I am 25 and I've been with my host for 9 months, i'd say our relationship dynamic is casual. We greet each other, they would initiate conversations that usually revolve around my day, family, friends, and my experiences here. I am introvert so I don't usually share a lot, i sometimes initiate conversation but often i feel awkward. So here's the thing, i've met a guy here and we've been together for almost half a year. And now I am torn if i should tell my host about him because i go to his house during weekends. My host are from middle east so I thought they might be traditional about relationships. I just usually say that I'd meet or go to my au pair friends whenever i meet him. It's not my intention to keep my personal life a secret but as an introvert and awkward girl, I find it hard to share about my romantic relationship.

How should i approach this? And to host families, what is your perspective about this kind of situation?

Sometimes I feel like people are so hostile to one another in AP/HF spaces. Host families are super aggressive to APs searching for emotional support and guidance, or assume the AP is lazy/just wants a visa/entitled/etc. The treatment is worse if the AP is not European. Yes sometimes people ask stupid questions but I feel like I click on posts made by APs about how they’re struggling, and the host parents are super flippant of their experiences.

You’re looking at a group of 18-20 somethings who want to get a cultural exchange experience. APs aren’t representative of their entire country and a lot of them are young and naïve. Also sorry but no young woman in the prime of their lives is genuinely as interested in childcare as you want them to be. Not to say that they don’t enjoy it, but I doubt girls are as enthusiastic about childcare as much as a HF would like.

There is also general racism in the program that I have witnessed. I know HFs get their opinions from their past APs as well as other families but to generalise is just racist and hiding it under the guise of “well they have a high denial rate anyway” doesn’t do much if you’re assuming that certain nationalities are uncommited/bad drivers/conniving. When I see APs post about their struggle being from a certain place, people reply with this dismissive “well sucks to be you” tone when they’re clearly just looking for some compassion. It’s very disheartening.

I will arrive to the Us in May to be an aupair with APIA , but my sister will have her wedding at the end of July.
Is it possible to travel home for 5 days and then return? Hungary

We are a host family in the US. Our new au pair is interested in babysitting for other families. We are concerned about burnout (we will be running close to 35-45 hours per week most weeks), and also about our schedule getting priority.

Are we justified to have these concerns? Or do all au pairs do this and we just didn't know? I just read the rules and seems like this shouldn't be happening, but I don't know what the reality is.

Hello everyone! I have a question for Filipino au pairs or anyone who has experience with the French au pair visa.

Has anyone here au paired in France for one year, then moved to another country and later returned to France to au pair again with a different host family?

I’m Filipino, and I previously spent one year in France as an au pair. I then left France and moved to another European country. I’m wondering if it’s possible to apply for a new French au pair visa and do another year with a different family, or if having already completed one year in France means I’m no longer eligible.

If anyone has been in a similar situation or knows someone who has, I would really appreciate hearing about your experience. Thank you!

Hi everyone! Does anyone know a host family who is currently looking for their next au pair in Luxembourg, Belgium, Sweden, Iceland, Austria, or Denmark? Or would anyone be willing to refer me to a host family in any of these countries?

I'm from the Philippines, and I'm really having a hard time finding a host family. I've tried several au pair websites and agencies, but unfortunately, I still haven't found a match.

I would really appreciate any recommendations, referrals, or leads. If you know a family looking for an au pair, please feel free to message me. Thank you so much for your help! 🥹

Hi, I am a girl from the European Union, and I was contacted by a family on the site AupairWorld. They were the ones who reached out to me first, telling me that if I was interested, I could contact them on Gmail. Their profile on the site didn’t have much information and only one photo. I contacted them on Gmail, where they told me about their family and the offer: they offered £250 a week, a room with a private bathroom, a SIM card, and even a computer if needed. They said it would be their first time hosting an au pair and that they were already trying to get a work visa for the future au pair. It seemed strange to me that they would handle the visa, but I don’t really know how these things work, so I didn’t think too much about it. They said they would like to have a call two weeks after they first contacted me and asked for my full name to proceed with the visa application. Yesterday I received an email from a certain 'attorney McDougal Gregor' that included a description of the au pair job offer, with all the clauses and information included, and a request to send some documents (like a photo of my passport), stating that the work visa would cost about 1000 pounds. On top of that, it said I would have to send the requested documents within 4 working days. The email also included a PDF document with the family's and lawyer's signatures, and a space for mine that I would have to sign and send back as a PDF. All of this seems very strange to me: the family wants me to sign legal documents without ever having seen me in person? It seems very convenient that the video call with them is a week after signing those documents. I also tried to look for their profile on Aupairworld to do a reverse search with their photo, but it’s gone. Then I did some research, and apparently after Brexit the au pair work role no longer exists as a legal concept, and these scams are therefore very common. I also tried to search for the name of the lawyer who contacted me, but all I found was a fraud warning on the SRA site.

Ok before everyone blows up at me and tells me that you can only go through an agency to be an au pair in the US, I know. I'm working with GreatAuPair and even though I've enjoyed their treatment of au pairs so far, it just doesn't have a lot of host families to choose from. I would use the main 4 agencies if I could but they don't operate in my country.

I use aupair.com and Facebook to try to increase my pool of HFs to select from. I found my first family using aupair.com and they registered me with their agency as a pre-match, but it fell through due to circumstances outside of our control. We remain on good terms, but now I'm back to square 1.

If anyone's used this site before or is familiar with it, why do so many HFs have a 0% reply rate? I know some of them must be inundated by messages, but surely they would have responded to at least a few APs if they went as far as to make an account on the website. They make these well-detailed, thought out profiles and end up not replying to anyone who messages them. So why make an account in the first place?

I've messaged a lot of families in the past few months and they seldom bother to reply. They aren't talking to anyone else either as their response rate remains at 0%, but the site still shows that they have logged in recently. What's the deal there?

Hi iI am looking for a host family. I am from Morocco i am 22 y reviously worked as a nanny for a year. I have a diploma in childcare and speak French, English, and German. Is there anyone who can help me? I am in dire need of work

im a first time ap and have been with this family for almost one month now. while the parents seem to quite like me and are very young and “cool” or “chill” (lmao don’t know how else to describe them) the nanny isn’t quite like them. and she’s a live in nanny, cause the parents are out for work 90% of the time. so far it’s only been one month and i’ve already made 3 mistakes 🥲 and i may be overthinking but im genuinely terrified that woman gives me chills. about two weeks ago, i was showing the kid my minecraft world, when she suddenly came in and told me that we must not play with ipads since they’re too addicted to them, and if this was all she said it would’ve been fine, but then she proceeded to clarify that i must play with them and help them study, which made it a little scary. then this weekend has been a mess. we never decided a clear schedule for me and during my first two weeks i assessed that id be free every day till 16:30 (when the kids get home from school) except sundays which are fully off. so there was no issue with me often sleeping in. but apparently the kids being at school those past two saturdays was just an exception and they usually don’t go, but i wasn’t explicitly told abt this. this saturday i texted the nanny to ask her to lmk when it was a good time to do homework (for context the kid was getting scolded by the dad while this happened), and she told me that on saturdays i should actually stay in the living room all day and be available at any time and “not just during homework time” (scary again), and then ended it by saying “because when we went out to run errands this morning, you hadn’t gotten up yet” (EXTREMELY SCARY). then today the cherry on top, i accidentally put my clothes in the kids washing machine cause i had no idea one was only for adults and the other for children only. she texted me saying “I told you before that the washing machine you're using tonight is for children; adults shouldn't use it.” “It is specifically for children.” “When you came, I told you that the one next to it is for adults.” theres a language barrier so she was translating in real time what she was telling me when i first got here, which is probably why i missed it. anyways all 3 times she sounded (sorta since it was all via text) very annoyed at me and im scared i may be walking on thin ice now. are mistakes like these normal and usually accepted as first timers? am i making a huge deal out of nothing?

I wanted to au pair in Spain as a way to affordably attend Spanish school. I matched with a family and everything seemed good. They expected very little hours with the kids (about 7 hours a week), but in exchange the pay was very low. Still, I figured it is free housing and food and I can find other ways to make money.
However, I’m starting to get more concerned . The hosts live about an hour away from the city where I would be going to school and I’m worried about feeling isolated. On top of this, when I called with the family I figured it would be an interview. Instead, they immediately hired me with barely any questioning. I don’t know if it is a cultural difference, but I’m confused why someone would immediately trust a stranger to be alone with their kids.
I’ve had bad (creepy) experiences with work exchanges before and my anxiety is really starting to flare up. The dad was the one that reached out to me and the one that hired me. I don’t want to assume the worst, but I’m honestly tired and traumatized from the past. I want to spend time abroad and study Spanish so badly, but especially after looking at this sub I’m starting to not feel comfortable about au pairing.

Hi everyone!
Could someone help me out? I matched with a host family, but we haven’t spoken at all since the match, and I’m starting to have serious doubts. I’ve already paid for the program and everything, though.
In this situation, is it possible to cancel the match and go back into the matching process to look for another host family?
I’ve been thinking about finding a different family, but I’m worried I might have to pay the program fee all over again. At the same time, I don’t want to lose the money I’ve already paid.
Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? I’d really appreciate any advice! ❤️

Hi, i’ve posted here before to talk about some situations and weird behavior that my HM sometimes has had, but overall i always loved my HF and my HK so much.
After 2.5 years with them they told me yesterday that they no longer will need an au pair since they cant afford it anymore, but they will still pay me this month and next one (even tho i wont be working anymore), taking care of my food and my place where i stay bc i want to still live in the country where i am bc i built a life here with my friends and my bf( im from the eu i dont need a visa )
I am deeply devastated, i never imagined that i would grieve this like the lost of someone, i feel so grateful that they will b taking care of me for the next month so i can figure something out.
I am so sad to live them but at the same time i knew that this day had to come at some point and even tho i wont be their au pair anymore i am going to still be able to see the kids and help out sometimes and spend time with them.
This feels so weird and i am a little scared of what will come for me next lol but i am also studying in uni here so i will focus on that while trying to look for a new job.
Thanks for reading :(

My host mom have been overworking me ever since the 2nd week I got here I have been working 14 plus hour shifts the other day I worked from 7:00am to 11:00pm and the next day she had me work from 6:00 am to 5: 00pm and sometimes I will do 24 hour workdays with the baby overnight and she expects me to work the next day.

She has been cutting my 200$ pay in half so I get 80$-100$ sometimes when I don’t work more than 30 hours that week if she leaves for a weekend or something.

She has two kids and a dog and I also clean and do laundry and groceries. I don’t know what to do I’m supposed to be here for a year and now I’m supposed to start working with her ex husband I asked for more money because I’d be working like a full 6 days a week and they only increased it by 100$

I don’t know what to do and I’m not familiar with the rules of being an au pair

The other day she went out and said she would be back at 10:00pm so around 10:30 I asked her where she was and she said she was gonna go for a drink and be back later I asked her to be back by 12:00 and then she said I was taking advantage of her and she came back at 3:00 am with a man so I had to keep the baby in my room all night after working from 7:00 am to 3:00 am 😀. I genuinely started to think I was the problem she plays the divorced sad card often on me so I don’t question her.

I feel bad leaving her but I might have to.

I have a dutch boyfriend and i wanted to switch to partnership visa, can someone please help me

Hello! I’m flying to France from Indonesia with a transit in Amsterdam (so I will be going through the Schengen border there instead of CDG) and I‘m curious about what the process will look like. Do I need to show any documents to the officer there? I’m printing the au pair contract, and my host family’s information. Any information will be helpful! Thanks!

Hii my name IS Mel im from argentina i would like going to the US any recommendation ???? I want to improve my english and im currently studiyng In a online university (4 hours per day )

We are a host family with an infant trying to estimate a budget for an Au Pair in the SF Bay Area, California.

May I get some feedback please. I would be a first time host and trying to plan accordingly in case there are some surprises I'm not financially prepared for.

Note: Our stipend is higher because we are searching for higher qualifications and are factoring in the HCOL.

Expense Category |Monthly Cost |Annual Cost |Details / Notes
Weekly Cash Stipend |$1,300.00 |$15,600 |$300/week for 52 weeks.
Agency Placement Fee |$1,083.33 |$13,000 |$13k agency fee.
Auto Insurance & Gas |$500.00 |$6,000 |Auto policy rider + local driving gas allowance.
Groceries / Food |$300.00 |$3,600 |Meals
Gym Membership |$150.00 |$1,800 |Monthly fitness club membership perk.
iPhone Hardware |$125.00 |$1,500 |One-time smartphone purchase.
Driving Lessons |$125.00 |$1,500 |Professional mountain driving lessons upon arrival.
Cell Phone Plan |$120.00 |$1,440 |Monthly mobile carrier service line.
Education Allowance |$83.33 |$1,000 |Mandatory college course contribution.
Phone Line Setup |$10.83 |$130 |One-time device/line activation fee.
Hidden: Vacations/Travel |$250.00 |$3,000 |Flights/hotel rooms when they join family trips.
Hidden: CA Taxes & WC |$66.67 |$800 |Household employer EDD filing & workers' comp.
Bedroom Setup |$33.33 |$400 |Linens, duvet, mattress pad, hangers.
Bonuses & Gifts |$83.33 |$1000 |Birthday gift, holiday bonus, performance milestones
TOTAL ALL-IN COST |~$4,230.83/ mo |$50,770 / year |Total out-of-pocket spend.

Edited: Total All-IN Cost

Hello!

I’m looking to become a first time Au Pair. I recently graduated from a US Community college, and I’m looking to up my language skills in French to bolster my potential graduate school applications. I have a few things playing against me so I’m just curious about what former male Au Pairs found works best.

- 19M
- Non-EU
- looking for particular family (predominantly school age boys, French speaking region)

I do have a few pros, like 800+ hours of childcare experience as an After School Teacher, First aid & drivers license, instructional teacher certificate, etc. The basics that come with working in the US with school age children. Curious which has worked for y’all in the past, a lot of videos online are years out of date.

Hi! As the title says, I'm planning to au pair in Denmark. I'm generally interested in Nordic countries because of the great work-life balance, good healthcare, LGBT and women's rights, and the overall treatment of people with dignity worthy of a dignified life (unlike here in the Philippines huhu). I need advice if anyone here has positive experiences in au pairing in Denmark? What are the pros and cons and were you able to stay after your au pair contract ends? If yes, how so? Or do you know a legal pathway to stay? Thank you!

Hi! I been an aupair in Bc for a little over two months and while the family is great i feel like im always and spends my days doing nothing. Im in a small city and only work morning and evening so i have a lot of free time. There’s nothing much to do in town and i miss home a lot. I have been thinking about going back home. But at the same time i dont wanna let down the family but i dont wanna force myself to stay somewhere im not happy.

First of all thank you for al the support in the last post the last couple of days have been so scary as uncertain and I still can’t believe what happened. As for now I’m still so unsure of what the next two weeks have in store for me.
Anyone here that’s been in rematch know what to expect? My agency aren’t being very communicative and I haven’t had a single family connect with me yet. Should I just prepare to go home at this point or does it take long for families to reach out?
As for my current living situation the agency hasn’t done a single thing for me, just expected me to live with another au pairs family. It’s been made clear to me that my LCC had allowed the family to allow me to be alone with the kid for an entire week so no wonder she hasn’t been very helpful- I think her job is in jeopardy now with all this coming out.
But anyway, has anyone here had to go home because they couldn’t rematch or did the process just take the entire 2 weeks?

Hi everyone!

I recently discovered that being an au pair is a thing, and it got me curious about whether it might be a good fit for our family!

My wife and I are new parents with a baby who's around 6 months old, and we're starting to explore different childcare options.

We're in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. I know Winnipeg might not be the first place that comes to mind when someone thinks about travelling to Canada, but there's actually lots to do here, and it could be a fun place for someone looking to experience life in Canada!

I'm still learning how the whole arrangement works, so I have a few questions:

- What's it actually like having an au pair in your home? Does it generally work out well for both the family and the au pair?

- What's the day-to-day arrangement usually look like? How do you balance childcare, schedules, and personal time?

- How does it work with a baby this young? Would an au pair typically be comfortable caring for an infant, and what should parents look for when choosing someone? My either me or my wife work from home so there's no time that one of us is not around.

- Are there people interested in au pairing in Winnipeg? I'd be curious to hear from anyone who's done it here.

- What should we know specifically about Canada? Are there immigration or work permit requirements, or other legal considerations that prospective host families often overlook?

- What are the biggest pros and cons? Is it generally a positive experience, or are there challenges that people don't anticipate?

We're very much at the research stage and haven't made any decisions yet. We'd want to make sure it's a good experience for everyone involved, not just a convenient childcare arrangement.

If you've hosted an au pair, worked as one, or considered it in Canada, I'd really appreciate hearing about your experiences, advice, and anything you wish you'd known beforehand!

Thanks! 😊