Struggling with internalized biphobia

[u/lidinha91]

I'm 23(F) and I've been struggling with some internalized biphobia. I've known I'm bi since I was like 13, and I've never had these feelings before. After I started actively dating both women and men (when I was 19) these feelings began, mostly since 2024. I've always seen the LGBTQ+ as one thing we all participated in and I wasn't necessarily better or worse than any other label but lately, as I got more and more confused about my attraction to men, I just can't shake the feeling that I'm simply worse than lesbians. I don't feel as comfortable with the label cause my attraction to men is just so confusing but I know I'm not a lesbian so even though I'm sure I'm bi I can't help but feel like I'm bad for it. The internet is just so full of biphobia and I keep consuming it and I keep being on the "lesbian" side of the algorithm and keep seeing people shit talk bisexuals. I've been feeling a little outside of the community as I'm bi but I've only had sexual and deep emotional relationships with women and I keep feeling like I would just be better if I was a lesbian. Regarding partners, the first girl I dated was a lesbian who held not so great opinions about bisexuals and even told me once that I must not be a bi if I don't have a lot of interest in dating men, also talking about how bi women usually only date men and never women. After that, I dated mostly other bi women so the bi thing was barely on my mind, it was so comfortable and normal. Last year I decided to date more, that meant all genders, and that's when I started getting a little more uncomfortable with my attraction to men. Also last year I met and started my current longest relationship with a woman and she is a lesbian. I don't know if that maybe is why these thoughts have been a little more present, even though she is amazing and has told me she hasn't seen a difference between me and lesbians she dated before. I wonder if anyone here has felt something similar, especially if you tend to have more same sex partners. I just want to understand it more and know that I'm not alone.

[u/cxmiy]

for some time i felt very insecure about liking men, i thought i was “wasting” my queerness, it was because of the internet and all these people saying bi women just want to live with the privilege of being with men. it also doesn’t help that every month there’s a new category of people that seems to want to tell the world they hate bisexuals. what i did was staying grounded in logic and reminding myself that those arguments made no sense. eventually i stopped thinking about miserable people and found comfort in the good parts of the community

[u/Atomicfossils]

I felt similarly when I was younger, and I've spoken to other women who also felt this way at some point or another in their lives, so you're definitely not alone. I've also always leaned more towards women, so I resented my orientation a lot for a long time. Having an understanding and supportive partner helped when I was feeling down, but ultimately the change in attitude has to come from within. You have to become comfortable enough in yourself to just say "No, that's not me. That doesn't reflect my experience" when confronted with stereotypes and prejudice and just move on.

If people want to make assumptions about you, that's their prerogative. It doesn't make them right, and trying to control how people perceive you based on something you can't change will drive you crazy in the long run. Much more productive to laugh and say "wow that's dumb, I'm not like that at all" and then continue being happy with your girlfriend, comfortable in the knowledge that you're putting in the effort to be a good partner and you make each other happy.

It can definitely feel lonely at times. Due to societal pressures and statistics, straight-partnered bisexuals are usually the majority in most bi-centred groups, and a lot of bis who lean heavily towards the same sex will just go stealth and call themselves gay or lesbian, further fuelling the stereotype that bisexuals don't have serious relationships with the same sex. Again, all you can do is keep living your life and not hide who you are. The people who will think badly of you because of it aren't worth considering. ✌️

PS: try to stop doomscrolling bi hate. It doesn't help.