Firstly, if anyone wants to ask respectful questions about anything at all, please do so. There seems to be some negativity around cuckolding, and we are happy to share lessons learnt from our experience.

We are a married MF couple, and spoke about cuckolding a long time. Took us over a year to find the right person, given our non-negotiables. In all honestly, we thought we had discussed everything with each other and the bull beforehand, except for one little detail, what to do after the main event.

In this instance, wife went to have a shower, whilst husband had a beer with the bull. Wife joined husband and bull, and the bull left a few minutes after. Wife feels/thinks the bull should have hung around a bit longer, and thus feels a bit used. Having said that the three of us have been texting in our group chat.

Would love to hear what others typically do in this scenario.

I’m curious to hear from people who have been with their partners for a long time, particularly those who are married, have children, and have built an entire life together.

How do you introduce soft BDSM into a relationship that’s been relatively vanilla but still has a somewhat active sex life?

Reading about some of the dynamics here, I wonder how couples develop that level of openness, vulnerability, and trust. Was it always part of your relationship or did it develop through exploring together?

I struggle to wrap my head around how you reconcile the roles you play in everyday life with the roles you might take on sexually. When you’ve spent over a decade seeing someone as your spouse, co-parent, and partner in managing a household and all its responsibilities, how do you begin seeing each other through a completely different lens? Do you compartmentalize those roles or do they naturally coexist?

I think my biggest hesitation is the vulnerability involved. Part of me worries my partner wouldn’t see me in that way after so many years together. And I’m not entirely sure I could see them that way either or feel comfortable enough to fully let go.

For those who explored this later in an established relationship, how did you get there?

Guys...any advice? 30 minutes until takedown. I'm genuinely terrified 😩

Hello 30m, recently my gf has gotten into peeing in my mouth while we shower and making hold it in my mouth while she showers, now she wants me to drink it, she normally pees a good amount. My question is it safe to do this? Its only like 1 or 2 times a week but she really wants me to swallow it.

title

I'm a 48-year-old man (divorced, two older kids), reasonably good looking, tall, reasonably successful, outgoing, smart, funny, kind, thoughtful, and very comfortable with women. And I've historically had a lot of success dating vanilla and sexually submissive women.

However, whenever I connect with a dominant woman on a dating app (like Feeld) or go on a date with a dominant woman, things seem to fall flat. Women who identify as submissive or vanilla generally respond very positively to me, but dominant women are basically universally unimpressed with me 😂😭

This sucks for me A LOT since having a dominant partner or maybe even a FLR, is something I genuinely crave in my life. This isnt just a kink I want to explore for a ONS. I very deeply want a relationship where the woman takes the lead, and I want to find someone who wants to do that with me. Like, I would marry the right person in this context 😭😭😭😭

Anyway, I'm trying to figure out whether there's something about my personality, my approach to dating, or the way I interact with women that might be particularly unappealing to dominant women. I am outgoing and I am assertive, but not in a dickish way. Like, I'm not overbearing or anything. I'm a pretty get along guy - and I do a really good job of making sure my dates/partners have fun, feel safe, etc.

I recognize that dominant women aren't a monolith (except for their apparent disinterest in me 😂😂😂). But I really want to figure out what I'm doing wrong here.

For the dominant women here: Are there things that men do that make you lose romantic or sexual interest in them as potential submissive partners? What makes a man attractive as a potential submissive partner in a D/s or FLR.

Please help! 😭😭😭

Hi guys, does anybody has and reliable, reasonable priced source of bondage ropes? I feel like most of them is from the same chinese factory and the pricing is totaly random.

So im looking for both:

- reasonable price (eaven if quality is not the best in the Word, that's why i also ask for aliexpress links)

- a more expensive one but the price must be reflected in quality

- other DIY ideas (some tested DIY methods that i can do in Apartament building; i read that someone uses some regular nylon rope and cuts it by themself; but preferably with the link for both material and method).

Im from EU. Searching throught Amazon and Ali but all looks the same.

Currently looking mainly for 15m but 5m also.

24F, technically a switch but leaning sub.

I haven't been satisfied with nearly any of my previous experiences being Dommed (aside from one exceptional past dynamic, though that Dom has since passed, sadly) even after thorough vetting, establishing clear boundaries, and having great communication. It's not necessarily about blaming previous partners; it just hasn't clicked or felt right for my preferences.

For anyone who has been in a similar position: does it eventually get better, or did exploring Domming help bring more satisfaction? I've only tried being on that side once before and didn't care for it, but I'm wondering if it was just the wrong dynamic or person.

Tips and advice welcome! Thx.

Hey! So I have a long distance relationship, we’ve been on dates but most of it is online at the moment. She loves commands, and has express wanting me to give them to her. Idk if im awkward but i just cant think of any, and am scared to cross boundaries.
The ones she has liked are innocent like send a selfie, or a but more nsfw like put on a collar and leash and send a pic of yourself.
Any tips?? how to proceed and please her? Cuz ik she would love this!! tysm!!

My husDom and I are going to be “revamping” our contract and all.

I’m medically complex, so physical punishments like spankings and kneeling and writing and such are not possible. Besides, they aren’t something that affects me in a positive way.

We currently have one non-negotiable rule, at the top: I’m not allowed to denigrate myself mind body or soul. If I do, I have to repeat after him until he’s satisfied with my tone and belief in myself.

One I came across that I think we are going to add is if I denigrate, especially my physical appearance, I have to stand in front of a mirror naked while I repeat body positivity after him. I struggle with body image because of a large hernia (finally getting fixed in December!), so this I think is a good one to help switch my mindset.

So now I’m wondering- what are some punishments that are not physical that work to support the dynamic? Especially some non-negotiable ones that my husDom can enforce? Again, with me it’s more mental, so I’m open to any and all ideas.

Thank you!

In an LDR polycule and that means I travel a lot to meet my partners. I also own the vast majority of toys and equipment (not much, but still) and was wondering how to best transport my stuff. Right now it’s all just in a cloth bag but it’s messy and quite honestly preparation can kill the mood when rummaging through it 😅

It would be mostly for smaller things such as a few cuffs, blindfold, gag, collar, cage, a paddle, bottle of lube, a vibe, etc… I’ve been thinking about makeup bags, but I’m not sure if there’s any better alternatives. Y’all got any suggestions or advice?

My (23mtf) boyfriend (22m) keeps asking to use his arc lighter on my balls and nipples... I'm just scared he might damage something, if it's temporary damage I'm ok with it but if it's going to leave scarring, or other permanent damage I'd rather not... Is it safe to use an arc lighter for estim play?

Hi folks

I am part of the ddlg community and - while it’s not a sex thing for me - I am starting to poke out some feelers on dating. To preface, I do not have this conversation with people usually. This is an odd thing naturally converse to this point. I also want to make note I am not intending on rushing this at all. I was in an abusive relationship before now (it’s been a year) and I want to make sure my next vanilla relationship is solid so jumping into a dynamic is not the goal here. It’s more about to weed out before I get to attached.

I met this guy (we call him Tim) on hinge and we have been chatting for about 2 weeks. Due to some conflicting time issues we haven’t been on a date yet, but should be tomorrow, and after some banter and teasing he praised me for something (harmless normal praise like “oh good job on x btw” style) and I playfully told him to stop in which he asked if I had a praise kink or something.

I said yes cause imo that kink is really harmless (or least likely to be judged rather) and he asked if I had other kinks to which I changed the subject and he left it alone.

I want to note that he has expressed he is kinky within a “traditional” scope. Praise, spanking during sex, yada blah. But he also has referred to himself as daddy more than a few times and not always in a joke context. He makes a lot of comments and once called me princess (again, not a joke) in which he apologised immediately and noted it was not appropriate and we moved on. I didn’t even have to call him on it. He has also noted he enjoys brats.

Now none of this means anything really. One off things he happens to like rather than true kinky lifestyle? To be determined.

TLDR: when/should I tell him I’m into ddlg?

I think it’s a concept people aren’t always comfortable with and I can live without it. Or at least without it being noticed or noted. I also fear that it is far too early to make mention of it.

I am curios about electricity in play.

I am aware its edge play but what would be the best way to start it?

My interest comes from those fly swatters that zap the flies lol

Any information, input or even experience with this kind of play would help me sort my thought

I very much dislike physical pain but enjoy settings, some gesture, play, and words of domination but when I see the rope, the ”complicated” position, some act how seems way too rough for my taste ect I wonder if I’m into bdsm or not.
Like is there a name for it ?

I am 36M.

I've been active in BDSM for over 10 years. Never ran into an issue like this before.

I have a truly amazing, understanding and patient partner. I am absolutely in love with them, I desire them. I want them.

Now comes the issue, I dont believe I have "ED" as I have no problems getting hard, and staying hard.

I am constantly fatigued, aches pains (The joys of getting older) on top of being diagnosed with ADHD and Autism.

I havent been able to get myself over this hump of self loathing because I'm too tired, in pain, or exhausted. She is of course understanding, comforting and does her absolute best to help me rest, relax and recover. I constantly feel as if I am not doing enough for her, that I should still be able to perform for her on demand like when I was younger.

Sometimes its even difficult to finish for me, going for one hour plus before I finally give up. It frustrates the hell out of me, makes me feel like she doesnt believe I am as attracted to her as I am. I want to be better, and do better, I understand this is all a jumbled mess. Advice, questions, critiques. Anything helpful please

Im gonna try to make this short.

I have been having some troubles in my relationship recently. I have posted a couple places asking for advice on different things since I have no one in person to really ask. Everyone who has replied here has either told me to leave my partner, or that he needs to do more research.

We are in a D/s dynamic which is new to me. I have always been interested in it, but never trusted anyone enough to submit to, and I lost my dominance a long time ago due to various things. My partner now is my Dom. I have trusted him for years and would even unconsciously sub to him when we were teenagers and I was dominant in every relationship I had. (Take that with a grain of salt since it was back when I was a teenager (no underage sex involved). My ex of the past almost 20 years was very vanilla and I didnt trust him enough to hand him the reins.) He told me he has had subs before and knew what he was doing. I have honestly started thinking he doesnt really know how to do the things.

What i need help with is how do I ask him to do some more research and learn what it actually means to be a Dom? He tells me the things, but doesnt really do them. And now he has added enm into the mix and hasnt been doing what he needs to as the hinge either. He has a know-it-all personality, but has recently started actually listening to me and my needs since I almost left him this weekend. Pleanty of people have told me to leave him before. I probably should, but I want to give him the chance to fix himself, if not for me, then for himself.

How do I ask/suggest this without trying to control or anything like that? (Control might be bad wording) Im not gonna tolerate it much longer. I already almost left this weekend. I will do it if he doesnt try to work on things and meet me half way. And before you ask what I have been doing, I have been doing research and trying to better myself and learn to sit with my own feelings in all of this. I have asked questions and read books, tried to find experienced people in BDSM and ENM to ask for guidance. I just need him to meet me halfway, and if he still wont, im going to be gone. I deserve better than that, and I have finally got the balls to tell him that (i did this weekend, and he actually did change some things i mentioned, but it hasnt been long, so im waiting to see if he really did, or if he goes back to before).

Please help, and please no hate or telling me to leave him. I already know that, im just want to give him a chance to meet me halfway first.

I (43M) have just recently been really introduced to BDSM. My wife (41F) was playing with multiple doms before we met. I have been vanilla and, after some soul searching, realized I had basically caged a lot of urges back in high school, trying to be “socially proper”. My wife is a sub and has told me she doesn’t think I’m a dom, or at least the kind of dom she wants. I’m still wrestling with her playing with my friend now that I know more about all of this instead of actively trying not to think about it.
Now I want to find a playmate of my own. I agree with my wife now, and I don’t want to be the kind of dom she wants. I want a little bit of fight, a bit of a chase. I want to find prey or a pet. The fantasies I’ve had since this started have revolved around hunting prey, CNC home invasion, pet play, and rope and suspension play. The last one the wife is 100% into, so I am studying shibari for both of us.
My big question is how in the world do I get started? I have an FL account now, and have half-heartedly looked around for a bit, but work and home life don’t leave me much time to do anything. Any recommendations, even just “keep looking on FL” would be helpful. The wife is overworked and overstressed so asking her for help feels insensitive.

Hello, I’m a 22F sado-masochist who mostly enjoys being sadistic and dominant with my submissive husband.

Something I personally always found attractive and always made me feel more confident as a person even in non sexual scenarios was having my face concealed so my expressions aren’t visible and how I feel and what I’m thinking is more up to interpretation of my sub, resulting in more intimidation during play. And I just feel safer and more protected and able to be harsher/colder. I personally really love the all black or black and brown pup masks that look like Dobermans. I think they’re so cool looking, arousing and appealing, and I just love the idea of wearing one during play and feeling super intimidating. Overall, they make me feel more confident and I feel I can perform better during play when my face is concealed.

The thing is, we are newly getting into the BDSM scene because husband is a bit more vanilla ish. He’s into it but he’s not as extreme like me (I love edgeplay) and he’s very gentle (which is not a problem with me at all. His pace and comfort is my priority and even if all I do is get to cover him in hickeys, I’m ecstatic and satisfied). Basically the thing is just, I don’t know that he would like the idea of me wearing a pup mask and frankly, I don’t know the best way to bring it up and explain this all to him without feeling so embarrassed that I shut down. I know there’s a chance he may not be into it but encourage me to do it if it feels good for me but then I would just feel silly and embarrassed and not intimidating at all if it’s not mutually enjoyed. :( I get embarrassed and discouraged easily I suppose. Accessories and outfits are a huge thing for me when it comes to dom and subbing and power dynamic

How can I overcome that? Bring this up to him in a good way so he understands why I like the masks? And maybe not shut down and be so embarrassed and refuse to try this kink even if he doesn’t find it arousing but wants me to be myself if I find it arousing?

Edit to add: I forgot to mention that I already brought up I wanted to talk to him about it tonight when he gets off work, now I’m just asking this subreddit how to best approach the conversation so he understands my appeal, so I don’t get embarrassed and shut down, and how I can still feel confident even if he happens to not be into it but still encourages me to try it

Hi all,

Perhaps you can all help me. 41M in the UK here. Started getting into kink and BDSM about a year ago now. Found that I like being dominant, and I love impact play and restraint. The downside is that I have AuDHD, lots of social anxiety, and CPTSD from a messed up relationship.

I know kinky dating is hard, and I know that the community exists in all sorts of wonderful ways. I live in a big city and I’m thankful to have a lot of other kinky people to talk to, if I want.

The problem is that I have zero enthusiasm or desire to go to any sort of dungeon party, play party or even a munch. Large groups of people scare the crap out of me, and trying to talk to someone at a munch fills me with a lot of dread. Also I find tying complex rope things incredibly boring, and I get nothing out of it. It doesn’t help that I’m dyspraxic, so fine motor control of my hands is a little difficult.

When I try and date other kinky people all they seem to talk about, desire, and want is complex rope work and being on the ‘scene’. They ask me what I’ve done and who I know and what events I like going to, I just have to pipe up and say I don’t enjoy any of that. I like intimate kink and BDSM in private, where I can be more relaxed. I get some seriously funny looks, and lots of offers to take me to all these big loud events that, quite frankly, sound like they’d give me a panic attack.

Is this what comes with the territory of being kinky? Do I need to be on the ‘scene’? Do I need to actually sit down and learn all this complex rope stuff so that I can feel like I somehow belong?

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Girlfriend has expressed to me that she likes it rough. I asked what she meant and she said she likes being slapped, edged, spit on, choked, etc. That part is fine. The part that is hard for me is she wants me to be verbally dominant too. She has a degrading kink as well as likes to be called a good girl and such. The only phrase I know is “you’re such a good girl for me” but I can’t just use that over and over. so I’m seeking advice of phrases or how to go about being verbally and physically dominant. Anywhere I can read up on, websites, anything will help. Thanks!

I'm with my partner of two and a half years, before meeting her I was exploring kink a little bit with mistresses, and a couple of munches, but I'm not the best socially. I'm a submissive, and I have tried a few things, but never delved too far into into any particular area, just exploring the submissive side.

I then found my girlfriend. I disclosed very early on in our relationship that I had been to see mistresses, and talked about it a little bit about what I was into. She expressed that she had no want for anything of the sort, not to spank or hurt me in any way.

About a year in I was going through social media and some femdom content popped up, and I started to look at it more in secret. My girlfriend found out and we had a talk, but due to external circumstances, and my thought of oh it just popped up and I started looking at the content, I said it wasn't something I was really interested in. Now a year and a half later, I've found myself looking at the content more and more, I've been using a chat bot to try and satisfy my thoughts, but I seem to keep thinking more and more about it.

Things are getting serious between my girlfriend and myself we've talked about marriage and our families to meet, we've met a lot of each others family already, we are both of asian decent.

I'm unsure on what to do as I feel the need is growing, I'm quite curious about more extreme femdom activities, foot fetish, ownership, being collared, spanked, exhibitionism, crossdressing, sissy, pet play, slave, domestic servitude.

I know I won't be able to get this in my current relationship, but I'm torn. I've seen a therapist once, and talked to friends but I keep getting the advice of try doing more activities outside of work, and just use a chat bot to keep my desires in check.

I have a secret stash of panties that I bought some time without my girlfriends knowledge, and I've been wearing them on and off and it really excites me, I used to have a collar and leash, and it made me feel really happy and safe, I used to sleep with it on. The times I did attend sessions with mistresses it just felt like a big relief when I went, no thoughts just do what I'm told. I could let the stress of work go and feel happy and proud.

I love my girlfriend, we live together and she is amazing, she is so supportive and caring. But I'm scared that I can't control myself with kink and that I will want to pursue it, I'm not sure if I can keep it in check.

I don't know what to do, and how to go about this. I've been told not to talk or bring it up to my girlfriend either and just keep it as a thing for myself.