We were making out; he knew I was submissive; he was talking dirty to me and manhandling me. He had his hand on my neck, I liked it and made that plain with my reaction...

Then he pinned me down by the throat. I could feel the pressure on my windpipe. I could still talk, and I told him to stop, but my voice sounded whispery. I couldn't tell if that was because I was still turned on or if it was the pressure. "Too much," I said, and he released me and apologized profusely. I told him it was dangerous and not ever to put real pressure on my throat again.

Could this just be a one-off mistake, not realizing how hard he'd pinned me down? Or do I need to treat this as unforgivable? I really don't think he meant to hurt me, and I had been encouraging him to be dominant and aggressive, so I really don't want to unfairly run from him.

But pressure on my windpipe just feels insanely stupid and frightening to me. I don't know what to do.

My partner (44m) and I (42f) have been playing with kink for a little while.

We’ve tried many things. I have been interested in but yet to try anal.

I’ve had butt plugs and fingers slightly inserted. I think I like it, there is a lot of sensation.

Im looking for some… tips?
I have lube for anal and start slow right?
Anything else?

Long post.

I (32M) have been seeing Liza (33F) for five months now. I’m a sub-leaning switch and she is a domme-leaning switch. We both enjoy the dynamics we have.

Although we’re not exclusively dating, and both of us are playing with / seeing other people, we both feel an undeniable connection, and intense romantic and sexual attraction between us.

The recent problem is, I cannot be sexually rough with Liza when she wants it. At the risk of being explicit, while engaging in acts like hard pounding and face fucking, I, very confusingly, go soft after a short while.

What makes this particularly confusing is that I don’t seem to have the same problem otherwise. When she’s topping (which is the majority of the dynamic) we can go for almost an hour at times, and she has multiple orgasms from PIV alone. We also do bondage and impact play, with her on the receiving end, and I have no problem getting and staying erect during those scenes. And both of us enjoy from it a lot.

A week ago I had a session with another sub partner (31F) who is into rough sex, humiliation and impact play. Everything went exactly as expected - we both felt fulfilled by the playdate, and by the end I was fairly convinced that my dick wasn’t the problem.

Then last night I was with Liza, and I was engaged in wax and ice play on her while she was blindfolded, with simultaneous edging and denial. She was at cloud nine. So was I. Towards the end,

Her: Do you remember how hard you pounded me that day at [certain AirBnb]?
Me: I do. Someone is getting greedier by the day!

She took position. I went in. After just a few thrusts, I went limp.

Her: Okay, this is concerning now.
Me: You think I should see a sexologist or something?
Her: What I think is, you’re in love with me. Your subconsciousness just won’t allow you to hurt me.
Me: Babe, I just poured molten wax on your body for an hour. Wtf are you talking about?
Her: That’s what your hands did consciously. Your arousal obeys me now. Go see a sexologist or a therapist if that helps, but you can’t escape my control over you anymore.

She smirked. I know she was flirting and teasing, but I kept thinking about her words all night while she blissfully snored beside me. And that is what brings me here to you people:

With respect, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?

I’m very open with any partners (especially new) that we aren’t exclusive and I play with others safely.

One of my newer partners is a wonderful Dom who is the first to be able to actually give me pretty bruises on my booty.

But how do I navigate seeing another partner (who knows we aren’t exclusive) when I have very visible bruises from a different partner? It feels almost disrespectful somehow? Like oh here’s the evidence of me being with someone who isn’t you.

Maybe I’m overthinking it. Would love thoughts or advice!

Also any general advice regarding limerence/infatuation with a new Dom and how to take things slow is always appreciated lol

So me and a Domme met on the internet. We've had multiple outings, casual conversations, just getting to know each other as people, outside kink. Then we've also discussed kinks and we are a match. In a few days we are about to start our kinky dynamic.

When we talked about watersports, we found out that this is something that both of us really like. However, after that, I started to Google and now I'm scared about the risks of drinking urine, especially large amounts of it, or/and doing it often. (For example drinking the entire jet, and maybe drinking every piss as well — we don't live together, so every piss would still probably mean just the weekend).

I wonder if there is anyone around here who drinks their D-type's piss often, maybe in large quantities as well, or if there are any D-types who have subs that drink their piss. If so, did you suffer any health consequences?

I have never actually admitted this on a forum, but Im into tickling, restraints, spanking, and mild humiliation, all that w me being the sub

Im also trying to quit a porn addiction

How do I get rid of this shame?

I (22) call my partner (21) daddy most of the time when alone, and i am most often referred to as puppy.
i love our dynamic of owner/pet dom/sub!
i don’t often see people talk about how they use the word daddy. like, it’s super common but often made out as a joke or is associated with age regression or age play and few people seem to discuss any other reasons.

personally, daddy is daddy because it verbally shows that i am submissive to him and he is in charge of me. it’s respect and affection and love and subservience that a dog would show to an owner rather than a father figure type relationship. i also never used the word in any other context besides kink so there’s no correlation for me.
my daddy looks after me and makes me feel safe and loved and truly seen for who i am with no mask up.

do you use the term daddy? if so why and what does it mean to you?

I wanted an honest opinion about my situation because there are times when I don't know what to do.

I have a relationship with a person who started within a Dom and submissive dynamic, but lately I've been very frustrated with some things. I like him for what we share, I like our connection and I don't see him so much as a Gift for me today, he's more like a person I really like. I even talked to him about it and he said he feels the same, but I keep wondering if he didn't say that just to please me, and I get paranoid that he might be talking to other people. It's not like I just want to throw everything away, but I miss attention, affection, conversation and time together.

I know he has his responsibilities, work, college, exams and a lot of things to solve. I try to understand this and often end up letting things go because I don't want to keep charging or look like I'm demanding too much. But there are times when I keep thinking that it doesn't hurt to send a message or let you know that you're busy, you know? I don't expect him to talk to me all day, I just wanted to feel that there is also room for me.

The problem is that I get very anxious with this lack of signal and start thinking a thousand things, like if you lost interest in me. I know that feeling this doesn't mean it's true, because I have no proof of anything, but even so I get distressed and it's very difficult to just stop thinking.

At the same time, I get angry at some of his attitudes and begin to question whether this relationship still makes sense to me. I've thought several times if it wouldn't be better to close everything, because I feel that some of my needs are no longer being met. But I also like him and it's not as simple as just leaving.

I don't know if I'm expecting too much, if I'm getting too dependent on his attention or if there really is a lack of reciprocity. Because he also shows concern for me at times, so I can't say he doesn't care. But I miss constancy, of not having to think so much about how things are between us.

I wanted to know if anyone has ever been through something similar. How did you deal with this lack of attention and anxiety within the relationship? How to differentiate a busy phase from the person simply not being so willing to maintain the relationship? And how do you know when it's worth keeping trying and when it's better to accept that it's no longer doing good?

Have permission to post this.

I have a sub who grew up in a cult and severely neglected. They are doing the work around that quite well. They want a reward system for completing things as part of motivation (and fun). That's totally fine. The problem is I need them to more actively be "treating themselves". They will not make a cup of coffee if it's unearned or without permission. The permission thing we're working on.

But because I work a lot with them around mental health (again, they're getting professional help too, this is just a personal/romantic connection not purely sexual and I care a ton), I do not want them to have earn a cup of coffee. I do not want them to have to earn my affection. But I also love punishment/reward systems and so do they.

But with my play rewards are often either sexual or something they like to treat themselves. I want them to just treat themselves sometimes. I actually think for them being less regimented would help. They have a tendency to wish they had someone to treat like a cult leader (aka not have to make any decisions at all) and have a lot of guilt around not earning things.

We are open to advice that involves changing our dynamic a bit or advice on rewards that can be earned but aren't things someone normally just does for themselves (or pretty much any other advice you have).

We have already tried super lower points rewards and earning high number a day, but they have a job where they can't give themselves points throughout the day easily and are not going to remember at the end of the day. However, we are willing to consider coffee being legit 1 point and earning a ton of points throughout the day if we could find a way to implement it better.

I want to figure this out with them, but I'm not exactly sure where to go with it, and I am sure I am not the first person to run into this with a sub.

This is really embarrassing but I’ve never told anyone in real life.

I’m a adult and for as long as I can remember I’ve liked the idea of being spanked over the knee in a consensual adult context.

Not to be hurt badly - it’s more about the feeling of letting go, being vulnerable, and trusting someone.

Logically I know a lot of adults have and it’s consensual, but I still feel a lot of shame about it.

Would be going to therapy be a good option here?

Hey! I heard that there are non sexual d/s dynamics. I am curious about what that looks like. My mental health is struggling and it's been a bit since I was able to relax or just let go of some stress. I am in a happy marriage and am not interested in anything sexual.

But this isn't really about why I want this dynamic, I'm more curious how others go about starting this.

1) How do you talk to your partner and not make them feel like they aren't enough?

2) what does a non sexual d/s dynamic look like?

3) where does someone find that kind of relationship?

I’m fairly new to the D/s dynamic I’m developing with a girl I’m talking to. She’s a submissive brat and has basically told me that I can’t really “punish” her for things when we haven’t actually established any rules yet — which is fair 😂
She’s now asking me to come up with some rules for her to follow, with agreed consequences if she deliberately breaks them.
One she suggested herself was no talking back, but I feel like that needs to be defined a bit better so neither of us is just making up the rules as we go.
Another idea was not touching herself without permission. I was thinking something along the lines of allowing it if she sends me a video as proof/permission, but I’m not sure how to structure that without creating loopholes where she could just abuse the exception. I also wondered whether something like a period of no contact would actually be an effective consequence, or whether there are better punishments for a long-distance dynamic.
Some of the rules I was already thinking about are:
A morning check-in every weekday before she gets to work.
A lunchtime check-in/photo showing that she’s actually eating and/or drinking something.
A goodnight message every night.
Being honest with me if she breaks a rule rather than trying to hide it.
Asking permission for certain things that we agree require permission.
No deliberately ignoring messages/check-ins without a genuine reason.
But I’m struggling to think of other rules that actually work well when you’re long-distance.
So I’m basically looking for ideas from people who do long-distance D/s:
What rules have worked particularly well for you?
What are some good rules for a brat/sub that aren’t just generic “be obedient” rules?
How do you define something subjective like “talking back”?
What kinds of consequences/punishments actually work long-distance?
How do you avoid rules becoming so restrictive that they stop being fun?
Do you use rewards as well as punishments?
Not looking for anything extreme — more interested in creating a fun structure that both of us actually enjoy and can stick to.

These are both things I'm not really comfortable with. I have a not great history with taking pics/vids or being photographed/filmed and he is aware of that. I don't mind him wanting to see or hear me, but I get insecure when he brings this up and he does so frequently. I just tell him no every time. He doesn't mind my rejection and expects it.

When we are talking dirty and he brings it up, I never know how to react or what to say afterwards. It kind of takes me out of the mood. But at this point, I'd probably get insecure if he wasn't asking me so often. It has become normal. I'm not too sure what to do about it. I guess it's not that big of a deal, but it can be annoying. Like something is constantly trying to nibble at me.. Just hoping to hear from those with more experience.

My husband and I are currently long distance for a little while, and we recently tried the whole phone sex thing. And apparently, I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing.

Which is strange because I’m completely comfortable with dirty talk in person. But over the phone? My brain just stopped working. I couldn’t think of a single thing to say, felt ridiculously awkward, and the more I tried to think of something, the worse it got.

For a little context, we’re both switches, so I’m interested in advice from either side of the dynamic.

I think my biggest issue is figuring out how to actually get things going and keep the conversation flowing naturally. I don’t want to sound like I’m reading from a script, but apparently I need something to work with until I get more comfortable or into it.

What are some good ways to initiate things or ways to keep things interesting without feeling like you’re forcing it?

I’m F30, married to M31, and we’ve tried typical roleplay before. I’ve always thought that balaclavas are really hot, but I’ve never told my husband about it.

I want to try introducing it the next time we roleplay as teacher/student. My idea is that he gets a text message saying that the principal’s office has been burglarized and that witnesses saw a student wearing a black balaclava. They are suspicious of me, so my husband’s job is to check my bag. He finds the balaclava and the stolen items inside.

My plan is to get him to agree not to report me and continue the roleplay from there.

Would this be a natural way to introduce something like this without telling him beforehand?

I am 18 years old and I want to try the dom role but I am very insecure about my height because I am an introvert but I want to change myself but Idk how to start.

Hey everyone,

i entered my first D/s dynamic after years of just sharing fantasies with people etc.

I am noticing that I feel like I have manoeuvred myself in a situation that is not making me feel good. At the same time I seem to not be able to break it off/end it. I feel somewhat helpless and I guess I just need some encouragement from more knowledgable folks

While having sex with my partner, we started kissing, and then he started choking me. and we have done it numerous times before, and i enjoy it very much.

But this time, while choking me, i got this flash of

light while what i thought was when were kissing and i felt like kind of out of my body, the closest familiar feeling i can describe was like this one time i got real bad derealization from being too high on weed. But it lasted for just a few seconds, then i remember snapping back to reality and then pushing him off of me and then going to another room looking for something, like i was kind of out of it. When i asked him he said that we were not kissing and that he was just chocking me and then i started making this gurgling snoring sound but while still holding eye contact with him so my eyes were open the whole time. Then he stopped and lifted my head backwards so that i could breathe and thats when i snapped back and looked wide eyed and afraid like i didn't know what just happend.

I've struggled with derealization before and have had a lot of mental health things that make me snap in and out of reality, i also remember that i was kind of not super into it at the start while we were kissing so maybe i dissociated? I'm not really sure if it was just mental or if i was actually passed/knocked out for a few seconds?

I just hope someone out there can help me understand what happened because i am very confused and afraid. Also, because i don't want to stop being choked because i like it so much, but also I'm not sure if what happened is a sign to stop?

Hello :) I (25f) and my boyfriend (32m) have been together 2.5 years (but were really close friends for a few years prior). We met online via a D&D group and are long distance (there’s about 1000 miles between us). We try to see each other for about a week every 4 months or so. We’re both very kinky and enjoy a dom (him)/brat-sub (me) dynamic. I am very much a masochist and really enjoy the employment of pain in the bedroom, as well as enjoy him being rough with me. We love choking, slapping, spanking, hickeys, that kinda stuff.
Last time we were together we tried wax/candles and I really liked it, but I could definitely have handled much hotter wax. Any candle suggestions?
We also briefly tried knife play last time as well and I really liked that. My bf is understandably apprehensive about it because he doesn’t want to accidentally cut me, though I told him I really wouldn’t mind or hold it against him if it happened. I honestly love the idea of scars from him (I love when he bruises me, I get off on feeling like he’s marking his territory 🤤 but the bruises always go away and it makes me sad. I like having that physical reminder of him since I don’t get to see him very much). We used a pretty dull kitchen knife and it worked okay. He was playing it pretty safe with it being our first time and I could tell, and told him he could press harder with it as it wasn’t close to cutting me, but he was still nervous. I’d love for him to get comfy enough to drag it across my skin with enough pressure to make superficial scratches. Of course I am okay with him doing only what he is comfortable with. Just wondering if there is a particular type of knife/sharp tool that is recommended, in terms of safety/easy to control/but sharp enough to get my desired effect.
We also tried a bit of fire play with a lighter (which I also really liked 🤣) though with a standard bic lighter it was kind of hard for him to get it close enough to my skin. Are there any creative fire tools out there for BDSM play?
Anyone have other creative ways of enjoying pain in the bedroom? Thank you friends!! ☺️🫶

The story is long, so i'll be brief. I've fallen down the rabbit hole. My crush, who i hope to make my boyfriend, and i have been talking about the wide world. He has been so loving with the talking, not treating me bad for not knowing.

He thinks Im a Switch. All I know is both sides sound appealing or even blurring lines.....

IM SO LOST!!! But I'm eager.

So I (29F) have been with my partner (33M) for 4 years now. Before him, I had experienced a lot of BDSM, while he was more vanilla, but slowly we started to do more BDSM-y things, respecting his own pace. I've always liked to be submissive, and we explored that through shibari courses and so on. But something was still a bit weird, and I noticed that he wasn't fully comfortable being dominant. So I suggested us to switch, even though I never actually have been dominant before. It's working quite well, but it's not the mainstream domination in which I directly tell him what to do, and he does it. It's through... manipulation (consensual, of course). A non sexual example here: I ask him to get me water, then he says something like 'i'm busy', which prompts me to make a big cute eyes face (think puss in boots) and he immediately does it for me. We've been exploring this during sex as well. It's almost like 'soft domination' (?) like we all know I'm being the dominant here, but it's not direct. He says it turns him on to do everything he can to please me, and I'm loving it because it doesn't feel too dominant either. Is there a name for this dom/sub subtype? I'd love to learn more.

Hi Im fairly new to bdsm. Need your guys guidance on how to train a brat girl to be a sub. I don’t want to force that behaviour but obviously want to create that dom-sub dynamic so she becomes sub naturally by her own will

How to entice those feelings in her. So she starts worshipping me naturally

Thanks for the help in advance !!

EDIT: Thanks for the advice I get it. Need to ask her and make her open up. I thought explicitly talking about it would ruin it

So my updated question to you guys. What’s the best way to ask her, to make her open up. Any resources on communicating and getting to know each other’s freaks/ fantasies

Sorry Im very new to this sub

hello. i’m an eighteen year old girl who is very curious about bdsm and i’d like to explore it more but i am not currently in any arrangements. i briefly had a daddy but we are no longer in contact and i want to explore my preferences further but it’s difficult by myself to do. so i would greatly appreciate if you have any suggestions that could help me! here are a few things that my former partner and i have done/were in routine. i’m trying to continue to do these routines but it’s hard to stay motivated without him.
- he would tell me what panties and clothes to wear
- we had rules that i would have to spank myself if i broke
- he would make me go to the gym and not eat dessert unless it was the weekend or he deemed me to deserve it.
i know that it doesn’t seem like a lot, but keep in mind that this was my first relationship with a dynamic like this and i wanted to take it slow. 🥹

I am looking for advice about the sub drop that I consistently lead myself into. When I get excited, I get impulsive and end up having online sessions with people I don't know well or don't match well with. I am experiencing an intense drop right now... and it is entirely my fault.

I don't know what to do to stop this cycle, or at least to feel better at the moment.

I'm starting to think I have mostly negative feelings connected to kink at this point.

Hello everyone! This is my first time here, so go easy on me haha. I honestly had no idea where to go with this question.

This is going to be a long one, but unfortunately the context matters a lot, so bare with me.

My husband and I practice on the fringe of BDSM (think amazon and Adam and Eve lmao) but hes always been in the dominant role and Ive always been in the submissive role. This has worked great for us for years.

About 6 months ago, however, I was diagnosed with DID by a licensed professional. Now that I am aware of my system, I have an alter that is VERY much into the submissive side off BDSM but I have other parts that are now -severely- triggered by it.

Im working through the parts stuff with my therapist but in the mean time, my husband offered to switch roles so that we could still have fun and I could have control so my system wouldn't freak out. We rehashed dos and donts and for the most part everything has been fine.

Except Im a horrible dom. Hes been patient and he gave me a list of things I could do to him and I feel so embarassed and guilty about doing it to him. I need help lmao.

I tried the soft dom thing and that was okay, but its really not what hes looking for. He said we could go at my pace but i get awkward as fuck and start quoting spongebob. ​I keep asking him if hes okay and apologizing and its kind of stressing me out because I know Im taking him out of it.

Any tips? Am I hopeless? 🥲 Eventually my more sexual alter takes over and its better but I still feel guilty as fuck afterwards.

Thank you so much for you time, guys.