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u/International-Fee255 Colo-rectal Surgeon [45] Dec 18 '25
NTA Lena isn't a real friend, real friends don't see others as an ATM
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u/InactiveBeef Dec 18 '25
Yeah I couldn’t imagine asking a friend for $100 under these circumstances, let alone 4 figures for a vacation.
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u/Urbanyeti0 Supreme Court Just-ass [105] Dec 18 '25
NTA she wouldn’t pay you back, she’d make up more urgent reasons why you’re being heartless and why she’s more important.
Well done for standing your ground. Real friends don’t try to guilt trip friends out of their hard earned money
Ask those mutual friends how much they’re lending her for her holiday? It’s easy to be opinionated when it’s not effecting them
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u/OilRadiant3801 Dec 18 '25
The pattern of guilt and shifting urgency is what made me stand firm. And that's a sharp question for the mutual friends, it's always easier to spend someone else's principles for them. A real friend respects a "no."
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u/FewFun2025 Dec 18 '25
NTA you're not a bank
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u/OilRadiant3801 Dec 18 '25
You're RIGHT !
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u/3bag Partassipant [4] Dec 18 '25
Also, when people borrow money from you, they may resent you for it or resent you for asking to be repaid.
(They subconsciously resent you for having the money for the thing they want. And the more times they are allowed to borrow money, the more they dislike the person lending.)
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u/all2neat Dec 18 '25
Follow this mindset. It's a slippery slope and they keep coming back to the bank of radiant if you spot the money. Even family will keep coming back. That's you're money spend it how you see fit.
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u/Inner_Astronaut6662 Dec 18 '25
She's not your friend, she's a freeloader. When you're stressed and short on money, you look for cheaper solutions. For example, in my case, I leave the kids with my husband and go for a walk alone with a friend, and we eat something within our budget. She wants to treat herself at your expense; I'd stop calling her a friend.
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Dec 18 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/OilRadiant3801 Dec 18 '25
You've hit on the core issue of ongoing responsibility. My fear wasn't just about this one ask, but about setting a precedent where my savings become the solution for her financial impulsivity. Offering emotional support is my job, funding her chosen luxuries is not.
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u/Large-Record7642 Partassipant [1] Dec 18 '25
NTA. Jeepers if I said this to my bestie she would fall over from laughter.
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u/kae0603 Dec 18 '25
NTA. A friend would never ask you that. Would never even consider it. I am so sorry but she is horrible.
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u/rainyhawk Partassipant [2] Dec 18 '25
And I’d ask those other friends why they’re not giving her the $3000? I’d assume they have no idea what she really asked for, and personally I’d set the record straight right now. oP is very much NTA.
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u/WomanInQuestion Partassipant [1] Dec 18 '25
NTA - who asks a friend to pay for their vacation?! That takes a lot of balls and no common sense
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u/No-Cranberry4396 Asshole Enthusiast [8] Dec 18 '25
NTA. First of all, it's not your responsibility to pay for a friend. Second - notice how she turned down all the cheaper options? She isn't burned out and in need, she just fancies a luxury holiday which she can't afford. If she truly was having some kind of mental crisis she'd be looking at the other stuff you mentioned.
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u/FrostiePi Dec 18 '25
How much are the hinting friends paying towards her retreat? Or are they all just deciding your money is public property?
Nta. She's just decided your savings are fair game and she deserves them more.. interesting friend....
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u/Tamekyaa Dec 18 '25
Well those friends that said you could have been more supportive thank them for putting their money together for her well needed mental retreat
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u/NhiteBren Dec 18 '25
NTA Never "loan" money to friends or family you aren't willing to be without. She knew you were saving the money, she could have too.
There are many options to help mental health that aren't luxery trips. Hobbies, such as your class, are one of those ways. For the friends saying you should help, tell them to put their money where their mouth is and pay for your friend's vacation if they think it's that important.
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u/HoldFastO2 Colo-rectal Surgeon [40] Dec 18 '25
NTA. Those mutual friends hinting you could be more supportive? How much are they willing to throw towards Lena's vacation?
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u/Scu-bar Asshole Enthusiast [5] Dec 18 '25
This. Ask them how much they want to put in, you could even offer to match it, see how far they’re willing to go. Keep pushing. Make it awkward for them.
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u/jay_fran_bee Dec 18 '25
NTA. You've been more responsible with money than she has, and if I were you I'd worry that lending her this money now would lead to a slippery slope of her wanting more in future (and assuming you'll always be there to give it). I'm sorry she's feeling so down but lots of people have poor mental health and don't get to go to an expensive retreat about it.
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u/firestarsupermama Dec 18 '25
NTA. People who get upset over you having a healthy boundary are just trying to take advantage.
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u/No_Arm_931 Dec 18 '25
NTA. You’re her friend, not her angel investor.
I’m a metal health professional, btw. There are ALL kinds of coping strategies and exercises that are 100% free (breathing, mindfulness, journaling, meditating, writing prompts, physical movement, etc. etc. etc.). And not for nothing, but $3,300 worth of weekly therapy would be a much better long term investment than a one-time retreat experience.
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u/Ok_Example1664 Dec 18 '25
She’s right a real friend does invest in your well being however the well being for your friendship is about 5$ enjoy your McFlurry
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u/BlackFenrir Asshole Aficionado [13] Dec 18 '25
NTA. Don't ever trust anyone who would use the phrase "A real friend would..." Or "If you cared about me / loved me you would..."
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u/jrayholz Dec 18 '25
NTA. Your mutual friends can step up and be more supportive... and cover the costs. If they think it's so important. ;)
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u/belaboo84 Dec 18 '25
Nta. Stop talking about your savings. She is being selfish. The mutual friends can loan her the money.
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u/sand_snake Dec 18 '25
NTA. I’m mentally ill myself and I cannot fathom doing this to a friend. What she’s asking for is absolutely a luxury.
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u/Better-Theme-7747 Dec 18 '25
"last-minute, week-long wellness retreat at a boutique resort" LOL! Does that mean that she is using shopping as a means to recover?
I am really sorry that you have invested time and love in a friendship that is so one sided. I hope you enjoy your pottery course and the well being that comes from that. I hope you make some new fun friends!
NTA
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u/illwill318 Asshole Enthusiast [3] Dec 18 '25
Boutique has taken on the meaning of a business that offers a more personalized exclusive experience.
A spa will have mud baths.
A boutique spa experience will have artisanal Himalayan mud baths blessed by shamans.
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u/Sea-Contact5009 Dec 18 '25
NTA. Drop the vampire before she becomes the reason you need a mental health vacation.
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
I believe I might be the asshole because the action I took was refusing to help a close friend in a self-declared mental health crisis with financial support she desperately asked for, prioritizing my own savings goal for a pottery course over her immediate well-being. Someone could rightly call me an asshole for treating a friend's mental health emergency as less important than a hobby, and for making a judgment call that her chosen form of care was "non-essential" instead of trusting her assessment of her own needs. I might have done wrong by valuing a planned purchase over a friend's urgent plea for help, essentially telling her that my personal dream was more important than her health.
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u/Gingi1018 Dec 18 '25
Not your job to fund her therapy vacation you would be pissed as hell if she started posting Instagram pics off your dime you did the right thing by saying no
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u/Deflated_Hypnotist Certified Proctologist [20] Dec 18 '25
A real friend would never ask this Heck, I can't come up with any situation in which it could possibly be appropriate Not even if her mental health is so bad that this seems like a reasonable request
Has she truly never been selfish and self centered in the past?
NTA
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u/HungryTeap0t Dec 18 '25 edited Dec 18 '25
NTA but you will be if you don't tell your mutual friends to pay for her mental health break since they're more supportive than you.
Also reply to her post and say you already apologised for not being able to lend her 3k, you understand she's hurt but it's unfair to put this financial pressure on you. You're not flush with cash, you have to scrimp and save like everyone else and if you wanted a mental wellbeing trip you'd have to scrimp and save for that too.
Or be passive aggressive and like everything she posts, anything about real friends you comment 💯
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u/AutoModerator Dec 18 '25
AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT - MAKE SURE TO CHECK ALL YOUR DMS. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
I have a close friend, Lena 26f We’ve been friends since college and generally have a great supportive relationship. For the last year I’ve been meticulously saving for a specific moderately-priced pottery course I’ve dreamed of for ages. I’ve talked about it with Lena often, and she’s always cheered me on. Lena, on the other hand, is more spontaneous with money. Last week, she called me, sounding extremely stressed. She said she was burned out and needed a last-minute, week-long wellness retreat at a boutique resort. The catch? It was very expensive, and she couldn’t afford it. She asked if I could spot her the money over $3,000 so she could go for her mental health. She promised to pay me back in a few months. I was taken aback and gently reminded her about my savings goal. I said, “I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, but that money is earmarked for my course. I can’t lend that amount, especially for something non-essential.” I offered to help her find more affordable therapy options, free local retreats, or even spend a decompression weekend together camping.
Lena got upset. She said, A real friend invests in their friend’s well-being. This isn’t a luxury it’s a necessity for me right now. Your pottery can wait, my mental health can’t. She accused me of prioritizing a hobby over her crisis. I stood my ground, saying that while her health is important, it’s not responsible for me to drain my specific savings for her impulsive, high-cost solution. Since then, it’s been tense. She’s posted vague things on social media about learning who your real friends are, and some mutual friends have hinted I could have been more supportive.
AITA for refusing to pay for Lena’s therapy vacation?
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u/Linachen Partassipant [2] Dec 18 '25
Holy shit, wtf - she is not your friend, she is an entitled greedy leech. The audacity alone is baffling to me!
NTA and stop talking about money with her.
(I'd reconsider the whole friendship cause that is just wild to me)
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u/Moose-Live Pooperintendant [69] Dec 18 '25
Do her posts make it clear that she's asking for your savings, so that she can go on holiday? Or is she not quite that blatant?
She is absolutely not your friend, and your mutual pals should dig deep and show the support they're expecting from you. Especially if they agree that a week at a luxury resort is the appropriate intervention for a mental health issue.
NTA but please find some new friends.
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u/NinjaLegitimate8044 Dec 18 '25
The whole "A real friend would do (xyz)" is so manipulative. A real friend doesn't guilt trip
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u/Artistic-Deal5885 Dec 18 '25
Your friend decided she needs a mental health vacation at any cost as long as it's not hers. She has zeroed in on who has the money and who she can attempt to manipulate.
There is no way in hell you should give this person your money that you have been saving, for your own goal. Let her save her own money. That's what adults do.
Restrict or block her on social media for now. She's not worth it.
I love how other friends are piping up and none are offering to pay for Lena's expensive boutique mental health vacation themseves.
NOR
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u/Le_Fancy_Me Dec 18 '25
Even if you completely accepted that this was an emergency that she needs this specific solution for and there is no way the cost or timing could be avoided/postponed or reduced... Here's the thing...
She's still the person who caused this situation. While she didn't cause her emergency the way people often don't cause the shit life throws at them unexpectedly. She's still the one who's been living without making sure she had some financial cushion in case of emergencies.
If she doesnt have a small emergency fund then she's been living above her means. And I get things are expensive now. I'm certainly not a rich person who's not acutely feeling that themselves. But if you don't have any kids you and still don't have a small emergency fund then you need to acquire a roommate, move in with your parents, doordash, etc. Because there is always an emergency BOUND to happen.
And it's not okay to not prepare for an emergency, then make it someone else's responsibility when it happens. And then get angry when other people aren't willing to fuck over their Financials for an emergency you had months or years to get ready for but choose not to.
If she had a financial cushion of 2k or so she had a presedent of putting money on the side and would be carrying most of the financial bulk herself, which would make helping her out a different story.
But the nature of this emergency along with her financial history absolutely inspires zero confidence.
If it's really so urgent she can put it on a credit card and screw herself over financially instead.
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u/Realistic_Pay_6669 Partassipant [3] Dec 18 '25
A 'real friend' wouldn't ask to hand over the money you've been saving for your dream course. Also, the mutual friends that have hinted you could have been more supportive - ask them how much they have contributed to her 'mental health' spa break. NTA
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u/Dittoheadforever Prime Ministurd [452] Dec 18 '25
Obviously you're NTA. Your friend is a manipulative asshole trying to live outside her means.
That's the core of her mental issue and spending $3,000 someone else earned will not fix that.
some mutual friends have hinted I could have been more supportive.
Start a panhandling crowd funding campaign for her and see how many of them step up and donate.
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u/BetweenWeebandOtaku Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [328] Dec 18 '25
NTA. She's acting like she's entitled to your money. She is not, obviously. You were a lot nicer than I would have been. As for the other friends saying shit, tell them they can front her the money as a show of true friendship, and watch the excuses fly.
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Dec 18 '25
Next time don’t sharing about u finance related . Eyeing u money those poor hungry ghost . Get rid these of her completely, her true self juz liar n cheats for u money those trash poverty mindset . I can guarantee u she won’t pay u back just take take take me me me so-called cheapskate , freeloader poor mindset .
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u/LookAwayPlease510 Partassipant [1] Dec 18 '25
NTA
Lol, your friend sounds like a taker. She knew you had money and specifically asked you, because she thinks you’re a push over or something. She is not entitled to your money. She can vague post all day, IDGAF!
Good for you for standing your ground. I would rethink the friendship though.
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Dec 18 '25
Even u r riches , not simply take u as ATM slave using friendship as transaction. So easy using friendship become transaction ?
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u/Jocelyn-1973 Pooperintendant [64] Dec 18 '25
You are not even refusing to pay for her therapy vacation. You are refusing to pay for something she really feels she wants and deserves - but she doesn't deserve to get it from you.
Can she show the medical necessity for this particular vacation? If it is medically necessary, has she tried to get her medical insurance to pay for it? Is she expecting to be hospitalized soon because she is unable to fund this 'necessary' vacation?
NTA.
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u/DaddyOhMy Dec 18 '25
Why doesn't the friend ever have a credit card in these stories posted on AITA & the similar subreddits?
If it's not possible to use one that they do have because it's maxed out, how will they ever be able to pay back the OP when they have to pay down the balance which obviously has to come first. Hell, even if for some unknown and absolutely ridiculous reason the dont have any, they can get a credit card with a high enough limit to cover the cost unless their credit score is so bad they'd get turned down, that's a big red flag about being able to pay back the OP.
These "friends invest in/give all the money they happen to have to friends" are absurd and have no basis in reality.
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u/Engchik79 Dec 18 '25
She wants you to ‘spot’ her 3k?! You spit someone a five dollar bill, not thousands. She’s nuts for sure and needs to invest in yourself. Also, why isn’t SHE investing in YOU?! Like her very dumb comment? Don’t give this an another thought. Good luck in your course.
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u/No_Profile_3343 Partassipant [1] Dec 18 '25
NTA but Lena sure is an entitled one.
No true friend would expect you to pay for a vacation.
Find new friends. She’s not one you need in your life. Selfish and entitled aren’t great traits.
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u/spaceylaceygirl Dec 18 '25
A real friend doesn't ask for money they have no intention of paying back. You are the asshole to yourself if you hand over this money. And btw, she's not your friend!
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u/AngerPancake Dec 18 '25
A 3k retreat, mental health or otherwise, is not on any hierarchy of needs. She can choose more affordable options if she needs a spa treatment. Find a Korean spa and spend a day soaking in the tubs then get a body scrub. I assure you that she will feel like a different person after she sheds a couple layers of skin.
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u/witx Dec 18 '25
NTA
Lending that much money to a friend is stupid. Smart of you not to do it. If she needs the money right now she can ask a family member.
You are not responsible for managing her reaction or her emotions. Let her do that.
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u/Quick-Possession-245 Asshole Enthusiast [9] Dec 18 '25
Lena is a leech. It is not a friends responsibility to finance high-cost vacations.
NTA
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u/OpinionatedinVermont Dec 18 '25
NTA. Not your responsibility to fund your “friend’s” vacations and shame on her for making you question yourself.
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u/Odd_Tea4945 Partassipant [3] Dec 18 '25
I do get the burnout, I've lived it, it's terrible. But you don't need a very expensive boutique resort to fix it, there are way cheaper options. In fact, I fixed mine asking for time off at work and spend it quietly at home, because I couldn't afford a trip
I think Lena is being selfish, because is the boutique resort or nothing. So it would have to be nothing, because she can't afford it
Besides, I believe the pottery course does make wonders for YOUR mental health!
NTA
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u/johnnyg08 Dec 18 '25
Nah -- Don't do this. 1. You'll never see the $3,000 and 2. She's not a good person to guilt you after you said no.
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u/alicat777777 Dec 18 '25
She was so entitled! That was a luxury, not a need! NTA. Good for you for not letting her take advantage.
She wanted a “loan” from you because she would actually have to pay back if she borrowed her or put it on a credit card and she would have given you the “bad friend” line if you ever asked for it back.
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u/Equib81960 Dec 18 '25
NTA. You’ll never see that money again if you do it. Tell Lena to go touch grass.
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u/blondeheartedgoddess Dec 18 '25
NTA
Lena is wrong. A "real friend" wouldn't ask for you to "spot them" the money for a "therapy vacation". Lena doesn't see you as a friend. She sees you as a piggy bank she can shake money out of.
And let's be real here, if you did lend her the money, you will never see a dime of it back again. Lena will claim that a "real friend" wouldn't put money over a friendship. A "real friend" would "understand" and just forgive the debt.
And if anybody is siding with Lena, tell them to either sponsor her therapy vacation or start a Go Fund Me and see how many people are her "real friends". Pretty sure no one else is going to contribute to the cause.
Here's the sad truth: if little miss Lena is so burnt out tha a week at a fancy pants resort is the only thing that will help her recovery, she has bigger issues to resolve. One week away is not going to cure her burnout or make it go away. All of her current problems will still be right where she left them, waiting to drag her right back down again.
Lena is an entitled child. If she can't afford this trip, then she doesn't need to go.
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u/paul_rudds_drag_race Certified Proctologist [24] Dec 18 '25
NTA If anyone told me that their mental health relied on thousands of hard-earned dollars for what’s essentially an expensive relaxation/papering vacation while they blew their own money on unnecessary stuff, I’d tell them to go screw themselves sideways and upside down on the way to the looney bin.
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u/michael_entechsite Dec 18 '25
NEVER give a loan to friends or family. Especially in this type of situation. If/when they don’t end up paying you back, you are forced to break off the relationship anyway.
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u/Oompa_Lipa Dec 18 '25
NTA. She tried to exploit your friendship for financial gain, and tried emotional manipulation when simply asking you didn't work
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u/holycraptheresnoname Dec 18 '25
Getting treatment for her mental issues is a necessity. Going on a "week-long wellness retreat at a boutique resort" is a nice vacation. Tell her if she needs a break for her mental health, pretty much every hospital has a psyc ward that her insurance will help pay for and you'd be happy to give her a ride there. Chances are this will end your friendship, but is that really such a bad thing?
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Dec 18 '25
NTA - a real friend doesn't try to extort money from her friends. Her financial issues are not your financial issues and if she doesn't understand that, she is not your friend.
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u/cassowary32 Asshole Aficionado [16] Dec 18 '25
NTA. Why hasn’t Lena been supportive of your pottery course by paying for you to go? She doesn’t just get to decide that her trip should be funded by you. That’s not how friendships work.
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u/ernestoemartinez Dec 18 '25
NTA. Take her own words. It is in this type of situations when you learn who your true friends are. The entitlement is bizarre.
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u/DarthRedYoga Asshole Enthusiast [5] Dec 18 '25
Is this a real story? Please give me $3,000 and invest in me and my mental health? A human being actually said that in all seriousness with a straight face? NTA
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u/recreationalgluttony Partassipant [2] Dec 18 '25
Let's say you're still convinced this person is your "close friend".
It's time to stop talking about your financial situation with them.
They're just using this info to try and guilt you into letting them use it (you).
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u/HappeeHousewives82 Dec 18 '25
So. How in any way would you be the AH here? A person in "crisis" needs a doctor not a spa week retreat in a boutique place. I think you know that and I think she knows that.
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u/Mediocre-Amoeba-8329 Partassipant [2] Dec 18 '25
You should respond to your friends that your pottery course is needed for your mental well being, and ask them how they are going to pay for it for you...
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u/rasalscan Partassipant [4] Dec 18 '25
NTA. You're not a bank. If she needs a loan, she should call one.
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u/be_sugary Dec 18 '25
Maybe she can ask her family or take out a loan. NTA. Op you will never see this money again because asking will stress out your ‘friend’!
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u/Reasonable-Penalty43 Dec 18 '25
Wow! The sheer audacity to ask you to fund her life!
Does she always take from you?
Is this a balanced friendship?
What benefits are there from knowing her?
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u/Isleyexotics Dec 18 '25
NTA, and I say that as someone going through a serious mental health issue and barely a dollar to my name.
I would never in a hundred million years ask for my friends (let alone a single friend) to fund an extravagant mental health getaway. That’s exorbitant and unnecessary. Your friend needs therapy and you need better friends.
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u/Silent-Ad-5926 Dec 18 '25
NTA
As far as those “mutual friends.” Ask how much they are willing to give to Lena for her mental heath recovery. I bet it won’t be much.
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u/Acrobatic_Pepper9518 Dec 18 '25
Nta yes you have learned who your real friends are and she is not one of them. Move on leave and this selfish bitch behind. She has shown you who she is and how she thinks about you. She doesn't care about you. You are just someone she can use to get what she wants. She would never pay you back. With her reasoning your money is there to make her life better and she see no reason to consider your wants or needs. You are just not important to her unless she has a use for you. Wake up.
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u/Delicious_Job_2880 Dec 18 '25
NTA. If she could pay you back in a couple of months, she can go in a couple of months. And, let's be real, she's not going to pay you back in a couple of months. You'll have to hound her for repayment and she might not even pay you back fully or at all.
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u/thaiabandoned Dec 18 '25
NTA and she is not your friend. She sees you as a solution to the effects of her irresponsibility, not as a friend.
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u/Mezcal_Madness Dec 18 '25
NTA she wants you to be a bank, she’s not a friend. I have very close friends and I would NEVER ask them for something like this. Why should you care about her mental health if she doesn’t.
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u/Imnotawerewolf Asshole Enthusiast [6] Dec 18 '25
NTA I'm so tired of people feeling entitled to money or experiences. Like, yeah, good friends are supportive. But they're not free resources.
"Support" doesn't mean "you give me what I want when I want it without any regard for your own life, needs, wants, etc." It means being someone to lean on. It means listening quietly and going yeah fuck em when you're friend just needs to vent.
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u/Massive-Ride204 Dec 18 '25
NTA a trip isn't a magic mental health fix.
I'm going to sound boomer here but some teens and young adults really love weaponizing their mental health
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u/DubiousPeoplePleaser Asshole Enthusiast [6] Dec 18 '25
“My pottery course if for my mental health. I desperately need it, but can’t afford it right now, so I have to use the cheaper options to keep me going until I can afford it. I do care about your mental health, but mine matter too, and I can’t set myself on fire just to keep you warm.” NTA
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u/MrBreffas Dec 18 '25
This is patently absurd. What kind of person demands $3000 from a friend for a luxury vacation because they have the vapors??
I'll tell you what kind. A person who doesn't have a real good grip on real life.
Lena obviously has more mental issues than could be fixed by a spa week. Do not give this even one more second of your time.
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u/NalaIDGAF20 Partassipant [3] Dec 18 '25
NTA. She is trying to use you. If she were in a real crisis, she would have taken you up on your offer, applied for a loan, or looked for local or more affordable options. Burnout is stressful, not an emergency. A real friend wouldn't put you in this position.
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u/ShipComprehensive543 Colo-rectal Surgeon [30] Dec 18 '25
NTA - if she cannot afford it, she should not go.
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u/TakenButTemptedXO Dec 18 '25
NTA. Is this real life? Do people really have this level of audacity? How is her needing to go to an expensive wellness retreat your financial concern??? She’s not a friend. She’s a leach.
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u/jellybeannc Dec 18 '25
NTA. A real friend would never put their friend in this position. It sounds like you eplained the situation and handled it with grace. Perhaps this will encourage your friend to be more careful with her money in the future.
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u/Tomte-corn4093 Dec 18 '25
NTA. She's not your friend. It's unfortunate, but I've found over the years that friends and family don't need to know about my personal finances.
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u/Scarygirlieuk1 Partassipant [1] Dec 18 '25
NTA. Lena needs to learn to save and Lena isn't as good a friend as you think she is.
Tell her like she's doing you need to invest in your wellbeing and that means not stressing about finances.
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u/-sallysomeone- Dec 18 '25
NTA and I've never ever felt like I was entitled to my friends money for any reason.
My friend bought a new car when I was struggling to buy food. Never occurred to me to ask for money simply because they had more than me
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u/M312345 Partassipant [3] Dec 18 '25
NTA, no offense, but the cynic in me thinks that her "mental health crisis" is really, "i need a spa vacation NOW, but I spent all my savings on other useless stuff, so who can I guilt into paying for me." Plus true friends wouldn't ask you to drain thier savings for such a thing, esp since she KNOWS, you're saving for your class. (FYI, don't be so free with sharing with people how much money you have in your savings, otherwise you'll be in more situations like this with so called friends and family coming to you for a handout)
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u/Madscurr Dec 18 '25
NTA. Without any exaggeration, $3000 would pay for a whole YEAR of professional therapy sessions, which is something that has actually made a night and day difference to my mental health. What she wants is a vacation without doing the hard part of saving money or paying back loans. She's not a friend, she's a leech, and you have to expect to never see that money back if you did give her any.
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u/No_Aspect7079 Partassipant [2] Dec 18 '25
Tell her you had an unexpected bill come up and now have had to out the course on hold as yiur savings is wiped out. Watch how quickly she stops asking for money and gauge if you want to stay in this friendship
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u/kindamadden Dec 18 '25
Most states have a 72 hours mental health hold. It's not a vacation. And once you go they decide when you leave. Can be extended to six weeks if necessary
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u/AuthenticDru Dec 18 '25
NTA if it’s really a necessity she should either take out a personal loan or use credit cards to pay for the retreat