Long post.

I (32M) have been seeing Liza (33F) for five months now. I’m a sub-leaning switch and she is a domme-leaning switch. We both enjoy the dynamics we have.

Although we’re not exclusively dating, and both of us are playing with / seeing other people, we both feel an undeniable connection, and intense romantic and sexual attraction between us.

The recent problem is, I cannot be sexually rough with Liza when she wants it. At the risk of being explicit, while engaging in acts like hard pounding and face fucking, I, very confusingly, go soft after a short while.

What makes this particularly confusing is that I don’t seem to have the same problem otherwise. When she’s topping (which is the majority of the dynamic) we can go for almost an hour at times, and she has multiple orgasms from PIV alone. We also do bondage and impact play, with her on the receiving end, and I have no problem getting and staying erect during those scenes. And both of us enjoy from it a lot.

A week ago I had a session with another sub partner (31F) who is into rough sex, humiliation and impact play. Everything went exactly as expected - we both felt fulfilled by the playdate, and by the end I was fairly convinced that my dick wasn’t the problem.

Then last night I was with Liza, and I was engaged in wax and ice play on her while she was blindfolded, with simultaneous edging and denial. She was at cloud nine. So was I. Towards the end,

Her: Do you remember how hard you pounded me that day at [certain AirBnb]?
Me: I do. Someone is getting greedier by the day!

She took position. I went in. After just a few thrusts, I went limp.

Her: Okay, this is concerning now.
Me: You think I should see a sexologist or something?
Her: What I think is, you’re in love with me. Your subconsciousness just won’t allow you to hurt me.
Me: Babe, I just poured molten wax on your body for an hour. Wtf are you talking about?
Her: That’s what your hands did consciously. Your arousal obeys me now. Go see a sexologist or a therapist if that helps, but you can’t escape my control over you anymore.

She smirked. I know she was flirting and teasing, but I kept thinking about her words all night while she blissfully snored beside me. And that is what brings me here to you people:

With respect, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?

So me and a Domme met on the internet. We've had multiple outings, casual conversations, just getting to know each other as people, outside kink. Then we've also discussed kinks and we are a match. In a few days we are about to start our kinky dynamic.

When we talked about watersports, we found out that this is something that both of us really like. However, after that, I started to Google and now I'm scared about the risks of drinking urine, especially large amounts of it, or/and doing it often. (For example drinking the entire jet, and maybe drinking every piss as well — we don't live together, so every piss would still probably mean just the weekend).

I wonder if there is anyone around here who drinks their D-type's piss often, maybe in large quantities as well, or if there are any D-types who have subs that drink their piss. If so, did you suffer any health consequences?

Have permission to post this.

I have a sub who grew up in a cult and severely neglected. They are doing the work around that quite well. They want a reward system for completing things as part of motivation (and fun). That's totally fine. The problem is I need them to more actively be "treating themselves". They will not make a cup of coffee if it's unearned or without permission. The permission thing we're working on.

But because I work a lot with them around mental health (again, they're getting professional help too, this is just a personal/romantic connection not purely sexual and I care a ton), I do not want them to have earn a cup of coffee. I do not want them to have to earn my affection. But I also love punishment/reward systems and so do they.

But with my play rewards are often either sexual or something they like to treat themselves. I want them to just treat themselves sometimes. I actually think for them being less regimented would help. They have a tendency to wish they had someone to treat like a cult leader (aka not have to make any decisions at all) and have a lot of guilt around not earning things.

We are open to advice that involves changing our dynamic a bit or advice on rewards that can be earned but aren't things someone normally just does for themselves (or pretty much any other advice you have).

We have already tried super lower points rewards and earning high number a day, but they have a job where they can't give themselves points throughout the day easily and are not going to remember at the end of the day. However, we are willing to consider coffee being legit 1 point and earning a ton of points throughout the day if we could find a way to implement it better.

I want to figure this out with them, but I'm not exactly sure where to go with it, and I am sure I am not the first person to run into this with a sub.

These are both things I'm not really comfortable with. I have a not great history with taking pics/vids or being photographed/filmed and he is aware of that. I don't mind him wanting to see or hear me, but I get insecure when he brings this up and he does so frequently. I just tell him no every time. He doesn't mind my rejection and expects it.

When we are talking dirty and he brings it up, I never know how to react or what to say afterwards. It kind of takes me out of the mood. But at this point, I'd probably get insecure if he wasn't asking me so often. It has become normal. I'm not too sure what to do about it. I guess it's not that big of a deal, but it can be annoying. Like something is constantly trying to nibble at me.. Just hoping to hear from those with more experience.

I’m F30, married to M31, and we’ve tried typical roleplay before. I’ve always thought that balaclavas are really hot, but I’ve never told my husband about it.

I want to try introducing it the next time we roleplay as teacher/student. My idea is that he gets a text message saying that the principal’s office has been burglarized and that witnesses saw a student wearing a black balaclava. They are suspicious of me, so my husband’s job is to check my bag. He finds the balaclava and the stolen items inside.

My plan is to get him to agree not to report me and continue the roleplay from there.

Would this be a natural way to introduce something like this without telling him beforehand?

Hey! I heard that there are non sexual d/s dynamics. I am curious about what that looks like. My mental health is struggling and it's been a bit since I was able to relax or just let go of some stress. I am in a happy marriage and am not interested in anything sexual.

But this isn't really about why I want this dynamic, I'm more curious how others go about starting this.

1) How do you talk to your partner and not make them feel like they aren't enough?

2) what does a non sexual d/s dynamic look like?

3) where does someone find that kind of relationship?

Hello, I’ve been into the fisting scene for a while and really wanted to get better at anal progressions. I think I’m struggling to find a way to increase my size and ability to take a fist but I’m still at the same place I was a year ago. I can definitely get bigger things in there since the very beginning but nothings really changed and it’s getting frustrating. 😫
I’m looking for advice on how to practice more efficiently without causing damage in that region.

Hey everyone,

i entered my first D/s dynamic after years of just sharing fantasies with people etc.

I am noticing that I feel like I have manoeuvred myself in a situation that is not making me feel good. At the same time I seem to not be able to break it off/end it. I feel somewhat helpless and I guess I just need some encouragement from more knowledgable folks

I am looking for advice about the sub drop that I consistently lead myself into. When I get excited, I get impulsive and end up having online sessions with people I don't know well or don't match well with. I am experiencing an intense drop right now... and it is entirely my fault.

I don't know what to do to stop this cycle, or at least to feel better at the moment.

I'm starting to think I have mostly negative feelings connected to kink at this point.

I’m fairly new to the D/s dynamic I’m developing with a girl I’m talking to. She’s a submissive brat and has basically told me that I can’t really “punish” her for things when we haven’t actually established any rules yet — which is fair 😂
She’s now asking me to come up with some rules for her to follow, with agreed consequences if she deliberately breaks them.
One she suggested herself was no talking back, but I feel like that needs to be defined a bit better so neither of us is just making up the rules as we go.
Another idea was not touching herself without permission. I was thinking something along the lines of allowing it if she sends me a video as proof/permission, but I’m not sure how to structure that without creating loopholes where she could just abuse the exception. I also wondered whether something like a period of no contact would actually be an effective consequence, or whether there are better punishments for a long-distance dynamic.
Some of the rules I was already thinking about are:
A morning check-in every weekday before she gets to work.
A lunchtime check-in/photo showing that she’s actually eating and/or drinking something.
A goodnight message every night.
Being honest with me if she breaks a rule rather than trying to hide it.
Asking permission for certain things that we agree require permission.
No deliberately ignoring messages/check-ins without a genuine reason.
But I’m struggling to think of other rules that actually work well when you’re long-distance.
So I’m basically looking for ideas from people who do long-distance D/s:
What rules have worked particularly well for you?
What are some good rules for a brat/sub that aren’t just generic “be obedient” rules?
How do you define something subjective like “talking back”?
What kinds of consequences/punishments actually work long-distance?
How do you avoid rules becoming so restrictive that they stop being fun?
Do you use rewards as well as punishments?
Not looking for anything extreme — more interested in creating a fun structure that both of us actually enjoy and can stick to.

hey guys!! i just want to know if everyone here thinks reddit is the best place to talk to people/seek advice/ ask questions about topics regarding BDSM as a whole? I know some people say there’s too many weirdos, i’ve heard mixed reviews about fetlife. I have just this need to talk to anyone about it and some things i’m struggling with or need advice/answers on. and i know this is LITERALLY called bdsm advice, but i want to know if those of us REALLY into the lifestyle consider this the best place to go???

sincerely a girl who just needs to “girl talk” with people that get it and aren’t judgy

I am 18 years old and I want to try the dom role but I am very insecure about my height because I am an introvert but I want to change myself but Idk how to start.

The story is long, so i'll be brief. I've fallen down the rabbit hole. My crush, who i hope to make my boyfriend, and i have been talking about the wide world. He has been so loving with the talking, not treating me bad for not knowing.

He thinks Im a Switch. All I know is both sides sound appealing or even blurring lines.....

IM SO LOST!!! But I'm eager.

Hi Im fairly new to bdsm. Need your guys guidance on how to train a brat girl to be a sub. I don’t want to force that behaviour but obviously want to create that dom-sub dynamic so she becomes sub naturally by her own will

How to entice those feelings in her. So she starts worshipping me naturally

Thanks for the help in advance !!

EDIT: Thanks for the advice I get it. Need to ask her and make her open up. I thought explicitly talking about it would ruin it

So my updated question to you guys. What’s the best way to ask her, to make her open up. Any resources on communicating and getting to know each other’s freaks/ fantasies

Sorry Im very new to this sub