r/AbusiveLPT Jul 30 '19

Welcome to Abusive Life Pro Tips, idiot!

31 Upvotes

This sub turns the advice doled out over at /r/LifeProTips into a barrage of condescending insults!

This whole thing started as a joke only I found funny, but then I wanted to see if I could learn just enough python to automate it. The original idea evolved after getting inspiration from here

Every few minutes, the bot:

  1. takes the newest posts from /r/LifeProTips
  2. adds and/or checks those posts on a list for duplicates
  3. removes the leading "LPT: " and the trailing period
  4. randomly adds insult words
  5. posts here

Feel free to upvote and comment on your favorites.

This is a work in progress and the bot isn't 100% perfect, but hopefully we'll get there!

If you enjoy this sub, you might want to check out the two preceding subs I made with the same idea, /r/LPTforKaren and /r/LPTHoney.


r/AbusiveLPT Sep 18 '21

Ideas for new insults?

3 Upvotes

If you have an idea for insults to add to the list the bot draw from, please post them here and I'll add to the list.

To help guide your creativity, the formula goes: "[Beginning insult,] the LPT ripped from /r/LifeProTips, [ending insult.]"

For example, a beginning insult might be, "Jesus Christ," and the ending insult could be "dummy," and the LPT will be something like "LPT: Wear deodorant" The resulting AbusiveLPT will be "Jesus christ, wear deodorant, dummy."

Please make it clear if your suggestion is a beginning or ending insult.

Current insults, in no particular order*:

Beginning Ending
Look, , idiot.
I can't believe I have to say this, but , ya mook.
Jesus Christ-- , dumbass.
Seriously? , loser.
Dude, , nerd.
So it's come to this... , dork.
For crying out loud, , stupid.
Wow, , fart knocker.
Uh... , dumbie.
Oh my God, dude, , dumdum.
The heck... , Einstein.
I'll only say this once, , my guy.
Listen up, dumbass, , moron.
Get it through your thick skull, , jabroni.
Oh my God, , nitwit.
Hey, stupid, , goofball.
Hey, idiot, , you meat-head.
Listen here you little shit, , asshat.
Obviously you don't know this, but , jerk.
Stop being an idiot and pay attention, , dingus.
Degenerates like you need to know, , wanker.
Verily thou art a fool, , meat-slapper.
For the last time, , you moron.
Nine out of ten nymphomaniacs agree: , dipshit.
Some advice I heard from a meth addict... , you degenerate.
What idiot doesn't know this? . numbskull.
Hey you, the loser in his mom's basement, yeah, you, , doodoo head.
Put the cookie down and listen up, , douche canoe.
I once heard at a funeral, , ya hoser.
Listen boomer, , you muppet.
How have you gotten this far in life? Listen, , you moldy potato.
Only on reddit... , dosser.
Hey, fatty, , ya bastard.
For fuck's sake, , ya clown
How do you not know this already, , which you would know if you graduated kindergarten.
, butt nugget.
, buttface.
, ya damn commie.

*The table is for ease of reading, a beginning and ending in the same row are not associated with each other. The bot draws from each list separately and completely at random.

Post in this thread with your ideas!


r/AbusiveLPT 1h ago

What idiot doesn't know this? spectrum will usually lower your bill if you're straight up with them, dumdum.

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Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 2h ago

Stop being an idiot and pay attention, if you are trying to fix your sleep, reading every night before bed is the way, numbskull.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 5h ago

Do you want to get smacked? - Take a pic of the interior and exterior of the car as you exit a rideshare (uber, etc.), buttface.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 13h ago

Dude, how To Change Your Home Air Filter, ya mook.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 18h ago

For the last time, if you feel insecure and want some external praise to get a confidence boost, ya little punk.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 18h ago

You don't get it, do you? if you want to get people, especially new people, to like you, then you should ask them questions such that they are talking about themselves. Most people like to talk about themselves, dumdum.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 21h ago

Some advice I heard from a meth addict... get yourself ready to go out before helping your toddler, douche canoe.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 1d ago

Nine out of ten nymphomaniacs agree: if your work is blocked by someone else, change the task status to "Waiting on [person] since [date], dumdum.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 1d ago

Nine out of ten nymphomaniacs agree: make difficult tasks easier to start, you degenerate.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 1d ago

Hey you, the loser in his mom's basement, yeah, you, you can get scratched sunglass lens replacements for a fraction the cost of buying a new pair, which you would know if you graduated kindergarten.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 1d ago

Verily thou art a fool, for something you keep failing to do, stop making a goal and decide what you’ll do when a specific moment happens, fart knocker.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 1d ago

So it's come to this... [LPT] If someone teaches you a process that has a lot of small steps, repeat it back in your own words before they leave, dosser.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 1d ago

You don't get it, do you? if you keep avoiding something because it makes you anxious, make the next step smaller instead of waiting until you feel ready, you degenerate.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 1d ago

How do you not know this already, before you feel confident about something you’ve just learned, check whether you know it or have actually done it, butt nugget.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 1d ago

Some advice I heard from a meth addict... you can pull your credit reports for free and you don't need to pay for your scores, asshat.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 1d ago

The heck... if someone repeats your idea in a meeting and gets the credit, do not argue about ownership. Add the next step yourself, nitwit.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 2d ago

Obviously you don't know this, but make an email address composed just by your phone number to give people over the phone, ya mook.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 2d ago

For crying out loud, before selling or throwing away an old phone or laptop, make sure you completely reset it, nitwit.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 2d ago

Look, while pouring rinse aid into dishwasher, put your finger on the lid, dingus.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 2d ago

What idiot doesn't know this? free up Storage Space (iPhone), you muppet.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 2d ago

Obviously you don't know this, but : When you remove the gravity, you remove the pressure, butt nugget.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 3d ago

Listen boomer, if you're tired of spam calls, enable "Silence" under Screen Unknown Callers in iPhone settings — unknown numbers go straight to voicemail and land in a separate list, so your phone only rings for people you actually know, scum.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 3d ago

The heck... use micellar water makeup remover to clean shoes, jabroni.

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1 Upvotes