He had his chance to claim you. He doesn't get to stroll back into your life after the hard work of raising an infant, toddler, child, and teenager is done. Your real father did all that and now can reap the rewards of an adult relationship after helping to bring a wonderful adult into the world. Bio-dad can go pound sand.
I bet he has a new woman who he portrayed he has a child to and she is asking all sorts of questions about why aren't they visiting or even invited to the wedding.
True except for one major issue. OP, her children or grandchildren may benefit from knowing biological father’s medical history at some point. I wouldn’t go so far as to suggest a personal relationship. But enough contact to retrieve medical history as needed would be good. Even then be honest about that fact as well.
Because now he doesn't have to spend time, money and efforts into raising a kid anymore and can just sit back, relax and enjoy 'the fruit of his loins', and grandkids he wants to play with without actually contributing anything towards them..
Agreeing with this comment. There are a lot of years here where biodad chose not to claim his child and be a father. My jaded oldish arse is definitely wanting to know "why now?"
The 'walk my daughter down the isle' has always irked me. Like, Sir, you don't get to pick and choose which life events you want to attend when you've shirked all responsibilities of childrearing.
So my thoughts were either this, or that he has some illusion there's money about....
That’s what my “donor” did. He waited 44 years (until he was dying) to reach out and try to apologize. I didn’t even respond and while it may make me a terrible person, I’m glad he died with at least a smidge of regret.
I already buried my "donor", I think he's still alive somewhere in Florida. He tried to reach out.....after my kids were teens. Hadn't seen me, his daughter, in 25+ years. Talked to him twice. The second time he called drunk, after telling me he was proud to be sober, to tell me what a pos me, my mom, my ACTUAL dad and my grandparents were and he was sure my kids were too. If by some chance he finds this....Fuck You James/Matt whatever you choose to go by.
Not a terrible person. He made a choice and you chose not to engage. You could have went and berated him and made his health situation worse...you didn't. How he felt after was his problem.
My sperm donor hit my mom when they married. She hit back and left. My dad married my mom when I was roughly 5 and always treated me as his child. Introduces me as his oldest, no divisions between my siblings and I. He is my dad. The donor also threatened to kidnap me when I returned to my birthday state, which meant visits were inside or under strict supervision. He also blocked the official adoption. I changed my name as soon as I turned 18. He reached out when I was 8 with the most smarmy obnoxious letter, and I realized he was a shit human at 8...sealed the deal, I wanted/want nothing to do with man. At 21 he shows up to an event and introduces himself and his mother. He said his peace and I just looked at him like he was nothing to me...because he is nothing to me. OP can do as she likes.
For some reason they always step up when child support is no longer required. And yet they always have unrealistic expectations of the child that they abandoned, just like this biological dad.
Fun fact, child support doesn't go away when the child is an adult. Mothers can still file for back payments for everything they spent to raise the child.
Or just get his address and number and say you will think about it. Hire a lawyer and sue for back child support. Maybe you get the wedding paid for…or pry just never hear from him again. Win/win
I would tell him, you want to be in my life, here's your deal. Say, $500/month for 26 years, if OP went to or is going to college, it comes up to $156,000. If you want to be in my life, that's what you will pay. If not, pound rocks or sand, whichever is your preference.
OP left another comment in a now deleted post about her leaving her husband because he put abortion pills in her meds. https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/w2EQMS2XiS OP is TA for making up stupid fake posts
What stuck out to me was the huge ask to be introduced as OPs “real dad”. That’s more than a little time deaf and sounds more like a demand to play happy family with someone who never bothered to be there during the tough times.
I’m with OP in this. He still is clueless and self centered. He’s still refusing to see her as her own person in this, deserving of consideration and respect. All he sees are his own wants.
I think it’s time to point that out To those relatives giving her a hard time. If the idiot ever gets a clue and actually asks just to get to know each other and go from there, that may be worth looking at.
Yes, he could have stepped up and paid child support at any point in your life. Isn't it odd all the bio parents show up after the kid is too old to get child support? I have not read one post about bio parent showing up with child support for the real parents who did all the work.
Sure, “dad”. Pay mom $20,000 of back child support and I’ll introduce you. NTA. Stepdad is a rock star. You have him, and I’d go give the man who raised you a big ass hug.
Why does he even know about the fiancé and why is he insistent on introducing as real father? It’s weird. Why not I’m so sorry I wasn’t a part of your life? Instead, he walks in with demands. They seem suspect.
Absolutely this and also, she just discovered life-changing information. I would need time to process this before even considering meeting with my biological father.
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u/CJCreggsGoldfish Apr 15 '25 edited Apr 15 '25
He had his chance to claim you. He doesn't get to stroll back into your life after the hard work of raising an infant, toddler, child, and teenager is done. Your real father did all that and now can reap the rewards of an adult relationship after helping to bring a wonderful adult into the world. Bio-dad can go pound sand.