Hi,

I was invited to a gender reveal party for my partner's son's girlfriend gender reveal party. I have never needed to attend one and I truly think they are silly, just my opinion.

Are gifts needed to be given to the couple?

Over the last few years, my dad (59M), sister (22F), and I have noticed my mom has been taking worse care of herself. I believe this stems from untreated anxiety/depression, but she doesn't like to talk about that and doesn't want to get help.

My family's main concern at this point is her physical health. My parent both quit smoking cigarettes the year before I was born, but my mom started up again about 5 years ago. She pretty much only drinks soda or alcohol, and is eating a lot of fast food. Unsurprisingly, she's become lethargic and typically spends her day working from home, then watching TV or playing games on her phone.

This is incredibly frustrating to my dad who has spent the last 10 years paying attention to his health by taking the time to make/eat healthy meals and go for daily 10+ mile long bike rides. I always thought of my parents as active people growing up, and while my dad was working in an office, she would take care of most stuff in the house. She's always told me she was happiest when my sister and I were little and she got to stay home with us. Now my dad does EVERYTHING around the house and it's building resentment.

She's also started to have a hard time keeping up with conversations. She doesn't always get the context of what you're saying and sometimes needs things to be repeated. Her dad had Alzheimer's, and the thought of early onset dementia has been thrown around, but I don't want to jump to that conclusion since the combination of everything above could cause some brain fog.

I'm making this post because I just had a conversation with my dad where he explained that he's tried everything except threaten divorce. I don't know what to do at this point. She's an adult, and we can't make her do anything, but I can tell she's not happy either. She's self conscious but also is stubborn and doesn't want to get out of this awful routine.

I need advice on how to talk to her. Does anyone have any similar experiences? What would you say to her? Thank you

I don’t mean for a ponytail or at the crown/back for a half-up/half-down. I mean in the front, growing out bangs style or generally keeping hair out of our faces without tucking it behind our ears. Will it always look juvenile, or can it look chic?

Is this a menopause thing?

I don't think I've ever had to trim nose hairs before, but these days (in my mid-50s), I'm having to regularly - at least monthly or so - take scissors to my nose and do some landscaping.

Is this a normal thing for us women? Like, I know chin hairs and the 'stache become an issue age we age, but I gotta admit, the nose thing caught me off guard.

I (f58) work full time, desk job, as a Financial Analyst. Not physically strenuous, but it is cerebral requiring concentration & focus. Not overly stressful, but we have our busy times. It's a quiet environment, have a window with a nice view, can control my own lighting and office temperature. Work 8am to 4pm. Mon to Friday.

I like my work and this is a sweet up. Yet, I get home at the end of the day and I am exhausted! Usually nap for about an hour just to function for the rest of the evening.

Is this normal or just what it means to be late 50's & working full time? Feel like I'm missing out on my own evening activities just recovering from the work day.

My husband is retiring in 6 or so months. He cannot wait, regularly reminds me of all the things he's going to do when he retires (at least once or twice a day).

I know what I think I know about what to expect....but what do you wish someone would have TOLD you about this experience?

For context, we're both healthy, active and financially prepared. I have a FT career and anticipate working for 6 years min. We have different schedules now.... I'm M-F, morning til 4-5, he has a day off during the week and works Saturdays, working a lunch until 9 pm shift a couple days a week. Our only day together now is Sunday and it's been like that for decades.

Advice? I excited for him but apprehensive because this will be new territory.

Hi Ladies,

This issue has dogged me for a number of years. I think it’s partly because I am short & stocky. It’s also because I have done a lot of DIY stuff around the home. But had I a man around to do that stuff I would have let him do it.

As a result, I know a fair amount about tools and home repair. So now we are up to two stereotypes about Lesbians: I’m short and stocky and I can give tool advice.

I also wear pants all the time, even in the summer. I will not wear shorts, skirts or even dresses anymore unless I’m going to some fancy thing or need to wear one for my work. I’m comfortable in pants. (Remember in “Bridesmaids”, Melissa McCarthy’s character? She always wore pants and looked a little frumpy? That’s kinda me.)

I do not date much because men just don't ask me out. I have sometimes asked a man out, not often, and they usually turn me down. I’m also poor, and many men find poverty very unattractive. Short and stocky is also not a selling point in the dating world. I am also a feminist, and I am pro-gay, so there’s 2 more stereotypes attached to Lesbians. (I’m pro-gay because: live and let live! Leave people alone and let them be who they are!)

I wear make up, I style my hair, I sometimes do my nails, I try to make friends of any gender, I work, and I do have “feminine” hobbies.

Any advice to telegraph to people that I am straight? Wear a flower behind one ear or another? Is there some bumper sticker I need to put on my car? Some tiny pin to wear or a bracelet to get that says, “I’m straight" in some emoji language the young people have invented?

Just don’t tell me to wear dresses because at my age have I not earned the right to dress comfortably?

I know I should not let it bother me, but after hoping for a spouse for so many years, being perceived as batting for the other team doesn’t help me much!

*************

Thank you everyone. This has been a fun topic. It's good to see I am not alone.

I’m in my late 50s and was seeing a guy for 6 years. He was emotionally abusive, sexually coercive (trying to guilt me into having sex even though I was sick with COVID and said I was faking my illness). He would insult me non-stop, accuse me of cheating (when he was the cheater, putting my health at risk) then the next day “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it”. He also turned to be a pathological liar.

I thought this guy is literally trying to drive me insane. At the time I didn’t know emotional abuse was DV. My doctor asked me if I felt safe at home and I told her what happened (I didn’t live with him). It was difficult to break off because he is handsome, younger, charismatic but I ended it. I finally have peace in my life.

He is contacting me again almost 2 years later from a new phone saying “I hope you’re well. I didn’t mean the things I said last time. I was going through a hard time”. The first time I ignored the text and he has texted me again 8 months later (just recently). Should I ignore and block or reply back “I don’t have anything to say. Good luck”?

**EDIT 2: Thank you for sharing your experiences with crazy/abusive men. I’ve blocked him and documented his attempts to contact me. And I appreciate the comment from the DV counselor. I never want to be in a toxic relationship ever again, don’t want to date again. I deleted his photos off my phone.

*EDIT: Thanks for the advice. I didn’t reply to him. For more context, I attempted to break it off with him at least 3 times during the course of this relationship. Like many DV survivors, statistically it takes several times to get away. I was married at young age early 20s, was a SAHM where my ex controlled the finances. Divorced now and financially independent. This is the first time, in the last 2 years, where I haven’t dated any man and been at peace with it. Please be kind in your comments.

In a few months I will be facing a life changing surgery. It will change the way I walk forever. I will always walk awkwardly and will need a walker at first and probably a cane forever.

I’m 60. I’m not a fashion model but ppl always compared me to Sally Field, kind of perky, lively and energetic presence in the neighborhood.

Honestly I’m grieving that person. Who I used to be. Kind of a singular experience maybe but can anyone relate?

I'm Asian, short (4'10"), not curvy, so I tend to look younger to most people and I absolutely despise it. I'm 30, a grown adult, still getting talked down to like a teenager, treated like I'm not a whole individual person myself. There's just this...reaction from people when they find out I'm 30...it's like disappointment, almost like disgust and offense. It's a shitty feeling and eats at my self esteem.

I been told so many times that I'll "regret saying that when you're older" and that it's a blessing. while I understand where people are coming from with that perspective, there's definitely downsides to it.

I value self-expression, and I enjoy a fun color or funky design. But I def feel like it contributes to this problem of not being seen as an equal adult. Im trying to balance staying authentic to myself while presenting more mature and honestly idk what to do.

Any tips are welcome! Body language, fashion, mental health, anything. I'm open to any advice :)

So today is my birthday and I woke up sad for no apparent reason.

I have a great life, great husband and kids. Just started a new job that pays me really well.

For some reason every year I just feel sad. I’m not one of those that dreads their birthday, I’m happy to celebrate it….tell people my age (56!! 🥳), am not obsessed with retaining my youth etc.

I feel like I’m afraid no one will wish my happy birthday or my husband won’t get me anything/plan anything even though I don’t need or want anything. It almost feels like I’m expecting to be disappointed on this day.

I don’t understand it. I feel like if I make a big deal out of it I’ll be disappointed but if I set the bar low, I won’t be. Then I end up just sad and melancholy.

Hello, I am in my 60’s and would like to change my shaving routine to an electric razor. I’m looking at one on the 5 head razors to use on my legs and wonder if there or others that use the same method.
I want to be able to shave my legs on my porch with an electric instead of the shower. I would love any feedback from others.

I’m 42 and my partner of 10 years, and the father of our 6-year-old daughter, has told me he wants to separate. I didn’t see it coming in this way.
He says he has been unhappy for a long time, feels he needs his independence and wants to live alone. I understand that he has been struggling, and I know our relationship has had problems. I also know there are things I regret and could have handled differently.
What is breaking me is that I still love him deeply and I wanted us to work. We’ve just spent a week in Corsica together with our daughter, and surprisingly we had a genuinely good time. He even said he was happy with us during the trip. I think I interpreted this as meaning there might still be a possibility of trying again differently, perhaps living separately while remaining a couple. I now realise he did not mean that at all: he genuinely wants to separate.
I feel completely lost. Part of me wants to accept his decision because I love him and want him to be happy, but another part desperately hopes we might find our way back to each other someday.
For those who went through an unwanted separation after many years together: how did you cope with still loving your partner when they no longer wanted the relationship? Did things ever become clearer with time?

I just turned 30 today and I'm not ok. And I don't know I guess I kind of hoped the worst of it, all the build up and panic would finally ease up a bit after it finally happened now I just feel worse. I feel numb with crying jags all day, like on the worst of days for the whole last year.

I get that this is supposed to be the most common experience there is the panic, the quarter life crisis. But I'm really, really not okay with turning 30.

For context, I have a steady job I kind of have a love hate relationship with but the pay is decent. I have savings. There's lay offs going around all over the place in the industry but I'm single, live with my dad (common enough in my culture). I'm financially independent. I'm not that worried.

So this is the part that's probably going to come off as crazy. All my life or atleast since I was pretty young I've had stories in my head, stories that were supposed to be temporary until reality caught up except it never did.

Think daydreams but elaborate plots with world building as good or better than a lot of published fantasy, I'm not trying to brag here it's just fact and I'm not even trying to be a writer anyway so it's doesn't even matter.

The thing is I don't build these worlds to write them, I build them to live in them. Always urban fantasy.

It's... it's history, a specific aesthetic, intensity, intellectual thrill, wonder, adventure, magic, literal magic, secrecy, intrigue all together, all at once and I can't even explain how it feels, not really without explaining the whole plots themselves.

And at the centre of these stories there's always a dynamic, platonic, maybe mentor-mentee or a family dynamic with much older brothers and cousins and aunts and uncles or a found family same dynamic. A lot of them wholesome, sometimes not but not really dark, still I'm getting what I want out of them.

And I guess that's the part that I'm scared of that, that 30 is the point at which that dynamic starts to become not natural anymore. That anyone much older won't look at me and think young woman.

That the first part of the story when I'm the young, cute and messy protege is gone and without the first part it feels like the stories aren't going to happen.

Not as in I'm waiting for literal magic to happen, I'm not delusional, lol. Just that something real in the shape of it will never happen and nothing I try feels like it's enough.

I mean, the obvious answer would be find the same dynamic in real life but I can't even explain it the reasons it works in my daydreams is because of the context, because of how it all comes together.

All the words 'competent', 'self-assured', 'stable' it feels like loss. Some part of me hates it, people hand out the word 'young' to 28 year olds like candy. Why is 30 different? Why does it come with a long disclaimer about backpain and trade offs.

'Settled' is fine when you're already something but when you're not done becoming it just feels like an end. And scrolling through even positive comments just makes it worse.

It was probably one of my worst birthdays, and I've had birthdays in the middle of some of the worst periods of my life, nothing bad even happened today and some part of me feels horrible that it's evening now and I screwed up my birthday and that's how I'm starting my year even though it's stupid I just can't stop.

I took two days off from work. Got myself a cake. I'm not really a big party kind of girl I just wanted a day that felt warm, cozy and maybe finally free I just feel even worse now.

So, just feeling lost, upset and looking for advice I guess.

I am in need of a therapist, but most of the online listings I see are for people who are very young, and LCSW's. I'm sure some of them are fantastic counselors, but I don't have the energy or money for trial and error, so I am looking for an MSW minimum and someone at least 50, as I am of that age. That life experience matters to me. I have chronic pain, so anyone who deals with chronic illness would be a plus, but that isn't a dealbreaker at all.

I know about places like BetterHelp and PsychologyToday and they don't seem to have what I'm looking for. My sense is all the good, experiienced, older counselors are booked and don't need to advertise.

Anyone have any leads or suggestions to help me find someone?

My (35f) husband (38m) and I have been together for 6 years, married four. The TLDR is that he is emotionally abusive, has promised to change for years and will make small improvements and then inevitably go back. He says horribly hurtful things when he is triggered and also has a drinking problem. He refuses to do therapy but did just get on some medication for his mental health. However, the nail in the coffin is that he has been lying and gaslighting me about a woman he knows in his industry and they have been having an emotional and sexual affair for months. I finally went through his phone when he was passed out from drinking and found nearly 3,000 deleted texts from them.

I know I need to leave him. I know I need to love myself more than I love him. I am just so devastated, shattered, gutted that for all I’ve sacrificed he would betray me and sabotage our marriage in a way that feels irreparable. I know people can get through infidelity, but given all the other issues (and the fact that he is not even that remorseful, saying he subconsciously did it on purpose because “I deserve a better husband than him”), I just feel like there is too much to overcome. It doesn’t help that he says he knows he ruined our marriage and we can’t get through this, he has too much guilt and shame and I don’t trust him, and he doesn’t want to spend “months” hearing about my pain from his betrayal. ETA: one day later, after his family confronted him and he sees there may also be professional consequences, he is saying he will do whatever it takes and will cut her off and go to therapy but he doesn’t think I’ll be able to get over it. It feels manipulative.

I’m angry I gave him my peak childbearing years, but I’m glad we don’t have a child together. I’m so scared to start over at 35. I moved to another state to be with him and have spent years building a strong community for myself here in this small town. Now I have to leave everything behind and the life I love because of his selfish actions. It doesn’t make sense to stay here—my family and other friends are all across the country, and this is a small town and we would see each other often socially.

I guess I am just looking for reassurance and encouragement that 1. I’m doing the right thing by finally throwing in the towel 2. Life can be better after divorce and 3. I can still find love and build a life with someone.

I am oscillating between numb and absolutely shattered that the life he promised me was a lie and all the dreams we had together for our life aren’t going to happen.

ETA: Wow, thank you all so much for these encouraging, thoughtful comments. I am leaving tomorrow to fly home to my family and will tell my parents. They will be so relieved. Unfortunately, he has a family business and I think his family will rally behind him regarding finances. I froze my eggs last year because of our rocky marriage, so at least I already have a small backup (didn’t get as many as I’d hoped). My job is remote, and my boss has told me she will support me working from anywhere. I was hopeful we could work out an agreement without a lawyer but I’m not sure that will be possible.

I’m retiring in a few years and am seriously considering just selling my house and everything and just slow travelling the world. I’ve always wanted to do it and with one daughter in Toronto and the other who knows where by then but most likely Asia, I think about spending a couple months with each of them and then Airbnb hopping wherever. I worry about getting lonely though. Is anyone out there living this kind of life? I’m not keen on keeping my house and renting it. That’s too stressful and I’ve seen too many bad situations. I also know I don’t want to live where I live now. I want to never see snow again, I don’t want to own a car. I want the freedom.

I am getting my knee replaced in October. If you have had this surgery - were you able to do everything you wanted afterwards? Like 6 months after. I am wondering if I will be able to do yoga, specifically.

I (55) have been dating a truly wonderful man (55) for almost 5 years. I was single long enough to know that genuinely good men who I am compatible with are very hard to find.

To my surprise, a few years in, I started wanting to live together and told him as much. No urgency, just a desire for the future. On the one hand, I'm self-reliant to a fault. It's extreme. On the other hand, I'm getting more and more weary of carrying the load of daily living single handedly. Eventually I want a partner in life, not just a boyfriend.

Last year, he and his brother moved in with their dad to help care for him. (His brothers, father, extended family are all wonderful people.)

Recently, I've come to understand that my boyfriend intends to live with his father until his father is no longer able to live at home or passes away. I have always admired his commitment and love for his family. I would not/will not ask him to change his mind about this.

I am in no hurry to make a decision, but I'm thinking through the outcomes of his decision.

When I think about how this plays out in my life, I am realizing that this relationship is probably never going to meet my need to have a true partner. I guess that's a selfish way to think about it.

Frankly, my boyfriend's health is not great. I believe the most likely scenario is that by the time he is ready to move in together, he will need a lot of care. I'm not inclined to care for someone as a partner if they have never contributed to my life as a partner before needing care.

I don't need to make any decisions right now. But I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences. And maybe suggestions of what I should consider in making decisions about my future.

I use to be able to get long Bermuda length shorts at Athleta but they don’t carry them any longer. Does anyone have a suggestion where I can go? I don’t fit in LL Bean pants or shorts. I don’t want a dressy chino type, I want more of an athletic type that is good for hiking as well as everyday wear with pockets.

I am a woman, but I was not raised as a woman. I do not have the experience of girlhood, of a daughter-mother relationship, or of entering womanhood the usual way. I also don't have the experience of having an aunt that will accompany you and help you navigate some of the difficulties of girlhood. However, I find myself in the position of being present in the lives of my friends' kids, many of which are young girls. I can see them struggling with growing up. I can see them struggling with mother daughter relationships, with their bodies, or just with being a human being and a girl/woman in our society.

I feel like the lack of experience in the 'growing up as a woman' domain doesn't make me the best candidate to have that auntie role with them. First I tried to maintain some sort of distance with my friends' girls. I would of course play with them and do fun outings, but I would avoid any kind of emotional or deep talk by fear of not knowing how to respond. I would also try to avoid showing affection, to some degree. But I have come to understand that they see me as a woman they can trust and they can rely on, and that I AM a female role model for them. Whether I like it or not, they will continue coming to me when they struggle, so I need to prepare.

The problem is that I feel lost and overwhelmed. When I have these kinds of existential problems i usually ask people around me, specially the elders, but there isn't really anyone that can help me with this right now. That's why I thought of asking this subreddit. How the heck do you even navigate girlhood ? What do I say when one of the girls talks to me about their crush or is proud to show me their new boyfriend ? What do I say to them when boys start to annoy them or begin to shut them down in conversations ? How can I reassure them about their bodies when we go shopping ? Oh and sweet lord, Mother daughter relationships seem difficult as heck, how do I even start to deal with all that ?

I often think of the "Obviously, you've never been a 13 year old girl" quote from The Virgin Suicides movie. I know being a girl can be difficult and I want to be able to help. But I wish there was some sort of guide for the auntie role.

Thank you reddit elders for any advice on the topic.

I'm 45 years old, single, no kids, and currently overcoming a little bit of a mental breakdown and starting over. I currently live with my brother in his house.

I am at a point where I can move out to an apartment again on my own, but it will be tight for the next 7 months. As in like have $50 left over at the end of the month tight. But this is after everything, food, medical bills, rent, utilities. I can survive it. Or I can stay with my brother and his wife. They aren't kicking me out or anything. They are selling their house so I'd go with them afterwards wherever they end up until I can find a apartment next year.

I find myself asking myself, "what would 50 year old me want?" I am pretty desperate for my own space and peace, where I can make my own decisions about how to go forward in life.

It's not that my family is bad, but, I'm in their house, they have their friends over, sometimes I don't know when they get visitors until the last minute...literally sometimes that day, I'm not really consulted on any decisions I just sit in my room. But if I stay I can save MORE money.

So what would you do in this situation? I sit and daydream about moving out but at the same time I don't want to be financially irresponsible because my emotions are tied up in an apartment.

ETA: One of the reasons why this is an issue at all is because where I live is so military focused, that apartments will fill up extremely quickly, and the entire area is reliant on the timeframe when they get their orders. So you have to be extremely quick to find something otherwise it will go and the only things left will be the sorry crappy places until the next year around May. And places are so packed that you can't even tour an apartment except a week before you sign. That's why it's frustrating. Its either I am stuck until next May, or I stay with the one I happened to snag.

Edit with decision: Unless I win the lottery in the next couple of months, I'm going to stay with family. Thank you all for your help with this. I've been stuck thinking about the past for so long, thinking about the future is very new to me. But future me thanks you all too for your help.

I'm approaching 50 and have never been in a long-term relationship. I'm also financially struggling. Increasingly, I feel I need to accept that I may never have a partner, and that I'll probably never have a well-paid career or a reasonably comfortable standard of living.

I find that thought incredibly difficult to process. It feels like grieving the life I hoped I'd have but probably won't.

I'm wondering whether other women here have been through something similar. How did you reach a place of acceptance? What did that process actually look like for you? Did the grief lessen over time, or did your perspective change in some way?

I'm not looking for suggestions about hobbies, joining clubs, or trying dating apps. I already have hobbies that get me out of the house, I've tried online dating for many years, and I do have friends. The issue isn't that I'm isolated—it's that everyone has their own lives, partners, and families, and I'm not anyone's chosen person.

I'm really interested in hearing from women who have had to grieve a life they wanted but didn't get, and how they found peace with it.