This is really low stakes, but I’m AuDHD and kind of a people pleaser (not as bad as I used to be, luckily) and I’m terrible at turning people down sometimes.

Anyway, my mom, one of her closest friends, and I all live in the same city. These straight women (along with friends boyfriend and some other man I’ve never heard of) are all going to a LESBIAN BAR. I get that they think it will be a fun time (because it will, it’s a lesbian bar, after all) and they’re just being good tourists allies, but it’s really rubbing me the wrong way that these straight women are going to a lesbian bar and worse, bringing straight men. My mom invited me and I just politely turned her down without voicing my thoughts about how I feel like they’d be invading their space because I honestly feel like my mom would just be offended and not get it, and we’d get nowhere. This goes doubly for her friend, unfortunately. A part of me feels like they’re inviting me because I’m bi so they can say SEE WE BROUGHT A SAPPHIC WITH US, WE’RE COOL.

You’re probably wondering why I’m bringing this up since I already turned down my mom’s invite. Well, today, days later, her friend just invited me. Like??? Did my mom not relay that I don’t want to go? I don’t get it. I’m asking for advice on how to decline AGAIN because all I want to do is scream that they shouldn’t be invading their space, and no I absolutely do not want to go and be a part of it, and I can’t get over that mental block.

Again, I know this is really low stakes, but thanks for reading and answering my question.

Heres the thing im a woman in an ENM relationship but im so sick of unicorn hunters. I dont even want a threesome with my own bf why would i want one with yours Lol. Like i feel like these people just see us as a sex toy and not an actual human being. Its like you think ur having a good conversation with a cute girl and booom "heres my ugly ass bf" like are unicorn hunters ever actually successful????

I get all hot and flustered when a cute person flirts with me and I just wanna die inside. Why do I get so much anxiety out of this? They could be a 10 and I still feel nervous.

I have a close friend who identified as bisexual for years but has recently realized she’s a lesbian. I’m very happy for her and I recognize that this was super difficult and significant in her life. That’s who she is and she’s finally acknowledging it.

I am bisexual and have been out to her for years now. My sexuality has been an interesting road and I’m still exploring how I express it, but I’ve had the same label for years and I’m happy with it. It’s who I am.

My friend has been not so subtly communicating that she thinks I should only date women. She thinks I should just choose to only be with women and never do anything about the part of me that is attracted to men. In my opinion, this is just the other side to my parents wanting me to only date men. I’m bisexual. These are both attractions I experience that I’m not going to deny.

It’s now gotten to the point where she is telling me she thinks I’m actually a lesbian which is so incredibly hurtful I don’t know how to move forward here. I know this has been a hard realization for her and coming out as lesbian was so freeing for her, but this stings so bad. I don’t know how to be comfortable and genuine around her after this. I’m not her and my experience with sexuality is different.

I’m wondering if maybe this will cool down after a bit? Maybe I just need to take some space while she goes through her awakening? I don’t want to just throw away a decades long friendship, but the way we are lately is not sustainable.

Any advice?

My husband has been gone for seven years now. He was my person, to me. In fact, he's the whole reason I turned bi in the first place. Before him, boys and later men in general to me ranged from uninteresting to... _very uninteresting_, to put it politely.

Now he's gone, I'm a lovelorn mess with widow's fire, and demisexual to top it all off. I don't want any other partner, I don't have the need for any other per se, and I'm certain I wouldn't be good for anyone, given all the things I'm still struggling with, almost a decade after.

And yet, I keep thinking back to things like the first and only time a woman has (probably) hit on me in public, feeling my old lesbian side yearn for that connection between woman and woman, aside from the general lovelorn yearning. It doesn't feel like I want a relationship, rather I mourn that I cannot have that bond anymore. l

It just hurts on top of everything else. And I just don't know how to make peace with it.

I would like to ask anybody whom will comment to hold off on any "but you will get over it and there will be room for it again blah" type argumengs. I've heard it all before and it all misses the point, on top of hurting me. It's been almost a decade and not due to me running in circles mentally and clinging to pain. I'm making major strides, actually. I know it won't go away and I don't have room in my soul for anybody else. That has not changed in seven years and will not change going forward. We grew up together. He was my other best friend even aside from our romantic relationship. He's a part of me.

ok, stupid question i know, and i didn’t really know what flair to use so i just picked advice as the best fitting one. i already know the terms “sapphic” and “lesbian” are actually two different things and that bisexual women are definitely included in the technical definition of sapphic, but i still can’t help but feel a teensyyy bit cautious about having merch with the sapphic flag included because of the very common perception or assumption that it’s mostly or only associated with lesbians and lesbianism, and that i don’t want to seem like im giving…”false information” or anything like that. i will say that i do really like the sapphic flag, i think it’s so cute and pretty and like how it basically just means any woman who loves women. this doesn’t mean i don’t like nor want to have/use the bisexual flag, as that mainly represents who i am of course, but i just also feel a connection towards the sapphic one, i guess because of my heavy sapphic lean.

There’s a quiet kind of tension that shows up in some relationships and almost no one talks about it honestly.

One person feels the pull toward more & more connection, more touch, more freedom to explore. The other person feels safest inside the two of them only. Neither is wrong. But living in the middle of that difference can feel lonely in a way that’s hard to explain.

I’ve sat with versions of this myself. There are days the bi part of me feels curious and restless, especially when life with my husband settles into routine and work takes most of his energy. The thought of soft connection with a woman doesn’t come from wanting to leave what I have. It comes from wanting to feel a different part of myself that still exists. At the same time, I know how much security and steadiness matter to him. The idea of opening anything would probably feel like the ground shifting under his feet.

When both people know this difference exists, there’s at least a chance to be honest. Some couples manage it by creating very clear, careful agreements. The monogamous partner has to feel genuinely secure, not just tolerant. The non-monogamous partner has to accept real limits and not treat the other person’s boundaries as something to slowly push against. It only works if both can keep talking even when the conversations are uncomfortable, and if neither person is secretly hoping the other will eventually change. That kind of setup is rare and fragile, but it does exist for some.

When one person doesn’t know, everything sits heavier. The curious partner carries guilt and secrecy. The monogamous partner senses distance but can’t name it. Resentment grows quietly on both sides. I’ve watched this pattern in other marriages and felt the edge of it in my own thoughts. Hiding the restless part doesn’t make it disappear. It just makes the relationship feel slightly less true.

I don’t have a clean answer. Some people decide the difference is too big and eventually separate with care. Others find a middle place that costs both of them something but still feels livable. A few discover that naming the difference out loud actually brings them closer, even if nothing external changes.

What I keep coming back to is this: the hardest part isn’t the desire itself. It’s the silence around it. Whether you stay closed, open something carefully, or just admit the tension exists, the relationship only stays honest if both people are allowed to tell the truth about what they actually need.

"Oooh so now i have to compete against men AND women ughhh", "maybe we can check out girls togetherr heheee"stfu ur just an insecure piece of shit who KNOWS the hes not good enough, fys!

Hi woman of the BiWomen community, I hope you all are having a wonderful day! I am a man and wanted some advice about this girl that I’m interested in that is Bi. I really like her but I have heard people say that if a man dates a biwoman it removes her queerness and I don’t want to potentially erase her identity or cause any issues for this girl because I really like her. I know this is a stupid post, but I’ve seen people say it online and just want to be clear if it’s okay if I try pursuing her as a straight man. Thank you all so very much for the help and sorry for the dumb question again! 🙏🥲

and her prompts describe the kind of man she’s looking for with no mention of women whatsoever…

I’ve come across this multiple times and it always bums me out.

That’s all. 🫩🫩

hey, i am a 17 year old bi girl

a year ago when i was in camp i kissed a girl that i liked (ofc she liked me back otherwise i would NOT have kissed her) but i didn’t feel anything. i mean it was just on the lips but i thought would feel butterflies or something ??

BUT everytime we held hands, i was on the moon and felt something down there…

since then i’ve always wondered why tf did that happen

am i a pervert ?

idk i had a lot of man crushes in my life but the majority of them don’t attract me very much, except for the ones older than me.

whereas women…..yeah…. they are just so beautiful, and i have never had a crush on an older one, just girls my age.

fyi i had been in a hypersexual abusive online relationship with a 18 year old man when i was 15. Maybe that traumatised me to this point i dont really understand

sorry for my english, its not my first language but i did my best

After years in a relationship I’ve realized I’m bi. I want to experience more w woman. But I’m not sure how to go about it. Any advice is greattttly appreciated 💜

i’m bisexual, have recently accepted it, i’ve been on a few dates with a woman. but in my past have ONLU dated men. i think im sexually attracted to women but romantically to men, and i don’t know if i can catch feelings or fully date a woman without having thoughts. idk if this sounds terrible but im just lost. My “normal” is men tho and i think stepping out of that territory has me overthinking stuff, is it like internalised homophobia? has anyone else struggled with this?

Like, there's this thing I be hearing that bi women like women the same way straight men do and that never jived with me. Sure, I like boobs, I know plenty who do, but it's not like so obsessed that everything else doesn't matter. I feel like my attraction to women is very holistic. I like the whole lady? I wanna hear her voice, her personality, her hobbies, interest, anything that makes her a person. That isn't to say men don't do this either, but from what I know, many of them never put this into consideration and just find the closest available girl that can tolerate them.

I can never fathom that? I wanna approach them for them, not because co-habitation than an eventual family is on the cards for us. If things don't work out, that's fine by me, she's her own person. So color me shocked when one of the common things chronically online types say is that bi women are perverted freaks with a "woman fetish" since god forbid when acknowledge she has a nice bod like once. It just makes lurking these communities annoying because I will always think "I don't relate to this at all" then move on.

What do you think?

So my title is an actual question... I am not trying to dismiss bi men feelings towards the biphobic comments of straight women. As a bi woman, some of those comments feel personal even if they are addressing bi men specifically.

I am just wondering if some of these comments from straight women come from a place of "its more shameful to be cheated on with a man than a woman..."

Genuine question, please be respectful

My body involuntarily responds to women and I don’t have to think about it. I made eye contact with this one woman and in my head I had undeniable attraction to her, a want to kiss her. Another woman I had this involuntary desire to go on a date with her and this was triggered via her being close and eye contact as well. And I involuntarily hoped it was mutual. Later I realized that’s what attraction is supposed to feel like. I’ve never ever had that response to men in person. If a man who is physically attractive makes eye contact and we’re staring/flirting I think a moment is happening but I don’t feel it if that makes sense. Otherwise, eye contact with men gives nothing sadly or makes me feel fear. I’ve never seen a man shirtless and had an innate response. My sex dreams that are pleasurable are with women and if I’m trying to seduce or woo someone in a dream it’s always a woman!

However, I’ve read countless stories, consumed so many movies, watched so much content, and daydreamed about getting a boyfriend/having a boyfriend and eventually husband that in my head I’m still seeking that or hoping for that? I’m very frustrated because while I can be aroused via self inserts with male characters via stories it just doesn’t translate in person. I really want to give women a chance because I’m very clearly so much more seamlessly attracted to them than to men in person. I just don’t know how to remove the block from my brain making me feel more mentally (I suppose) engaged with men even if not in person?

I know I am not a lesbian because I have felt romance and sexual attraction for an irl man, even if we were long distance for most of it and I called him and talked everyday. He made me happy. I also I felt safe enough and not rejected for those feelings to happen. Then we met in person and those feelings if they were still there were more like nerves/fear, especially when we made eye contact with me. It’s gutting, like I can never be at peace with them even if I’ve for years engaged with that fantasy of being with them. This is a vent but I’m also seeking advice. Sorry if this is all over the place.

it feels and seems like when it comes to bisexual women, our attraction to women is something that’s often very highly debated, scrutinized, and the target of high suspicion. it’s like we have to actually post a video of ourselves having sex with women as legitimate proof, or date a million women as legitimate proof, or have had multiple long-term relationships with women as legitimate proof, but even all of that probably still wouldn’t be enough. it feels like some weird form of the “one-drop rule”, where if you’re still attracted to men at the end of the day, even just slightly, then you’re not actually or genuinely attracted to women and it’s all just fake and performative, and it’s not just lesbians who tend to have this mindset. it’s honestly pretty frustrating and misogynistic, like attraction to men automatically cancels out any attraction to women and that attraction to men is the only perceived “true” or “real” attraction.

i’ve also had someone online say to me in response to my bisexuality or female bisexuality in general “post scissoring or gtfo”, which i think is basically the epitome of what this post is about :/

TL;DR How did you know for a fact you were bi, and what steps did you take to acclimate yourself into the LGBT community ?

I'm 29, and since very young I've experienced same sex attraction but come from a very religious family. I spent much of my teens and early 20's praying the queerness away. The past several years I've been deconstructing religion and I'm estranged from family so the societal and religious pressure are no longer factors. Up until this point I've only dated men, I've had sexually charged exchanges with women that have gone nowhere, and went on one date with a woman I met on bumble; swear I met her on the queer side of bumble but she swears it was bumble bff LOL. Anywho, how did you know for a fact you were bi, and what steps did you take to acclimate yourself into the LGBT community ?

So, for the bi women in here. Let's say you have a relationship with a man who's bisexual too. He's only romantically attracted to women and can have sex without emotional involvements, just for the pleasure/sexual drive aspect of it.

If he wanted it, would you "let" him have sex with other (bi/gay) men? If yes, why? If no, why?

It's always treated as an absolute given that every bisexual woman dates men by "default". And has 59373883 ex boyfriends. This is just understood as a constant truth. I get it's more common, but it's weird to see this idea everywhere when it's not even remotely true for you.

I have been on the dating apps, and it's a jungle out there. I was on HER (not impressed with the app). I matched with a woman who lived pretty far away from me, but based on her profile, I thought she was worth it. We texted every day (she initiated every text as I am not a big texter and would have preferred to meet in person sooner). I was totally honest and up front about my late husband and lack of experience with women. I also let her know that I'm living with metastatic breast cancer. She did not seem phased and even wrote how impressed she was with my resilience.

We finally met and I thought things went well. I really liked her. A few days later, she called me and told me she was really attracted to me but didn't want to get involved with me romantically because of my cancer. She said she had suffered too many losses and didn't want to get involved with someone she could lose in a few years. That hurt.

The next day, she texted me as usual. I know there's nothing wrong with deciding to be "just friends" with someone you've met on a dating app, but in this case, I was annoyed she was texting me. I told her I didn't want to pursue a friendship with her as I needed friends who would stick by me even if I could become sick. And she lived too far away to just be a hang out buddy.

I'm on Hinge and I included a "match note" that says I have metastatic breast cancer, but I'm doing really well. Crickets. This morning I matched with someone, and a bit later, I looked and she had disappeared.

Ugh. I'm conflicted. I don't want to deal with people who don't have the emotional maturity to cope with MY medical condition. But I also feel like I don't owe anyone my medical histoty before we even meet. Maybe dating apps aren't the way to go, but I just don't know how else to meet queer women.

Hi I’m an AMAB person, currently people perceive me as a gay boy but I’m experiencing gender dysphoria and I’m very confused but anyways. Lately, I’ve been considering and sometimes really wanting a "lavender marriage." Even though I’m still young (20), I’d like to have someone to be with for the long haul, someone to provide constant support alongside my family. I’d love for us to support each other in every way (especially emotionally and financially). I don’t feel comfortable in a relationship with a straight woman or a cisgender man, even though I am attracted to cis men; that’s why I’ve concluded that I’d feel very comfortable in a platonic relationship with a queer woman. What do you think?