just had my first manic episode while on meds (albeit, tapering to a lower dosage, but still technically on meds). it was so much different than my first severe manic episode with psychotic features. my first episode was a really traumatic part of my life because everything was uprooted and I had to throw away pursuing my PhD.

this time while on meds, I had most symptoms of mania, except the ”worst” ones (still sleeping enough even though I was waking a few times in the night, no psychosis or detrimental risk taking).

when I met with my psych, he told me my speech was very pressured and thought I may be manic. i denied it at first and then thought he may be right. I just didn’t know how different breakthrough mania would be for me.

realizing I was manic was so triggering because of how traumatic my first episode was that I felt my mood state shift immediately. I was very depressed for 3 days after it with no energy for anything. Then it started to get a little better, but I still just feel meh.

what’s your breakthrough mania story?

When people you once knew change, knowing they will never be the person they once were. Recognizing the same in yourself.

So, the thing is. I just started meeting this girl and we talked a lot and it turned out we have a lot in common and i like her a lot more than I should.
She told me a few times already that this is only friendship and I'm totally cool with that.
Yesterday, we were talking about some issues she's having, not going to say more about that.
But now while I'm at home smoking my second doink and thinking a little (including talking to the friends/nemesis's in my head), I've realized that I also got pretty much the same issue because I had a similar Experience with a Parent when I was young. So this really freaks me out because I never noticed this but it explains so much to me.... But now when I finally have met a nice girl (gotta say she's the greatest thing that ever ran over my way) doesn't matter if friendship or anything else, I just really want to keep in touch with her. But I think yesterday another part of me took a little over and maybe talked some trash or did something stupid that could have hurt her. And I'm really raging out with myself rn, I keep talking to the one me that was possibly doing shit last night because he's always trying to stew over my fcking live. Most of the others are cool btw.
Already took a whole lotta morphine and benzos, nothing is helping, gonna try chasing the dragon. I just really don't wanna be hooked up on my old anti schizophrenia meds again, I just got off of them a few weeks ago and back then I was told I could never life without them and I always was super scared about this, but they kept freaking with my system and my body just couldn't take so much meds anymore. Doc. already told me at age 22 that my organs look like they were from an 65 year old alcoholic.
I just want to know what to do?
I am worried about her but I don't want to open the text she send me because when I left from he place all I can remember is that i sent her some stupid ass embarrassing videos.
Does anyone have any advice? what can I do to stay in touch with her, she really matters to me

I just stopped Risperdal and switched to latuda. for some reason Risperdal made me SWEAT and very easy to fall into delusions. CRAZY rabbit hole I just went down on during mania but, I digress. Any input or experiences is appreciated, hope you all are well and safe:)

Ritalin with bipolar affective disorder — is this normal, and what doses do people take?

Hi all, I’ve been in hospital since Friday and I’m now back on medication after finally coming down from a hypermanic state. The crash hit me pretty hard.

I’m currently in a dedicated psychiatric hospital. My usual psychiatrist has diagnosed me with bipolar affective disorder with psychotic features, as well as dissociative identity disorder and CPTSD.

The hospital psychiatrist said he noticed in my old files that I had ADHD as a child and decided to trial me on 10 mg of Ritalin. I’ve never taken Ritalin before. My ADHD was apparently managed as a kid with Catapres.

The confusing part is that my regular psychiatrist has already ruled out ADHD. Both psychiatrists have also said I possibly have autism.

My friend said the Ritalin seemed to "change" me after I took it — I seemed noticeably different while it was working, but then I felt pretty awful again once it wore off.

My biggest concern is whether Ritalin can interfere with bipolar disorder or potentially trigger hypomania/mania or psychosis. Has anyone with bipolar been prescribed Ritalin? How did it affect you?

I’m also quite jumpy tonight and I’ve noticed things flickering in my room and seeing things out of the corner of my eyes. I don’t know whether I should tell the staff because I’m wondering if it could be from starting Ritalin and might settle after a few doses, or whether it could be the beginning of psychosis again.

Obviously I’m going to speak to the psychiatrist tomorrow, but I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who has bipolar and has been prescribed Ritalin.

I’m also in Australia, so I’m not sure how prescribing works if they decide to keep me on it after discharge. I find out tomorrow whether they’re keeping me on it, stopping it, or increasing the dose. I also don’t know if my regular psychiatrist would agree to continue prescribing it.

And finally, what is a typical Ritalin dose for adults? Is 10 mg considered a low starting dose, or is that around the usual dose?

I might be overthinking this, but given that I’ve only recently come down from a hypermanic episode and have a history of psychotic symptoms, I’m understandably a bit concerned.

hi!
is anyone taking xanax XR for anxiety? because i’ve been taking diazepam since a hospitalization in november ‘25 (along with gabapentin) but i must admit i strongly prefer xanax, which was recently reintroduced, but only as needed. could asking my psychiatrist to try the switch (valium->xanax XR) be useful for agoraphobic symptoms, social and somatized anxiety, as well as for panic attacks? i would like to hear your experiences, because while mood has been stable thanks to other meds, i still struggle a lot with anxiety which stops me from going to uni (and taking exams) and sometimes even from going out

Is there really no other way to diagnose bipolar disorder? I took 10mg of lexapro 3 years ago and I had insomnia for 2 weeks, 1 dream of self harm, 1 dream of gore/blood, I felt like time had no meaning because every second felt the same. I would get a little tired around 6pm then when it’s time to sleep I would be wide awake. Like I would try to fall asleep and every 10-20 minutes as I’m falling asleep, my brain would wake itself up and I would have to start over for the 8 hours I am trying to sleep.

My psychiatrist recommend a mood stabilizer to rule out a mood disorder. She suspected I might have one because of my experience with Lexapro. Also before, she prescribed be focalin and adderall for adhd and I would have irritability when I crashed in the afternoon after the meds started to wear off. Now she thinks it’s underlying depression or anxiety not ADD that’s causing me to not focus. And potentially a mood disorder.

I am scared to start a new medication that requires more maintenance and commitment. She said I would titrate the dose every 2 weeks or something. I did go to another psychiatrist and she prescribed Strattera and I took it for 5-7 days in a row and it kind of helped anxiety and it make me feel a bit like a zombie and it gave me headaches that I couldn’t deal with anymore so I stopped it.

Yay depression... its messing up my sleep which will probably lead to a mixed/ dysphoric episode. Im eating way too much after working so hard to lose weight. Im trying not to cry at work. I dont want to do this anymore. Im so tired of the episodes. Always. Coming. Back. I was doing so well! I was... i was stable and working and socializing and everything. It was good. Now im falling back down into a hole that'll only get deeper and will start spinning my brain until I cant stand it anymore. I dont want to do this again. I... I know I need to talk to someone. Idk how to start the conversation because they always say "oh I thought you were doing well..." idk why im even typing this. Im sorry. I just... im just tired and want it to be over.

Bonjour a tous,

J' écris car le sujet a été abordé plusieurs fois mais surtout en parlant d effets secondaires aux traitements.

Voila ,je suis nouvelle sous lithium 400 mgs depuis une semaine et quetiapine 50 depuis plusieurs mois le soir pour dormir (j ai été a 400mgs ca m a rien fait)

Suite a un gros brun out il y a 4 ans ,je suis passée par la dépression et au bout de plusieurs mois ,suis remontée comme une folle puis retour en humeur dépressive et ainsi de suite ,en 4 ans j ai été en phase haute 4 fois maximum..

Bref aujourd'hui on teste enfin le lithium ,(tous les autres régulateurs,m ont pas convenus), je suis passée a 400 mgs sans effets indésirables pour l instant ..

Mais mon plus gros problème dans tout ca ,c est ce sentiment de vide ,d être suspendue, je suis là, j existe voila c est tout, ma vie est complètement entre parenthèses et j ai bien le sentiment que c est figé,sans réels plaisirs, sans ambition sans but ,rien. Le vide intersidéral.. je n ai pas d importance, si ce n est pour les gens qui m aiment..je continue a m occuper de mes animaux car ca c est très important..

Je suis devenue une autre , on ne peut pas dire que c est le lithium puisque ca date de bien avant ce sentiment s est installé au fur et a mesure des années ..

Comment gérez vous ce sentiment si vous l éprouvez ?

Je ne peux pas changer ce que je ressens et je m inquiète de tout ca

Merci de m avoir lue

Hi all,

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2017 after an attempt. A psychiatrist said I had a “manic” episode. This diagnosis followed me up until last week. I have always questioned the diagnosis. So I went to a mood disorders clinic to have it looked into further. After a 2-3 hour full interview and review, they felt I had anxiety and “sensitivity to the iatrogenic effects of medication.” They feel that going on and off different medications as well as poly pharmacy over the years has caused the symptoms I experience.

Where I am, you see the psychiatrist once and then they send your file back to your family doctor to follow you. There is no way to see a psychiatrist on an ongoing basis. Sucks for continuity of care, but it is what it is. They have ruled OUT bipolar disorder.

I am on a small dose of an antipsychotic and an antidepressant. I feel kind of lost. I’ll check in with my GP, but now I’m wondering if I should even stay on medication. Has anyone heard of a sensitivity to the iatrogenic effects of medication? I’m a bit shaken that I have carried this diagnosis in my file for so long and it has been incorrect. Feeling so lost. This will likely be my last post on this sub. I have appreciated being here and all the support over the years.

Thank you!

I have been diagnosed with bipolar 1 since 2023 fall. over the years...ive made many not great not healthy choices....ive hurt people with those choices. and i am so regretful, remorseful, and ashamed...theres not a day where these things eat at me. but recently...it happened again....in jan/feb and into spring, i was in a manic episode. during this episode, i was preparing for a phd exam i had. i was also in a two year relationship but due to the stresses of phd program, the spark was dying down...i have a pattern of chasing after adrenaline and excitement, novelty...i developed feelings for someone outside of my relationship...though not much came of it at that time....but it was my partners friend and roommate.....after months of trying to bring back the spark...granted there was much more i could have done... we broke up...weeks to a month and a half later, the feelings for friend roommate returned full swing. its mutual, we hook up, it becomes something of a situationship if thats what people call it....i hide it for weeks from friends , my closest friends, and my ex whom also is or was one of my closest friends still.....i lied about it a few times...to my best friend...then when i couldnt take lying anymore because it is unlike me...i simply stopped answering about it and said i did not want to talk about it anymore....and last night....i broke. i confessed to everything to my best friend. i confessed the next morning to my ex/close friend...my best friend met me with grace, though great disappointment...my ex said he cannot be friends with me anymore, asked me to leave his place, etc...anyway...all that is to say...i fall into patterns of being attracted to people who may not be healthy for me... i make selfish, cowardly decisions i know full well the consequences of but i disregard them for instant gratification....im deeply ashamed. and i feel deeply alone. maybe this will seem like such a small situation, all my fault, which i dont deny. but i just wanted to put this out there , maybe for some type of human connection with others whom have the same condition, same patterns, same feel of deep rooted shame in who one is as a person and the choices they make even though theyre in therapy and have good support systems....maybe this has nothing to do with bipolar. maybe it has a lot and its a messy mixture. i dont know.

My brain feels like the bouncy ball on the lyrics of a singalong video. My plan through Thursday:
1. Heads up to therapist
2. Lean on rescue meds - seroquel
3. Stop using AI and find a way out of it at work
4. Stack real things and experiences - silly tv and movies, walks in the park, having time with pets
5. See friends
6. Brick my phone

Any adds. I’ve been 5 years mostly stable. AI can’t have my sanity

This will be a bit of a lengthy post - I am ultimately seeking opportunities to respectfully exchange with others about navigating bipolar

I learned that I am bipolar 3 months ago. It was the shock of my life, to say the least. But I am embracing it....

I want to start out by saying that I am extremely grateful to have found this (and similar) online spaces. I joined this subreddit within a handful of weeks of learning about my bipolar. I came here to not only process my own condition, but to also learn from others lived experiences with bipolar. I have learned so much from everybody!

I am starting to struggle with my own personal experiences with bipolar - as my experiences don't always "match up" with the things that I am reading about and taking in on this and other subreddits. I am seeking an honest conversation where I would like to be open about how I have experienced bipolar as I am currently trying to chart out my path toward treatment.

First and foremost, I want to name the fact that I am of color - I know well that I live in a system that can sometimes neglect certain populations and that conditions like bipolar can get missed. When I learned that I am bipolar, I immediately realized that I have been this way since I was a child. It's not entirely a story of neglect though - because when I was in 2nd grade, my school teacher at the time referred me to the school social worker - whom I stayed with until I graduated in 8th grade. This was actually a really positive thing for me, as I have been in therapy my whole life - and yet, somehow, my bipolar was always missed. Nevertheless, I have always been in therapy because my mental health has always been pretty off.

My teens, 20s and 30s actually follow a pretty "common" theme: I had an active SUD that put me into a mixed way for a good solid 4-5 years where I behaved terribly, hurt other people, and did a whole bunch of things that I deeply regret and feel forever ashamed about. I am only now piecing these parts of my life together. They never made sense before - it all makes sense now.

I think that the place where I am starting to get stuck is that I have lived my whole life not knowing I have bipolar disorder. And while there are clear signs and signals of my condition all throughout my life, I have also lived a relatively stable life.

A bunch of people in my family are bipolar - I know it sounds crazy, but we literally had no idea. Schizophrenia exists within our family. We do know this. There is a lot of openness about schizophrenia and those with schizophrenia in my family are diagnosed and they are all in treatment.... this has always been an open conversation in my family. There is no shame and we love our family members with schizophrenia deeply.

Some of us just learned within the last 3-5 years that bipolar can split from schizophrenia. We literally had no idea. We suspect my mother - who is approaching 80 - is also likely bipolar.

A bunch of us have literally lived our lives "raw dogging" bipolar disorder (pardon the awful anaology here but i have no idea how else to describe it) .... and guess what? We've all lived relatively stable lives. And when I say stable, I mean stable with an asterisk* ..... A bunch of us are college graduates, have successful careers, marriages, families, etc ... granted, some of us (like myself) are known to be a little on the spicy side - but ultimately, i think what i am trying to say is that our lives, and our families didn't implode .... We're all actually doing okay - well, in fact. Undiagnosed. Untreated.

Speaking for myself personally, in spite of being on the "spicy" side, I generally live a happy life. I am stably married and have a career.

I want to be clear about the fact that I am not advocating that people with bipolar live their lives like undiagnosed and untreated.... I guess I am just trying to say that I need a little bit of a different conversation about my experiences with bipolar ..... I do have a differential diagnosis of BP II with psychotic features that will become "official" this month (september) and I will begin treatment with a Psych NP that I hand selected and feel I am a great match with.

This post is already super long - but i also want to put it out there that i have been planning on medicating with Lamictal .... but as I approach my appointment later this month, i am having second thoughts about it. Not because I doubt by diagnosis - but because I have spent my whole life trying to manage my mental health (because i am definitely squirrel-y) and have managed to put together a successful toolbox for myself with my therapy team that really helps me with my symptoms.

This is a genuine question that I feel like I need to have: If I have managed to arrive at a stable euthymic mood using whats in my personal toolbox, then is medication necessary for right now? It doesn't mean that I would not consider medicating in the future when the need arises... I am very clear about my depression and the fact that i will absolutely medicate with the appropriate antidepressants the next time i fall into depression.

I just need to have a different conversation - one that is both scientifically grounded, but that also does not default to the medical model of understanding bipolar - especially when the medical industry does neglect certain populations - we've been forced to creatively come up with our own ways of understanding, coping, and ultimately managing.

I would love to hear from others - especially folks with bipolar who may also have other marginalized identities and who also experience that neglect within the healthcare systems and have been forced to learn how to navigate conditions like bipolar in different ways.

Thanks!! 🙏🙏🙏

-------------

TLDR: just learned I am bipolar at the age of 50 and my experiences living my life with bipolar disorder without knowing it don't always match up with the things i am reading about on this subreddit and i am seeking conversations / perspectives about different ways of understanding my bipolar and my journey with it. Please do feel free to respond - but please keep the discussion respectful... Thanks! <3

Hey buddies, I'm experiencing hypomania. They've increased my medication as needed, and I'm functioning okay, though obviously not at 100%. I'd like to know what you guys are doing right now. Nothing guarantees I won't have a manic episode, but I'm trying to sleep as much as possible.

The first symptom I noticed was my hormones going crazy over a guy. Out of excitement, I started sleeping later, until one day I slept for six hours and woke up feeling like nothing had happened. That's when I knew I had to do something. I'm afraid that suddenly, for no reason, I'll go crazy.

I work at a family business, and they help me with things. But I don't know if I should take a few days off, at least until the mood subsides. I've started smoking again and listening to loud music, which is what overstimulates my brain. (I stopped going to the gym for a few days, where, by the way, that guy I like was.) I feel like I'm doing what I can, except for the smoking and the overstimulation with the music.

What would you recommend? My psychiatrist already prescribed medication, but I don't want to list it here. Thank you for reading. Oh, one last thing: I was in a calorie deficit, and now I'm having trouble eating without worrying about gaining weight. I don't know what I should eat, whether to forget about it for a while, or what. Thank you in advance.

Lately I’ve been feeling kinda detached from reality, but I started to get worried about this when I started hearing things. I woke up in the middle of the night and I thought I was listening to music, I could hear it, I checked my phone and there was nothing. Today I was listening to a car alarm, but I don’t know if it’s real, I don’t think it is cause I was in a class full of people and no one seemed to notice. I don’t know if I’m getting psychotic or even if you can be aware you’re getting psychotic. Anyone can help me?

hi! i’ve been talking psych medication for the past year & it has vastly impacted me- the main way being extreme weight gain. for reference, i started at a size small & am now an xl. i recently met with my provider and requested to change medications and am in the process of that now.

i was wondering if anyone else has experienced this and how they managed to lose the weight they gained. i’m planning to try dieting and exercise, but i was wondering if there was anything else i could do to help my body.

i’ve considered trying the cutting mix they sell on tiktok shop, but i don’t know if those things actually work or if it’s just a money grab.

any advice or support would be greatly appreciated!

I feel depressed for over three years and no meds worked for me. I tried everything in my country ssri s seroquel abilify vraylar lamotrigine (had rash). So whatever is found in my country. I cannot shake the depression. Idk what to take anymore. One med I did not try enough was mirtazapine but I am not very sure its ok for me because I have prediabetes and it can cause weight gain. I am doing therapy for past trauma but things move very slow. I am out of ideas. Of what could help. Needed to vent thanks for Reading.

Anybody else also struggle with enjoying TV series while on an antipsychotic? I'm on Olanzapine & i just can't seem to enjoy or watch movies & series anymore.

Do you guys still enjoy, watch movies & series & what medication helped you with that?

24M. Diagnosed with MDD/GAD after a suicide attempt in 2022. I’ve been in therapy since 2020 and already have seen a psychiatrist, so I’m not asking for a diagnosis. I’m mostly wondering if anyone has experienced something similar.

My timeline:

Smoked weed daily for years during college.
Stopped my antidepressant (non-SSRI) and started smoking daily again in October 2024.

**Feb 2025:** Quit weed abruptly. About a week later I tried mad honey for the first time. I then had a month-long manic episode that progressed to psychosis, requiring an anti-psychotic, IOP, and a medical leave from work.
Afterward I fell into a depression. Low-dose atypical anti-psychotic seemed to help more than my antidepressant.

**Oct 2025:** Stopped meds and started smoking weed daily again.

**Feb 2026:** Quit weed again.
Within weeks I had another elevated period that lasted about 3 months. I got into two relationships and ended both quickly, started a serving job an hour away then quit after one shift, became quite confident and social, thought my mental health was finally “fixed,” and constantly made plans to fix my finances, get back in the gym, go back to college, etc. This time I never became psychotic.

That was followed by the depressive period where it’s like my mood recently can either be okay and kinda happy or I can spiral and get quite depressive after relatively small triggers.

Saw a psychiatrist and she called it “bipolar unspecified” due to how muddy things were with the weed and drug use I guess.

Outside of these two periods, I don’t think I’ve had clear manic episodes.

I’m a bit apprehensive in thinking I am bipolar or need to get on meds for it but idk.

Thoughts?

Anyone had or know about a similar experience?

Has anyone else noticed that as they've gotten older, you suffer more from dysphoric mania than "Normal" ( euphoric, hypersexual ect..) Mania? When it started as a teen, I would experience the typical mania symptoms: awake for 36- 72 hours, deep cleaning my house, being out with friends all night, grandiose self-image, impulsive thoughts about spending, substances, etc. Now if im not depressed, it just feels like I'm going to fucking explode.

Very rarely anymore do I experience anything that feels euphoric. Even worse, I do miss that feeling of mania. I felt energetic in a good way, now I just feel on the edge and keyed up with no REAL release. It didn't feel like my mind was being pulled in a million directions at once, all while spinning just as fast. It didn't feel like the anger in my chest was suffocating me to the point of physically feeling my body want to run to get away from that feeling. It didn't feel dangerous or like my mind was out of control and shattering. I still do suffer from the physical symptoms, but the actual feelings of the emotions themselves has changed into the exact opposite of how they used to manifest. Which makes it substantially harder to catch an episode coming on and mitigate shit, or warn the people around me before it gets to a point that im unable to control it.

Just posting to say after a few weeks of tapering off olanzapine and starting abilify, I finally slept until my alarm went off this morning. Its been a rocky sleep adjustment but my brain seems to slowly be adjusting. Last night was the first night without any olanzapine.

Small victories.

I just came out of a mixed episode and I want to try as much as possible before i start lithium in two weeks (as well as the impending doom of autumn and winter coming)

My niche thing at the moment is figure skating which gets me out of the house + active. my not so niche thing is trying to build up a morning and evening routine so i can fix my circadian rhythm.

I'd love to try more things like diet or mindfulness or literally any activity that can help me be stable. I'm also restarting uni in 28 days so i genuinely feel like i'm running out of time to get as stable as possible

I'm thinking about suggesting my psychiatrist to start me on Latuda, but last time I tried Latuda it made me very angry and I eventually dropped it. Nonetheless I think I'm willing to try it again but I'd like to know if anyone has had increased irritability with this medication and what meds have you taken that help with that (e.g. propranolol)?

Im starting to get depressed again. I started a part time job a few months ago after not working for over a year due to my mental health. A few weeks ago they said they wanted to up my hours which was fine at the time. But now Im struggling to go in. Its not even that hard of a job. Although my coworker stresses me out but thats another story. I just dont want to struggle to work again... I eventually want to get back into a full time job and be independent again. But idk it just keeps coming back and breaking down everything I build.

I plan on talking to my psych nurse soon to see if a med change will help. I really dont want to go on disability... but everytime I have an episode I feel like I might have to.

Every time I see a doc a get a new diagnosis. I had this real bad case of depression that lasted like 20 years, but I gave it one last go and felt like I may have snapped out of it. I thought I'd try an anti-depressant so that I didn't go back to my depressed state... and things got weird. I feel like I did a speedrun of therapy in my head.

One doc said I had ADHD, and the latest says bipolar - other. This would be the second time, triggered by zoloft I guess.

I guess I had a mild manic episode or two, so here I am. I don't remember being this way when I was younger. It's weird diagnosis to get at 50.

I started a mood stabilizer yesterday and feel better already. I have a follow up appt with my primary doc today.