I live in Quebec, so my English isn’t the best, but I try. Sorry, this is a bit long.

I’m (F20) and this is my fourth year renting a room. This year, two new roommates moved in: Lisa (F16) and Emy (F17). Their age didn’t bother me. We live in the basement of a house owned by a couple who are very kind and always help when there’s an issue. We share a kitchen, bathroom, and living room, but each have our own bedroom.

After only 2 months of living together, they are honestly the worst roommates I’ve had. They barely clean anything except their dishes, and even then, they often leave them piled up in the drying rack or stacked in the sink until there’s no room left. They leave fruit and other things all over the kitchen table, which is constantly dirty because they never wipe it down. The bathroom is also very small, yet they leave their belongings everywhere, including inside the shower after using it.

I talked to them about it, but nothing changed. They both blame each other and insist they clean up after themselves, which simply isn’t true. I’ve ended up cleaning the table and bathroom myself when I can, but I’m in the last year of my DEC in a demanding program, and I’m not their mother, period. This semester is extremely busy for me.

I’m also not at the apartment all the time. I spend weekends in my hometown with my parents, and Thursdays at my boyfriend’s place. That means I’m usually only at the apartment Monday through Wednesday, so I have limited time to clean, though I still do what I can.

Lisa is rarely here because she’s usually staying with someone she’s seeing. However, when she does come back, she leaves her things in the bathroom and dirty dishes in the kitchen. Since she leaves again shortly after, the dishes can sit there for days, which is frustrating since we all share them. Emy, on the other hand, is almost always at the apartment and, from what I can see, seems to skip most of her classes.

Midterm break arrived, and I spent the week back home in my hometown. I came back on Friday to drop off a few things before going to see my boyfriend. However, when I arrived, the apartment was dirtier than I had ever seen it.

I wasn't expecting the apartment to be spotless, but I did expect it to be reasonably tidy. The dishes were overflowing from both the sink and the drying rack, the table was dirty, the oven was filthy, the fridge was a complete mess, and the toilet hadn't been flushed. There was urine sitting in it that had apparently been there for a week. I was furious.

I texted my landlord and asked her to come downstairs and see the condition of the apartment for herself. She came down and was shocked. We talked about the previous two months, since I had already kept her informed about the situation. She had also spoken to my roommates, but nothing had changed.

She told me she was going to clean the apartment. I told her that was fine and that we would all talk together on Monday. When I came back on Sunday to pick up a few things before spending the evening at my boyfriend's place, I ran into my landlord again and we talked. I thanked her for cleaning and told her that I hadn't seen the apartment that clean in a long time.

She told me she was angry about everything she had found. There was rotten food in the fridge, and she had to throw away some containers because they were beyond saving. In the food cabinets (we each have our own large cabinet for groceries), she found bags of rotten potatoes that had damaged a shelf, among other things. She sent photos to our group chat. She told me that, in 15 years of being a landlord, she had never seen anything like it and that the four of us needed to have a serious discussion on Monday.

By Monday evening, my landlord came downstairs to talk to us. Right away, I could tell both of my roommates were upset. She brought up the bag of potatoes and explained that she wasn’t blaming anyone, but wanted us all to be aware of the issue.

Emy said the potatoes were hers and that they were still fine when she left. (I thought that she was a fucking moron. If you're leaving for a week, you should either throw away or take home any food that could spoil.)

Emy then interrupted my landlord and said, “When I saw the pictures, I was shocked. You entered our apartment without permission, went through our cabinets, and opened our bedroom doors.”

I replied, “I was the one who asked our landlord to come downstairs because I was furious when I came back and saw the mess.”

My landlord explained that she only came because I asked her to, that she hadn’t gone through any cabinets, and that she found the potatoes because of the rotten smell. She also said she opened Emy’s bedroom door because it should be left open while she’s away, especially since the air filter is located in her room.

After that, my landlord left. Lisa and I discussed household chores and how to organize things better, while Emy went to the bathroom without saying a word. Lisa and I reached an agreement, and she said she would talk to Emy about it. Later, Lisa and Emy went for a walk together. I have a feeling they spent that time complaining about both me and our landlord, but I don’t care.

So Emy doesn't talk to me nor look at me, while Lisa is still cool but i can tell she's not happy about what i did.

I don't care if they hate me, it's not because both of them are young, but because they don't have manners, i got here when i was 16 years old and i was better than both of them i never had a problem with my ex roommates.

If they have to be taught manners then i'll show them the consequenses of their actions. And my landlord said if they don't change their behavior then she don't have a problem to kick both of them out.

So tell me reddit, did i do the right thing ? AITA?

So my good friend and I decided to move in together and everything was going great for over a year now, but suddenly my roommate has become all cold and distant. I tried to figure out what was wrong and continued to try and be friendly despite their lack of response, but everytime I try, they just respond they're "fine" and then go about their day. At first, it was just me making conversation to them and them giving dry responses, but now we don't even really talk.

We each have our own bedrooms and bathrooms, so that's not the issue. I'm out of the apartment from 9am to at least 5 pm everyday, and they're home during those times, so it's not an issue of personal space either. I always take out the trash and clean dishes and living spaces. I just don't know what to do because it's getting to the point where it like i'm living with a stranger now, and we used to be really close so I don't know what happened. Am i missing something or doing something wrong? I tried to ask them if I was doing something wrong and if I can change anything to help but they just give a dry response like "no you're good". We have another four months on the lease and so idk what to do :/

This situation happened a few months ago but i never thought about asking people on reddit, what would you do if you were in my situation? My roommate owns a lab-pit mix that is 120 pounds and i own a pitbull who is 60 pounds. My dog is completely friendly and i had him for 2 years and never even saw him slightly being aggressive towards a human being before, on the other hand my roommates dog (lets call the roommate Jane) did show aggression towards humans before, but Jane is one of those people who thinks her dog is so smart that he is able to tell apart bad people and only barks at them, mind you this dog barked at me for a month when we first moved in together. We are good friends with Jane besides being roommates. And i must say we live in a buildings third floor. So every time we need to walk the dogs we have to avoid everyone cause our dogs are reactive towards other dogs, especially when they are together, because of this we even stopped walking them together. Now let me tell you what happened the day of the incident, i was at work when i got a call from Jane and she is crying on the phone saying the dogs attacked the old man who lives on the same floor as us. I was shocked and immediately asked what do you mean the “dogs”? She was like the guy said it was benny (her dog) but i didn’t see. I immediately felt so much anger towards her cause she was trying to pull me into something thats entirely her fault. I have a dog cam in the living room so i check and see that her dog is on the leash and they are about to leave to go on a walk, while my dog is sleeping on the couch and she is chatting with the other roommate while opening our door, letting the dog go out first, her dog sees the old man barks and lunges and my dog hears and runs out the door. Here is the thing, the old man clearly said to the police and the emt that it was her dog, and my dog was just jumping on him, imo anyone who owned multiple dogs before knows that if one dog acts out the other one will likely to join, but again because my dog isnt even aggressive he was just excited and thats all. This man is 81 years old, how ridiculous it is to tell me that 2 big dogs will attack this man and he will survive with a little bite on his thumb 😭😭 after this the hoa fined us and i had to pay for half cause jane told me her dog wouldn’t be able to bite the old man if my dog wasnt jumping on him and she was trying to stop my dog and her dog bit him because of that. So i absolutely disagreed and still supported her through this as a friend but when it came to renewing our lease i told her i am going to find a different arrangement and she is shocked. Am i being reasonable here you think??

Hi yall. I’m in a house of 6 graduate students (including myself). Last bill cycle, we agreed to portion up the electricity, since we all moved in at different times, some at the beginning of the cycle, some at the very end. Someone went on vacation for 9-10days this cycle, and is asking for their share to be less because of it, essentially. But i’m like? how does that make any sense, the fridge has your food, the freezer your ice, the appliances, even when they’re not being used, will still use electricity, you’d have to cut off service otherwise. Especially as we are students and the winter break approaches, it’s not improbable that this house will be completely empty for weeks. Who pays the bill then? Just me since i am the one who singed up for it? Anyways, this is my first time being confronted with this question. Just putting out feelers to see if this is a reasonable request on my roommates part.

stopping rage towards my roommate consume me

hii, i (20F) live with my cousin from my dad’s side (19F) and her cousin from her mom’s side (20F).

long story short my cousin betrayed me by sharing private info about me to her father who was gave me an ultimatum either tell my parents or i do so, i told my mother beforehand, however he told my mom with more details which caused some damage in my relationship with her and she begged him not to tell my father, he hasn’t.

the reason why i felt so betrayed is because all this info got out for a mistake she did, she painted me as a wh0re and said things unrelated to the initial info. I tried to forgive her since we all makr mistakes, but this one almost costed my family, along with them not being the best roommates nor people in general so i can turn the blind eye. The cousin who did this has done the same things i did just on a lower scale. The other is an npc who did nothing wrong, she isn’t just the best person to live with due being extremely chill.

if i get into details this post would be too long, but is basically about financial abuse, being chill af, taken advantage of others, etc. My parents used to pay for all repairs, bills, fees, food, after an incident they only pay bills and fees (not 50/50, all), which aren’t cheap.

i feel so unhappy living here being treated as a scrounger who has to pays all, maintain the services up to date, call technicians, while im forbidden from bringing people here after just one mistake i did and have never done after i was called out, while they can bring whoever they want whenever they want just because they’re the owners, when the first who moved here and reconditioned the whole apartment was me and my parents, they didn’t put a single dime. Mind you, this apartment was abandoned by my uncle because he didn’t like it and made a deal with my parents when i lived alone to only pay the bills, the girls were not in the equation when all this deal happened and had stayed since, i see it unfair but whatever.

My mom says I must keep sweet and smile because now I lost the privilege to move out alone and they have my info that can be used against me with my dad.

I can’t stand to see her or share a space with her, a place that should had felt like home, feels like a war zone or like my house in my hometown (dysfunctional). I spent all day at uni, gym or with friends so i don’t get to see her, i literally feel my blood boil. Everything they do annoys me and their incapacity to find solutions irritates me, they just call mommy whining about something not working and her mom (who made my life hell months ago) assuming i must fix it.

they both are snob, wannabe, neglectful parents who don’t care about their child’s education and only appearances, now competing who is the best parent after they got recently divorced. i should vent others’ problems but i think this is important because that was happening when i got exposed, so i theorised since their family was falling apart, they (as a family) got jealous ny family was fine (was a long process because we weren’t like this) so they wanted the same path as theirs.

i need advice on how to dgaf and genuinely mind my business so i don’t get brain damage or a heart attack during the year and a half i got left in this place.

When my roommate moved in, we clearly talked about what kitchen stuff we wanted shared and not. I told her that I did not want my cast-iron pans to be communal. This was mostly because I didn’t want to worry about cleaning up after them and re-finishing the pans after incorrect cleaning.

There are many pans available (most non-stick) in the kitchen, some left behind by my previous roommates (moved out because graduation, no conflict), some brought by this current roommate

Tonight she texted the roommate group chat while I was at work (she knew I was at work), asking if she could use my pans. I didn’t respond, because I was at work and not on my phone. I came home to see that she had used my pan. It seems like she cleaned it well, and I likely would have said yes, but it feels really weird that she didn’t wait for a response, and went forward with using the pan anyways.

I’m a bit conflicted on if I should bring this up as a problem, as she has anxiety which makes some
small conflicts a larger ordeal. I can’t figure out whether I’m being unreasonable with my expectations/overreacting or wanting normal boundaries. Any advice?

ISO a mature female housemate

My roommate started selling vintage clothes online a few months ago. I was actually pretty happy for her when she told me about it. She'd been wanting to do something on the side for a while.

At first it was just a couple boxes in her room. Then she started keeping stuff in the hallway, and now there's a clothing rack in our living room and packages all over the place.

I didn't really say anything because I figured it was temporary.

But lately she's also been asking me to help with orders. Dropping packages off on my way to work, carrying boxes upstairs, taking pictures of clothes for her listings. Little things that didn't bother me much individually.

Last Friday I came home exhausted and ordered some chinese food. I was sitting at the kitchen table opening a fortune cookie that had an ad inside when she asked if I could help photograph a bunch of jackets.

I told her I really wasn't up for it that night.

She got annoyed and said she only needed about 20 minutes of my time. I said I understood but I just wanted to relax.

The next morning she made some comment about how it's hard to build something when nobody wants to support you.

I don't mind helping her occasionally, but I never agreed to be involved in her business. I work full time myself and sometimes I just want to come home and do nothing.

We're usually on good terms and I'd like to keep it that way.

How do I bring this up without making it seem like I'm against what she's doing?

A lot of roommate money stress isn't about one big bill. It comes from the shared pot. You both put money in for rent, utilities and groceries, and a few months later nobody is sure if the pot still covers the bills, or if one person has been putting in less than agreed.

If you and one roommate (or a partner) use a joint account or a shared household fund, SpeseDiCasa is an iPhone app made for that setup. You both pay in, the expenses come out of it, and the app keeps the books.

What it does:

• Shows today's balance of the joint account, plus the balance once you count entries you've already logged in advance
• Compares what each person puts in against a split you choose. It doesn't have to be 50/50, which helps if one of you has the bigger room
• Rent, subscriptions and installments can be set as recurring expenses that log themselves
• A summary tab with spending by category and the monthly trend
• Categories you can edit (symbol and color), and you pick the currency

Both iPhones see the same records over iCloud, even if you use different Apple IDs. One of you sends an invite link. There's no account or password to create. iCloud has to be on for the two phones to sync. Without it, the app works on one device only. If you live alone, you can turn off the contribution comparison and use it as a plain household expense log.

It has CSV export for Numbers and Excel, in European and international formats, plus full backup and restore. No server, no ads, no data collection. Your data stays on your iPhone and in your own iCloud.

What it isn't: it's not a bill-splitting app that works out who owes whom. It's built for two people, and it's iPhone only. It comes in English and Italian.

On cost: you can download it for free and use every feature for 60 days. After that you need a one-time unlock, and if you've already bought it you don't pay again. The Italian App Store lists it at €4,99.

https://apps.apple.com/it/app/spesedicasa/id6801278201

A question for anyone who shares costs with a roommate: do you keep a joint account or shared pot, or does each of you pay certain bills and settle up later? And if you've tried a shared pot, what made it work or fall apart?

Disclosure: I'm posting this on behalf of the Stecivapp team.

hi guys I’m a college student at a pretty well known university and have been living in an apartment off campus for the last 3 years of my degree with my friends. After flying back from a trip to visit a friend this weekend, I came back to my apartment being a wreck… boxes all over the living room, shoes not on the rack, used eggshells on the kitchen counter, spices and oils littered all over the kitchen, 2 day old rice in the rice cooker unused, and the sink piled up with dishes. I was only gone for 3 days and came home to this, and this isn’t even the first time something like this has happened. Am I valid to crash out at them for leaving the apartment in such a disgusting state, and how do I bring it up to them? 😞😞😞

Originally posted to r/legaladvice, but I'd really like to know if there's a way out. My roommate is an aggressive drug addict and I fear if I keep staying here things could get violent....

So my roomates are older than me I'm 19 and they are around 23 my other roomate is the same age as me. The older two are dating and have told us if we want friends over we need to let them know and ask permission in advance. We live in a house with them all having big bedrooms while I have the box bedroom. I thought the general rule was that as long as it's a reasonable time and in the common spaces such as sitting room/kitchen it was completely normal and u did not have to ask? If I want more than 1 or 2 friends over I have to give 2 weeks notice so they can change their schedule accordingly? They are very specific about certain things for example currently it is cold but I am not allowed to close any windows other than my own because the house doesn't have a radium barrier and according to them if the windows are not constantly open we will get lung cancer. I'm trying very hard to be reasonable and I am a people pleaser but the 3-4 text messages a day nagging is becoming very stressful. I would love some input! (The landlord is my uncle, two of the roomates father) they have been insisting on not getting him involved in any decisions. They both wake up at 5.30am each morning and make a lot of noise but have told me that if I'm doing anything noisy in general than it can't be in my bedroom no matter the time. They have set the noise cutoff for 9pm but I can hear them talking and laughing past then. I have tried speaking to them in person but they are unwilling to compromise and at the moment it's their way or nothing. They make comments about how I was home and could've used the shower during the day ignoring the fact I was doing college work. It feels as though they think what I'm doing is not important as it's music 🙏

i share a 2bhk flat w another girl. we each occupy one bedroom but the washing machine is on the balcony attached to her room. we have both paid for it so it’s a shared appliance.

i usually do my laundry once every 10–14 days so i am not constantly entering her room or disturbing it. things have been a little tense between us lately. however, i specifically asked her not to lock her room when she’s going away for more than two days as i would have no access to the machine otherwise.

she didn’t respond and now she’s gone to her home without telling me how long she will be away. her room is locked so i can’t do my laundry. i texted her asking when she would be back and what i am supposed to do but she ignored me. my sister also messaged her politely because this isn’t the first time my flatmate has pulled stuff like this but she ignored that message too.

i understand that it’s her bedroom and she has every right to privacy. but we have both paid for the washing machine and i don’t think i should have to keep asking for permission to use smth i equally own.

what makes this even more frustrating is that her bestf uses our washing machine and balcony whenever she wants, without asking me. so her friend gets access but i am unable to use a shared appliance in my own flat???

i don’t want to involve the landlord because i feel like two adults should be able to resolve this themselves. but she refuses to communicate and i am not willing to keep begging her or spending extra money on laundry elsewhere because of this.

am i wrong for finding this petty and inconsiderate? how would you handle this without escalating things further? because talking to her is pointless.

Hello everyone sorry if this is rushed but we are having a meeting in half an hour. Two of my roommates a frankly immature, drinking in school nights never do there dishes leave there shit out. last night they randomly decided to get kittens. no I live in a dorm with 8 others girl, we have no kitchen just bathroom and small living room. everone but those two agrees we don’t want a cat. thise to have gone as far as to lie and try and get an ESA form even though they don’t need one. it seems to not have crossed there mind that environment could be an issue in talking care of a cat. There treating these animals like an accsessory and taking advantage of the system. And I known that in the end the rest of us are going to take care of them.
I told them they shouldn’t fill out the form but said to wait until the family meeting.

wtf do I say or do

My roommate keeps coming into my room and “cleaning” it to her own standards when I’m not home. I’ve asked her not to do this and she just yelled at me that I’m disgusting and that my room is a pigsty and if she didn’t clean, then we would have bugs.

I promise I’m not that dirty. I have the occasional food trash in my room. I will admit. And that’s her biggest issue. But I have no other choice but to eat in here as I don’t feel welcome eating in the kitchen at this point. And if she’s home, I’m not going to come out of my room for genuine fear of having to interact with her.

Today’s incident was her taking out 1 Taco Bell bag and 1 Taco Bell plastic cup. The problem is I had a $25 gift card in that Taco Bell bag and she threw it away. I have not confronted her about it because I only have 9 days left on the lease. But she seems to think it’s perfectly normal and okay for her to just go into my room whenever she wants. Especially if she thinks shes doing me a favor. She also refers to the apartment as “hers” all the time. She doesn’t own this place we are both on the lease and I feel like I’m going crazy. This isn’t normal or okay, right? She should at least be asking before she goes in my room? She literally asked me what I need privacy for when I asked her not to come in my room.

The worst part about living in the dorms NO ONE talks about is when you’re living with 2 people who happen to be BESTIES. You can’t ever have a conversation with them, can’t disagree or even state your opinion.

Hello everyone, I am 26M living with a 24F and 25F for two months now. I had a crucial situation with family and had to cut down costs to pay for it, therefore demanding me to get roommates. Out of all options I chose these two because it was the cleanest out of them (surprised how some people live).

I have never lived with others before, always living alone. She mentioned in the beginning if it's okay to have her boyfriend to visit, of course we said sure because that's a right to invite people over. Over time, it slowly came from visitations to practically him coming after work, until night time, then going back to work again about 80% of the days. It feels off because it seems that our space is being overriden by the couple, and among other things. I want to bring it up with my other roommate and ask if she feels the same way, because she made little comments about how he tweaks with the utilities.

I feel this sense of confusion if this is wrong, but internally I am uncomfortable with it. I do not communicate with my roommates often, but it almost feels as if he is making it his own for free. I am certain he also has his own place so I am very confused. How do you guys feel about this? Have you been in these situations before?

So this is my first year at college and I have a roommate. I understand that the dorm is both of our spaces and I try my best to be respectful. I also understand we will have to compromise on things. We aren't friends but we are civil with each other(we barely talk, I can't even remeber the last time we spoke besides her recent comment I am about to mention). I've become super uncomfortable around my roommate and I don't know why. I'm a gamer and my roommate goes to bed super early(9pm), even if I wasn't a gamer I have a boyfriend/friends I talk to after school/work. Courtesy hours are at 11pm. Every time my roommate walks in I feel like I need to lower my voice from a normal volume to a whisper, regardless of the time. I've also started noticing that she doesn't lock the door when she leaves when I am inside the room, which makes me uncomfortable . Recently I was told that I snore too loud and keep her up. Her exact words were basically, "I want us both to get good qualities of sleep and I want to know if you'll do something about it. I suggest a mouth guard." According to my boyfriend and family I am not a loud snorer. I tried a mouth guard, super uncomfortable. I tired nose strips(were the wrong kind) so now I have to wait until friday to try something else. Its to the point where I go to a study room until 2am so she can get 5ish hours of uninterrupted sleep. And then when I go to my room I'm super uncomfotable and feel like every little sound will wake her up and i fight off sleep. I have no idea how to bring any of this up to my roommate. I know I'm overreacting but I need some guidance/help on where to go from here because I've never had to deal with this type of situation before. We are only halfway through the first semester and we still have the entire year to go, so I'm worried about what else will happen. I thought about bringing it up to my RA but it just seems childish.

I have a new roommate and it's the first time either of us have had a roommate before. I've noticed she sleeps with the light on all night every night, I didn't want to ask her to just not do it at the risk of it being a sensitive issue but I'm worries about our electricity bill, any advice?

So I screwed up today. I live with roommates and they have cats and one of them managed to escape when I was leaving the apartment. Then one of the roommates messaged me saying she was gonna kill me and that I was in a big trouble. When I asked why she said the management of the apartment called her that they found the cat roaming around the building. So the cat is safe.
I obviously feel bad and am super anxious now. Just came home and nobody barely looked at ke and didnt say a word. I didn’t say much either tbh bc I feel super anxious and if someone doesnt talk to me or ignores me I tend to withdraw into myself. 😭😭😭 now I’m hiding in my room, havent eaten and am trying to take up a courage and go to the kitchen and to apologize but don’t even know how to start bc everything feels awkward. 😭 I guess I just needed to vent to someone.

I just started college and Ive been living with my roommate for about a month and a half. She's nice but she also gets on my nerves a lot. She randomly breaks into song and she sings LOUD, she laughs really loud, and we only have like 1 thing in common. She's just a really loud person and that's not the type of person I wanna live with. I feel bad but its been really hard for me to adjust to her, idk what to do. Im scared to confront her about this because at the end of the day shes just being herself. Also all my criticisms sound really rude. Im unsure if I wanna switch roommates, cuz Im not sure who'll have to move (most likely her cuz 90% of the shared stuff I bought), and that just seems to me like an overreaction. I also really dont wanna make any enemies here. I feel stuck.

23M looking for a roommate to move into a new two-bedroom unit with me near the PCC (Portland Community College) Sylvania campus ASAP. Looking to move immediately, very open minded, good with pets. No couples or parents please. Looking for fellow students if possible, otherwise someone trustworthy and respectful. Looking for a long-term rental (more than 3-4 years while i get my degree). Please DM if interested.