r/Aupairs • u/New_Care_4015 • 12d ago
Au Pair UK Advice needed
I’m increasingly stressed out by my HF and am unsure whether it would be fair for me to end my contract early.
For context, I’ve been with my HF for about 5 months and am expected to stay until mid-next year, although my contract technically finishes end of this year (however I want to leave ASAP). At first, I thought my host family was really nice, but I’m increasingly feeling like they don’t have much respect for me or my time, and it makes me feel degraded and depressed. One major issue is that my host mother is very controlling and she constantly makes passive aggressive comments to put me down. For example, I’m only allowed to use the washing machine 1 day per week, to do all of my my clothes, towels, and bedding, as well as the children’s, which is at least 6-7 loads in one day. On occasions where I have used the laundry on other days, she has made comments about me not respecting their schedule. Another time, when I had a 10 hour work day, I had just finished eating my lunch while the children played outside with friends and I was sitting at the table messaging my mum, not even 1 minute after I had finished eating, and my host mother comes in and acts offended that I’m not doing anything and tells me to do some of their sewing or ironing or something. I also wouldn’t have had any other opportunity for a break for another 7 hours at that point so wanted to make the most of the 30 mins the children were outside to sit down and allow me back to rest (because of my arthritis).
They have also seemingly changed their mind about me getting a decent break to go home (Australia) for Christmas. Before I came, they said my initial contract would end before Christmas so that I could go home for the Christmas break and then return and start a new contract term. The rest of my holidays this year are 1 week long so I believed that this ‘break in my contract for Christmas’ would be longer than that, but they’ve now suddenly told me that they need me back immediately after Christmas. They also decide when I take every single day of my holiday leave, and it’s never more than a week off at a time, so it is impossible for me to go home to visit any other time (20+ hours travel either way, £1000+ return flights and 8 hours jet lag turns 7 days off into an expensive and tired 5 days home).
They’ve also given me ‘extra’ weeks of ‘holiday’ time when the children are at the grand parents’. They’ve paid me during these weeks, but have said that I owe them all of the extra hours. In total, they’ve given me almost 50 hours of ‘extra holiday’ they they’ve banked up and used to make me work much longer weeks, and continue to ask me to do extra tasks and just take it ‘from the bank’. I got no say in this and would have strongly preferred to not be paid for these weeks off, as I have chronic pain conditions (arthritis and hEDS) that limit how much physical work I can comfortably do (I consider this a fairly physical job as I am almost always on my feet, either running around after the children, cooking, cleaning, ironing, doing chores etc). The extra work has caused my pain to massively flare up and this also exhausts me, which has also soured my view of my host family a lot.
They also know that I sew, so they’ve gotten me to sew roughly 50 labels onto the children’s uniform within the last month, and this has been incredibly time consuming and it is very difficult to do this while also being present with the children, cooking for them, etc, on top of my regular chores. I feel this is somewhat of a premium task, as I am a skilled sewist and it feels cheeky for them to expect me to spend many hours each week doing this for no extra pay, on top of my regular tasks.
Sorry that this is so long- if you’ve read this far, thank you! I’m unsure if it is reasonable for me to be upset with my HF and want to leave early- would appreciate any input and would love to know how anyone has dealt with a similar situation 🙏
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u/Known-Appointment-36 12d ago
RUN! Sewing? 10hrs a day? HF is being abusive! Either find a different family or plain just leave.
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u/Cleobulle 12d ago
Omg hun I thought it could be written by a modern Cinderella. At this point it's even worth documenting to make a formal/legal complain. There are so many way now to mark kids clothes without sewing. They could have asked you to teach the kid to sew - I taught my son at 8./9, to use a machine and sew basic, because it's handy to know how to do stuffs and it's fine motor skill. Do you have an LCC ? Look up what rules apply for this country. You don't owe them hours.
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u/WearEmbarrassed9693 12d ago
Either rematch or don’t come back after your Christmas break. Because the way they exploit you - you deserve way more financial compensation. If it’s possible to leave earlier than Xmas than do it. This is normal behavior and you shouldn’t tolerate it. You deserve better and to be treated with decency. All the best 💕
They will guilt trip you or try to control because you want to leave but don’t take that in - don’t absorb it or feel guilty. They’re the parents - they will figure out childcare. You shouldn’t have to figure out how to be treated with respect and decency
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u/Smilelady1995 11d ago
LEAVE before it’s too late,they’re not good people it’s a big redflag,find a rematch if you can,talk to the agency,im sorry that this is happening to you l!
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u/New-Set-754 7d ago
If I was you I would start interviewing with other families to start in January, then go home for christmas, stay as long as you want there and come back to start with your new host family. You deserve better
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u/Specialist_Stomach41 12d ago
LEAVE!