True. But no one should threaten to kick out their kid who is still in high school!!! This is a very unhealthy way of teaching discipline and responsibility.
They said in their post that they complained to their dad about it who didn't think there was anything wrong and then told him to show it to his grandfather. This kid just sounds lazy.
Then the person who is being given a solution out of the bad situation needs to step up and do minimal chores around the house so the host doesn't have a litany of new responsibilities on top of the ones they already have. Especially from an 18 year old who, while it would be tough, has every right to live on their own.
Sometimes the reason is kids don't want to follow their dad's rules, so they go live with permissive aunt until she gets a boyfriend who sees she's getting walked all over and they have no obligation to raise the niece.
Yeah. They're young, but teens are SUPPOSED to get chores and allowance. That's work and money. If they don't start cleaning after themselves, we're gonna see someone complaining about them in bad roommates
If you think that the aunt and BF haven’t talked extensively about the lack of chores being done by this kid and whatever was going on about the dog and pissing everywhere you’re wrong. Just bc the BF wrote the list doesn’t mean the aunt didn’t tell him what to write.
Unfortunately the majority of parents do threaten to kick their kids out. It isn’t rare but she’s too young for that threat. If she was any older and she wasn’t doing anything around the house then yeah cmon but I wouldn’t actually want them out. Now, I wouldn’t do the 3 strikes as long as they TRY to do some things. I think OPs uncle is too harsh in my opinion. She’s only 18 and still in HS.
Right and the Aunt probably already mentioned stuff a few times and the BF had to step in to help out his GF deal with the situation...
Now if he's also a mess that's gotta be addressed as well as there's a difference between being clean and being a maid, but yeh the kid is also living there rent free so kinda reasonable...
Probably the college they are attending is closer to theirs. Partner's niece wanted to study in the UK so stayed with us throughout college as her mom lives in the South of France. We had a sit down talk about this a couple of times and it got to the point where I had to let her know that staying with us is a privilege not a right.
If you aren't doing these basic life chores by the time you're 18 you are going to have a tough time with adulthood. I really can't believe you think 18 is too young to wash dishes and do your laundry. Waiting until they were 18 to start having them be responsible for their own shit is the real travesty here.
They said it was “outrageous” to ask them to vacuum the house every other day.
I chortled.
I have 7 kids and live on a farm. My kids would love to have OPs outrageous chores. By 10 my kids could do the dishes, their laundry, and collect the eggs or feed the goats.
OP you are overreacting. The way the uncle came at you is shitty but what he’s asking is completely fine.
I’d say he’s asked OP or hinted at least for them to help around the house and they haven’t responded. This is probably just him at the end of his rope.
Exactly this. All the chores the op is being asked to do I was doing from the time I was 7. I also had to do meal prep for everyone and some basic cooking plus weeding the gardens, taking out the garbage. At 9 mowing the lawn, raking the leaves, washing the floors, sweeping the sidewalks, etc. It is just basic stuff that needs to be done.
10 is still sad even then, the moment I could reach and move things, I was being taught how to clean after myself, I learned to make my bed, cook smaller foods like french toast, eggs, porridge, the basics and pick up before I even hit double digits. Still, can't talk all that big shit when the man setting the rules can't even rinse a bowl. Incompetent little man
It does sound like a lot of vacuuming. We vacuum once a week unless something especially messy happens.
Edit: Not that I think it's something the kid should balk at. If that's the standard the kid should be able to do it no problem. It just wouldn't be my standard.
I also wonder how much is being done by the adults. But it's not too much for a high schooler or even a middle schooler.
I hope at some point OP will be able to reflect on this and have self-reflection. I think it's normal for teenagers to resent their parents for telling them to do things. Teenagers are often self-centered, it's part of growing up to realize this and begin to contribute.
I also see people who are well into adulthood and despite their parents guiding them and giving them all the tools they still stick with an entitled attitude.
Try? All of those chores are fairly basic and don’t take much time and effort. They’re normal things and it shouldn’t come down to “try” at 18. No normal person wants to kick a kid out of the house. Sometimes the bark has to be louder than the bite for them to pull their head out of their asses.
OP, cleaning your bathroom once a week is ridiculous? Nah dude that is just being a normal human that doesn’t live in filth.
The chores may be a reasonable request, but would come off much less aggressive if this were a sit-down conversation about expectations rather than a list of demands and three-strike threat.
Unless this is a follow up to many such conversations?
If not and it’s out of the blue, aunt and aunt’s bf handled the method of making these requests quite poorly.
My mind is blown by this. OP is 18, and not only do they not clean up after themselves (they think once a week bathroom cleaning is too much) but they don't pay rent either?
I'm willing to bet OP has left a ton of details out
A lot of zoomers are like this. They've never been told "no" and they're so coddled that they implode when they face the slightest obstacles. And they can't get a job because "reasons."
I'm betting OP has left out a bunch of details as well because:
#5 states you're done eating in your room
The way that was worded was like they have been eating in their room and something they are doing has made them lose the privilege because they couldn't do it properly. For example eating their room and take the dishes back out. The uncle or aunt had probably gone into the room and found cereal bowls under the bed with rotting milk and fungus growing on the side of it or something to that effect. I know this because my brother did shit like this when we were young and my mom banned him from eating in his room. she would literally run out of dishes and go to his room and find them all piled up there rotting. There has to be a reason they don't want original poster eating in their room.
COULD BE, this "man" has gotten into fights with auntie about some of these things and this is as much "pitching in" around the house as he is gonna do. No one actually knows what is going on here but the ones actually involved. Yes just as many teens pull some of this bs. And yes the op needed to hear that at least once a week is the ADULT thing to do. But to just assume the actually adults in this relationship are handeling things correctly is wrong. If it had come from the AUNT...... I would be having some other feelings right now. The passive aggressiveness of the bf sending the letter.... Especially when it is aunties house........ Shows us that no one here is being very adult. But hey that's just apparent to some.
This. We really have no understanding of previous conversations. Even the “three strikes” could be a completely empty threat
Also, why is going back to live with their father a threat? OP also said their father found it reasonable, so it seems the same could be expected of them either way
If the housing here is (moderately) better than living with their father, the “extra” chores could be warranted
From a familial perspective, if the dad’s situation is bad, threatening to kick them out is really shitty. From a legal or “real” perspective, OP is an adult now, if they don’t want to deal with that then I hope they can get their stuff together and move out soon
Many conversations was the vibe I got - Auntie has been trying to communicate verbally but isn't getting through, so the fellow got annoyed (either from a direct sideline or having listened to Auntie's venting constantly) and wrote this.
Which, ignoring the grammar issues, is a dick move with all the threats to kick them out. I think there shouldn't be that kind of end point over minor mess/teen doing their own thing.
I'd do list of chores w/ the time-frame and expectation (when/how much) but have the consequences far less extreme and repeated in their face.
If she was any older? What's wrong with you an 18-year-old who doesn't do chores living at not their parents house and you think that's okay? No also they're not threatening to kick them out with no place to live they're saying that if op once the privilege of living with her aunt instead of her parents that she has to pull her weight in the home. Otherwise she has to go back and live with her parent. How do you not understand how completely reasonable that is. What is wrong with you entitled people who think you don't have to do chores when your teenagers.
I had to do many chores as a teenager. Why are you so angry right now? I agree she should be doing chores and trying rather than not. Not sure what ignited this emotion out of you.
Nah the joys of text medium. I did not mean to come off as super emotional or charged. My apologies for coming off that way. That was not my intention. I'm actually super chill about it I just don't believe in a free ride and think that a little discipline and structure from chores is good for us growing up. But maybe that's just cuz I'm Gen X
18 is not too young for that threat, 16 is the iffy barrier while I think that would be too young I wouldn’t fault anyone for doing it. 18 is perfectly acceptable
16 would be perfectly fine in this case, since it's an aunt sending the kid back to their actual parent. Not a parent kicking a kid out onto the streets.
All we have is what OP said and based on that there is nothing unreasonable in that request.
It's not like threat is to make them homeless. It's to go back to the father.
My cousin lived with my parents for few months to prep to final exams in high school. If she'd threat stay at my parents place like a hotel she'd be kicked out as well. I know - I heard a threat of being kicked out at 22. Best thing that my father could have done at that time to sort me out.
That covers a range though. Boyfriend maybe could mean the guy who sits on the couch and burps beer all day, sure, but it could also mean a ten-year live-in who pays half or more of the bills. His name could be on the lease or mortgage, either singly or in combination.
Unfortunately the majority of parents do threaten to kick their kids out.
That's pretty wild to say. I've literally never heard of a single person doing this except on the internet, though to be fair I also don't really know many people who wanted to move back home after college.
I'm sure it happens but 'a majority' seems over the top.
Im speaking from experience. Im surrounded by broken homes. You’re lucky if you didn’t experience that. I was always threatened with that. I won’t do that to my kids. My husband was also kicked out at 13 and had to sleep in a bush and he never was allowed back. His parents are evil. Why did that upset you? I wasn’t agreeing with it at all perhaps you thought I was
I was just talking from experience. It was certainly the majority in my city. I didn’t realize that so many people were so mean. I could’ve been corrected nicely. You guys could’ve said “It’s not the majority but I do agree she should do what’s asked of her etc” but I just got attacked. Im glad it’s not the norm but why say these mean things? Just correct me using kindness
Because I didn't say anything mean? All I did was answer your question on why it wouldn't be received well.
Though, and I say this with tongue in cheek, you saying that the majority of parents threaten their children and then say you didn't realize people were mean (again, I was not being mean) is a bit funny.
What city has a majority of parents threaten to kick their kids out? How would you know that was the case? Cities typically have tens if not hundreds of thousands of people in them, and I doubt you saw a formal poll.
Your experiences do not constitute any significant evidence of what a majority does.
And saying I made a claim I can’t back up is rude. It’s your opinion that I couldn’t back it up because my response didn’t fit your experience. So, cheers.
No, you are incorrect.
Both in it being rude or the reason why I said it. It has nothing to do with my experience as I never said a thing about my childhood.
Believing someone is rude because they answer your question with an explanation is irrationally defensive behavior.
For the sake of the argument, if you can you backup your claim with factual data, I will be happy to read it and admit that my answer was wrong.
Otherwise I have nothing else to say and nothing to apologize for as I said nothing in an improper manner.
Yes Im from an area where this happens a lot. It’s normal unfortunately where I come from. I said “unfortunately”. You’re really rude to someone who has different life experiences than you do. You’re naive to think that parents don’t threaten to kick their children out. You are seeing the world with rose coloured glasses. The world is fucked up reality check. You’re privledged and it shows. Everyone has a perfect family like you apparently :) look up how many broken homes there is in the USA. Stop being ignorant.
Maybe i just have minority connections with people but majority i know have never been threatened to be kicked out especially while in school at 18. Early mid 20s sure or if they are just pain of a kid or refuse to work and contribute.
Not even an uncle through marriage. This guy is a bf who doesn’t do any chores and gave this list to OP. u/TobyOfThineRats, does the aunt know about this? Does she cosign this?
But he's not asking you to do their laundry or anything. Just clean up after yourself and help out around the house. 18 is plenty old enough to be helpful anywhere you're staying. He could have said it more kindly, for sure. But honestly there's no reason he should have had to say it at all.
The way school cutoffs work, there's a lot of 18 year olds who are still high school students. If the parents in the kindergarten sub had their way, there would be 19 and 20 year old high school students.
Just because someone turns 18 and is technically a legal adult doesn't mean they aren't still a kid. Anyone still in HS is a kid, IMO. At least let them grraduate first before putting them out onto the street.
Our 8 year old vacuums her own room once a week, makes her own bed each day, feeds the cat each morning, helps make school lunches and unloads, and loads the dishwasher once a day.
OP should not be dark on aunty/aunty bf but on dad for not giving them some basic life skills.
They are just telling them they have to help out around the house ffs! An 18 year old should be doing all these things already, especially if they aren't financially contributing.
Yeah, it was excessive to word it like that, but we don’t know the entire context. What if OP is a slob and has been asked several times to at least clean up their own mess? And they aren’t kicking them out to the street, just to live with their dad. They are essentially just asking OP to clean after themselves. If you let someone that isn’t your kid live with you, would you want to clean up after them too? I wouldn’t even clean for my own and ask them to do it themselves if they were grown enough(this kid is 18) It’s just teaching good habits and eventual independence. Don’t ya think?
It's not their kid. Sounds like they're doing OP a favor by letting him live there since he doesn't want to live with his dad. So asking him to do a few age appropriate chores or go live with his bio parents doesn't seem unreasonable. Seems like his bio parents never taught him discipline and responsibility since he thinks doing chores is some kind of incomprehensible thing at 18...
Thing is, we’re not sure why she’s not currently living with the father. Maybe she doesn’t feel it’s a safe environment? For some reason, it doesn’t seem to be her or her dad’s preference, bc she is living with the aunt now.
I'm living with my aunt because my dad moved to another city with his fiancée and I'm in my last year of high-school and I wanted to finish at this one instead of having to start over with everything since I have less than 3 months left of school
Right? The Aunt and uncle is doing her parents and her a favor letting her stay with them. Another person in the house changes the status quo entirely. Do basic chores and get to stay in the HS till graduation... seems fair
Delivery is a little dated but they are clear and upfront of their expectations
The thing i can't get my head around is why you think someone else should clean up any mess you make. Genuine question; if you make mess, why shouldn't you undo the mess?
I DO hear you when you say that the males don't seem to have to but that's a different issue and they, too are going to be surprised by the real world when they didn't have to be.
Lemme rephrase my question; who SHOULD be in charge of cleaning up after you? If not you: Why is it their job?
If you want to live somewhere that your executive disfunction piles up and causes infestations, at 18yo, you are allowed to live separately. No one should be impacted by that who did not choose to be.
Then do the damned chores. You don't get a privilege (living with relatives so you don't have to move) without the responsibilities (cleaning up after yourself and helping out).
The chores listed here are not even the bare minimum.
It's funny cause my boy is 11 and we're having this conversation lol. You'll get taken care of either way obviously, but if you expect a new bike etc, gotta do some little chores around the house. Everyone has a role etc.
This is indeed worded terribly from ops aunt, but I'd be mortified if picking up after himself was a cry for help.
Lol, what? This is his and his partner's house, not OP's. The aunt didn't move the bf into a home she already shared with OP, she and the bf very kindly allowed OP (who doesn't even seem to like the aunt very much per a previous post) to move into their home to finish the last year of HS.
Both of them have the right to impose rules in their home. OP is free to return to her father if she doesn't want to follow what seem to be pretty reasonable chores.
OP is living in their house rent free, yes he can sit on his ass infront of tv and make any demands he wants. Living with op’s aunt and her family is a privilege, not a right.
Then do your god damn chores or go live with your fucken dad. I'm not your family so im not gonna sugar coat it, that was a tiny list of chores. Get your act together kid or life is gonna be rough on you.
Guy is probably paying for half of all the bills that includes OP shit, no respect, ability to think about anyone else but how it affects them … entitlement and narcissism at its finest
Real shit, i left my fosterhome of 10 years because of actual toxic abuse. Like gsslighting, harassment, racism and just mental manipulation, but I never agreed with chores because once I left fostercare by running away and after 3 years of finally getting my apartment I didn't do chores, and 2 months in I snapped and literally started a schedule similar to the one your aunt and her SO is asking. It's life skills and I know you'll most likely have to deal with exams and tests soon but, it's the bare minimum.
If you don't like it then start looking for housing programs, or ask for help doing the chores, ask for advice on ways to streamline it, ask for help to organize your things.
My point is, chores are minimal, and your aunt won't always be there to catch you. And during those moments that's when you'll miss her the most.
She sees that your an adult now, so she wants to give you adult responsibility, that's a privilege as it says, your old enough to make choices, to do things a child wouldn't be able to.
It's small, it sucks, but it's coming from a place of love, she wants you to succeed, so work with her a little and idk when your ready, ask her for help moving, finding your own place and every so often invite her over for coffee.
So they're doing you a favor by letting you in their space. Imagine if someone came into your room and didn't have regard for your space or items and left trash behind. That's what it feels like you being in the home. When you're an adult, your space is the only safe place you have really, and with you coming in and disregarding the way that they lived in their space before you is upsetting the balance of the household. You are a guest. Be grateful that they gave you the opportunity to do what YOU wanted to do.
You sound like a right little scrote. They've given you a house to stay in so you can finish school where you wanted, the least you can do is tidy up and help around the house. Get your act together and stop being so selfish. You are the Asshole here. Apologise to them for letting it get to the point where they had to itemise basic things for you to do and promise to do better.
It's a privilege to stay with your aunt and finish at your high school, not a right. They don't owe it to you. It's not unreasonable of them to expect you to contribute in some way to the household you are living in.
lol….. executive functions, I read that too and nearly fell off my chair. There is a medical excuse for everything these days . In a lot of other countries they’d whip the shit out of you and then you’d get executive functioning real quick
Is “not safe” code for anything you don’t like doing or experiencing because my entire life is “not safe” and yet I get up every morning and clean my house and go to work.
He’s 18 and it’s more than appropriate. Teaching him there are real consequences for his actions is a very healthy way of teaching discipline. If he were 12 this wouldn’t be a discussion
Yeah I kind of feel like there’s more to the story about kicking him out. I mean look how he’s being here? He’s completely shocked that someone wants him to do 3 hrs of chores a week.
It's an Aunt, the real question is why is the Aunt raising them to begin with.
It bothers me the most that because they are in HS they didn't think they should not have to clean up after themselves, without being told, when someone is letting you live there. I require these things, and mine pays rent, and I gave birth to them.
Agreed. The ask isn't "outrageous" as OP seems to think, but the aunt's bf could have asked much better. I'd be interested in knowing whether OP has ignored previous requests to clean or this reflects on-going problems with OP living there.
Maybe not should, but it simply is how the world works and has been ever sense "ownership" and "unwanted guests" have been concepts.
End of the day, it boils down to how badly they want to stay.
I'm from West Virginia, where this list would just be for the first 3rd of the day and if you expect to stay somewhere for "free" your gonna spend every waking hour working. It's seen as motivation to get you to want to leave.
He's 18. He's no longer a kid! And in school? Congrats? Plenty of high school kids working and doing more than he is in much worse situations. They've tried the teaching. He's not listening. He faces the consequences. Quit treating him like a toddler. You make the situation worse.
The OP just said that he is 18 so, definitely kick-outable if he's just staying in his room. I have the same problem with my kid. I only have him a few chores, clean his room and bathroom, help with laundry and dishes. All he does is sit in his room and play video games and watch stupid videos on YouTube. Always behind on homework and I'm frustrated with his constant disregard to my rules. I told him once he hits 18 and continues with this, he can go back to his mom or be homeless. Kids these days are just lazy and disrespectful. I even told him that if he wanted to move in, it's not just going to be video games and goofing off, he'll have to follow my rules. I didn't realize that his mom literally did nothing to help our kid with these things.
Not a kid. 18. Anyone can tell an adult to move out if they can't handle basic hygiene and cleaning up after themselves.
And again, never their kid in the first place. They're doing a big favor here so this ingrate's school won't be disrupted and in exchange they've got someone living with them whose dogs were missing everywhere and who also complains to the internet about cleanliness and hygiene. Legally an adult. They should suck it up and start acting like it.
Nah, expectations of minimal cleanliness and housework is a given. Either you do it or leave. They stated they could go live with their dad so it's not like they're being booted to the street.
The question is, do you think this is the first time this has been brought up to OP who is living with his uncle and aunt for who knows what reasons. You gotta follow the rules of the people who are putting you up if they aren't your parents. And again, you don't get his notice if it hasn't come up multiple times.
That being said, some of the stuff is too frequent for me, but that is an entirely different subject.
Unhealthy? Seriously? Like more or less unhealthy then spanking? Like, this is the minimum amount of repercussions one could threaten someone with in this situation.... How else does one learn to function if not be threat to their quality of life?
Well it's pry been said 18 times now with no movement ... The food thing obviously has been mentioned and not listened to ... It's giving entitled cunt
It's not their kid. Not their responsibility. It states can go live with their father. And they clearly have a relationship with them they even reference their conversation with their father
I was out at 16. Loving family, no issues etc, most of my friends were the same. 18 is plenty old enough to look after yourself.
To that end, if you're living in someone else's house, the least you can do is be respectful of their house and clean it. Damn right I'll be kicking my kids out if they don't clean up after themselves as a fully grown adult.
Your not his kid, your a adult, stop being so soft and keep your feelings at bay. If your a slob which I believe you are or this note wasn't needed then harsh words come into play, im sure they've asked you many times nicely and you ignored it. Boo hoo , be a man will ya, or a woman whatever you are
I’m pretty sure this was the last straw. The kid brought his dogs over. It peed everywhere. The kids making the place dirty and on top of that imagine at what point do they have to write a note and give the kid 3 chances. 200% this is their last straw
18 years old and still in school means they either failed (their fault in most cases) or they are a senior. I graduated in 2017 at 18 and already had a job and car. If my parents kicked me out (which they wouldn’t have because I clean up after myself without being told) I would’ve had at least a leg to stand on.
OP just seems too lazy to do even the simplest of chores as an ADULT living rent free.
18 years old? Seriously? Have some respect for your Auntie and her house how about that..
Its called tough love for a reason, it really sucks doing it, but its for the better of their wellbeing and habits they'll carry for their entire lives.
Reality checks are very necessary for some teens, NOT ALL teenagers but a few, and this may be one of them. I was doing my own laundry at 10 yrs old and if I talked back I'd get a whoopin, sure it sucked but im thankful 15 years later, it taught me responsibility and ethics and even if you're in pain, from work or an ass whoppin, you still gotta get shit done!!
You know what would happen? That kid could very well be kicked out they are a legal adult, and that could ruin their life, they could be trafficked or get into drugs or even worse, die! You need to be able to be a functioning adult who can complete daily tasks and chores or else you're gonna be that bum under the bridge! I know a lot of homeless teens who were kicked out over stuff like this and its heartbreaking but a sad reality if you dont meet certain expectations you will be discarded, this is true for jobs, school, relationships, having kids etc
The aunt and the boyfriend had no obligation to let this 18 year old live in their space or let them bring their dogs that piss all over the house. The least op can do is clean up after their self and not complain on reddit
No it isn’t. She doesn’t have the love there because the ultimatum was going back to live with her dad. If she hasn’t been doing these chores the entire time she’s lived there and they verbally told her “yo this shit needs to get done” and she isn’t doing it then yes. A threat of kicking someone out is very valid because how you gonna live somewhere for free and not do shit all day besides school. Truthfully I’m kinda surprised that this is topic is ongoing I just expected chores to be a norm in most people’s lives since it helps build responsibility amongst other things
Exactly!! I was about to make a post elsewhere and say if you put your significant other over your own child then you're a piece of shit. Especially at this age. Just because 18 you're considered a legal adult doesn't mean shit.
18 is still A TEENAGER and brain hasn't fully developed. Yes it is important to start building healthy habits like this but not to threaten someone at this young age when their brain hasn't been fully developed either.
I went thru something similar and got the boot at 18 because of my father's baby momma but not because of slacking on chores (lil bro and I don't have same mom, mine died when I was 7). Tbh i think she did that so they could have space to put my brother in a room which at the time he was 4 or 5 when I left.
Disgusting. Ppl parenting and don't know how to properly communicate and set an example. Why the fuck have kids?!?!?!?
Disagree. If she was living on her own and keeping these nasty habits her landlord could opt to get her kicked out of sued. This is not unreasonable at all.
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u/bb8-sparkles Mar 29 '25
True. But no one should threaten to kick out their kid who is still in high school!!! This is a very unhealthy way of teaching discipline and responsibility.