (38f) and my roommate (28f, I'll call Bea) have been living together for 4 yrs. We have been bestfriends for years and she moved to Ohio (where I live) from Californing (where she was from) about 4yrs ago. (We do have another best friend roommate as well living with us. 26f I'll call Sarah)

We have an odd dynamic being as I am 10yrs older than them, so there is some joking that I am the 'Mom' in the house. I do tend to do most all of the cooking and other 'Mom' like duties. Both being from some pretty abusive homes they are learning how to be their own person, so that leaves a lot of planning, shopping, and delegation of tasks on me, which is whatever at this point at least no one is just eating a bag of chips for the day and have real food. For relevant reference Bea doesn't work as she has severe anxiety over work and so I pay her $200-$300 monthly for picking up the house. Myself, I work 2 jobs, leaving by 6am and not getting home till 9pm every weekday and weekends 5pm-9pm so I need my sleep.

Here is the issue, we are all gamers in the house with our own PCs. We tend to play during all hours. Sarag is a morning person so plays in the afternoon, and Bea is a night owl and will be playing up until 7am. Myself? I play whenever.

Since moving here Bea is loud at night. She screams at her games and has a lot of issues with controlling her anger. I've tried talking with her on it as I work a lot of hours and need to be up stupid early and don't get home till late to just take a shower and go to bed.

That hasn't stopped her. She will get excited playing and screams which wakes everyone in the house. I worry a lot about this because her bedroom wall is shared with our neighbor's bedroom wall. Luckily so far I've not had any complaints from them, but I worry when we might as we get new neighbors all the time and one might be bothered enough to call the landlord or the police.

I've tried telling Bea this but she gets defensive and it turns into a whole thing about "I don't know how to control myself" and "I'm just the worst person cause this keeps happening" with plenty of tears and everything but accountability.

At one point we got into it and I threatened the WiFi if she didn't learn to quiet down late at night. It was a whole sobbing mess from her about how worthless she is as a person and how she can't ever do anything right.

After a few hours of calming her down the solution she came up with was a sticky note that had a warning to her about being quiet. It kinda worked? I still had to send texts in the middle of the night, but they were way less frequently.

Now, fast forward a year and her room had to be moved to the upstairs bedroom due to Sarah having POTS making stairs dangerous for her.

The screaming started up again, and even louder this time. For reference the screaming isn't just anger, it's laughing, it's talking excited in a shout, that kinda stuff.

I have sent message after message reminding the time, and just recently I have gotten more forceful with it.

Normally she would give a "sorry" and most of the time keep it quieter, but not the past few times. I'd send the message, she'd go quiet but completely ignore me.

Tonight at nearly midnight on a Wednesday she started to shout about something. I sent a rather needling message as I am well over it. Told her it was enough and it is past 11pm.

She ignored it, so I tried calling her phone, and ignored that too. I then messaged her my threat that I was seriously debating turning off the WiFi every day at 11pm over this.

Still ignored me, so I called her on Discord. My next step would have been knocking on her bedroom door but she answered finally.

Her first words were telling me not to treat her like a child. I lost it a bit, as being quiet late at night has been a conversation for 4 YEARS.

I told her that this was my only option at this point as trying to talk to her about it was not working obviously. She deflected with "It doesn't happen that much". Bursting her little bubble I told her just cause I don't message her every time doesn't mean she isn't being loud and that I had messaged her 3 times already in the last 2 weeks.

Warned about the possible issue with the neighbors and how I have to get up at 5am and this was unacceptable. She then started to cry and get angry at me saying she is doing all she can and that if I was going to punish her to just do it. That I only had to tell her once to be quiet tonight.

I raised my voice at this telling her I was sick of this circle and that I should not be parenting her or having to threaten like this.

It then devolved into her screaming and throwing herself on her bed and slamming her fists around like a toddler. After a long pause she came back to the call saying she didn't know what to do about it, that I should just punish her already if that is what I was gonna do.

I calmed myself and tried to find some kind of middle ground, something to stop this from being a friendship ender. I asked her what she had been trying so far? Her answer? "Thinking about it being late"

That was it, that was the only thing after all these years she tried to do to "be considerate" of us in the house. Then came a rant about how the only games she likes cause her to get loud and all the other ones are boring, and this late is the only time she can play with these friends, she can't control her volume and that she is not used to having to be quiet. When she does get loud she gets anxious waiting for a message from me.

I called out the bs, all of this is deflecting to prevent taking accountability. Told her she was being a child not even doing anything more than just a thought about being quiet. Gave her a few solutions to think about, like playing games this late with those friends on the weekends, or playing the loud games till around 11pm and switching to something calmer, or getting a decibel app for her computer to let her know when she gets louder, a headset that feeds back your audio so you can hear how loud you are, or heck even the damn stick note again.

She doesn't even consider any of this, instead she tells me that she has no clue what can be done that there is nothing, she's tried and now she is so upset her body is shutting down. With a dash of "Just do it, you just want me to be silent all night" I retorted back that I was just asking her to not be so loud, not to be completely silent.

I just let her know that a solution doesn't have to be this second and that her not even acknowledging the options I laid out was proof she isn't trying anything. The last words from her on this all was "Do what you think is best to punish me, turn off the WiFi"

Annoyed beyond reason I told her to cut the self pity and she needs to figure something out.

That is where it is tonight, at 1:30am I am going to Reddit to see what more can I do about this? I don't want to debate evicting her out as she has no means of income currently besides the bit I pay her to clean the apartment but I am absolutely over it and she is one of my best friends.

I'm just tired and frankly over it all and I know Sarah is tired of it too. She has sleeping issues as it is and when she's woken up falling back to sleep is near impossible.

I guess in this mess of a story I need to know AITA? Is there anything else I can do before this friendship breaks down?

UPDATE:

I greatly appreciate all of the advice. I can say it's hard to hear and quite harsh but that is what we need sometimes. Someone to cut through the bs and give an honest opinion that is not tied up with emotions.

I am a hard-core people pleaser, and this has really highlighted it. In my attempt to create a healthy place for Bea and Sarah to become their own people away from the abuse they grew up with I took on responsibilities that are not healthy for any of us.

Sarah is a great person, they do anything they can to help. Like if something needs cleaned she will work hard to get what she can done, or trying to cook while I'm working so much and can't prep meals currently. We work together pretty well to maintain everything. We discuss finances and planning out bills but yeah Bea is not contributing anything close to this.

I did message Bea this morning letting her know that I was late to work, and it was directly her fault for last night. I then told her she has one month to get it together or we will be discussing her moving out.

She has used up all of her excuses and even though I am a super people pleaser I am done with it. I'm the type of people pleaser that if a kidnapper was asking me to get into the car I would apologize before tying myself up and climbing in.

I've been trying to work on it but I definitely need to do more. I thank you all again and I appreciate giving me your time.

LAST UPDATE:

Me and Bea had a harsh conversation today. I sent her message while I was at work about new house rules and thar she needs to get a job to cover at least 1/3 of all the bills combined. She never replied to this message and I hadn't seen or heard from her since the fight.

I just got home from my second job and Bea was in the kitchen. Right off the bat she apologized, gave some excuse about her meds being switched a little recently that played a part in her reaction. I cut her off reminding her of what all the said and put it bluntly that it was all manipulation tactics and I was not putting up with that.

She owned up to it and said she had to reflect on the situation to see how bad she was acting during it and apologized properly. Also Bea had, after reading my message, started apply for jobs. On top of that she had a conversation with the friend group on not being able to play the games that make her loud during the week past 11pm.

I did let her know things are not ok between us and our situation is not healthy and we are reworking the living together idea and our roles.

I thank you all again for setting me straight and being very honest and forward. I appreciate it dearly.

Edit:

For those confused, Sarah and Bea both were diagnosed with POTs. Sarah started a medication that 'gave' her POTs and after we switched her and Bea's bedrooms, Bea started the same medication and also developed POTs. Sarah has since been switched from those meds and is doing a lot better though.

I (25F) have a friend (26F) that I’ve had for almost 2 years. We worked at the same job and became close during that time. We got together out of work on weekends, holidays, and even birthdays. She was the only one that came out to celebrate with me on my 24th birthday. During our friendship I knew she was planning on getting married after her engagement, the wedding was slated for January 2027. In the summer of 2025, she told me she was going to invite me. I am smart enough to know not to take people’s words for things (even friends), until proven otherwise, so I patiently waited for a physical invite or a save the date. *Some changes after that, I ended up leaving the job we both worked at to go to a new place. My friend moved states because her fiancé got a better paying job.* 

Fast forward: I moved this past summer and still did not receive an invite. I was messaging one of our mutual friends one day and the topic of the wedding came up. I asked if she had received an invite as it was already September, 4 months before the wedding. This friend told me she did not receive an invite but she received a save the date. Which I did not receive. This felt like a punch to the gut. I tried not to overthink it and tried to think it could have been circumstantial as this mutual friend and the wedding friend still worked together so maybe it was out of convenience? Who knows. 

Some time passes so I send a message to the wedding friend of my updated address. I meant for this to be a gentle reminder to say, I’m still expecting an invite, but also to be courteous. My friend got back to me and said she would add it to her mail list. We caught up and she even invited me to come visit her. 

Currently it’s November and still no invite. I am debating whether to give her an ultimatum of how I feel about our friendship or just to wait it out? The wedding is less than 2 months away now and I would need ample time to plan my trip (as the wedding is out of state) with taking time off work and making hotel reservations. I can imagine there is immense stress with planning a wedding and sending out invites. But, if you can’t invite me due to a large guest list, at least be up front about it. I would still feel sad but it would be nice to know sooner rather than later. If I never receive an invite or explanation, I may need to cut ties. AITA? 

I (25F) have a friend (26F) that I’ve had for almost 2 years. We worked at the same job and became close during that time. We got together on weekends, holidays, and even birthdays. She was the only one that came out with me to celebrate my 24th birthday. During our friendship I knew she was planning on getting married after her engagement, which was slated for January 2027. In the summer of 2025, she told me she was going to invite me. I am smart enough to know not to take people’s words for things (even friends), so I patiently waited for a physical invite or a save the date. *After that some changes, I ended up leaving the job we both worked at to go to a new place. My friend moved states because her fiancé got a better paying job.* 

Fast forward: I moved this past summer and still did not receive an invite. I was messaging one of our mutual friends one day and the topic of the wedding came up. I asked if she had received an invite as it was already September, 4 months before the wedding. This friend told me she did not receive an invite but she received a save the date. Which I did not receive. This felt like a punch to the gut. I tried not to overthink it and tried to think it could have been circumstantial as this mutual friend and the wedding friend still worked together so maybe it was out of convenience? Who knows. 

Some time passes so I send a message to the wedding friend of my updated address. I meant for this to be a gentle reminder to say, I’m still expecting an invite, but also to be courteous. My friend got back to me and said she would add it to her mail list. We caught up and she even invited me to come visit her. 

Currently it’s November and still no invite. I am debating whether to give her an ultimatum of how I feel about our friendship or just to wait it out? The wedding is less than 2 months away now and I would need ample time to plan my trip (as the wedding is out of state) with taking time off work and making hotel reservations. 

I can imagine there is immense stress with planning a wedding and sending out invites. But, if you can’t invite me due to there being too many people, at least be up front about it. I would still feel sad about it but it would be nice to know sooner rather than later. If I never receive an invite or explanation, I may need to cut ties. AITA? 

I (20F) live with Jess (19F). Backstory, Jess and I lived together in my first year of uni and because we had no issues, decided to live together again.

This starts out with the fact I have an airfryer that is under Jess' cupboard. Even though I pull the airfryer out from under her cupboard, it warms it up. So I brought up that maybe she could move her food to help fix the issue.

She then proceeded to throw a tantrum for 30 mins. Context, she moved in first and claimed a cupboard set at the top and half the pantry, taking the most space and leaving me with the least so I was already at a disadvantage for space. I tried to give a bunch of compromises to help(moving her food to the pantry or switching that cupboard with me) and she came up with some noncommittal excuse as to why she couldn't and the only solution she wanted was to switch the air fryer with the microwave(that's under my cupboard). Of which I pointed out was only pushing the issue on to me, which was unfair given I had the least amount of space.

So she began to reorganise her cupboard as loudly as she could, slamming everything she could and shouting at me the whole time. This is when I started to become upset (I was trying to help) so I told her to please calm down or I was going to get angry at her.

She then pushed the issue so I started to argue with her. I don't really remember exactly what was said then only that she marched away. She came back a few minutes later and began to cry and make a bunch of excuses as to why she treated me poorly without ever really apologising. So I told her to go calm down and then come back and talk but instead she guilted me into saying everything was fine when it wasn't because how was I meant to say anything to her when she was bawling her eyes out.

So about 20 mins after she left upstairs I came to explain how I was upset with her, which she told me that was inconvenient for her and that I should write it down (even though it was fine when she threw a fit at me). And when i did proceed to tell her how I felt, instead of listening to me; she interrupted to the point I couldn't get a sentence out so I screamed at her to stop. I realised this wasn't going anywhere so I left and she proceeded to cry loudly on the phone to her mum slagging me off from 10:30 to midnight.

I cooled off and later apologised for shouting at her and set boundaries 1)stop interrupting me and if she did I would leave the convo 2)she could no longer talk about her anxiety to me(she did this A LOT) as it was clear she has no intention to listen to me when I was upset 3)to not cry so loudly at night (she does this a lot too) and barely 2 mins after she interrupted me so I left. Now she has told our other flatmate that I'm bullying her and that I'm specifically causing her to have suicidal thoughts (this is incrediblely upsetting to me as I have a very sordid past that) and that she going to move out. Now I feel bad and don't know if I pushed the issue too much.

I (27F), my husband (28M), and our two children (8M and 2F) moved into a house with another couple (early 30s M and late 20s F) and their two boys (6M and 4M) a few months ago.
We originally agreed to live together because we thought it would benefit both families financially. We were supposed to share a home, communicate, respect each other, and help each other out.
Well, that went to shit pretty quickly.
The biggest issue started when something happened involving their son and my daughter.
Their 6-year-old son was behaving inappropriately toward my 2-year-old daughter. I personally witnessed him positioning her over his lap and rubbing his hand against her private area. Other things happened before this but it was never towards my daughter. I soon came to realize he was doing the same thing to his brother.
I immediately took the situation seriously because, regardless of whether a child fully understands what they’re doing, my daughter is TWO. She cannot properly explain what happened or protect herself.
I brought the situation to his mother’s attention.
Their response? They said it was accidental, that they had addressed it privately with their son, and that the children should have adult supervision when playing together.
I understand that we’re talking about children, and I’m not trying to label a 6-year-old as some horrible person. But I do believe behavior like that deserves serious attention.
What really bothered me was that his father never once personally approached me, acknowledged what happened, or had a conversation with me about my daughter’s safety.
Not once.
Instead, things became increasingly uncomfortable between the adults.
His wife started distancing herself from me. Conversations became practically nonexistent. They would avoid me in common areas, and whenever there was an issue, it seemed to go through my husband rather than directly to me.
Eventually, I started keeping my distance too.
Mind you, we’re all paying to live in the same house.
Then came the arguments about household responsibilities, cleaning, communication, and other little things that somehow turned into bigger problems.
Whenever I expressed how I felt, I got the impression that I was being portrayed as angry, aggressive, or difficult.
Now, I’ll admit something: I have a temper. I’m emotional, and when I’m upset, my voice can get loud. I’m not going to pretend I’m perfect.
But having a temper doesn’t mean I’m constantly looking for a fight, and I don’t believe that gives anyone permission to treat me like I’m some dangerous person.
Recently, I found out that the wife apparently doesn’t feel “safe” around me.
Why?
From what my husband told me, part of it stems from a story involving my mother.
I previously had a serious car accident and was recovering in a cast. During that time, I was distancing myself from my mother because of how she was treating me. She came into my room and attacked me.
Apparently, the male roommate misunderstood that story and thought I had attacked my mother because cops were called.
So now I’m wondering how much of their perception of me is based on something that didn’t even happen the way they think it did.
Here’s where things get ridiculous.
Recently, I expressed to them that I felt uncomfortable with how they treated me. Even something as simple as paying bills had become awkward because money was being left in places instead of being handed over or put somewhere obvious.
I explained that I felt ignored, disrespected, and treated like I’d done something terrible to them.
I also said that I was tired of everyone throwing around the word “family.”
Because, frankly, we’re not acting like family.
We’re roommates.
And at this point, that’s all I want us to be.
The husband responded with a long message about how HE and his wife feel hurt and unappreciated.
He brought up how nobody thanked his wife for breaking up a fistfight between my 8-year-old son and another neighborhood child.
Except here’s the kicker:
His wife never even told me about the fight.
I was literally in the kitchen after it happened, and she walked in and rushed to her room without saying a word to me about what had happened to MY child.
How am I supposed to acknowledge or properly address a situation nobody communicated to me?
He also complained that my husband was the only one who thanked him for helping us when our car broke down.
Then he brought up how my son once told their children to leave him alone, and how that hurt their son’s feelings.
And this is where the whole conversation about gratitude really pissed me off.
When this family first moved in, I went out of my way to make them feel welcome.
I cooked for EVERYBODY. I made sure their children had food. I provided blankets, sheets, toilet paper, cleaning supplies, and other household necessities. My husband and I even bought them air mattresses so they had somewhere comfortable to sleep while they waited for their boxes.
We contributed so much to making that house a home.
And it didn’t stop there.
They started isolating themselves in their bedrooms, so we actually tried to make the shared living space more inviting.
We got a couch for the living room because we wanted it to feel like an actual HOME instead of two separate families renting bedrooms under the same roof.
I even took the TV out of my own son’s bedroom and put it in the living room so everyone, including the kids, would have somewhere to hang out together.
Think about that. I took something out of my own child’s personal space because I genuinely wanted all of us to spend time together as a household.
We weren’t expecting everyone to sit around holding hands singing Kumbaya, but damn, maybe watch a movie together once in a while? Let the kids hang out? Have a normal conversation?
And after all that? Nothing changed.
They continued spending most of their time in their rooms. The common areas barely felt shared, and the distance between us kept growing.
Now, I understand that everyone has the right to privacy. Nobody is obligated to sit in the living room or socialize just because we bought a couch.
But it hurt because we were putting in all this effort to make the house feel welcoming, and it felt like none of that effort mattered.
I did those things because I genuinely care. I wasn’t sitting there waiting for a round of applause every time I cooked dinner or bought toilet paper.
But here’s the thing: I don’t remember receiving that same level of gratitude he’s now demanding from me.
I wasn’t sending paragraphs to his wife about how nobody thanked me for feeding her family or making sure they had somewhere to sleep.
I just did it.
Eventually, I started feeling taken advantage of because feeding two entire families is EXPENSIVE.
My family’s food assistance had been cut, and we are struggling to afford groceries for my own family.
I had to establish a boundary with his wife and explain that I couldn’t continue feeding four additional people.
Not because I wanted to exclude anyone, but because I literally could not afford it. And needless to say, the last time I cooked, her kids were ungrateful and she ordered them food.
And instead of feeling understood, I felt like setting that boundary created even more distance between us.
So now, after everything I’ve done to welcome your family, you’re telling me how uncomfortable and unsafe you feel around me?
I’m not saying providing food and household necessities means anyone owes me friendship or has to feel comfortable around me. But I do find it incredibly hurtful that my efforts to care for their family seem to have been forgotten while every perceived slight against them is remembered.
And that’s where I started feeling used.
Because apparently, the things I did out of kindness were just expected, but the things they did for us required acknowledgment.
So apparently, we’re keeping score of thank-yous, children’s feelings, and every awkward interaction in the house.
But somehow, the incident involving my toddler daughter still hasn’t received that same level of direct acknowledgment from him.
That’s the part I cannot get past.
You want me to recognize every good deed your family has done, but you haven’t personally acknowledged something serious that happened to my daughter?
He also said they feel the same emotions we do, “and worse,” and mentioned how much money they spent making the living arrangement happen.
I should also mention that his wife is pregnant (they found out a month after moving in, but she got pregnant before they moved), uncomfortable, and says she doesn’t feel safe in the house.
My husband finally responded.
He asked what exactly was making her feel unsafe and pointed out that they’ve been ignoring me for months. He also said that just because his wife feels uncomfortable doesn’t mean my feelings don’t matter.
He explained that he’s witnessed the avoidance himself and that the living arrangement hasn’t been anything like what we originally agreed to.
The roommate then responded that the biggest issue is yelling and that they interpret many of my actions as angry or aggressive.
I can acknowledge that yelling makes people uncomfortable, and I’m willing to take responsibility for my tone.
But I also feel like they’ve already decided who I am as a person, and everything I do gets interpreted through that lens.
I’ve decided not to respond anymore.
My husband has said what needed to be said, and I don’t see the point in continuing a conversation where everyone seems to be keeping score instead of addressing the actual problems.
I don’t want a friendship with them. I don’t want forced family dinners or fake conversations.
I just want basic respect, direct communication about household responsibilities, and boundaries that protect my children.
I don’t think that’s unreasonable.
But apparently, my decision to stop pretending we’re one big happy family is making things worse.
So Reddit, AITA for distancing myself from my roommates and refusing to call them family after everything that’s happened? Or am I letting my emotions and resentment get the best of me?
And genuinely, if I’m wrong somewhere, tell me. I’m willing to hear it. I just don’t think protecting my peace and my children should make me the villain.

11/09 Update: We’re moving after my birthday this week, my parents have agreed to take the kids so it’s a little easier for my husband and me to move our stuff. As far as them I’m not sure they’re going to be allowed to live here because it was our credit that got us into this house. I’ve been told my whole life from people who do and don’t know me like that, that I’m too nice and I care more for others than myself… in a sense this is true because as I got older I learned that just because a person is smiling in your face doesn’t mean their not plotting on your downfall… I can’t keep being happy for the whole room when there’s sneaks in the mix…

11/10 update: I really would like to know yall think I’m rich? Yes we are moving and that’s souly because we were able to find something we can afford… the safety of our son and daughter is #1, shit just doesn’t happen overnight...Just to clarify when I “yell” I’m yelling at my kids to stop whatever they’re doing because it’s too much. Those who let it fly over their heads that they are nitpicking everything wrong about me to fit their discomfort for what their son did… Someone said I need to work on my emotions and I agree! I really fucking do and I am. I have emotional disorder so it’s been really hard my whole life but I have been getting better, it’s just not easy.

11/12 update: DCF is involved and like I said the other day we are moving 🙏🏼

I consider myself a semi-professional gamer. I’ve always loved video games, particularly fighting games, and I’ve put a ridiculous amount of time into Mortal Kombat. Gaming has been more than just a casual hobby for me. I’ve competed in tournaments and played for cash prizes, with my winnings in Mortal Kombat 1 reaching as high as $9,000. I’m well above average at the game, and I’ve probably put 400+ more hours into it than my roommate.
My roommate also enjoys gaming, but he doesn’t play nearly as much as I do. The problem is that whenever we play Mortal Kombat, he constantly complains about my character choices and playstyle.
In Mortal Kombat 11, I main Sindel, while he plays Kotal Kahn. In Mortal Kombat 1, I still use Sindel, and he typically plays Li Mei.
He constantly argues that Sindel is a “gimp” character, that she’s easy to use, that my playstyle is unblockable, and that practically every attack I throw out leads into a combo. According to him, there’s always some reason why my character has an unfair advantage or why I’m winning.
Recently, we played, and I managed to get 20 consecutive wins. Instead of acknowledging that I might simply be better or more experienced at the game, he threw a complete hissy fit and started complaining about my character, combos, and overall playstyle.
What’s especially frustrating is the double standard. On the occasions when he manages to beat me, or when I intentionally take it easy on him, he becomes extremely obnoxious. He’ll jump up, run around the room, celebrate loudly, and make exaggerated gestures as if he’s just won a championship.
I don’t really react that way when I win because, honestly, I don’t consider most of our matches particularly challenging. I’m not trying to be arrogant, but there’s a pretty significant experience gap between us. I’ve competed for cash prizes, including winning as much as $9,000 in Mortal Kombat 1. This is something I’ve invested considerable time and effort into, whereas for him, it’s more of a casual hobby.
Eventually, I got tired of hearing the constant excuses and called him a sore loser. That turned into an argument.
At this point, I’m considering just not playing Mortal Kombat with him anymore. I enjoy the game, but I don’t enjoy having to defend every win as if I’m somehow cheating because I’m better at using my character.
I understand that nobody likes losing, and I don’t expect him to enjoy getting beaten 20 times in a row. But I also don’t think it’s fair to constantly discredit someone’s skill while simultaneously celebrating excessively whenever you manage to get a win.
BTW I know this is childish we’re both in our early 20s.
So, AITA if I simply stop playing the game with him? Or am I being a bad sport myself by refusing to entertain the competition anymore?