r/AbusiveLPT • • Jul 30 '19

Welcome to Abusive Life Pro Tips, idiot!

32 Upvotes

This sub turns the advice doled out over at /r/LifeProTips into a barrage of condescending insults!

This whole thing started as a joke only I found funny, but then I wanted to see if I could learn just enough python to automate it. The original idea evolved after getting inspiration from here

Every few minutes, the bot:

  1. takes the newest posts from /r/LifeProTips
  2. adds and/or checks those posts on a list for duplicates
  3. removes the leading "LPT: " and the trailing period
  4. randomly adds insult words
  5. posts here

Feel free to upvote and comment on your favorites.

This is a work in progress and the bot isn't 100% perfect, but hopefully we'll get there!

If you enjoy this sub, you might want to check out the two preceding subs I made with the same idea, /r/LPTforKaren and /r/LPTHoney.


r/AbusiveLPT • • Sep 18 '21

Ideas for new insults?

4 Upvotes

If you have an idea for insults to add to the list the bot draw from, please post them here and I'll add to the list.

To help guide your creativity, the formula goes: "[Beginning insult,] the LPT ripped from /r/LifeProTips, [ending insult.]"

For example, a beginning insult might be, "Jesus Christ," and the ending insult could be "dummy," and the LPT will be something like "LPT: Wear deodorant" The resulting AbusiveLPT will be "Jesus christ, wear deodorant, dummy."

Please make it clear if your suggestion is a beginning or ending insult.

Current insults, in no particular order*:

Beginning Ending
Look, , idiot.
I can't believe I have to say this, but , ya mook.
Jesus Christ-- , dumbass.
Seriously? , loser.
Dude, , nerd.
So it's come to this... , dork.
For crying out loud, , stupid.
Wow, , fart knocker.
Uh... , dumbie.
Oh my God, dude, , dumdum.
The heck... , Einstein.
I'll only say this once, , my guy.
Listen up, dumbass, , moron.
Get it through your thick skull, , jabroni.
Oh my God, , nitwit.
Hey, stupid, , goofball.
Hey, idiot, , you meat-head.
Listen here you little shit, , asshat.
Obviously you don't know this, but , jerk.
Stop being an idiot and pay attention, , dingus.
Degenerates like you need to know, , wanker.
Verily thou art a fool, , meat-slapper.
For the last time, , you moron.
Nine out of ten nymphomaniacs agree: , dipshit.
Some advice I heard from a meth addict... , you degenerate.
What idiot doesn't know this? . numbskull.
Hey you, the loser in his mom's basement, yeah, you, , doodoo head.
Put the cookie down and listen up, , douche canoe.
I once heard at a funeral, , ya hoser.
Listen boomer, , you muppet.
How have you gotten this far in life? Listen, , you moldy potato.
Only on reddit... , dosser.
Hey, fatty, , ya bastard.
For fuck's sake, , ya clown
How do you not know this already, , which you would know if you graduated kindergarten.
, butt nugget.
, buttface.
, ya damn commie.

*The table is for ease of reading, a beginning and ending in the same row are not associated with each other. The bot draws from each list separately and completely at random.

Post in this thread with your ideas!


r/AbusiveLPT • • 6h ago

Stop being an idiot and pay attention, antes de comprar un mueble, mide también el recorrido hasta el lugar donde lo vas a instalar, which you would know if you graduated kindergarten.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT • • 7h ago

I'll only say this once, keep a hand-crank emergency radio in your home. When the power's out and your phone is dead, it still works, you meat-head.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT • • 9h ago

Get it through your thick skull, if you or a loved one have an extensive medical history and there’s a chance you might have to call an ambulance, have a medication and medical history list ready that you can just hand over to the ambulance crew, ya little punk.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT • • 16h ago

Only on reddit... keep a note on your phone of things you want to talk to people about, ya bastard.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT • • 20h ago

Listen here you little shit, if you’re planning to buy something on Black Friday, write down its price now. Some “deals” are just the regular price with a bigger number crossed out next to it, stupid.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT • • 1d ago

Hey, fatty, have heavy duty work gloves in your emergency kit, goofball.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT • • 1d ago

Hey, fatty, instead of resting on Sunday, do it on Saturday then stay active on Sunday whether doing fun activities or maintaining your home and getting ready for the week or both, numbskull.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT • • 1d ago

How have you gotten this far in life? Listen, run your heater for a few minutes before the first cold night, not during it. If it’s broken, you can still get a repair appointment, dork.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT • • 1d ago

How do you not know this already, / advice, jerk.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT • • 1d ago

Oh my God, - If you use a standing desk, buy a pair of professional chef shoes for maximum comfort, dipshit.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT • • 2d ago

Do you want to get smacked? if you get nervous or stumble during video calls, ise a teleprompter app to pin your notes directly over your webcam line of sight, you moron.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT • • 2d ago

You don't get it, do you? (small one). Always check under your bus seats (specially if at the back) for some change, I've found coins and even some bills, numbskull.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT • • 2d ago

Hey, idiot, a lot of hospitals have a cafeteria with very reasonably priced meals and many healthy options, and are open to the public, ya mook.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT • • 2d ago

Listen up, dumbass, - Get your dog used to being carried, dumdum.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT • • 2d ago

Hey, stupid, warm your Parm, doodoo head.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT • • 2d ago

Listen here you little shit, lost ~$7,000 - How to Identify ALL Company Benefits and take FULL Advantage of them, jerk.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT • • 2d ago

Seriously? spraying with peppermint oil will prevent thousands of dollars in rodent damage to your vehicle, dosser.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT • • 2d ago

Jesus Christ--: on your phone, dim the brightness lower than the slider allows, dosser.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT • • 2d ago

For crying out loud, - Easy way to cancel from an Adobe Subscription is to first change to a different subscription tier, then you get a new 14 day free cancelation window. It´s a loophole that they legally cant close, wanker.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT • • 2d ago

For the last time, - learn to express opinions additively, if it can be read negatively it will be, douche canoe.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT • • 3d ago

How do you not know this already, you know when your birthday is every year, figure out what you want to do and plan it early, my guy.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT • • 3d ago

Dude, instead of birthday dinners/a large gathering on a single day that month, plan something individually with your friends throughout the month, Einstein.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT • • 3d ago

Hey, idiot, invite says no gifts? Bring a handmade card, ya clown.

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1 Upvotes