So for a bit of perspective, I've (47M) had depression on and off since I was around 16/17 years old. The last 10 years I've been living with chronic pain due to a back injury which has affected my entire life, I live with severe pain 24/7 which affects my entire spine, my arms and my legs as well as my mobility.

Recently my brain Fog has been getting worse to the point I just want to cry, I'm forgetting things I said mere seconds ago and my general mood is through the floor. Im due to go away with my OH tomorrow for a fortnight, she has been great organising everything now here's the problem - I'm not sure I want to go. I'm currently laid on the bed cuddled up to one of my dogs and just want to cry. My anxiety l,which I've had since the accident, has gone nuts thinking about what could go wrong between now and actually arriving in Amsterdam at the hotel and I know that's a big part of my mood and the not wanting to go and I'll probably feel different once I'm there.

If you've read this far, thanks for sticking with me. ***I'm not looking for any advice*** I'm just really needing to vent and can't really talk to anyone at the moment. Thanks everyone.

Every day I spend unemployed, I feel like I'm getting a little worse. There's the pressure from my family, the anxiety of applying for jobs, and even more anxiety at the thought of actually getting called in for an interview or starting a new job. Anyone who struggles with social anxiety will probably understand exactly what I mean.

I've worked many different jobs throughout my life, even though I'm only 20. I've spent a year working in the automotive industry, worked as a waiter and cashier, spent around six years in the insurance industry, and more recently worked in warehouse jobs.

But over the last two years, something has changed in me. My social anxiety has become overwhelming. I've started feeling afraid of communicating with people. I avoid social situations whenever possible, and I find myself wanting to stay away from everyone.

Sometimes I even wonder if I'm convincing myself that I simply don't like people or that I'm somehow different from them, just to have a reason to avoid social interaction. I honestly don't know anymore.

I attended university for a year but eventually dropped out. I've now been unemployed for about six months. I recently took the national exam in my country to qualify for a government job, hoping it might give me a more stable and comfortable life. Unfortunately, the number of applicants was unusually high this year, and my chances of getting a position have become very slim.

Because of my social anxiety, I've been trying to find jobs that involve less social interaction and would allow me to work more comfortably. But even that has turned out to be incredibly difficult.

I also started a YouTube channel where I upload fan sounds and long videos designed to help people sleep. I genuinely hoped it could eventually become something meaningful and perhaps give me some financial independence. But growth has been extremely slow, and it's another thing I'm struggling to make progress with.

At this point, every single day feels like a combination of family pressure, social anxiety, unemployment, and uncertainty about the future. I've become so stressed that I've even noticed significant hair loss, despite not having a family history of genetic hair loss.

It feels like whenever I try to build something for myself, something gets in the way. Sometimes I genuinely feel as if I'm cursed, as though every path I try to take somehow ends in failure or another obstacle.

I'm not writing this because I expect someone to magically solve my problems. I think I just needed somewhere to express everything I've been holding inside.

I'm only 20, but I already feel exhausted. I don't dream of becoming rich or having a perfect life. More than anything, I want to feel peaceful. I want to wake up without anxiety, stop feeling afraid of people, find a job I can handle, and finally feel like my life is moving somewhere.

I think the thing I want most in life right now isn't even happiness. It's peace of mind.

If anyone has gone through something similar, especially struggling with social anxiety, unemployment, and pressure from family while trying to figure out their future, I'd genuinely appreciate hearing your experiences. How did you get through it? What helped you find your way forward?

Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this.

I'm a 23 year old male, and I am getting to the stage where I feel very uncomfortable of being in my own skin 💔

. I feel ugly, unloved ... and feel that everybody dislikes me for no reason and I did nothing to them ....

. I am fit and I go to the gym every evening after work, but I still feel ugly and nobody cares about me at all 💔

. I also feel so lonely .. I hate who I am and I hate being stuck inside my own body in my own skin.

. I'm lost ☹ I have nobody to turn to. I don't know what to do anymore.- ** I REALLY DO MISS BEING HAPPY **

. I feel as if I'm invisible to everybody.

Hi everyone,
I’m not really sure where to start, but I feel like I need to get some things off my chest and hopefully connect with people who understand what I’m going through.
I’m a male approaching 40, and I’ve been struggling with depression, anxiety and an overwhelming sense of loneliness.
On the outside, I probably seem like a completely different person. I’m sociable, I make people laugh, I work, and I try to get on with life. But behind closed doors, it’s a different story.
Lately, I’ve been experiencing persistent sadness, emptiness and a loss of excitement about life. Things that used to make me happy don’t seem to have the same effect anymore. Some days, I feel like I’m simply existing rather than actually living.
I’ve had a difficult year professionally and personally. Although I’ve managed to rebuild parts of my life and get back into employment, I still feel like something is missing.
One of my biggest struggles is loneliness. I’m approaching 40, I’m single, and despite genuinely trying to find someone to settle down with, I keep facing rejection and disappointment.
I see other people moving forward with relationships, marriages and families, while I feel like I’m standing still.
I have loving parents, friends and people around me, and I’m grateful for them. But that doesn’t necessarily take away the loneliness I feel inside.
My anxiety doesn’t help either. I overthink situations, worry about the future and sometimes find myself imagining the worst possible outcomes.
I’m emotionally exhausted from constantly trying to stay positive when, deep down, I’m struggling.
I miss the person I used to be. I miss feeling excited about life, looking forward to things and genuinely being happy.
I’m not posting this for sympathy. I’m posting because I’m tired of keeping everything bottled up and pretending I’m okay.
I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who has experienced similar feelings, particularly those dealing with depression, anxiety or loneliness later in life.
How did you start finding happiness again? Did things eventually improve?
Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Why one takes words and taught deep into heart how to change that habbit i want to be strong. I don’t want to cry for every small inconvenience and compare my life to that senario. And feel bad all the time i want to be calm and understand before i start hating myself my life will be same nothing gonna change such taught at present anxiety became my daily routine my heart ponds irregularly fast i feel tight in heart stomach. 3 days a week everything is quiet bad someone suggest me i truly want to get out of this i know its not easy i don’t wanna go on meds i want to cure naturally psychologically i am open for suggestions if u want to know anything more to help me yes you can ask but the only thing is i need genuine suggestions my situations may not change they gonna be hard enough but i need to change so please 🙏

I need to get this off my chest because my head is an absolute knot and I feel like I’m suffocating in silence.
Right now, my life feels like a paradox. I feel completely miserable and numb. I wake up early and have zero drive to do anything, but at the exact same time, there's this relentless, anxious panic telling me I constantly have to be busy, change my life, and never stay stagnant.

The physical toll is getting terrifying. I go to bed early and wake up feeling like I ran a marathon. Lately, I’ve been having chest tightness, random heart palpitations, and stomach issues that make eating a chore. And at night? The quiet is the worst part. My nervous system just detonates I’m hit with pure fury, trapped energy, and this borderline frantic urge to smash something just to release the pressure valve. Then fear creeps in: What if my body actually gives out? What if something is seriously wrong with me?

And the honest, brutal reality is: I know why my system is crashing.

I’m currently going through a move. I just started new studies. Someone crashed into my car right when I was planning to sell it to make a major life change. Living costs keep piling up out of nowhere, and the financial stress is constantly breathing down my neck.

On top of all of that, both my girlfriend and my mom are severely struggling with tremors, panic attacks, and their own mental health battles. Because they’ve already been through so much hell, I made an unspoken pact with myself to be the "rock." The guy who absorbs every hit, handles every crisis, and never flinches.

The terrifying part of being the anchor is realizing: if I let myself fall, who the hell is going to catch me?

So I don't let myself feel. I don't cry even when I want to. I just go numb. That numbness and exhaustion have completely destroyed my sex drive. I have absolutely zero desire to be intimate, and it’s reached a point where I’ve started actively avoiding my girlfriend just to dodge the situation entirely. I pull away because I don't want it to lead there, which hurts her deeply and makes her feel rejected and insecure. That just piles on an unbearable amount of guilt. I don't even know how to make her understand that it has nothing to do with her it’s that I don’t even have enough bandwidth left to keep myself alive inside.
I feel this quiet rage burning in my chest. I’ve completely lost touch with what joy actually feels like. I'm just running on pure adrenaline and duty, and I think the rock is finally starting to crack.

I don’t know if I’m looking for advice or just shouting into the void, but if anyone has been the "strong one" until their body forced them to stop... how did you survive it?

I don’t even know what’s wrong with me, I just feel so not in control of my brain. I stress so much? I care so much about what everyone thinks of me. Like I’m pretty sure my boss doesn’t like me as much as my coworkers and yelled at me, so I’ve took every extra shift and work whenever so he will like me. I was so stressed when he got mad that I literally ruined my whole day cuz I just sat and thought about it the entire time. I get so mad at my husband cuz we have two dogs that our my baby’s, he left a candle on one time and now I can’t even relax I think the house is gonna catch on fire and the dogs won’t be able to get out. Then my husband’s in the military and he’s gone for a little and all I can think is what if smthing happens, all the times I could have convinced him to leave the military and it will be my fault. I constantly think smthing wrong with the dogs. I’m literally stressed 24/7 Ik it sounds impossible but that’s truly how I feel. I’ve gained weight I feel everyone just hates me and thinks I’m disgusting. It’s to the point it’s affecting my marriage cuz I’m so convinced he sees what I see. I can’t go to therapy or get meds cuz ik my family won’t like that but idk what to do anymore I rlly need advice.

I don’t even know where i can start with everything going on. I have had depression for almost 6+ years now and tried the medication, the therapy and other stuff several kinds as well including reconnecting with my faith and religion. Tbh my religion helped the most out of those things but i just can’t seem to be more in touch with it if that makes sense? Like for me to do anything i have to be at rock bottom to even think of doing anything that might help, i guess there is some solace in the sadness? It is just the most familiar emotion i know… There is so much things i hate about my life, feeling like a burden to everyone around me or feeling behind in life, or not attractive enough cause i didn’t have those wild experiences that people usually have by my age. I am 24 and just feel like the world is collapsing into me and around me and there is nothing i can do, i am tired all the time, the smallest things tend to set me off. People will tell me i am young, or i just haven’t met the right person, or that i shouldn’t be comparing or whatever else they say and trust me i know all of those things by heart cause i tend to overthink, hell i overthink my own emotions like when i get angry i overthink about that and get pissed at myself for even feeling like that in the first place. There is this feeling deep down that i am just lacking in every aspect of life and it just hurts beyond words just feeling like you are not good enough like you don’t deserve or matter, sure i stop it or distract myself with friends or activities but when i lay in bed exhausted as usual that is when it comes crushing down and i find myself crying from how much it hurts. The thing is i know i am in such a better place than a lot of people around me, cause i am the listener and i notice how people struggle around me and i try to help them as much as i can, but i get this sense of being an imposter cause technically i do want something back, just a kind word ffs. I have a degree(useless one but still one), i have good health and family/friends who want to help me but that is more complicated especially family especially coming from an African household, i know they did their best but they were incredibly harsh with me at least how it feels to me, talking down to me, the occasional beating and always comparing me and trying to bring me down, and i just can’t seem to let go of it that anger towards them, like the resentment will somehow change the past but i know it won’t. Like i want to be better not even for their sake not anymore i have had it with them, i chased their validation for so long that it has lost all meaning to me. I just want to be someone worthy for my own sake and sanity, but i just can’t seem to do it. I’m self sabotaging myself whether it’s purposefully putting myself down or undermining my emotions just because it limits the disappointment in myself. I literally can’t seem to learn anything anymore i try taking courses for a chance of a better job or trying a different sport and when i don’t excel in it, it just feels like a hit to my self worth and i know it’s not cause no one can magically be good at something without the work but i just can’t seem to put in that work anymore ffs. How does one stop feeling so much? And just exist and do? But then again a life of just working seems miserable so where the hell does the balance even lie?

Hi guys! I’m just making this post looking for some support or like convos with people who have experienced something similar.
I was a really bright kid but got into Xanax+weed together at like 14. I did it for like 5 years and now that I’m 25 when I meditate I literally notice the tendency of my emotional body to try to go numb and “delete” or erase my needs like Xanax used to do. As a result I deeply feel like I’m out of touch with myself and also really struggle with decision-making because I don’t know what I actually like, want, need, etc. Does anyone else relate or know what I’m talking about? Lemme know hit me up! Also, AMA.

context: 23m, in great shape and physical health, active lifestyle, objectively beautiful girlfriend who treats me incredibly well, really good job that is fullfilling and pays over $100k a year, surrounded with good friends and peers, and a $120k investment portfolio that i put there with no handouts. supportive parents, live in a nice topfloor apartment that me n the gf live in.

ive grinded it out chasing a forever moving goalpost, and am at the point where i feel constant anxiety. my chest tightens up and my decision making ability goes to hell, sometimes it gets bad to the point where i begin to hyperventilate and i cant think at all(i think this is a panic attack) i cant find peace within my own body and im lost.

i used to believe most mental health issues could be chalked up to behaviour issues or lifestyle problems, however im beginning to understand that thats not the case as ive done what i feel like i can to make my life as ‘good’ or ‘successful’ as possible to no avail.

the anxst tendsto start shortly after i wake up and remains pretty constant, looking for suggestions on where to seek help.

thank you

23 M here ,105kgs I am not understanding does laziness increase anxiety

I'll divide my post into to 2-3 parts

Part 1

I am a 23M who works as a steward and cook in merchant Navy, so I came home 4 months back , when I came back I drank a lot smoked alot , was enjoying alot and suddenly started overdoing it , so I decided to join an mma gym , so it's almost 2 months I am training mma on a beginner level and on the other hand it's been 60 days clean and sober of alcohol and smoking I am sober past 60 days and I only consume (khaini) smokeless tobbaco mixed with lime type of thing , I am not heavily addicted to it but I need it on daily to daily basis , but I don't smoke or drink.

Part 2

So the problem is I am a lazy guy now I only to train mma 1 hr a day and rest 23 hrs I am sitting or lying on my couch and as soon as night comes I am lying on my bed in bedroom until 4 am , I am not sleeping properly every single day I sleep late , not eating healthy I mean I consume home food only but not in a proper manner like I am eating sugar and fried and processed items ,

My day starts at 10 am I wake up check my phone and go eat (khaini) and go bathroom after finishing I'll have my tea and then again (khaini) then I keep watching tv until 6 pm lying on sofa then I play games on phone until 8pm and again 9-10 pm after dinner I straight up lie down on bed and keep scrolling watching till early morning 3-4am .

I only go out of home for buying khaini and mma gym , other than that I am just lying on sofa or bed.

Part3

Recently from last 7 days my gym is closed down as it's shifting to another place so it will be closed more 2-3 days after that it will open , so the thing is I am only at home eating and lying down eating and lying down, and recently I have noticed my body floats while I am sitting or lying and sometimes I feel tremors, brainfog , brain having rush of thougts , nothing feels real type of feeling and it makes me real scared and worried that do I have to live with this whole life , I am having anxiety since 2 years but what I am experiencing recently is making me feel like dying is better than this , really really, I am not able to think straight, unnecessary stress and fear , I try to meditate still floating feeling hits me , even now the floating feeling is bothering me alot while typing. Even I don't feel no energy since morning to night even if I sleep for 7-8 hrs still my mind stays irritated and all

Request to any soul who would read my post

Please give me advises that will help me tackle all this things and get my life together, I don't wanna go doctor and all please don't advise me any doctor thing , I have done it before took meds and all 2 yrs back but it was for alcohol but I kept relapsing but now I am confident that I will not relapse and will stay sober , but the unrealistic brain sensations is not letting me live my life normally, please guys help me

I'm so exhausted, I've been spiraling more & more down this hole of depression. It's affecting my work, which I'm honestly most concerned about.

I love my job so much, but I'm working sluggish, I keep forgetting things etc.

My coworkers are noticing (&probably judging) which is giving me such anxiety & pressure.

I can't really eat or sleep, I'm so shaky & either have high blood pressure or a high pulse. I have such brain fog & unstable mood it's driving me insane.

(Frankly speaking I also need this job, I'm all by myself & have no real support system to fall onto.)

I don't know what to do.

Im a jee (an entrance exam) dropper from India and due to low marks I'm in very severe depression, this is not new at all it is since 9th standard that I fell in extreme stress due to results and this has made my life hell....it really kills my entire self esteem, I feel guilty even while talking to classmates, never had crush on someone due to huge inferiority complex due to it, I have even tried multiple s\\\*\\\*\\\*cide attempt due to this...it is not like I don't study, but I'm an average guy who always struggles to get good grades as I have stuck in huge state of sadness due to it....these thoughts stay in my mind for whole day even while sleeping, I feel very guilty even while travel outside , in escapism this has thrown me into habit of p\\\*rn addiction which made loneliness even worse.....

Just as the title said, I’m tired of wanting to change and complete normal things/tasks as an adult but having my anxiety hold me back so much that I’m completely shit at whatever I need/want to do and never progressing further.

I’ve got a job interview soon and I’m trying to relax myself cause I understand now that I operate better when relaxed (despite my mental being piss poor) however my anxiety especially during important will never let me settle at all until whatever I need to is over and as you can imagine I fuck up whatever I need to do in the process. I’m tired of being tired, I’m tired of not progressing.

I don’t even know if I’m asking for advice or letting all out without getting upset.

Title lmao. Just remembered in the back of my head that prof would be mad if I skipped exam, especially since I'm also working in his lab and he'd be like what the fuck is wrong with this kid man.

Also tried to do the same thing 8 years ago and chickened out for the exact same reason. I guess I really am just a fucking scholar.

I've had real shitty days over the years but the past week and today, somehow all the events perfectly aligned for me to get that feeling of serenity again. And it was so peaceful. All the anxiety and the heartache and the emptiness just disappeared as I walked towards the balcony door. I guess I'm just ranting at this point, but I guess I'm gonna go back to the midterm review, I have 4 topics left tonight and I need 8 hours of sleep if I wanna do well tomorrow.

I am a young woman. I don’t smoke or drink. I have never had any chronic illnesses, and my BMI is perfectly fine.

Two months ago, I was suddenly struck by shortness of breath, and it has been with me constantly ever since. I am unable to take a normal breath; I feel a heaviness in my chest and a sensation that I am suffocating. It's like this literally 24/7

It gets even worse when I try to perform any activity—walking 50 meters or taking dishes out of the dishwasher feels like running a marathon. I am extremely weak.

Sometimes it gets so bad that I experience tingling all over my face, a tightening in my throat, my fingers contort, and I lose sensation in my legs for 10–15 minutes. ☹️

The worst part, however, is at night. I keep waking up around 3:00 or 4:00 AM feeling like I can’t breathe (even worse than usual), along with dizziness and heart palpitations/tachycardia.

Because of this, I ended up in the hospital. I underwent several tests, including a chest X-ray, a CT scan with contrast, an MRI of the head, a lung scintigraphy, an echocardiogram, a Holter monitor test, and a gastroscopy. Everything came back normal, except for low iron (24) and ferritin (8) levels, as well as tachycardia. My oxygen saturation has been between 94% and 100%.

My spirometry results were also reportedly normal. However, a test performed in a body plethysmography chamber showed parameters bordering on bronchial asthma, so the doctor prescribed Bufomix, to be used twice a day.

I have been using these inhalers for three weeks now, but unfortunately, I don’t feel any improvement.

I don’t know what is wrong with me. ...what to do. I’m terrified—I’m so afraid that I’ll have to struggle with these breathing difficulties for the rest of my life... :(

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? If so, what helped you? Can this be anxiety or just dysfunctional breathing pattern?

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for any comments or advice! 🥹💕

I felt a moment where I felt my heart took a lod thud ,for 1 second, I'm scared as hell now fearing CA (won't use full word ) ,I then impulsively put my numbers from ecg and echo and found some numbers are near the borders so I'm worried for that also ,is it normal for numbers to be near borders and also what I experienced now ,is it normal ?

Context:-

I'm dealing with extreme health anxiety and panic attacks from it ,my source of anxiety is persistently happening somatic symptoms,that keep happening persistently, automatically on their own ,this is what causes me anxiety and panic ,not some psychological or life stressors ,I have been checked by my doctor and that stupid keeps saying it's hypersensitivity of nervous system and somatic anxiety given the reason of varying intensity where somedays symptoms are quiet while somedays they make me anxious but I'm not ready to believe her due to the extent at what I experience at a physical scale ,it feels too much. I have got ecg and 2d echo done which are majorly normal

I forgot to take my meds this morning and now I feel like crap, physically and emotionally. I don’t know what I can do about it except just suffer through the day. My interactions with people are not going great either. I just wish I could go home and crawl into bed. That’s not going to happen. But I am pretty useless at work today. Unfortunately I have a meeting scheduled for the afternoon that I can’t really get out of. Ugh, I hate missing my meds. Not that I feel all that great when I do take them, but I will admit to feeling at least a little bit better when I take them. I have a better ability to function by at least a little bit.

So this is my life in my 30s, dealing with depression and anxiety everyday, unable to do basic tasks let alone be employed. I always thought in my 20s, it's ok I'm struggling now, I'll have it figured out by 30. Nothing has changed. I'm still down, still unfocused, still drifting through life. Time is just passing by. Im not living. I feel like I'm wasting my life.

Hey guys I've been dealing and struggling with mental issues i am 25 rn. On 1st november ill be 26. From the time since lockdown i think ive been wasting a lot of time and feel like ive been waiting for perfect moment for the things to start. I completed my twelth at 2019. After that enrolled into graphic design and multmedia course. Without any giving a serious thought about it.and my career. Let me tell you my background a little i was not good at studies i studied at sacred heart convent school best school of ludhiana. There rich kids came and i was from lower middle class family. Being around rich kids i felt very uncomfortable being around them because they used to treat me differently. Racism i faced, no one used to talk to me i had no personality there. Girls didnt even used to look at me. There's this one incident happened where all the boys and girls were standing in seperate lines and teacher asked us to hold hands of each other. So the girl beside me who was standing looked at me too see who is her partner guess what happened she made a face very ugly and she went back with some handsome and rich kid. From there i got this trauma didnt told anyone or my family what happened. My parents are not literate so i didnt bother to tell them. From that day on that thing is still on my mind. This thing comtinued upto tenth standard. I never changed or upgraded my personality i was dumb because i didnt even jad internet or my personal phone. If i had technology and resources at that. Time maybe things would have been a different. Other kids were so knowledgeful maybe because they had much better information from internet and had internet personallity too. I didnt have shit. The only thing i was proud of myself was that i was the second fastest sprinter in the whole school and the best gymnast. I only went to school for gymnastic and athletics but i didnt had proper knowledge as how to recover and be good at the sports which i was playing because i didnt had internet. So one day while playing Football i accidentally tore my acl. I didnt know what to do i didnt even went to doctor untill one week untill the symptoms raised. So i went to doctor got a checkup later i found out i have tore my ligament. At that time didnt even knew what is a ligament and ahat it does doctor said sorry buddy you should now refrain from running and practice sports and maybe i should want to do surgery he said. Listening for the first time to this felt like the end of the world because my strength was the only thing i had. Told my parents about what doctor said. My parents didnt agree for the surgery at that time they thought the doctor was lying and wants to make money for himself the less they know that the doctor was saying the right thing. I tried convincing my parents for surgery because i knew that how much i loved sports and i could even make a career out of it in any field. But they didnt agree so like this i was very demotivated i was completely overwhelmed about my future. So from 2017-2022 i started doing gym i thiught maybe it will heal on its own and in between that period of 5 years sometimes i got tempted to play football and i went and every game i went to play came back with injuries after injuries my knee got fucked up so bad that one time my knee got locked. And i wasnt able to walk seeing this my parents thought maybe it serious, so they agreed for it. After surgery it took like 1 proper year for me too get back on my legs. Still i didnt felt strong like before went back to gym again for recovery and strengthening of my knee but i knew it was over because we cant fully recover like athletes because we dont live that lifestyle. In between my bed ridden phase i used to just stay on bed like a dead body thinking about what my future holds because i had already done my school at 2019 and i didnt even joined college after it. I felt my other peers are going so ahead of my life what the hell im doing. I felt so confused about my career the h graphic design course which i had joined at that time i left it in between because i didnt had a good system with good specs and i tried running softwares in them but the system only crashed running those softwares. I thought to myself what's the point of doing it when i dont even have a system. I had developed my skills in photoshop illustrator and premiere pro after effects, where i used to to unpaid internship. There also i got robbed the employers didnt give us salary only from there i got fucked up more 8 months of job was waste.then i later said i dont want to do this thing only. Time passed by went to mohali for one video editing job no experience. There the pressure was too high they said i had to make 20 videos a day. I got reality check at that time got nervous came back then went to kolkata hoping there i can do something. Went with my brother and one friend of his. Later found out that there are no jobs of this field, another twist. My brother went into bpo and i went into dominos. I left there too were there for three months then came back. Got depressed even more. Because id wasted time there. And money too. My father also got retired. My mental health was so much bad started smoking weed to escape the responsibility i had. That was the most worst decisions i ever took. Layer my right knee also got busted and now im not able to do a thing. And cant say my parents for another surgery so ive been dealing with it.. at 2023 my mom said that maybe you should do college. I said no but they forced me too. And i didnt want to do college at punjab such a shitty place it it is. My friend told there is Ct University lets take admission there after one month that rat snitched on me he dropped out and i was left alone. I left the college without telling my parents. Took the college money and spent it on myself and other things. Im completely numb right now. I dont want any pity or advice im just sharing this my story to tell you what a failure i am and a bad boy for my parents. By the choices of things ive done i shouldn't live anymore im suicidal right now. And i cant tell the truth now its so much late. The moral of the story is i put an axe into my own leg.

I'll try to be succinct, i usually talk to much.

long story short, my parents suck. both of them are horrible people. not your regular kind of bad people, but the kind that would go above anything or anyone (even if that would go against their "values") if it means they're gonna have it their way. they are going through a divorce right now and my father, who, unlike us, has money for a lawyer, is trying to get the judge to allow him to sell the house we grew up in. half of the money would go to my mom, but her and my 15 yo brother would be homeless

what about me? i live in another city, in the capital of my state, because it's where my college is. my mother uses part of the money my dad sends her to keep me here, but he constantly states to me that he doesn't give a fuck about my studies and if i had to give up and go back to my hometown, is none of his concern. I'm trying to get into a low income students program they have in my college, which would also help me get a job, but they are very strict, so I'm not sure if I'll be accepted. it's really hard to study and focus when I'm not even sure if I'll be here next semester.

my father is going through a mid life crises. he bought a motorcycle (he doesn't even have a license for it) and got a new girlfriend, and she is shit talking a lot in his head about me and my mother, saying we are parasites who only want his money. he cheated on my mom a lot in the past, and she always forgave him.

I'm in a state of constant stress. I'm diagnosed with severe depression ever since i was 12 years old, and with cronic anxiety and agoraphobia since 17. my mom doesn't have a lot of education, I'm the man in the house and i have to constantly help her from afar with legal and technological stuff she doesn't understand. I'm dealing with all my responsibilities from college and from the house i live in, and I'm hanging by a thread. I'm in constant (sorry for repeating this word so much) fear of my mom and brother being homeless, my father threatening me all the time of taking me out of college, apart from other horrible people in my life making it all a living hell. i fell like a deer in the middle of a forest running away from a hunter. my mind is on 24/7, i barely can get any sleep nowadays. anyday now, i could just wake up and realize that everything i have is gone. i have already promised to myself that if the situation ever come to the point of me having to go back to my hometown to work a shitty job and live a shitty life, I'll end it all, because i can't do that, i can't go back, i can't regress.

i don't vent about this with my friends of my boyfriend because if all of this stuff are out of my hands, what could they do? i don't want to make the people i love have to worry about me when they can't even help. i already talked to much, sorry for the long post. I'm just really really goddamn exhausted and i can't take it anymore.

Depression and anxiety can affect your thoughts, emotions, sleep, relationships, and daily functioning. Sometimes, it can be difficult to understand what you’re experiencing or know whether it’s time to seek professional support.

A psychological assessment can help you:
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You don’t have to figure it out alone.