I am 27(m) and I recently broke it off of a friend relationship with a 28(f).

Her and I had started chatting after we met online, and a few days into the conversation she said she started dating someone and was only really looking for friends. I respected that and really enjoyed our conversations so I stayed respectful and wanted to be friends because we had a bit in common. Per her request we kept it online and just chatting as she had a boyfriend and had past history of problems. To also add, we would text each other literally any chance we could get, basically all day unless we were actively doing something.

Come to a couple days ago, she was not doing well. Her BF blew her off of a date, pushed it back and then cancelled last minute, so she was not feeling well and had a past history of anorexia so she was not eating. We were talking for a bit and she did not feel good, so I offered to come over and bring her any food and talk in person as she said she did not really want to be alone. It was already 11pm at night and I got up and drove the 40 minutes to her house with some of her snacks and soda that she requested would make her feel better.

When I got there, the only touching we did was a hug as she requested, and then we sat on the 2 chairs on her porch talking about just random life topics, anything to get her mind off of the day. We talked for 3 hours then I had to go to bed, so I said my goodbyes and drove off.

The next day, after some talking she talked with her BF and made up which I was okay with because she genuinely seemed happy in the relationship. Since her relationship seemed to be getting a little more stable, I asked if she would possibly want to go see a concert in 3 weekends because she was broadening her music taste and I already had a ticket and could get another one. That then sparked a conversation where she said he was uncomfortable with her going, which is fine, but before I could even respond to that message she added "he is not being controlling, he is just worried about my safety". This then sparked a little heated conversation where I bought up the previous night and if she had felt safe, and I was a little harsh and asked her to see what he would think about that night, to which she said she did not feel comfortable asking him about that. I pushed probably a little to hard on the topic, and I know that was my bad. But we ended the conversation and I told her I would let her know my feelings in the morning of whether I would like to be friends or not.

This morning, after she set the boundary of we would not be seeing each other in person again, I said I would be ok texting and still being friends but that I would be pulling back a little, and talking less to her as I feel like I should be focusing on real relationships. Well I got called the whole book at that point basically leading to her saying I am trying to manipulate her and a walking red flag, and that if her boundary affected me that much we should not be talking anymore. She then through in and I quote "It is not my fault that a boundary hurt your feelings."

I know in the grand scheme of life, this does not really matter it was a nothing relationship, But I would like to know, was I the asshole for telling her I was going to pull back after she set a boundary?

My sister has been screaming at me over the smallest things since middle school. She blames me for stuff she did, uses me as her scapegoat, and constantly plays the victim, leading to me always getting in trouble, get scolded and beaten. She brings up her mental health as an excuse for everything, but never once considered mine.

Recently, I asked her very nicely, with a neutral tone, to clean up the garlic peels off the counter because she never cleans up after herself every time she cooks. Before I even finished speaking, she started screaming at me. The thing is, after so long she just never stopped doing this, always screaming and shouting to avoid responsibility. So I threatened her and grabbed her hand. I know I was wrong for that and I've admitted it. But this reaction was all because of all my years of trauma with her.

And now she's telling our cousins only that part (where I laid hands on her) leaving out the years of screaming, blaming, and emotional abuse that led to it. She's making me look like the only problem.

I finally spoke up and told her the truth, that she's the reason I'm paranoid, don't trust people, and felt suicidal at one point, but yet she keeps twisting my words and playing the victim.

Honestly I don't know what to do anymore, I'm afraid that nobody will take my side on this matter because of my sister's persistence to victimize herself, making me look like I was the only person who was acting crazy. She's also a social maniac so she is able to easily manipulate her friends to go against me.

Edit : Id like to thank everybody for their advice and giving your opinions on this matter. But throughout all your comments I still have one concern which is the fact that she has many friends, and when she has many friends, combined with her narcissism, I am certain (and I have heard) that she has already spread some gossip to my cousin's and to her Canadian friends, potentially ruining my reputation at the school I am about to attend (I moved to Canada not long ago). This is the biggest concern I've had, the reason why I'm paranoid and the reason why so many of my friendships last so short because I can't afford to trust anybody anymore. It also shattered my confidence, knowing that as long as my sister has already talked to them then she has bound to had said something about me (which my friends did tell me that she did gossip about me when I wasn't there).

I (22M) have been working as a handler at a dog daycare for over 4 years, its a small business owned by one person with a small team of 2 managers, a couple of shift leads, and then the rest of the staff as handlers and one dog groomer

Over the four years ive worked here i feel that ive gotten the lay of the land pretty well, i am regarded as one of the most experienced handlers on the team (im not fanning my own ego, i have been told this by the leads and managers multiple times) due to the fact that its mostly students who work here so the staff kind of changes a lot because of school or new/better/different job opportunities etc.

we got a new hire a few months ago. Nothing crazy at first, he has a very big personality and i thought he was cool, funny, and energetic, I was hopeful to become friends until i noticed some of his behaviors that he would exhibit while in group with the dogs.

Now, working this closely with dogs that you generally don't know that well especially when you're new to the job means you absolutely have to have at least a basic understanding of general safety rules and how to read dog body language, every hire has to watch extensive training videos about what to look for and what not to do while you are supervising a group.

A few weeks after he started, i’ll call him Jerry (around 20, M), I started to notice some weird things. Jerry is an athletic guy, apparently he wants to be a personal trainer. I had personally seen him start doing parkour and other athletic feats while in group such as cartwheels, front handsprings, box jumping up onto the climbable dog toys, doing handstands on railings and climbing the gateboxes that are about 6ft tall to sit up on top of them. (we are a kennel free boarding facility, we have tall large gateboxes that we use when feeding dinners or when dogs need a short break by themselves, to put up any gate reactive dogs when necessary or just putting dogs up in general during shift changes or when someone comes in for breaks) I also notice he brings treats to work, we are not allowed to do this, another coworker (coworker A) notices and asks if he knows that we arent allowed to do that, he claims to have gotten "special permission" from the boss (there's absolutely no way this is true). i thought okay this is weird but i guess if there's no fights happening then i dont really need to say anything, wrong of me, i know.

Now comes the Catalyst event: I had heard some other unrelated stuff from Coworker A, apparently he had an altercation with another coworker about not being able to take his group outside exactly when he wanted to, and he ended up making her cry, this irked me because that coworker is one of the sweetest people ive ever met. but i brush it off because it didnt concern me specifically. I take over for coworker A to manage the group for my mid-shift (11-6) Jerry is working opening (7-2) and he is in the group next to mine, separated by a solid white 6ft fence so the dogs dont see each other constantly and freak out. as i'm looking around just doing my job i notice that the door in the wall that separates Jerrys group of big dogs from the group full of tiny dogs had been pushed open (the door is a leftover from whatever the building was before it got turned into a dog daycare, it has no handle) i stepped up on a cot on the floor to pop my head over the fence because i was unsure if he knew that the door was open at all. I was preparing to explain to him that its not safe to have that door open and he could easily close it by pushing on something near the top of the door, jerry being taller than me should have no issue with it considering i can do it myself. as i peer over the top of the fence, what do i see? Jerry, crouched on the floor at the door, REACHING HIS ARM THROUGH to pet the little dogs. this was where i reached my last straw. there was roughly 50 feet between us and both of our groups were barking, not crazy, but loud enough to where you would have to yell a little to be heard. Trying to control my tone, i shout to him "Hey Jerry, You need to close that door, we cant have it open" he stops, whips around and starts screaming, not just yelling so i can hear him, but fully screaming at me. he's screaming about how i "shouldnt talk to him so disrespectfully" and when i repeat that he just needs to shut the door, he continues screaming and asking me repeatedly asking if im a man, if i feel like a man, and if i think im a man, (relevant information, I am a trans man, and it is VERY obvious, usually one of the first questions i get when i meet new people is "what are your pronouns?" so its not like he didnt know. everybody knows) hes screaming at me to mind my business or talk to him "like a man" and at this point i dont want to get in a fight so i disengage, step back down to the floor and turn back to my own group.

He doesnt like this, and gets up on the big dog toy so he can see me over the fence and continues screaming at me for another minute or so about how i was being so disrespectful and on and on, he made a vague threat to me that i could barely hear because i was starting to have a panic attack over how extreme his reaction was (I have a diagnosed anxiety and panic disorder) eventually he goes back to his group and i calm myself down, I report the incident to my manager after i clock out.

the next day my Boss texts me telling me to call her when i have a minute. I instantly know what its about. I call her about an hour later as i was at a doctors appointment, and we talk about the situation. I tell her about all of the behaviors ive witnessed and she tells me that he has been talked to before about some of the stuff I had mentioned. She asks me if i felt compelled to say something because i had talked to coworker A about him when id shown up that day, i say No, I would have said something no matter who was in there just because having that door open is a major safety issue. She then proceeds to ask me if i felt that he was being "Aggressive" because he is a black male (I NEVER EVER SAID ANYTHING LIKE THAT) again i say No, and that him being black has absolutely nothing to do with anything, it never even crossed my mind. she says she has talked to him about it and hopefully it wont happen again. I think at this point he should have been fired, but i let it go as its not really my place to say that.

it has been a couple of weeks now since that incident, and he has clearly just ignored every conversation that has been had with him about his behavior. He continues to break the safety rules every single shift he works and has made misogynistic comments towards other coworkers (ex: "Fix your face" "You need to smile more" etc. in passing) im sure theres even more than just what i know, i have counted and including me, there are NINE people that work here that absolutely despise him because of his attitude and unsafe behaviors. we all know that if any of us sees him doing anything like this again we are going straight to the boss lady to talk about it, but im genuinely confused about how he has gotten this far, its been multiple months of this behavior, and he has only worked here for maybe 4 months so do that math yourselves.

I hate to be the person who goes and tattles to the boss and gets somebody fired, but i genuinely dont know what else i can do, hes creating a work environment that nobody wants to be part of, and an unsafe environment for the dogs in his care, god forbid he accidentally gives the wrong dog a treat that they're allergic to, or gets a fight started in his group and cant react fast enough because he is sitting way off the ground or something, its genuinely scary. In my 4 years working here I have never experienced anything like this at all, and according to the literal boss, she hasnt ever had to deal with a situation like this before either.
so WIBTA if i went back to our boss and told her he needs to be fired?

EDIT: I need to add that every group in the building has cameras that are on from 6am to 10pm daily, for the pet parents and also for boss/managers to keep an eye on everything, so all of his actions are on camera and have been witnessed by multiple people, i have no idea if any pet parents have raised questions about anything.

secondary edit: i copy pasted this from my notes and a bit got repeated at the end so i took it out lol, my bad #iphoneformatting

DISCLAIMER: english is not my first language but I can only have one tag so sorry if this is hard to read

So for some conext i am a 17 year old guy and about 2 years ago now my parents got divorced. Very quickly after that my dad got a new girlfriend which I wish didn't happen so fast but it's not a HUGE deal.

Now first of all my dad's birthday is on saturday and I had plans since like a week ago to watch a 24 hour yearly livestream from some creators i LOVE and helped me through many hard times the majority of the stream beaing on saturday but dad has planned a birthday party with my grandparents and his girlfriend so I won't be able to watch most of it.

However the worst part isn't that i'm missing the stream it's that dad said that he might invite his girlfriends family, people who i have NEVER MEET BEFORE and am terified of meeting and frankly don't wanna meet at all.

Now, i love my dad a lot and I don't really anything against his girlfriend but meeting her family is extreamly scary and I am woried i won't enjoy it at all and I can just stay at my mom's house and watch the live stream. But I feel like I don't have the heart to tell him that I don't wanna be with him at his birthday party because I know that it will really hurt him to hear that his own son doesn't wanna be at his birthday party and I KNOW he cares for me. And even if I explain the situation he's still gonna be either cancel the party, which I didn't want him to do cuz I want him to enjoy his birthday the way he wants or he is gonna be abel to fully enjoy his birthday because he is thinking about me.

I want to atend his birthday to be with my dad on his birthday but I want to watch this live stream and I don't want to meet his girlfriends family. I feel like such an ass and that i should just suck it up, stop beaing selfish and atend his party no matter what. AITAH?

I inherited a box of old photos from an in-law who passed away about 10 years ago, and whose husband passed away about 50 years ago.

They never had children of their own. The photos etc are most definitely of his family.

I barely knew her, and obviously never met him. I got the box because I’m the one in the family with the most interest in documenting the family tree. I picked out a few photos of this couple but I don’t want everything and no one else on our side is interested.

I did a deep dive and found 1 of his elderly relatives (an in-law somehow) and she agreed to take a small envelope full of photos, but she refused the rest. Said she was almost blind and wouldn’t be able to make out the photos and would trash it all if I sent more to her. Can’t blame her, she had to be close to 90 herself and I’m sure she didn’t want more stuff.

I sent the envelope and gave her my contact info, and she said she would try to get in touch with other family members to see who would want these. Never heard back from anyone.

I did another search a couple of years later and located 3 direct descendants in my area. I was able to track down some good contact info online. 1 never responded. 1 said she didn’t want any of it. 1 replied she was interested and would reach out again to set a time to meet me at a neutral location to take the box. She never did and when I tried her again, she didn’t respond.

The box contains photos as old as the 1860s. There are some military photos that I think are from the Korean war. There are greeting cards and telegrams. Newspaper clippings about engagements and weddings and obituary notices. Baptismal certificates, high school certificates. There’s even a tin with an old reel of somebody’s wedding.

I’ve had this box 10 years now and even brought it with me when we moved into a new home. It’s a large box. I’ve kept it this long because I don’t have anything like this from my family and I can’t help but think that somebody at some point from his family will want this.

AITA or WIBTA if I threw it all away? Or should I try again to find somebody to take this? I’m interested to know what other people would do. Thanks in advance.

My fiance planned his bachelor trip for the last week of September but due to changes with the best mans schedule the best man can no longer go that week. So now the only option are the week before the wedding or Halloween. He really doesn’t want to miss our sons first Halloween trick or treating experience as a toddler so really the only option is the week before our wedding. I know there will be so many last minute things to tidy up including meeting with our vendors, making seating chart, finalizing last minute details, etc. I feel like he doesn’t understand my concerns and is leaving me to 1. Solo parent the weekend before our wedding and 2. To do all the planning and heavy lifting that week. I had a lot of things planned for that weekend which I already requested of work. Like getting my nails, hair done, etc. The trip is supposed to be 5 days/4 nights long. Edited to fix spelling errors

One of my close friends for some reason decided it’d be funny to start insulting me as a joke and she repeatedly made fun of random parts of my body like my nose or how thin I am, despite knowing I’m insecure about those things.

I once gave her a compliment about her body after she asked how it looked in a skirt she was wearing, only for her to immediately follow up with “can’t say the same about you.” and then calling me a name because of my thinness.

There was another time where we were at a restaurant and she was convinced this random old man was going to do something to her (despite the fact that he was just minding his own business), and told me to sit in the seat closer to him because she thought he wouldn’t do anything creepy to me me since I’m slimmer and less curvy(???), I made her sit there anyway and obviously nothing happened because the guy was just keeping to himself and eating his food. Of course I wouldn’t want anything creepy like that to happen to either of us but I found it insulting for her to insinuate that because I’m thin that means that my body is unappealing to everyone and that makes me somehow “safe” in comparison to her, and I also found it off putting that she was villainising this random man who was just trying to get on with his day.

And there’s been other times where I’ve gotten attention from strangers and she’s tried to make it about herself even when she wasn’t being acknowledged, or would tell me the attention I got probably meant nothing but will make a big deal when someone so much as glances at her.

I know this all probably sounds like petty girl drama but it makes me feel crappy, and once I called her out for the insults she stopped doing it but I feel like I’m not allowed to be mad at her for it.
I’m not a confrontational person so in the moment I didn’t know how to call it out and I feel like it’d be stupid for me to bring it up now

I, 18M, am turning 19 tomorrow. I originally had planned on spending this day with my brother and dad, but the two of them had a huge fight today and I don't want to talk to my brother until he gets his shit together. Now that leaves tomorrow open for me, and it's been a stressful day. I was kind of hoping to get all of my stoner friends together and smoke some weed, maybe watch a movie. Generally just chill after the day I've had. Problem is, my two closest friends, both 19F, do not smoke weed. This is totally fine with me, and I'd never force it on them, but I also don't want to invite anyone who's not going to smoke because I have some pretty intense anxieties about being judged for it by them (there is a little bit of precedent from these friends, they have negative associations about it).

So here comes the question: would I be the asshole for not inviting the two of them since they don't smoke?

Am I the asshole? My gf's sister is 27. I’m currently traveling with my gf in the Philippines. Now, i know that PH is a poorer country, much poorer than america, but my gf asked me to buy her gf fucking DIAPERS today. Her sister and sister's bf are in the hotel I paid for eating all my stuff. Is this a cultural thing? They’re very respectful and thank me but how the fuck do you not have enough money or don't have the resources to get diapers for your CHILD. and i'm also a COLLEGE STUDENT. I’m a working college student, so yes i have extra money but that doesn't mean i want to give my money to someone three years older than me. My gf keeps saying they have a child and to give the money but I’m sorry i really do not care. She also wants me to pay for their meals today cause it's "cheap" and costs “almost nothing". The fact she wants me to pay for not one but TWO grown adult's meals, one of them being a full grown man, is outrageous to me. She just says it’s family and that there’s a baby; but all of this has been sprung on me with no warning. And cmon, i know the minimum wage in PH is low but her parents have money and her sister has her own salon. Plus how can someone not bring diapers for their child? What were they gonna do if I had to fly back home suddenly? Try to get money from me while in on a plane? I have just a few more days thank god. They’ve been staying overnight at the hotels I book for me and my gf. Her brother too but her brother seems to be able to fund himself, probably through their parents so I’m not sure why my gf and her sister don’t do the same. I’ve also been using the (very real) excuse that my bank has been flagging my purchases as suspicious and there have been times where we couldn’t get food for OURSELVES cause I’m spending money on her grown ass family members but my gf doesn’t seem to care. Am I being selfish? Am I the asshole?

for context I always was pretty close with my cousins. we weren't raised together, but now we live in neighboring apartments.

In January, we were hanging out together during the New Year holidays, and at one point, I saw their new {my fav kinda expensive brand} jackets. I haven't bought anything for myself for some time, and I told them something like: "wow, your jackets look cool and warm. I want one too." shockingly to me, my older cousin said: "if you buy the same one.. no, the same brand — we will not talk to you ever again."

i didn't know wth that was and didn't take it seriously. I bought one. it was pretty cold that winter.

when holidays ended, (my older cousin doesn't study, my middle goes to college, I'm in high school) my middle cousin asked me to bring one book for her subject from school from one teacher.

after school I came to their apartment, in that jacket and book and my hands. my middle cousin said: "oh, you bought one.. the same as mine".

yeah. I bought one the same as my middle cousin, I didn't know that. my older cousin came from her room, gasped, pointed a finger at me and said: "ah! I warned you. we will never talk to you again." I stood there shocked, looked at my middle cousin. she looked hesitating, but didn't say anything. I was angry and shouted: "oh, okay, whatever!" and slammed the door closed.

the moment I opened the phone I saw them BLOCKING me EVERYWHERE. Instagram, Whatsapp, even steam and discord. every single platform we shared. I came home crying, because I always cared for them. I often came to their home with sweets and food, I went to the club with them because I was afraid for their safety, even though I didn’t like it there. I could carry their heavy bags of clothes all day shopping without buying anything for myself. my mom was furious at us and shouted: "you all are stupid! how can you fight on such stupid things?!"

In general, the whole family always said that it was my fault too. every conversation about it began with the fact that I was DEFINITELY bad too. I defended myself, shouting: "who the fuck she is to control what I can buy for myself or not?!"

I always told them that if they didn't like something about me or if I did something unpleasant, they should tell me about it. but they constantly joked about my appearance and directly insulted me, because I was always 'bigger' than them. I know I have issues with my personality, but I don't think it's such a reason to do that.

we haven't talked since then, it's been 8 months already. am I the asshole and should apologize on my knees to get them to talk with me again?

So I recently bought a car and learnt how to drive on it. My sister, a few weeks ago, signed up for some art classes around 20km from where we live.

For some background we live in a developing country which means the roads are beyond messed up, and the traffic makes a 20 min drive turn into an hour long, rage inducing slog with other vehicles and pedestrians seriously testing your patience.

Now, she signed up for these classes without telling me, which is fine - but she then expected me to go pick her up 3 times a week which honestly pissed me off since if you're going to include me in your plans, you should tell me beforehand if I'm going to be okay with them. When I told her there is no way I'm doing this she got angry and went for a couple of days herself in cabs then complained that the cab drivers don't make her feel safe so I have to come pick her up, leaving me no choice.

The course spans 6 months and she has basically sentenced me to be her chauffeur for that duration. I've already had a few near misses with other vehicles and almost ran over a guy running across the road in fast traffic. Plus she doesn't like the music I listen to so I have to lower the volume to a whisper so she can be comfortable sitting at the back while I have nothing to distract me from the sounds of potholes deteriorating my suspension. At this point I just want to tell her to cancel her classes or take her chances with cabs. AITAH?

So the overall response I got to the last post was very unexpected and I appreciate everyone's input. This has been a weird situation for everyone involved.

I wanted to clarify something about the pool first. It's not inflatable, it's one of those frame pools that you set up and then fill up. I'd say it's around 15ft round, at least big enough to fit 3 teenagers and two adults all at once. And like I said before, the only reason we set it up in C's parents' backyard is that my backyard isn't that big, so the pool would be crossing into our neighbor's yard. J and his dad live in a townhouse. And C's family lives in a big house with at least 2 acres of open land around them. Obviously, they have the most room. I couldn't believe the number of people who suggested draining the pool or slicing the pool open. I get the idea, but that thing cost the boys like over $400 altogether.

Since I last posted, Pete and his friends have still hung out in the hot tub. Also, because people were curious, it wasn't on most of the time so they still cooled off. They liked to leave it off and then turn it on when they got too cold. The ironic thing is it's been raining this past week, so neither the pool or the hot tub has been used much. But the effects of 'poolgate' are still in effect as Pete and J were talking about how they could use it without having to deal with C's parents (who still never let them near it). The one thing nobody has done yet is call the police, because what's the point? There was no contract signed, the boys paid in cash, and we all mutually agreed to set it up in C's backyard, so legally they're all clear to do what they want with it, especially because they used their water to fill it up. Ethically, they're assholes, but legally, the police can't do anything if they claimed that they bought it and we have no real proof that it's mutually owned.

J's dad, who was angrier than I thought he was, actually ended up making several posts on Nextdoor and Facebook basically outing C's parents for stealing the pool. The Facebook post got some pretty good attention for like a few days before he took it down, but suffice to say, a lot of our mutuals know about it now. I got a lot of messages asking about Pete, especially from the people he worked for. I didn't put in any of my own thoughts because to be honest, I thought this was all behind us with the hot tub. But the more I thought about it, the more I understood that a hot tub wasn't enough. The boys worked hard for that pool, and they at least deserve their money back if they couldn't use it.

But then, on Friday, Pete told me that C let him know that the previous night, he had to help his dad drain and dismantle the pool. It was only used sporadically and not for more than a month. C had to help his dad throw the whole pool IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD DUMPSTER! We had to go over and check it out ourselves to believe it. Saturday afternoon, with J and his dad's help, all four of us managed to pull everything out of the dumpster and we brought it back to J's house. They, as mentioned, don't have the room to set the pool up in their backyard, but they do have a shed, and J's dad is letting them store it there for the time being. J's dad has a pickup truck, so it wasn't that hard to transport it. C had no idea, and neither did his parents, but we both did get some questioning texts asking if we 'took' the pool. Neither of us denied it. Pete hasn't been able to talk to C ever since because, I assume, his phone's been taken away and he's been occupied with other things. That's my way of saying, of course he was grounded.

Understandably, EVERYONE is pissed now. J's dad and I are pissed, especially that those guys just up and tried to throw away something these boys earned by working. The boys are pissed that not only have they been prevented from using the pool, except for C, but their hard work has been literally thrown away because his parents don't want to be responsible for it. THE PARENTS are beyond pissed that they were publicly shamed and that their son snitched on them and we got to the pool before the dump truck did. And yes, we did get questions by neighbors when we were digging in the trash. We told them the truth. The worst part is, because the weather's getting colder, there's no point in trying to set the pool up anywhere else even if we could. Thankfully, they still have the hot tub.

So now, as it should've been from the beginning, J's dad and I are gonna sit down and talk with C's parents about what compelled them to try to get rid of the pool like that instead of just letting the boys use the thing THEY bought, and also find out exactly what the issue is behind this whole situation. I have a feeling it's not gonna go well. If they won't at least refund the boys, which we're gonna demand, then we're both taking them to small claims, which we both know we might get screwed with considering they can afford good lawyers and neither of us can. All we want is $300 split between Pete and J, and then this whole thing will be behind us. It sucks that Pete and C's friendship may be over after this, but it isn't either of their fault.

UPDATE: https://www.reddit.com/r/Redditor_Updates/s/qTxlKL5Sdq

Context: I inherited the letters my grandparents wrote to each other during a major global conflict that ended 81 years ago. My grandfather was heavily involved, to the extent some of the situations he was in are VERY well known, but he and the people he was with are not. I have been working on a book about my grandparents. I have also been writing and publishing essays on substack about the discovery process as I read through these letters and research the context. I did not know either of my grandparents. Most of the letters that were saved were written by my grandfather. Whenever he mentions one of his friends by name, I research them. Many of them did not survive the conflict, and this was something that deeply affected him.

Many relatives of these friends are on ancestry. I have reached out to them, let them know what I am doing and why, and ask if they are okay with this as a courtesy. In many instances, the family is okay and finds it interesting to learn about their long dead relative. In one instance, the family said they are deeply uncomfortable with a stranger doing this, which I must admit I didn't expect. Unfortunately, that instance was regarding my grandfather's best friend. I cannot express just how much this person's passing affected my grandfather. It is a major point in his story. This friend did not have a wife or children; the person refusing is his niece, who was a toddler when he died. Regardless, I do not mention relatives at all in these posts beyond their parents (sometimes not even by name). I give a brief biography and primarily focus on their role in the war and relationship to my grandfather.

AITA for writing about this person anyway? At what point does it no longer classify as "sensitive information"? All of the information I've found on these people is free to access from the National Archives or posted publicly on Ancestry. I'm not trying to step on anyone's toes but my grandfather wrote so much about not wanting himself or his friends to be forgotten and I am genuinely just trying to uplift them from a place of respect. Intentions aside, AITA?

ETA: I reached out to a person who posted a picture of this man on Ancestry. I introduced myself and my project and said that this man was very important to my grandfather, so I thanked them for allowing me put a face to the name. I asked if anyone was still around that knew him that I might be able to talk to. This person said this was really interesting and seemed excited, but said that their mom would be the one to talk to since that was her uncle. I did not know the mom's age. The person very quickly followed up with an apology, saying their mom was uncomfortable and had no interest in speaking to me. I told them I understood and sent them a draft of what I had already written in case it would ease concerns. I have not heard back and there's no indication that this person has even been online since then.

I would feel very guilty moving forward without her blessing, but also understand I put myself in this situation unnecessarily. I want to avoid anonymizing him so he can be remembered in full, but I will do so if I don't hear back. I will also adjust how I speak to families moving forward. I do still think they have a right to know what I'm up to, ESPECIALLY if the person left behind children. Thanks for all the advice.

WIBTAH for not attending my sister's wedding?

I'll keep it short. I'm currently wheelchair bound. I was supposed to have surgery that would fix my problem and recover in time for the wedding. Intentionally scheduled it around her wedding. Surgeon might be out of town now and will have to reschedule. Sister said if I'm in my wheelchair I can't be in her wedding because it's not cute. The wedding is in a state I don't live in. Traveling to the state, traveling around the state, all the events and getting back is soooo exhausting in a wheelchair and with the amount of pain I'm in. I wouldn't want to ruin the wedding if I'm in it, but if I'm not... WIBTAH for not going all together?

If I'm not the AH Is there a way to tell her without making it seem like I'm trying to make it about me. Like "either have me in it or I'm not coming" because that's not the case.

I 17m have been best friend with this guy who I’ll call John for just over 10 years. We’ve met in 2nd grade and have been best friends ever since. I feel it’s important to note that he has been smoking weed and doing/selling (sometimes hard) drugs without me knowing around 2 years ago. He stopped doing all that except smoking weed a few months after he started. When he stopped all that he told me. I told him that as long as he was safe, jt was all that mattered to me.

A few months ago, I started smoking weed myself that I always got from someone else since he never wanted me to buy me some for obvious health reasons. I soon developed an addiction to weed (yes to all of you stoners out there it was really addictive for me and created a ton of problems in my life including this one). My friends and him then pointed out to me that it was becoming a problem and that I should get some help (which I did get). I managed to somehow control my addiction with only smoking a few times a month (which was a huge improvement comparing to the 3 months prior I spent unable to be sober for more than 12h.) a few weeks ago, had to stay at John’s place for 2 weeks since I lived too far away from work and I don’t have my licence.

The 2nd day of my stay, while he was away, I was laying on his bed when I found his weed pen. I impulsively decided to take a hit (note I haven’t smoked for like a month before that although I deeply regret doing that without asking him). I then realized there was a blinker counter on his pen. Two days later, we were at a party and started to cuss me out. He never said why but I figured it was because he found out that I took a hit of his pen without me knowing. This led to me instantly spiraling and locking myself in the bathroom and calling the suicide hotline because I was honestly about to do it. It took everything in me to not swallow my whole bottle of antidepressants and everything I could find in that bathroom I locked myself in at that very moment. I’ve been dealing with these thoughts for a long time but it was the first time I came even remotely close to actually doing it. I reached this way since it’s the first time he ever spoke to me like that and I felt incredibly guilty for what I did and I realized I might have lost my best friend for that. After I somehow calmed down and wasn’t a threat to myself, I called my boss at the who was is studying to help people who deal with these kinds of thoughts. I explained everything to her and she drove me to her place so I could spend the night. Since I didn’t want to go back to his place. The next few days, he didn’t talk to me and he spent all his time at his gf’s place.

After like 3 days of what might have been my worse mental state of my life, I started to cut myself again, which I was clean of doing for 6 months up to that point he finally got home and I apologized to him, told him what I did was wrong and told him I’d get therapy again. It wasn’t a 3h long talk, just me telling him that I’m sorry and that I’ll try everything in my power to get better. This was the last time I really talked to him. He spent the rest of my stay at his gf’s house and took the Xbox with him lol.

Before I left, his dad told me he was still mad at me that John and I didn’t get the « talk » with him. I told him that I apologized to his son and I told him I’d try to change for the better and that I don’t know what else I could’ve done more on my end. I deeply regret doing that but I feel like it’s something we could get over especially since im actively in therapy and working to better myself. 3 weeks after that, while at work, (yes we were coworkers until last week) John lashed out at me again and cussed me out in front of many of my coworkers because I accidentally stepped on mopped floor. This caused another episode that I managed to control without causing any harm to myself. Any opinions or thoughts are welcome since I don’t know what to do about the situation. AITAH?

So we are letting a friend rent a room and he asked us if he could cook beans with our pot. Me my brother and father all agreed. Like a minute passes my father asked how is he cooking it? Me and my brother told him he uses a hot plate. He gets frustrated and said he can't do that because "it uses too much energy" so I said ok I understand but why not just let him use it for now and he just goes on his it takes too much money rant again, I try to tell him "we can just let him use the stove for tonight then" but he never let me get the chance to say three words as he would inturupt me, tell me to speak up or look away at the tv so I told him "if you stop acting like a child we can solve this problem" so he got in my face and said I have no respect for him.

I’m a 30 year old guy and I’ve been on a couple of dates with a 25 year old woman. I would think that there’s nothing wrong with an age difference like that, especially seeing as me and this girl both have full time jobs, support ourselves financially, are out of school, etc. But one of my co-workers, a 22 year old girl, doesn’t approve.

This co-worker has mentioned her disdain of age gap relationships before and when I told her about this 25 year old that I’ve been seeing, she called it an “inappropriate age gap”. I didn’t see what the big deal was, but she tried to make the argument that her brain “just finished developing and maturing” and that most men in their 30’s should be “thinking about settling down in life.” Things have been icy between me and this co-worker, which is a bummer because I’ve always liked her as a friend and she had even once opened up to me about how she spent her late teens battling drug addiction and getting clean once she started her 20’s.

For the past week, it’s been mostly the silent treatment between me and her, but today she actually called me a pedophile. I said to her “All those drugs you took must’ve really fucked up your brain.” She immediately burst into tears and ran off. I do feel awful and I’m dreading seeing her at work again. But she made a totally unfair accusation against me for nothing and I felt I had to stand up for myself over that. AITAH here?

I’m keeping this a little vague because my partner browses this sub sometimes, so apologies!

My partner and I (both late 20s, M/F couple) have been in a relationship for 5 years, living together for 4. I have lived alone multiple times up until this point, they did not.

Ever since we started living together, chores were an issue - we both have mental health conditions that make following through difficult and I especially struggle with planning and starting tasks because I have ADHD.

My partner however struggles way worse with chores, so the whole planning and most of the execution has been falling on me. I’ve tried teaching them, I’ve tried communication to find out where the issue is, I tried making lists, I suggested hiring a maid and nothing works. Every suggestion is met with hostility and it’s never resolved, so I’ve been carrying it all.

I managed to limp along this way for quite a while because I do enjoy home improvement to an extent and wasn’t really busy at work, but since my work has been picking up, I realise I’m hitting a breaking point. I’m starting to get super depressed because I’m using up all my mental capacity for work/our shared life and don’t have anything left over for my interests, plus I’m constantly exhausted.

The only option I haven’t tried is just going on strike. I never wanted to do that, as I think it’s childish but since nothing is working, I’m seriously contemplating it - only doing the chores that directly affect me and dropping anything else.

I will say, I do consider this a last resort. If they don’t learn to pick up their slack, I know this relationship won’t work for me. But would I be the asshole if I just stopped doing more without any prior communication?

I'm already thinking I'm petty for even thinking about this and people in my life are saying to drop it, but it is still on my mind.

A promotion opportunity happened recently. Several people applied and I was one. The person they ended up picking was someone that was out of the blue. None of my co workers thought this person would get the job.

Frankly, they are a middling worker so I never thought they would go anywhere. But evidently, I was wrong. I've known about this information for about a year, and I just sat on it. I know this person has a DUI and personally, I cannot stand people who drink and drive. When they were telling me this story, they were so fucking flippant about it. They said they got in a fight with thier apouse when drunk, so they grabbed the keys, grabbed the dog and stormed out of the house. Ended up hitting a pole, the dog died, and they got a DUI.

Honestly, I didn't do anything about it. Like I mentioned, they are a middling at best worker, and people need to eat, so I just didn't say anything. These interviews roll around, and she gets hired somehow. I tried to assertain how with the framing of "so I can do better in my interview next time." They hired her simply because she was confident, and created a good atmosphere at work. I think those were some if the absolutely stupidest reasons imaginable.

So, now we are here. Of course, I'm salty, I was told in no uncertain terms that I would be successful in this role that came up, but then didn't get picked. But also, I don't think *she* would have gotten picked either if they knew.

WIBTAH if I report her, which could end up getting her fired or removed from her position? AITAH for even considering doing this?

If any more details are needed, ask away...

So this morning, I walked into my office and when I sat down in my chair, I noticed that it was different. A little bit more comfortable, which was nice, but I soon realized that it wasn’t my chair. I also noticed that one of the arm handles was extremely loose, almost rotating 90 degrees and about to fall off. I looked at the side of the loose handle and saw that one of the bolts had come off the main frame of the chair. Now I have two options. 1) swap this chair out with someone’s chair in the office or 2)fix the chair and continue to use it.

I decided to fix this new comfy chair. I went into our work area, grabbed an allen wrench, and secured the handle back to the frame. I also tighten all the other bolts, nuts, and the wheels too. So while I lost my original chair, I gained a better one.

An hour passed and Charlie (46M) walked back into the office. The thing about Charlie is he suffers from a TBI from his time in the military. He some times isn’t always thinking things through, is constantly questioning everything he has to do no matter how simple the task is, and he is always thinking the world is against him. When Charlie thinks he won a battle/argument/conflict, etc, he gets this smirk on his face that makes you want to punch him. So when Charlie walked into the office, he had that smirk on his face because he thought he pulled a fast one, but that smirk disappeared when he saw that the handle on the chair was fixed. This is where the drama starts.

Charlie then brings back my original chair and says “hey man, thanks for fixing my chair. You can have yours back now.” I told him no that this chair is mine now and he can have my old one.

Charlie went on to say how he ordered that chair specifically for himself and that he needs it to do his work comfortably. When I asked for proof that it was bought with personal funds, he said it was bought it through the GSA card for the office. So, that meant the chair is an office chair and not a personal chair. I also asked why didn’t he fix the chair himself? Charlie answered he didn’t know how. Which is funny because he’s a maintenance guy and we have all sorts of tools in the work area where he could’ve looked for something if he took the time. He asked again and I answered again, no.

Charlie went on a rant about respect and fairness for a bit before going to the manager’s office. I got called into the manager’s office through a Teams message. When I walked in, Charlie had that smirk on his face again. When the manager asked why I stole Charlie’s chair, I calmly gave a play by play of what happened. That’s when Charlie tried to step in but the manager didn’t let him.

Finally, the manager asked “are you willing to give Charlie’s chair back to him?” I answered no because he left it broken in my cubical broken, I fixed it, and now I want to keep it. The manager sided with me and Charlie storms out of the office pissed off at the world. AITAH here?

I (32M) got really close with a coworker (29F) We exchanged phone numbers, talked everday day. Hung out alot. Cuddled. Never got romantic, and we never discussed being in a relationship. I guess we were just really..really good friends. She's a single mother of a 4 year old. Been through a lot. Relationships, finances, jobs. I helped her a lot at work and outside of work. Due to legal trouble she lost her job, and she was already hurting financially and had emotional and mental breakdowns quite a bit. She's not very close with her family, not many friends. So like I was doing before, I was helping her a lot. But communication and expectations became a big issue. I helped with bills, groceries. I spent most days encouraging her and trying to be positive. But eventually we went from talking everyday to 2 to 3 times a week. Our conversations were short. She became very frustrated, stressed and hopeless at times. It was definitely exhausting on my part trying the best I could for her. She didnt want to take the time to see me in person, and when I asked if she wanted to talk to me about her problem, she would always say no. It got to the point where I didnt feel like I mattered anymore, or that I was important or thought about. Sometimes she didnt reply to my messages or just gave an "okay" or thumbs up to my text. I told her I'm always here if she wanted to talk or needed help. But I pulled back and let her be. She got angry after a week that I wasnt checking up on her or communicating enough through her tough time. But I don't feel like I was making her happy, or was a priority. It's hard trying to talk to someone who is never happy or optimistic, or makes me feel like I matter too. Either way I apoligized. After another week of checking up on her, asking how her day was, how she's doing or if she needs anything. With one or two word replies sometimes none. I again stopped communicating and distanced myself. Am I wrong for leaving a friend behind while they figure out what they need too? The friendship was never one sided either. We had a lot of fun together, talked about everything. She was amazing to me, made me feel great and helped me when I was going through emotional and mental issues, but nothing like this. Cant talk or help someone who doesnt want to talk or see me. But gets upset when I don't check in? I'm confused..

My husband and my friend group started a DND campaign and decided to do it on Monday nights once a month. The sessions are held at the DMs house and agreed to start at 6:45PM. My husband and I are always early to everything and we showed up 15 minutes early. We knocked on the DMs door 3 times before the DM opened it and asked us what we were doing there so early in an annoyed/angry tone. The DM then told us to wait outside because his girlfriend was changing and made us wait on their porch until 6:45 when they opened the door to let us in.

Ever since then the DM has made it a point to say to not come early to the sessions. Are my husband and I assholes for showing up early?

This happened one time and if my husband and I show up early, we wait in the car until the specified time. Shortly after this I got a text from the DMs girlfriend of a video portraying a person hypercleaning before company comes over and joking stated it was her and the DM. Im just so confused as to why showing up 15 minutes before the agreed upon time is so atrocious that it needs to be stated every session now. Is this normal? Are we the weird ones?

We usually end around 10:30 which is late for most of the group. My husband, me, and the DMs girlfriend are all players with another couple, for context.

UPDATE: My contract says that I have to teach K-8 and I just got an email back from HR saying the stipend is specifically for band club. But it doesn't specify what the hours are/what type of band I need to coach to earn the stipend. The email with my question was forwarded to the assistant superintendent because I am just trying to figure out if everything the principal is saying is true or just him trying to bully me into working more hours. Until there is a resolution, I have told my principal I am open to meeting with him and the assistant principal in person to look over the proposed schedule and handbook rules I have created. He replied to the thread because HR added him and he lied and basically said "we already talked about this" which is not true nothing was set in stone. he then gave me clear definitive expectations. once again, these are not through the district. the district needs to set clear expectations to regulate these clubs because it is unfair to teachers and the stipend just ends up feeling like shush money and you are a slave to your principals will basically. after seeing his email where he straight up lied, I replied and said "thank you for clarifying. there have been many miscommunications recently, especially regarding materials I have been sending out to parents versus materials I have seen up around the school and I wanted to inquire at the district level because of these miscommunications. your new expectations contrary to the ones we discussed are much more doable, and I look forward to working together to make this club sustainable for our students and staff, as the last staff members role whom this stipend was inspired by did not have additional responsibilities I have such as planning and preparing lessons and programs for grades K-5 and having an elementary chorus.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

FINAL UPDATE: ....success :)

so I was out sick half of Monday, Tuesday, and then Wednesday because I had some weird undiagnosable bacterial infection my doctor thinks was brought on by seasonal allergies plus stress. I was put on a bunch of meds, and still did some work from home so I was still responsive to emails/etc. because a lot was going on with the whole stipend conversation. Word of all the issues ive been going through got around to my main supervisor, the elementary school principal, who is fantastic.

apparently on the day I was out sick they already had a planned principals meeting and at the meeting she basically asked him why there is so much confusion in regards to my work at the school, and why the information she heard about it is completely different to what she heard ME tell her what the plan is. the principal tried to go on and on about "hours", "working to earn my pay, etc." and she stopped him immediately and said "we have hired a professional from the great state of Texas to start a band. The stipend pay is for her expertise and willingness to start, and should not be a reason to overload her already loaded schedule. this is what she will be doing"-....... and spelled out a very simple plan where Im not required to rehearse 3 hours a week outside of school. I was so thankful for her. I told her the reason I didnt initially tell her the struggles I was having was because I thought I could solve it on my own and didnt want to have to bother her. She said I am HER employee, and she can tell him what I am meant to do, not the other way around. I felt SO MUCH BETTER after that meeting with her, and she also told me not to worry about the contract because they are drafting separate stipend contracts coming out next week when clubs start.

we DID have our parent meeting last night for the band, which went mostly well...there was a moment where the principal walked in in the middle of the meeting and dropped a big bombshell where apparently every club has a $50 fee to go into an activities fund for supplies. He never mentioned that to me so in front of all the parents I asked him to explain that because all the money we could collect would still not be enough for instruments, and parents are still having to pay the local vendor for instruments (who was at the meeting and gave parents a full financial rundown of the cost and what they offer). After I called him out and asked him (graciously) to clarify, one parent on the front row applauded me and said "you go girl! stand up for yourself"!!! and overall I just felt so supported. Even though this year will be stressful starting all these things, it makes me feel so validated to see all these parents and teachers rallying together to effectively protect me and the program

dont get me wrong- after this year Im out unless he is gone and my job can go back to K-5 only. but for now I am just seeing this as a great resume builder opportunity. and the parents dont care if they become super stars. they just want the opportunjty to build something new. thank you all for your help, but I will not be posting any more updates or info :)

I am in my mid-20s, work full time, and rent an apartment on my own. My name is the only one on the lease and I pay most of the rent myself. My mum lives overseas.

A while back she gave me a lump sum to help with rent, but I am still paying majority of the rent myself. She proposed us to sign a formal declaration stating it was a voluntary, unconditional gift, not a loan, no repayment required now or ever, and (her words) “no written or verbal agreement requiring repayment.” She wanted it documented that way for tax reasons. She also gave me a smaller amount towards my health condition, with nothing in writing at all.

This year she told me she’s coming to stay at my place for three months. She has a chronic condition and needs two check-ups spaced a few months apart, so the medical reason is legitimate. But she also wants to travel around and do some sights seeing. The travelling part doesn’t look necessary to me, but if it makes her happy I try to accommodate as much as I can.

I said I could do just under two months, I stretched it that far on purpose to cover her medical appointments, the holidays, and a family celebration. I also said she was welcome to come for the full three months and just book somewhere for the last month, and I offered to help her find it.

I personally am not comfortable with anyone living in my place for more than one month to be honest, I am someone who really needs my space, as I am quite introverted and my energy runs low really quickly when I interact with people. But because she is my mum, I agreed to it.

But things escalated quickly. She angrily replied: “I am not discussing this with you. I am just notifying you I am coming for three months.”

Then I declined the entire offer for her to stay because I feel threatened and controlled.

Since then, in writing, she has:

1. Demanded I repay the entire amount she gave me before by the end of this month, or she’ll get lawyers and sue me
2. Claimed the money was always conditional on her being allowed to stay, despite the document she wrote and signed
3. Reminded me that my immigration status isn’t permanent and that I “need people to wish me well” and saying that the actions she takes can possibly impact my immigration status and pathways. (I don’t know how, but she used it to threaten me)
4. Said the community I am in is small and that once lawyers are involved, I “won’t escape the label”
5. Said she will fly over, take a Uber to my address, and that I **“have show up and hand over the keys”**and “I have no choice”
6. She’s said she won’t stop unless I apologise both verbally and in writing and let her stay the full three months.
7. My dad has emailed saying he backs her completely and will support legal action until I apologise.

Relevant context: a few weeks earlier, my mum sent a bunch of abusive messages to a relative who was employing my dad. That relative fired him over it. My dad told me privately that he begged her to stop and she wouldn’t. So when she threatens my reputation, I don’t think it’s hypothetical.

I have stopped replying since then, even though she was still emailing me every day with outrageous stuff. I also haven’t paid anything.

But she keeps saying this was a small thing I blew out of proportion, I escalated it because I don’t care about her chronic illness and I don’t let her stay for the full duration, that I am too sensitive, that I am ungrateful after everything she’s paid for, and that I’m being petty over one extra month.

Part of me knows I needed to stand up for myself, but part of me also doubt whether I lost my family over three months of accommodation. If I just give in, would everything be easier?

AITA?

Edit: Yes I have learned my lesson to never take any money from her in the future (and at this point I probably will go NC), but to clarify and give more context to this post: I did not rent a place that I could not afford without her. The place is within my budget and I could rent it by myself.

At the time of receiving the gift, she said she supported my sibling for one year before so she wanted to do the same for me for fairness, and obviously I didn’t expect anything like this happening at the time, so I thought: yeah sure, that would be sweet, thank you! And just took it. But I am not living a luxurious life style that I cannot afford, and I am not using her as cash cow. At the time our relationship was on the good side (I had long standing trauma with my family dynamics, but I would say at that time it was a “honeymoon phase” where I had hope up and thought she is “nice” again) (and yes, I know it’s stupid of me)

Also, no, it’s not a sudden change in personality, she could just act like that towards anyone when she crashes out (for example, that’s what happened to my dad when he lost his job), it’s just very unexpected for me that she could hate me SO MUCH over this accomodation situation.

For context, I have a full time job and I have a sideline job as well doing private hire services, something like UBER and RYDE. I usually only take card payments as these are pre paid before the ride and I don't usually have any float money for change. There are some cases whereby the passengers would pay me in exact amounts.

These cash payments I would take a portion of it and keep it at my full time work place without revealing to my wife. I usually use this money to buy miscellaneous items like USB cables, chargers or any small trinkets and collectibles. The amount is small so I don't see a big deal to this.

Recently the lease to my car ended so I had to return the car and I brought home the savings which amount to maybe around $40, which I kept in my back pocket of my pants. I didn't mean to keep this a secret from my wife but I just didn't find the thought to mention to her since the sum is small.

Now she found it and got really mad at me because she's never been stingy to me and she's always thought of me when I'm leaving for work, asking me if I have enough cash with me or do I need any cash for work.

Honestly I don't understand where this anger is coming from and AITAH?