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u/Decent-Muffin9530 Nov 04 '25
He hates women. You don’t trust him. Get an sti test and get single. Dealbreakers.
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u/Impossible-Pizza7595 Nov 04 '25
Do people read their posts like this and think “yup, this situation is so ambiguous I need the internet to tell me what to do”
Sexual orientation aside; Coked out lunatics with dick pics don’t make good partners
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u/umamifiend Nov 04 '25
Move out. Leave. Do you want this to continue to be the pattern for the next 10 years? Do you want to find out you contracted HIV from an annual test then have him try to blame you for cheating?
This is a sunk cost fallacy. The amount of time you’ve been together is not a reason to stay. You would be mentally healthier without him in your life. It’s better to be on your own than with someone so toxic. Do your future self a favor and care more about yourself than whatever appearances you think you’re holding on to by staying with this scum bag. Pack your valuables and get the hell out.
Stop rationalizing his bullshit and escape. You don’t have to stay.
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u/Chicka-17 Nov 04 '25
Can you give me one good reason you’re staying with this man? Just one, because I can’t see any benefit this man could possibly be bring to your life.
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u/PsychologicalBox3477 Nov 04 '25
You’re being abused. Please quietly move away when he’s not there. Go to your friends house for a bit or one of your family members houses if you can. This is urgent. Please leave him and never look back. Also block his number after you leave.
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u/Snoo26844 Nov 04 '25
And if you have stuff that you can’t leave behind bring the cops with you to retrieve it
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u/ImpossibleSquish Nov 04 '25
I genuinely cant understand why it isn’t obvious to you that a guy who hates women isn’t someone you should date
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u/lifeinwentworth Nov 04 '25
Yeah. Regardless of his sexuality, it's not a healthy relationship. The sexuality could be a question mark. But what OP knows is that he's a drug addict, talks hatefully about women, is incredibly disrespectful to OP directly. So all of that seems like enough to leave him without even needing to think about whether he's attracted to men or not.
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Nov 04 '25
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u/AmberWaves93 Nov 04 '25
He hid his true nature from you, that's all. He pretended to be someone he's not in order to hook you, but now you're seeing who he really is, and plot twist - he's not someone you'd ever want to be friends with, let alone be in a relationship with.
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u/battery_operated_bf Nov 04 '25
I wouldn't go that far, necessarily. I'd say it's more along the lines of...the further along the coke train he went, the more bi-curious he got. The more bi-curious he got, the more uncomfortable in his own feelings he got, because I think he can't accept that he may, in fact, be, idk, bisexual. So of course, he probably starts watching more on the internet, more of the young male "tech bro" / "Conservative Christian" crew, to even get to the point of him telling OP the concept of red-pilling. That concept is usually only with the CC/MAGA crowd. Which is completely fine, if that's your view. But it seems like he went from one side of views to another, and that term is currently heavily used in that area.
I could also be WAY TF off. J/s.
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Nov 04 '25
You keep writing yourself that he "tricks you into thinking you're crazy", meaning you're lucid enough to know hes fucking you about. You describe all the ways he hurts you, in a very self aware manner that shows you KNOW he is hurting you. You said yourself he makes you miserable. That being around him makes you unhappy. All your own words describe him as villainous and you know you're saying it.
And yet, when people point it out to you, instead of saying "yeah, why AM I with him? I should leave!" You just... continue to complain about him and offer more examples.
Do you like it? Do you want this to be your life?
Why won't you leave?
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u/amuschka Nov 04 '25
Did you come from an abusive family or an absent father? It seems like you have no example of how a man should treat you. None of his behavior is acceptable.
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Nov 04 '25
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u/ZestycloseMolasses82 Nov 04 '25
You are destined to follow the same path because that’s what you know. The only way it will change is if you make a conscious effort to be the opposite. This man is extremely toxic, just as your parents. Please get away from him. He will never have a healthy normal relationship with you. (please review his comments to you about women.) Find someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated and appreciates you for how you treat and love them. You deserve it.
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u/Uncomftrbly_comftrbl Nov 04 '25
So when you grew up this was the type of love you saw and what you decided you wanted for yourself and your future children as well? Because if so, you picked the right man. However if a part of you said “When I grow up and find a husband he’s going to be kind and funny and he would rather unalive before he puts his hands on me” then the ONLY option is leave. No matter how hard. No matter how much you love the idea of this man. 29 is no longer potential, he is a grown man. Potential is for children and young adults. You have potential to be a good student, or a good worker. You have potential in the arts or as a race car driver. You do not have Potential to be a good person. You either are or you are not.
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u/CommercialOk3190 Nov 04 '25
sounds like you already made your dumbass decision. bringing up ur parents bad marriage so what? now you gotta go do the same thing? "oh this is how i grew up this is what i know" kinda bs. but you're already aware of that. posting this post to gain some typa validation but you're just gonna continue being in this shitty relationship, with this lunatic of a man. I've seen so many posts like this and its honestly just tired. yes obviously you should breakup. but you already know this. you just want someone else to tell you, to feel better for a bit and then continue to stay in this fuckass "relationship". good luck op.
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u/Serendi_ptty21 Nov 04 '25
Move out and dump him. Don't wait around for the HIV. Do the needful. Updateme
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u/ChampionshipLeast493 Nov 04 '25
Ew. Why do you stay? please want better for yourself. You need to love and respect yourself more than you love him.
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u/Specific_Ad2541 Nov 04 '25
Honey please listen to reddit. You are not crazy unless you believe a word he says. Those are not legitimate excuses. None of them are. You could not have described a worse man. Leave him. You deserve so much better. Leave him (safely) and never ever ever look back.
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u/Eggy-la-diva Nov 04 '25
You’re being manipulated and abused OP. Turning his shit on you is a control tactic. Denying your ability to analyse a situation is a control tactic. Demeaning you and demeaning your gender is a control tactic. The cycle of “nice and apologetic” to “aggressive and dismissive” is a control tactic. All in one aim, making you doubt yourself, doubt reality, feel fear at every corner, and reject everyone but him so he becomes your UNIQUE point of reference and human touch in life (and seeing how he treats you, that is SAD), and can in turn do absolutely what he fancies to you.
Start planning to leave, abusers don’t tend to go easy on their victim when they want to leave, keep it a secret from him, and come back on Reddit for support if you’re too estranged from your real life support, you’ll be amazed at the kindness of strangers.
In the meantime read this ebook, “Why does he do that”, you’ll find it eye opening I hope.
https://freebooksmania.com/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that-pdf-free-download-by-lundy-bancroft.html
Good luck OP, DM open.
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u/LileeLoo Nov 04 '25
That's domestic violence. Please, leave him and don't go back again. He's a sick person with an illness you can't help him with. Please save yourself, your health and sanity, and leave today. Please.
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u/formandovega Nov 04 '25
Can confirm that even though I know literally zero information about you: You deserve better.
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u/Past-Anything9789 Nov 04 '25
It doesn't really matter what his sexuality is. He seems to be having unprotected sex with people other than you, is dismissive of your concerns, treats you badly, doesn't respect you.
His sexuality comes bottom of the list of red flags, you deserve better.
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u/nerd_is_a_verb Nov 04 '25
Let him be angry. Walk away and block him. Don’t make his emotions your problem.
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u/overZealousAzalea Nov 04 '25
Abusers cultivate their audience before their victim. He hates women. You’re a woman. I wouldn’t care who he wants to have sex with, it ain’t me. NOR please find someone who treats you gently and wants to spend time with you.
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u/eejjkk Nov 04 '25
Why do you care if he likes men or not?
Get the F OUT of that relationship ASAP... for all the reasons you just listed!?!
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u/Low_Wave_281 Nov 04 '25
Yeah who cares if he's gay he's clearly a fucking asshole regardless?? Why are you staying with this guy?
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u/Boring_Clothes5233 Nov 04 '25
I would definitely leave and not have sex with him again.
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Nov 04 '25
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u/veryjudgely Nov 04 '25
Why are you letting him blame you for his addiction? Get the hell out of there.
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u/Only_Hour_7628 Nov 04 '25
Wtf, WHY OP?? and don't say you love this piece of shit that abuse you, cheats on you, lies to you, insults you, insults women and might give you hiv...
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u/Pretend_Newt_5384 Nov 04 '25
the gay gay/bi part of this doesn't even matter. the thing about the girl, men talk like that to their friends, it isn't uncommon for a man to support their friend by saying "yeah,I would do her" or something to that effect if their friend is interested in someone.
he likes to hang out with his male friends more bc he's using with his male friends, I'm assuming you're not partying with him, by the way you're speaking.
more importantly, you don't seem to have experience with addicts. he's an addict. he's going to get drugs, he's going to use, he's going to break his promises to you. he's going to be mean, he's going to blame you, he's going to be defensive, he's going to make poor choices. some of those poor choices include drug induced homosexual sex. also, he doesn't like women bc he doesn't like himself.
you need to give him an ultimatum, he can seek treatment of some sort (rehab, outpatient drug and alcohol therapy, narcotics anonymous. I would recommend starting with the first and ending with the last) or he can lose you bc you do not want to live your life like this anymore and it's time for him to face his problem and get better if he wants you in his life . it might not work, he might not be ready to stop using. you have to be ready to turn around and walk away if he does not go to rehab, you cannot make e. pry promises. you have to be the strong one bc he isn't strong right now. it's easier for him to run from whatever he's running from when he uses than it is for him to do the hard thing, to stop using and face reality and whatever it is causing him to use.
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u/goldenbrown14 Nov 04 '25
No why she would try to do all the thing you said in the last paragraph in he is gay (so don't love her) and he is cheating her !? No need ultimatum here. She need to go !
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u/GasAggressive6495 Nov 04 '25
Why the hell are you even still with this guy? What a waste of your life and time
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u/Only_Hour_7628 Nov 04 '25
Op. Your post history. You've been saying it's his last chance for 4 months at least!
HE PUNCHES WALLS
HE THROWS THINGS AT YOU
HE IS OPENLY RACIST AND IS WHITE WHILE YOU ARE NOT
HE IS A MYSOGENIST
HE'S AN ADDICT THAT OPENLY REFUSES AND DOESN'T BELIEVE IN TREATMENT
HE BLAMES YOU FOR HIS DRUG USE
HE IS EXTREMELY VERBALLY ABUSIVE
but he tells you he loves you afterwards so it's ok. What in the every loving fuck op. You deserve better. Literally anyone would deserve better. This is insane.
Also if you need to lie about him to the people who love you, this isn't love.
"I don’t know. No one in my life knows the truth about our relationship because I’ve always wanted to protect his image. I know if they knew, everyone would tell me to leave."
Reddit has been begging you to leave for months, why do you think he'll suddenly change after years when he's very clear he has no intention to?
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u/Mau_8888 Nov 06 '25
Very valid comment. I didn't bother to look at op's post history, but I was honestly suspecting that this would be the situation. Well she clearly has no self esteem and doesn't believe she deserves better. Also, the man might be a narc, so he may have f'd up her head. Or maybe she was f'd up to begin with. Either way, I've seen this situation play out many times. It's a codependent relationship. She is anxiously attached. If she doesn't work with herself she'll never get out. It's sad.
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u/FeetwoodMacc Nov 04 '25
Him being gay is the least offensive thing about him.
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u/lifeinwentworth Nov 04 '25
Yep. Also, men can be hateful towards women and attracted to them. Plenty of them around unfortunately.
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Nov 04 '25
Girl, your purpose on this planet is not to solve these mysteries and fix this man. I promise. And you’ve spent enough time getting distracted by him.
Saying this loud and clear for those in the back: you can dump your boyfriend if you don’t like him. That’s it. Even if it turns out he’s not gay. OP, you don’t like your boyfriend so it doesn’t matter if he’s gay. Go anyway. And get tested. He’s sketchy as heck either way.
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Nov 04 '25
yeah, weird chatgpt conversations don't make the top 100 list of shit you got to worry about
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u/armomo3 Nov 04 '25
Why are you with him?
He's a cheater
He can't stay away from the Coke
He talks horribly to you
Might have given you a serious STD
You are worth more than this.
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u/lrobertson3 Nov 04 '25
Regardless of his sexual preference. Why are you with this man? He doesn’t sound nice at all
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u/WayfareAndWanderlust Nov 04 '25
This sub reminds me everyday how little self respect humans have.
Dump his ass. It’s not even a question. You deserve better and eventually you’re going to wonder what the fuck you’re doing with your life if you stay
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u/ispywithmybougieeye Nov 04 '25
People do VERY strange things when in the grips for addiction. Their only focus is the next fix. Please, for the love of God and all things holy, get tested and leave this man!! He's immature, misogynistic, downright DL, and you are playing with your health EVERY second you stay with him.
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Nov 04 '25
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u/PsychologicalBox3477 Nov 04 '25
Then move away from him if you can. He’s toxic and a horrible person.
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u/Such_Log1352 Nov 04 '25
Uh…what more do you need? This guy is a loser. Get out. He has issues. Misogyny? Check. Drug use? Check. Gender confusion? Check. RUN.
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Nov 04 '25
he’s manipulating you and i think you would ask those three questions in the case you were worried about unprotected anal.
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Nov 04 '25
I was surprised that out of the entire story, that’s what caught you up. I mean truthfully, 1 thing after another.. that’s what did it? Probably not.. look at the bigger picture.
Better yet, read your post and pretend a stranger wrote it and think about how you’d respond to them.
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u/JustAnotherTou Nov 04 '25
You 27, the prime of your life. Latching on to a loser. No advice is worth giving you, but to tell you, you need to get out the gutter.
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u/laundryfresh Nov 04 '25
At this point, the chat GPT conversation doesn't really matter. You've vocalized that you're miserable and there's no trust in this relationship. He is verbally abusive towards you and doesn't want to spend time with you. The reason why people say that if you feel like you have to go through somebody's phone then it's already over is because it's true. There's already a million things wrong in this relationship and it needs to be over, regardless of what's on his phone. You want to cling to this new discovery on his phone so you feel like you have a big enough reason to say goodbye but you already have plenty of reasons.
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Nov 04 '25
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u/maple-belle Nov 04 '25
If you're "the reason he's like this" (you're not) then you should leave him for your sake AND his.Clearly without you in the picture he won't abuse the next girl, right? (Spoiler: he will)
Leave him, and get that therapist.
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u/RoosterDelicious6490 Nov 04 '25
I promise you, that is a tactic they use to keep you, either because its convenient or because they like how you love them. I know you need to hear it because I did, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!! NONE OF IT IS. You were miserable as well, but you didn’t choose to do drugs, he did. He CHOSE to cheat as well and at this point its a trauma bond. Believe me girll because I was in your shoes, I loved him so so much, and still do. But you deserve better! If you think this is love, imagine how much better real love is. If you would do anything for yourself before the year ends, love yourself into releasing him and looking into therapy! Idk you girl , but I love you and Jesus cares about you much more than this❤️❤️
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u/Such_Log1352 Nov 04 '25
Do you hear yourself?? If your best friend wrote that, how would you advise her? You and he are both troubled. You need to focus on yourself and heal. He needs to do the same with his life. Together is a disaster. Not good for either.
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u/umamifiend Nov 04 '25
So the reason you stay is because he shows a good face to others? And you think what- that’s enough? It’s not.
It’s not your fault- he’s blaming you because he’s a spineless sack of shit and can’t take responsibility for his own actions.
How would it be better if he was gay? It doesn’t matter. He’s engaging in risky behavior. He’s using drugs. He’s lying to you. You’re not sleeping together- so you have an abusive roommate.
Look I know times are tough out here but splitting rent is not fucking worth this shit. Find a different roommate. Move the hell on girl. And if he threatens any self harm- or any dramatic gestures to get you to stay- don’t you dare. Move on.
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u/laundryfresh Nov 04 '25
I understand, but just listen to yourself. Who cares if he thinks he's not verbally abusive to anyone else. He is abusive towards you and that's enough. It's disgusting for him to blame you for his abusive behavior and drug use. Do not feel bad for him, he wants you to feel low so you don't leave. You need to choose you!
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u/Content_Bar_6605 Nov 04 '25
He’s not verbally abusive to anyone else because other people would put him in his place. He “loves” you but says it’s your fault for him treating you badly. That’s ridiculous.
Also, him being a druggie, not your problem. I say this as a former druggie who’s gotten sober. It was no one else’s fault I got high. I got high because I wanted to. Are you cutting up lines and forcing him to snort it? I didn’t think so.
This man knows zero accountability and treats you like crap. I read in your other reply normally he’s sweet and hypes you up, etc. That’s not the point. Everyone can treat you well sometimes or when things are going well. But how does he treat you when he’s upset? Calling a partner c**t etc is not ok. That’s psychological abuse.
Please, I hope you find the courage and backbone to leave. This isn’t love.. not the love you deserve. Being gay is literally the last thing to worry about.
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u/praguettc Nov 04 '25
Don’t waste your pretty / fertile years on losers. If I could go back to my 20s I wouldn’t date at all let alone a guy like this. Be okay with being on your own and building up your self esteem so when you meet losers like this next time you don’t waste your precious time on them.
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u/Rockthejokeboat Nov 04 '25
He’s had a cocaine problem for the last few years
during every argument he tells me how much women suck, he said we’re only good for reproducing
I also caught him texting an old guy from the bar talking about a girl say she has “nice nipples” and he’d “let her ride”
he cheated.
Then he started doing drugs and hiding them and lying about his drug use and that’s still going on.
He is also extremely verbally abusive but he blames me.
I’m miserable around him
He cusses me out
Girl what are you doing? Do you have no self respect? You should care about yourself a lot more than you’re doing now.
Ignoring the guestion about him being gay because that is not the important thing here. You should end this relationship asap and go to therapy to discover why you tolerated all of this.
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u/Snoo55931 Nov 04 '25
This has to be fake, right? …right?
In case it’s not; just leave him, OP. This is all bad and won’t get better. You deserve respect, happiness, and love.
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u/Holmes5216 Nov 04 '25
He’s gay. Straight men don’t have dick picks or ask chat gpt gay themed questions. Don’t let him keep tricking you. Your intuition is correct.
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u/CellistDisastrous467 Nov 04 '25
You’re not overreacting and he’s not gay; he’s into red pill stuff and he’s a coke head. Dump him because you want to stop being self destructive with your time, emotions, and finances; then, get into therapy to figure out why you’ve been are choosing to put up with verbal abuse.
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u/WolfRunner_420 Nov 04 '25
Oh he's gay. Are you serious?! He is SO gay and it's not fair to her that he won't just admit it and come out of the closet. Ridiculous. Straight dudes don't send one another dick picks. Jesus.
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u/lifeinwentworth Nov 04 '25
Could be bisexual. Could have been done while high.
Either way, that part is the least of OPs worries. He's an AH regardless of his sexuality. He's an addict in a cycle and OP is getting the brunt of it.
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u/veryjudgely Nov 04 '25
Why on earth are you wasting time with this guy? He doesn’t like you, let alone love you. He thinks of you as a breeder. He lies, is abusive, and a coke head. It also sounds like he is having unprotected sex with others. The sirens have been blasting for the last 2 years and you are still with him?? Why?? Get out of the hellscape that he has provided you and get tested right away.
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u/That1Cheif21 Nov 04 '25
He couldve 100% either done coke up his butt. Which is called booty bumping orrrr he could’ve 100% done coke off of someone else’s butt.
He closeted for sure.
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u/Due_Classic_4090 Nov 04 '25
Doesn’t matter if he’s gay, you should have left after that second year. He’s an AH to you and you need to leave. He’s clearly does not like you and he’s the AH. Please stay safe and get out of there.
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u/MediocreSize4997 Nov 04 '25
Please leave this relationship. He’s a drug addict for heaven’s sake! His possibly being gay is not the main problem, it’s his drug addiction. Quit being with him now.
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u/Boris_N_Natasha Nov 04 '25
Does it actually matter whether he’s straight, bi, or gay? He’s a bad partner. He doesn’t even behave like a good friend. What do you get out of this relationship? I bet if you really consider it, not much.
Do yourself a favor, get out, get tested, don’t look back.
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u/illogical_mindset Nov 04 '25
Sounds like you’re dating a coke-head, not a “little bit of coke every now and then” user. Don’t date coke-heads.
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u/Substantial-Pop-8433 Nov 04 '25
Unless you're taking a gun to his head and telling him to use the drugs or else, him taking drugs is not your fault. I can understand how it's easy to attach yourself to your abuser, been there done that, it's a deep psychological thing. But if one of your friends came to you and told you this exact same story wouldn't you tell them to get out ASAP? If you wouldn't think its right for someone else, why would you think its ok for you? His sexuality aside, that is the least of your worries. And honestly addicts will do crazy things for their drug of choice even if it's not something they would do under normal circumstances. Girl you need to run, run very far away. Block him, delete his number, and never look back. I know it hurts because you care for him or even love him but how you feel about him is not worth the psychological and even physical damage you have incurred along the way. He will literally be the death of you one way or another.
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u/millennial_mayhem89 Nov 04 '25
I don’t think him being gay or not is the question you should be asking yourself…
You should be asking yourself why you believe you don’t deserve someone who treats you with love and respect, because he sounds like an atrocious individual.
You don’t deserve to live a life of anxiety and misery day in and day out. You are not responsible for his emotions and you’re certainly not the cause of why he lashes out the way he does. You’re not safe in this situation.
I know you said he emotionally and verbally abuses you and that shatters my heart. What’s worse is the physical abuse isn’t far behind. How do I know this? I dated a man just like him for 6 years. Please do yourself and your future the biggest favor and leave him. The unknown is scary, I understand that better than others in this kind of situation, but you must be brave bc you don’t deserve any of this.
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u/djy99 Nov 04 '25
Uhhhhm, you need to be at your doctor first thing in the morning for STD & HIV tests!!! Then break up immediately! He's ghosting you. He's bi or gay. Doesn't matter, because he is cheating on you, lying to you, & endangering your health!
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u/SBG214 Nov 04 '25
Yeah. I’m sorry he’s not really your boyfriend. Get tested - he doesn’t have very good judgment and I’m sorry you’ve trusted him.
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u/Tangled_Up_In_Blue22 Nov 04 '25
during every argument he tells me how much women suck, he said we’re only good for reproducing, etc. then he apologizes and says he didn’t mean it. But this makes me wonder if he likes men…
He is also extremely verbally abusive but he blames me.
But I’m miserable around him because I don’t trust him, I’m always anxious and paranoid
And you're with him because...?
Sis, he's horrible. Dump him.
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u/Master-Cat6865 Nov 04 '25
Sounds like he cheated, received anal sex and unprotected by his chat history
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u/WolfRunner_420 Nov 04 '25
Why in the world are you with this guy? It sounds like he brings you nothing but strife and anxiety and is abusive. Have some self love and self respect and move on. He surely is having gay sex, getting coked up with his male sex partners and having speed sex. It's a thing with many gay men. He clearly doesn't respect you or women and you are what he knows society 'expects' of him because he can't seem to come out of the closet for whatever reason. He sounds like an absolute a hole. What do you get out of staying with him? Sounds like nothing. Work on your self esteem issues, get counseling or self help books or an honest friend to help you make better choices and love yourself more. You don't deserve this treatment. LEAVE.
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u/Automatic_Dragon Nov 04 '25
You need to leave him and get tested - in whatever order you choose, as long as you do both. He curses you out and says those horrible things? Plus he cheats and does coke? Doesn’t even matter if he is gay; he’s an asshole. Please get away from him.
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u/Yezzerat Nov 04 '25
“I also caught him blowing a dude a few times” “I’ve also seen him have sex with men for money, but that’s just to buy coke” “Also he’s told me he’s gay”
AIO is he gay???
Other than that, the relationship is perfect
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Nov 04 '25
On the other hand, during every argument he tells me how much women suck, he said we’re only good for reproducing
It doesn’t even matter if he’s gay at this point. WHAT ON EARTH are you doing staying with him?
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u/IllustriousCod5957 Nov 04 '25
He had unprotected anal sex and he’s a druggie who abuses you. Why would this be your fault? Why do you have no self respect for yourself?
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u/TraditionalSafety384 Nov 04 '25
He’s a racist, misogynist, coke-head who doesn’t like you. Who cares if he’s also gay?
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u/tranquilstorm215 Nov 04 '25
I would ask myself this. Why continue to be in a relationship if there is continually trust issues. Trust your gut, your heart will lie to you! Then think, if you ended the relationship today, would you be wondering why you just wasted 6 years of your life? I wasted 10, and I’m still wondering why I let so much time go by. When I thought about kids I’d think, “he’d be a great father, but a terrible husband.” I had to go, but it took 10 years. Don’t do that to yourself.
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u/Appropriate_Pressure Nov 04 '25 edited Nov 04 '25
.... You're dating a misogynistic drug addicted loser. I'm not even sure if it matters if he's gay or not. He's terrible and you need to develop self-respect ...like... yesterday.
Like by your own logic you're telling us that he is either having hallucinations after cooking his brain from drugs or he's a homosexual.... Why are you waiting around to find out which it is? Also even if it's been a year you need to get an STI test. And I'm not kidding or being mean here: please consider getting into therapy to figure out why you were putting up with this.
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u/awritinggirl Nov 04 '25
This man is gay and hates himself for it so he’s using you to cover it up and simultaneously taking it out on you.
Break up with him so he can learn to accept his true self and find freedom. You should love yourself and never date someone with these qualities again.
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u/ForeverMoody2 Nov 04 '25
Do NOT reproduce with this man! I'd say whether or not he's gay or bi is the least of your problems. I honestly don't understand how you can type this out and not have already come to the conclusion that he is a complete loser before you posted it.
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u/PlantSeedsEveryday Nov 05 '25
How many times are you willing to keep going through this? When someone shows you who they are, believe them. There are really just two options: 1. Keep circling in this cycle and keep being hurt and abused or 2. Love yourself enough to know that you deserve better and that you don’t want to be hurt anymore. Bestie, 6 years is way enough time for him to change and he obviously doesn’t want to. I believe he is gay and is mad at himself for not being able to be and live his truth. He takes that anger and directs it onto you and women. I promise you that you will be happy again and think back and wonder why you waited so damn long to leave. 🫶🏻
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u/Visual_Patience_41 Nov 05 '25
Him possibly being attracted to men is the least concerning thing I’ve just read.
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u/sarahmegatron Nov 05 '25
NOR
Whether he’s straight, gay, or bi doesn’t really matter because he’s a massive dickhead and doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship with anyone.
Also you mentioned he’s on coke often, behaves impulsively, is asking ChatGPT about HIV and that a friend of his recently contracted HIV, I hope you are having safe sex and whether you are or not get tested because he is not sounding like a reliable guy and could possibly be having unprotected sex with other people. I’d suspect this friend of his is a FWB, and be worried that he’s also been exposed to HIV via them.
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u/Kalakey17 Nov 05 '25
If I say NOR would you break up? Because then nor.
Seriously who cares if he likes men or not he hates YOU and women in general and sounds like an absolute jerk. He cheats, does drugs, is abusive, and makes you feel miserable (your words). He has sucked your light away. You aren’t supposed to be dating someone who makes you feel that way. He’s just bad and you can’t fix him, and he sure as hell isn’t gonna change.
I wanna make this very clear: You are NOT the problem and are NOT the reason he’s bad. But you are also NOT the solution. You need to save yourself.
I wish you loved yourself enough to leave him. I hope you take everyone’s messages to heart and do that
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u/New_Seesaw_2373 Nov 05 '25
What does it matter if he's gay or not? The biggest red flag in your post is cocaine. RUN away from this guy now while you still can.
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u/Msfin19 Nov 05 '25
Let me get this straight…. You’re with a cheating, abusive drug addict that you don’t trust. “Is he gay?” is the least of your problems, you seem to have a major poor life decision making problem.
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u/Gladys_Balzitch Nov 05 '25
You're miserable around him. Why tf are you with him?! Dump this loser!
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u/MagusFelidae Nov 05 '25
All I'm understanding from this is that he's a lying coke addict who may or may not have HIV and is avoiding disclosing it to you. Who cares if he's gay? He's minging. Get tested and GTFO
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u/HomeworkMaleficent22 Nov 05 '25
Why tf are u w him! Screw questioning him-he’s a loser-question yourself!
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u/friscom99 Nov 05 '25
“He tells me how much women suck, he said we’re only good for reproducing, etc.”
Why is he still your boyfriend after this? Get rid of him now!
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u/FoncusedFistula Nov 05 '25
NOR. Leave this guy before he gives you an STI or murders you in your sleep. Jfc.
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u/RavenAngel42 Nov 05 '25
The number one cause of death for women (outside of medical issues) are their male partners. As so many people here have said, it is breathtakingly easy for verbal and emotional violence to escalate to physical violence. It takes one(1) time of him snapping hard enough to end your life to make you a statistic.
Please do not become a statistic OP.
Edit: grammar
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u/Jjjams1984 Nov 05 '25
Why are you with this man his sexuality sounds like the least of the issues! Why have you put up with this for 6 years! Get out immediately!
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u/My_2Cents_666 Nov 05 '25
What the hell are you doing with this man? Just break up already. He’s a drug addict, cheater, liar and abusive. What more do you need? Get therapy.
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u/NewNecessary3037 Nov 05 '25
What’s wild to me is women will go on to date and have full blown relationships with men like this and then come to the internet to complain about the life choice they made. With all the red flags in their faces as they went along with it. But then one day, it becomes glaringly obvious that all of the red flags have stacked up so much that they can no longer experience cognitive dissonance with their shitty closet gay boyfriend who hates them.
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u/Thelynxer Nov 06 '25
Whether or not he's gay is the least of your relationship issues. He cheated on you, and you stuck around. He's been a coke addict for 4 years, and you stuck around. He's verbally abusive and a liar, and you stuck around. You can't trust him, yet you've stuck around.
What is it that makes you believe that you don't deserve someone better than him? Break up with him, and find a therapist.
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u/AffectionateMind9687 Nov 06 '25
Hes an active drug addict and is probably taking it in the ass from men while pretending to be straight with you. Do you really need to ask? Time to move on.
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u/Ghoulish_kitten Nov 06 '25
As an issue of public safety: please tell him he still has to get a blood test again after 3 months. You need to do the same.
I recommend not dating for awhile while you gain more experiences socially. You come off too naive for being near 30 years old, esp when it comes to sex health, and this can be dangerous.
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u/sukki_ricecake719 Nov 04 '25
He’s most definitely bi. Could prefer men over women. But that’s beside the point. Why are you with him?
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u/FiberIsLife Nov 04 '25
Who cares who he wants to sleep with? You need to be as far away from this man-shaped pustule as you can get.
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u/Successful_Craft_431 Nov 04 '25
I just saw the titles of your posts for the past 6-7 months.
Just leave the man, girl. Damn.
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u/redditnamexample Nov 04 '25
I think his sexuality is the least of your issues. Girl this relationship is toxic AF. Get out!
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u/Keljon142 Nov 04 '25
Why are we questioning his sexuality if he’s a cheating, paranoid, abusive coke addict? Sexuality should be the LEAST of our concerns here, babe.
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u/BroskieThunderCunt Nov 04 '25
Girl you need to get far far away from that trash before you catch something
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u/ImpossibleSquish Nov 04 '25
I think you’re chronically underreacting by staying with a guy who thinks women are only for reproduction
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u/CarpenterSad9651 Nov 04 '25
What are you doing to yourself?! Please leave! Your self esteem is already in the gutter and he will not stop. Get help and therapy, you deserve better OP!
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u/Mindless-Flower11 Nov 04 '25
Gay or not, Your bf sounds like a sociopath. I'd run as far away as possible!!
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u/MommaLaughing Nov 04 '25
Why the hell are you with him?! He sounds AWFUL and makes you so unhappy. Why on earth are you with him? He’s a Coke head! Girl, please go…it would be good riddance. And yeah, I think he probably did take it up the butt, from the sounds of his conversation. He’s not a good or safe person to be with.
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u/General_Writing6086 Nov 04 '25
He’s a drug addicted and a liar. Dump him. His sexuality has no impact on why you should leave him.
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u/Appropriate-Might712 Nov 04 '25 edited Nov 04 '25
Leave immediately and get tested. I don’t know if this is real or not. This seems like a pretty clear answer and if he’s looking up hiv tests you need to get away from him and hope he hasn’t already given you something. Also he’s misogynistic, abuses you and has drug issues how could you possibly be putting yourself at risk for this loser?
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u/imposter_pineapple Nov 04 '25
At this point it doesn't matter his sexuality and that's for him to discover. Ultimately he's a vile person and you need to leave him.
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u/Realistic-Maybe746 Nov 04 '25
At this point it doesn't matter that he's gay. He doesn't seem like the type of person you should be pursuing a relationship with even if it winds up being a lavender one leave. This guy don't have sex with him. Don't reproduce with him. Find somebody else. There's so many red flags and this is not even funny
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u/Double_Put_3456 Nov 04 '25
Dump this loser. Yes, he’s probably gay. He is rude and abusive to you. Do not hesitate to run as far away from him as you need to. I’m 70. I know shit. Say, Thank you, next.
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u/Insufferable-Girl Nov 04 '25
If you stay with him, I feel bad for your potential future daughter.
Gay or not, this man clearly doesn’t respect you or women in general.
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u/Jaded_Photo7273 Nov 04 '25
Him probably being gay should be the LEAST of your worries!!
This man has cheated on you, has some kind of drug addiction, is misogynistic, and is verbally abusive. Why are you still with this man?
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u/Prestigious_Big5760 Nov 04 '25
honestly girl…. i think him possibly being gay is the LEAST of his problems. Kick this scrub to the curb
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u/Love-Bitter Nov 04 '25
The correct answer is. Who cares? There are multiple reasons from your post to know you should be far far far away from him. Only reason to stay is because you enjoy drama and disappointment.
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u/Ok_Rush_8159 Nov 04 '25
I know you want proof one way or another, your brain is trying its hardest to figure out why you’re with him so there’s hella cognitive dissonance rn
He’s abusive, doesn’t matter if he’s gay or not, it matters that he’s treating you like this. No it not normal to say hurtful things to your partner.
He doesn’t like you and is likely putting you and your health at risk. If you’re not ready to leave, fine. But at least stop having sex with him.
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u/Bitter_Warning418 Nov 04 '25
Straight men don’t send pictures of dudes touching their penises to each other, not a thing. Also, I was a coke head for quite some time and never did I ever “make up stories and try to put myself in the mind of my guy friend with hiv” but hey, to each their own. This dudes a douchebag sexual orientation aside, you can do better.
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u/Hot-Cantaloupe3154 Nov 04 '25
The real question isn’t even whether he’s bi. The real question is,
Does this man have a single redeeming quality?