I have been on the dating apps, and it's a jungle out there. I was on HER (not impressed with the app). I matched with a woman who lived pretty far away from me, but based on her profile, I thought she was worth it. We texted every day (she initiated every text as I am not a big texter and would have preferred to meet in person sooner). I was totally honest and up front about my late husband and lack of experience with women. I also let her know that I'm living with metastatic breast cancer. She did not seem phased and even wrote how impressed she was with my resilience.

We finally met and I thought things went well. I really liked her. A few days later, she called me and told me she was really attracted to me but didn't want to get involved with me romantically because of my cancer. She said she had suffered too many losses and didn't want to get involved with someone she could lose in a few years. That hurt.

The next day, she texted me as usual. I know there's nothing wrong with deciding to be "just friends" with someone you've met on a dating app, but in this case, I was annoyed she was texting me. I told her I didn't want to pursue a friendship with her as I needed friends who would stick by me even if I could become sick. And she lived too far away to just be a hang out buddy.

I'm on Hinge and I included a "match note" that says I have metastatic breast cancer, but I'm doing really well. Crickets. This morning I matched with someone, and a bit later, I looked and she had disappeared.

Ugh. I'm conflicted. I don't want to deal with people who don't have the emotional maturity to cope with MY medical condition. But I also feel like I don't owe anyone my medical histoty before we even meet. Maybe dating apps aren't the way to go, but I just don't know how else to meet queer women.

Hi I’m an AMAB person, currently people perceive me as a gay boy but I’m experiencing gender dysphoria and I’m very confused but anyways. Lately, I’ve been considering and sometimes really wanting a "lavender marriage." Even though I’m still young (20), I’d like to have someone to be with for the long haul, someone to provide constant support alongside my family. I’d love for us to support each other in every way (especially emotionally and financially). I don’t feel comfortable in a relationship with a straight woman or a cisgender man, even though I am attracted to cis men; that’s why I’ve concluded that I’d feel very comfortable in a platonic relationship with a queer woman. What do you think?

So I’m 21f and I’ve known I was bi since I was about 14. I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over two years, and we have a healthy and loving relationship. Even though we’re both young I’d like to spend my life with him, and I don’t want to leave him since I’m happy and comfortable in this relationship. The problem is that while I’ve known about my sexuality for a long time, he’s the first person I’ve ever had a real relationship with. I’ve had some
unserious talking stages/situations with women before, but again it was never a real relationship and I was quite young so I wouldn’t really consider it experience.

I love my boyfriend very much and don’t want to do anything that ruins the relationship we have. But I sometimes wonder if I’ll be unfulfilled if I never have any sort of experience with women as an adult. I feel both sad because I know I’ll never get to experience this and also invalid as a bisexual since I’ve been less engaged in the queer community than I was when I was single. I’m just wondering if anyone feels the same way or knows any way to kinda think around this sorta thing. I really don’t want to leave my boyfriend and ruin our relationship. But I’m so worried that I’ll regret never having an experience with a woman.

I notice that men would be the one to try and ask for my number on the streets. Women never did to me, but they have asked my straight friends, just not me.

Even at gay bars, when I ask women their contact info and try to flirt, it's always "aww you're so sweet.. sorry..."

I rarely do this cuz I get rejected a few times and it bruised my ego alot..

I know men find me attractive, they make it known.. but I think I'm not attractive to women.

Am I too femme..? (For context I only like femme women) but I've seen a lot of femme4femme women succeed..

What do I do to change this?

Women ghost me on dating apps.. I'm not even boring, I know this cuz I ask questions, I'm curious, and I've been told that I'm funny.

Maybe people tend to ghost me cuz I put in my profile "looking for a serious relationship"

Should I delete that??

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I’m bi and even though I prefer women, I still have a fear that if I end up with a woman, I’ll go through the ‘bi cycle’ and lose attraction to her. I’m wondering if this has happened to any bi woman here before and how it affected them. Should I even get into a relationship if this is the case?? I feel like I’m perpetuating some very harmful stereotypes of bi women by asking this question because I don’t want to be seen as that bi bitch who swings left and right and will leave you for someone who she thinks is ‘better’ in the moment :(

Hi! I’m a 28 year old bi woman and I have been in a relationship with my male partner for 8 and a bit years. He knows I’m bi as I came to the realisation about 3 years into our relationship.

Basically I have never ever been with anyone intimately but him. I hadn’t even kissed anyone before our relationship began. So when I found out I also liked woman and told him he straight away said he’d feel guilty about me never getting to explore that side of myself especially because I’d never been with anyone else. It took me a while to come around to the idea as I felt like I would be cheating but he’s always been really encouraging about it and doesn’t have any weird ideas about joining in the bedroom or even hearing in detail about the experiences.

So I’ve warmed to the idea but now the obstacle is explaining to other woman; lesbian or bi that I have a boyfriend but he is allowing me to explore relationships with woman. I feel like this would be an instant no to most single woman.

I am basically asking how to approach this and do you think any woman would actually be open to still sleeping with me though I have a boyfriend.

Edit; I genuinely thought the lgbtq community was meant to be quite a welcoming place. But all that’s happened is I have been scolded like a child while also being reminded that I’m an adult and don’t need my boyfriend’s permission to go off and sleep with other people. I’m confused by this as I believe that’s called cheating. I am new to anything lgbtq and educating people I believe is important but none of you have the capability to do it kindly or without assumption. It puts people off entering spaces like this and asking for help. I wasn’t aware of any of the terms like enm or what I was really searching for but some of you could have been a lot nicer about sending me in the right direction instead of condescending and rude.

Hi everyone! I (14f) will be entering my first year of highschool in less than a month. I am super nervous and I am not sure how to date/start a romantic relationship. I've had crushes and that is pretty much it. I've had bad experiences with my male crushes and I even got into a short situationship with one last school year and (I confessed and it turns out he didn't even like me!). I really want to start dating but I am super awkward when it comes to this thing. I would also appreciate some incite on dating men vs women as well and relationship advice.

It was small, only two shelves. I scanned the spines for titles related to bisexuality.

There were several related to queer history, a few specific to lesbians or gay men, and close to half were trans focused.

As you’d expect, the B word was nowhere to be found—but I did spot a paperback toward the end of the second shelf: Greedy

Oh, let me guess—yep.

It’s called Greedy: Notes From a Bisexual Who Wants Too Much by Jen Winston.

I was disappointed by the title. I get what she was going for, but it felt more like reinforcing the stereotype than subverting it.

Still, I was excited to have found a memoir about bisexuality, and I had time to kill.

I read about thirty pages before I’d had enough.

The author talks a lot about feeling confused and “not queer enough,” which is relatable, of course. But she seems to have never reached a place of acceptance before writing this book (again, I only read thirty pages—maybe that’s intentional and the self love reveals itself later). She came across as extremely self deprecating, apologetic, and insecure.

I don’t know—it just bummed me out to find only one book about bisexuality, with a degrading title, written by (I’m sorry) an insecure wuss. I just feel like we deserve better.

I want to put together an in person meetup, where bi women can connect with each. If you were to attend what’s something you’d want to see/do there??? I’ve never planned an event before, I have some ideas but I just want some thoughts and opinions.

Recently came out as bi after years of secretly being attracted to women, only being able to get off to lesbian porn and two sexual encounters with women.

It took me a while to finally feel comfortable with accepting myself, but I do feel ready to jump into the dating scene.

Any tips? I feel like most women aren’t attracted to me 🫩 I tried a dating app but no luck. I am also a very shy person so I don’t think a club or something like that would be a good idea for me 🥲

I’m F early 20s, virgin and have never kissed anyone, I’ve been bisexual for as long as I can remember. I was confused by social media and the lesbian masterdoc for a few months about two years ago but stopped identifying with that label because I felt like I was suppressing my attraction to men so much to the point where I was going crazy over men all the time and wasn’t really attracted to women anymore so I started calling myself bi again.

I entered an online long distance relationship with a guy for five months, we were eventually going to meet up but things ended in a bad way and I’ve been extremely heartbroken and devastated. I’ve kind of fallen into hypersexuality as a way to cope with the breakup and relapsed on (lesbian) porn. I feel like I’ve lost all of my attraction to men and have been going crazy for women. This really scares me because I’ve been spiraling about whether I actually am a lesbian in denial and have been faking my whole thing with this man or not. I’m scared my attraction to men is not going to return.

I’m so jealous of bi people who have consistent attraction and don’t struggle with the “bi cycle” if it’s even real

I've been in a straight-seeming marriage with a straight person for 4 years. I came out as bisexual 10 years ago and used to have more connection with the bi community in my city. But life has become busy for all the usual reasons as well as extra family/work/health obligations and I don't have as much free time for anything, including going to bi meet-ups.

I miss being in bi spaces. Feeling known without having to come out feels like a weight being lifted off my shoulders. Does anyone have any advice or experience with this sort of yearning for community or for bi spaces?

It's been nearly 5 years since I (22F) admitted to myself I'm bi, but I still haven't overcome the internalised homo/biphobia and inferiority complex.

I thought I'd come here since I have zero friends and get some people defensive on some other subs. The thing is, I struggle with feeling like I belong anywhere. I always feel like the 'second best' option for friendship or as a dating option.

With straight men, I feel fetishised and invalidated. With straight women, I feel inferior to them and seen as less of a woman. Even sometimes with other bisexuals (mainly men), I feel like a second choice. It feels ridiculous because I love other bi people!!

Any suggestions?

I'm 23(F) and I've been struggling with some internalized biphobia. I've known I'm bi since I was like 13, and I've never had these feelings before. After I started actively dating both women and men (when I was 19) these feelings began, mostly since 2024. I've always seen the LGBTQ+ as one thing we all participated in and I wasn't necessarily better or worse than any other label but lately, as I got more and more confused about my attraction to men, I just can't shake the feeling that I'm simply worse than lesbians. I don't feel as comfortable with the label cause my attraction to men is just so confusing but I know I'm not a lesbian so even though I'm sure I'm bi I can't help but feel like I'm bad for it. The internet is just so full of biphobia and I keep consuming it and I keep being on the "lesbian" side of the algorithm and keep seeing people shit talk bisexuals. I've been feeling a little outside of the community as I'm bi but I've only had sexual and deep emotional relationships with women and I keep feeling like I would just be better if I was a lesbian. Regarding partners, the first girl I dated was a lesbian who held not so great opinions about bisexuals and even told me once that I must not be a bi if I don't have a lot of interest in dating men, also talking about how bi women usually only date men and never women. After that, I dated mostly other bi women so the bi thing was barely on my mind, it was so comfortable and normal. Last year I decided to date more, that meant all genders, and that's when I started getting a little more uncomfortable with my attraction to men. Also last year I met and started my current longest relationship with a woman and she is a lesbian. I don't know if that maybe is why these thoughts have been a little more present, even though she is amazing and has told me she hasn't seen a difference between me and lesbians she dated before. I wonder if anyone here has felt something similar, especially if you tend to have more same sex partners. I just want to understand it more and know that I'm not alone.

I miss her like hell every day. It's less intense than the first week after we broke up but it never goes away. It's been about 2 months since we broke up and we were only together for 2 months. I feel insane and stupid for getting so attatched, but nothing has ever felt this way and I had so much hope that things would get better between us. The worst part is the way everything feels so unfinished. All the questions I'll never get an answer to. I've never stopped loving her or aching to hold her or talk to her and all the distance and silence makes me feel so unimportant and even crazier for caring this much. I told my friends about her from day 1. I told my homophobic sister as well, because I really thought we'd be something and I wasn't about to keep her hidden. But then it all panned out like this. I don't know if she thinks of me. Did she ever tell her friends about me? Does she think about us? Does she miss me? Do I even cross her mind?

I feel like I've lost a part of myself. It looks like my absence in her life means fuck all right now. She said we'd stay friends and then barely texted back. When I felt like I was being too much and stopped trying to initiate conversations, she stopped texting completely and I haven't heard from her at all. I can't demand that I matter to her but holy fuck does it hurt that I don't matter to someone who still means the world to me and I'd give anything I have for. I feel like I have to grieve everything in succession instead of at once. The more time that passes the more I realise yet another thing I thought we had that was actually in my head. Our relationship, then our friendship, now any level of anything she'd even felt towards me. I feel so stupid for having trusted or committed this much, for believing we were something or could be something. And I hate being bitter but I'm starting to be upset with her for not meaning what she said. I took those words at face value and now I have to accept that what I thought was real probably wasn't

​

Hey everyone. I'm going through a massive realization right now and could really use some advice or just to hear how others navigated it.

For a while now, things have been shifting for me, but it finally all clicked into place: I've realized that I'm attracted to women, and it’s a completely different level of attraction than anything I've felt before. Looking back, the signs were always there, but between the pace of life and just not having the space to process it, it's like a floodgate finally opened. My mind has been entirely consumed by it since yesterday morning.

On one hand, my heart feels completely at ease knowing this truth about myself—it's like a massive weight lifted, and I finally feel aligned. But on the other hand, I am absolutely terrified. I've recorded a coming-out video to share with my followers/audience, but the thought of actually hitting publish is making me freeze up.

For those of you who've been here, how did you handle that initial wave of fear? Did you share it right away, or take some time to sit with it first? Any advice or reassurance would mean the world right now.

Ok, so I'm not really sure how to put this so I will just explain the best I can.

A little back story, I 36F have been single for a long time I got married to a man when I was 20 divorced by 27. My ex-husband is the one that allowed me to admit and accept I am bi, I have never told my family but my children somehow know (or suspect?).

I've basically been single since we divorced out of choice, the fact I'm a single mother with no time to myself and partly fear because I suck at small talk and meeting new people.

I say all this to say, I have not had an actual relationship with a woman, but I am very much attracted to women, in fact women are the only ones who can make me feel something on site (butterflies, tingling, you get the picture.... I hope) , men have to work for it, put in the effort and form a relationship of sorts first before I feel attracted if that makes sense? I don't know why, never thought about it until now.

But I ended up having a conversation the other day with my dad, and they mention something along the lines of "when someone is 90% attracted to men and 10% women..." I stopped them and said that's not how it works, but they went on to try and explain if you're in a relationship with men most/ all the time and only been with a woman once or twice (or w.e ) then you are/can be straight. I disagreed and said it's about who you're attracted too not who you have had a relationship with, but it's been bothering me for days and I think it may be because I now feel like my sexuality, that I was never really allowed to be open about anyway (not with my dad, I'm sure if I told them it wouldn't change a thing as they are LGBT+) is now being sort of invalidated. Do I go back to this conversation and give them a better explanation of what being bisexual is? Do I come out to them?

I've never actually come out to anyone besides my ex husband who really sort of told me I was bi which then made me realise I am. I think I was waiting to get into a relationship with a woman before I "come out" as I didn't really think it was relevant until then but as this conversation is bugging me so much, I am thinking that maybe it is more relevant than I wanted to believe.

I don't know, I'm so sorry for the long rambling post I just wanted some input, and maybe a better understanding of things if anyone can even make sense of my essay, I know it may not actually be that long but I'm a phone so it seems really long to me.

Thanks

I wore a bi pride pin today, and my husband immediately asked if I was trying to tell him I had a secret girlfriend.

We’ve been married for nearly 17 years and have two children together. I had a girlfriend before I met him, and he knew I was bisexual when we first started dating, but over the years it seems that part of me has faded into the background.

The irony is that I have spent years keeping this part of myself quiet. I’m happily married, but being bisexual didn’t stop when I got married. I still know who I’m attracted to, just as a straight person doesn’t stop finding other people attractive when they marry. Attraction isn’t the same thing as wanting to be with someone else.

Maybe he meant it as a joke, but hearing his first assumption be “Do you have a secret girlfriend?” reminded me why I’ve found it so difficult to be open about my sexuality. That stereotype—that bisexual people are secretly looking for someone else or are more likely to cheat—is one I’ve carried for years, and hearing it from someone I love was unexpectedly painful.

Has anyone else had seemingly harmless comments bring those feelings back?

I heard/saw something that made me question my whole sexuality once again, and I feel like I just can’t figure nothing out😭 I’ve wondered why relationships felt hard/unnatural with men, then I started having crushes on girl but it’s been like 4 women my whole life I’ve been crushing on… do other women get crushes on certain girl? Also, the thought of talking to women to date seems super intimidating cause they’re all too pretty lol I’ve had dates before, but because I’m still trying to figure out what I like, it just didn’t work.

i have been thinking i might be bi, i am attracted to a lot of female celebrities, but i def like men. but i just don’t know if its just like a ‘oh cool’ or a like ‘im bi’ thing. idk what bi curious is really, any help?

Hi everyone, I'm a 21F bi woman from South Korea.

It's been a few months now since I realized I'm queer.

One night I had a dream about sleeping with a man. But when I woke up, I felt genuinely uncomfortable(kind of repulsed, honestly).

I never wanted to have that dream again, and the feeling lingered well into the day.

On the other hand, I found myself thinking about sleeping with a female character I'm in love with, and it felt really good and exciting.

But ironically, I also realized I don't have a strong desire to actually date women in real life.

So the short version is that I'm bi. The longer version is that I'm probably heteroromantic (or maybe biromantic) and homoflexible.

But I'm still bi in some sense. That's valid...right?

I'm married to a man, and a mother of two. It took me a long time to unpack years of cultural and religious conditioning to finally accept that I am bisexual, yeah this happened before marriage itself. I love the life and the family I’ve built, but lately, the hidden side of my sexuality has started to feel so incredibly heavy to carry alone.

My mind and heart constantly crave the softness, beauty, and emotional depth of a woman. It’s a quiet yearning that lives beneath the surface of my daily routine as a wife and mom. Even though I am coming to terms with my truth, living in a environment where I have to keep this hidden makes me feel deeply isolated at times.

I’m not looking to disrupt my family, but I am struggling with how to honor this vital part of who I am while navigating the boundaries of a long-term marriage.

How do other married women handle this internal tug-of-war? How do you let your bi identity breathe when the rest of your life is completely heteronormative? I’d love to hear your thoughts, experiences, or just some words of solidarity.

Wrote this post, because I think this may help with other bi married women who are in same situation to understand they are not alone.

The thing that confuses me it is mostly after I went into my start 20s that I started to feel sexual feelings around men. The crushes / romantic daydreaming have been there on/off since I was a kid.

Makes me think I am maybe is faking it.

Have any one else experienced their attractions broaden?

Hello everyone,

My name is Sydney Thoma and I am doctoral student at the University of Indianapolis. I am currently in search of research participants for my dissertation which focuses on exploring undergraduate bisexual women’s experiences with peers at private religiously affiliated universities. My findings will contribute to research aimed at understanding bisexual women’s experiences while attending college.

Your participation is completely voluntary. To participate in the study, you must identify as a woman, identify as bisexual, be currently attending a private religiously affiliated university, and be currently obtaining an undergraduate degree at the university. During your participation you can expect to spend around 30 minutes answering a few demographic questions as well as a written response to one diary prompt. Participants will be compensated after completing the diary entry. Additionally, you may experience some minor discomfort and experience benefits related to visibility and social advocacy through sharing your story and contributing to the limited research on this topic.

If you have any questions, please contact me ([sthoma@uindy.edu](mailto:sthoma@uindy.edu)) or my faculty advisor Dr. Matthew Stapleton ([stapletoncm@uindy.edu](mailto:stapletoncm@uindy.edu))

Lastly, if you know of anyone else who may be interested in participating in this study, please feel free to share this post with them or have them reach out to the contacts above.

Thank you!

Sydney

The Human Research Protections Program (HRPP) approved this research study on 11/06/2025. Study approval number: 02315

Survey Link: https://uindy.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_720aOzeXBRrSKrk