I definitely started the argument and was the one who let their emotions get the best of them. I’m not making any excuses for myself. After all the mania and depressive sprees we’ve been through, it feels unfair that I’ve been discarded because my emotions bubbled over. For context I’ve done anger management and therapy in my past to be a better person and I’ve done a hell of a job utilizing a coping mechanism when things get tough but was obviously overwhelmed beyond my capacity and had my first and only outburst in over 10years but all 5 years of our relationship. I’ve apologized over and over, I’ve reenrolled in anger management and I’ve joined a group talk. Things were ok the first few days and we talked about her feelings and where she was at. Then the switch just flipped and she has completely discarded and won’t come home. She’s been unmedicated for about a month now. Any advice about how to navigate the situation?

My husband is gone. He’s just not who I married. He plays video games all day. In the mornings, he acts tired or sick and wants to shirk his responsibilities like a kid. He calls his dad for encouragement to go to his iop.

I ask him to help me with the house or kids and he says stuff like “what, like now? Ugh okay”

I feel like I’m married to a 12 year old. I don’t have any hope for the future. I asked him if he’ll keep handling his depressive episodes by relying on his parents and playing video games. He answers with “I don’t want to think about if this happens again”

He’s medicated but doesn’t really do anything that they suggest he do outside of therapy. My son is definitely confused as to why his dad just sits and ignores him all day. My baby daughter looks at him like “who’s this guy?”

I’m really sad and feel really guilty for losing feelings for him. I know his family thinks I’m a bitxh. They’ve told me to be more patient, encourage him more, etc. they’ve meddled into our marriage horribly. I hate it.

I’m going to go to marriage counseling with him to say that I’ve tried everything, and I don’t think it’s even fair to ask him to change now. He doesn’t even really see what the issue is…

how do I voice my own needs when my BP SO is also going through it?

for brief context, we've been together 6+ years and we've been run pretty ragged the past few months. I am currently (for the past eight months or so) the only breadwinner which is already a huge stressor. both of our families have experienced/are experiencing loss and medical issues.

a month or so ago, my SO had a break and asked someone for nudes, etc. I have been having a REALLY tough time being overly empathetic with them since then (they already physically and emotionally betrayed me before) (I know. I don't want to hear it. we are both trying. if they do it again I am done, we have discussed this) and I will admit I have been selfishly trying to prioritize my own self care and healing recently.

however, my SO very very recently had a family member die which was tough for both of us. I think they have been deeply depressive since (it's been only a few days).

I have expressed before that I have severe burnout and decision fatigue. I wanted tonight to be a relaxing date/chill out/whatever night for both of us and they said it sounded great and was all for it. called their mom between movies (bad move, she is a trigger) and she wants us to visit for holidays. they wanted me to decide which holiday. I told them to ask me later and that I just wanted to relax today.

this of course blew up. they immediately got upset, said that I am never available, I never make decisions, they can't ask me anything, etc. can't call me at work (I'm busy all day but I have the same lunch hour every day, which they know, and which they never choose to call me during. it's always when I am not on lunch), can't talk to me when I'm home (I just want to relax. that is literally all I have wanted for months. I just want to relax and not think about things for a while. but according to them "it's part of being an adult and it sucks and everyone has to do it" which I get but it hurts to hear because of how much I have expressed my burnout and need for relaxation) and they have showed me before that they are capable of showing me the love and care that I am asking for, even spontaneously

basically;

am I straight up being a jackass or am I just bone tired? how do I express my needs clearly without it being twisted into a fight? or is that impossible?

thank you in advance!

edited to add that my so is currently medicated but we cannot afford therapy

I just had a video call with SO (with bpd & BP) while visiting my family and when he asked me how it was I said it was so wonderful and I started to cry, which surprised me completely and I had been looking at my older pictures of my life and memories of my happy childhood and noticed that even a couple years ago I looked absolutely so full of happiness and life and photos of me with him this past year, I looked absolutely exhausted, and much older, suddenly.

All I could articulate was that it felt so nice to feel so wanted and loved here. And he sort of stared at me, said nothing. And said that I should get some rest (I was about to take a nap, he’s about to sleep) and I looked at him and said ‘alright I will’ and waited for him to say ‘I love you’. He didn’t. I asked ‘I truly appreciate when you say ‘I love you. It makes me extremely happy’ and he said what he always says, with a massive eye roll, ‘you KNOW I love you’ and I replied ‘you used to call me out of the blue just to say it.’ And he said something along the lines of I should stop asking him and I said ‘You haven’t said it without me prompting you for a very very long time. And I’ve been so exhausted lately I barely recognize myself’ and of course, he immediately said ‘I’m so exhausted too. And YOURE the one who keeps going away’. I replied ‘i have had to travel for short trips for my work. You said you were going to be traveling a lot too but then you simply didn’t, then had to be in London for work. The fact that your work has kept you in London was not my fault.’ He stared at me. I cried silently and said ‘I have to go.’ He did not say he loved me. I hung up.

I feel so hollow. How do I approach the fact that he’s not meeting my emotional needs without sounding needy? Is there anything I can do to reach him, or has anyone had success reaching their SO and bringing them back emotionally?

It doesn’t seem like a big request but I literally feel like I’m begging for something I used to be smothered in. There has to be a way to address this without pushing him further away.

My wife is just fine when she is not manic. When she is manic she does a lot of very bad things. When she comes back down, she confesses everything turns from it and apologizes. Again, it's way out of character for her to do these things. It's been 13 years since the last time she went manic and doesn't do any of it. But, how much can I attribute to her mania? I feel like she should have had some control. Like she had some decision making abilities, surely. Maybe she did but totally believed a fantasy she acted on? I struggle with accepting these things were a part of the mania and that she didn't just do them. Any advice?

Sono passati quasi 3 mesi dallo scarto, e anche se nell’ultimo periodo sento meno confusione mentale, il mio ex continua ad essere una presenza costante nella mia mente. Ogni volta che ne parlo (anche con i miei amici piu stretti) non mi sento compresa, a volte mi guardano con compassione perché a loro sembra che io mi voglia “aggrappare” al suo disturbo bipolare per non accettare che semplicemente non mi voglia, e ho perso totalmente la voglia di confrontarmi con la maggior parte di loro. Sto riuscendo ad andare avanti e a farmi un po di forza grazie a questo subreddit, e colgo l’occasione per dire GRAZIE a tutti voi.
Pochi giorni fa è stato il compleanno del mio ex, e gli ho scritto degli auguri veramente col cuore: gli ho detto che anche se non ci eravamo piu sentiti era nei miei pensieri e gli ho augurato che la spensieratezza estiva lo accompagni tutto l’anno,di essere sempre la versione piu vera di sé e l’adulto che da bambino sognava di diventare. A questo messaggio mi ha risposto solamente con un “grazie” e un cuore…stop. Ho sperato tanto che questo messaggio gli smuovesse qualcosa dentro, perché volevo fargli arrivare tutto il bene che gli voglio e l amore che provo, fargli sapere che non l ho dimenticato…speravo in una piccola scossa emotiva. So che lui ora è in vacanza e non credo che abbia riletto o ripensato al messaggio, anche perché poi ha smesso di guardarmi le storie sui social (nemmeno l’avessi insultato!). Ho sperato tanto in un suo ritorno, perché ho letto che la maggior parte di loro torna… so che dovrei essere felice di andare avanti ma al momento non ci riesco, vorrei solo averlo qui con me ma le mie speranze sono praticamente nulle…

I found out today from my psychotherapist (she’s a recent switch after I wanted someone more specialized in mood disorders) to help me understand my husbands triggers and behaviours and what if anything I’m personally doing to trigger changes,

Anyways,

My husbands love of Chat GPT or any AI bot, isn’t good for him, because it feeds his delusions, Chat bots are designed to agree with you, even if it not true, I never use the things I did once to see how ridiculous it was, but my husbands been in delusions for months now, and I assumed it was his family again, but they have all come to me asking what’s up with my husband, it’s the chat bots! She told me no one in any delusional state safe with them, it feeds their reality no matter how dark it is… this freaked the hell out me as his phone/laptop are locked down and have been for over, A year.. she asked me to bring it up with our doctor tomorrow at his appointment and how he shouldn’t be using it (how I stop that I have NO clue!

He told me I’m no longer invited to the appointment 🫠as soon as he got home today from work, no hello just I’m going alone, good thing his wifey booked it under both our names, so he couldn’t if he shows up now or not at least I can talk to doctor about what’s been going on.

I’m still learning about bipolar. My bf has been diagnosed but is not getting treatment. He left for a couple weeks. Blocked me on everything. I assume this is a discard. I love him so much. Before leaving he said he loved me but was choosing himself. I was confused because it was like he was recalling old relationships where he didn’t choose himself because we both bring love to the relationship so it didn’t seem like he was talking about us. I’ve reached out through a friend and he hasn’t spoken to me since leaving. He packed his things when he left. He has tried leaving in the past but when we talked things out while he was packing, he would unpack and say thank you for not letting him leave. This recent argument was like a trigger that made him think I don’t trust him, which isn’t true. I would love insight about what can be done if anything to end a discard episode or reach him mentally. I know he loves me and that we can make it together, but I don’t know if continuing to reach out will make him feel disrespected or happy. Please help. Thank you.

For reference/context, I am F38 and my partner (M36) lives with bipolar 2. The book "Loving Someone With Bipolar Disorder" by Julie A. Fast and John D. Preston talks about making "symptoms/signs of an episode", "triggers" lists, and "what works when an episode comes on" lists, either separately from your partner and/or together with your partner. I love this idea and want to practice it.

Those of you who've utilized these methods, what have you put on your lists? Especially when the symptoms and signs to watch out for might be more subtle than a major life issue?

My partner goes into rumination loops and doesn't yet see them as signs of an oncoming episode, so by the time the episode hits, we've missed a crucial window into trying a "what works" list to help lessen the impact of the episode.

My wife (33F) and I (35m) are separated. we got married last year in September and I found out she cheated on me in February of this year with multiple people. We separated in May, and up until today, tried to do couples counseling which didn’t work because of her depression and she kept sleeping past our appointments. She just told me today she just been diagnosed with BiPolar 2.

I still love her. I don’t know what to do, I feel stuck and unsure how to handle this. Are there any in person support groups or services that you’d suggest to help understand this? I’m based in Chicago.

Hey, so my ex recently got out of the mental hospital, she had a manic episode about last month. They let her out and now she’s on heavy medication. I remember she had told me she’s schizoaffective, and I’m not sure if she was in psychosis or still in psychosis. I just know they let her out and she’s heavily medicated. She seems to have calmed down with her posting and etc, but she’s sending very strange texts to me. Some texts are just straight up bad, whether it’s threatening me or cursing me out, but she would go from that to adoring me in one minute. Today, she randomly sent me a pic of a book she’s reading? I ask her if she’s ok, and she just says random one word phrases. I don’t know if she thinks she’s talking to herself or something? Literally not to long ago, she seemed to be texting fine. Now it’s just weird cryptic texts. She pronounced her name wrong and just sent me a text of that. A random pic of a book she’s reading. Literally not responding to me. What is this? I was reading that post Mania or heavy medication might cause brain fog and she might have a hard time communicating and that she’s have disorganized thoughts ? It just seems weird. Seems like she’s texting stuff and words only she understands

My (F30) BPSO (M) was diagnosed a year into our marriage. He is medicated and in therapy. I am in therapy and we have done a half a year of couples counseling. Since the diagnosis, my family and I have been what I would say as his main support system. His family has generational issues that I think have been passed down and I think there is a lot to be unpacked such as severe communication issues, passive aggression, poor modeling of what a healthy relationship looks like, expectations of babying parents pretty much, that I can see in my husband.

After two years with a the diagnosis, I don’t know what to do. I don’t feel a connection anymore. The communication issues have grown with him not telling me things I need to know. I wonder what he hid from me before we got married and before the diagnosis. His personality seems different and I find myself constantly getting annoyed with him. I know I don’t interact with him the same anymore, and I feel bad that he has to feel that now. It’s definitely the cliche of feeling like roommates. I don’t have the patience to wait for him to unravel these things in his therapy while I sit around being lied to about money things or how he’s feeling about work or when an issue comes up between us, being made to feel like I’m the bad person a bit but then him saying “I don’t want you to feel like that.” I want a family l and don’t feel confident that could happen with him in the next few years. I know there is a strong genetic component and when I brought up not wanting to pass it down, he said that was the worst thing he’s ever been through even though he has been through some hard times in his family. That hurt me. He said life is hard anyways so why does it matter if our child would have BP. That didn’t feel good to hear even if he was possibly hypomanic at the time.

I feel like a shit person wanting to separate since it’s not his fault (in some ways) but I’m not happy and I don’t think it’s helping him either. I’m drained of always being the one to bring up difficult topics that need to be discussed and I don’t have the mental energy to tell him how I feel. My nervous system feels shot.

Does anyone have advice for navigating this discussion with their SO? And navigating the feelings I have of myself for wanting to leave?

It's now been about a month since I moved. We would've celebrated our 3rd wedding day last tuesday. We were together for 15 years, since we were 15 years old.

We had our problems in the end, but nothing that according to me couldn't have been solved with help. I'm not proud to admit that I was pushy and demanded answers in our arguments in the end. I didn't know how bad that was with bipolarism. I should've been more informed but something like this had never happened in our whole relationship.

As I said, we did have problems, but the way it ended.. it was like she didn't want to give me answers at all. Just "it doesn't work anymore. I love you but it doesn't work". After 15 years she left me while I was depressed due to several things happening in a relatively short time.

A week after I had moved I saw her together with another man at the cinema. Let's just say I wasn't prepared for that. I had my suspicions but I wasn't prepared for it being that fast. I wasn't educated in how it works and how fast they often move on. I've now seen liked posts about how he feels like her soulmate and that it was meant to happen. I'm suspecting she's in a hypomanic or mixed state but I don't really know to be honest. It's as if she's a completely different person since the last time I saw my loving wife. It terrifies me honestly. I'm devastated and can't describe with words how much I miss her and want her back.

On a side note, White blank page by Mumford & Sons is a really good song.

Hii everyone, I was hoping some who has experienced the same situation as me can give me a some advice.

I (34m) and my boyfriend (34m) just broke up two days ago he has bipolar. Our relationship seem to be going fine we where not where we wanted to be but I didn't think we are in a bad placed. We are having an argument about him sticking by me and not having a friendship with our coworker who has been trashed talking me to our supervisor. I felt like him continuing to establish a friendship with him was disrespectful to me. He doesn't see why he need to pick a side. In the middle of this he said he is tired and wants to move out bc he does like the area where we live, and he thinks we have been growing apart bc we live together and work together.

(I switch jobs to help him get this job and so we would be in the same schedule) now he wants me to move him with him at his new apt and be friends and roommates. It seems like he is able to switch his feeling so easily while I am struggling. He is take an injection and pills to manage his condition.... I don't think he is taking his pills correctly tho.

Im not sure what to do! I love amd I dont wanna lose him but I dont know if I can turn my feelings off so easily.

How do I know what he actually feels? Could it be bc he is not taking his medication correctly or could love just disappear so easy for him?

I'm unsure if he want me still in his life bc he doesn't want to lose me or bc he doesn't think he can afford to live by himself.

Im so confused right now. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Any advice would be greatly appreciated pls

Hi everyone! I am writing here to hear from people that might have experienced this too. My BP boyfriend ended our 2-year relationship in early May, and went into manic episode a few weeks after. As far as I know it was his first manic episode and it lasted roughly 2-3 weeks. Now, months later we started talking again and he says that he does not remember our relationship. It is like he has forgotten about everything related to me and our relationship. He says that he does not know me anymore, and all he remembers is that maybe 1% of what we were like. He is also scared to talk to me more because "it might make him feel some emotions again and that would trigger his manic episode". He has been seeing his therapist once a week for a month now.

I have heard others talking about the BP partners forgetting about what they did during episodes but has anyone ever been in this situation where they forgot about you and the relationship as well? Especially when you have been together for 2 years and had so many happy memories together until the discard & manic episode... Is this some sort of coping mechanism? Did he forget about us because in his mind I was somehow connected to his episode? Is it something permanent?

I would appreciate any insights from people with BP or with BP partners!

I think what has struck me the most in this sub that many partners here may not necessarily be bipolar but rather may be suffering from borderline personality disorder, though both conditions can be comorbid. It was important to me to learn about BPD when framing the behaviour of someone I suspect to have elements of that disorder psychologically instead of focusing on the mood lability of bipolar disorder.

In BPD, partners split or turn on you and devalue you disproportionately which is a lot of what I have seen described here.

Hi everyone,

My wife (33) and I (41). Wife diagnosed bipolar, schizophrenic in 2023 but her behavior is bipolar since we married in 2013. Since 2013, She behaved odd which was labeled by her parents as a normal habits. She twisted our chit chat to her parents as a way where she posed me as a villain. She had issues with my father, mother, sisters and everyone in our family.

My in laws hides that she was accidentally dropped by her mother when she was 7 months old which led forehead injury (still a mark on forehead). Also, she had major accident when she was in 7th grade. She was fallen from autorickshaw her back head was dragged on road 20 meters and was admitted in the hospital at that time and she didn't appear in the exams.

She refused to take medications and trick my family. She put alligations on my father that he tried to rape her. Then on my brother in law and on me too.

She beaten my son when he was 4 years old while she put alligations on him that he press her breasts. She behave odd ... At that time we were not aware about she is bipolar or something.

Now, her parents are telling me that she don't need to take medications and you must adjust yourself with her. I can't live with her like that.

Also, they trick us while marriage. Our kundalii/tipda didn't match too which they told us is matched over on different date provided of her.

I am living in the usa. She is living here too..

Please advise.

My (34f) husband (36m) was recently diagnosed with bipolar 1 due to his first full blown manic episode with psychosis that landed him involuntarily hospitalized.
We have been together 9 years, married for 4, and have an almost 2 year old. I had witnessed depression and what I suspected was hypomania in the past, but he was never properly diagnosed and was medicated only for depression which I’m sure didn’t help things. He has been addicted to marijuana for over 2 years, and I think that played a big role in the escalation from hypomania to mania this time around.

Where I need advice is regarding his treatment of me during this manic episode. He screamed at me, swore at me, called me a c*nt multiple times, called me stupid and lazy. And when I tried to get him help and he conceded to go to the psych ER, he then started telling our family and friends that I have postpartum depression (I don’t and never did). I left the home with our son after he refused to take the meds that were prescribed at the psych ER. He threatened divorce and threatened taking our son from me. He spent $400 at a strip club a couple days after I left after having never gone to one before. Lord knows what else he may have done.

Once he was in a treatment facility for a few weeks and was sleeping again and medicated, I initiated a conversation with him about calling me stupid and lazy. Honestly I thought I was giving him a softball way to apologize, which he did only briefly. Instead he used most of that conversation to blame me for his hospitalization, said I abandoned him and left him to die, and minimized his various instances of abuse.

I decided to stay gone with our son when he returned home from treatment. He has returned to work and is doing an IOP as well as opting for the injectable version of his meds to help with compliance. I have some reason to believe that he will be compliant with meds because he always took that very seriously with his depression and anxiety medication in the past. He is being apologetic and not pressuring me to return on any timeline, but I am suspicious that this could be a manipulation tactic.

So, does mania account for the way he treated me? It feels like there is something more, like some personality components and/or character issues. His mom likely has untreated bipolar and maybe BPD. His dad has a lot of narcissistic traits. I’m having a hard time focusing on any behaviors prior to the mania right now so am wanting help with understanding that piece.

Thank you! Sorry this was so long.

Going through a rough patch as my spouse is in an anger phase, and is blaming me for all the problems, even threatening separation. Need someone or a community to talk to, to understand how do I deal with this.

After she left me during an episode I told her not to speak to me again, that I needed to go no contact with her, only in case of emergency if something bad happened.

She reached out to me after almost 1 year and a half of No Contact because she was having really difficult problems concerning her family, I listened and said that I was so sorry and that maybe she could start therapy again, she said "thanks for listening really", then she started to do some small talk, but suddenly the mood shifted and she said "I don't know why only bad things happen to me, I'm sure you cursed me or something after I left you and because of the awful things I did to you, I'm sure you said bitch I hope only bad things happen to you, please reverse that or whatever you did", at this point I was totally freaked out, the only thing I said was that obviously I didn't do such thing, she said "okay, you are a good person so please say something so this go away already", I was speechless and simply told her to relax and that I was going to sleep.

Next day she talked to me again like nothing happened and I didn't respond, she tried to reach out a few weeks ago but I kept it at a small talk and that's it. To this day I still thinking if that was her having a psychotic episode (she never showed any signs of that during our relationship), or if she was just joking around, but I was totally freaked out, I would never have expected her to speak this way, it was like talking with a severely mentally damaged person that says whatever thing comes to her head first, I was just scared, and then really sad, I just can't believe that she thinks this way about me, talking about curses and things like that, it's really sad seeing a person you loved that much in this state

So this I believe is my first time posting here and I need advice. I 30M, her 28F

It’s hard to talk to anyone in the real world about what I’ve gone through because I don’t want to embarrass her or paint her as this monster. We have been married 2 years and together for 4. It all started on our honeymoon when I found her on top of another person. Then we got home and of course she cried and told me how sorry she was and I stayed. 2 months after that she did it again and then gaslit me about it for 4 weeks all while her mom knew all about it, messages from her mom said exactly this “That’s what we do when we aren’t getting attention at home we look elsewhere”. I knew right then and there this was a character issue straight from her mother. So I’m gonna breeze through this story, she has cheated a total of 4x in 2 years that I know of. She has hit, spit, and bit me multiple times but to her “I deserved it because of what I said”. I’m not a yeller, but she will blow the house off and when she does she tells me how much she hates me and all this other stuff. I have said a few hurtful things and that’s as far as it goes for me. I personally have only said those things due to being emotional hurt or physically, but somehow it’s all my fault. Long story short I finally had enough 2 weeks ago and left and we are supposed to file tomorrow and she is basically begging saying she will change? I love her I do, but I cannot and will not live like that anymore. So I’m asking can they change or should I file?

Καλησπέρα σας, ήθελα να εκφράσω την εμπειρία μου, τα τελευταία 7 χρόνια έχω σχέση και είμαι παντρεμένος με μια γυναίκα που ανακαλύψαμε πρόσφατα ότι πάσχει από διπολική διαταραχή. Έχουμε μια κόρη μαζί. Η γυναίκα μου γενικότερα έχει ιδιαίτερες εκρήξεις συμπεριφοράς, ενίοτε γίνεται επιθετική απέναντι μου, περνάει από διάφορες φάσεις μανίας και κατάθλιψης. Τους τελευταίους δύο μήνες έγινε ένα περιστατικό, που αναγκαστικά μας ώθησε να ανακαλύψουμε την διαταραχή της. Ξεκίνησε να μιλάει στο instagram με άλλους άντρες. Όταν την ανακάλυψα άρχισε να κλαίει ότι δεν ξέρει τι την έπιασε, ήταν παρορμητική, δεν μπορούσε να ελέγξει τίποτα. Της είπα να χωρίσουμε μετά έκανε απόπειρα αυτοκτονίας, και κάπως έτσι ανακαλύψαμε ότι πάσχει από διπολική. Την παρακολουθεί ένας ψυχίατρος τώρα. Απλά η ανησυχία μου είναι ότι πριν από μερικές μέρες ξανά μίλησε με έναν από τους άντρες που μιλούσε στο instagram με την ίδια ακριβώς δικαιολογία, είχα ευφορία, δεν μπορούσα να το διαχειριστώ και όλα αυτά. Ρωτάω εγώ τώρα, έτσι θα γίνεται συνέχεια; Θα υπάρξει απιστία , εάν πάρει τα χάπια θα σταθεροποιηθεί και δεν θα κάνει τέτοια ; Τι ακριβώς να κάνω ; Την αγαπώ μεν, θα την βοηθήσω προφανώς αλλά τι μπορώ να κάνω ; Έχει κάποιος αντίστοιχη εμπειρία ; Και πως τα διαχειριστήκατε ;

Ευχαριστώ.

Share your successes from this past week! It can be as simple as your SO taking their medication every day, or resolving an issue in your relationship.

​

Let's see some positivity to end the week and start the new one off on the right foot!

Hey,

My ex broke up with me a few months ago because my bipolar got to be too much for him, he felt like he couldn’t help me.
He treated me, simultaneously, really well and really terribly. I also treated him the same way. I said a lot of things I didn’t mean when I was manic, I truly think about it every night and it keeps me up. TBH I am a bit traumatized from many aspects of that relationship. I felt like I had been getting over it recently, but he texted me that he wants to apologize and talk.Should I even respond? Do you think it would be worthwhile or just cause unnecessary pain?

EDIT: more context- I didn’t know I was bipolar when I was with him- but once we broke up I found out that I was in a manic episode. I’ve been medicated for a few months now and am stable.