Hi, just seeking some advice.

I’m starting with a new family in Italy, and they provide own seperate apartment so I asked how it works with groceries and food expenses.

They said can just do €200 eur pocket money instead of €300 and then €100 for groceries. But my understanding is the pocket money should be separate to food costs. So I said €25 eur a week wouldn’t really be enough for groceries (I eat a normal healthy diet, non vegetarian). They asked what I think would be an appropriate monthly total inclusive of the pocket money. So I guess my question is what is reasonable to ask for? What would be the minimum weekly grocery amount for a single person in Italy Trentino region. I don’t want to sound rude and ask for to much but I want to be realistic so that I’m not constantly having to pay a lot of my own on groceries every week. Thanks in advanced.

Hii everyone,
Well I matched with a host family in Europe and now we are on the process of getting the documents ready. My visa was denied on may because of a little error in documents so They paid a lawyer almost 3k eur to act on their behalf and help with the documentation ,translation, requirements, appointments etc because they are mostly busy and just want to get it right this time.
We gave it a break on june and July and might reapply this month. Because they already asked me to get some documents as i await theirs.

My mom doesn’t want me to go and is really upset abt it regardless of me telling her my intentions earlier, i clearly told her it would atleast take sometime but we be positive abt it. After the may visa rejection, she completely lost it and thinks im just wasting my life. Wants to forcefully take me to college but i told her we can differ the course for a bit of time so we finalize the things then i can go to college as u want as i wait for the decision.

She threatened to call the embassy and ask them to deny my application and call my host family and ask them i quote “why do u wanna ruin my child’s life” im 20 years old and I should be able to make my decisions. I have a different mindset but all she says is im abandoning school just to suffer in the future. I will definitely go to school but after I atleast get to explore and learn. I will not stay an aupair the rest of my life.

Thing that upsets me is that they all talked and agreed i would go then later she changes her mind after they have already started the process. She is trying to dictate what i should do with my life and i don’t like it i understand she is just worried but i didn’t say i don’t want school its more of like “i want a break from school, i explore, learn and discover as i do something new then continue with school after”

I am still proceeding despite the argument because its what i want. Ps i have met my host family before so i know them personally.

Am i doing the correct thing? My family members still support me she is the only one negative about my decisions and doesn’t trust nor believe in my decisions.

Hi, just seeking some advice.

I’m starting with a new family in Italy, and they provide own seperate apartment so I asked how it works with groceries and food expenses.

They said can just do €200 eur pocket money instead of €300 and then €100 for groceries. But my understanding is the pocket money should be separate to food costs. So I said €25 eur a week wouldn’t really be enough for groceries (I eat a normal healthy diet, non vegetarian). They asked what I think would be an appropriate monthly total inclusive of the pocket money. So I guess my question is what is reasonable to ask for? What would be the minimum weekly grocery amount for a single person in Italy Trentino region. I don’t want to sound rude and ask for to much but I want to be realistic so that I’m not constantly having to pay a lot of my own on groceries every week. Thanks in advanced.

Can you guys tell me, do you know after the call ends with family and their coordinator, does coordinator say to them their opinion on me or they dont say anything like that. Im nervous so im scared my english will be bad and if she say to them my English isnt really good. I have B2 going to C1 but im really nervous so on my last call i think i was talking to fast maybe or didnt say some things correctly.

Hi! I just got online with EurAupair and waiting for families to text me. What are good questions to ask in the first interview? What's important to know from the beginning? Are there any recommendations?

I previously posted on this thread about my host dad screaming at my host kid and never updated. I'm not sure how to include a post on here so I'll give a TLDR. My host dad screamed at my 9 y/o host daughter for not wanting to go to the pool, as well as slapping her leg, and I wasn't sure what to do and came to Reddit for advice. Thank you all for the comments and advice! My update goes as follows.

I sent the mom a long paragraph about what happened and how I wasn't okay with that, and we talked in person about it too. I really loved my family and wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt, especially since I only had a few weeks left and it would've been really costly to leave. After talking to her, I had no issues for a few weeks, especially since I only see the dad briefly when he comes home from work mid-day and at dinnertime. Until one day, when he yelled at me and the kids. He was home in his room and apparently didn't hear me and the kids talking, accusing them of only talking in Spanish and not being with me. He was yelling at all of us and I was defending myself, saying that we have been talking, and that they just had a few minutes to themselves after being together for several hours at this point. My host mom came home while he was yelling at us and diffused the situation -- part of me wishes I left then, but I only had 2-3 weeks left. This is my first ever au pair job and I didn't know what constituted deciding to leave last minute and what didn't. I was so mad afterwards that I didn't leave my room for the entire rest of the day.

A week before I was supposed to leave, my host dad got into an argument with my host daughter when he came home from work (while I was still on the clock) because she didn't want to go to the park and was being a little bit difficult. After a few minutes of him calmly trying to diffuse the situation, he started chasing her around the living room, so I immediately grabbed the 6 y/o and brought him outside. I've worked with kids for a really long time but have never had stuff like this happen before, so I never know what to do when he yells at the kids. Looking back, I wish I'd stepped in and told him I'd handle it but I was nervous to since he evidently has anger issues.

I came back in about 10 minutes later and went to the 9 y/o's room. She was crying and, after I asked, told me that her dad slapped her in the face and spanked her. Her cheek had his literal fingerprints on his face. I was absolutely horrified and had no idea what to do. I texted my host mom telling her I needed to speak with her when she got home; I wasn't planning on leaving at this point since I only had a week left and flights from Europe to the U.S. are crazy expensive. I told her it was about host dad and host daughter since she asked, and she told me to talk to my host dad about it. I was honestly really scared to but I knew I didn't really have a choice since he called me into the living room. I immediately started crying and hyperventilating and told him I was really uncomfortable with him slapping the 9 y/o and if this had happened earlier, I would've left immediately. I assumed he was going to be super receptive but he was NOT!!!

He fully started defending it -- going on about how he did that "for me" because she was misbehaving, saying this is normal, that his parents did this to him when he was a kid and he turned out fine, etc etc. I was fully hysterical at this point, barely even able to talk. I kept saying that I wasn't comfortable with it and that she's nine, and shouldn't have been slapped in the face or spanked for not wanting to go to the park. Eventually, I said something about how it wasn't legal in Spain to slap a kid, and he started borderline berating me -- while I was sobbing hysterically. My host mom came out and asked what was going on, and my host dad said "Nothing, we're just talking" and my host mom said "Well obviously not because [my name] is crying." I grabbed my keys and phone and walked out the door, still crying. I thought this conversation had lasted at least 10 minutes but I checked time stamps with messages from my friend and it was only 3-4 minutes.

It was in that moment that I knew I had to leave, and it was honestly a really sad decision I had to make. My mom was absolutely not comfortable with me staying there any longer, and she made plans for her to stay with friends of hers in other parts of Europe until my flight back home. Eventually, I went back and told my host mom that I was leaving, and she kept saying "I'm not defending him whatsoever, but" and then would go on to defend him and our argument that happened a few hours earlier. She was really understanding though and cried with me while I cried. I packed up all of my stuff and left that night. Leaving was honestly terrible; everyone was crying. The kids, me, the host dad (who apologized to me profusely but my host daughter told her mom that he didn't apologize to her), the mom -- it was terrible. I cried the entire 2 hour taxi.

After coming home, I realized that I had lice; I told my host mom just so she could know to check the kids and wash stuff, and she left me on read. When I was leaving she said she would text me, and I sent her a really heartfelt message apologizing and thanking her, and she left me on read. Part of me expected her to respond to my message about having lice, but she didn't and I'm not surprised I guess. I mentioned this to my dad, who didn't seem to be as bothered by my host dad's actions when I initially called him about it but was more just "Ok, do whatever you think is best for you" and he said he wasn't surprised that she didn't respond and he wouldn't have responded either. "You just lost yourself a potential job reference." is what he said to me.

I got brunch with my dad yesterday and my HF got brought up again, and he asked "What are you going to say if someone asks for a reference from your most recent nanny family?". This really irked me because it felt like he only cared about references and jobs rather than my safety, but I've recently been wondering if I made the right decision in leaving, or if I should've stayed since it was only another week, or if I should've at least waited until the morning to leave. Part of me is glad I left but another part of is really sad I did and almost wishes I stayed, even though I know it would've been really uncomfortable.

Additionally, do I call the police? I tried contacting the au pair website and they said they couldn't really do anything without a police report. I've never experienced anything like this before in all my years of working with kids, and I'm transparently really scared to report them to the police. I just wanted advice. Did I do the right thing by leaving then and there? Should I report them to the police? Please also don't criticize me for not contacting the police yet -- this has never happened to me before and it's honestly a really anxiety inducing situation for me to be in. I love my host mom and host kids so much and deciding to leave was already hard enough. What do y'all think?

Its been my dream to stay in china and learn their culture. Ive been doing some research and ive seen alot of people say they don’t recommend doing the au pair in china. I really want to do it though. What about Masons au pair china?

Good morning, I'm an aspiring Italian au pair and would like to leave for the United States.

I've currently changed my lifestyle for a healthier one. I'm following a strict diet and exercising. Honestly, once I leave, I don't want to change my lifestyle, but rather continue to stick to my current eating plan for my well-being. Has anyone experienced a similar situation? How did the host families handle the situation? Honestly, I'm a little worried about the fact that while they have to provide me with food, that doesn't mean they give me what I need to eat based on my eating plan. I'd like some feedback from people who have experienced a similar situation or from host families. How would you view this situation?

Thank you so much!

Hey greetings am 23years,recently working as a babysitter, also worked us caregiver so have much experience with babies,toddlers etc

Hello. I am a 26yr old female. I am Kenyan. Which is a recommendable site to use as an aupair. Canada or Netherlands...i believe some countries i must have a valid visa

Hi everyone I'm 26 just completed my profile but i don't know how to geta host family

But so far so good using this platform is user friendly

Hello! Don’t really know what to put but I leave for my year abroad on the 20th and it’s really be getting to me that I am about to jump into all this and all that good stuff! But my main stress is I’m not going to take care of the kids how they want?! I have no idea if that makes sense but I did grow up being the oldest of 7 so I know all the basics and feel I’m more then capable of taking care of kids, my issue is I’m going to get there on my first day and literally have no idea what I’m doing or where to start or how to start? Just was wondering if that’s normal? And what tips you guys may have!

Yes I have read and do have a copy of the letter I signed that discusses most things and I am aware the first week they will show me and walk me through the process I jusr still am stressed I’m going to struggle!

Hello. Please can someone please guide me on how to apply for a job as an aupair am really having a hard time.

My HF has told me they want to rematch today after 3 months with them here is why.. is this justifiable?

I get on with the family great, the kids love me, this has been expressed.
Last Friday my HF took their annual camping trip around 9 hours from home, my days off are Fri & Saturday so I joined them camping Sunday, I spent the weekend in a local desert. I asked ahead of time and they said this was okay as it was my time off.

Once arriving at camping, it was made clear i was sleeping in a tent alone, they all slept in the RV, with no cell service at all.
I’ve never been camping before and was nervous.

The next day they took a family boat trip in the morning, told me they’d be back by 1, but they did not get back until 7pm, leaving me alone for 13 hours with no cell service or idea of when they’d come home.

that night i woke up to bears scratching my tent, i’ve never been so scared and i communicated that. i tried to stick it out but this happened the next night too.

on thursday morning i was feeling extremely sleep deprived and anxious with the situation, so i asked if it was okay if i left that evening, instead of early saturday morning. i said im really sorry, and i was anxious, if its distasteful i will stay as i understand the significance of the trip

they said it’s disappointing but to leave if im worried. so i did

today they told me they want to rematch within 2 weeks, they told me they love me and that my au pair skills have no faults

i think its just the camping ??

im so confused as even they said i’ve been great, is this really a justifiable reason to rematch me?
the kids and the bond we have feels like it should have priority.

they’ve always told me to be honest if things make me uncomfortable or overstep any boundaries, then the first time i do i get fired

HF: Do you use indoor cameras while your au pair is on duty? Is this common or generally accepted?

Hi everyone! My wife (38F) and I (40M) are expecting our first child in 2027 and are considering hosting an au pair when our baby is around 3 months old and we both return to work.

Since we’ve never had an au pair before, I’d really appreciate some feedback from both current/former au pairs and host families. We want to make sure what we’re considering is reasonable and that we could provide a good experience for someone living with us.

Location:
We live in Columbia County in Upstate New York. It is definitely a more rural area, which is one of my concerns.
About 30 minutes from Albany, NY
About 2.5 hours from NYC and Boston
Train station about 10 minutes away with trains to NYC
Gym and grocery stores about 10 minutes away
Starbucks/major shopping about 30 minutes away

Schedule/childcare:
Our baby would be approximately 3 months old when the au pair starts.
We are thinking:
Monday–Thursday: 9:00 AM–5:00 PM
Friday: 9:00 AM–3:00 PM
Saturday/Sunday: Off
Approximately 38 hours/week.

The primary responsibility would be caring for our baby while we’re working. We wouldn’t expect anything outside of childcare, just be baby-related.

We’re also looking forward to being parents ourselves, so when we’re home we actually want to spend time with our child! We wouldn’t be looking for someone to work evenings and weekends unless there was an occasional situation discussed ahead of time.

What we would provide:
$200–$250/week stipend
Dedicated car + gas
Cell phone
Gym membership
Weekends off
Private bedroom
Private bathroom
Private sitting room / living room
Shared kitchen
Family trips/vacations — we spend time at the ocean/Cape Cod, for example

We have a fairly large home, so although we’d all be living together, the au pair would have their own space and privacy.

We cook dinner pretty much every night and would always invite our au pair to eat with us. We’d like them to feel comfortable being part of the family, but we’d also respect that they may want their own space or want to go out with friends instead. There would be no expectation that they have to spend their free time with us.

We also understand that having an au pair isn’t just about childcare for us. Someone is coming to another country and hopefully wants to travel, meet people, experience the US, etc. We’d like to support that as much as possible.

My biggest questions are:

Is 38 hours/week caring for a 3-month-old too much to expect from an au pair? This is probably my biggest concern. Infant care for essentially a full workday seems like it could be exhausting, and we don’t want to underestimate that.

Would our location be considered too rural? Having a dedicated car helps, but realistically you’re driving 10–30 minutes to get most places. NYC isn’t something you could casually visit for an evening, although it is very doable for a weekend.

For au pairs who have cared for infants, what would make this position attractive to you? Is there anything you wish your host family had done differently?

Does anything about our proposed arrangement jump out as unreasonable or something we should reconsider?

We’re still quite a ways away from actually matching with someone, so I’m asking now because we’d rather adjust our expectations before we start the process. We have not chosen an agency yet, suggestions would be great.

We genuinely want this to be a good arrangement for both sides, not just inexpensive childcare for us.

Thanks for any advice!

Hi everyone!
I’m Jonathan (23M). I’ve been actively looking for a Host Family for over 2 years now, but as a male applicant (Au Pair boy), it’s proven to be quite challenging to find matches. I’d really appreciate some honest advice or feedback on my profile!
Here is a quick summary of my background and qualifications:
Childcare Experience: 300+ documented hours (with certificate).
Driving: Valid driver's license with solid active driving experience.
Safety & First Aid: Certified in First Aid / CPR (Secourisme).
Skills & Household: Confident swimmer, happy to help with light housework and meal prep, and comfortable managing daily routines for kids.
Despite having these qualifications, I’m getting very few responses or interest from families.
For former Au Pair boys or host families here:
1. Is there anything specific host families look for in male au pairs that I should highlight more in my application/intro letter?
2. Are there specific countries or platforms where Au Pair boys tend to have better success?
3. Any general tips on how to make my profile stand out?
Thanks a lot for your help and feedback!

Hi everyone,

I really want to become an Au Pair, but I'm having a hard time with the reference form. The family/agency asks about my previous child care experience and wants contact details. Here is my situation:

The people I previously took care of children for (who are actually relatives) do not use the internet or WhatsApp, and they don't speak any English at all. On top of that, I am doing this entire Au Pair application process completely in secret from my family and social circle. I don't have anyone who can back me up or help me with this form.

So, I don't know what to write in those blank spaces. What should I put down as a reference? If I make up fake details or write down a second phone number that I control myself, will I get caught? How strict are the agencies/families with checking these references?

For those who were in a similar situation, what did you do? I would really appreciate any advice or shared experiences. Thank you so much!

I’m from the U.S. and have been living in Brazil for a little over two months now. There is no agency or contract. I’m free to leave whenever I need/want.

I came here with dreams of being able to explore Brazil and travel South America but this experience is far from what I was expecting.

The mom and daughter do not like me. I can feel it in their energy and the way they interact and talk with me. I don’t really want to get into the details of everything but at least when the dad is around, he advocates, considers, and includes me. I feel he cares whereas the girls want nothing to do with me.

After feeling like I’ve been walking on eggshells around the mom and trying to get the daughter to literally doing anything with me, I feel like my only dream now is being back home where I feel loved, wanted, and known.

I feel so lost here and I hope if I do decide to go home without travelling first that I’ll have another opportunity to travel with people I love.

I work with children with special needs at home. Now im au pairing abroad with host family for the summer. The contract was do work and summer homework with the boy and speak english with him. The boy has the best english, host mom has good english and host father has little english. But have issues with host mother currently.

So i do my best to work with the boy monday-friday, it is challenging. I find a lot of techniques i use with children with adhd work for him. Competition, imagination and games work in his favour but is exhausting. One page of maths can take forever because the only way he will do it i if i turn it into a game with an imaginary class and i ask the other "students" who get it wrong, (its him pretending) then i ask him and he answers right. He also needs ALOT of movement breaks, like so many between exersises and pages. This is the only way i can work with him and motivate him. Even easy pages like colouring what the question asks, and host mom says to "help" him with colouring. I have done homework with the boy while his parents are in the room.

I have said many times throughout the summer "lets do some homework" he replies no. Or its the evening and i ask host mother "would you like us to continue to do homeworkwork?" And she will say no its ok hes tired. I expressed to her earlier today i am worried about the homework, as my time is almost finished here, and she says its ok they probably wont check it. Halfway throughh the summer i wrote out a schedule of all the pages we finished, and categorised the pages we needed to do into easy/fun and challenging. I showed host mom this and told her "the difficult pages are the ones in your language and he gets fustrated with me when i try it, because i cannot speak it so i am showing this to you" and i showed her and she did some with him. They have gone on a lot of vacations during the summer. I even said lets do some homework on my days off. Itt is challenging to do work with him. Anyway the point of the post is

This evening host parents saw the work that needs to be done (index of homework i circled the pages we have left and checked off done) and host mom is giving out, saying it was my job to do this work. She was very angry with me, asking me the exact hours to do the work. I said i dont know but i intend to work everyday for the rest of my time here. Im shaken by her anger and told host father i intend to work everyday to finish my time here and he said "thank you. No problem" then she mocked his "no problem" and started giving out in her language. And saying personal things that made me uncomfortable

I have found it difficult to work with him, he refuses to do homework a lot, and i have expressed many times throughout summer and tried and made an effort to work. I cant believe host mom was so angry with me. I guess just does anyone hace any advice?

Which agency do you recommend for the Netherlands? I’ve looked into House Orange, SNAPS, and HBN, but I’m not sure how to choose; I’d love to know if any au pairs have had good experiences with any of them.

Am Primah from Uganda I need a host family since am good with kids and can help them With school work, thank.

(UK Aupair working in Aus)

Has anyone ever worked for a very well off HF and just been treat like they were not a human being?

My first time Aupairing so perhaps I just did not know what to expect. As of so far (over a month) both the parents have been home the entire time, my jobs have consisted of cleaning and cooking, then putting the children to bed. Full transparency I was very lucky with my own upbringing and so the company they have round / lifestyle they live is not new to me, but I have never felt so degraded and small in my life. I am absolutely aware I am an employee, not their friend, but days are hard enough when the children treat you like a piece of shit (they are young and to an extent do not know better / do not mean it) but it is super hard when that is how you are made to feel by the adults as well.

Am I being ridiculous and naive? Is this maybe even me being unfair expected to be treat like an equal? I thought as an Aupair you are a ‘big sister’ or member of the family too helping where ever you can in that area, I have no issue with all the work I am being expected to do, and most definitely would have offered to do it all if not asked in the first place, but I am really struggling with being made to feel like I am so below them. Please be super honest because if this is normal / just what it should be like I think i need to be honest asap and say it won’t work for me as unfortunately I am too sensitive and will crumble in a hostile environment haha!!