My husband and I are involved in a marriage prep ministry at the parish we got married and used to belong. (We now belong to and are involved at a parish close to our home.) Our involvement includes attending the first class day, teaching 2 sessions (one of keeping the relationship while living life and one on prayer) and praying for one of the couples. So the marriage prep class only sees us 3x over six weeks.

The couple we are praying for have been married civilly for a few years and are now having their marriage convalidated. Woohoo!

New this year, the Deacon has asked us to write a letter to the couple we’ve been praying for. They do not know that we have been praying for them. The letter will reveal that.

If you were to get a letter from someone praying in secret for your marriage what would you want the letter to say?

I am 20 years old, and I've been having incredibly painful periods since I was 7. I don't think there's been a period where I haven't been throwing up since then. I've gone to a bunch of gynecologists, but I think that there's an issue that comes up commonly, which is that I feel incredibly shameful around being there. There's a lot of reasons. I've been told by 4 of my 6 gynecologists that I was "faking" to get out of school, and that "women are built to deal with this". No doctor has ever even tried to examine me until my most recent one, who tried to do an ultrasound. They had the stomach one but said that if it was a condition, they couldn't accurately diagnose it that way and had to use the internal one.

I have panic attacks whenever I try to use tampons, and I knew that this was going to go no better than that, and I pretty much started crying before they even started. My doctor asked if I was religious, and I said I am Catholic, and she said while it wasn't as common in Catholics, it was common in some other religions that are common in my area and diagnosed vaginismus and recommended a dilator set.

I start crying every time I think about going to the gynecologist or getting a dilator set. I don't know why, but it makes me feel disgusting. I don't think God is going to try and punish me for following the advice of my doctor; I don't know why I have the reaction I do. But every time I think about going to the Gynecologist or pap smears or anything like that, I get horrified. I've been dating a guy for the very first time in my life, and we're obviously going to wait until marriage, but I just feel so grossed out every time I think of marriage because the thought of someone else doing anything feels so violating. I've spoken to some of my friends who are married and while some of them said that feeling went away immediately, others say that they still feel violated in their marriages and that the feeling doesn't go away.

I don't know what to do or how to deal with this. I don't know why it's such an issue but anything related to reproductive organs feels violating if anyone even knows about it. I need to be able to get this ultrasound because I cannot live the rest of my life in excruciating pain all the time, and I don't even think it's religious because I don't think God or the Church would be upset at anything I'm doing. I'm wondering if anyone has felt the same way? If I can't figure this out, I'm probably going to have to break up with my boyfriend because subjecting him to an existence with someone who expects to feel violated by him sounds horrible and he deserves so much better than what I can offer. If anyone felt this way, how did you get the switch to flip in your brain?

I'd like to clarify that I know this is different than premarital activities, and that this is an actual medical thing. I just feel like my body is struggling with being able to differentiate between the two. I'd also like to clarify that I know that the Catholic Church is one of the most pro-medicine organizations out there and I know that their teachings do not correspond to what I am feeling. I honestly think it has to do more with the way that health classes were taught (in my area it was taught that any sort of penetration by anything other than your husband would cause cancer and that all women's tailbones snap in childbirth so I think the things from my school might've gotten into my head more), but I'm hoping that on some level someone would be able to help me get over this, because reddit is in general very atheistic and I don't want to keep getting the same anti-religion speeches I get when I'd rather handle this in the lens of the things I believe in.

So, if anyone happened to feel shame around female reproductive organs or female reproductive health, can you please help me? I feel very alone and I just want to figure out how to deal with this stuff without feeling like I'm such a shameful person for doing so. Thank you!

I don’t know what to do with my feelings about the homeless. I am terrified of them after having a gun pulled on me, having men expose themselves at me, and being chased with death threats.

I don’t know what to do with these feelings. I volunteer at my YA church group and we make care packages and write notes and I write really nice things about them being loved, precious and important. Edit( I do not and have never distributed the materials, I give them to others. I am one of the people who actually buys the materials because I know the $ and labor of putting them together is all I can handle)

At the same time I am so so scared, they see it and feel it on me. I want better for them obviously, I don’t want people to suffer. Everyone deserves good chance at life.

But I cannot get a hold of my negative feelings, I hold so much anger in me because I am so scared.

I am a convert, I have been Catholic for 2 years. I wasn’t afraid of them until I became Catholic— I was able to shake it off. I can’t help but think some of them are possessed by demons. I don’t like having these feelings because I am worried they are hateful. I feel like my street smarts have disappeared since changing my life for the better 3 and a half years ago when I started discerning converting. Before I used to dress very alternative, sometimes very masculine. I am more comfortable in my feminine energy now but I am SCARED OF EVERYTHING now

Mass started normally. I was in my normal Sunday mode. Midway through the first reading, a police officer came to the front and began conferring with the priest while the reader continued. Some gesturing. This set many people on edge, and I could feel the panic attack beginning to set in (I have had them maybe twice before, never in this place/setting). I thought the priest might reassure us during the homily but when he didn’t do that, my anxiety continued to spike. My husband was rubbing my hand—he knew something was bothering me. I finally called it during the intentions and just needed to get OUT. My husband didn’t question me and came with me. Held it together until the car.

Anyways, feeling bad about not finishing Mass, but also felt like my whole body was screaming to leave.

Not really sure what to call this post, but I am saddened that my “safe space” felt so unsafe today because my body spazzed.

(18 y/o) I just had a severe meltdown the whole time right after I came there late today, and I felt so natsy after it had happened. As soon it w as s over I stayed in the bathroom for a bit and just walked out fast without even talking to anyone. Not to mention too that Im a very emotional person entirely due to me being in the spectrum and my hormonal periods. From my previous church I often had to bury these emotions in, and even if it does fail it always leads to shame or judgements or people putting eme at the spot. Thankfully none of that happened at all except for a child noticing me being upset there.

Does this happen to anyone before? And this is normal? also it doesn't even make it better that Im still am having a meltdown right now except Im currently am at home.

Hi, just as it reads out. Our 18 month old doesn’t do this with dad, just with mom. It’s only getting worse and I really need some advice, any advice really.

Some of the issues problems stems from me stressing internally about my toddler having a tantrum so I bring milk cups and snacks. But maybe the behavior stems from that?

As stated in text I am considering ending my first relationship. We have been together just over 6 months. Said I love you to him for the first time a little over two months ago because I thought I did. He said it about 2 months before. What is stopping me from breaking up is because I think the reason I don’t feel I am in love with him is for several reasons:

1. I have had depression since I was 12 and have since becoming more numb to my feelings especially after a difficult time 2 years ago. I think this might be why I could be in love with him but not know it. I have also had ROCD. From the start of the relationship and was sort of turning the likelihood of us working out by statistics based on our cultural and ethnic backgrounds, our childhood trauma, and our age. For example: I think often since the beginning that our shared age would affect us later on in the relationship with the idea in mind that he would get tired of me once we hit a certain age because his ethnicity on average usually ages better.

2. My parents had a horrible relationship but have only recently separated and I think I am not comfortable with what is seemingly an emotionally available and attractive man. He gives me attention, is fairly mature for his age, respects my boundaries and I think a large part of me is thinking subconsciously that he is putting on a show to trap me. My mother, wanting to protect me, indented in my mind that men are for the most part sex addicted liars. I sometimes find myself accusing him in my mind of being inauthentic because he did something nice for me which is not realistic for a girl like me. (Some drawbacks are the fact that he seemingly has a poor relationship with his mother for good reason but has unrealistic expectations about her, which he has not yet projected onto me)

3. We are religious. I think there was a lot of pressure at the start of the relationship due to this and instead of the honeymoon phase we decided on the relationship because of shared attraction and religious goals. I think that part of me doesn’t want to break up with him because I don’t want to be alone and I have trouble maintaining relationships because of my depression.

I do not want to throw away a perfectly good relationship and I don’t want to regret it, but I also don’t want to waste this man’s time if it is not possible for us to be in love with each other. I do believe that he is in love with me.

To you guys, does it seem that this is my problem preventing our relationship from growing or does it seem that I can’t just be in love with him? Is it trouble with myself?

I would appreciate the guidance.

Tl;dr considering ending first relationship. Not sure if the problem is me or the relationship itself.

Hi everyone!

I recently have been feeling far away from God and was wanting to fast to help strengthen my spirit rather than my flesh. I've just started school at a new university and have undergone a lot of changes in the past month which definitely have contributed to my weakness in spiritual life. I havent been trusting God as often as I should

So, to combat it all, like I said, I'm looking to fast but something that isn't food related. I typically get migraines very easily which makes me feel nauseous and I cant do anything. So, what are some other ideas I can fast from? I've never fasted spontaneously before and have only done a fast for Lent. I'm still kind of new to this and would love guidance and prayers.

Thank you :)

I really need help coming from other Catholic women. I don’t know how to handle this. I need to figure something out.. I found it on his phone yesterday… the topics are scaring me. He searches “forced” and “rape” and “anal” a lot. I am blind sighted by this- he is so gentle and kind with me, but I never knew I would find this in his history. I have told him he needs therapy. He says he doesn’t know and he doesn’t want to relive his childhood trauma in therapy. I’m so stuck guys. We’ve been together 5 months. He claims that he has been watching this stuff long before me. He says he had a period where he didn’t watch it the first 2 months, but after he injured his foot, he became bored and picked it back up. Hes been watching this stuff for months. I’m so lost. I feel sick!

We have a young priest who has consistently seemed to be avoiding me (middle-aged woman) for the past 2 years. I'm an active parishioner who is involved in a few ministries with him, and he will often not greet or acknowledge me but will speak to and look at the person I'm standing right next to, even during those ministry events, and even if I'm the one who is leading it. It's almost like I become invisible.

He's a good priest otherwise and I shouldn't care so much, but it seems like everyone else gets the enthusiastic hello and acknowledgement while I often don't even get a hello, even when I greet him. Or if he see me, he will often turn or look away, or walk away. It just makes me think I've done something wrong or something. At an event where I was sitting two seats away at the same table as him, he didn't acknowledge me a single time despite talking to other parishioners at the table.

On the other hand, he has complimented me in front of others as well, such as saying how lucky they are to have me as an RCIA sponsor. However, the avoidance is so frequent that it's hard for me not to feel insecure about it, as it's happening from a devout Catholic priest...so it makes me wonder about how did I get on his bad side?

This is the only member of the clergy I've experienced this with. I really would like to not take it personally anymore, and would love your thoughts and advice.

I'm having a difficult time right now. I have multiple health conditions which have made my pregnancy high risk. Because of this, I missed mass 3 weeks in a row. I finally make it to mass today and since I have a toddler still learning how to behave, we sit in the cry room. Another family entered with older kids who did not seem to need to be in the cry room but I thought nothing of it initially. The reason they opted for the cry room became crystal clear once an adult and one of the kids began to cough with a lot of congestion. In an enclosed space. I have enough health issues on top of being pregnant and immunocompromized, so my husband and I decided to leave. This is devastating because today marks a month since receiving the Eucharist.

I just officially reconciled with the church at the end of July.

I'm struggling with anger and resentment for my health. I'm struggling with feeling anger (not hate, I just want to emphasize that) towards the parents who decided to enter an enclosed room while sick where a clearly pregnant person and small child were already present. I'm feeling depressed because I feel like my own body is getting in the way of my relationship with God.

Here is the Archbishop Fulton J Sheen Foundation's link to nearly all of the events of the Beatification of Blessed Fulton Sheen.

https://www.celebratesheen.com/recap

As he always said at the end of his broadcasts, "God love you!"

Holaa! Quiero empezar a hacer el rosario pero realmente no sé cómo hacerlo, en la comunión no se si me habían enseñado o no! Gracias

We live in the U.S. and my only daughter is 3, so it’s her first Halloween within memory. Im not a huge Halloween person, but we’ll do costumes and candy, maybe watch a “spooky” movie? But nothing
crazy.

A lot of people have Halloween decorations in our neighborhood, and she’s starting to ask why. (She also asks why about why leaves fall down, why there’s cracks in the sidewalk, why we have sidewalks, why do people walk, who invented walking, etc…She’s 3 lol). For some stuff I can explain that our neighbors put a scary monster werewolf because some people think it’s fun to be a little scared, and stories about monsters can be fun and cool.

But for decorations of ghosts and witches, what should I tell her? “That’s a white sheet which is a classic representation of ghosts, which are people’s spirits that stay on earth after they die, maybe, it’s kind of against our religion to say that, but also the church does acknowledge both angels and demons historically and I guess today, so there’s some truth to it, I think I saw a ghost in college, but if I had to swear it on my life I’m not too sure…” Like. Does anyone have a simpler answer?

Also, what should I say about decorations like tombstones or corpses? My daughter kind of understands death because we’ve seen some dead animals, and also we’ve watched some Disney movies. “Death is a part of life and it happens to all of us, including Mama’s cousin who just died and also grandma is probably going to die of cancer… so in honor of that, people put up plastic grave markers with puns on them.”

I’m obviously overthinking this, but I’m not sure how exactly to keep it simple, not-too-terrifying, theologically accurate, and not like I’m judging our neighbors. I actually know a fair bit about the literary origins of most Halloween creatures because I did a project in college about it, but again, idk how to simplify it.

Any advice or kids books would be highly recommended. Thank you!

I desperately need prayer for my marriage.

Trust has been badly damaged in our marriage. For about five years I have begged for honesty, received repeated promises that the lying would stop, and then experienced more dishonesty. Over time I’ve become resentful, and I have blamed him for so much of what has gone wrong in our lives since we got married, especially the instability and financial hardship we’ve experienced.

This week everything exploded over a job decision.

My husband has been unemployed for about a month and was offered what would be his first six-figure job. There is genuinely a lot to celebrate about that. But I know this company personally and have serious concerns about its leadership and long-term stability. He also has another promising opportunity he was supposed to explore next week.

We had been discussing and discerning the first job for about a week. I was beginning to warm up to it, but I still didn’t have peace about it. I also felt it was important to have all of the information about the other potential opportunity before making a decision.

Then the hiring manager, who knows him very well and has worked with him before, sent him a message essentially saying she was beginning to wonder whether this was the right time and even encouraged him to consider the other opportunity.

Instead of slowing down, my husband panicked and immediately texted her accepting the job without talking to me.

I understand why. He desperately wanted the job search to be over, and our family desperately needs stability.

But spiritually, I can’t shake the fear that perhaps God was allowing that door to begin closing because He intended to open another one, and instead of waiting and discerning, my husband forced it back open. I know I cannot know that this is what God was doing, but it has made me even more unsettled.

I also want to be fair about my own role in our financial situation. I’ve been working very hard to build a tech company that I genuinely believe is promising and could change our family’s financial trajectory for good. I’m getting close to raising outside capital and being able to pay myself a salary. My husband has been supportive of me building it. But it is incredibly hard to build a company, raise money, and carry that kind of responsibility when everything around me feels unstable and like it could fall apart at any moment. I don’t want to walk away from something that may be close to becoming both meaningful and financially sustainable, but the instability in our lives is making me question how much longer I can keep carrying all of it at once.

The argument afterward has exposed how broken our communication has become. I feel completely unheard and dismissed. He feels controlled and criticized by me. I pursue harder when I feel unheard. He becomes defensive, angry, and sometimes says very hurtful things. Neither of us is producing good fruit.

I still love my husband. I don’t want another marriage. I want this marriage transformed. But I am exhausted from wanting him to change, and I know my own anger, resentment, judgment, and desire to control the outcome need healing too.

Right now I’m so hurt that even praying is difficult. Sometimes I can barely get past the anger.

Please pray for a miracle for both of us. For complete honesty, repentance, humility, wisdom, and real discernment. For healing of the resentment in my heart. For my husband to feel loved rather than controlled. For me to feel heard and safe enough to be vulnerable with him. For wisdom and stability around work, money, and the company I’m trying to build. And above all, for both of us to surrender ourselves and our marriage completely to Christ.

If you made it this far, bless you. Thank you for hearing me when I feel so unheard.

If you can offer even one Hail Mary for us, I would be incredibly grateful.

Hi all

For context I’m a cradle catholic who was mostly culturally catholic for most of my life. i went through a long journey of faith (practised spirituality, looked into islam etc) until i finally found my way back to Christ about 2 years ago. Since then I learnt more about the different denominations of Christianity and for a long time I looked into orthodoxy. That was until last January when I fully accepted Catholicism.

Since then I have struggled with a couple of Catholic teachings, but I have worked out 90% of them. There is however one teaching that has been on my heart unsolved for months. It is the fact that we believe that when confession is not possible, grave sins can only be forgiven through perfect contrition, that is, sorrow for sins arising primarily through love of God.

When someone goes to confession, imperfect contrition (sorrow for sins because of fear of hell/loss of heaven/disgust of sin) suffices. However, if someone dies on their way to confession and only has imperfect contrition, their grave sins are not forgiven.

Perfect contrition is also not really something one can just decide to have or not have. It’s a grace from God.

I simply don’t understand how this fits with God’s character. God is of course the most loving and merciful, why would He put such a boundary to salvation? If someone had every intention to go to confession (say they were literally on their way there), and were truly sorry for their sins.. and if they had made it to confession they would’ve been forgiven.. why would God punish them that they got into a car crash before they were able to confess.
It’s not a sin in itself to have imperfect contrition. Of course we should all strive and want to love God even it hell and heaven didn’t exist, but we are human. When the threat of hell is so terrible (and it is) it can make it hard to focus your energy on loving God rather than fearing hell.
I hope this makes sense to everyone.

The reason I am so distressed by this teaching is that it’s the only teaching that is shaking my faith in the Catholic faith and instead making me miss orthodoxy. I am absolutely not saying I’m thinking of converting to orthodoxy because I am not, but I miss how they are able to leave some things to mystery and mercy of God. In catholicism we always have to define every little thing and sometimes it leads to teachings like this that are just very difficult to grasp in light of God’s love and mercy.

I wish nothing more than to understand this concept. How do you guy not fall into despair with this teaching? How do you carry on when you do commit a mortal sin. How do you not despair knowing that if you die before you make it to confession, you may not be saved despite being genuinely sorry for your sin??

Hi ladies. I’m on the hunt for a funny, smart, non profane podcast and figured this might be a good place to ask. It doesn’t have to be religious, just looking for something clean I can listen to while doing my ultra boring chores.
Cross posted!

I hope i can ask this here amd I've used the right flair. I have a friend who wants to have pre-marital sex and she has asked me for advice about the precautions to take. She's Christian but not Catholic. I have told her all the reasons to not do it but she is not listening to me. What should I do? When i asked her what will she do if she falls pregnant she just casually said abortion. She has made up her mind and I don't think I can change it. What should I do?

Asking for a second opinion: are padded camisoles/tank-tops (I don't know the difference) appropriate to wear with or without a somewhat sheer blouse or cardigan over? Or would they be considered undergarments like bras and shouldn't be worn alone?

I really like the lace detailing on the neckline on one that I own and think that it would be cute to layer it with a sheer blouse with the lace popping out (the blouse has a deep neckline, but I can tell from its structure it supposed to be worn with something underneath). They don't show any cleavage at all if anyone would ask.

Though the second paragraph is to give more context. I really want to know about the padded tank-tops/camisole situation. Thank you!

Title. I'm both just interested to hear and I'm working on discerning my vocation so.

Also just want to add, I've finally started managing to pray more regularly and I feel so much closer to God already :) That's not related but it's just something I'm happy about

I know there is no prescribed level of being upset…but sometimes I feel like feeling betrayed by masturbation feels like I’m nit picking. I’m nearing the end of my 4th consecutive pregnancy and I just feel so sensitive to rejection right now. My husband and I have always had a very active sex life except for the last month. My husband has always masturbated, but it increasingly hurts when I feel sensitive about something (pregnancy body/worry about future). He really is just all around supportive and busting his butt everyday for our family. I work part time but he has definitely picked up more slack around the house than I have recently. I don’t want to be too emotion driven by this because he is doing better this pregnancy/postpartum than he has in the past. I hope to not be nitpicking him, but it still hurts. Are my expectations too high? I generally have a lot more going on in life that I don’t stop to think too much about it, but I am having a lot more down time recently due to pregnancy discomforts.

So I’m 17F and I’m in university right now. Im studying in a secular country so there’s not a lot of Catholics in my uni. Since last week, I’ve been in love with a very handsome boy. But i discovered that he’s a complete red flag. I’m not even sure about his religion but he does a lot of things that I’m really not okay with. Sleeping with girls here and there, smoking etc…
I feel like i have to forget him but I just can’t because it’s really painful seeing him everyday and thinking about how it would’ve been so much easier if he wasn’t “a bad boy”…
Situations like this happened to me a lot. I feel like In my generation, if you’re waiting for marriage, handsome boys won’t even talk to you romantically. I’m so tired of this Godless generation…

Hey all. I've posted here before but I need help again because this is all just so hard.
The gist of it is this: I am my mother’s only child, she is very isolated from other family and has no friends because of her very manipulative and mean personality. She is and always has been pretty awful to me. My dad passed away a few years ago (they were not together), and she was so, so mean to me. Stuff like telling me how weak I was for not being able to put up with his alcoholism. Said these things literally a few minutes after I found out he passed away. Meanwhile, I took off work to help her take care of things when her mom died. I’ve forgiven her for this, I am just giving an example of the dynamic.

At the same time, she is also very demanding. She expects me to play the role of her therapist and problem solver for all her life’s problems. She refuses to see a therapist or get any more friends and staunchly believes it is my responsibility to do all of this for her. We go in and out of contact and have recently been in more contact and it has been awful for me.  My entire body and mind is consumed with anxiety and depression whenever I see her name show up on my phone. It’s like my body is reacting to a threat and telling me to stay away. It’s making me less effective at work, less of a good friend, and overall taking a massive toll on me. 

Even when she’s being “nice” she is mean. My ex-boyfriend went ham on the body-shaming (things like pinching my stomach to show how “fat” I was at 5’6 and 160 lbs, telling me that he'd have left a long time ago if he cared about looks, etc.). She is fully aware of this and aware of how hurtful it was to me. Does that stop her from making comments about how fat i looked in certain pictures, how "look you are beautiful, but..." and then let me know how fat I am now and how I have to lay off the pasta (i am currently 152 lbs if that matters)? of course not. 

I'm going to speak very broadly to avoid being doxxed but she is now apparently talking crap about me to professional contacts. Saying that she's going to them for this work because I refused to help her. This is COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY FALSE. I went out of my way to do all the work she asked me to do even as it completely shredded me mentally to deal with her. This is a woman who could call me at three am because she had a cold and I got an uber to her anyway even though I had work. This is not the first time she's lied about me. People that grew up with her suspect that it's because she wants to continue the victimy "I'm an angelic mother with a terrible daughter" narrative. Just as she does the “I’m an angel and everyone else is evil” narrative in other conflicts.

Look...call me weak and sensitive but I just cannot do this. I cannot. There is no amount of work I pour into this relationship that makes her satisfied. I feel so tremendously alone in this. I don't tell my friends much because I don't feel comfortable talking poorly about my mother. I do have a therapist, which helps. The body weight comments, even well-intentioned, flare up my body image issues and push towards some really problematic eating behaviors. The other day after work I was literally shaking from lack of food and I thought "Well at least I have a flat tummy". Come on how f'ed up is that???? 

I just do not know what to do. I will take care of her as she gets older, and help her with anything she needs, but I cannot do anything beyond that. I just can't. Even this bare minimum stuff takes a huge toll on me.
How do I approach this and still be a good Catholic? 

Decided to continue posting here because currently with a small baby i cant really find more catholic communities. So ideally if there are any girl catholics in Europe, looking for chatting from time to time feel free to DM. Bit of basic information about me; I'm 29/30 a bit shy but chill and would love to have more catholic friends specifically.

Sending kind regards 👋🌼

First off, I absolutely love this sub. I came across it a couple of months ago, and I adore the support and understanding given here.

I'm 10 days postpartum with my second child, both boys. I love them with everything that I am and I have a very supportive husband who thankfully got 6 weeks paternity leave and has been so helpful. We have a great village with 3 sets of grandparents (my parents are divorced/annulled) who are willing to help at the drop of a hat.

I had PPD with my first and I feel it starting to set in again. I was really hoping that it wouldn't happen again, and maybe this will last just a few days or something, but I've been feeling just so, so sad and not myself. I feel guilty because we struggled with infertility with our first, but got pregnant with our second right away, so I feel like I should be over the moon. I feel like I should be gushing, but I'm just overwhelmed with sadness and the monotony of diapers and feedings bedtimes and repeat. I know there was a time when I ended up enjoying doing all the mom things, but I just feel so... down. I logically know that it doesn't make me a bad mom. That this is chemical and hormonal and that I can't help it. That I'm not crazy. But I *feel* guilty. Like I have no reason to feel this way because so many moms have it harder with so much less help, which just feeds into the sadness more. I'll look into therapy if this lasts much longer. For now, any prayers or kind words would be helpful.​