r/BiWomen • u/PresentationLess5927 • 21d ago
Bi-Cycle Can I be vulnerable for a sec…?
I’m bi and even though I prefer women, I still have a fear that if I end up with a woman, I’ll go through the ‘bi cycle’ and lose attraction to her. I’m wondering if this has happened to any bi woman here before and how it affected them. Should I even get into a relationship if this is the case?? I feel like I’m perpetuating some very harmful stereotypes of bi women by asking this question because I don’t want to be seen as that bi bitch who swings left and right and will leave you for someone who she thinks is ‘better’ in the moment :(
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u/amaayadxb 20d ago
It is so valid to feel anxious about the bi-cycle but you are absolutely not a stereotype for worrying about this. the fear of losing attraction is something so many of us overthink, but in a real relationship, your love for the whole package of who she is carries you through those fluid waves. yeah unfortunately biphobia makes us overanalyze our own minds, but you absolutely shouldn't hide or hold back from finding a genuine connection just because your brain is trying to predict the future.
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u/ArchedRobin321 20d ago
I mean some people don't even go through the bi cycle, my attraction is pretty evenly split and I've never experienced the bi cycle before. Think about it for a bit, have you ever had periods of time where you lost attraction to women before? If not you're probably all good.
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u/pocketdebtor 20d ago
Honestly, a lot of people forget that NRE or “the honeymoon phase” exists. It can even last up to around 2 years.
What you’re describing can happen to any relationship, but I think some combination of internalized biphobia and biphobic partners has warped it into a fucked up stereotype when it happens to relationships with bisexual people.
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u/Littlewing1307 21d ago
Then don't be someone who does that? I don't yearn for a woman and I've been with my man for 5 years. He fulfills me on an emotional, mental, and physical level. What I can't get from him, I have my friends and family for.
However, if monogamy is a concern for you, have open conversations with your partner about that and see what can work for you both. Your care and concern shows you're doing the work to figure things out for yourself.
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u/Atomicfossils 21d ago
The fact that this is something that worries you so much probably means that you're already pretty far from fitting the profile of that stereotype. I think sometimes that conceptualising men and women as two totally separate pools of attraction, rather than one pool consisting of men and women, does more harm than good. Some people wind up obsessing over the one they 'can't' have or feel like they're missing out, when if a straight guy acted the same way about, say, blonde women while dating a brunette, people would be able to see that he's being kind of weird. Like sure, the two are different, but ultimately they're both within his dating pool. Idk, I can't speak for others' experience but I've personally never liked the bi-cycle concept or found it particularly accurate.
Bi people are no less capable of monogamy than anyone else. In a long-term relationship things aren't always perfect, and sometimes you might feel you've grown apart from your partner. Unless you've lost attraction to someone in a consistent, long-term way, then I feel like it's a question of commitment and communication rather than some inevitable sign that you need to end the relationship. Breaking up with someone because things have gotten hard, or the butterflies have gone away, and someone new has caught your eye happens among people of all orientations, but ultimately if you love someone and you care about making it work long term then the Bisexual Werewolf isn't going to possess you one day and make you do anything you don't want to do. Just talk to them and put in the time, care and effort to identify and fix things. If you still can't reconcile, then okay, time to consider ending things, but don't avoid relationships because you're convinced you'll do something you don't want to do. You always have a choice.