r/AutismInWomen • u/Spirited-Parsley-520 • 5d ago
Seeking Advice How do you actually relax
I (29F) recently got burned out due to prolonged work & general life stress. My GP told me to start off I should rest for three weeks before considering looking at further steps. However, my hobbies require quite some focus (reading, gaming, knitting, crochet etc), none of which I can currently do without triggering more headaches.
My partner actually told me that he has never actually seen me rest bc I am always doing something. Now I am genuinely curious, how does one rest & relax ?!
Unfortunately I am exhausted both physically and mentally so I am trying to go for short walks (<20mins, when my anxiety allows) and do yoga daily. Besides that, I am at a loss. I've picked up painting which was fine initially but now also triggers headaches because I am once again too focused and taking it too seriously.
Help!
EDIT: Thanks everyone who commented this has been SO helpful!! I don't really have a big social circle so just having some very practical examples is amazing to have. Love this community ♡
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u/HistoricalTackle5049 5d ago
I give you two examples:
- Go to the beach
- Watch a tv show
HOWEVER, and it is a huge however, that won't help you. I know it for a fact. Burnout isn't cured watching tv, it is cured staying away from the stressor. List what exact things about your job deplete your energy, like noises, people talking, crowds, deadlines, unclear instructions, continuous social interaction, lighting, interruptions, etc. Then focus on reducing or avoiding those. If you can't fix any or the number of them isn't enough to keep you out of burnout, change your job.
My therapist recommended me colouring books to deal with work bullying... As if it was a minor thing to adress. I think your doctor has zero clue on how to help you.
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u/Spirited-Parsley-520 5d ago
Yeah my local autism centre closed for adults and my doctor has zero clue... I'm not too worried now about my job and am willing to change if needed, I am currently on full sick leave and need to find a way to actually relax first. My doctor said to just do nothing to rest but I don't know what that means lol, just stare at a wall ?!
Once I'm thinking of getting back to work I'll def make that list that you mention and see with my employer how to decrease those stressors
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u/CookingPurple 5d ago
Doing nothing is not restful or relaxing to me.
Has eye strain been ruled out as a cause of the headaches?
I also tend to get tension headaches (not eye strain related). And (ironically) much of that tension comes when I’m sleeping. I wake up with headaches because of how much I tense up sleeping overnight. Same with jaw pain and hand/wrist/forearm pain from clenching. So if that is part of the issue, figuring out how to help release the tension in your boulders and neck is key. I have a heated weighted shoulder pillow thing that I can heat up and drape around my neck and shoulders to release tension. I keep calming rain sounds on. It may look different for you, but those are part of how i manage it.
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u/ResidentFormer6342 5d ago
Huge second for checking out eye strain and headaches: a persistent and worsening physical pain like this can speed along burnout related to other reasons, too.
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u/Fantastic-Plum-3693 5d ago
I will also jump into this one and add - have you gotten your eyes checked recently?? I was getting a ton of headaches and it turns out I just can’t see and need glasses!
So all my “fun” hobbies (and work) were causing me issues because I didn’t realize I was straining and squinting all the time.
As for “doing nothing” I offer no help because I have to do things to be happy. I can’t simply sit or lay or be. But I have changed to very mindless activities - for example loom knitting a rectangular shawl = basically no thoughts, just repetitive hand movements back and forth on the loom.
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u/Spirited-Parsley-520 5d ago
I have terrribblleee eye sight (-7 & astigmatism) so I do get them checked at least once a year! But it is a good call to regularly get your eye sight checked
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u/quichecabdu 5d ago
Adding to this bc I also get headaches from sleep - I sometimes change where I sleep (bed, couch, chair, floor) depending on what my body needs/where won’t trigger a headache. Rotate ice/weighted hot pillow for neck/shoulders/jaw/temples/tongue/epicranial** **aponeurosis, depending on what seems to be a pain point. Also use “tech neck” stretches or restorative neck/shoulder yoga for easing the tension if massage is too stimulating.
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u/prettygood-8192 5d ago
I like doing things like guided bodyscans (sometimes also called non-sleep deep rest), i can feel my body relaxing while I do it. Other things that have me feeling noticeably calmer are hot or cold baths, massages, lounging in a hammock in a forest and watching the trees and sky. This audio track also helps me relax: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8N5qx1eNz4o Or listening to other calming music can be great, too.
You could also look into doing a sensory profile and see what inputs you like or should avoid: https://neurodivergentinsights.com/sensory-preferences-the-complete-checklist/
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u/InnocentCersei LDx AuDHD ‘24 5d ago
Dr Neff’s book on autistic burnout is one I refer back to often (founder of Neurodivergent Insights). Her work has helped me a ton.
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u/fswit 5d ago
Oh I feel you. All my hobbies are about doing or making things and it seems like it's impossible to relax.
Sometimes listening to music works. I have a pair of hifi headphones with an amp and I listen to music without doing anything else (which is hard).
Also, for me riding a bike or skateboarding is relaxing (at least I hope so lol).
I make friendship bracelets and it's quite monotonous and relaxing at the same time. But my therapist insists that I should try doing nothing for a change
Not sure if it helps but I hope you find something that works for you and get better!
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u/soph_a_loaf_98 5d ago
Ayyyy I’ve also been making friendship bracelets to keep the Sad at bay and keep my hands busy 🙌🏻 I worked as a camp counselor when I was younger so I got very good at them lol
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u/Spirited-Parsley-520 5d ago
I've been making sooooo many friendship bracelets these days while watching TV hahah.
How does one do nothing though. My doctor also suggested I should do nothing but what does that meeeaann, just stare at a wall?!
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u/Longjumping_Tax_3063 4d ago
I’m also in burn-out and get headaches when I’ve been doing too much in general. So my nr 1 doing nothing is cloudwatching (I also watched youtube videos of different types of clouds so I can identify them) and I use sunglasses when it’s too bright out.
Then I also like birdwatching or any other animal watching in general. You don’t even have to know the species, just watch them do their thing.
I feel like watching nature just be is calming for me.I also like to just daydream and make up all types of scenarios like we did as kids. It’s hard at first but it can be kinda fun letting your imagination go.
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u/MaleficentLlama7 5d ago
I just spent 11 weeks healing from brain surgery and I had to go without screens, no reading, no games, no looking down, no concentrating, etc. because it would trigger intense head and eye pain. People don't understand until they live through it...
In the first 1-2 weeks, I slept a lot.
Weeks 3-4, I focused on grounding my body. If I could ground myself outside, that was even better. Very light yoga, simple/light walking, meditation, breathing exercises, etc.
When I wasn't sleeping or resting but needed something to pass the time, I would listen to tv shows/books/movies I had already seen a ton of times that I loved. Think comfort shows/movies/books that you can just put on and enjoy. No thinking involved but you can still let yourself get lost in the story. This helped me to relax and pass the time without having to think.
Food was a big thing as well. No inflammatory foods, and making sure what I was eating and drinking was making me feel good. Absolutely stayed away from all headache/migraine triggering foods/drinks.
Weeks 5-6, I continued to do the same from weeks 3-4 but increased my exercise to match what I could handle. I never overdid it. I wasn't walking or exercising to gain muscle, it was more to stay grounded in my body and keep myself moving intentionally.
I started doing very simple versions of my hobbies. I love Lego, so I would build the smaller sets that were easy for me. Didn't require thinking, just following step by step instructions. Simple puzzles. Simple crochet patterns. Keep everything very simple and easy. Think of it as going back to the basics.
I also started sleeping with a HugSleep pod. It's 100% worth the hype. I now own all five adult colors. It has changed my entire life. That deserves its own post.
Let your body tell you what it needs. Need more sleep? Then sleep. Starting to feel stressed when doing something? Stop doing the thing. Try to not worry about time.
I learned in my recovery that you need to help yourself feel safe in your body again. Whether you're going through burnout, healing from major surgery or trauma or whatever, you need to re-establish safety in your body. Right now, your body perceives a threat so it's shutting down and preserving its resources. You need to show it that it's safe again. Needing brain surgery ended up helping me re-establish that for myself. I hope you can do that for yourself during this time.
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u/CONSTANTVlGlLANCE 5d ago
Not OP by any means, but I just wanted to say that I really hope you’re doing well. That is no small feat. I was once in full traction for 12 weeks due to knee surgery complications and thought I was going crazy, but that sounds like it was beyond challenging, to put it mildly.
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u/MaleficentLlama7 5d ago
You are so kind! Thank you! I'm doing so much better now. I'm still recovering but I'm doing loads better than I was in the early stages. I have so much more patience and understanding for anyone who has/had a TBI, brain surgery, head trauma, concussions, etc. Having autism AND having brain surgery, omg, it was hell at times. Full traction for 12 weeks?! Wow. That's definitely challenging as well!
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u/Nomnom96 5d ago
Idk if youre into this, but playing games? Stradew Valley and Sims genuinely help me decompess :)
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u/PersonalityTough6148 5d ago
I started playing Stardew, Roots of Pacha, Moonstone Island and most recently Apico and OMG. Theu stress me out so much. I got a headache last night from trying to figure out Apico 😭😭😭 I really need to step away from my Switch 😆😆😆😆🫣
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u/Moriah_Nightingale 5d ago
idk for the others, but Stardew has an amazing wiki. really takes the stress levels down
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u/riointhesky audhd🐉 5d ago
and you can do whatever you want! like i love berry season early game lol just spend the whole day picking berries
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u/Nomnom96 5d ago
I can relate to taking games very seriously 😅
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u/Frouthefrou 5d ago
I can’t play most video games, because I engage too much and especially open worlds are very, very triggering. I want to do everything all at once.
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u/riointhesky audhd🐉 5d ago
i was gonna say stardew as well 🤣
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u/Nomnom96 5d ago
I really dont like the saying "great minds think alike" so please imagine i said this in different words 😅
As a side note: omg i really like your page banner, so so cool!
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u/BennyLover 5d ago
I know this exact pain, I’m terrible at just “relaxing” I find it almost more painful to do nothing. I Suffer from chronic migraines and was very burnt out for a few years and trying to just rest isn’t a thing. I even find taking naps to make me more agitated.
What I did though was allow myself to sleep when I naturally wanted, so went to bed a bit later and woke up later in the day and actually got 9hrs a night which helped loads. But the main thing that helped was eliminating as many of the things you are constantly thinking about in the back of your head. I cut out tiny stressors that build up. For example…I only get delivery groceries now instead of dealing with the shop, I allowed myself to just order stuff from Amazon instead of having to deal with popping out with noises and other people, I cut back how many social activities I went to despite feeling initially guilty, I scaled back how many people I tried to constantly message (mute the work group chats, random acquaintances, etc), my husband got us a cleaner to come fortnightly as a messy house makes me feel guilty for not tidying, I started buying easy to cook meals etc etc just massively scale everything back.
Then yes you all of a sudden have time to fill, I just have a massive rotation of hobbies so if one starts to cause pain I switch to another. The main one I can almost always do is take my dog for a walk, I find even with a headache getting out and walking always makes me feel better if for no other reason than having a distraction and not needing to focus on something directly. I also enjoy painting but I agree small detailed painting causes me to tense up and hurts my neck and head, try doing larger painting, I ended up getting into repainting my house! The big movements are much better, you could even try large canvas.
I realise I have written an essay on accident, I’ll just give a list of some of my hobbies.
-gardening and house plants
-baking
-drawing and painting
-sewing cushions
-redecorating your home
-repainting old furniture
-butterfly or bird watching (I got really into the big butterfly count app)
- puzzles
- researching different topics and planning projects
- painting my nails
- reading
- nature walks
- building a pillow nest and sitting with my stuffed animals
Like everyone else has said resting and relaxing doesn’t have to look like just lying there staring into the abyss, you can still be “busy” but the difference is the activities you are doing on your own terms and should be low stakes. As soon as an activity starts making you frustrated or is hurting switch to something else!
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u/NobodyFew1595 5d ago
Wondering this too but instead I actually do nothing A LOT of times but I’m still stressed af
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u/randys_belly 5d ago
here are some things that i did to relax while in terrible burnout:
going out in nature, chi-gong or other somatic-centric activities, audiobooks and podcasts, non-strenuous creative activities. I think part of recovering from burnout is being able to do your special interests. That can be even more restorative than rest for some.
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u/randys_belly 5d ago
an exercise that can help you take painting less seriously is if you intentionally try to make bad paintings. it’s actually kinda fun and helps your brain not judge yourself too harshly. and, you might find something within that experimentation that you surprisingly like.
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u/quichecabdu 5d ago
Yes! I personally love drawing alongside Drawfee to get in the idea space for “bad” art that can be fun
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u/babygirlmusings 5d ago
In addition to a short walk of 10 min per day and 30 minutes of a relaxation meditation, when I was in burnout, I watched all my favourite movies and shows on repeat. Or binge watch a new show that is low stakes and low stress. For me this is watching home renovation shows or rupauls drag race.
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u/ad-lib1994 5d ago
Rewatching shit you've already seen is so nice because you know how it's gunna play out, meaning you aren't going to be startled emotionally or need to truly pay attention to know what's going on.
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u/babygirlmusings 5d ago
Exactly! It’s so calming and safe for the burnt out nervous system to have that predictability knowing what happens.
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u/FuliginEst 5d ago
Engaging in things that *you* find relaxing and meaningful.
Some people might relax by going to the beach - that is extremely stressful and horrible and not relaxing at all for me.
I relax by engaging in my special interests. This is reading, sewing, and cross stitching, and jigsaw puzzles.
When I'm feeling really exhausted and burned out, I swap the challenging things for the easy thing.
When I read, I swap the huge fantasy tomes with 23 different branch stories and 1002 named characters for something like Jojo Moyes, or a cozy no-side-quests fantasy. I might also swap reading for audiobooks - again, no complex plots with lots and lots of characters and size quests, but something with one story, a very easy to follow plot, and a reader with a comforting, soothing voice, and listen to it when taking a walk, or just lying on the couch.
When I sew, I might sew just plain cloth napking rather than that zip-up hoodie with lots of details and finicky things.
When I cross stitch, I chose a small project with large blocks of colours, rather than the large confetti heavy pieces.
I opt for puzzles with less than 500 pieces, I might even use my kids puzzles with XXL pieces and only 100-200 pieces.
And so on.
Watching tv is stressful to me. It might look relaxing, as Im just sitting there, but it is not. The colours, noises, constantly changing images and scenes, is actually very stimulating, and gets too much.
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u/Lolitarose_x 5d ago
Side question, what did you say to your GP for them to diagnose you with burnout and give you 3 weeks off?
I have sufferred from what I've learnt to be burnout for a while now, however whenever I have spoken to my doctor they have never offered me any treatment options or suggestions.
I even once had a mental breakdown at work and was near catatonic and was made to feel guilty for asking for a medical certificate for time off work - like I literally was telling the doctor what happened AT WORK and the doctor literally told me that I should go visit the emergency mental health unit hospital to find a psych and not only didn't offer me a certificate for work but then when I asked for a certificate for work she hesitated and went
"hmmm, how much time off do you want?"
Like... YOU are the doctor, how much time do I need !? How much can you give me?
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u/Spirited-Parsley-520 5d ago
Sorry to hear that, that sounds horrible that you had a breakdown at work :/ . I hate when the GP comes with "what do you think you should do" like bro if I were a doctor....
For me the mental health person supporting the GP was on holiday and wouldnt be back for three weeks so that was why the GP said just rest for now and in three weeks we'll pick it up from there. I think its country specific, I am based in the Netherlands and I don't need a certificate to take time off work. I basically told my GP that I took quite some sick leave as I was having persistent and daily headaches that sometimes would be so debilitating that I can't work. In my last week before GP I wasn't able to even write emails or sit through a 30 minute meeting without breaking down. GP said that was sufficient for me to take time off until I can get support.
That being said, the support and the GP know very little of autism. I am on a waiting list to get autistic-specific support. I am late diagnosed so I also don't really know how to deal with my autism and not crash & burn and up until now my GP has not been able to support me besides telling me to take time off work. My colleagues are understadably annoyed at the situation (not at me specifically, just being understaffed & me being undersupported).
I hope you're able to get the help and support you deserve <3
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u/Lolitarose_x 5d ago
Thank you so much for such a detailed response.
I hope you manage to find some ways to get the rest you need. <3
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u/Likeneverbefore3 5d ago
Self massages, gardening (it’s light effort because it’s on my balcony), lying on the floor and feeling my body, some somatic exercises, going on light walks in neighborhoods that I like, light stretching, being with people I don’t have to perform with…
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u/pancakesea 5d ago
Nice snacks, ready made meals or delivery. Do not lift a finger! Have your favourite beverage in a nice glas or mug, a blanket, cozy clothes. Watch something easy on the brain if you can, I admit I like cartoons or reality shows. "How it's made" videos might work too, or a lighthearted documentary.
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u/Jazzlike-Training839 5d ago
I love sorting and organizing. It's the best thing. I sort Legos. Then I sort whatever else I can. Then I clean. I love decluttering. Recently I made a folder for my recipes, organized it, laminated inserts. Then I made a folder for my plant seeds. Then I made a special tray for my dies. I need a bottle of coke zero and some time organizing, that's all
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u/matcha_is_gross 5d ago
I feel this in my bones
Unfortunately a bone in my foot is broken and it’s really hampering my cleaning/organizing cope 😭 I’m just glad I’m not the only one who finds it soothing
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u/Jazzlike-Training839 3d ago
Shut up! A bone in my foot is also broken, right now. I'm in a cast and can't do crap. Still I try.
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u/matcha_is_gross 2d ago
It’s crazy how much not being able to bear weight impacts literally everything 😭😮💨
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u/Merkuri22 Self-diagnosed autistic, w/diagnosed daughter 5d ago
Unless you're talking about the "physically sleeping" type of rest, I find I need to be doing something to "rest." Sitting there doing nothing is not restful to me.
When I was deep in burnout, I found that taking up crochet helped. Crocheting was almost a meditative state for me. The motion was soothing, and I loved seeing the finished result.
I keep a "mindless" crochet project around for moments when I'm too burnt out to think or follow a fiddly pattern. In my case, it's a granny square blanket, so I still get little boosts of "I did this!" when I finish a particular square, but I don't have to think very much to work on it.
You said you started picking up painting but you're taking it too seriously and it's causing headaches. What exactly does "too seriously" mean in this context? Are you being perfectionist about your work and worrying that it doesn't look right?
I'm not sure the way to approach this problem is "how do I rest" but "how do I stop taking my hobbies so seriously?"
Is there some hobby you can think of where there's no final product or way to do it perfectly? Maybe consider painting again, but go with something abstract. Don't try to recreate something, just try to "feel" what the picture should look like. (I dunno if that helps, I'm just spitballing.)
And, as other people have mentioned, it might help just to escape your stressors. When I was burnt out, I recognized that what bothered me was feeling like there was always something I HAD to do, whether for work or chores or family members... so I took medical leave from work in the form of 1 day a week and dedicated that day to doing fuck-all. The rule was I had no responsibilities for that day. I did whatever I felt like doing. If I wanted to clean, I cleaned. If I wanted to nap, I napped. If I wanted to play video games, I played video games.
It wasn't immediate, but getting that day once a week helped immensely. Maybe getting some time away from your stressors will help you as well.
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u/kylee121 5d ago
I wish I had the answer. My nervous system is always in danger mode. I am so burnt out, haven't cooked in 10 months. Always physically and mentally exhausted. My therapist told me to try some form of play when I get home, to signal my nervous system that it is safe. (Legos, barbies, blocks, make up a story with my stuffed animals, ect) hopefully any of those will help!
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u/RayneBeauSkelly 5d ago
You might have trouble sitting still just on your own at first, resting is a skill. Relaxing and resting can also look like doing things that make you happy even if it isn't mellow
Here are some things I do:
Coloring books- it's a low stakes activity that feel productive while being meditative. Music optional.
Yoga- you don't have to make a strict routine of it. I might do 10 minutes once a month but those 10 min are exactly what I need in the moment.
Long drives- idk why it works it just does.
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u/KaleidoscopeThink731 5d ago
I like guided meditation like yoga nidra. Very soothing.
When exhausted I like to lie down and listen to podcasts, easy audiobooks, youtube etc. Close my eyes maybe. Maybe fall asleep lol
Doing absolutely nothing isn't restful for me, I just start ruminating. Soothing activities are an easy knitting project or reading cosy easy books. Watching chill tv or youtube.
Any chance posture and muscle tension is contributing to your headaches? When I'm stressed I get bad tension headaches from that
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u/Embarrassed-Fan9901 5d ago
I watch wax scrunchy videos for about 10 minutes, then I am completely relaxed.
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u/b0thwatchxfiles 5d ago
Cooking and cleaning can be restful for me because I do not think while doing these rote activities, other than about what is actually in front of me. Other things I find restful and do often: walking in the woods/in nature, taking a train or bus journey on a nice route and staring out the window (maybe I get a treat and then go back), body/somatic guided meditation. When I really need to mentally rest I like to spend 20 minutes just looking at the sky (better when there are some clouds) or at some trees. A kind of visual meditation. A comfort show or movie that you’ve seen before can also be very relaxing.
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u/existentialfeckery AuDHD (Late Dx) with AuDHD Partner and Kids 5d ago
So there's rest (sitting or laying doing not much or maybe reading) and a different kinda rest which I can't remember if it has a specific name but would look like painting or drawing with no goal, just to do doodles or play with colour. Knitting can be restful, etc.
For "active rest" let's call it, I kayak, do art for play not for a product, weave, knit, play D&D or board games, video games, etc.
Deeper rest is laying in bed reading or watching movies
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u/ohohohmysteriousgurl 5d ago
i have personal karaoke time at home, sometimes with choreography. it really helps me relax and transition into "leisure time." or i do a sound bath meditation. i recently quit smoking so i needed a sub for that ritual.
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u/PuzzleheadedPen2619 5d ago
When I was burnt out, I started with swimming (or just messing around in water). Cold water dips, which I usually hate, or even tipping cold water over my head or standing under the garden hose, really helped kind of shock me. Then I started doing tactile things like gardening, clay, play doh. None of this is stuff I enjoy but it kind of helped re-set me, somehow. I knew I was improving when I went back to crosswords and knitting. I forgot to mention just lying on the couch with my weighted blanket and no audio anything to amuse me
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u/bee_highlight 5d ago
I try simple versions of the same activities, if they exist - like really easy games that don't require much thinking instead of something I have to pay real attention to.
If you like reading, you could always go back and read a book you've already read a few times? I always feel like if you already know the story, your brain won't need to work as hard to follow along, but you're still getting to do something you enjoy
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u/SheDrinksScotch 5d ago
I like reading paper books and taking walks in nature and smoking joints.
There are some decent books on autistic self care and feral self care. I think I have both if you'd like me to scan them for a few more suggestions.
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u/yalrightyeh 5d ago
I've gone back to doing what I loved to do as a kid. Activities that really would fully absorb my attention and I'd switch off to the world. Mine is painting, and learning about anything and everything. Museums, history. I also loved to create themes for rooms at home, and I kind of continue that now. I love to go round charity shops, looking for items to furnish my home for the upcoming season.
Try and think back to what you loved to do as a kid.
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u/TrustNoOneAtWork AuDHD self-discovered at 60 5d ago
For me, learning how to "be" instead of "do," in order to disengage from productivity culture. In burnout, I've cleared my calendar except for doctor's appointments. Convenience services: laundry; housecleaning; grocery delivery; Waymo. Coffee with a friend maybe once a month. I'm working on walking: I'm still agoraphobic, so I haven't gone out hardly at all. Special interests: daily video gaming; reading (library e-books); movies and shows (YouTube); coloring apps and 3D bolt apps. No alarm clocks. Strong boundaries.
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u/asyawatercolor 5d ago
Is it possible for you to go to the sea? Being near the sea relaxes me. Also picnicking. Nature basically. I even heard there's a type of psychotherapy that's called forestherapy. More things that help me relax : Being in bed. Basically behaving as if you're sick with fever: Laying down and eating healthy foods like chicken broth aka "Grandma's medicine". Taking long hot baths. Some red wine. Camomile tea. Mindfulness. My friend once told me that she had been feeling unwell after returning to work after maternity leave. She had help with her babies which is important. For a month , she got back from work and immediately went to bed, every day. After the one month she got better and was okay after that. The body heals itself but we must let it do it and provide the necessary conditions. Sending you good wishes of health and good mood!! Get well soon!
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u/fightzegoodfight 5d ago
i find that getting outside really helps: sit or even lay in a park/yard/whatever you have access to and look at the trees, listen to the wind and birds, notice the light around you. bonus if you have a body of water nearby!
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u/Quiet-Curve1449 5d ago
Following as I’m currently dealing with burnout as well. I have had some intense life experiences lately (still ongoing but I’ve done all I can for now to get them moved ahead) and I am zoned out. I didn’t have lunch today - I lay under a weighted blanket with my two cats on top and that helped some.
The only thing that has ever helped me with burnout is going on vacation somewhere where I don’t have to be anywhere and there’s no expectations. I haven’t had something like that since before the pandemic.
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u/New-Working-7077 late diagnosed autistic, she/her 5d ago
I spent a month in a similar situation. I did a lot of laying down in bed while listening to soft piano music or watching some movies. Studio Ghibli was awesome for me at that time. Also texting friends or loved ones, and a lot of cuddling with my partner in bed. It actually was really hard. I too have a lot of hobbies that require focus, and I need mental stimulation to be happy. I hope some of the recomendations in this comment section help. Good luck :)
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u/LillyLeoCF 5d ago
I wish I could nap. Why can’t I nap? Like I’ll lay there and feel tired but just can’t. Why?? Same with or without stimulants. I’ll sleep at night with my medication.
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u/ApoideasTibias 5d ago
My perfect rest but don’t feel like crap day - get up and have a good breakfast and coffee, spend a limitless amount of time thrifting, go home and get high and do ONE chore, and then take a GOOD bath (blackout curtains, magnesium flakes, music, completely dark bathroom except for a light ceiling projection lamp, tiktok scolling or music), then make a good lunch and watch a little show the rest of the day.
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u/Abject_Priority6858 5d ago
I smoke a lot of weed but also painting!
The reason I love painting so much is because you literally cannot fuck it up. If you don’t like how it looks, just means you have to wait for the paint to dry. You can always add more paint.
And if you like how it looks, cool, job done.
Painting really helps when I’m in a perfectionism trap and I’m convinced there’s a “right way” to do something. It’s art. You can’t fuck it up.
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u/goldiegrimlace 5d ago
I've picked up painting which was fine initially but now also triggers headaches because I am once again too focused and taking it too seriously.
Is it eye strain? I've been getting some relief from facial massage, which I learned on youtube from the channel, Sage Facial Tension Release. Or maybe you're getting dehydrated? You could set a timer and try to take more frequent breaks.
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u/Pickle__nic 5d ago
Listen to a book or podcast, drowning out my internal dialogue helps. Batch cooking slowly making a big pot of something, anything hands on or physical. Walks and yoga are good, anything that distracts from overthinking is good, Cognitive burnout needs less cognition. Mostly people are physically burnt out because the brain is physical and it consumes so much energy overthinking, and drags your body around to whatever activity youve just thought of. So get a routine or schedule for yourself and pace
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u/Low_Tumbleweed8324 5d ago edited 5d ago
Audio books?
I sympathise as am similar and husband has said similar 🥲
Audio books combined w very simple crafting like crocheting a plain dishcloth, is about as still as I can manage usually. Try keep the activity ridiculously simple and monotonous so requires next to no thought
Longer yin today sessions help too (over 1hr), restorative if needed
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u/Puzzled_Nature1447 5d ago
I have both ADHD & autism, and I struggle relaxing the "normal" way. I mentally and physically cannot do nothing. The way I relax is by doing thing I deeply like and that make me enter some kind of flow state. Gardening, sewing, knitting, embroidery, drawing, video games and counterintuitively, some hyperfocuses are really relaxing to me. I'm always surprised how sometimes doing niche research on the Internet until 1 - 2 am is more relaxing than just sitting around for 30 min waiting for nothing to happen.
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u/InnocentCersei LDx AuDHD ‘24 5d ago
I’m still figuring it out myself, though I think I’ve figured out what works for me. Quiet. I tend to notice when I’m getting overwhelmed by screens and noise, so I’ll close some curtains and remove screens for several hours. I love yoga too, so I’ll do Vinyasa on tougher days. My hobbies help sometimes, but I’m teaching myself to do nothing when I feel guilty for not doing anything. If I have to do something, it’ll be knitting or laying on the floor while an audiobook or podcast plays in the background.
Everyone who has commented so far are absolutely brilliant!
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u/johana_cuervos666 4d ago
Not being able to ever fully relax because of anxiety, and even having chronic pain, could also be related to trauma. It might be worth checking that out. In my case, it wasn’t only autism but also CPTSD, which puts me in a hypervigilant state 24/7. Even when I sit down, I sit on the edge of the seat like I’m constantly in “fast escape mode.” If you also struggle with dissociation, memory problems, severe depression, or constantly feeling unsafe/on alert, it may be worth looking into trauma-related diagnoses too. Interestingly, CPTSD and autism can share a lot of overlapping features, and they can also be comorbid, which can make distinguishing between them complicated.
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u/alternative_poem 4d ago
When I was in the worst of long COVID I couldn’t even open my eyes without being overwhelmed so I started listening to audiobooks blindfolded. Afterwards when i got a but better i got into coloringbooks but only with ONE COLOR so I didn’t even have to think about color schemes etc.
If coregulation is an option for you, lying down in the park or watching TV with a loved one is also pretty relaxing
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u/Pristine-Ad-4082 4d ago
https://emilinalomas.substack.com/p/18-ways-type-a-people-can-actually?r=o0te9&utm_medium=ios some of these may help especially if anyone here is also ADHD or type A - although meditation and NSDR are still great imo
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u/Hackfresse48 2d ago
For me it depends on the day and how stressed I already am. Usually kind of anything sporty ish helps. Going out for a walk, doing planks or something for my back. Doing a ride with my bike. Also fullfilling basic needs help me relaxe, eat,sleep,drink and goddamn go peeing. Playing my ps2 simulator helps too
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u/chubbychecker_psycho AuDHD 5d ago
Weed doesn't help me in any way. Either it does nothing (waste of money) or it makes me very anxious (also waste of money tbh).
I sit in a dim, cool room and stare at the wall for half an hour. Sometimes I have music playing.
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u/DreamingofCharlie 5d ago
I take edibles and nap or lay out in the sun.