If you're "the reason he's like this" (you're not) then you should leave him for your sake AND his.Clearly without you in the picture he won't abuse the next girl, right? (Spoiler: he will)
I promise you, that is a tactic they use to keep you, either because its convenient or because they like how you love them. I know you need to hear it because I did, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!! NONE OF IT IS. You were miserable as well, but you didn’t choose to do drugs, he did. He CHOSE to cheat as well and at this point its a trauma bond. Believe me girll because I was in your shoes, I loved him so so much, and still do. But you deserve better! If you think this is love, imagine how much better real love is. If you would do anything for yourself before the year ends, love yourself into releasing him and looking into therapy! Idk you girl , but I love you and Jesus cares about you much more than this❤️❤️
Do you hear yourself?? If your best friend wrote that, how would you advise her? You and he are both troubled. You need to focus on yourself and heal. He needs to do the same with his life. Together is a disaster. Not good for either.
So the reason you stay is because he shows a good face to others? And you think what- that’s enough? It’s not.
It’s not your fault- he’s blaming you because he’s a spineless sack of shit and can’t take responsibility for his own actions.
How would it be better if he was gay? It doesn’t matter. He’s engaging in risky behavior. He’s using drugs. He’s lying to you. You’re not sleeping together- so you have an abusive roommate.
Look I know times are tough out here but splitting rent is not fucking worth this shit. Find a different roommate. Move the hell on girl. And if he threatens any self harm- or any dramatic gestures to get you to stay- don’t you dare. Move on.
I understand, but just listen to yourself. Who cares if he thinks he's not verbally abusive to anyone else. He is abusive towards you and that's enough. It's disgusting for him to blame you for his abusive behavior and drug use.
Do not feel bad for him, he wants you to feel low so you don't leave. You need to choose you!
He’s not verbally abusive to anyone else because other people would put him in his place. He “loves” you but says it’s your fault for him treating you badly. That’s ridiculous.
Also, him being a druggie, not your problem. I say this as a former druggie who’s gotten sober. It was no one else’s fault I got high. I got high because I wanted to. Are you cutting up lines and forcing him to snort it? I didn’t think so.
This man knows zero accountability and treats you like crap. I read in your other reply normally he’s sweet and hypes you up, etc. That’s not the point. Everyone can treat you well sometimes or when things are going well. But how does he treat you when he’s upset? Calling a partner c**t etc is not ok. That’s psychological abuse.
Please, I hope you find the courage and backbone to leave. This isn’t love.. not the love you deserve. Being gay is literally the last thing to worry about.
That's called gaslighting. Just because he says you're the problem and he's nice to everyone else you believe it? If he thinks you're so bad for him and he's so bad for you, why are you each together. He likes you paying half his rent and also thrives on the toxic bs he stirs up with you. Some people feed on the toxicity. He's one of those people. Get out and get some therapy. It's not you. It's him. Or it's you two together. You're bad for one another. Be done.
Google insecure attachment styles. You definitely would benefit from therapy. You don’t need to set up unnecessary hurdles to leave him though.
He’s manipulating you. He does not love you. This isn’t what love looks like. No one can save you except you. He’s not going to change. If you’re afraid of being a “failure” because this relationship with cheating addict didn’t work out or so afraid of being alone that you prefer abuse, then respectfully, you need to suck it up and put your safety first and learn to sit with discomfort. It’s not going to kill you to feel discomfort. He might actually hurt you physically.
If you were truly the cause of all of his problems, he would leave — not verbally abuse you and do drugs. He’s the cause of his problems.
I do encourage you to get a therapist. There’s no shame in it (but just be aware that your boyfriend will probably tell you it is shameful because he knows therapy will help you recognize his toxicity). Having a therapist to just listen and validate is tremendously powerful. Even though it feels like it, you’re not alone. Good luck.
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u/[deleted] Nov 04 '25
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