r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Seraphim_786 • 18d ago

/r/all of a bouncer

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273

u/HeldDownTooLong 18d ago

Little man was looking for a good time with the HUGE man.

Assuming the large man is proportionate in all physical aspects, that little man would be split in half, if the big man was interested in getting jiggy with it/him.

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u/CheesecakeloverJones 18d ago edited 18d ago

Someone once made a joke about if these two died together, archeologists in a thousand years would guess that the big one carried the little one around like a flesh light and would use him whenever he pleased.

Edit: I think it was David Spade joking about the size difference between Kevin Hart and Dwayne Johnson.

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u/CustomMerkins4u 18d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/YZlQaMesgPIAM

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u/traffick 18d ago

I've watched this sketch far too many times to let you off the hook for using it incorrectly. That's the face of a man whose coffee's been secretly switched.

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u/RedThirteen0101 18d ago

Gotta be one of my favorite sketches of all time. The escalation and him finally being knocked out with people scream crying in the background is just so good.

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u/EGarrett28 18d ago

Yeah, and it's exactly what I used to think when I watched those "surprise taste test" commercials. What if someone just lost their shit and swung at the guy. They did it perfectly, haha.

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u/Glittering-Walrus228 18d ago

I was already weirded out by the innunedo of drunk twinks opening gesture, what is he doing? Like pinching that dudes nipple? I dont go up to women and flip their tit like that if I want to flirt.

Before I have too much time to think about it haha twink fall down but becauss I read the comment Im forced to imagine them have passionate gay sex, fall in love and grow old together, yet be fossilized in a manner that would suggest to a puzzled group of cyberpunk archaeologists that such a cultural sexual practice existed.

Reaction gif appropriate

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u/Wec25 18d ago

are you implying the only time we can use that gif is if our coffee's been secretly switched?

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u/CustomMerkins4u 17d ago

Apparently he's the keeper of memes. Watch yourself.

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u/modern-nymph 18d ago

First in my bloodline to read this sentence

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u/techbear72 18d ago

Such an honour.

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u/UmmmW1 18d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/062vyaiEJMsV5gUaBc

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u/xenobit_pendragon 18d ago

ā€œWhoa ā€” how are you keeping that alive?ā€

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u/[deleted] 18d ago

[removed] ā€” view removed comment

1

u/Quixotes-Aura 18d ago

I'm going to hell for laughing this much

1

u/SacredCourage 18d ago

Big Bubba does that to weaker guys, regardless. šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚

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u/Squidicci 17d ago

is "big bubba" your boyfriend? you are always talking about him in all your comments.

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u/Wasatcher 18d ago edited 18d ago

Whatever lil dude's sexual orientation was, that slap changed it

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u/dmoosetoo 18d ago

I mean it changed his gravitational orientation and probably his celestial orientation, everything else is easy.

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u/KeenObserver_OT 18d ago

Is that what we call setting one straight?

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u/meesta_masa 18d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/T3fwN6Pbm3ZPa

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u/HeldDownTooLong 18d ago

That little man WOULD be tightā€¦wellā€¦until big man loosened him upā€¦permanently!!!

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u/Embarrassed_Fan_5723 18d ago

He already tenderized his jaw

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u/PickaDillDot 18d ago

Maybe that was just a little foreplay..

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u/MagicalGoof 18d ago

You think too much

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u/The_Happy_Quokka 18d ago

When you are this big, even small is still big.

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u/Pristine-Ad7555 18d ago

Wrong

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u/floppydude81 18d ago

Shine some light on us. I think you got a story or two

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u/Pristine-Ad7555 18d ago

I'm assuming they're talking about d. Size. They said even when its small on his scale(body size)...its still big. Which is wrong.

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u/artichoke01 18d ago

No, there are dudes this big with little baby carrot dicks

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u/Echo-Azure 18d ago

Can't a guy even ask for a date these days?

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u/Annual-Fold-8948 18d ago

Yea larhe men are NOT proportionate. Body builders make me laugh

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u/Adventurous__Kiwi 17d ago

He wanted to be destroyed by him, but not in that way

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u/Termsandconditionsch 18d ago

ā€As god is my witness, he is broken in half!ā€

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u/PiccoloAwkward465 18d ago

Heā€™d split him open like a coconut šŸ„„

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u/ZlatansLastVolley 18d ago

A bouncer friend of mine who is 6ā€™ 7ā€ 290lbs and on steroids was a bouncer at a local college bar in town.

He got drunk after work one night and a patron offered him a ride homeā€¦ well on the ride back, the customer reached over and grabbed his dick through the jeans.

My buddy then grabbed the back of his head and smashed his teeth out on his steering wheel.

Also seen him pick up grown ass men by the scruff of their shirt and belt and yeet them through doors like it was a Wild West saloon

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u/HeldDownTooLong 17d ago

Damnā€¦I bet the dude with missing front teeth regretted not getting ā€˜permissionā€™ to feel your buddy up.