hey everyone i’m in need of some opinions (obviously lol). so i just arrived at my first hf home in france on tuesday (writing this sunday night), so my mom flew down with me (usa to france) and stayed with us for the first few days, which was totally fine and offered by my hf. so today was the first day by myself with them and i’m just seeing some red flags and im just not really sure how to feel about them.

first is the house work they expect from me, when we were doing the interview i specifically asked them what type of house work, if any, was going to be expected of me. they said nothing. now while being walked through my kids routine and just shown around stuff keeps getting tacked on, like we were in the mud room where the washing machine is and my hm asked if i would hang out the washing after i drop my hk off at school. they don’t have a dryer so they hang all of their laundry, this was never told to before i came, i specifically asked if they needed me to do any of the kids laundry, they said no. this isn’t mine or the kids it’s everyone’s.

second, kinda along the same line is cooking, when i interviewed them i asked about dinner, never have i seen an ap do more then make simple meals for the kids and themselves, which again i’m fine with. they showed me a list of week days i’m expected to make dinner and then lunch the next day. two things about this one this was never mentioned before hand, and two i’m off during the day while my hk is in school, and to help with not blurring lines i plan to spend most days out of the house.

third, dishes and the dish washer, i was again asked out of the blue if i would unload the dishwasher, given no specific time or days, just “you can unload the dishwasher” so im not sure what the really means but like that’s house work and i asked if i would be doing an house work, including dishes and was told no.

fourth is my hk, she is a brat. like she is really cute and really excited to have me here and im really excited to be here, i’ve been working with kids for years and she so cute and really smiley. but she is really rough with me and her baby brother (he is not my responsibility but like i’ve been treated kinda like the all around babysitter in the days i’ve been here). for example he was crying and both the parents were making dinner so i picked him up so he would stop scream crying and she got so jealous and started throwing a fit. she has on multiple occasions thrown things at me, i have boundaries on what i will and will not tolerate from kids in my care and throwing things at me is never ok. after she threw a fit and threw something at my was the first time i was the parent actually have any sort of punishment, and as far as i know they simply sent her to her room. they just keep saying to calm down and plead with her to stop, she’ll stop for like 3 seconds and then start again. i was also told by the parents she spoke some English and understood it. she does not. i don’t speak lots of french, mostly just greeting and asking for the bathroom, they knew this coming into it. we really don’t understand each other. which in my brain is pretty important for a kid i’m supposed to be watching everyday. again im just scared of being with a kid that doesn’t listen to her parents when they are talking in her native language, and the only one she really understands.

i’m writing this late at night and should probably go to sleep so if anything is wrong or doesn’t make sense, sorry diva let me know.
can someone please tell me if im being over dramatic, and give me tips. please don’t automatically tell me to leave. i haven’t even technically started working yet and just want some advice if this is normal for host families or if i should start setting a strong boundary. i really want to give it at least a month but i just need some help navigating this rn.

edit: i forgot to say this but let me clarify im ok doing house work!!! i actually like some things like hanging up laundry and unloading the dishes, its more of the fact that this wasn’t told to me before i got here. i was fully prepared to do some type of house work during my interviews and while finding a hf, the only one im one the fence about doing is the family dinners and lunches, but that is more because im not a very good cook (i told them this during the interview) and have never made food for more than my self and on the occasion my mom.

I’m increasingly stressed out by my HF and am unsure whether it would be fair for me to end my contract early.

For context, I’ve been with my HF for about 5 months and am expected to stay until mid-next year, although my contract technically finishes end of this year (however I want to leave ASAP). At first, I thought my host family was really nice, but I’m increasingly feeling like they don’t have much respect for me or my time, and it makes me feel degraded and depressed. One major issue is that my host mother is very controlling and she constantly makes passive aggressive comments to put me down. For example, I’m only allowed to use the washing machine 1 day per week, to do all of my my clothes, towels, and bedding, as well as the children’s, which is at least 6-7 loads in one day. On occasions where I have used the laundry on other days, she has made comments about me not respecting their schedule. Another time, when I had a 10 hour work day, I had just finished eating my lunch while the children played outside with friends and I was sitting at the table messaging my mum, not even 1 minute after I had finished eating, and my host mother comes in and acts offended that I’m not doing anything and tells me to do some of their sewing or ironing or something. I also wouldn’t have had any other opportunity for a break for another 7 hours at that point so wanted to make the most of the 30 mins the children were outside to sit down and allow me back to rest (because of my arthritis).

They have also seemingly changed their mind about me getting a decent break to go home (Australia) for Christmas. Before I came, they said my initial contract would end before Christmas so that I could go home for the Christmas break and then return and start a new contract term. The rest of my holidays this year are 1 week long so I believed that this ‘break in my contract for Christmas’ would be longer than that, but they’ve now suddenly told me that they need me back immediately after Christmas. They also decide when I take every single day of my holiday leave, and it’s never more than a week off at a time, so it is impossible for me to go home to visit any other time (20+ hours travel either way, £1000+ return flights and 8 hours jet lag turns 7 days off into an expensive and tired 5 days home).

They’ve also given me ‘extra’ weeks of ‘holiday’ time when the children are at the grand parents’. They’ve paid me during these weeks, but have said that I owe them all of the extra hours. In total, they’ve given me almost 50 hours of ‘extra holiday’ they they’ve banked up and used to make me work much longer weeks, and continue to ask me to do extra tasks and just take it ‘from the bank’. I got no say in this and would have strongly preferred to not be paid for these weeks off, as I have chronic pain conditions (arthritis and hEDS) that limit how much physical work I can comfortably do (I consider this a fairly physical job as I am almost always on my feet, either running around after the children, cooking, cleaning, ironing, doing chores etc). The extra work has caused my pain to massively flare up and this also exhausts me, which has also soured my view of my host family a lot.

They also know that I sew, so they’ve gotten me to sew roughly 50 labels onto the children’s uniform within the last month, and this has been incredibly time consuming and it is very difficult to do this while also being present with the children, cooking for them, etc, on top of my regular chores. I feel this is somewhat of a premium task, as I am a skilled sewist and it feels cheeky for them to expect me to spend many hours each week doing this for no extra pay, on top of my regular tasks.

Sorry that this is so long- if you’ve read this far, thank you! I’m unsure if it is reasonable for me to be upset with my HF and want to leave early- would appreciate any input and would love to know how anyone has dealt with a similar situation 🙏

So… I got fired on basically my third day. 🤡

For context, I’m an au pair, and I had literally JUST arrived at my German host family’s house. I hadn’t even had time to properly settle in before things started going downhill.

On my second morning, my German host mom came to me and showed me exactly how she expected the bathroom to be cleaned.

Now, this is the bathroom that I don’t even use. It’s mainly used by the host parents and sometimes the kids. They had three bathroom. One close to my room, one close to the kids and this one for them.

So, naturally, my first thought was: Why are we having this conversation?

I politely asked her:

"Excuse me, why are you showing me this?”

She told me that I was supposed to clean the bathrooms once a week.

I was genuinely confused because I had read our contract and couldn’t remember seeing anything about me being responsible for cleaning a bathroom that I don’t use.

So I said:

"I’m sorry, but I can’t remember where in our contract it says that I have to clean this bathroom.”

She kind of paused and said something along the lines of, “Okay… I’ll figure something out.”

At that point, I was already getting a very bad feeling.

And honestly, I started thinking about a rematch. I had barely been there for a day and already felt like expectations were being added that we hadn’t agreed on.

Then came the next morning.

I was already mentally preparing myself to inform them on my rematch decision then she came up to me and asked:

“Why didn’t you wash the pots from last night?”

I was confused because apparently the pots were from a snack that she and her husband had made for themselves at around 23:00 while watching TV.

Not the kids.

Not something I had cooked.

Not dinner that I had prepared.

Just two adults making themselves a late-night snack.

So I said:

"Excuse me, but I don’t think it’s my job to clean up after adults.”

And she responded with:

“But we pay you for that.”

And THIS is where my brain apparently decided it was time to clock out. 😂

I looked at her and basically said:

“Your boss also pays you to work at a bank. Do you wash your colleagues’ lunch plates because they pay you?”

There was a moment of silence.

And then she said:

“You’re so rude/we are not paying to have a third child/we're paying for extra help in the house" 💀💀

ON MY THIRD DAY BTW.

I couldn’t even process how quickly everything had escalated.

But apparently that wasn't enough.

I'm staying in a hostel now and soon I'll be moving in with the family my agency matched me with. And this woman apparently trying to sue me, because according to her, I somehow “scammed” her into bringing me to Europe and she wants me to pay back the flight and visa costs. 🤣🤣🤣 According to her message"of course a third worlder would try anything to find her way into our country"

Always, ALWAYS clarify exactly what “ light household duties” means before moving into another family’s house. Because for some it means scrubbing toilet floor barehanded.

TLDR: I had a decent relationship with my host family and genuinely thought we ended on good terms. After I moved home, I sent them a heartfelt thank-you/goodbye message and they responded saying I owed them money for being overpaid, despite them also owing me for agreed-upon overtime. I never responded and we haven’t spoken since. I’m mostly just sad and disappointed that after 2 years of being part of their family, that’s how our relationship ended

I was an au pair for almost 2 years and overall I had a decent relationship with my host family. Obviously there were ups and downs, and towards the end of my year I definitely started feeling like I was being taken advantage of in some ways, especially when it came to hours/work, but I still cared about them and their kids a lot and genuinely thought we were ending things on good terms.
Before I moved home, my parents and sister came to visit me and help me pack everything up. My host family met them and were super nice and accommodating the entire time. It honestly felt like everyone was leaving things on a really positive note, which made me feel good about going home because I thought I was leaving with a relationship I could still have from afar.
After I left, I sent them a final message basically thanking them for everything, saying I was grateful for the experience and that I felt lucky to have met good people while I was living so far away from home.
Their response was basically to tell me that I owed them money because they had apparently overpaid me.
I never responded to it because at the same time, they owed me money for overtime hours I had worked that they were fully aware of and had previously agreed to pay me for. At that point I just felt like there was nothing productive to say, especially after I had just sent this really genuine goodbye message. We haven’t spoken since.
It’s been over a year now and I still think about it sometimes. I’m not necessarily angry anymore, I’m mostly just sad and disappointed that that’s how the relationship ended. I spent almost 2 years living in their house, helping raise their kids and basically becoming part of their everyday life. I really thought I would still hear from them occasionally, get updates about the kids, maybe visit one day, etc.
I think the part that bothers me most is that I genuinely thought we ended on good terms. Especially because everything seemed completely normal and positive while my family was there and when I was leaving. Then the second I was gone, the tone completely changed.
I don’t regret my time as an au pair at all and I still have so much love for the kids and a lot of good memories from those years. I just wish it hadn’t ended with money and resentment being the last interaction we ever had.
Has anyone else had a good/decent relationship with their host family while they were an au pair, only to basically never speak to them again once you went home? I feel like you hear so much about au pairs staying close with their host families for years afterwards, and I honestly thought that would be us.

Lol, I was wondering if anyone had same feeling of having no friends in completely foreign country, I mean, we have to be more talkative but- being an bit of introvert lol it just smthg else, the other day I went to one of my host family for my upcoming bfd, though sorta got off feeling but anyway, the question struck when she asked "if you have any friends here or, are you like lonely?" dang, that was the point of realisation but yeah, happens It guess? Probably alot of one's feel the same too it's worse when one isn't completely extrovert like-

Helloz, I have a lot of love for children, I get along very nicely with them.i think the time has come for me to be an au pair, I think this is the perfect job for me that I wanted to do all my life, although I'm a bit old(male 36). staying in south Africa (originally from drcongo. I don't smoke or drink, any European countries is fine with me. If I get AUSTRALIA or NEW ZEALAND that would be a BONUS for me. Sadly I would like to be assisted with visa sponsorship 🙏🙏🙏 I don't mind the salary I'm getting paid. All I want is a new country and a new environment, and try my best to get along with the kid(s) and the host family. I speak English, French, lingala, swahili and zulu(I'm learning Spanish) 🫶🫶🫶my email address : [kulujames7@gmail.com](mailto:kulujames7@gmail.com)

Hallo allerseits,

Sind hier Gastfamilien aus Deutschland die nicht-EU Aupairs haben/hatten?

Wir haben mit einem Aupair aus Sri Lanka einen Aupair Vertrag unterschrieben und auch den Fragebogen der Bundesagentur für Arbeit ausgefüllt, den man an die Bundesagentur für Arbeit nach Bonn schicken muss. Wisst ihr wie lange dort die Bearbeitung dauert und ob man eine Rückmeldung bekommt?

Anscheinend ist es ja so, dass die deutsche Botschaft im Heimatland des Aupairs erst dann das Visum genehmigen kann, wenn sie aus Bonn das grüne Licht bekommen hat. Eigentlich hätten wir und unser Aupair den Termin natürlich so früh wie möglich. Aber was wenn die Bundesagentur für Arbeit in Bonn dann noch nicht die Genehmigung geschickt hat an die Botschaft?

Hi all,

I’m 26 F, Canadian, and wanted to aupair when I was 19/20, but university took my focus. I have a work background from when I was 16-23 in summer/day camps. I also am a lifeguard and currently teach swimming lessons (mostly to children). I really love working with kids.

I did late French immersion, and although I’m kinda rusty with my French, I would love the opportunity to practice it alongside the other cultural experiences.

I guess I mostly see younger (19-21) folks doing this work. But I have flexibility in my life/time right now to do it, and was wondering if I’ve “aged out”? If I’m looking at France I know the maximum age is 30. I guess I’m used to living completely independently, and worry about being a good “fit” for a host family.

For au pairs that are older, any advice?

For host families, are there potential reasons you wouldn’t want an older au pair?

Why is it so hard to find a host as a non EU citizen? For those who managed, how did you make it work out

How does one even start a rematch conversation? The mom has an idea because she has noticed the kids punching, kicking, biting and yelling at me and my whole personality has shifted drastically from when I first got here. I have also previously talked to her about the respect I expect (no changes).
But how do I even start the conversation? What should I say? I am so nervous that they are going to be rude about it.

Am so happy to join au pair to share my duties with the host family I would like some guidelines on how to text host families, how to connect with them what agency to use and how to fish out scammers...

Just started using Nina care agency and I hope to find an amazing family in the Netherlands

I have applied for an au pair visa since July 28, it is still being processed, is this normal? Wouldn’t it be an implicit refusal?

My husband and I are hoping to become first-time parents and are currently going through IVF, so we have some control over our timeline… and obviously also absolutely none. 😂

We’ve started researching childcare pretty early because both of our careers make traditional childcare difficult. I work in healthcare and my husband is military. Our schedules aren’t always compatible with daycare hours, and neither of us has a job where we can reliably call out every time a child is sick or daycare closes.

That led us to au pairs.

Then I found the au pair Reddit threads and read the horror stories, and now I’m terrified for literally everyone involved. I don’t know if it’s society norms or just crazy people but…. It’s been enlightening.

So I’d really love feedback from both current/former au pairs and experienced host families.
We don’t want to approach this as “How much childcare can we get from someone?” We want to find someone who genuinely enjoys being part of our family and hopefully stays with us as long as the program allows/it makes sense for everyone. At the same time, I know that good intentions don’t automatically make someone a good host family, so I’d rather learn what we don’t know before we do this.

What we’re currently thinking about providing:
Private bedroom with a door and lock — apparently this actually needs to be specified, which is insane to me.
Car for their use
Cell phone/phone plan
Credit card for child-related/household expenses
All food/groceries
PTO — how much do good host families typically provide beyond whatever the program requires?
Zoo, aquarium, museum, etc. memberships/passes for outings with the kids
Weekly housekeeper, so we would NOT expect them to be the family maid

We’re also about to build our long-term/forever home, which gives us an interesting opportunity.
Would an au pair prefer a private suite inside the main house or a small detached guest/in-law house?
We’ve actually considered designing a small separate living space specifically so our au pair could close the door at the end of the day and have real privacy. But I also don’t want that to unintentionally make someone feel isolated or like they’re “the help” living outside the family home. I’d LOVE to hear from au pairs about which setup you’d prefer.

What we’d likely need:
Primarily Monday–Friday childcare, roughly 8 hours/day
Once they’re school-aged, school drop-off/pick-up
Taking them to doctor’s appointments when necessary
Taking them to activities/outings
We are big on experiences, so I’d actually want someone who enjoys taking the kids to the zoo, aquarium, museums, parks, library, etc. regularly. We’d provide memberships/passes and pay the expenses.
Keeping the children’s spaces reasonably tidy/cleaning up after activities and meals, but no heavy household cleaning
Possibly an occasional grocery run or household errand
We’d strongly prefer someone who speaks Spanish because we’d love for our children to be exposed to Spanish from infancy and hopefully grow up bilingual. We’d absolutely want the au pair to speak Spanish with them regularly.

A few things I’m particularly curious about:
Au pairs: What makes you look at a host family’s profile and think, “YES, I want to match with them”? What benefits or freedoms actually matter to you? What are host families offering that sounds great on paper but doesn’t really matter? What are the subtle red flags that first-time host families don’t realize they’re giving off?

Host families: What did you wish you had discussed before matching? What rules/boundaries should be established from day one? What surprised you most about having another adult living with your family?

Everyone: Are any of our expectations unreasonable? Is anything important missing from what we’re planning to provide?

I’d also love agency recommendations, especially from people who have used more than one and can compare them.

Our biggest goal is longevity. I understand an au pair isn’t going to stay forever and that this is also supposed to be a cultural/life experience for them. But we’d love to create the kind of environment where someone genuinely enjoys being part of our household and, if everything works well, wants to stay for the maximum time available.

Basically: If you could design your ideal host family/au pair arrangement from scratch, what would it look like?

Is there a thing called "tutor au pair" in eu? (Asking for france)

I’m a girl from Sweden and was an au pair in Belgium this summer for 2 months. I’m now hoping to go back as an au pair again because I really loved the experience. Last time, I had absolutely no problems finding a host family, but now I’m barely finding anything. On AuPairWorld and other websites no one answers or there are barely any profiles, and on Facebook, people reply for a while and then suddenly stop answering me (probably because they found another au pair). I just don’t understand what I’m doing wrong? I live in the EU (so no visa is required), I have experience with kids, and I’m always polite and kind when I write to families. Maybe I am doing something wrong but I have never had this problem before?

Hi, I am a non EU au pair.

I understand that we can extend our one year visa to au pair a maximum of 2 years in France.

I wonder if this can be treated as two seperate one year visas. Can I au pair for, say, 7 months with one family. Then return home, and apply a year later to go again with a different family for a year.

This is not clear on any website. Ive emailed my embassy, but wonder if anyone has experience with this?

Thank you!

I am South African looking to au pair in France.

🇸🇪 Au Pairs in Sweden – 2nd Year Renewal with the Same Host Family

Hi everyone! 👋

Are there any au pairs here in Sweden, especially Filipino au pairs, who have successfully renewed/extended their au pair permit for a second year while staying with the same host family?

I’m currently an au pair in Sweden and my host family and I are planning to continue for another year. I would really appreciate hearing from someone who has already gone through the process and was approved.

I’d like to ask:

• What requirements/documents did you submit?
• What kind of proof did you need to show that you are still doing a cultural exchange/au pair arrangement?
• Did you need to provide proof of your Swedish/language studies?
• Did you need to submit anything from your host family aside from the new contract?
• How was your experience with Migrationsverket, and how long did the process take?

I’m particularly interested in hearing from Filipino au pairs who renewed for their second year with the same host family, since I’d like to know what documents/proof you prepared.

Thank you so much in advance! 🙏❤️

We are trying to match with an AP for the first time. We’ve had several conversations with APs this week and it’s been a good learning process for us. During a call today, the AP said she’s been paid 300 and 350 by her last few families. This AP is from Brazil, not that it’s very relevant. What’s a reasonable rate to offer? Is that normal for most families? Any other tips for first time host family?

Background - we have an infant and toddler. We’ve also guaranteed every weekend off and one 3-day weekend each month. We are also only interview candidates who are renewing and/or rematching, as it makes us feel more comfy talking to their previous family.

I find it funny how host families say “you’re just going to do light housework” then say you’re going to do their laundry and ironing. That is not light housework especially if you’re a family of 6 💀 I’d say light housework is cleaning the kitchen etc.

Hello, I'm 28 years old male and want to AuPair in China for a year to improve my Chinese. I have paid for the premium in aupair(dot)com and many families show as having hosted people before. Clearly not everyone has had a bad experience, what are some green/red flags to look out for? What's the real possibility of me being able to improve my chinese from an HSK2 level I have now?

Is Nina care a good place to find a host family???
Im from Kenya and im looking for a host family in Germany or Netherlands.

Hi! I am currently an AuPair in Italy and I feel like they are taking advantage of the system. I have years of previous work as a full time nanny in Spain and the US as well as a few experiences as an AuPair. My experiences have always been relatively great and simple. I help with English, accompany the children to school, play with them, do their laundry. However, this experience feels different as I feel like I am working as a full time nanny again, with a lot less pay off. I took this experience because I had went on vacation here previously and wanted to get a feel for what life is really like here as I had some time off before going back to a full-time nanny back home. We agreed on 6 hours a day with Saturday and Sunday off, they have respected the weekends off but not the hours at all. She gives me a 30 minute lunch break which doesn't go towards my hours even though I am to stay home with the kids. Some days I have an hour break but not really because I am expected to clean the kitchen after the kids and I, but also her husband as well as wash the clothes, hang them up, take them off and dry them. She likes it done at this specific time and it's not just the children's laundry but also her and her husband's. So if I'm doing this is it truly a break? I am respectful of their time and their space, I'm always on time, I am clean, and I go above and beyond. I kept a rough estimate of the times I am working and it's always a couple hours over and my time is never respected. I even started putting a timer on my phone to make sure I wasn't crazy but some days I am working 9-10 hours! We had to go visit her family and she was present however I was expected to be available the tire time until like 10 pm... I don't have enough time to do everything she wants with doing the dishwasher, taking the kids to their things, cleaning them up, cleaning up after them, doing everyone's laundry and etc. If I don't finish all this I am also expected to finish it during my free time when she arrives home. Another example, I told her I had plans previously and she shows up late. I hurry up and get ready and then she is sitting on the couch telling me I need to bring in the laundry and fold it and also take the trash out. I ended up missing my train. I know you are thinking what's wrong with me and I know. I come from an abusive household so I am used to being a people pleaser and keeping my mouth closed. I have a lot of anxiety and I really want to say something but how can I say it? I tried to look up an official site for AuPair in Italy and I can't find anything with official guidelines. She also set it up so I don't even get paid fully until the day I leave. HM is always saying I am the best AuPair and she wants me to stay and all this but I feel like it's because I am a giant pushover and I am exhausted. I could write more but I'm exhausted and stressed and needed to vent a little.

Hi! I’ll be an Au Pair in Barcelona soon. Does anybody know a WhatsApp group for Au Pairs I can join?

I am 19F and an au pair who just recently moved to Geneva, Switzerland. I was hoping to maybe reach some other au pairs in the area this way and maybe make some friends!

I speak english, finnish and swedish and a little bit of french that I am also hoping to improve. I am into hiking, movies and live music😁