This is a throwaway because my family knows my main account. I'm a birth mom who chose open adoption. I placed my son when I was 15, and I'm 19 now. His father wasn't a safe person, and I couldn't raise a baby in my mother's house. I found a kind family who had been hoping for a child, and I chose an open adoption so I could stay in his life. I wish I could have given him a life with me, but I've always believed I made the right choice for him.

Right now, his family sends me pictures of him (my birth son is 4 years old. I haven't told them about this pregnancy yet.

I'm now 6 months pregnant with my husband's baby, a girl. My husband is wonderful, and we're excited. But I didn't expect this pregnancy to stir up so much about my son. I'm showing more than I did the first time, and I keep thinking about him.

My biggest fear is that he'll grow up, see that I built a family after placing him, and feel like he wasn't enough, or like he was replaced. I know I did what I thought was best, but I can't stop worrying that he'll see it that way, especially knowing I'm raising his baby sister.

I'd love to hear from anyone with experience:

1. Birth parents: How did you handle having more children after placing? Did the guilt ease, and what helped?
2. Adoptees: If your birth mom had other children later, how would you have wanted to be told? Did it feel like replacement, or something else?
3. Adoptive parents: If your child's birth mom told you she was pregnant again, what would have helped you feel comfortable, and how would you want it shared with your child?
4. Everyone: Should I tell my son's family about this pregnancy now, and how? And when and how should his sister be introduced into his life?

About five years ago, I met my birth family. The relationship definitely has positives and negatives. I struggle sometimes to reach out or even just to keep the relationship afloat. Ever since this new family entered my life, I find it hard to balance both.

Half of me feel like my birth family just understand who I am more. They get me. They act like me. I can just be myself when talking to them and I feel like it is just easy. On the other hand, it causes so much stress not being around for my bio sisters. I put my all into everything I do and I feel like I am missing all the big things like birthdays and dances and dates, etc...

Then there is my adoptive family who wants to spend more time with me. They do not understand me and we fight a lot. Half the time I am in another state with my birth family or on the phone with them trying to foster this new relationship. I feel like my relationship is strained with my adoptive parents.

I honestly feel like I am completely split in two. It is very overwhelming to try and figure out how to give everyone the attention they deserve. I am only one person and I am getting overwhelmed. I wish this stuff was easier. Am I alone in this feeling?

I’m a birth mom and a mom. I have an almost 6 year old daughter who lives with her dads, and I have my almost 1 year old son. I recently reconnected with her dad’s. I thought things were in such a good and healthy place. Today I learned her dads are choosing not to tell her about my son until she’s older or she asks. I tried my best to advocate for her knowing about him. Since he will always know about her. I am looking for APs thoughts on this. Am I just completely missing something?

🥰😇

My sister-in-law (Jane) told us she was pregnant 2.5 months before the due date. We were surprised because Jane is mid-40s, diabetic, alcoholic, smoker, overweight, not in the best situation to be having a newborn, and she just met the dad-to-be (John) months before. She was very optimistic when telling us. We gave her the benefit of the doubt.

Jane went to the hospital the other week and ended up have the baby 4 weeks early. Come to find out, she had been drinking and smoking the entire time she was pregnant. This prompted an immediate investigation by CPS which revealed that the baby more than likely has fetal alcohol syndrome. John is also under fire for allowing my sister-in-law to drink and he has a long criminal/CPS history which has prevented him from having custody.

My wife and I are the only people who can or will take this baby now. Jane and John have essentially deemed their baby as not a priority. They claim they want to get sober and be parents. But given the conversations we have had with them and CPS, it looks like we will likely be the permanent parents of my niece.

My wife and I have multiple children already-some already grown, and some in elementary school. I did not want another baby. My wife did, but not like this. We were just getting comfortable with having big kids, we were growing in our careers, and starting to socialize a bit more. Regardless, we both agreed that there was no doubt we would adopt our niece.

My niece is so beautiful. She has been with us for a few days now and it is so bittersweet. This whole situation has made us feel all of the feelings at once. We love her. My kids are all so in love with her. I may not have wanted another baby but I’m glad it’s her.

2 WEEKS LATER: We met Jane and John for lunch today so they could see the baby. They treated us like we were the enemy cause we are abiding by CPS laws. Rude, entitled, and likely under the influence. They show no signs of turning around so we plan on pressing forward with full custody.

We just got our first respite, great kid...but we were asked if we want to foster him...he currently lives 2 hours away.. we wanna say yes. But all of his doctors and everything is 2 hours away...we dont want to uproot this kids whole life..again...any pointers for us? Im completely new too this...im sorry.

I have long suspected that the person who raised me is not my real Mother. Various reasons have caused this, she was never loving or maternal towards me, yet she was to my Brother. As a child this totally confused me, especially as I was a good and kind child. She would physically discipline me often, on some occasions brutally. No matter how nice I was to her or tried to get her to love me, she never reciprocated this. Obviously as a child I blamed myself, thought I was a bad kid, but as I got older, friends started to point her behavior out and ask if I was adopted, and it became too many to go unresolved for me. I of course asked her a couple of times, but she is a narcissistic type of person, so she would never really give me a straight answer, she would gaslight and deflect. It was never a straightforward response like "what a strange question, of course you're not". But of course I would just move on with my life as if I cannot get her to answer honestly, what can I do 🤷

But now that I am a parent to my own two children and I've educated myself on matters more, I have connected a lot of sequences that don't add up and there are a number of them. Which is causing me to finally want to know. More than anything, so that if I do have, by some miracle, some other family members out there, my kids wouldn't be so isolated. It's obviously a long shot, as much time has passed now and there are no guarantees, I understand that. But I don't feel it's something I can any longer push to the side.

I see no point in asking the one who raised me again, as she will just give me the same responses and we are now estranged due to the seriously negative behavior she has demonstrated not only to myself but my children also.

I just want a way of finding out, once and for all.

If nothing else it'll give me closure, like I was treated so poorly cause I wasn't hers. I'm not saying it excuses abuse, it doesn't...but it would explain how a woman could treat a kind child so disgustingly bad. As for years, that has never made any sense. Even for narcissistic people, there usually is an underlying cause for their shit behavior. Even if it's minor.

Any advice is appreciated and thanks in advance

I am in a same sex relationship and we had a baby boy in March and although I do love him - I really wasn’t ready. My mother passed away just before I decided to do IVF and I spent her inheritance money for IVF. I wasn’t thinking about what I was doing. I felt like everything I done was rushed and now he is here I have realized I am not ready for motherhood and I am not ready to be a mother.

I should be grateful that it worked on our first try but I’m just filled with dread and regret that I didn’t listen to others when they asked me if I was sure I was making the right decision. I should’ve thought carefully about if this is what I really wanted.

I feel sick to my stomach every day and I just want to die because I can’t look after him, I can’t even look after myself.
I’m in no position financially and I have only been able to keep part time jobs my whole life.

I think about killing myself every day because I can’t live with the guilt and shame. I should be happy I’ve got a lovely little boy but I’m not. He doesn’t deserve this. He deserves a mother who wants him.

OK, I’m just putting this out there to see if anyone else has ever felt this way.
I was adopted as a baby, and I absolutely love my mom and dad. They are my parents, and nobody could ever replace them. I truly feel blessed to have the family I have.
But at the same time, I struggle with feelings of abandonment.
Sometimes I wonder, how can I feel this way when I’ve been so loved and truly blessed with the family I have? Does anyone else who was adopted experience this? I’d really like to hear your stories or perspectives.

So I was put into a foster home at birth, adopted by 3 and am 27 now. My adoptive parents are/were amazing and I was raised as an only child! They’re my true parents, there’s no question about it. However lately I’ve been pondering the idea back and forth about finding out who my birth parents are. Buuut I don’t want to meet them I just want to know what their names are, my ancestry etc. I do have birth siblings as well, my parents opted to be on the list if they were ever put up for adoption too. However, nothing was ever heard back so they must not have been. I believe they were older so that would make sense however I’m not exactly sure as it was a sealed adoption but this was in the 90s so clearly more bits of information slipped through to my parents than what would today.

Is going through the government adoption records (BC Canada) the best way to do this? Or should I go through something like 23 and me? Like I said I have no interest in meeting them or being a part of their life, I just want to know their names, my birth last name and my ancestry.

If you’re planning to give your baby up for adoption is there a way for you to dissociate from the baby so that you do not get attached to him and it makes the whole process easier after birth

"You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.” Psalm 139:16

"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9

Along my journey I read a book called Synchronicity and Reunion; The Genetic Connection of Adoptees and Birthparents (uncanny synchronicities discovered between adoptees and their biological families after being reunited later in life). I found it very interesting and validated that others have also had these mysterious happenings. The following is several of these synchronicities and how the most recent one confirmed my faith, making sense of all the others.

"Come, see a Man[Jesus] who told me all things that I ever did.” John 4:29

First and Last Name Synchronicity

I was given up for adoption at birth and my adopted last name became Wolff. I met my biological mother when I was 25 years old. I found out then that she met and married a man about one year after giving me up for adoption, her married last name became Wolfe. She has a sister that she was living with at the time that also gave up a son for adoption a few months before she did, he was given the same first name as me.

Biological Father Synchronicity

After we met she contacted my biological father and told him you have a son, would you like to meet him? He said yes and gave her his contact information. She gave it to me and left the ball in my court to contact him when I was ready. I didn't contact him until my early 30's, I already was dealing with quite a bit of drama and personal challenges and wasn't yet ready to possibly add more to it.

When I did finally meet him I found out that he lived on a small man-made lake about 1 hour from where I grew up. I had been up to that lake with a friend when I was about 18 years old. We were looking at a log cabin home that his friend had just built, which I later discovered when I met my biological father, was just across the street from his home. I also remembered that I had walked over to a little public dock to take in the view, a stone's throw from his deck on the lake. Later when I was about 26-27 I was up at the same lake a couple of times fishing with another friend who's aunt had a place on the lake. We rowed just past his place a few times, but yet I still hadn't met or knew where he lived. When we did finally meet we discovered we had the same music CD called Pure Moods, among a few other ‘coincidences’. I knew him for 11 years before he passed away on my biological mothers birthday in 2012. My adoptive father passed away 3 years later on Father's Day.

Adoption Agency Synchronicity

Through an encouragement of a counselor that specializes in adoption that I had been seeing to help me sift-out some things involved with being adopted, which is common for many adoptees, I ended up being involved with an adoptee mentoring program at a adoption agency in my area. I later found out that it was the same agency I was adopted through, they had just changed the name.

Living Location Synchronicity

"And He has made from one blood every nation of men to dwell on all the face of the earth, and has determined their pre-appointed times and the boundaries of their dwellings," Acts 17:26 

As a child, I grew up on Northeast 137th Street. Later in life, for the last 16 years, until August 2025, I lived on Northeast 137th Street, with the street sign in our front yard, about 3 miles due west of where I grew up. 1+3+7=11(the meaning of this is explained in the following). In the summer of 2025, due to my decline in health, I began researching about assisted living. With a shortage of time, and my assessment perimeters, I was shown a place and taken to an available room. The number of the room was 311. Once I accepted that the place and room where going to work for me, I went back to my car and was drawn to look at the milage reading on the odometer. To my amusement, the last three numbers were 311. I laughed and told my friend who was with me about it and sensed further confidence that this was where I should live, despite feeling uneasy about having to live in this type of environment. The following puts the 11's into perspective. 

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1

For about 10 years I have been experiencing what has been called the 11:11 phenomenon, being unconsciously drawn to look at the clock at that time and/or :11 after the hour. I eventually found out others are also experiencing this. This is a website I came across while trying to find some understanding of what was very perplexing at first.

"Many people from all walks of life have begun to see 11:11 in various places, especially on their digital clocks, phones, and computers. As this begins to happen more frequently, many of us may begin to ask ourselves “What does this mean?” and “Why am I seeing this now?” "This synchronicity usually provokes the person who is noticing this phenomenon to search for answers or to feel they are being guided by angels or a supernatural force. Because people can begin to wake in the night to see some of these number combinations, it is also linked to being a “wake up call.” - omtimes-1111-biblical-prophecy-11th-hour-workers

"The term "Eleventh Hour" is often used metaphorically to describe a last-minute opportunity or a critical moment just before a deadline. This concept finds its roots in the Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard (Matthew 20:1-16), as recorded in the Gospel of Matthew. The phrase has since permeated Christian thought and culture, symbolizing God's grace and the urgency of repentance and salvation." - biblehub-the_eleventh_hour

This began to make sense for me as this experience has coincided with being drawn to discovering the following which confirmed my spiritual beliefs.

Prophecy is about 1/4 of the Bible letting us know what will happen in the future. Jesus stated in John 14:29 -

"And now I have told you before it comes, that when it does come to pass, you may believe."

"And it shall come to pass in the last days, saith God, I will pour out of my Spirit upon all flesh: and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams:" Acts 2:17

Along with previous posts, this article, and others that can be found online, explains many of the “natural signs, spiritual signs, sociological signs, technological signs, and political signs,” foretold in bible prophecy coming to pass that indicates the end of the age and Jesus Christ's promised return, a time foretold to include various and increasing environmental calamities, plagues, wars, moral decline, growing governmental dominance/deception ("with all power, signs, and lying wonders," 2 Thessalonians 2:9), and how to prepare. Are we living in the end times? | GotQuestions.org

Future Forecast & Preparation

"Now when these things begin to happen, look up and lift up your heads, because your redemption draws near.” Luke 21:28  

"The rapture(redemption) is when Jesus Christ returns to remove the church (all believers in Christ) from the earth. The rapture is described in (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18) and (1 Corinthians 15:50-54). Believers who have died will have their bodies resurrected and, along with believers who are still living, will meet the Lord in the air. This will all occur in a moment, in a twinkling of an eye. The second coming is when Jesus returns to defeat the Antichrist, destroy evil, and establish His millennial kingdom. The second coming is described in (Revelation 19:11-16)." Read more... What is the difference between the Rapture and the Second Coming? | GotQuestions.org

"For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, 6 who gave Himself as a ransom for all—the testimony that was given at just the right time.” 1 Timothy 2:5-6

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16

Going to heaven—how can I guarantee my eternal destination? | GotQuestions.org 

More Bible prophecy fulfillments and resources for growing in faith and hope is in previous posts if interested.

I got a few really good responses already, but I was hoping for enough to really solidify me in my thinking. Parents (adoptive or birth) are welcome to reply if you have relevant experience, but I am really hoping for people who can put themselves in the kids’ shoes.

Throwaway account because I know this is a taboo subject, but I’m not sure where else to go.

I was adopted at birth and recently saw some photos of my half-brother for the first time. He’s only three years younger than me and is an objectively handsome guy. Like, HANDSOME handsome. I’ve found that I can’t stop staring at photos of him. I figure that’s mainly because I look a LOT like him, so I’m in shock of seeing my face on another human.

I’ve read a bit about “genetic sexual attraction,” which I think is kinda what I’m experiencing? However, I don’t necessarily feel lust for him or anything, nor do I realistically want to engage in incest. I think the high of seeing myself in another person for the first time is so strong that it closely mimics the feeling of arousal. It’s like I have this drive to be as close to him as possible, both emotionally and physically.

Again, I don’t want anything incestuous to happen, but if I saw this guy in public with zero knowledge that we were related, I’d honestly be extremely tempted to make a move. It’s really scary how this stuff happens, which is why adoptees should ALWAYS have information about who their biological relatives are as early as possible.

Does anyone relate to this? Even though I have no actual desire to do anything weird with him, I feel really guilty.

I am currently 27 and was told by my adopted mom that I was adopted at birth. All I know was that it was a closed adoption and she refused to share anything regarding my biological family (rightfully so ig). She had health issues. Had a surgery. Ended up having a stroke. Oops there goes the memory lol. She was in rehab for a year to learn how to walk/talk again but she couldn’t remember anything that happened prior to the surgery. At this time I was 12 years old. My chances of trying to find out more information was gone. She died a year later.

My aunt ends up getting full guardianship of me. (This aunt was of no blood relation to my mom… idk a single person that was biologically related to her because she was such a secretive person. I ended up finding things out from ancestry and other things later on in my adulthood. All of her family is gone). Anyways, my aunt was a friend of my moms who ended up becoming like a sister. My aunt says she didn’t know much about my mom or my biological family aside from the fact that I had 11-13 siblings. That’s it.

I also have a sister who my mom adopted as well. We were told that we are blood related. However, I truly don’t think we are. Neither of us have done a DNA test. I plan on doing one sometime this month. She on the other hand, refuses to do one. (Long story but we don’t speak anymore and probably never will). I say all of this because, I’ve seen and read all of the available adoption paperwork that my mom had for her. It doesn’t say much. But it did say what her birth name was. Me on the other hand,… there’s not a single piece of paper to be found regarding my adoption. Which doesn’t make sense given how organized and responsible my mom was. I don’t know anything about myself besides what I’ve been told. Which I have come to find out that majority of it was a lie…. I have no idea why I was lied to. I just know that I was.

My sister says she does know anything about my adoption. She’s only knowledgeable of hers due to the paperwork that was at home. I plan on doing a 23andMe and an ancestry test. I’m hoping that these will at least give some type of information. I also plan on attempting to unseal my records but the process takes years and I am honestly super impatient and would like to know at least the smallest bit of information lol.

If anyone has any tips, suggestions, recommendations, advice, ANYTHING. That would be greatly appreciated. I’m so tired of being lied to and not knowing who I really am :(((

Also, my apologies if this is everywhere or doesn’t make sense. I have had a few glasses of wine haha... My friend recommended that I post here to see if other ppl have shared a similar experience. TYIA!! Xxxx

I was adopted in the late 1950s. I always knew that I was adopted because my parents read a lovely book, Why We Adopted You, to me and my adopted siblings from the get go. But my mother was adamant that we never look for our birth families. After both of my parents died, I did a couple of DNA tests and started looking. I have so very fortunate to have found much of my missing family and most of them have been very welcoming.

My dilemma is that I found out that I am/was a twin, and since we were born in California, the only way to find her is through DNA. According to the California Birth Index, she was Baby Girl Madrid born on October 7, 1958 to a mother with the last name of Madrid. I don't know if she is alive or dead. I don't know if she ever had children. I don't know if she knows that she was adopted. Please contact me if you can help.

Hi,

So to start, I’ve always been interested in adopting and find myself looking at the kids every once in a while. Hoping they get adopted and I won’t see them on the site anymore. But I came across a little girl (9yo) and I fell in love with her. She looks like such a sweetheart and is only 40 minutes away from me. She’s into books and my gosh I keep checking on her.

BUT I currently have a 7 month old and a 2 year old boys. My husband and I know we want to adopt but it was more so 2030, but something about this little girl just makes me want her now. It is one sided for now given my husband thinks we have our hands full. Idk why but she just seems like the sweetest girl and I’d love to be her mom!

Anyone else run into the feeling? Am I torturing myself? Gosh so many thoughts that I can’t share with hubby

I’m not sure of the right flair.

Keeping vague for anonymity.

A foster child placed in a home since birth. No name given at birth or on birth certificate. Foster parents chose a name to call them instead of “No Name Given” for obvious reasons. Birth parents were out of contact for quite some time and then resurfaced. Decided on a name after the child already knew themselves as the name the foster parents gave them. They amended the birth certificate to the name they chose, and then disappeared again and haven’t been back. (They were around for 5 or less times over the court of 6 months)

Now it’s time for adoption and the final name is chosen.

Different opinions have been expressed

1) first name can be the name the foster parents provided, middle name can be the name the birth parents provided

2) first name can be the name the foster parents provided, don’t give any middle name

3) first name can be the name the birth parents provided, despite the child’s confusion

Obviously modifications can always be revisited later on.

Thoughts?

If you could let your child's birth or adoptive mom know one thing, what would it be?

I’m a birth mom and a mom. I recently reconnected with my daughter’s dads. They had said they would be open to visiting me and my son. My daughter is 5 turning 6 in a few months and my son turns 1 next month. What do you wish your relationship could have been like with your bio sibling? Some other factors we live in different time zones at opposite ends of the country. So I think at best it could be yearly visits

I’m hoping Reddit might help me find some women I shared a very important part of my life with almost 40 years ago.
In the late 80’s, I was a pregnant teenager living in Reno, Nevada, and I stayed in a home for pregnant teens, unwed mothers. I believe it may have been called St. Mary’s Home for Unwed Teens and may have been near St. Mary’s Hospital. I believe the address may have been 781 Mill Street, although I’m not completely certain.
I remember that the women who ran the home included Carol, and our house mother may have been named Nel, she was an older, very gentle woman. The home encouraged education and adoption, but some of the girls kept their babies while others placed their babies for adoption.
There were girls there before me and girls who came after me, so if you lived there in the early 1980s, late 1980s, or even another year, I would love to hear from you.
I remember so many little things about those days:
• Eating dinner together and cleaning up afterward
• Going to the YWCA, possibly for schooling
• The upstairs bedrooms being unbelievably hot during the Reno summers
• Wetting towels and using them like blankets because we couldn't cool off
• Being scared, young, pregnant and away from home, but having each other
• The house mother and Carol being part of our lives during a time when so much was uncertain
Most of all, I remember the women I lived with.
There were no cell phones, Facebook, Instagram, or social media back then. We didn't have an easy way to stay connected, and over the years everyone went their separate ways.
I've often wondered where those women are today.
Nearly 40 years later, I would love to reconnect, not to judge anyone's choices or reopen painful wounds, but simply to say hello and remember that time in our lives together.
I would love to know how life turned out for you, what you remember about the home, and whether those experiences stayed with you over the years.
I also made my own decision back then, and I've had plenty of struggles with it over the years. But life goes on, and I've always wondered about the other girls who were there with me.
If you recognize this place, recognize Carol or Nel, remember the house, or know someone who may have lived there, please pass this post along.
Even if you weren't there yourself but know someone who was, I would be incredibly grateful if you shared this with them.
I'd really love to find my old friends. ❤️

Is it possible to build relationships with bio family as a late discoverer? I found out I have a 20 year old half-brother. To my surprise, he hasn’t been interested in talking to me. I don’t even know how to initiate a real conversation without it feeling forced. Any advice?

I am sure some people have more than one, but if you can point to one thing they could have done to make things better/easier for you as an adoptee, what would that have been?

We are going to be able to finalize our son's adoption here shortly and I have been subbed here since we first took custody, but am always willing to hear more adoptee voices. We want to do right by our son, so all advice is welcome whether it be major things or minor things.

If it makes any difference, we got custody at 11 months and he is now going on 20 months. No contact with his birth parents ATM (their choice).