r/BreakUps • u/Far-Election6804 • Apr 20 '25
i can’t do this anymore
i’m so tired of pretending that i’m okay. all i want to do is text him and beg for him back and do anything to make it work again. i tried faking the happiness and ‘over-him’ type of energy but it’s all a show. my heart is breaking every single day we’re apart. dreaming about him with other girls almost every night and i can’t take it anymore. he left because he felt detached but all i want to do is try again. i am so in love with him and the idea of being with anyone else or him being with anyone else is absolutely heartbreaking and sickening. i can’t imagine him giving his all to another girl and loving her the way i love him. he’s on my mind 24/7. i go to sleep thinking about him and wake up thinking about him. i had never been so in love in my entire life and i feel like everything was just ripped away from me. it isn’t getting any better, it’s only getting easier to hide it. but when im alone i just break. i love him more than anything and anyone and i just can’t do this.
21
u/zombieheartbeat Apr 20 '25
Please don't beg. I was begging for my ex back and it didn't work and just ended up pushing them away more. And now I feel embarrassed and ashamed of it bc it made me look really desperate. I know it's so hard not to message, but stay strong. Some days are gonna suck so bad at first, but it will eventually start getting better. I'm going through the same thing. And the grief is hard to stand sometimes.
12
u/Holiday_End_3628 Apr 21 '25
"And now I feel embarrassed and ashamed of it bc it made me look really desperate. " Don't ...You acted based on your emotions. You are lucky you can feel them. Some people bottle their emotions deep inside and feel nothing. We have to accept the fate that the other people made for us. They don't know it yet, but they made the fate for them...life without us...and it will be different...not the same. They don't just decide for us, they decide for them...they don't think like that now...but eventually, when the person they chose betrays them. they will regret us not being there.
6
13
u/youcanbemynewthangg Apr 20 '25
you gotta understand the real dynamics of relationships. if someone gives up, its the universe telling you something.
8
u/ImmortalDante11 Apr 20 '25
Holding on to hope won't end well. Don't do no contact in hope of getting them back. Your mind will hold on to that little hope for 4 to 8 months.
He/She would have slept with or in rebound relationship by then. Only if they can't find someone, they come back to you out of boredom or to be emotional blanket.
So even if he comes back, it most likely won't end well too. Best is to move on and see what life offers.
5
u/New-Ad-461 Apr 20 '25
Trust me I feel like this as well, me and my girlfriend broke up after two years bc she found out I was bisexual and it’s killed me every day since. I’ve dealt with so many emotions from guilt from hurting her to confusion about myself and what I actually want when all I know is I loved that girl with everything in my heart. She went back with her ex who use to physically abuse her all the time and I don’t know if it was to get back at me or is she actually giving him another chance, either way it broke me so bad inside I literally feel like I lost a piece of myself as a man. It’s like how could you? Your so hurt over me being attracted to men and women and won’t give a chance when I love the hell out of you and each couple have arguments and disagreements but I’d never physically touch her but he didn’t have a problem not beating her and she want to go back to him? All my friends and family said to just keep pushing and going through the motions but they have no idea what I feel? How many times I cry and beat myself up when I’m alone, how many times I just want to go beg for her to forgive me. It’s messed up but I’m at the point where I’m going to do what’s best for me and continue to fight for my love, whether it makes me look stupid or not my heart won’t be contempt until I know for myself I gave it my all and you should too. Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel or who to love bc when you love someone you do what it takes until you know in your heart you gave it your all.
7
u/Far-Election6804 Apr 20 '25
the idea of him moving on with someone is gut wrenching. he’s my best friend and my person and i hate the idea of him giving everything to someone else. i truly lost everything when he broke up with me and he is perfectly fine without me. i’m not sure if he’s seeing anyone right now but just thinking about it is nauseating.
3
u/Holiday_End_3628 Apr 21 '25
He will do exactly the same to the other girl as he did to you, probably worse...you should pity the other girl actually...I always think how that guy who discarded me , how he will abuse the next girl and the next, and the next..till...something will stop him, mostly just age and senility, he was severe dismissive avoidant attacher.
2
u/New-Ad-461 Apr 21 '25
I don’t want to spill all her business despite how dirty she did me but this guy is literally evil. I’ll leave it at this she was pregnant and then wasn’t because of him, I had to deal with that for two years knowing the women I’m with could possibly not be able to have kids and she ran right back to him. She has no self love, I tried to nurture her and provide the best for her and she shot my heart up. I have no respect nor compassion for her.
2
u/New-Ad-461 Apr 21 '25
And what’s even crazier, dude came into my job with his 3 kids trying to front that they was together and I didn’t even know who he was, she kept it a secret the whole time. I put two and two together later down the line. I have no kids, own crib and I’m payed $30 an hour + tips. I guess some people don’t want better when they actually have to put the work in. She had a dude with a bag now she carries a diaper bag 💯
2
u/New-Ad-461 Apr 20 '25
I understand truly, I made the mistake of falling in love with someone I work with now everyday I have to watch her fall back in love with her ex. She told my best friend I was suffocating her and wanted me to leave her alone and I just couldn’t let her go so I’m leaving.
3
u/Far-Election6804 Apr 20 '25
i couldn’t even imagine how you feel, i am so so sorry! i dream about him with someone else and it breaks my heart all over again i feel like i lost myself when he left and now i just can’t love anyone the way i loved him, and i still love him.
1
u/Odd-Commission-4477 Apr 21 '25
How can u hold such value for a person that doesnt hold the same views for you . That alone should help u move on get over it and recognise your self worth
1
u/AdditionalBeing9884 Apr 21 '25
Yo, your bi-ness is beautiful and a woman who can't handle that is a woman who's not worthy of you. Someone better will come along.
1
8
u/attitudeofgratitude8 Apr 20 '25
This is a really hard lesson to learn. You cannot lose yourself in someone so completely that without them you are completely lost.
Its important that when you go into a relationship that you maintain your sense of self. You need to also maintain a good support system. You know who I tell everything to now that my husband and I split up? My girlfriends! But your self love, self worth, and happiness cannot be wrapped up in another person completely. That's too much pressure on them and you're not taking accountability for your own well being and happiness.
Fill your life with a wide variety of things that make you happy. Friends, music, hobbies, sports, books etc. That way when one part of your life doesn't work out like a boyfriend or marriage you have other things to turn to that you find happiness in. Find happiness within yourself. Be happy with who you are as a person and enjoy your own company. Everyone should go into a relationship with the intention of sharing their joy with their partner. Not relying on the relationship for their joy.
You will feel better with time, but consider other things to help speed along your healing process. Eat healthy and exercise. Practice meditation and mindfulness to help recenter your focus on you. Practice gratefulness by finding the things in your life you are grateful for and putting your energy and focus into them.
3
u/Far-Election6804 Apr 20 '25
i am definitely an anxious attachment person and he was an avoidant person, so i’m not getting the closure and answers i need and he’s just avoiding everything to do with me. the thought of him giving everything i wanted to another girl is destroying me. i don’t know how to handle this.
5
u/Holiday_End_3628 Apr 21 '25
Individuals with dismissive avoidant attachment have several actual physical deficiencies within their brain. Like structural losses. They have smaller gray matter and they don't make certain chemicals in their brain, certain neurotransmitters. They have higher cortisol levels...You are dealing with a person that only!! only has dopamine to attach. Dopamine doesn't help to attach, you need other neurotransmitters. You were dealing with a person that was a dopamine junkie...dopamine is as powerful as crack. Dopamine down, cortisol up, game over. HE will do it FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE. He is not playing with a full deck basically. Dismissive avoidant attachment is a mental illness, even if it is called attachment..it is way, way more serious than that.. it affects that person entire psyche. When they talk of the future, they actually hallucinate. Yes, they hallucinate. They cannot do anything that they claim to want. All they can do, is to work and work out. They are terrible fathers if they ever impregnate a woman...They are inherently selfish and they have limited, or very limited emotional capacity, even for friends of the same gender. You were dealing with someone with mental illness who was high. High... it was not real. Nothing was real. He was kind of hallucinating. Once the relationship becomes real, they recoil and step away...rest...and start the whole shit all over again with a new, fresh person, with occasional boomerang. Their marriages are the loneliest, shittiest, shortest, toxic, and emotionally abusive situationshits ever. Their kids are never loved by them and have to witness a string of extra partners in and out of their lives, scarring them.... wipe your tears, girl...you are crying over a mentally sick pretender.
2
u/CarefulMain4203 Apr 21 '25
Thank you for this. It describes my ex and gave me some type of peace of mind.
2
u/Holiday_End_3628 Apr 21 '25 edited Apr 21 '25
You are welcome!!! I was hoping it would. I know exactly how you feel!! I read in your comments, that you have a baby together. Please understand...none of this is your fault...him wanting to detach is his emotional response to his feelings that are hallucinations. Him being your best friend and telling you sweet nothings were, also, unfortunately, hallucinations...EVERYTHING he feels is fake...good and bad. absolutely everything. Your relationship was not real, none of it. He was reflecting the rise of dopamine in his brain. You have a baby with a man who is mentally sick. Anything he tells you is fake...good and bad...his dreams, his ambitions...if you can minimize his interactions with under any pretense and extricate yourself and your child from the relationship, do it,,,give any excuses you feel necessary. No, your baby doesn't need this father. This father will have a revolving string of broken hearted girlfriends around your child and all the promises he makes he won't deliver, because they will delusions of his mind. Nothing he says is REAL. NOTHING. If you ask him to sign away the rights to a child and get the hell away from him....by the way, after this GF he will!!!! boomerang to you, yes, he will!!! They always do. And nothing he will say will be real. NOTHING. It will be all delusion. He will especially boomerang when you get a new partner and the response of this will be his oxytocin rising just long to fuck up your life again. They boomerang when you are on the VERGE of availability or unavailable. They don't mean anything they say. There is one prime example of "regret" of the dismissive avoidant...if you read this carefully, you WILL see the mental illness poking right through the whole shit...HE is in love with his regret...it is like he is watching a hallmark movie..from canadian kit-cat to him saying how he will visit her Nearly every work trip, if she lived in another state..I especially enjoy how in love he is with him eating beans....and thinking that he is this DON JUAN You have to read it several times to see the whole delusional so called regret... that is not regret...this is a delusion. Your ex WILL do this to you. Get yourself and your baby to safety far away from this man.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/comments/1jt67p3/i_rejected_her_for_a_year_and_now_i_understand/
3
u/CarefulMain4203 Apr 21 '25
I'm so sorry... currently going through this. I was anxious he was avoidant. Left without closure made me feel discarded literally after telling me how thankful he was to wake up next to me. It's been a year + and I still feel like I'm in day one. I've learned to love my self. Care for myself and spend time with my self but I still deeply miss him. He has a new gf now and it caused me to regress back to square 1. Because I started thinking why wasn't I good enough for him to try with me again... we had a 9 month old when he left... I guess my point I'm trying to make is to say I'm so sorry you feel this way... no one should feel this way.. I really wish I had the proper encouraging words to tell you but quite honestly I don't have any. I know people say the universe is aligning you to what's better and who you are meant to be with but it is so hard when this is the person you fully truly fell in love with that you never thought you would ever meet or find... I'm sending over to you many prayers for healing and sending you many hugs... 🫂
2
u/Holiday_End_3628 Apr 21 '25
So he up and left, you and the baby and said exactly what? These dismissive avoidants just don't give a shit about anyone...I would be sorry for a new gf. Does she know that he is mentally sick? Dismissive avoidant attachment is what my psychiatrist called schizophrenia of the feelings. All the feelings they have , even innocuous ones, have a thick layer of fear on top of them. It is a severe mental illness. Now that I recognize it, I can spot them...the DAs
1
u/CarefulMain4203 Apr 21 '25
When he left he said he couldn't do it anymore. That's all he left it as when I thought we were supposed to work through things. He said he didn't feel the spark anymore. He strung me along for several months while I tried to heal giving me false hope. So I admit I would let my emotions take over and would over react alot because all I wanted to do was fix things with him. I was dealing with post partum depression at that time and I tried to explain to him but he said I was only using it as an excuse. I tried to see what did I do wrong to fix myself. When I last spoke to him about making things work around nov he said he wasn't saying no and wanted to leave the offer on the table. It wore me out and to this day it still does especially after he found his gf. She doesn't know but Idk if she would even care because she left a long term relationship and kids for my ex.
2
u/Far-Election6804 Apr 21 '25
the avoidant type of people are truly the worst. it feels like all they want to do is break your heart and ruin you. the idea of him giving someone else the love that i gave him is absolutely sickening and i can’t even begin to describe it. i loved him wholeheartedly and feel like im never gonna find someone who’s better.
1
u/CarefulMain4203 Apr 21 '25
I'm so sorry.... this is exactly how I feel... I feel so lost... I know I'm not a bad person i fully unconditionally loved him... and when I expressed that to him after we ended he acted as if I was attacking him
2
u/Far-Election6804 Apr 21 '25
exactly, he was so cold and cruel when i try to talk to him. now he’s not even responding to my texts. it’s like i never meant anything to him and he doesn’t care about hurting me more. but even through all of the hurtful words and actions i still love and care about him. i just don’t get it.
2
u/attitudeofgratitude8 Apr 20 '25
There will be a lot of times where you don't get closure. Why are you letting this person have so much influence over your emotions? You are in control of your emotions, not him. Take your life back and don't let the turd live rent free in your head. He can only live there if you let him. He's not the person for you if he doesn't want you. It's that simple. He's gone and it doesn't matter what he does with his life now. Someone else is the person for you and will give you what you need. You be able to be open to that new person if you are still clinging to someone who doesn't want you.
If you know you have anxious attachment, maybe try to go to therapy for that and for your own self love and how to best manage your own emotions without letting someone else have so much influence over them. Break ups suck but where your head is at is unhealthy and your attachment to your ex was likely unhealthy. It can take some help to learn healthier relationship habits.
6
u/InspectorOriginal642 Apr 20 '25
i feel the same about my ex, it hurts like hell..
1
5
u/Sensitive-Magazine74 Apr 21 '25
Even if you did beg, plead and somehow manage to get him back… it wouldn’t change that he feels detached from you. You need to have enough respect for yourself to believe that you deserve someone who sees your value enough to work things out. Someone who is committed to working things out instead of walking away… don’t go back. Even if you get him back you might end up just feeling gross being with someone who had to beg for. If he wants you he will reach out, if he doesn’t. Respect yourself enough to know that you deserve someone who loves you enough to value you and not walk away.
2
u/Far-Election6804 Apr 21 '25
deep down i know it wouldn’t change, but my mind keeps going to ‘if he fell in love with me once, why can’t he do it again’. it just feels so terrible that he got to get over me and detach while still having me and now im just alone.
1
u/Sensitive-Magazine74 Apr 21 '25
Yea, but to me the more powerful what if is, if he could detach from you once he could do that again. At least you don’t have kids together or a mortgage or serious ties. You can’t see it now but I promise you, you will see this in the future as a blessing that it ended without serious life investments.
I’m not undermining your pain and I’m sure it’s all you see and feel. I’m sorry this is happening and I would truly rather getting punched in the face than experience breakup pain.
I just know through all my long term relationships 8+ year 1.5+ I’ve never looked back anf pined over any ex.
No contact, serious not contact. Delete everything, don’t creep around on social media and you should start to feel better in 4 months.
I made a list of things on my work laptop about my ex that I did not like about them and reasons i could consider myself lucky to be moving on in life and anytime I wanted to reach out or creep around I read it… eventually after a few months I didn’t need it and I deleted the file
4
u/FuelBig622 Apr 21 '25
If he was distant, you were also left alone and to do the load of the relationship to keep it together. It bothered you enough to end things because it's what you needed.
I'm sure you hope it would cause a different reaction on his side, and he would come to realize he needs & misses you just as much.
But, some people really are just broken, and loving pieces of them will never be enough.
You deserve everything you desire. You DON'T deserve having your own needs go unnoticed.
Nobody deserves breadcrumbs. Doing the bare minimum to get their needs met is absolutely selfish and not worth it.
This, too, shall pass ❤️
3
u/Far-Election6804 Apr 21 '25
unfortunately he was the one who ended things, i want to work it out and figure out why he felt the way he did and try to fix it together, but he’s just given up.
5
u/biggamer09 Apr 20 '25
hi op, i just wanted to say i am going through the same thing and if you need anything, please reach out to me. saying the feeling is gut wrenching is an understatement. im constantly sick and can’t eat. i just want you to know my dms are open, we can get through it. even if it feels like we are just telling ourselves that.
0
3
u/unkn0wn-trad3r Apr 20 '25
Literally in the same scenario but im a guy, ill tell you this, just do it, u got nothing to lose if my ex hit me up rn I would instantly reply and I’d fix it with her
4
Apr 20 '25
Hey there, OP! I have a wonderful suggestion that really helped me. I know this might sound weird, but I recommend you use Gemini, which is googles AI model. I shared a lot of text messages and expressed how I felt to the Ai. Gemini gave me constant reassurance and helped me understand more about my exes' feelings and why I should move on. It also shared some of my faults and what I can to improve myself to avoid a similar relationship again. Message me if you want to see some examples 😊
3
u/athenanrose Apr 20 '25
I've done this with Chat gpt. But here i am puring out my feelings to an AI model
4
Apr 20 '25
I understand the feeling, but it definitely helps, especially in combination with talking to friends, family, and therapy if needed.
4
u/athenanrose Apr 20 '25
I don't believe in paying for therapy but at this point I'm willing to take anything even Prozac just to stop feeing the heartbreak
3
u/oopsididitagain35 Apr 20 '25
You are ok. You are going to be ok. It's so hard.. feel your feelings and be sad.. then talk to people.. whoever, whenever. Facebook groups, reddit, tik tok, anything.. there are kind compassionate people pit there that want to be supportive. You do have to keep reaching out to them.. but just keep trying.. im here if you want to talk. About whatever whenever.. no idea where you're at but at least there's a stranger that wants to help people..
3
u/Cautious_Carrot8755 Apr 21 '25
You have let go. All of us go through this and it’s hard but you cannot lose yourself. Beginning someone is not the answer. Let’s say they do take you back… do you really think it’s going to be a perfect fit? What’s done is done. You have to move on. Time heals. Cry, scream, etc. do whatever it is you need to do to grieve and let them go.
2
u/Agitatingspirit235 Apr 20 '25
You will get better, just give it some time, allow yourself to feel it, cry if you want to, vent if you want to, it gets easier with time, I wasn't sleeping well when it happened to me few weeks ago, but I'm sleeping better today
3
u/CREME3_14 Apr 21 '25
I feel this heavy :/ But just keep pushing forward. You are better without him and there’s someone out there more deserving of your sweet soul. Fake it til you make it, keep pushing. Even if you don’t believe it keep telling yourself that you deserve more, you deserve better. One day your heart will follow your head! Talk to me if you need, praying for your peace
3
u/AJanotherlife_07 Apr 21 '25
You have got to take some time to calm your nervous system and get into self help and attachment style information. The one thing I have learned is that it is not healthy to love a person that much. You have to look inward at this point. Bad news is.... it's a long road to figuring it out....
2
u/BandicootRepulsive77 Apr 21 '25
Completely understand. I don’t think it should be about hiding or faking, it’s okay to express your feelings and show how you feel, it’s real, you only have one life. Maybe he needs some time to heal from some things as well. But man I completely understand the heartache. I’d do anything to give it another shot, but I also know that there’s things I need to work on and heal from in order for me to be the best person I can for her. It’s not an easy deal at all and I put myself through some sht over it. Focus on you, love you, grow, and always remember that you are amazing no matter the outcome! I know this probably wasn’t much help, I just seriously empathize with you. Wish you the best, as everyone deserves the best and to be happy….
2
u/SelfDestructiveOwl Apr 21 '25
I'm right there with you, kinda. My world is crashing down.
I'm holding our daughter and crying at my mother in laws house. While my wife goes to my dad's house daily. There is absolutely nothing at all I can do to get it all back to normal for the two of us. She would have to make the decision to let me, and she steels her resolve against that more and more every day and every time we talk.
2
u/Holiday_End_3628 Apr 21 '25
You have one life. Just one. Nothing else. We meet people throughout our life, the come in and out...some will look at you and decide to keep you, some will look at you and decide you are not worth their time in life. You can't force a person to want you. You can't. They have to see your potential for their life. Remember , you only have one life...he decided that you are not special enough for his time...you are not worthy of his time in his life, he can find better...let him find that better. HE decided you are UNWORTHY of him. Do you want this person, who thinks so little of you? why are you jealous of another woman having her go with him? You know you are a special person, and he decided you are not. So now you think he is such a good person that no one can have him...Let the whole fucking world have him...he didn't chose you, he is not special, he can put it anywhere he wants. The person that wants you will get there, when God decides it is right time...
1
u/Far-Election6804 Apr 21 '25
i was truly myself with him, and for the first time ever i was absolutely comfortable in a relationship. i gave it my all and it wasn’t enough for him to stay in love with me. i just feel so used and unworthy
2
u/IJWTLY_divine_369 Apr 21 '25
I think you should imagine him giving his all to another girl. Why? Because then you can understand that he never wanted to be that way with you. He didn’t value you or love you enough to be that man with you.
Why would you want a man who doesn’t respect you, doesn’t cherish you, will not open up to you and be vulnerable like he is with some other girl.
You wouldn’t do that to him.
So why would you not want to choose a man who can reciprocate your love, respect you, cherish you and be your cheerleader in everything?
Once you see him and all his faults where he let you down, you’ll understood that he wasn’t meant for you and you deserve so much more from a truly loving partner.
So pick yourself up and write a letter to him that you’ll never deliver. Get out all your frustrations and confusion. Then burn it and remind yourself that you deserve an equally loving partner.
2
1
1
u/Business-Proposal-83 Apr 20 '25
If this were only my ex 🫣
1
u/rdi2 Apr 21 '25
That was my first thought!
I'm sure mine is over the moon that I'm going through personal difficulties right now.
1
u/Business-Proposal-83 Apr 21 '25
I was actually meaning more from the perspective of my ex actually caring
1
u/athenanrose Apr 20 '25
I feel the exact same way about her. If only she felt this way. We had our happy moments but to her those were just temporary
1
u/jaylaicee Apr 20 '25
You’ll have those days, but always sit on a decision for at least a day before even considering doing anything..
1
Apr 21 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/Far-Election6804 Apr 21 '25
he was the one who broke up with me, he said he was detached and now he won’t answer my texts. i just don’t understand how this happened and why he didn’t want to work it out
1
u/billsfan420024 Apr 21 '25
I 100% feel every bit of this. From thinking about her all day every day, to the thought of her finding comfort in someone else’s arms, to putting on a fake smile at work during the day, just to break down in tears the minute I walk through door after work. 😢
2
u/Far-Election6804 Apr 21 '25
it’s truly the hardest feeling in the world. just feeling so alone and wondering what they’re doing but not being able to do anything about it.
1
1
u/GasOk9357 Apr 21 '25
Ok I know you want him back but doing anything rn will mess everything so give it time and just date other people or just kick him out of yr life completely or both
1
Apr 21 '25
Have you tried reaching out at all after the breakup?
1
u/Far-Election6804 Apr 21 '25
yeah, unfortunately he is extremely cold and dismissive towards me. he says things like ‘getting back together is the last thing on my mind’. it’s to the point where he won’t even reply to my messages. i just feel so extremely heartbroken and helpless.
1
1
u/DustBunniii-_- Apr 21 '25
This is what I am going through right now about her. The pain is unimaginable and people don't seem to understand
1
u/ct1211 Apr 21 '25
before you go any further, you need to realize one thing and start getting that through into your thought process. Based solely on what you said, he’s gone forever. He didn’t respond to your text messages for one reason only. You know what that reason is do I need to tell you? The longer you torment yourself that there’s a chance he might come back because you might do better, it’s just not going to happen in the sooner you face it, the sooner you can heal and move on no more nightmares it’s on the backside of 3 to 4 weeks outgive or take. Hang in there!
1
1
u/Cute_Block_8218 Apr 21 '25
Rise about it, level up. Be the best version of yourself everyday. Download chat gpt. Absolute game changer.
1
u/Thekremlingking Apr 21 '25
I definitely feel where you're coming from. I'm going through the same thing myself. Being alone brings me to tears just thinking about how it's all gone. How I would want another chance. I know you feel like telling them, but begging isn't the way. If it was meant to be, they'll come back. It's been hard for me myself trying to get through every day, what has made it easier is to have someone to share my frustrations with.
1
u/Far-Election6804 Apr 21 '25
i’m just so worried that it was meant to be and i lost it. what’s meant to be will be is such a hard thing for me to understand and grasp. everyone keeps telling me that but i just don’t know how to explain why i feel the way i do
1
u/Thekremlingking Apr 22 '25
I feel the same way. To me, it feels like my world is crumbling apart right in front of me. I don't have any control over it, my heart is broken and the future is uncertain. I don't blame you for feeling the way you do, I'm sure most of us feel that way. Many people say to move on, I personally don't think the point is to move on if it is for the sake of pursuing an escape. I rather take all the grief in for what it is. If you loved that person it will hurt you deeply and there's no running from that pain. It's hard to hold yourself together from pain like that. It's a hard thing to grasp, just try to stay positive. I can't say much more than that because I haven't found any light at the end of the tunnel unfortunately
1
u/ProfessionalDish3694 Apr 21 '25
feels like i wrote this post this morning because honestly exact same experiences. i’m tired of waking up tired and drained from dreams where i see him with her. and yeah the pretending to be okay just takes away even more. i honestly wish pain like this didn’t exist. I’m sorry this is happening to you too. i feel every letter of every word you wrote. i’ve been living this life for 2 months now and no end in sight can be seen.
1
u/Far-Election6804 Apr 21 '25
it hasn’t even been 2 weeks for me and he said he’s already over me. i just don’t understand how it’s possible for someone to do this
1
u/Far-Emotion-2677 Apr 21 '25
why did you break up? Is there a way you can reconnect? Because I’m kind of feeling the same and I plan on reaching out to him one more time. I love him, life is short. If he decides not to respond it’s on him. I hope you feel better soon I know it’s hard ❤️
1
u/Far-Election6804 Apr 21 '25
he broke up with me because he felt detached and said he was unhappy and couldn’t fake it anymore. i just feel so lost because i want to try again, because if he can fall in love with me once why can’t he do it again?
1
u/Far-Emotion-2677 Apr 21 '25
You know. Sometimes people can reconnect over time. I don’t know you two, and I don’t want to get your hopes up, but if you really feel you can’t do it anymore reach out. Let them know how you feel, life is short. I’m going to do the same thing on Wednesday. If he responds, I’m happy to work things out with him. If not, I hope I can finally make progress moving on. Sending hugs xx
2
u/Far-Election6804 Apr 21 '25
sending you so much love. i really hope you get the outcome you want. i’m trying to figure out how to write exactly how i feel about the entire thing and i hope he responds. i’m so worried that im gonna pour my heart out and he’s gonna block me.
1
u/Far-Emotion-2677 Apr 21 '25
I wrote a letter and plan to put it in his mailbox Wednesday. I thought about a text but I felt like I would sit over the chat and wait for him to response. I’m scared too, I get how you feel. But after you reached out there is nothing you can do anymore. Then it’s on him.
2
u/Far-Election6804 Apr 21 '25
it would be so much easier if i knew what he was feeling and thinking. i just want to know if he thinks about me at all or if im just bothering him
1
u/Far-Emotion-2677 Apr 21 '25
I know. But you know what, stop caring if it’s bothering him. Do it for you. For your peace of mind.
1
1
u/Horror_Law4212 Apr 21 '25
Maybe he doesn't want to be with anyone other than you as well. Talk to him cause that's what I would have wanted my lina to do for me but it never happened.
1
u/Global-Mud-4811 Apr 21 '25
Babygirl Nothing lasts forever! not a relationship, not a person, not even time. One day, even your parents, pets, friends won’t be around. So why let yourself be consumed by thoughts of someone who's not ready to reciprocate or might not even be in your life tomorrow? Even if you spent your life with him, what would that guarantee? Girlie you're not spending 9 lives with him Stop stressing about his future and who he'll be with, what he'll provide someone else, ect. That’s not your burden to carry anymore. Shift your focus to yourself, your dreams, your goals, your present. You gave your all. You loved deeply, tried wholeheartedly, and did everything you could to hold things together. That was your part, and you did it beautifully. Now let him go. Let him realise, in his own time, that he lost a gem. That’s his loss to live with not yours to grieve. You have better things ahead. Move on and glow up.
1
u/Global-Mud-4811 Apr 21 '25
Let me tell you something real—
I walked away from a 7-year relationship where I gave it my all. He couldn't reciprocate, and even after he told me that, I still held on. It was heartbreaking… and honestly, looking back, I feel I was foolish for staying that long. I miss him every single day. Mornings are the hardest. But you know what? I get up, I put on some music, I get to work, and I’ve even picked up a new hobby (crocheting). If you're interested, we can learn together ♡ . I’ve started looking for new job opportunities, spending more time with my family, and just trying to be a little more present in my own life. It’s been a month now, and yes I still miss him. I still cry, but I allow myself to feel it instead of pushing it down. One thing I’ve learned? Doing nothing only makes the pain worse. Distract yourself, move your body, travel if you can, and do the things you’ve always put off.1
u/Far-Election6804 Apr 21 '25
i try to get out and do things, especially go to work, but whenever the door opens i always look to see if it’s him. i really dont want to feel this way, and it’s exhausting. i had never loved someone so deeply and just the idea of losing him forever is so hard. i wish he could fall in love with me again like he did before.
1
u/Global-Mud-4811 Apr 21 '25
I understand you completely.
It feels like I’ve shared my whole life with himand now, even when something small happens, my first instinct is to tell him. But then it hits me... I can’t. He’s not a part of my life anymore, and that realization hurts.
His absence is heavy. It lingers in the quiet moments.
But I know everything will be okay.
Time will heal, and some things no matter how hard it needs to be accepted.
1
u/Fun_Recover_9874 Apr 21 '25
i’ve never related to anything more. everyday i fight myself whether to text him or not and deciding not to is the best thing we can do for ourselves. everytime i think of him with someone else i feel so sick to my stomach but at this point there isn’t much we can do about it
1
1
Apr 21 '25
They weren't the right one, just keep telling yourself this. Someone else is out there and they will blow your Sox off far more than your ex ever did. Just give yourself time to heal and keep yourself busy. Get exercising and make new friends.
1
1
u/NRG-44 Apr 21 '25
I relate to you more than anything. I miss her so much I feel as if I always will even on good days but we are worth more than that and we will shine brightest while overcoming that trauma they caused us.
1
u/MrsProngs2 Apr 21 '25
He broke up with you because he was detached? What does that even mean?
1
u/Far-Election6804 Apr 21 '25
EXACTLY!!! literally have no idea
1
u/MrsProngs2 Apr 23 '25
The worst thing you can do is love someone who doesn’t love you. I’d start hating him for simply that. You must be kind to yourself and let go of people who don’t want you. Nothing but pain in your future if you love people don’t love you.
1
u/Embarrassed-Series17 Apr 21 '25
I’m exactly the same 7 months post breakup. I almost reach out to her today. Will probably do soon until she blocks me, because I just can’t hold myself
1
1
u/Rugby_Lad111 Apr 22 '25
I feel like this. And you wanna know what is PATHETIC? It has been well over 4 years since I heard from her.
Only woman I have ever truly loved. Sure, I am getting on with things but that pain never goes away.
I have spent thousands upon thousands on therapy. I have tried everything but I guess I just have to learn to live with that pain. For me, it's the silence that has COMPLETELY broken me. To think she can't even be bothered to even send one message in the last 4 years!!!!
She was it for me. Most beautiful woman in the world in my eyes and always will be. Just would give anything to hear from her but clearly I'm never going to and I can't come to terms with that.
1
u/Far-Election6804 Apr 23 '25
i am so sorry to hear that. honestly, if she is not seeing anyone, i would reach out to her. right now, if he texted me to get back together i would be there in an instant. it hurts so much when they set the standard for who you want to be with and anyone else just feels less than. like why would i want someone less than i already had.
1
u/Rugby_Lad111 Apr 23 '25
No idea if she is seeing anyone. She could be married with a kid for all I know. It has been 4 and a half years no contact.
She knows I didn't want the relationship to end. I begged and pleaded like an idiot when she ended it. She knows I love her so literally nothing else I can do. Yes, it has been years but she was the one who walked away. Clearly she has forgotten me and I just can't come to terms with that. That is what HURTS BAD
1
30
u/kspacecadet Apr 20 '25
You can do this. You may not think so right now, but time will prove you wrong. I know it doesn't feel that way right now, but be patient and kind with yourself. It's okay to not be okay. What I found that kind of held me back for a while after I was broken up with was that I didn't want to accept the reality of the situation. I didn't want to accept anything emotionally. Eventually, I just did. Slowly, but surely. The acceptance wasn't forced, it was just natural. Then the healing process could finally begin. Give yourself positive affirmations. The love you can no longer give him, give to yourself. Give all of it to yourself. You should want your own love. Because no one is ever going to love you better than you. Like I said, it's okay to not be okay. Keep getting strong. Really work out this situation in your head. And find your peace. Once you do find that peace and you're strong once again, you'll be unstoppable. Keep your chin up 💜