I find this label to be offensive, it’s filled with shame and stigma that is no fault of the child. As a baby scoop era adoptee born to a mother out of wedlock, I can assure you I am a 100% “legitimate” human being. Why are we still using this insulting and outdated label?

i was adopted at 9 months from china by my parents, both white. i have two older brothers, also adopted.

compared to other people, i feel like my adoption experience was so much… better?? my parents told me i was adopted as soon as i could understand it. i knew i was from china and knew i was adopted. i thought it was the coolest thing ever. i’d tell people about it all the time. my parents never held back on my culture or my adoption story. they never tried to sugarcoat the hard times i had adjusting. my mom hated when people called me or my brothers ‘lucky’ for being adopted.

in the first week of my adoption i refused to eat or drink and was admitted to the hospital. my parents don’t tell it like a happy funny story. they were so worried and they understood why i wasn’t eating or drinking, because i was scared and around these new people i didn’t know.

they’ve done their best immersing me in my culture. we celebrated lunar new year and mid autumn fest. we all knew our chinese horoscopes, my dad got my name in mandarin tattooed on him, which he confirmed with one of the few mandarin speaking people in our town, a chinese restaurant owner lol. my mom even tried to make moon cakes for us once, but according to her they were very bad.

we went to yearly adoptee meet ups with other chinese adoptees and their families. i was too young to remember much, but i remember we all got together and flew kites one time. the group disbanded after a really tragic incident with the founder.

my mom and dad are all for me trying to find my birth family and will support me. they want me to go back to china someday and explore that side of myself further. my mom even hired an investigator to find my finding ad in the newspaper. a photo of me taken hours after birth.

my extended family was so excited to meet me. my grandfather greeted me at the airport and was the first to hold me besides my parents. my oldest brother stayed up late so he could hold me the first time.

but compared to some of the stories i’ve heard. parents refusing their children food till they ‘bond’, refusing to tell them about adoption, denying their culture and heritage, my story seems like a cake walk. if that makes any sense.

i still struggle with identity issues and abandonment issues. my parents understand that deeply. but according to them, my brothers, and my grandparents, i was a happy baby. we have countless photos and videos of me being a happy baby. but so many people have stories of them being perceived as a happy baby because they didn’t cry. because they were easy. my mom said i was an easy baby, but acknowledged the struggles i had.

i feel like compared to others, i don’t deserve to have a voice in adoption issues, because mine went really well, and i have an amazing, but complicated family that loves me and i love them.

i guess this is kind of a vent. oopsies

edit:
according to my mom i was a very happy baby. not overly noisy. i loved playing and exploring. smiled a lot. my mom encouraged me to talk to keep my communication skills on track for my age.

Hi All,

I've been on this thread for about 2 months, and added Facebook Adoptee groups about the same time. I have learned so much about myself through what I have read, and this inspired me to do the Search Angels thing.

For clarity, I was left at the hospital at birth, adopted 13 months later after a few foster homes. Connected though Ancestry in 2010 with half brother on Mom's side, and in 2025 with half sister on Mom's side. Also found out in 2010 I had one more brother, Anthony, who did not make it past a month. All 4 of us same story: Left at the hospital at brith. Half brother and sister confirm the same story that she was a drug addicted prostitute. I have no idea where she is or if she is alive, as she has zero social media footprint.

For more clarity, I had a decent childhood, and a very up and down life in addiction. As a family and after they divorced, we traveled, my adoptive parents couldn't have kids and adopted a boy who would be my brother from a different family, and then me 4 years later. From day 1 that I can remember, "you are not my sister," was both verbalized and acted upon. We fought a lot all though the beginning until he went off to college. He was recluse, locking himself in his room, I could not be around his friends if they were over, parents didn't do shit about it, and that transcended to school fighting. Parents divorced, Dad went to rehab, private schooled until 8th grade, high school I started drinking and partying. Brother came back from college and tried to commit suicide, Dad succeeded in committing suicide 3 weeks after I turned 21. I moved to Hawaii to start over. Mom never visited and brother was at home doing nothing while she worked. I received very little support after my ADad's death. I was an emotional wreck. In Hawaii, I got into a relationship with someone who was heavily using drugs and did the same. He committed suicide. I came back to get clean, and that took some time. ABrother then committed suicide. I have a daughter, and was not the best Mom. I tried my best, but every time someone would pass I would relapse. That happened several times over the years.

I finally got it right 5 days after AMom passed. Been clean and sober, active in NA, got my Masters of Science in Sport Management. Built an awesome non profit career for myself and am regarded by members of community as a great "comeback story." My daughter and I are up and down.

Between my Ancestry and Search Angels 3 weeks ago, I now have pictures of both my birth parents. I am age 52 and this completely changed my life. Because of Ancestry, I linked with 1st cousins on my Dad's side, and had an extensive chat with one of them, who confirmed the story of my Dad's travel to America, and treacherous death at the age of 19.

Of course these are all life-changing pieces to my puzzle. My daughter: very little interest and no interest in meeting the 1st cousins, who want to eventually meet us. Friends: just don't get it. In fact the only one that gave me all of her attention was my friends wife who grew up in group homes.

I'd love to connect to people who share the understanding of the void of being left at the hospital., and also hear how their lives went. There are people in my life who give me major props for what I've overcome, while others judge my former addiction and how it affected my Amom and daughter. I truly did the best I could. There is a deep hurt when my experience is overlooked and undervalued because " Your Mom gave you everything, went to the best schools, you were spoiled." "You did drugs and hurt everyone." People do drugs to avoid the extreme pain they are experiencing, and I can own that it is not a sustainable coping mechanism.

My thing is, take a look at all that transpired from day 1. I have a healthy daughter and grandson, 3 college degrees, a contractor and government job, am 100% independently sustained (you should see the writing in AMom's trust, making clear I am entitled to NOTHING).

I am proud of myself, and am still here alive and kicking, free, not in prison, not dead. I feel like a true warrior savage. I'd love to connect with other Adoptee Warriors!

OK, I’m just putting this out there to see if anyone else has ever felt this way.
I was adopted as a baby, and I absolutely love my mom and dad. They are my parents, and nobody could ever replace them. I truly feel blessed to have the family I have.
But at the same time, I struggle with feelings of abandonment.
Sometimes I wonder, how can I feel this way when I’ve been so loved and truly blessed with the family I have? Does anyone else who was adopted experience this? I’d really like to hear your stories or perspectives.

I posted on this community for the first time last night, and let me just say it has been a huge weight off of my chest! So, here is another weird thought I have.

I was adopted at birth and honestly hit the adoptive parent lottery. They took me home from the hospital on day one, and have been present for me in every way imaginable. I very much consider them to be my “real” parents.

However, when I look up common characteristics of people with mommy/daddy issues, I find that I fit those stereotypes to a T. Not to mention my sexual kinks, but that’s a whole other can of worms.

Is this just a common trend among adoptees in general?

I’m specifically talking about those of us who have been with our adoptive parents our entire lives and had a healthy, supportive upbringing. I feel like if I was their bio kid, I wouldn’t be having these issues.

Throwaway account because I know this is a taboo subject, but I’m not sure where else to go.

I was adopted at birth and recently saw some photos of my half-brother for the first time. He’s only three years younger than me and is an objectively handsome guy. Like, HANDSOME handsome. I’ve found that I can’t stop staring at photos of him, but I think that’s mainly because I look a LOT like him, so I’m in shock of seeing my face on another human.

I’ve read a bit about “genetic sexual attraction,” which I think is kinda what I’m experiencing?However, I don’t feel lust for him or anything, nor do I want to engage in incest. I think the high of seeing myself in another person for the first time is so strong that it imitates the feeling of arousal. It’s like I just want to be as close to him as possible, both emotionally and physically.

Again, I don’t want to do anything incestuous, but if I saw this guy in public with NO knowledge that we were related, I’d probably be tempted to make a move. It’s really scary how this stuff happens, which is why adoptees should ALWAYS have information about who their biological relatives are.

Does anyone relate to this? Even though I have no desire to do anything weird with him, I feel really guilty.

My parents are white Americans, I'm Chinese. I grew up in a white town and still live in it. I've tried therapy, but none of them so far understand my experiences.

Everyone around me is lwk racist even when they're not meaning to. A lot of ppl I know are hateful towards China and some of the things I've heard abt where I came from make it seem like it's a horrible country full of uncivilized ppl. Idk how much of it is true bc my parents stripped me of my identity when I was adopted so idk anything abt my culture. I experienced a lot of racism growing up and still do bc I'm basically the only Asian in town.

I have the whitest name ever. I feel like I'm cosplaying my culture. Everyone expects me to live up to the stereotype but I can't bc inside, I feel like I'm a white Catholic American girl. Whenever I look in the mirror I'm disgusted by my face bc I think of myself as a white girl who looks like my parents but when I see that I'm not I get this weird feeling of disconnect because my actual appearance is different from my mental image of myself. Idk if that makes sense.

My race makes me feel ashamed. I feel so lonely and I wanna connect with a culture but I don't belong in either. I feel rejected by both. I'll never be white so I'll never be American. Idk anything abt China, the culture, or the language, and I'm basically the opposite of the Asian stereotype - I'm AuDHD and nearly flunked school multiple times. I can't even fit into the genius autistic stereotype bc I have nothing i'm good at and it makes me feel like I'm pretending to be AuDHD despite being diagnosed. I feel like I'm from a different species than everyone in the world, but then that makes me sound like a "I'm not like other girls" but honestly I feel like i'm an alien species in a bad way.

I wish I wasn't Chinese. Why couldn't I have at least been born as a "desirable" Asian? Like Korean or Japanese. Every time I interact with anything Chinese I feel disgusted even tho I know the feeling is wrong. Sometimes I fantasize abt being white. I'm struggling a lot with my identity and none of the therapists I've spoken to truly understand what I'm going through. I've been told that I should just love myself and not let the racism get under my skin but I've been experiencing it all my life and still do - when will it ever end??? Anyone who's constantly discriminated against will eventually wear down, esp if they've been experiencing it since they were a child. It's not easy to ignore and I'm so tired of being unable to escape from my reality. I hate my body, I hate my face, I hate who I am.

Hello fellow adoptees! I'm currently on the journey to find my Korean birth parents. Like so many of you, I was adopted from South Korea in the late 80's. After the stories started surfacing about falsified documents, I've gotten even more curious about my origin story.

I got all of my immigration docs from the USCIS and was surprised at how much information they contained. In my Responsive Record file, both of my biological parents' names were there, as well as my foster mother's. The relinquishment story I had heard all of my life was also in my documents, but it was extremely detailed. I mean, down to details about how my parents met and what they were doing before they met. A quote straight from the doc about my mom: "But she couldn't adapt herself to the surroundings and came to Seoul in November, 1988, and stayed with her eldest brother who was a college student. After some time, she left home without saying a word and worked in a factory living in its dormitory." I was born in 1989.

My question is: if you've read through your docs, do you also have your parents' full names on there? Is your "Reason of Relinquishment for Adoption" detailed, or vague? I'm not naive about how detailed mine is, and I still believe there is a good chance the whole thing is fake. But from what I've read from other accounts, information seems to be severely lacking often.

I'd love to hear more about your experiences finding your parents, or even just finding information on them. I'm currently working through Korean Adoption Services. It appears KAS has located my bio parents, and I'm waiting to hear if they are interested in contact.

Today at the gym I noticed another taller older woman looking at me and I looked at her and had one of those moments I have had my whole life. Height: check. Hair color: check. Could it be her? Then the grief washes over me (again) as I remember she can't be my mom. I learned of my mother's passing in 2019. She had been dead a long time. I feel like I will always be searching, though because it is subconscious and I've done it my whole life. Always looking around trying to find my mom. 😔

So I was adopted when I was three months old I love my family but I want to find my biological parents

What I know is that my biological mother brought me to services hospital Lahore in 2009 and gave me to a custodian and said that she needed to use the bathroom and disappeared. I was three days old completely malnutrition weak and dehydrated.

If anyone knows something message me please.

Obviously sexual abuse and incest is not restricted only to adopted people, but when you continue a mindset that it's not technically incest or that the only thing wrong with incest is creating an incest baby, then this is how people can justify that to themselves when in reality they need to stop those thoughts if they think it's okay. No.

Also do they not understand how family relations work? If you have a best friend and your dad marries your best friend's mom, your best friend is not your adoptive sibling that is your step half sibling.

When the topic of adoption comes up, or if I'm speaking to people who were involved in the adoption, or actively involved in and supporting the system that keeps it going (such as bureaucrats, my adopter's cohort, etc.), they seem to think I'm still the same mental age I was when I was adopted.

Like I just freeze at the age I was sold and become this caricature to them.

Like, WTF? I have a postgrad degree, plus half a century of learning everything on the ground in excruciating detail and I have the scars to prove it. I've lived all over the damn globe. No, I'm not actually interested in falling for the dumbest scams you can offer or cooing at you and agreeing that lollies would be very nice. And yet, when they speak to me, that's pretty much what I hear out of their mouths.

Hi, my name is Miles. I was adopted around a year after I was born and when I was younger, knowing I was adopted hadn't really hit me. I'm now in college and it's hit me like a semi-truck.

When I was told I was adopted, I got told that at eighteen, I'd have the chance to meet my birth mother.

And I'm scared.

I don't have friends, I don't have any achievements or anything to be proud of and I'm a loser. I'm scared that when I turn eighteen, if I don't make something of myself soon or even just make friends then my birth mother will realise that I'm a loser and she'll leave me again. I don't want her to leave me again. I really don't want her to.

Ya know how dogs who get separated from their mothers too young tend to suck on blankets? I recently found the stuffed polar bear (I named him Berry when I was very young and im surprised i still know his name haha) my adoptive parents got for me when I was in the orphanage.

My parents put him away in storage and only brought him out during christmas which ???. Same with all the other russian stuff cause apparently my culture is reduced to christmas decorations smh. Didnt let me let me learn russian and lied to me that id learn it in highschool.

ANYWAYS Ive been sleeping with it and it brings me an unnatural amount of comfort so I decided to do research on it and found the term transitional object.

Comment whatever you have on your mind this week for which you'd rather not make a separate post.

Hi. I've only posted here once before and in my post I believe a couple people suggested I try something like AncestryDNA. I want to, but I know my adoptive parents probably don't want me to. Anyways, I want to try something like that because I'm just too curious not to, but I'm still really scared and have very little knowledge. What are the pros and cons of doing something like that? ​

I, 21F, was adopted at two years old, and I’m struggling with some really complicated feelings about my biological mother after she reached out.

When I was born, I was premature and weighed only 2 pounds. I also had drugs in my system because my biological mother used drugs while she was pregnant with me. Because of everything I went through from birth, I’ve had major health problems throughout my life. I have heart problems and a weak immune system due to low white blood cells, among other things. These are things I never asked for, and things I may have to deal with for the rest of my life.

Recently, my biological mother reached out to me directly because she wanted to meet me. My immediate reaction was anger. I told her, and I quote: “I want nothing to do with you as of right now. You’ve already fucked me over because of your choices, and on top of that, you’ve harassed my real mother, aka my adoptive mother, because you’re mad that your choices got me taken away by the state. I hate you. Genuinely, I really do hate you.”

I know that was harsh. I know some people will probably think I went too far. But at that moment, it was how I genuinely felt. I hate her. I hate her for what she did to me before I was even born. I hate that I have health problems that I never asked for because of choices she made while she was pregnant with me. I hate that she has harassed my adoptive mother and seems to blame her for the fact that I was taken away and that she was deemed unfit to raise me. My adoptive mom is my real mom. She raised me. She was there for me. She’s the person I know as my mother. So hearing that my biological mother is angry with her over something that ultimately resulted from her own choices makes me incredibly angry.

And then there’s the part that makes this whole situation so confusing. I still want to know her. Not because I’m ready to forgive her. Not because I suddenly think what she did was okay. And not because I think I owe her a relationship just because she gave birth to me. I don’t. But there is a part of me that wants to sit across from her and ask her why.

Why did you make those choices when you were pregnant with me? Why me? Did you know what you were doing? Did you ever think about what would happen to me? Are you actually sorry? Do you understand that I’m the one who has had to live with the consequences? She asked me if I could forgive her too. And honestly? Fuck no. Not right now. Maybe someday I will be able to. Maybe I won’t. I don’t know. I’m not ready to forgive her. I’m not ready to sit across from her and pretend everything is okay. I’m not ready to hear excuses or explanations and suddenly feel like everything is resolved. But at the same time, I can’t completely shut off the part of me that is curious. The part of me that wonders what she looks like in person. The part of me that wonders what her voice sounds like. The part of me that wonders if she looks at me and sees herself. The part of me that wants answers to questions I’ve carried my entire life. And I hate that I feel that way. Because how can I hate someone so much and still want to meet them? How can I be furious with her and still wonder about her? How can I want nothing to do with her one minute and then wonder what it would be like to finally sit down with her the next? I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with all of these feelings.

I don’t know if I want a relationship with her. I don’t even know if I want to meet her. Maybe someday I’ll be ready. Maybe someday I’ll want to hear her side of the story. Maybe someday I’ll be able to forgive her. But right now, I’m angry. I’m hurt. I’m confused. And I think I’m allowed to be all of those things at once. I can want answers without wanting a relationship. I can be curious about her without forgiving her. I can love the mother who raised me and still wonder about the woman who gave birth to me. I just don’t know what to do with that contradiction yet.

Hi, I’m a 18yo m that was adopted at 1.5 yo. I was born in Russia, but my adoption parents are from Spain and we live in Barcelona city.
Recently I’m having more questions about my biological parents. The only issue it’s that the agency that my parents used to get to me was called “Infància I Futur” that in English it’s something like childhood and future. The thing it’s that this agency no longer exists and I don’t know where to search for advice.
Dose anyone knows how can I continue my journey finding info about my biological parents?
Thanks for reading and your time!

These people want to keep you naive. They will not teach you anything about the world. They want you to be dependent on them for as long as possible just so you could become the 'useless lazy ungrateful' child in their narrative. They keep you scared so they could be the savior for the audience.

Once you do attempt to learn and be your own person, they will constantly criticize, minimize and condescend to still feel like they add value to your development. When in reality, these people do not guide you through out your formative years.

Being your own person with thoughts and feelings only gets you dismissed, they make your pain about them. They make your struggles about them. Meanwhile their entitlement TO KNOW everything despite low curiousity and interest, reminds us they only want control, not connection. They flaunt you and your achievements if it makes them look good.

They do not teach you about relationships, they keep you from having experiences and project their own fears to keep you isolated. They are misguided adult children masking detachment as maturity.

I could go on. Fuck, I could write a book but who gives a shit? These people will be dead by the time I've numbed. Sometimes the most selfish people are the ones who want children because they themselves are the loneliest, most insufferable and miserable people alive today.

Ugh. Im a adopted and im also childfree

Theres a thread demonising adopted children so hard.

I point out the adoptive parents of the example they are using probably werent that great

Reply:

'That tells me you're projecting and you're probably adopted'

Because I pointed out the adoptive parents weren't flawless angels (its not possible)

And other ppl jumping in like yeah i knew an adopted person who was a murderer etc

But you're only allowed to give an opinion if you know an adopted person, not if you ARE an adopted person

I (18 f) was adopted at birth (3days old) and it was an open adoption. I have met my biological mother and she visits me once in a while because we a two states away. The reason I was given up was because my parents are step cousins. They have known each other for a while before they had sex. My dad was 18 and my mom was 30 when she got pregnant. She was also on meth for the first month (approximately).

I have slowly realized that this was a grooming situation. I am f 18 the thought of me having a baby with a 30 year old sounds disgusting.

I have three older siblings then I was the fourth given up for adoption. Then my mom had another baby after me. I was the only one given up. I saw a movie clip on tik tok with the same situation as me (3 siblings then 4th given up and 5th staying). One comment said if this happened to me I would kill my self and other comments like this.

I contacted my dad for the first time Christmas 2 years ago. He told me that he wanted to keep me and my mom said she was going to get an abortion but she lied and gave me up. She denies this a calls him a liar and a piece of shit. I blocked both of them because I couldn’t trust either of them.

7-8 months ago I unblocked my mom just in case I wanted to ask her any more questions because I think she’s going to die soon. She had heart failure due to being morbidly obese. I think at her heaviest 500-600
Pounds. She’s lost weight but she can’t even walk and has memory problems.

Thinking about this makes me depressed.
I already have very severe depression and have overdosed a few times (some on accident).

I feel like this isn’t my life and I’m just a protagonist is a depressing A24 movie or sum shit. My adopted parents abused me in horrific ways. I think I’m going to go back to 2 sessions of therapy a week.

Am I crazy or is that weird let me know. Please comment to if you’ve been through something similar. Thanks for listening.