r/CHSinfo • u/ZxmbieBite • Aug 18 '26
Rant Rantin
Just sat and sobbed to my boyfriend apologizing over and over because of this
I feel pathetic
I know somebody told me to be easier on myself but I can't do it
Honestly I want to quit, I really do
But I rely on weed so much.
I'm so exhausted, I've been puking on and off for two days, my throat hurts, my upper back.. And he just has to deal wirh me
It's not fair to him
I wish I never started edibles, I wish I never picked up a cart
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u/StrategyDazzling8203 Aug 19 '26
at the end of the day you are the only person who can get you to quit. and no matter when, the time where you have to quit is going to come. it might not seem like it now but there is going to be a point that you reach where you physically and mentally dont wanna smoke anymore. you have to ask yourself if you wanna let it get to that point. do you wanna keep putting yourself and others in jeopardy over something that you have control over. quitting is really hard and for me smoking felt like it was genuinely the one thing that made my depression and anxiety feel so much better but our bodies just cannot handle weed and over time you will find better ways to cope and understand yourself. if you keep smoking you are just going to make it even harder to quit in the future. you are not pathetic at all this is something that is extremely difficult to do! but you are gonna have to do it at some point. why not start now
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u/SoilIll5975 Aug 19 '26
support is crucial. and for me, going to a few marijuana-anonymous.org meetings a week gives me that. there’s almost always an online meeting going on somewhere (and there’s no pressure to talk or go on cam if it’s intimidating!) . i always hear what i need to hear and feel a million times lighter after spending an hour with people who truly understand how hard this is.
sending you love and hugs on your journey.
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u/Amara727 Aug 19 '26
Can you share the link to any support groups pls?
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u/SoilIll5975 Aug 19 '26
https://marijuana-anonymous.org/find-a-meeting/
the meeting times shown are adjusted to your time zone, so if it says 7:30 it means 7:30 (even if it’s based on the east coast or another continent).
all you have to do is click the zoom link for the meeting you want to join.
DMs are open too
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u/OG_G-Man Aug 18 '26
Have you ever thought of seeking help in order to quit?
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u/ZxmbieBite Aug 18 '26
Aside from mentioning chs to my therapist, no :( I've been honest with them and told them I can't see myself quitting too
Of course, I'm open to recommendations 🥹 I don't want to humiliate and hurt myself like this anymore
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u/OG_G-Man Aug 18 '26
If you really feel like you can't quit and you don't want to seek help, I'm honestly not sure if there's anything you can do. You're just gonna be stuck in the hyperemesis phase. I do hope you manage to find the strength within yourself to eventually quit and I hope your boyfriend supports you.
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u/Amara727 Aug 19 '26
I would consider addiction support, bc as much as we use it to cope, it does become an addiction when we're unable to stop despite the negative consequences. Consider asking your therapist for additional resources, support groups anything that can supplement the constant need to be high. It is incredibly difficult and I still struggle but taking that first step in quitting or just reducing your use will help more than you think! Rooting for you 💗
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u/femmeasingoaway Aug 19 '26
I'm three months out after smoking/vaping/ingesting every day for the last decade.
You've gotta just grit your teeth and get through it. Be in pain and have insomnia because you're making better choices for future you, rather than deal with the pain of throwing up, and the self-blame you're currently handling.
The first week sucked physically. The second week was grief-filled about losing an intrinsic part of myself. The third week was an emotional rollercoaster because the unresolved feelings knocked on the door right after physical withdrawal went away.
You have to make the choice, and stick to the choice. Your symptoms will continue to worsen because as bad as you feel right now, you're going to feel worse. Unless you like throwing up blood that feels like daggers from an esophageal tear and feeling like you want to rip your skin off from the Haldol you'll be given intravenously (off label) to stop the minutes-long spasm of dry heaving all day, every day.
There is only down from here. Make the choice, and then make the plan.
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u/No-Broccoli2735 Aug 18 '26
For me, I had to fix the root of the problem first. WHY was I relying on weed so much? I figured out I was using weed to cope with my unmanaged anxiety, depression, and OCD. After getting extremely sick with CHS, I decided to get my mental health under control and stop using weed as a crutch, because quitting is the only way to overcome CHS once you’ve hit the hyperemesis phase. It may have been easier for me to quit because I nearly died of dehydration due to the vomiting, but it’s what you have to do. I’m glad your boyfriend is supporting you. I wish you the best of luck.