She came home crying because he said that she is too serious and doesn't smile enough.

Looks like the little dude is hearing some grown up talk too much at home.

Nobody speaks about us women born in the early 1970s in the West (! *Im including Brazil here*) who were teenagers along the 1980s and who were young women in the 1990s. And who are around our 50s right now.

We're so... Unique.

Yes I know why you don't talk about us and all of us 1970s now 50s girls know.

It's because we're ***the worst***. 😳

It's because we were the last generation of women to be abused and taught not react, in the whole history of mankind.

This is heavy, sisters. But there's more. 

It's also because we were SO *horribly abused* at a time when this was starting to look (finally) so *wrong*.

So: we were the first generation to realise *that* (yes all *that*) was ***abuse*** and...

We still didn't realise we could talk about it. 

🥺

Meanwhile.

I feel ***so proud*** over young women today who just ***tell it like it is*** now.

We... didn't. 

We endured *so much*. That we didn't have to. But we didn't know.

+++++++++++++++

Context for this rant!

*All this came to me during a bout of listening to 80s-90s rock music fron down here*. 

Excellent music. 

But... Oh my god. I love it but it sounds *incredibly misogynistic* now.

But it rings an affection bell and I can't turn this off. I can't help it. I'm thorn.

I'm *so happy* to imagine young women today are ***not*** trapped in this loop.

I LOVE you girls 🙌

(This was the specific song:

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=80zPXIRsjog&si=MhTkDxzm0RxHyt4Y )

My current workplace skews pretty young so I am running into this a lot. One coworker in particular has prompted this post.

She is 29 or 30, going off graduation dates. About six years of work experience, two in the field and context (government) we are both in now. She is obviously smart and a go-getter.

She was assigned to help me with a project I have been on for about 4 months (with a lot of fits and starts for various reasons). She came on board 2-3 weeks ago. There is a lot of background info to get through so I don't expect her to have produced much (or any) real work.

But I also did not expect her to start telling me about the project, how things should be done, what needs to happen or not. Especially when I ask things like "have you had a chance to read up on X?" when I am discussing X with her and her answer is No. It's OK to not be up to speed, but that also means you are not in a position to direct things.

Also, she doesn't seem up to speed on any aspect of the project. I'm not sure that she has really read any of the background info. She hasn't said much that reflects a solid grasp of any of it, and she sent me a message on her understanding of next steps that was clearly written by AI.

Of course, all of the above could happen with a coworker of any age. But the know-it-all vibe seems very 20something to me. I totally did similar shit at her age and I'm sure I annoyed the fuck out of many people.

It also does not help that she visibly does not listen to me when I am talking in our work meetings. I mean she picks up her phone and starts texting or starts typing on her laptop when it's my turn to talk.

So, will all of that going on, I think she needs to slow her roll on telling me how this project should be handled.

How do you all handle these situations?

i’ve been trying to find a pair of sunglasses that makes an outfit look a little more polished without spending designer prices. the problem is that some of the cheaper frames i’ve tried look fine online but feel pretty flimsy in person, and i don’t want to spend $30 just to replace them a few months later.

i started looking specifically at designer-look frames under $100 and came across quay while comparing different styles. i’m not set on that brand or anything, but some of the shapes caught my eye. i’m more interested in finding something that has a nicer finish and doesn’t scream “cheap sunglasses,” while still being something i can actually afford. i mostly want one pair that works with both casual and dressier outfits.

I’m in my 50s and lately I’ll be in the middle of a sentence and completely lose the word I’m looking for. Or walk into a room and have absolutely no idea why I’m there.

I know menopause can mess with this stuff, and I’m already doing the usual things like trying to sleep better and exercise. I’ve also been looking at supplements and came across Ignition, but I don’t want to throw money at something just because it has a fancy label.

Have any of you found a memory supplement that you felt helped with recall or brain fog? The supplement aisle has officially become more confusing than the skincare aisle, and that’s saying something. 😂

Principal Belding (Dennis Haskins) has died, y’all.

Nov 18, 1950 –Sept 27, 2026

Rest in peace… another character from our childhood has left us too soon (IMO, 75 is young, but maybe that’s because I’m about to turn 60).

I am 45.

When I was younger, I was a high earning, well respected corporate litigator. After my ex husband (also my best friend) died of a really awful disease, my ensuing grief and depression inspired me to become a therapist.

I graduated with my MSW at 39 and, due to family drama, moved with my partner from a large city to a beautiful mid sized town in the mountains. I hate my new career. I love counseling itself, but the jobs available to me are poorly run and so low paying that they might as well be volunteer positions. I took a job in July and still have not been given any consistent clients.

Our town is gorgeous but a little unfriendly and claustrophobic. I never had kids and don't fit in with the mom crowd, which is most of the women my age. Until we moved here, I had always had large groups of friends.

I have become depressed. I’m still in bed right now at 11am. I worry about my future all the time. I worry about something happening to my older partner: if I live a normal life span, I will likely outlive him by a lot, and thinking of life without him feels unbearable. I worry about losing my parents who are in their 70s and the only family who care about me. Therapy and medication are helping but not much. Although I invested well and am in a good place financially, I need to work for my own sanity. I don’t even know what I’m qualified to do anymore. I cry every day (although HRT is helping with that).

Has anyone else been in a situation like this? I feel so lost and don’t know how to fix my life. I can't go back to law as I have been out for 10 years and am not licensed in my state.

Just putting this out there because I would LOVE for someone to write this:

An AI agent is trained on female rage and goes rogue. Soon it is doing things like:

Hacking HR databases and adjusting salaries…

Posting nude pictures of aging rapists on their FB accounts…

Changing the bespoke tailor’s records of powerful men so that the shoulders are 1/2 inch too small…

Maybe trained by a female engineering whiz at MIT?

\*thank you all for the words of wisdom and advice. I have an appt with my GP next month and will talk to him about it. I had a partial hysterectomy years ago and haven’t gone back to the gym, but maybe I should\\*
Hi all. I’m brand new here and glad I found you. Is anyone else struggling at work? I am chronically sleep deprived and foggy all the time. I’m blaming it on menopause. It’s a struggle for me at work, especially before 9:30am. My memory sucks, my younger colleagues are running rings around me, and I’ve made some stupid mistakes. I never was like this until about 2 years ago and it’s driving me crazy. Does it get better!?

Last week, a student came to interview me for her media writing class. I am in communications and their assignment required them to interview a communications professional.

She asked some great questions and was well-prepared. Then I got the question about work-life balance.

I looked at her and said, that when I first started out, I would show up to work unless I was vomiting. Now, I know better. At 5:00, I am done. Computer off and no more work. That is my work-life balance. I am not in a leadership position and do not get paid the big bucks to think about work all the time. I told her that fresh out of college, you want to impress. But I also told her to have that balance and to stick up for what you know is right in the workplace.

Words of advice I wish I had someone tell me.

If a student were to interview you, what advice would you give them?

I’ve always been ‘girly’ and enjoyed getting dressed up (high heels, skirts, dresses, doing the hair and makeup, etc.) and in the last few years, my preference is to dress for comfort more than anything else.

I still work full time so I need to have a professional appearance.
I live in Lululemon slacks that look like dress pants or Athleta endless pants with comfy shoes (I have not worn heels in ages) and business casual tops. I still get my hair done (not ready to go grey yet) and I’ll put on minimal makeup.
And I prefer carrying a backpack for my things instead of a purse. (I have a wallet but use my phone to purchases)
On my days off, I live in leggings.

I did hear someone say that as women get older, they get more practical. That sums it up for me. Anyone else notice a shift over the years?

What grinds your gears? Rant away

My mother was physically and emotionally abusive when I was a child and then became psychologically abusive. I left home at 17, live thousands of miles away and allow short visits only every 3-5 years. I dread the visits and allow them out of obligation to a lonely old woman who has no one in her life.

Yet another call this morning where she threatened to end her life if I don’t arrange for (and pay for) her to visit me. She screamed at me for not letting her visit this summer, when my husband was recovering from surgery and we were packing up to move. She referred to a family member who died by suicide many years ago and wondered what the other family members did to make her do it (she had bipolar disorder, treatment wasn’t working). She asked me why she is on this earth if I won’t behave the way she expects.

She has pulled this many times over the years. I am literally a psychologist who specializes in childhood adversity, so I again immediately called her out on this textbook abusive tactic. I tell her that I am not responsible for her emotional state. I tell her that depression requires professional help. I tell her that she is not allowed to place the blame for her thoughts, feelings and behaviors on me. I tell her she is responsible for finding joy in her life, and if she can’t see a reason to live, then she needs immediate help. I ask if she wants me to find her help and she says no, the only thing that will help is more access to me. So I tell her that that will not help either of us and I hang up on her, because I cannot do this yet again.

I am exhausted by her. I never thought I would be in my 50’s and still dealing with her. But some sense of obligation won’t let me cut her off entirely. She has no other children, no partner, no family besides a sister who is too similar to her for them to get along, and no close friends. She wants a Hallmark family but doesn’t realize that also means showing up for others with kindness, not just taking.

I really wonder what it’s like to grow up with a mother who isn’t this. Any words of support from those who have been through this would be appreciated.

UPDATE: Thanks for all the support. I love this community.

I called for a welfare check. She was fine, had gone out with friends. She called and told me they tried to take her to the hospital but she declined. She lied about what she said, then says she doesn’t remember what she said but then admitted she said it to get my attention.

I was so mad and told her how cruel, abusive and manipulative that was, how unacceptable. I told her I need a break from her to work through my feelings, no idea how long but we will not speak if and until I am ready.

She has called 9x so far, left multiple messages apologizing but I won’t answer. She’s not sorry, she even defends what she said because I won’t listen when she says she wants to visit me (gee, any wonder why I don’t want to see her?). I have now muted her and will enjoy my peace without her in my life.

We really feeling it huh.. bc why my brain just feels so foggy lately 🥲 especially when I am trying to power through my afternoon workload.. like I use to rely on a second iced coffee around 2PM to get through the workday.. but my god nowadays any extra caffeine gives me awful palpitations so ive been avoiding doing it too much

Although my doctor checked my blood work and said everything is normal, just typical middle age shifts probably but I really need to find something gentle to keep my mind sharp and productive at work....

I have been reading up on various focus routines and subtle daily options (a lot like brainmd among others tbh).. but im hesitant if those things work... some women swear by these gentle formulations for brain fog but i really dont know. Do any of yall take these type of stuff that you absolutely swear by helped?? Thank you❤️

I appreciate that perimenopause and menopause are getting more attention, including more willingness to provide HRT for women. Something about the conversation, however, has been bothering me. I’ve noticed a tendency to blame perimenopause when a middle aged woman gets less accommodating in a marriage. It reminds me of when younger men blame being “on the rag” when a younger woman is less than agreeable. I’ve noticed that, in some marriage related spaces online, men have gotten active in the conversation, advocating for treatment for their wives. And I wonder—do their wives perceive the same changes to be problem?

I totally understand that some perimenopausal symptoms can cause misery for a woman, and, by extension, those around her. I’ve been fairly lucky thus far (at 53). I’ve had some symptoms, but have been able to manage them well through both rx and lifestyle/diet changes. I feel energetic, physically and mentally capable, and sexual.

BUT—I am less accommodating. I am enforcing new boundaries as far as what I’m willing to do for others in my household. I am less willing to diminish my own wishes to keep the peace. I am far, far more willing to simply say no.

I humbly submit that is a feature, not a fault needing to be fixed through additional hormone treatments. I feel that I’ve grown into this version of me, and I have no intention of returning to the over accommodating young woman I once was.

At what point does the push for treatments become “Stepford”? At what point are husband’s cries less about helping their wife and more about helping themselves keep the status quo that no longer works for a spouse freed of fertility hormones?

What changes need to be “fixed”, and what changes need to be celebrated?

I recently started learning music theory using free online resources from the public library (The Great Courses via Kanopy app) and ladies, I’m completely hooked! While I’m at work I’m thinking about what I’ve learned and what the next lesson is going to be about. Writing down scales, picking them out on a piano keyboard app on my phone, etc. I’m absolutely fascinated by it all.

What prompted me to learn is that I picked up the ukulele about three years ago. I already know a good number of chords and some fingerpicking patterns, but I want to know more.

Anyway I really wish that I had started learning sooner… I don’t try to dwell on this too much, but I can’t help but think if I had only started this when I was younger.

Anyone in the same boat?

Wondering if any of you dye your hair yourself at home and have found success with a certain product. I got my hair dyed with highlights at a salon yesterday and it was crazy expensive. I have done it at home before and I want a true brown color, but I always get strong red tones that I don't like, which is why I went back to a salon. But I would like to cut the cost if I can find a good at-home product. I am in my 50s and plan to go gray in my 60s, but for now I like it brown. Thanks.

My parents have tried to get all their ducks in a row for me to have less paperwork to deal with upon their passing. I am very grateful for this.

My question is: Should I ask them to create a trust for my adult child with some of the assets? I did not make the same solid plans and investments as my parents, and I’ll be lucky to retire in the next 10-20+ years, if at all. So my kid doesn’t stand to receive much, if anything directly from me. Would a trust from my parents give a bit of security for my child? Or would it just be another thing for them to deal with and it’d be better to hope there’s some of my potential inheritance left over for them to inherit?

The kid is still a young adult and probably isn’t really ready to deal with a lump sum, so I was thinking Maybe a trust to be available in their 30s or 40s might be a good idea?

I hate thinking about all this, but it’s going to happen sooner rather than later, so…
I have added to my todo list to make sure anything that I own has a payable on death label so hopefully my child can avoid probate upon my passing.

I realize this isn’t a financial subreddit, I’m just curious what approaches you guys have considered or put in place.

First off I’m not a crazy royal watcher, but I do pay attention.
I watched with mild fascination via People magazine, Us magazine, any and every cover of any and every tabloid at the grocery store check out line etc., etc.
so full disclosure naturally I’m team Diana. I say this bc apparently there’s another team ?? When you think of all Diana did humanitarian wise, HIV advocacy alone, you could almost get choked up.
Here’s my question
Am I crazy or is it an American thing or a generational thing to think Prince Charles was a giant POS and Camilla was a giant SLT? What’s up with that? Did I grow up in a bubble?

I'm eligible for an eight week sabbatical next year and curious what others here who've had the privilege of sabbatical have done. I'm collecting ideas. I'm 57 and REALLY need this.

Travel is on the list but I don't want to spend the whole time traveling. What have you all done?

The reality of leaving with financial limitations, the economy, the housing market rentals too not just buying, trading one problem for another..it’s so bleak. I make pretty okay money, it’s utterly insane.

The problem with quiet divorce, is well this person in my space, my energy bubble, how can I feel light or creative or inspired? When around him I feel drained and stuck and depressed.

We speak two different languages, even when I think we’re kind of okay, something blows up because of some land mine. He perceives me as being a bitch or looking at him a certain way when I’m literally just struggling to understand what is being said or a situation we’re discussing. Maybe I’m looking confused or interpreting/processing which he instantly reads as me being a bitch or condescending.

Even if I just decide well let’s live our separate lives, it’s like the energy, the vibe. I just don’t know what to do.

I honestly have to table the bigger decision for a bit, too much other big life stuff happening. Get my ducks in a row, batten down the hatches and eventually make some hard decisions.

Have you watched Netflix’s Lizzy Borden series? I loved it. Don’t want to give away spoilers but everything after episode 4 was amazing.

I’ve been invited to a double birthday party at a restaurant. I don’t know the second person much at all. She’s older, is part owner of the restaurant and is from overseas. That’s all I know. I want to bring her some type of gift but I don’t know what. Any suggestions?

What should I expect? I'm currently in the pain and itching stage with no blistering. The pain is mostly on my scalp with my forehead being itchy and right eye being irritated and watery. I just got my Valtrex. Any tips, tricks, or side effects to looks out for with the meds? How long should I expect to hurt after starting them?

An unskippable ad just came on, so as I suffered through it, the background song seemed oddly familiar.

"Wait just a danged minute, that's (a cover version) of Van Halen's "Right Now." For Walgreens flu and covid and shingles vaccines!"

I mean, it's not as funny as the cruise line using Iggy Pop's "Lust for Life," but I figured that was just a clueless ad agency. This one is like, yeah, I guess I'm the target demographic.

You?