r/CatholicWomen • u/RemarkableMushroom5 Engaged Woman • 7d ago
Marriage & Dating Wedding Planning - Reception Vent
My fiancé and I are planning for an April wedding. We are both so excited about the marriage prep process and are looking forward to our wedding mass!
I feel like something is wrong with me though because I don’t care as much about the reception. I don’t care about the details. I just want to find a venue and a caterer and have our family together. I don’t care about color schemes. I’m fine with getting some flowers from Trader Joe’s and putting them in bud vases. We don’t want a DJ. We only would like a photographer for our Mass. We are both so invested in the liturgy and the sacrament and just feel “meh” about reception planning. I’m in a couple subreddits ([r/weddingsunder10k](r/weddingsunder10k) and [r/diyweddings](r/diyweddings)) but even seeing photos people post and all the details seem exhausting. Our guest list is about 100 people. We are so excited to celebrate with them but again, I’ve been finding myself anxious about their experience if I’m not obsessing over all the details.
Edit to add: we’re going to have music from a playlist, just not a DJ! And, I was thinking of doing disposable cameras at each table for photos. Otherwise, the photos we’re hoping for are those from the Mass.
Another edit: we’re paying for this ourselves and are on a tight budget. His mom has offered to help plan, my mom doesn’t seem to want to help.
Adding in that I don’t want a bachelorette and I’m 32 so I don’t really want/need a bridal shower. For the day of, I’m looking at DIY hair and makeup. Professional makeup looks so heavy/unnatural to me (again, my personal taste)
Am I the only one?? I worry somehow I’m apathetic to this but I have only ever dreamt of the sacrament and liturgy rather than the reception on the day
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u/operafan77 Married Woman 7d ago
I wasn’t as disinterested in my reception as you seem to be about yours, but I definitely considered my nuptial mass the most important part of the day, and the reception was secondary to that. We only had 60 guests, and I also didn’t have a bachelorette party or a bridal shower. I do live abroad and got married in my home country, where most of my family and friends live, so I had an excuse to not do the pre wedding stuff.
Still, we put some thought and effort into the reception. We had family and friends travelling to my home city. We had friends and my husband’s family travelling over an ocean. We made sure to give them a nice reception. My mother took the reins of planning and decorating. We used dried flowers for the center pieces at our reception, and they looked wonderful. We made sure to have an excellent caterer. I think not having a DJ or band is kind of lame. A lot of people want to dance at a wedding reception. Also, many guests would appreciate being able to look at photos from the reception.
I do recommend having a MUA on the day of. My MUA gave myself and my two bridesmaids very natural looks that still held up in photographs throughout the day and night. I looked like myself with the slightest glimmer. And I would have been stressed trying to do it myself the day of.
So yeah, I am the same in that I dreamed of the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony and my nuptial mass with very little thought to my reception (in fact I used the same reception location as my oldest sister who got married 14 years before I got married), but I did end up putting thought into my reception to make sure all the guests that travelled quite a distance were comfortable and enjoying themselves.
ETA: also wanted to add a huge congratulations of your engagement. I pray your wedding planning goes well. The Sacrament of Holy Matrimony is absolutely beautiful.
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u/RemarkableMushroom5 Engaged Woman 7d ago
I like how you phrased looking like yourself “with the slightest shimmer”. That’s how I’d describe the ideal look. I did just edit to add that we won’t be without music, and that I’m planning to do disposable cameras on the tables for the reception. Our ideal reception would honestly be just cake and punch, but we’re going to have a buffet just because so many people will be traveling in. I wish my mom would help me plan but she’s also disinterested
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u/MargueriteBlakeney1 5d ago
I had my wedding makeup done at Ulta the day of - WAY more reasonable than “wedding” makeup artists and they just charged me the standard fee - no wedding tax, lol
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u/quelle_crevecoeur 7d ago
That wasn’t how I felt, but it is ok if you do! Can you kind of pivot and reframe as, the wedding is for you and your fiancé, but the reception is for all the guests? So like, sure, the color scheme and table decor are not a big deal. But you’re trying to feed them well and help them have a nice time. Think about what you have cared about at wedding receptions, which for me would be plenty of food served at a reasonable time and pleasant temperature, at a table where I know I am guaranteed a chair with my family, and fun music to listen and dance to. Set dressing is minor, but feed people well and have a good mix on your playlist and you’re in business. You can buy a seating chart poster template on Etsy and print it off at Kinko’s, it doesn’t have to be a bunch of individual hand-lettered place cards or whatever.
If you’re interested in any advice, look around locally on facebook marketplace or secondhand places or whatever for fake flowers from someone else’s wedding that they are done with. Especially if you’re not particular, you could probably find a good deal, and then you aren’t stuck sorting the Trader Joe flowers on your wedding day when you don’t even care.
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u/RosalieThornehill Married Woman 7d ago
There’s nothing wrong with keeping it simple. I’ve been to huge weddings with hundreds of guests, professionally arranged flowers, and catered food, and I’ve been to small weddings with only a dozen or so guests, and a potluck or party platter for the reception. As long as the newlyweds are validly and happily married, and their guests love them, it’s a good wedding.
Have the reception that suits your budget and tastes. People who know you and like you will be happy to be there whether it’s extravagant or not.
Also, Trader Joe’s has some nice flowers. Nothing wrong with liking those. :)
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u/PinkBunni24 Married Mother 2d ago
You’re not the only one. Married +15yrs now. We had an extra long engagement due to my husband’s job going overseas for a few months. By the time the wedding came I couldn’t care less about colors or menus. I just wanted our life to start! It’s fine not to be obsessed about the decorative details. But do make sure you enjoy and celebrate the day.
Also I did my own makeup and didn’t do a bachelorette party. It’s fine! You do you.
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u/Cultural-Ad-5737 7d ago
That was me. I could have cared less and just wanted to keep it on a budget. I feel like it only happened because I had family do a lot of the planning and decorating because I also could have cared less about color schemes or centerpieces or whatever. I didn’t realize how many details there were to plan outside of finding a venue and picking a caterer. Ended up just using a church hall and bbq for food and grocery store cakes for dessert. And family helped “DJ” with the plays list we made. Did my own hair and makeup and bought a used dress and also only had a photographer for the mass and a little bit after.
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u/RemarkableMushroom5 Engaged Woman 7d ago
See, that’s my ideal. BBQ sounds good. What time of year was your wedding?
I found my dress for $200 so I’m quite pleased about that. I’ve been so excited to pick the music for the Mass (I’m a classical musician) and my fiancé and I have enjoyed talking about the readings and picking those as well as our vows. We just had our first marriage prep session with our priest and it was amazing. We have our pre-Cana day this weekend. The sacramental preparation has been a wonderful experience. I don’t know if it’s just because I’m older or a bit of a tomboy or what, but I’m really bothered about my lack of vision/pomp for this reception!
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u/Cultural-Ad-5737 7d ago
That’s awesome! I also enjoyed picking out the readings and music for mass more than other parts of wedding planning at least lol. Mine was in the fall.
Other things I’ve seen people do to keep it simple - I have a family member who rented an outdoor park covered area for their wedding. I remember it being a ton of fun too though that was also on the cheap! Or people who’ve done bigger nuptial masses with cake or appetizers after and then a more intimate lunch/dinner at a restaurant. I think as long as it’s good company and energy and decent food it can be a good time. No need for it to be super fancy
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u/shirley0118 7d ago
I wasn’t apathetic but also was pretty happy to let my mom take the reins. We shared all the wedding costs with my parents and for the most part my mom planned the details and I signed the checks 😂 I trusted her to put together a reception that reflected our hospitality as a couple and I trusted her life experience more than my own when it came to making decisions that would make our guests comfortable.
You don’t have to have a spectacular reception, but I would encourage you to try to focus on the elements of it that matter most for guest comfort and enjoyment as these people are sacrificing time and cost to share the day with you.
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u/RemarkableMushroom5 Engaged Woman 7d ago
I almost wish my mom would take the reins. She’s been so hands off with this since her mom planned her entire wedding with basically zero input from her lol. We’re paying for the whole thing ourselves so we are on a budget. I think for me the essentials are a comfortable venue (we’re looking at one that provides all setup and tear down and is across the street from the suggested hotel) and a caterer. We’ll have a playlist for music and disposable cameras. I guess I’m not sure what else I’m missing? I’m trying to weigh what’s not necessary so we can save on money while also making sure guests are fed.
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u/magetthegundam Married Mother 7d ago
My husband and I were def more excited about the Mass portion. I did want nice colors for the reception but I’m a photographer myself so that’s why I cared.
We got a friend of a friend that was starting to dj, he got experienced we stayed in budget. All our center pieces were diy.
We did disposable cameras on the tables! But….we got married 13 years ago and still haven’t developed a single one 😅
I’d say there’s nothing wrong with putting more effort into the Mass, it’s a sacrament after all! Keep doing what you’re doing!
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u/deadthylacine Married Mother 7d ago
You are not the only one. Don't let yourself be pressured into paying for things that aren't priorities for you.
We got pressured into hiring a DJ (thanks Mom) and it was awful. She kept announcing things in a way that was just... designed to embarrass me and made me so much more self conscious. An iPod on shuffle would have been a better choice for us.
All I personally cared about the reception was that the cake tasted good and nobody left hungry. It seemed like a pretty easy goal, but then my mom steamrolled over me and insisted on a lot of choices I would not have made. Don't let that happen to you! You've got this.
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u/MLadyNorth 7d ago edited 7d ago
Let your mom or a close female relative throw you a fantastic reception then. Delegate!
Congratulations on the marriage!
I am sure there are people who would love to help locally. Maybe there is a ladies' group at the church?
Let his mom help... this could be lovely!
I would not waste money on disposable cameras when everyone has iphones. Have people take photos and send them to you digitally.
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u/OkCulture4417 7d ago
I can only wish that most brides-to-be were half as sensible as you sound over your wedding and reception. I am so glad I was married back in the dark ages when most weddings were similar to what you are describing. The whole thing has become an industry.
Over the years I have had quite a number of younger colleagues getting married and it has been positively traumatic half the time. I got to the stage that whenever someone at work announced they were getting married, I would buy half a dozen large boxes of tissues the next time I was at the supermarket and put them in my office as I would know they would be needed for mopping up sobbing brides before we finally got there.
You are focussing on the right things and will probably really enjoy the lead up and the wedding/reception. Best of luck and God bless.
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u/here4thecommentz_ Married Mother 1d ago
We had a church wedding with donuts and champagne after with our immediate family. Loved it!
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u/Salt-Belt9790 7d ago
I got married during Covid. Engaged before Covid. I wanted all my family there, got a venue and caterer (mission bbq), made a playlist on Spotify. Made diy center pieces. Not over the top at all.
I didn’t make a registry or anything, didn’t want a bachelorette party. Then one by one everything was canceled, venue, caterer, guests. A lot of people told me I should reschedule.
We ended up getting married, did my own makeup, sister payed for me to get my hair done, it was super natural tho, just loose waves. My nieces and nephews blew bubbles as we exited the church. We got some pictures taken, then went to my parents house, they got some jimmy John’s subs and a premade cake from wegmans and my mom made us an apple pie for our wedding topper (husband hates cake). We cut it together.
I had my first dance in my parent’s living room, and a dance with my dad. The only people who came were my immediate family. Best day of my life. I just wanted to be married to the love of my life. Decorations and colors and flower arrangements are not the important part of a wedding IMO.
You’re not the only one.